[00:00:00] Growing up my entire life. It was always for everybody else. It was always everybody else, happiness, everybody else goals, everybody else's life. And I was the people pleaser. So it was like somebody asked me and I didn't know how to say no. It was like, oh yeah. Okay. Even though deep down inside, I'm like, no, I don't wanna do that.

[00:00:19] Or I don't wanna go down that path. This was literally the first time that I can remember as an adult where I said, you know what? I don't care what anybody else thinks. This is for me. I need to take care of me and I'm coming first. And if you don't like it, that's fine. You don't have to like it. But I like it. And I'm going to be different and better.

[00:00:45] Welcome to Why She's Winning with your host, Christy Rutherford, a master of office politics and self-care advocacy. Christy's clients have received over 10 million in salary raises in a pandemic, surprised that women are still getting paid during these challenging times.

[00:01:02] It's possible for you too. You can have it all. If you believe you deserve it, Christy and her guest will assist you with that. Let's get started.

[00:01:12] Welcome back everyone, welcome to Why She's Winning a podcast solely created for women to win. The world keeps telling us that we're going to lose the world, keeps saying that women aren't being promoted into the C-suite women.

[00:01:27] Haven't been promoted into the C-suite for the past 20 years. Women are now going through a pink recession and then was interested. I read an article that said women are being set back or the effects that the coronavirus is gonna set women back for decades. And I'm like, but I thought what you have been reporting for the past five to 10 years is that we weren't moving forward anyway.

[00:01:46] So where exactly are we going? And so my goal is to create a new narrative around what are women doing to win? What are successful women doing? And what are women doing to actually live a fulfilled life? So my guest today is one of my favorite people in the whole wide world, Kelly Sexton.

[00:02:05] Kelly is a nationally recognized leader, a keynote speaker and mentor. She helps to foster a culture of progress and not perfection. Be better today than you were yesterday by continuing to move forward. Kelly believes that it's never too late for anyone to live their best life. I can't wait for this interview. You can start at any point along the way.

[00:02:27] After being married four times, Kelly finally learned that the love she was seeking was for herself. She invested considerable time and money into personal development and learned to embrace her spiritual side. At 62, Kelly is finally living the life she imagined her entire life to be. She has written for a national trade magazine, spoken at numerous conferences around the country.

[00:02:51] And Kelly was recently featured in the documentary The Miracle Morning about Hal Elrod, a welcome Kelly.

[00:03:00] Howdy. Thank you. Sounds good. I'd like to meet that person.

[00:03:06] I love, I love to read a good bio and I love to have my bio read and I'd be like, yep, yep, that's me. I win. Yes. Yes. So, Kelly, let's talk about why it's important for women to know that is never too late to live the life that they secretly desire?

[00:03:28] Well, we're only given one day and that's today. And you know, it's like the past, you can't do anything about. I mean, the future you're not sure is going to ever happen. And so my question is what are you waiting for? You have today. And make the best of today. And years ago I read a book called The Four Agreements and basically one of the number one agreements is be the best you can be and I've actually modified it.

[00:03:59] So I've made it into five. And so the first one that I say is, be better today than I was yesterday. So therefore I'm the best I can be. And then be impeccable with your words. Don't take things personally and don't make assumptions. And go forward from there.

[00:04:18] Okay. Well, I'll be looking for Kelley's book to come out, call the five agreements, the extra agreement.

[00:04:26] So let's talk about where you were when we first met and what was the catalyst and the desire for change because as we know, most people changed through inspiration and then a lot of high achievement women, we changed through desperation because we're too busy to change and be inspired. I was desperate.

[00:04:49] But where were you and, what was the catalyst and the desire for you to say, you know what? I need to do something different.

[00:04:56] Well, we met in probably one of the darkest times in my life and it's very vivid to me. I can remember sitting in this little, teeny, tiny master bedroom apartment that was illegally constructed.

[00:05:11] So the electricity didn't work. I couldn't run the heater at the same time. I could run my computer because it would shut the breaker off, which I didn't have any control over. So I was freezing all the time. And I had just lost a job that I thought I was going to have for a very long time.

[00:05:33] Actually, it was just about this time. It was in November. And going into the holidays not a good time to be looking for work. And I was tired of what I was doing, not sure where I wanted to go. And I came across podcast or webinar or something that you were going to be doing on LinkedIn through one of the groups.

[00:05:58] And I said, you know what, I'm gonna sign up. I gotta do something different, it's not working. And I was very, very excited and what was not known to me at the time was you got very, very sick and were not able to do that webinar. And you didn't realize that not everyone had been notified that you were sick.

[00:06:21] And so very graciously, you reached out to me and said, I'll give you a private session. So let's chat for 30 minutes and 45 minutes later and copious notes, which I still have in my folder, labeled Christy. You convinced me that you could help me be the Phoenix to rise out of the ashes and there was a better way.

[00:06:50] And everything I had been doing prior to that was not working. So like, I'm ready for a different way. I need help. And so you were my lifeline at that time?

[00:07:01] Yes. Well, apparently that needed to happen. I used to get sick and it used to be the effects of. Some ailment that I had in the coast guard, which I don't have it anymore.

[00:07:10] I would lose my voice for like 10 days. Like I could not talk, which for people who talk all the time, Kelley. It's very dangerous, but apparently God set that up so we can have the conversation, but we didn't work together in that moment. But you got clarity on where you needed to be. And then I think you came back.

[00:07:30] I don't know if maybe like five or six months later and you said I'm ready. So what was that moment like?

[00:07:37] I had found some part-time work. But again, it wasn't satisfying. I was still doing exactly the same things going through the same motions, seeing the same mistakes over and over again. And again, you had posted something that said, Hey, I'm going to be starting something up in the fall.

[00:07:53] And I was to the point where, okay, I've seen this pattern way too many times. And as you read my bio, you know, I'm almost in my mid sixties, not quite there yet. But it was like it needed to change. And so I bit the bullet pulled out my credit card and asked you can we do payments?

[00:08:13] Let's do this. I'm committed to myself. I'm going to do this. And we started working together in September of that following year.

[00:08:23] Oh wow. That's interesting because, you know, I talked to a lot of people who know in the moment that they need to change and then like, and they say, well, I'm gonna, one lady I talked to said, well, I'm gonna call you next June.

[00:08:35] And I said, first of all, how do you even know we're going to be alive in June? You know, like I'm not saying that you may not be here, but I may not be here. And so I love it that it was almost a year later cuz I thought we started working together in March. But when you said we talked, you knew there was a clearer path available to you.

[00:08:58] And then you still fell into the same patterns of what you had been doing. And so a lot of people say, well, Christy, I need to get prepared before I work with you. And I'm like, but what are you gonna do besides what you're already doing? It's let's work together so we can clear the clutter and then you can move forward.

[00:09:18] Exactly.

[00:09:20] Yeah. And then you were like, you know what I mean? You were like, when we got on the phone, it was like, I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready right now, take my money, take my money. Like, I'm doing this for me. And that's what you kept saying. You kept saying over and over and over again, I'm doing this for me.

[00:09:35] I'm doing this for me. So tell the ladies what it's like, I guess, to, you know, cuz apparently. If you were saying that it was out of fear and something that you haven't done before, so you were breaking through that pattern to say I'm doing it for me. Talk to us about that.

[00:09:50] Well, exactly, because growing up my entire life, it was always for everybody else.

[00:09:56] It was always everybody else happiness, everybody else goals, everybody else's life. And I was the people pleaser. So it was like, somebody asked me and I didn't know how to say no. It was like, oh yeah, okay. Even though deep down inside, I'm like no, I don't wanna do that. Or I don't wanna go down that path. And so this was literally the first time that I can remember as an adult where I said, you know what?

[00:10:21] I don't care what anybody else thinks. This is for me. I need to take care of me and I'm coming first. And if you don't like it, that's fine. You don't have to like it, but I like it and I'm going to be different and better.

[00:10:38] Yeah. And you were 60. I think you were.

[00:10:41] Yes.

[00:10:42] You were 60 when it took and it's okay. Right, because that's how you say it's never too late. At 60, it was your first time where you made the decision to do something for yourself.

[00:10:55] Yes.

[00:10:57] So if we don't learn it in 20, if we don't learn it in 30 , you know, it's like, if you think it's gonna happen through osmosis at 40, we're gonna slip down the hill at 50, at 60.

[00:11:12] It is something that we have to relearn about ourselves is not a condition that's going to magically bestow itself upon us through a rainbow. Does that make sense?

[00:11:22] Oh, absolutely. And, and even at 60, I was like, oh okay. But boy, am I glad now.

[00:11:32] Yes. So, tell the ladies about what was one of the things that we worked on that made a large shift initially in where you were at that moment.

[00:11:48] Well, the biggest thing and the most dramatic thing was you had me go through the forgiveness process. And at 60 years of age, I had lots and lots and lots of things that needed to be processed through. And so, I did the tapping and you mentioned at the beginning, I was married and, divorced four times.

[00:12:14] So, it's like when you go through this section on, you know, husbands, whatever, I had to go through that chapter four times, there was a lot there. In fact, I had to go back through it because stuff kept coming up. But to be able to move forward. I had to forgive all of those things and then finally forgive myself for not taking care of me.

[00:12:39] And basically wiping the slate clean and starting over so that I can be the person that I was designed to be.

[00:12:48] Woo. That's good. So forgiveness. And I remember I had to prod you a few times and a little bit of WWF and wrestle you down to the ground. And I say that because forgiveness is tough.

[00:13:00] It's not this. We want change to come through osmosis. We want a leprechaun to knock, knock, knock. Amazon to deliver me my freedom on prime and it's gonna happen in two days. And so forgiveness is the absolute hardest thing that you will ever do, but it will set you free the fastest. So tell the ladies about what happened after you did the forgiveness process.

[00:13:30] Absolutely huge. I mean, it was like this giant weight or, the Albatros just got lifted off and I was able to see things totally different. I was able to step back and stop reacting to things and the anger started dissipating. The love started growing for my family in particular, cuz as we all do, you know, we've all got different things going on, difficult family situation.

[00:14:06] And so I was able to start learning how to love, which I'd really never known before. And all my relationships started shifting in a positive direction because I wasn't the block. I wasn't stopping all that was supposed to be coming to me because I was open.

[00:14:27] Yeah, that's so good. I know that when we put walls up to protect ourselves, even at a young age, you put the wall up the wall, not only.

[00:14:39] Keeps out the bad, but it doesn't let the good in as well. And so we become this person where you can't feel love, that's always available to you because the unforgiveness is like this frequency and this energy that's blocking it. And so once you let that go, now, you can feel, does that make sense?

[00:14:59] Yeah.

[00:15:00] Where you're not numb anymore and, you can stop reacting to stuff. So tell the ladies about the reaction piece, because a lot of times when we're mad, we're mad from a place of our pain, and then we can become easier victimized by other people because we're not managing our own energy.

[00:15:17] You really helped me in the terms of, and I still have it actually on my refrigerator. I have a whiteboard. And it's stop, look, and listen. And so when someone would send something at me and initially, I didn't do it perfectly, but I'm much better at it now after a few years practice. But I would literally, I would take a step back and go, wait a minute.

[00:15:45] Where's that coming from? And I would not respond. Now, I have to tell you it's still in our modern day and social media and everything. It's incredibly hard. It's that text message that's coming in all the time and you just wanna go right back to somebody. You know, or the email, and it's literally, you know what. I don't need to respond to that.

[00:16:08] I need to just think about it and plan, or maybe not respond at all. And I've actually with one of my family members, that's what I actually do. She goes off and just rants and rants and rants. And if it's something earth shattering, you know, I'll respond. Otherwise, if it's not important, I don't respond anymore. Which is huge for me.

[00:16:30] I think it's whenever you're able to stop what are the three again?

[00:16:37] Stop, and then look at the situation, you know, from not your immediate vantage point and then listen to what the message really is not your initial reaction to it. And you may not react at all after you stop and listen. It's like, oh, I don't need to do anything.

[00:16:57] That's so good. It's several things, I'm gonna hold my hand right here to come back to this, but like you become an observer of the chaos and not a victim of it. So sometimes when other people have their chaos and their drama and their anger or their pain going on.

[00:17:16] When they text you angry, or even people who respond on social media, does that make sense? Or people who leave nasty comments, they're inviting you to join you. They're inviting you to join them in their chaos. And you have a decision when you stop, you don't immediately respond. So you're going to jump into the dirty pool with them.

[00:17:37] Does that make sense? Like they're inviting you, join me into chaos, you observe and you're like, okay, I'm gonna stop. I'm gonna look and then I'm gonna listen and you're like, no, I'm not gonna join you today. Go ahead.

[00:17:51] Well, I was just gonna say, I don't think, you know that one of my previous bosses, thanks to you. Nickname me, Switzerland. Because I could keep calm in the office and not be part of the drama. And that's what I brought to my role to him. And so he called me Switzerland.

[00:18:13] Yes. And that was a new learn skill. Wait. A new learn valuable skill because most senior leaders are stressed out and partially cray, cray, period.

[00:18:32] Like we're always bumping chess or fighting or diving it to the chaos. Typically out of ego and power struggle or whatever reason it doesn't matter. And whenever the leader can maintain her peace and her calm and her strength and not even be nasty and passive aggressive about it, people notice that and they love it.

[00:18:55] Exactly. And then they gravitate to you as well.

[00:19:00] Tell us a little bit more about that because when I think about women who are trying to kick these doors open to get into the C-suite and I'm like, but if you stop reacting and being angry, they would invite you in. But nobody wants to be around reactive.

[00:19:19] I think the men can handle it for each other. They just don't want the same reactions in men. So tell us about how the people in your environment started to gravitate towards your peace.

[00:19:31] Well, they initially noticed that I was happier and more things were coming my way and I was able to share more and I was able to give more and it was almost to the point of, I want what she has because I don't have that going on in my life. And so then I had more and more people who I didn't even know, were paying any attention who were like, oh, can I take you out to lunch? Or could we go do this? Or, you know, how did you do that? And another saying that I have on my whiteboard is don't take the bait.

[00:20:13] Because so many times with that stop, look and listen, people are dropping these little, like you take the worm, come on, come on, I wanna hook you. And I was like, no, I'm not hungry. Thank you. You know, you can't hook me. I'm swimming the other direction. And they were like, how did you do that?

[00:20:30] And it's like, I'm just staying in my space, doing what I know is the best for me. And just bringing my best, everyday.

[00:20:42] That is like an office politic Jedi mind trick because people are always inviting you to an ego game. It's senior leadership is 90% politics is 10% work. It's an ego game. And so they're trying to hook you to get a reaction out of you and, men, especially do it to strong women where they're trying to say something to try to get a reaction out of you and always say, if you shrink, they win.

[00:21:10] If you get angry, they win. So the goal is, is not to respond. And so we came up with the image of. If somebody has a bait or a hook and they're going fishing, they're only fishing for a reaction. And when they put the worm in front of you, you're like, nope, I'm not gonna take that worm today.

[00:21:30] And what you find is they stop fishing with you because they're just looking for a reaction and that's ego at its best. And when they can't get it from you, they're just gonna go harass somebody else.

[00:21:42] Exactly.

[00:21:42] They leave you alone. But as every time you respond and if they can get under your skin or if they can make you react, or if they can make you pissed off, they can make you angry.

[00:21:53] They can make you feel weak. They can make you cry. They're going to come to you again and again and again, because that's how bullies feel themselves up in their power.

[00:22:01] Yep.

[00:22:04] So, let's talk about you becoming happier. How did the definition of happiness change for you as you were doing the work on your self?

[00:22:15] Well, I allowed myself to do things that I never thought possible before. And so I started dreaming and imagining things that put me first and not somebody else. And it's not that I was putting them off to the side. And right after I went through the forgiveness step program with you, I learned from someone else to think about where you would like to be a year from now and to write down the most wildest dreams that you could possibly think of with no limitations of any kind and try to come up with as many as you possibly could. And so I wrote down 50 things in my book and I thought never attainable, never, never, never in my wildest dreams, attainable.

[00:23:03] And I kept focused on that and that was the main thing is just focusing on what was gonna be the best for Kelley at this point in my life. Cuz again, I don't know if I'm gonna have another day or not. And after three years I had completed 23 of the 50 items on my list and I got the nickname bucket list conqueror.

[00:23:29] Yes.

[00:23:29] From my peers.

[00:23:33] That's good. Two reasons because you talked about continual learning and a lot of times people think it's not necessarily about, oh, I wanna work with Christy forever. It's do something you don't even have to work with me, work with somebody and then understand that other people are going to have the keys that are gonna be able to unlock the next level of who you are.

[00:23:54] Yes.

[00:23:57] And then you wrote down 50 things that even one or two were unattainable in your mind and you've done 23.

[00:24:06] Exactly.

[00:24:08] So what does that feel like? Because typically when I asked about being happy, people say, well, I'm happy. And you're like, but your face doesn't agree with the words that are coming outta your mouth, or you see people on social media saying that I'm happy and not that much.

[00:24:29] So. What does it feel like to actually write down 50 things that were unattainable and then to achieve 23 of them? What does that feel like?

[00:24:42] I'm six feet off the ground and the momentum, you know, instead of rolling downhill with all the bad stuff, you know, I'm climbing the mountain and, joy in my step and had COVID not happened this year.

[00:24:59] I would've completed 26 things cuz I had three more plan for this year. And so it's like, wow, okay, what's next? You know, and one of them actually as we were talking, you know, people see and they want what you have, they wanna drink from your cup.

[00:25:21] So I actually had two girlfriends this summer joined me on a week long RV trip. And neither one of them have ever camped before ever been in an RV before. And it was like Thelma and Louise, but not going off the cliff and we traveled for a week COVID, you know, together and this RV, and I will say it was one of the most phenomenal of my life, never in my wildest dreams, did I think that could be possible?

[00:25:49] And they came along because they wanted to drink my coffee or whatever fountain of juice.

[00:25:55] You're happy juice. You're happy juice. You're happy coffee. I'm drinking coffee right now.

[00:26:02] So you talked about living or traveling in an RV. You actually live in an RV.

[00:26:11] Yep.

[00:26:11] Like that's what you wanted. So talk to us about that, cuz that's one of those things that people say they want, or it's not even allowing yourself to dream and then you actually achieved it.

[00:26:26] So that's huge for you.

[00:26:29] Oh yeah.

[00:26:29] What's the RV life like?

[00:26:30] Loving every minute of it, I live full-time in my RV. I've lived full-time since August 2019. And again, everybody thought I was absolutely wildly crazy. And I'm in the San Francisco bay area. So we're, you know, high tech. What do you mean?

[00:26:47] What do you mean you're living in your RV? Well, I'm living a quarter mile from the beach in Northern California. And when I was commuting to work, it was only 20 minutes to work and I've got 440 square feet. That's all mine with a beautiful living room. My kitchen behind me is actually bigger than my girlfriend's condo that she paid a million one for.

[00:27:11] And she's so jealous of my kitchen. I have a separate master suite bedroom and in the morning I can look out at the mountains when I'm working and watch the sunrise. To me it's heaven. And it's a dream that I had that I thought would never come to fruition. But here I am and I consider it living the dream.

[00:27:36] Yeah. Yeah, that is cuz it's your dream. It's not when people think you're crazy. Right. And you had the nickname, crazy Kelley when you were growing up and it was used in a negative way because you were always different. So tell the ladies about embracing it now and you're like, yeah, so what.

[00:27:58] Exactly

[00:27:59] The nicknames that we're given when we're younger, because we're different. I always say highly successful women, we're the weirdest people in the world. We're typically the black sheep. We're the ones that are rejected because we always want more and there's expansive life that we want and we get labeled negatively because of that. And then carry that on throughout our life.

[00:28:19] So talk to us about the difference between, you know, when you were younger being called crazy Kelley, and now if it's said to you.

[00:28:25] Oh, well, it was incredibly negative when I was growing up. My family used it every time I did something that they didn't approve of. And it was basically just to beat me down and beat me into submission because I made them incredibly uncomfortable and I was not.

[00:28:43] You know, as you said I was the black sheep and no one I knew at the time was another black sheep. So I had nothing to compare to, you know, and they talk about you are, you know, the five people that you're and I'm paraphrasing that poorly.

[00:29:01] Yeah. People that you're around. Right.

[00:29:02] Well, I was around my family and so it was like, I was miserable all the time. I was like, you know, a round pole or peg in a square hole. And it hurt every time I went into this square hole and it just kept chipping at me and chipping at me and chipping at me. But at the time, I couldn't let it go and I couldn't forgive myself for all the things that I've done.

[00:29:30] And I just figured I didn't deserve it. And after started working with you and started seeing the light and forgiving myself and starting to love myself, it's like it just keeps getting bigger and bigger and bigger. And now, they're back to, okay, are you writing the mini series? Who's writing your script.

[00:29:53] You know, it's gonna be more than one movie for your life, but now it's just like, oh, where are you going now? What are you doing now? And I'm like, I don't know. I'm waiting for the next chapter. You know, I've got lots planned, if God will give me the opportunity to stay here, I got lots of dreams to open up and go for.

[00:30:17] That's so good. I think about how we always, or T.D Jakes said, all the great leaders are misfits because you were never meant to fit in with the people that you were called to lead. And so the challenge is when we adjust who we are, or just society makes us adjust, and everybody wants to be a square peg, but the people who hold onto it, and it's not even that you wanna be a square peg.

[00:30:48] It's they make being the round peg so freaking painful. That you just live in pain and a lot of people just drink themselves into oblivion because they're never going to be the square. Does that make sense? Or they do certain things because you are suffocating or numbing your uniqueness because of the pain that is like to be so outcast and almost rejected because you won't conform. does that make sense?

[00:31:20] Oh yeah, exactly. I mean, that was your history when you were with the coast guard. I mean, it almost killed you.

[00:31:26] Yeah. Yeah. It is almost took me outta here. So, tell the ladies about, because when we started working together and you got free real fast, because I always tell people a lot of times we think that the path to where we are to where we want to be is like the size of the grand canyon and it's no way you're going to reach it because it's so far away from where you want to be.

[00:31:52] And typically it's a few small things, but there are a few small, hard things, that aren't hard physically. It's just how much resistance you're gonna have whenever you get ready to do it.

[00:32:04] But when you got free so fast, you were always worried that you would go back to who you used to be. And I'm like, Kelly, this is your life. And you're like, no, no, no, no, no, you don't understand. I can't be this happy this fast. The other shoe was gonna drop. So, tell the ladies about the fear of change and and whether or not it was real.

[00:32:27] Oh, no, you're absolutely right. I mean you know, once you kicked my butt a bit and got me to finally, you know, well then yeah, exactly. I needed it. Finally got me to do the forgiveness book, which was, I remember I started in January. It was doing the whole mindset of, oh, well it's a new year.

[00:32:45] I'm finally gonna do it after you'd been bugging me since like July of the year previously. And it's 30 sequences. And I think I did it in like 45, but once I got it done, then I didn't know how to live. I didn't know what the life was. Cuz I was so used to being in the pain and being in that horrible position that as things started opening up and aligning.

[00:33:11] I'm like, those aren't supposed to happen to me. Those have never happened to me. I have no experience with that. I don't know what's going to happen. And I remember having conversations with you where I'm like what do you mean that I got invited to the private booth at the San Francisco giants game to celebrate with an owner.

[00:33:34] My mom's experience that, you know, it's by invitation only, and I could bring a guest with me and you're like, that's where you're supposed to be. And I'm like, but ah, yeah. And I loved it by the way. That was so much fun.

[00:33:49] Yeah. Yeah, but that's where you belong.

[00:33:50] Yes. Yes. But as you said, I was always waiter and it's like, oh no, the grass is gonna be greener. And I need to stay back over here and you're like, no, no, no, no. You need to run to the green grass. You need to embrace it. Take your shoes off. Walk in the grass. Enjoy. There are no stickers there. You've made it. There's no weeds. And you're right.

[00:34:15] You sound like me. Like I was screaming, which I probably was.

[00:34:21] But for me, I needed to hear that at the time. And I am so grateful to you for doing that because you know, as you said, it was later in life. So I had a lot of stuff, a lot of baggage that I had to work through and chip away at so that, you know, it's kinda like a sculpture so that the final piece could come out.

[00:34:48] Yeah. I love that. So it's funny because I don't remember that part of telling you to run in the green grass, but then I remember it was probably maybe a year. I don't know, time is flying, but it's also going slow. Does that make sense? But you were in the grass and we'll talk about the benefits that you've incurred over time, because I always tell people it's not about the money. But we gonna get that money too. Like that's, that's my thing.

[00:35:15] Freedom is not about the money and we make it you know, as senior women, we're always chasing the money aspect and the titles and the power and all this other kind of stuff, but then you lose your joy and then you think that in order for me to have joy, I have to give up the money and I'm like, no, you don't understand.

[00:35:31] Let's go get your joy and then let's go get that money. But I remember we were having a conversation where you were like, it was a little further on where now you're in the grass and you were like, I'm looking for the greener grass and I'm like, you're in the green grass. Right. Like, wait you're, no, you created like the way that your job ended up playing out.

[00:35:57] I got excited every time something happened because I'm like, we can't make this stuff up. So, tell the ladies a little bit about the results that you got after you got the joy.

[00:36:10] Well, just more and more things coming it's like you said, I mean, I got my dream job. I worked for the best boss I've ever worked for in my life.

[00:36:19] He supported me in everything that I did. You know, you talked about, that we do, you know, whether it be personal development or learning or whatever. I got sent to conferences that most people in my position would never get sent to. My company sponsored one of your workshops and I came to North Carolina for a special weekend.

[00:36:44] I did two events in Arizona got to take his personal assistant with me to help her grow because he had seen the growth in me and he wanted her to grow alongside And I got opportunities. And you know, at the time bonuses and raises that no one else was getting because I was Switzerland and he'd seen the change in me.

[00:37:11] And I was able to bring that joy. And then finally, thanks to you. You know, I gave up on the title. You know, I didn't need the title and the higher up on the job description because I already had it handed to me on a silver platter because of the work that I had done and what I was able to give.

[00:37:35] Yeah. That's good. I almost forgot. So I appreciate you bringing that up. You were chasing a title when we first started working together. Like you wanted to be chief of staff. And let's go get the joy. And then when you got a raise, you got four bonuses and then you got stocks cuz the company went public and then they allowed you to start working from home to start building your small business.

[00:38:00] So you started to get all these things. That you thought that the title would bring and it's like, nevermind on the title. Nevermind.

[00:38:08] Exactly.

[00:38:11] You get two personal developments, conferences sponsored, you get to check things off on your bucket list. So you end up going to Australia and like all these things.

[00:38:21] So the title is almost fruitless because you can have the title, but you wouldn't have the 20 other things that you got. So it's really not about the title. But what really do you want? And when you got clear on what you wanted by writing those 50 things down, now you have something to shoot for. That's going to make you happy.

[00:38:41] Yep. And I was able to share it as well, cuz even when I got my bonus, my last bonus, my boss said to me, well, I guess this is gonna pay for your trip to Australia, isn't it? Because he knew I was going, that was on my bucket list.

[00:38:59] That's good. I love it. So tell us where are you now? Because we worked together, I guess it was like three years ago. I can't remember. I think it was three years ago and I tell people whenever you get free. Like, I love the women who are getting free now, and there is three months and I'm like, this is nothing right. Like you should wait to see what happens a year from now. And two years from now, three years from now.

[00:39:25] So what's changed, I would say. And where is the trajectory of where you're going right now in your life?

[00:39:32] Well, I mentioned that I became known as the bucket list conqueror and my previous boss had allowed me to really start my own business again and to start growing it, to be able to help other women.

[00:39:48] So in 2019, I was, as you mentioned, I was a public speaker. And I was traveling in the RV community mostly and teaching women how to kind of step out themselves and how that they could do what they wanted to do and live the life that they wanted to live and, have the same sort of joy and opportunities that I did.

[00:40:13] I had a full year of events planned this year and the last major outing that I did is bucket list item number 22 is I got to go see Oprah live in San Francisco right before COVID.

[00:40:31] Right before.

[00:40:31] Yep. Right before COVID shut us down. And I did get to go on the one trip with my other two girlfriends.

[00:40:38] But COVID, you know, as for most people, I think COVID really threw a major. Just change in life. And we all started working from home. This gentleman that I was talking to talking about as my previous boss decided now that everybody was working from home, he was done doing day to day operations.

[00:41:04] And so he stepped down and as executive assistant to the CEO, that means they bring in somebody new.

[00:41:12] Yeah. They bring in their people.

[00:41:13] Exactly. And so four months into COVID and having a new CEO in July, I was told that my services were no longer needed because he wanted to bring in someone of his own.

[00:41:30] But part of me being in my position and being in the place of power and what I had been able to do. I was able to negotiate an unheard of severance package for myself.

[00:41:43] Yes. Wow. Go ahead. I'm sorry.

[00:41:47] No, it was the largest severance package that my previous employer has ever paid to any individual who's ever left the company.

[00:41:56] Ooh, that's so good. I'm sorry, go ahead, Kelley. I'm put myself on mute.

[00:42:04] And so those people that were trying to stab me in the back, get me to take the worm, all of those things. I don't have any contact with them anymore. So I was able to start figuring out where to go and what to do.

[00:42:20] I will be very honest. It was not. You know, when you get let go from something. And I'd been there for over three and a half years, and I really thought that, that was gonna be the place I was gonna retire from and have all the other bells and whistles that go with it. Like everybody else, I went through a downtime, but part of what they offered was outplacement services, which I've never had in my career ever before.

[00:42:44] And I was given a coach and I worked with a business coach. And she, and I basically reader's digest version came to the conclusion that with COVID and people working from home and my position and my age, unfortunately, or fortunately I'm not an essential worker, so I will not be going back into anybody's office in the near future.

[00:43:09] So I don't need to stay in the San Francisco bay area. So then it was like, well, where do I wanna go? What can I do? I've always wanted to retire in Colorado. So I started looking at opportunities in Colorado. I had free time to learn new skills. So I picked up a contracting position where now I'm an event contract producer, virtually.

[00:43:34] For a company that used to do face to face events, and now it's all online. And so I'm learning new skills when it comes to Zoom and WebEx and MS teams. And so that I can improve my skills and within the last week I thought, you know what? I really am not limited. So what do I really wanna do? Well, my heart is to be with people and to play and to help people enjoy their life. Well, that's what my degree was.

[00:44:04] And that was in recreation. So last Monday I actually accepted a part-time job at one of the top RV resorts in the United States. I'm going to be their new activities director for the winter. So I will be wintering in Arizona if anybody wants to come visit me.

[00:44:22] And I'm going to be.

[00:44:24] This is so good.

[00:44:25] Moving my RV and they're going to pay me for my space rent and all of my utilities including extra internet so that I can continue to do things like this and then figure out what the next steps are. But going back to full joy, but not worrying about the money, not worrying about climbing that ladder because I have my own ladder and it's kind of that old adage that you wanna climb the ladder on this wall, but it's not really that wall. My wall is this wall and I'm going.

[00:45:01] Ooh, that's so good. I can't make this stuff up.

[00:45:04] Like I can't eaither.

[00:45:05] So it's interesting because when you say you got laid off, most people go, ah, I started smiling. I'm like this. Okay, great. So now what's next, right? Because when you're living a life of purpose and in your passion, if something closes for you, that means that there's something different that you're supposed to be doing.

[00:45:28] And so I was with you when you said that you were laid off, cuz you know, I said that I shot that email was like, well maybe God has something different for you. You're supposed to be doing, working. I mean, you know what I'm saying? Like, but that's how I talk and you understand me. I was like, well maybe God has something different for you.

[00:45:42] Maybe you're supposed to go and assist more women. I didn't know, you got that severance package. So now, you're like, oh, get laid off. You be like, no, got the largest Everest package. You'd be like, that's what I'm talking about. That's the Christy coaching mode right there. You'd be like, yeah, yeah.

[00:46:00] I'm gonna need my money though. I mean, it's not about the money Kelley, but I want my money. So what, one more piece of advice we're on this show for an hour, cuz we're gonna talk after we hang up here, but what's one piece of advice that you have for women who want, because this year has been challenging for a lot of people for a lot of ways, but then it's also been great for a lot of people in a lot of ways.

[00:46:29] And so you can get stuck in the perspective of it's the worst year or it's the greatest year, but really it is up to you and, your growth and your development, and really pursuing passion. So if you were miserable in a job now you've shifted to passion. Does that make sense? Or if you loved your job and then there's something different for you.

[00:46:51] So, anyway what advice do you have for women who want to be different, but they just don't know how what's one thing that they can do to be able to shift their life for the best?

[00:47:04] Great question. I would probably say. You don't have to do it all at one time. It's literally it's one day at a time.

[00:47:14] It's one foot in front of the other. And probably the biggest thing that's changed for me in COVID is I have gone back to my routines, my regular routines, and I am emphatic about following them. And it's not, you know, that I have to do X, Y, and Z. It's like, I literally write in my journal that I'm going to keep my routines up for me.

[00:47:43] I'm not doing it for anybody else.

[00:47:45] It's for me. So it's like, I know when I don't do my meditation in the morning that I'm, you know, I'm having a not so great day. And I look back on my schedule and I'm like, I didn't meditate this morning and I'll stop and do it right now. And but it's learning that.

[00:48:04] And I wasn't a meditator before I was like, meditation, are you? No, it's wonderful. But it's just doing it for yourself and giving yourself enough grace to say, you know, it's like, I try to get in 30 minutes of walking every day. Well, yesterday I was running around like a chicken with my head chopped off, trying to get stuff taken care of and done for my mom and some other things.

[00:48:30] And I got home last night and it was getting dark and it was like, you know what? I'm just gonna walk as long as I can possibly walk, but it's okay. I'm not getting my 30 minutes in. I gave myself the grace that that was okay, but today I'm gonna walk more than 30 because that's what I want to do for me.

[00:48:48] Yeah. So really it's about doing stuff that you want to do that keeps you in your happy place. And that's the thing, right? Because what keeps you grounded and centered and happy, which is what we're all chasing. Right. And is free. Walking is free. Meditation is free. You made that stuff a priority because when that doesn't happen, then you become somebody different. So what do you need to do to be able to stay in your happy place?

[00:49:22] Oh yeah. I mean, it's like you talk about, it's like, if I don't do those sorts of things for me, I go, cray cray. Your words, you know, so I get up every morning early and I start off with my coffee and I journal and I meditate and I read, you know, 10 pages every day. And I tell people, you know, they're like, oh, I can't read, I don't have time to read.

[00:49:45] And I'm like, if you could read 10 pages every day in a month, you would've read a book. In a year, you would've read 12 books and I just break it down and it's like, can you read 10 pages a day? And I have not had anybody who I ask that question, say, no, I can't do. It's like, of course I can read 10 pages, you know?

[00:50:03] And so it's just doing those things. It's walking every day, you know, I got the Apple watch, thanks to my previous employer. Cuz I could get it through insurance, you know, and I have the well, see it's time to stand. I'm not gonna get my stand in for today. I got it up upside apple for the shower. So I have to do another hour.

[00:50:21] She kept going too long. She gotta stand up.

[00:50:24] I gotta move. But that helps me because then I know I feel better. And then I bring my best self and that's, what's the most important, because then if I bring my best self it's self fulfilling prophecy, because then I can bring that to everybody else.

[00:50:41] That's good. Well, Kelley, this was awesome. I know that the ladies are going to take this advice and change. I'm proud of you. I'll continue to be having ring size seats with my popcorn said, Ooh, this is good. I mean, every time something pops out, you know, you always have somebody that's going to celebrate and You know, I'm just excited about your journey.

[00:51:02] I'm excited about where you were, what you've done in these three years, but what's for years to come. And so, you know, you talked about it earlier. We don't know when our last day is. And I mean, you know, Kobe it's gone this year, you know, Chad Boman gone it's a lot of people who it's not about being, you know, how old you are, it's how long you have and what you do with the time that you have left.

[00:51:27] So thank you for sharing your insight. Thanks for showing up and thank you for just being an amazing you know, example of it is never too late to live the life that you want. Thank you so much.

[00:51:37] Thank you.

[00:51:38] Thank you for joining us. Be sure to subscribe to this podcast and leave us a review if you love this episode, follow Christy on Instagram and LinkedIn.

[00:51:47] And don't forget to get her free gift by texting, "changenow" all one word. Again, "changenow" to 66866. Until next time go out and win bigger.