No

and welcome to the Borealis experience. I'm your host

Aurora, life coach and companion on this beautiful journey called

life. I hope you're doing well I hope you feel safe. I hope you

enjoy yourself, I hope you feel good and your skin, I hope you

have good support around you. And that life just is flowing

easily. lightness is what I wish for you. If you don't feel

yourself if you feel stuck, if you don't feel good, I sure hope

that I can bring you love and inspiration, motivation. Most

importantly, understanding, I hope that the people I talk to

feel understood by me, that's my utmost core values. So to say, I

really love to know that people feel seen and heard. So if

there's anything you would like to request for future episodes,

if you are on the fence of asking for a coach session, or

wanting to stay in a loop of vicious circles. I can convince

you, it is up to you. It has nothing to do with readiness,

your ego will never be ready for coaching because your ego wants

you to stay in the old patterns. It is your heart that has to

long for a change. And with this desire, you messaged me and then

we set up a sync call sync up call where you tell me how I

could help you, I tell you how I could help you and we find out

how long and which kind of path we're going to walk together. So

all this to say, let's dive into today's episode, I have two

snoring dogs next to me, and it's very hot out there. And

they feel very comfortable in the cool house. And I do too.

I'm happy I can make some time for this episode and spend some

time with you and also for myself to rest and recharge my

batteries and reflect a little bit. Recently, I think a lot

about needs having your needs met. And this is why I want to

talk about it today. In the last couple of episodes, I talked

about your worth how your worth can't be touched by anything.

And before that I talked about how to get a grip on your

nervousness, anxiety how to feel more yourself again. So I would

highly recommend that you go back to these episodes if you

haven't listened to them yet. This podcast is kind of a build

up. So you start with season one and work your way through season

23456. Now seven, and you will feel gradual growth, gradual

insights and you will hopefully that's my mission and my vision.

Get to know yourself on a way deeper level than you knew

yourself before you started my podcast. So having all your

needs met. How can I say that? I'm pretty certain that you can

have all your needs met. You might think Ah wow, I got weird

needs. I got so many needs or I got a few needs but they're very

special and nobody's out there to fulfill these needs.

What I learned along my journey is first of all you have to have

your own back.

You got to be a detective and find out if your needs that you

have come from Place of genuine authenticity. Yeah, if you

fulfill that need, it is truly to be yourself become more

yourself or nurturing your soul and your heart. Don't worry, I'm

not going to keep talking. So spiritually, I'm going to go

right to the meat. But for now, let's put it that way. Or if

your needs are slight addiction are a coping mechanism, residues

from trauma, maybe from a breakup, maybe from a loss,

maybe from something that has happened in your teens during

your childhood. And you feel that this need, like, the more

you cling to a need, the more chances there are that this need

is not healthy, that something needs to be healed. In order for

you to let go of this need, like people really develop not only

like physical ailments, but also tics and habits that they cling

on to after a traumatic event. And I want to make very clear

that a traumatic event doesn't always mean that you're involved

in a car crash and all your siblings, your whole family

dies, a traumatic event could have been back then when your

mommy dropped you off as a four year old in kindergarten. And

all of a sudden, you were in a new environment with strangers

left alone. And no matter how your nervous system reacts, you

might readily register it sorry, as a traumatic event or as

something exciting. People are very different children are very

different. Our nervous system is very unique to ourselves. So

trauma is also very unique. My trauma might have never touched

you in any way. And your trauma and your coping mechanisms can

be totally Yeah, hard for me to understand how you can suffer

from something that is not really important to me. Yet, we

have to have that empathy, to understand that people are wired

very differently, even our siblings. So going back to your

needs, is your need genuine, authentic to your blueprint, or

is it a coping mechanism? Right, I hear sometimes from my clients

when they enter the sessions as a couple. The one person is

saying, Well, yeah, well, I would like to have sex 10 times

a week. But my partner is not into it, we only have six, two

times a month. And I don't really like this, I need

something else. So the person might have either totally

healthy sex drive, or might be struggling not struggling in

this case, but might be dealing with a sex addiction, and is

putting the pressure of having his or her needs met on to his

partner, her partner. So in this case, we would have to go back

and find out okay, where does that strong sex drive come from?

Is this your natural self? Or are you overcompensating for

something and your partner's suffering because you make them

feel not enough the whole time. And of course, your partner is

going to start avoid you and run away from you because you're

demanding something that they can't fulfill. And nobody wants

to be in a relationship like that. I'm going to stop right

here because relationship coaching is a way different

topic. But I hope you get my drift, that some needs are

simply not natural,

and are way too much for another person to fulfill. In a

relationship. We're not in a dependency but in an

interdependent relationship where we need each other, but we

can't abuse each other to fulfill each other's needs. We

have to be very conscious about who we are Once again, the

better you know yourself, the healthier relationships you will

have, because then you will exactly know, shit. I'm dealing

with a sex addiction. And I have to be careful to not overwhelm

my partner, I have to find a way to heal, and to set expectations

that are healthy towards myself and towards others. So first

thing you look at your needs. Second thing, once you've done

the detective game, you need to look at how you can fulfill your

own needs. And now please Don't roll your eyes. Because I did

that for probably a decade or longer. I thought, I just can't

fulfill my needs, I need other people. I need friendship, I

need relationship, I need romance. Otherwise, I don't feel

I exist, and especially my needs, they can't get fulfilled.

If I'm not in a strong connection with a person. What I

was doing there was not only under estimating how much I

could meet my own needs, but also putting the people in my

life under pressure to always having to fit my needs, and

otherwise was guilt trip them or make them feel shitty about not

being a good friend. How horrible is that? Yeah, I feel

lots of shame for this. Until I found out, damn, I gotta heal, I

gotta, you know, I'm clinging too much to people, I need to be

okay with being alone. I need to start meeting and fulfilling my

own needs. And it is very much possible. If you start with your

body, first, your body needs sleep. Most importantly, if you

don't get enough sleep, please go see a therapist, a doctor

asked me questions. Sleep is so incredibly essential. Next, you

need water, you need food, you need shelter, you need to feel

safe and good in your environment. And if up until now

you realize shit, I'm not not even fulfilling those basics,

you have to start there. Because your body will keep signaling

you that you're not doing enough and that you are not imbalanced,

not healthy. And this will deeply affect your mind. We go

further into your relationships. Do you feel supported? Do you

feel seem to you feel heard? Do you feel understood? Do you have

friends that you can have fun with but also talk? Real talk?

Are you close to your family? Did you make peace with your

family? Or are you running around escaping from family

events? And feeling like there is a huge hole inside of you?

Because nothing really could replace your family so far? So

do you need to work on forgiveness? And then we go

further into your job your workplace because you spend so

much more time at work then sometimes with your family and

friends? How satisfied are you there? Are you chasing and

pursuing your purpose your dreams? Or are you just getting

the job done for a paycheck? Right? The more we have our

basic needs met and feel good in our life. The less we need,

right we need so much. We need distractions. We need fancy food

we need junk food, we need alcohol, cigarettes drugs, when

we are not satisfied, but the more we are satisfied the less

we need, the better companions we are as well. So going back to

the list, we were stuck at your workplace.

How do you feel in your city in the talent? Do you feel

connected? Do you feel a sense of belonging and if you're not

we need to work on this. Because if there is a big hole, you know

like in a Swiss cheese you can only have so many holes and if

you have too many holes, it's just too painful. So we have to

fill the holes from the bottom up. Your Foundation has to be

strong And then you will see that you will get less needy,

that you can meet your own needs. And it is from that

place, that you can be this awesome radiant person who

attracts people that are awesome and radiant and loving and

giving. And situations that are just so expansive and awesome.

But you have to do the work first, there's no way around,

and you cannot run around and expect from your friends to fill

your holes because they have their own holes to fill, it is

not their job, they were not born to fulfill your needs, you

can fulfill them first. And once you know who you truly are, you

will meet a person if this is what you want. And then comes

the third part, the communication, you will learn

how to be extremely confident in communicating your needs. And

the person in front of you will know shit, that person is

serious. This is what he needs. This is what he wants from a

relationship. Right? You will not be in a position anymore,

where you like, Oh, thank God, this person is dating me and

hanging out with me. Because I hate hanging out with myself

anyways, I want to be distracted by another person and I want to

be serving a person I want to be a provider. Nobody wants to fill

that hole, it's too much. People are gonna keep running away,

ghosting you, you will not be able to make sense of why people

are rejecting you. Because you are too much. And I'm really

scared of saying this because I know some of you might be

listening and already feeling. I'm too much my problems are too

big. I'm not enough, I suck. I don't find my place in society.

But please understand that if you sit with yourself and become

really radically honest with the stuff that you keep carrying

around or running away from the stuff that still makes you sad

that you can't let go off that this is what makes you feel not

enough. It is not the people around you. It is not the

constant situations that you run into when you feel at the end of

the day, everybody rejects you and nobody wants you just

because you haven't done the work on yourself. And at the

same time, isn't that so beautiful that you don't need

any drugs, you don't need anything outside of you not even

for sex, we haven't talked about sexual needs, you don't need

another person to have your sexual needs met. I want to go

so far that you don't even need porn, you have your own

imagination, you have chances are two hands 10 fingers, if

it's nine fingers, eight fingers are just five, you could still

use them wisely when it comes to pleasure. And you can learn to

pleasure and appreciate yourself on a level that no one ever did

before. Because you didn't allow them maybe or maybe they were

just not the right fit. You have to give it to yourself first.

And then you can go out there and share with other people from

a place of

self reliance when you don't need the other person but you

appreciate the other person. And this is how people are gonna

stick to you when they know that and that they're not fulfilling

some kind of weird role. But that they there because you just

love their companionship so much. And you learn from them.

You listen to them, and you're just excited to be around them.

And it is not some weird notion of I have to rescue that other

person. I have to feel like a provider because otherwise I

feel useless. No, you can't do this. You have to meet the

person on neutral grounds and then explore from there, which

kind of roles you both are interested to play. And during a

relationship that can also change. You just talk about it

your ex pressive about it. You notice things and then you talk

it out. All right, I'm gonna leave you with this. That was a

lot. I got really passionate. I love to get passionate with you

because I care so much about you. I care so much about people

looking at themselves and seeing the mess they're sitting in and

then sorting through it decluttering and becoming clear

and radically honest with themselves. That's the most

beautiful thing for me to witness. So I'm going to leave

you with this. As you know, this is a donation driven podcast,

there's a link called buy me a coffee in the show notes. If you

have a couple seconds, please click that button and get me a

cup of coffees for me to keep this podcast sustainable. Of

course, I'm not going to buy myself coffees that money goes

right back into this podcast. And yeah, I'm very excited to

connect with you connect with me on Facebook or Instagram, Aurora

coaching or simply Aurora Eggert and I will be out there for you

very soon again, I show up for you calm constantly. And I'm so

excited about all the feedback I received. You guys are awesome.

I appreciate you and I'm so grateful to be on this path with

you. take really good care. Bye bye