Hello.

Welcome back to another wisdom episode.

I'm so glad that you're here.

This is your little Monday snippet of just bringing back all the insights and the information just to reinforce it back to you in those sort of golden bits of the conversation.

That's why I bring it back.

I just love having that little reminder and just allowing the information to penetrate a little bit further.

And just before we get started, this is your reminder that the ADHD Women's Wellbeing Toolkit is now available.

And everything that I discuss on the podcast in these wisdom episodes, any of the bonus episodes is all of it is in the book.

And I wanted to bring it was kind of like bringing the podcast into book format, but bringing it through practical strategies and being able to kind of get a lot of what I wanted to say and maybe don't have time to say in the podcast down so you can open it up wherever you are, have a cup of tea, read a chapter, allow yourself to just try one of those practical tools, whether it's a breathing exercise or it's a bit of tapping or it's journaling, just whatever that is.

I've had so many wonderful reviews and testimonials saying how helpful the book has become.

People are buying it one for themselves and one for a loved one.

They're giving it to the male members of their family as well.

So this is not just a book for women.

This is about better understanding across the ecosystem of adhd.

So I just wanted to let you know that if you are a big fan of the podcast, the book can be really, really helpful.

But let's get started on today's episode.

Here it so this is a conversation with another good friend of mine, someone who's been on my path, my coach.

Someone that has helped me go through this whole process of understanding myself and then channeling all my positive attributes into what I've been doing over the past five years.

Her name is Caroline Britton.

She is a gifted energy worker.

She's a mentor, she's a guide, she's a coach.

She understands business, but also understands it through an energetic perspective as well, which for me has been in everything.

It's a clearing those blockages, those belief systems that prevent us from reaching our potential.

And what you're going to get from this clip is a deeper understanding of what our intuition is, how we can recognize those internal nudges, like what are they saying to us, how to notice when we are getting that little whisper, and how we can navigate fear and uncertainty with the noisy Minds of adhd.

And she's also going to give us some tips to take action.

Even when we're terrified, when they're, when the fear, fear is there and how we move through that, it's really, really powerful.

Here it is.

So, you know, if someone's listening and.

They are, they're not understanding the words energetics, spiritual connection, intuition.

They have been in this sort of world where it's just been brain based, thinking logical.

Everything has to make sense, that their career has to make sense.

And the word nudges are like, what is that?

Is that an idea?

I think it takes someone to bring that out.

And you definitely did that to me because everything I did was brain based.

And it was like, well, that doesn't make sense, that's not logical.

So I can't do that.

But there'd be something deep inside of me that would say, I want to start podcast, I want to write a book, I want to help people.

But I didn't know how to make any of that happen.

I didn't even know like I could do it.

Like, what are these words?

It's a great question.

So it's basically your body giving you signals that something is off.

So it can feel like discomfort, it can feel like lack of clarity, it can feel like a sense that something's just not quite right.

So when we live and I worked in the corporate world for 14 years and lived very much through my head and very much through logic and reason and intuition, as I call it, is in the body.

It's a feeling.

So there is a feeling that there's something more for you.

There's a feeling that something's not right, there's a feeling that something's off.

And no matter how in your head you are, we all experience things with our body.

You know, just this nudge of I don't want to walk down that path tonight or I don't think I should go and do that, or there's something about that person or this place feels a bit weird.

We do have lots of experiences through our body and, and it's very, very similar when you're being what I call nudged.

Nudged is a feeling within your body that something isn't quite right and that something's trying to get your attention.

That's the best way I'd explain it.

And so I guess we'll come to how you uncover that.

But I would say that is, that's what it is, is your body is trying to tell you something.

And then often when we don't listen it gets louder and louder and louder.

Yeah, yeah.

And I know that that can come.

In the form of physical health.

You know, mental health issues, breakdowns in relationships, your career kind of crumbling before, you know, things almost just like blowing up before your eyes.

All shutting and cake can feel like chaos, you know, that they.

Yeah, it can feel like, gosh, why are all these doors shutting?

Why are things happening here?

It's like a big movement that goes on in our external environment, and it's basically a force greater than me rearranging things.

I mean, it's terrifying, isn't it, when these things happen.

But I think the more work I do, like, the inner work that I do, the more spiritual work I do.

I see that, actually the change and change, like this rumbling of change, that it can feel very unsettling and scary and, like, thinking, what the hell?

Like, I've worked so hard for all of this, or this wasn't the way my life was meant to look.

And then all of a sudden, it's kind of.

There's a clarity there of, well, actually, you know, maybe this rug being pulled from underneath me is what I have not been listening to for many, many years.

And I've been seeing this in my community and my clients that the ADHD diagnosis has been coming for a long time because they've had so many different things that have been going on in their life.

You know, mental health crises, lots of physical health, you know, women's health issues.

Maybe perimenopause is, like, you know, creeping up, lots of hormonal issues.

And we've been too busy, and we've.

Been so focused on productivity and achievement and this external validation of what success looks like.

And then actually, it's kind of like, well, no, I need to stop.

Go within, start listening and changing things.

And it can feel really scary.

And we feel like we don't know what we're doing and we might need our hand holding.

And I know that coaching can be very, very helpful.

Are you noticing women, especially, like, in their 40s, mid-40s, that this seems to.

That there is a pattern there where we're just not willing to, I guess, subscribe to the way our life was.

And there's a shift that we are just desperate for, but we don't even know what it is?

Yes.

Women are men, right.

And I think there is something around late 30s into 40s, where there is a.

A shift.

But, you know, these shifts can happen at any time in our lives.

I can look back and see huge times of transformation from the age of like, you know, 21, and then a big one at 30, and then a big one at 36.

So I can see them at different stages.

And what I would say is, just to address your point around change.

Feeling scary?

Yes.

I mean, it is scary because change is unknown.

And what does the ego fear?

It fears the unknown.

The ego loves familiarity.

It just wants to keep us safe.

So it's like just, let's just keep things as they were and we'll be safe.

And we know that that's not the nature of life.

Like, life changes.

There's deaths, there's rebirth.

That's cyclical.

It's just the part of the human experience.

It's like the whole spectrum of it.

So change is scary.

That's not a bad thing.

That what we're actually scared of is that we can't necessarily see exactly what comes after the storm.

Right after the chaos, after the clearing of the energy, we can't see it.

And that's terrifying.

When we want to control, that's what we want to do.

Because control, we think, equals safety, and that's not true.

Safety is always within.

Yeah, you can find deep, deep feelings of safety when you feel like you're in the storm.

Yeah, for sure.

And it's.

It's safe to feel familiar, even if the familiar doesn't feel right and it doesn't feel aligned anymore.

But it's like you're safe.

At least you know what to expect.

You know what the outcome's going to be.

How do we do that?

You know, how do we navigate so much fear in our bodies?

What I think is a really powerful thing to do is the first thing that's going to come up when you.

When you're starting to feel the sense that you need to make some change, is your mind is going to tell you that you have to fix and do, I would actually say at the very beginning, come away from you needing to fix and do anything and say at the moment, all I've got to do is observe and be honest.

So this really helped me because the overwhelm of some of the seismic decisions that I was being called to make was too much in my nervous system to start thinking about how.

Where I'd even begin.

So I always made this agreement with myself where I said, well, what I'll do is I'm just going to listen.

I'm just going to listen to what feels off.

I'm going to listen to what I actually want.

I'm going to listen to where I'm being nudged.

I'M going to observe what's coming up for me, and I'm just going to be really, really honest.

That is the first place to start.

Like, just take away that pressure of needing to come up with all the answers and what you're going to do, because it's too much beginning.

So as long as that process takes, and you'll know when it's complete, spend some time to say, yeah, this feels off.

And actually I want this, and this feels really important to me, and this doesn't fit anymore.

And what I would say as well is when you're doing this exercise is it doesn't make anything wrong with what's been in the past.

So it's not like, well, you've got.

You're exactly where you're supposed to be, right?

So it's not that you have got it wrong or that you.

Or it makes the thing that you were doing before bad.

The relationship, the corporate job, whatever.

It doesn't make it bad.

It just means that it's coming to an end and there's a new chapter.

It's a really different relationship to have with it.

So that's the first phase.

The second phase, I would say, is when you are really clear about what's off, I want you to get really clear about what you do want.

So actually, what is this vision of the life that you want to have?

Like, how do you feel?

How are you living?

What's important to you?

What are important values?

Do they line up with where you are?

So for me, freedom, peace and safety are fundamental.

So my job is to look at whether it's relationships, my work, and say, is there a match here?

And if there's not a match and we've got a problem, because they're fundamental values that I have that are important to me.

And I would ask myself, what would bring me peace, what would bring me love, what would bring me safety?

And go through all of these things and get really, really clear on what it is that you want.

What's the dream like, what, what.

What is it that you think lights you up?

That's the second thing.

The third thing is break it down and start.

I'll finish on the third things.

There's many other steps that I want to.

I want to make it really simple and tangible for people.

The third step is to say, okay, if I trusted what I'm being shown and the change that I'm being drawn towards, what are some actions I could take in that direction, what are some scary things that I could do?

So it could Be starting to have the conversations with people.

It could be starting to look to the new job, it could be starting to set up your website for your new business.

It could be start to research the place that you want to move to abroad, whatever it might be.

But what actions can you take in that direction?

And just say over three months, I'm going to allow myself to start taking actions that may feel uncomfortable, but it's because it's part of my growth.

And those are the three places that I would start with.

If, you know, you've got that niggle of change and there's different guidance I'd give if you were much further along the road.

But I think that's the fundamental place to start.

Now, I'm not going to speak generally.

For everybody with adhd, but I know many of us with ADHD we have, I think, this sort of like this long, deep trauma of not trusting ourselves because there's so much going on in our heads and there's so much noise and it's hard for us to decipher.

Like, is that real?

Is that my intuition?

Is that an idea?

Is that something I should listen to?

Is that impulsive?

Is that coming from a people pleasing perspective?

And it's just that there's probably about 10 different voices going off and for us to be able to go and get quiet and sit still and hear that aligned voice, it can be very, very tricky for us.

Do you ever have moments, even though I know how deeply connected you are sort of intuitively where you kind of go, that's just impossible?

Like, what the hell?

Yes.

Yes.

Not only do I think it's impossible or I think I've lost the actual plot, I would use, like the kind of words I would hear is, you've gone too far now, Caroline.

That's a big thing.

Like, that's the voice of the ego for me.

You know, I may have shared before that I've named Alinda.

She's a bit of a pessimist and always fretting and fearful and overthinking.

But that's the voice that I hear is like, you've gone too far now.

So there's a couple of things I want to say to your points.

The first one is the regulation of your nervous system is absolutely fundamental when you're trying to navigate change.

Because if you have a dysregulated nervous system, you're in a state of survival and your brain literally can't access the cognitive functions it needs to to be able to have clarity, to think about things.

Differently.

It's a state of stress, state of survival.

So somatic work, breath, walking, sleep, any, anything that you know, works for you in your toolkit to regulate your nervous system is really important.

And I found gentle somatic movement really, really, really powerful.

And in terms of these nudges.

So I spoke a little bit to that voice and you know, I would say that I've been, I've been working with this for many, many years now.

This kind of nudge move, nudge move.

Like I really, really walk the walk with that, which has meant doing extraordinarily scary things in my life.

I think that first of all, we've got to give ourselves some grace.

That as a human being it is going to be scary and fear is going to come up.

And for me, what the way that I work with that fear is, there's not an expectation that there is none of it, but there's certainly a commitment to myself that I won't be held hostage by it and I won't allow it in the driver's seat.

So yes, it's going to be there, but I absolutely, categorically refuse to live a life led by fear.

I will not make decisions based on fear.

I will not do it.

I will not stay in something that I'm, I don't want to be in.

I won't do something in my business.

I won't make choices based on fear because it is a frequency that is like trying to grow things in concrete.

Right.

It just doesn't work.

So that is one thing that I'd encourage people to, to lean into is there may always be fear on whatever path you're picking because it's the way that we're built as a protection instinct.

But what decisions are you making for a place of fear which are dictating your life?

And is that the way that you want to live?

And what would your 80 year old self say?

I do all of these things, like often go to her and say 18, 90 years old, like, what advice would she be giving me?

Yeah, it's right to listen to the guidance, it's right to listen to the nudges.

It's okay to be happy.

You deserve to be happy.

Like, you deserve to be free.

Like these are the things that think about.

That's the first thing I would say about fear.

And then the next thing I would say is you are more brave than you think.

And one of the biggest gifts that you can give yourself is a deep trust that you will work it out no matter what.

Every one of us has the capability to work out and you have the resiliency and you have everything that you need.

And I believe the universe will provide you with the people, the resources, everything you need to get you that.

It doesn't mean that they always come in when we want.

It doesn't mean that it's always smooth sailing.

But it's so important that you don't let the fear of failure or get it wrong stop you from living your truest life.

For me, the biggest thing, like, it's a mission for me, that don't want people to have regret about what they didn't do because they didn't feel they were brave enough, or they didn't feel that they could do it, or they didn't feel they were right to trust themselves.

You were born with an inner guidance system that knows.

It's just you have the whole of society and all of this programming to tell you the opposite.

Like, you're not enough.

Listen to us.

Look outside of yourself.

We're all separate.

Look over here.

Look on Instagram and listen to your teachers.

Look, listen to the coding from your parents.

It's just.

It's a coding.

That's all it is.

There is a part within you that when you get quiet and still enough, knows, and that is like, that's your Northern Star.

And that's what I really want to encourage people to lean into.

So I hope you enjoyed listening to this shorter episode of the ADHD Women's Wellbeing podcast.

I've called it the ADHD Women's Wellbeing Wisdom because I believe that there's so much wisdom in the guests that I have on and their insights.

So sometimes we just need that little bit of a reminder.

And I hope that has helped you today and look forward to seeing you back on the brand new episode on Thursday.

Have a good rest of your week.