Welcome to the Elevated Edit podcast.

I'm your host, Blakely Ramsey, and the goal of this podcast is to discuss all things personal development, wellness, and the art of editing your life in an elevated way.

From mastering morning routines to mastering your mindset, we're going to sift through the noise and empower you to take elevated action.

Make sure you catch the show notes for all the details.

Enjoy the show.

Hello, everyone, and welcome back to another episode of the Elevated Edit podcast.

So I have spoken a lot about seasons on this show.

I'm always talking about, like, being aware of your season and, you know, talking about what season are you in?

And for me right now, I am definitely in a season of change.

I'm in a season where almost everything in my life is changing.

It's all good change, but, you know, change can sometimes be uncomfortable.

Even when.

When it is something that is really good, something that's really exciting, something that, you know, you've thought about for a long time, whatever the case is.

And along with that change, I have also done a lot of, obviously a lot of professional work this year.

I think I spoke pretty candidly about that on the show, but I've also done a lot of personal work and I have really gotten to the root of some things and reasons why I do different things and, you know, all the stuff.

And one of the things that I have really honed in on and thought a lot about and worked through is something that I think you can probably relate to as well, and that is self sabotage.

And for me, if you had asked me two years ago if I was someone who self sabotaged, I would be like, absolutely not.

Like, look at my calendar.

My inbox is at zero.

Like, I'm a boss, babe.

I wake up at 5:00am I do all the things.

Like, I would have been like, no, I'm.

I don't self sabotage at all.

But that is the sneaky thing about self sabotage, and that's how she gets her grimy little claws in us, is that she literally shows up in all kinds of different ways.

And if we aren't like, actively working on our awareness and actively working on ways to, I'm not going to say overcome self sabotage because I don't really think that's possible, but find ways to manage our self sabotage, be aware of it, and maybe use it to our advantage.

And I think that that's why we all struggle with it so much, is because it is something that's so sneaky.

It is something that we don't talk about a lot or even think about a lot.

So to get started, let's define self sabotage.

So it is a pattern of behaviors that undermine our goals, often unconsciously.

And self sabotage doesn't always.

Like I said, there's a variety of different faces that self sabotage shows up as, but it's usually procrastination, avoidance or self destructive tendencies.

And I think, when I think about like using those words, procrastination, avoidance or self destructive tendencies, I'm like, oh, it's this big dramatic thing.

It's this over the top thing.

But once again, like self sabotage can show up in the tiniest, sneakiest little ways.

And even though it can show up in tiny and sneaky ways, it can still have a really big impact on our lives.

Some of the ways that self sabotage can impact us is through stalled progress, missed opportunities, strained relationships, decreased self esteem, and feelings of frustration or regret.

For me, one of the things with self sabotage that I noticed was I lost confidence in myself and not in like a, oh, I'm like, I don't feel good about myself or I don't whatever.

Like y'all know I'm very egotistical.

But I did lose confidence in myself when it came to like, okay, if I tell myself I'm going to do X, Y and Z, like I don't have to worry about it because I know I'm going to do X, Y and Z.

Like I would tell myself, okay, I'm going to wake up tomorrow and work out, you know, at 5:30 or whatever it was.

And then no, let's set something, let's do something that I would actually do.

I wouldn't tell myself that.

I would say, okay, tomorrow you're gonna wake up at 4 o'clock, you're going to work out for three hours, you're going to do all this stuff.

And I'd be like, okay, cool.

And then of course I wouldn't wake up at 4:00, I wouldn't work out for three hours.

And so it was almost like proving myself right.

Like that was how I was self sabotaging, was I was slowly chipping away at my confidence in myself.

Like I'd tell myself the night before, I'd be like, oh, I, I'm not going to be able to do that.

I'm not gonna be able to get up and work out and I'm just, I just can't do it.

And then guess what, I'd wake up and not do it.

So then when I go and set another goal, I'd be like, oh, well, I'LL set this goal.

But you know me, I probably can't do it.

Like, oh, I just, I can only do so much.

And that was, that was one of the main ways that I was self sabotaging.

I also have some other examples that I wanted to include because that is how I relate to other people.

It' okay, stop telling me everything that I am doing wrong and tell me the things that you did wrong.

And y'all know I'm more than happy to tell everybody all of my ways that I'm growing and learning.

So once again, one of the main ways that I was self sabotage, other than, you know, setting unrealistic goals, which we're going to kind of touch on in the second one.

But procrastination was my number one.

So I would make up all kinds of stories, I'd tell myself, okay, I'll start on this tomorrow.

Or you know what, I've got a lot to do this week, so I'm going to start on that next week.

Or I'm really tired today, I'm going to do that later.

Or well, I really need to wait until I've lost X amount of pounds.

So I'll do that next month.

Like, there was always an excuse.

And look, I'm not saying that sometimes we aren't tired.

Like, sometimes we don't need to wait, we need to pause, we need to study, we need to practice, reflect all of those things.

Y'all know I'm a huge fan of all of that.

But I think we all know, like, if we are being truly honest with ourselves, we all know when we're just procrastinating.

And for me, being aware of that has been pivotal.

Like now I will, like, I'll still tell myself the excuse.

I'll be like, oh, I'm, I'm tired, I don't want to do that.

And then like 30 seconds later I'm like, wait a minute, am I really tired or am I just trying to procrastinate?

And then like, I'll kind of do an energy check and I'm like, oh, nope, just trying to procrastinate.

That's all it is.

The second way that I was self sabotaging was an addiction to chaos.

And I think for me this came from working in the restaurant industry for so long.

You know, the restaurant industry is high pace.

Like, you're moving, you're grooving, people are complaining, stuff is happening.

You got like a lunch rush, a dinner rush.

When I was in Fayetteville, you know, you had a baseball rush.

You had basketball, you had football.

Like there was always, it was always like nothing or like sprint, sweat, run.

Like people are screaming at you, the kitchen screaming at you, the bar screaming at you.

You gotta like, you're forgetting stuff and you're, you got to remember and all the things.

So I lived in chaos for 13, 14 issues.

The restaurant industry.

And then, you know, I went to wine and spirits, which, which was a whole nother set of chaos.

And then I got into real estate, which is yet another form of chaos.

And so I have really had to practice like telling myself, okay, just because everything is going right doesn't mean something is wrong.

Like that's literally what I would tell myself.

Like I, if something was going good with work or if I was like having, I just finished a project and I felt really good about it, I'd be like, I would like fabricate an issue.

I'd be like, oh, I gotta run over here and do this or well this person needs these five things or whatever it is.

I'd be almost to the end of accomplishing my goal and then I would come up with this fabricated, dramatic, chaotic excuse and I'd sprint and go do the thing.

And then I'd be like, well, I just couldn't finish whatever I started because that big dramatic thing happened and I had to go deal with it.

But I was self sabotaging.

Like, I'm not joking.

When you sit down and like have a really honest conversation with yourself, you're like, oh, yikes.

Okay, that was, that was definitely self sabotage.

And then this third one that I'm gonna mention is one I truly genuinely did not even realize I was doing it.

But once again like self awareness when I look back and like I didn't realize this until like a couple weeks ago and I do this all of the time is I seek others opinions.

And this is not in like a, I'm not saying this from like an anti collaborative way because I definitely think like brainstorming with others and collaborating with others is so important.

Like, especially if someone is like on the same journey with you or they're in the same field as you are, or they've already done the thing that you're doing or they've gone through a big change or whatever it is.

But I wasn't doing that.

Like I was just going up to random friends and random people and throwing this big idea that I had had months to sit on and process and think about.

I would throw it like out to them and then they would go ah, well or oh well, or however their reaction was.

And, like, I would instantly be like, okay, this is a bad idea.

Like, you're right, this is a bad idea.

But, like, first off, I didn't even give them a chance to think about it.

Second, they aren't in my life and they don't know, like, the backstory, the scenario, the things I've worked on.

But I was doing that self sabotage.

And, like, now I see it.

Like, I will literally have the best idea.

I'll be so excited about it, and then I'll go to, like, lunch with a friend and I'll bring it up.

Like, I'll bring it up too quick before I, like, I'm even confident about it.

And the friend will, in the best way possible, go.

Like, they won't mean to do this.

It's just, I feel like it's just a natural reaction.

When you hear something that's kind of outlandish, you go, oh, well, you might want to think about that or be careful.

You know, you might want to.

I don't know if I am that friend.

Like, if somebody tells me, hey, I think I want to open like the world's biggest zoo in El Dorado, Arkansas, I'm like, okay, do you need my help?

Like, how are we going to do this?

What's our timeline?

Like, do you need me to do some marketing for you?

You know, like, I kind of go the opposite.

And so I do think that I kind of project that onto other people and I need their doubt.

And so I'll just like spew all my ideas onto people.

And then as soon as they have any hesitancy, I grab it and I go, okay, that's my reason.

That's the reason right there.

That's why I'm not going to do this.

So and so didn't think it was a good idea.

And they're right.

And you know what?

They might be right.

But just be careful with who you are telling things to, who you're getting opinions from.

Just make sure that you're not self sabotaging when you are doing, you know, whatever that activity is.

So we talked about all the things we've been doing wrong, not doing wrong, just things that we weren't aware of.

So let's talk about breaking the cycle.

And y'all, I'm gonna be a broken record by the time this podcast is over.

But awareness is key, like being able to identify yourself.

Sabotaging habits can be such a game changer because I think once you start recognizing your patterns, you can stop blaming external factors.

You can stop blaming the economy, you can stop blaming the president, you can stop blaming gas prices, you can stop blaming your neighbor, you can stop blaming your husband, you can stop blaming your kids.

You can stop blaming all these things and be like, okay, the reason I haven't accomplished this is because of myself.

And girl, I'm going to tell you right now, it is not easy.

Like, I have had a rough year because I've had that conversation that I just had where I was like, oh, well, it's all of these external reasons why I can't get anything done.

But then when I was aware and I was honest with myself, I was like, oh, that it's my fault.

Like, I.

I am the only one that is in control of that.

And so I'm the only one who can change that situation.

And the second one I gosh, I trampled over my own self was honesty with yourself.

So the importance of facing your own behaviors without judgment, like, that's huge.

Without judgment, we're not judging ourselves.

We're not getting upset with ourselves.

We're just being aware so that we can do something about it.

An example for that is, am I really too busy or am I just avoiding this because it is uncomfortable?

And if it is uncomfortable, that's okay.

That means you're probably doing something new and doing this stuff is good for us, even if it doesn't feel great in the beginning.

So these are some steps to.

I still haven't found a good word.

I don't like the word overcome because I don't feel like you can ever overcome self sabotage because it's always going to show up in a different way.

So maybe steps to awareness of self sabotage.

That's how we'll word this.

So step number one, pause before acting.

Practicing mindfulness to avoid making rash decisions.

And you could even flip that on its head and you could say, practicing mindfulness to avoid procrastinating, because I feel like we all probably kind of do a little bit of both.

But you need to pause before you procrastinate just as much as you need to pause before you act in a rash way.

You know, the person who rushes to hire an employee and the employee ends up being a hot mess, they get fired, there's a lawsuit, It's a whole drama.

That person is in the same boat as the person who procrastinates hiring the employee, and they have too much on their own plate and they are overwhelmed and things fall between the cracks, and then their business isn't able to pay the bills.

And like, the Government's knocking on their door.

You know, like, it's kind of both ends of the spectrum, but in both situations you need to pause before you act.

Number two, set realistic goals.

Avoiding overwhelmed by focusing on one step at a time.

And that goes back into, like, building up your confidence.

Set goals that you can achieve.

Like, I think we can all achieve whatever we want, but I think we need to set realistic timelines and we also need to give ourselves the proper support.

So, like, if you tell yourself you're going to go, like, if you want to run a marathon by the end of Q1, like, I think you can do it.

But if you don't buy any running shoes and if you don't, like, train, then, like, how is that even a realistic goal?

Like, you've either got a set realistic timeline goals, you've got to set yourself up, you might have to, like, mentally set yourself up.

Not even, like, in a physical sense.

There's all kinds of different ways that setting realistic goals can fall into that category.

But just make sure that you're being aware of your skills, your strengths while you're setting that goal so that way it doesn't turn into another round of self sabotage where you set this completely unrealistic, unrealistic goal just to prove to yourself that you couldn't do it.

Number three, boundary setting, Limiting whose opinions you ask for and filtering advice.

I know we all get excited and we want to tell our friends all the things and we want to tell our family all the things, and I think that's great.

But if you're someone like me who starts to doubt themselves a little bit sometimes when I get too many opinions, maybe just, you know, keep those to yourself until you feel confident with them or just share them.

And don't take everyone's opinions to heart, especially if it's someone who, like I said, is not in that next phase, in that next level, someone that you actually look at as a mentor, like, if you wouldn't trade places with that person or you don't aspire to have that person's life, then you probably don't need to take opinions and advice from them.

And then number four, create systems relying on routines or tools to reduce chaos.

Even if you're not addicted to chaos like I was, I think that making decisions from a clear place, it does allow us to have a little bit more awareness.

And we do catch things like self sabotage a little bit faster.

So I think reducing chaos can be beneficial to us all.

And that's all I got for y'all.

Today, self sabotage is common, but it's not insurmountable.

I wanted to talk about self sabotage because I feel like we're headed into the season, the new year, new me.

I'm going to start working out in January.

I've got to set my New Year's goals.

I've got to do business planning.

All the things.

Like, we're definitely headed into that season.

I don't know if Yalls email accounts are filled with like, are you getting ready for 2025?

Are you doing all the things for 2025?

I'm like, yes, I am.

Like, okay, calm down.

So I wanted to talk about this before we got into that season because I know for myself I would go into the new year with these big, over the top, lavish goals.

But, like, the sneaky little self sabotage in me was the one who made the goal so unrealistic.

And I knew that I couldn't accomplish them in the timeline given or that I hadn't supported myself enough.

And so I would be like, oh, well, another year.

Blakely didn't hit her New Year's goals.

Oh, poor me.

I can't trust myself.

So I just wanted to have this little reminder going into this season that self sabotage is sneaky.

She is sneaky, girl.

She trying to come in and derail all of our big ideas and dreams and goals.

So don't let her.

And I'm going to talk about New Year's goals Friday.

I.

I think that I have a name for my Friday shorts.

I think I'm going to call them Clarity calls.

It's a little cheesy, but I think I'm gonna run with it.

So I've hired a business coach and we are.

It's funny that I just made fun of it because we are working on my 2025 stuff right now.

And she is.

She is the business coach that I needed because she is so brutal.

Oh, my goodness.

She is the definition of brutal.

Brutal honesty.

Like, instantly, she'll be like, did you even put any time and thought into that?

I'm like, no.

She's like, okay, well, you need to go back and redo this.

I'm like, she's very dry, and I'm thriving under her guidance.

But she has given me a task to get super clear on something that I thought was a couple of years out.

And she was like, girl, you can do that by the end of March.

Like, why are you waiting?

And one of the words that has come up in all of the work that we've done is clarity.

It's funny because I got clear and the word clarity came.

So we're going to try to mesh everything together.

I'm going to try to use these Friday episodes as kind of an alignment towards where everything is headed.

The answer to that I'm not really sure.

But we're going with the flow.

We're going to see how it works.

So the clarity call on Friday is going to be around New Year's goals and my opinions on New Year's goals.

My thoughts, if I have any this year.

Okay, I think that's it.

Thank you all for listening to me ramble now for 20 minutes, and I hope that y'all got a little something out of this episode.

And if you did, please leave a review.

Share this episode with a friend.

I would certainly love to, you know, make an impact on someone else's day as well.

Thank you for tuning in to the Elevated Edit podcast.

I hope you found today's episode inspiring and full of actionable tips.

Don't forget to check out the show notes for all the resources and links mentioned.

If you enjoyed the show, please subscribe, leave a review and share it with your friends.

Follow us on social media for more updates and inspiration.

Until next time, keep growing, glowing and elevating your life.

See you soon.