Foreign.

Welcome to a Monday More Yourself episode and today I'm really excited to be able to share with you a clip.

I think it's quite a powerful clip from a presentation I did back in the summer for SEED events.

I'm sharing this clip specifically because it's around releasing these expectations and calming our brains, calming our nervous systems and trying to move out of that place of burnout and protecting our personal bandwidth.

And by being more self aware, I think really being able to sit with where we are right now and use this information of how we're feeling and how we're doing to better understand ourselves and the things that energize us and deplete us.

I really wanted to share this clip with you because it's something that I'm.

Resonating with with quite a lot at.

The moment and I know that quite a lot of people within the More Yourself community are But I also know.

That everyone that listens to this podcast.

Will probably benefit as well.

I know that we have amazing conversations on the podcast with incredible guests and I hope that these sort of more solo coaching episodes are also helpful for you as well.

And I also want to remind you that if any of these conversations resonate with you, I really go into detail about this in my book the ADHD Women's Wellbeing Toolkit.

I have these chapters about RSD anxiety, about our hormones and burnout and simplifying our life and leaning into joy and our potential and trusting ourselves.

Because I truly believe that when we can understand and we can validate and have these conversations, that may feel hard.

But also we're able to process it.

And kind of accept that that has.

Been a part of our life and.

Then find ways to through it, ways that feel good for us.

It can be part of our healing.

Process and learning ways to psycho educate.

Ourselves, but also self advocate.

And when we give ourselves this very deep, full compassionate permission to rest and to take up space and just to be and not have to keep pushing and trying and doing more.

So just giving you this moment here to hopefully reflect and process and I would love to hear how this resonates with you.

So here is today's clip.

Us being neurodivergent is not new.

We've been around, we've been here.

It is not has not been recognized.

We've been called different names, called weird.

You're called different, you're called shy, dramatic, awkward, rude, bullied.

You've been bullied.

We've been punished.

We've been told to try harder and do More.

But we've always been here.

We just didn't know what we were.

And that is us, that is what we've been holding in our bodies, in our nervous systems.

And I think it's really important, this validation of understanding what we've been holding for so long.

We're also being bombarded by social media and many of us have an addictive way, perhaps is dopamine seeking and phone can offer, you know, often give us this burnout, this feeling of burnout that we're just constantly on, we can never switch off.

And something that I definitely feel is this inner pressure, this pressure to constantly keep performing and have that meet expectations, but not external expectations, it's internal expectations that we're putting on ourselves and how we can start leaning more into self compassion and recognizing all that we are doing and all that we continue to do.

So something I talk about a lot is understanding your bandwidth, understanding what that looks like to you.

And you know, we always say that you'll never meet the same neurodivergent person.

We're so unique in all that we do.

We may align to neurodivergence, but we don't.

It doesn't never look the same.

And what energizes one person can deplete another.

What enthuses, you know, me might be have no interest to someone else.

And we have to recognize that.

But what we do have in common, many of us, is that we have got a similar brain wiring and a nervous system that has been coded from childhood.

Of the external criticisms, internal criticisms, the ecosystem that we've lived in, that we've been schooled in, our own family dynamic, all of that, if you think about it, from an epigenetic situation, we're all walking around with different coding.

But the common theme is often that we felt exhausted by this and this mental tax that has been.

It's been put on our health and our wellbeing, our stress levels.

It covers and encompasses most parts of our life.

And this is often because we've been overcompensating to fit into environments that haven't been made for us, that we have been trying to fit into.

Because society is telling us that is the right way to live and to work and to wake up and to sleep and to show up and all of that.

And many of us, when we find the fit, I always say it's like finally we find the piece, the jigsaw puzzle.

You know, we put it in the right place.

It's like life can feel more effortless.

It can feel Easier, it can feel calmer, it can feel more grounded.

And we realize that often we're not the problem.

We've never been the problem.

It's the environment that's been the problem.

It's what the expectations that have been put on us are the problem.

And when we start leaning into the self advocacy and the self understanding and the psychoeducation and all of this, that does come with time, doesn't happen overnight.

And, you know, step by step, slowly, we can find a way of living in being that might not be perfect, but will feel a lot more aligned to us than perhaps way before when we hadn't.

We didn't have any of this awareness.

So all of this here, where those triggers, those warning signs were like the jaw clenching or the migraines or the insomnia or this sort of palpitations or anxiety that just keeps showing up or just feeling like, that's it, you've had enough.

This misalignment, this just like, it feels like everything you're doing is just not right.

Listen to your body.

I talk so much about healing somatically, like listening to what your body is saying.

Listen for the language.

And burnout very often shows up in a physical way.

For me, very often it is back pain.

It's feeling tension in my body.

It's feeling my heart racing, it's feeling tension running through my neck and my shoulders.

It's.

It's feeling this urgency that I can't leave my phone behind that I have to constantly be checking.

And I know if that carries on for more than a day, two days, I need something.

I need to.

There needs to be an intervention 100%.

I need to either cancel things, change things, move things, release things, whatever that is.

Because I've realized nothing is more important than my mental and physical health.

I've realized that I've got four kids, I've got a husband, and I'm.

I'm running this business.

But I am the person that has to be grounded.

I have to be the regulator in all of this.

I want to be the person that for my kids, I'm the anchor.

Because in my family, I don't want dysfunction.

So we want to know how we can break these cycles.

We want to know, okay, do I want to live like this now?

Do I want to live like this?

Or do I want to find ways and tools and strategies that can help me and be able to make this sustainable?

For sure.

So I'm going to go through now different things which I notice contribute to burnout and Again, finding that way for you to.

It's all curiosity.

I think that's what I want to say.

It's all curiosity.

When does that show up?

How does it show up?

What does it feel like in my body?

And I want you to almost have that check in when I'm going to go through the next few slides.

So this is all about boundaries.

This is all about learning what energizes and depletes you, what expands you and what constricts you.

And I'm going to say that energizing is the people, the activities, the hobbies, the way you work.

And then feel that in your body and then feel the depletion of what.

What depletes you?

Who depletes you?

What conditions, what environments deplete you and what.

And who are the people that are doing this and what are you saying yes to when you should be saying no?

Who are you doing that with?

When are you doing that with?

When you're not honoring what you really, really want?

When are you putting such high value on all this external stuff, such as your work, your productivity or your house looks like what you look like all of the external stuff.

Where are you over prioritizing that?

And where are you?

What are you needing internally for you?

And this will be different for everybody.

But I just think this kind of gets the juices flowing.

A little bit of questioning, self inquiry.

And if we just ask ourselves this question, that is your.

It's almost like bringing you back out of this hyper productivity, external validation, restlessness, motor dopamine, adrenaline, cortisol.

And it's like, right, where can I go into that place where there's more calm and regulation?

My nervous system is being soothed.

That is what we want to start leaning into.

And it's about being intentional with our choices.

How do you want to feel?

Sometimes we don't even know how we want to feel.

You know, we talk about goals and we talk about, you know, plans.

Well, actually, how do you want to feel?

How do you want to feel?

Do you want to feel calm?

Do you want to feel expansive?

Do you want to feel value?

Do you want to feel love?

Do you want to feel connected?

These are the questions.

Because all the other stuff comes with it.

We don't need to know the outcomes and the hows and all of that.

If we focus on the feeling, then the other stuff just kind of comes with it.

And what are you ready to let go of?

Because we have to let go of things to make space for all of this.

We can't Keep cramming more and more in.

If you think about, you know, a bag, we have to take things out the bag so we can make space for other things.

So you have to remove the things that are not.

No, no longer working, the things that you're ready to let go of that haven't worked for you historically and start replacing the things that you're ready to feel now.

And this might be a new chapter for you with a diagnosis, with an understanding.

What do you want to model to other people, you know, loved ones?

And what generational cycles are you ready to break?

And how are you able to reframe those old beliefs and start prioritizing more authentic needs Again?

This, this purging perfectionism from a person who relates to perfectionism a lot.

And I still see it and it's still there.

And I see it and I thank it because it helps me with lots of things, but I also see it and see how it can bring me down and lead me to burnout.

And I see it and I say, thank you for being there.

But it's not needed.

This was a coping mechanism, it was a tool that maybe I did need because I didn't understand my ADHD and I didn't understand this propensity to miss things, to not see things, to not process things in the way I was meant to, all these different things.

So I had to use perfectionism.

I understand now my brain, I understand my brain wiring.

I understand some of my challenges, and it's okay.

Things don't need to be perfect anymore.

I can trust myself.

And this is a lot of self healing and a lot of self work the same way.

I see my rsd, it's still there, but the sting of all of this is gone.

Because I understand now and many of us need to have this moment of clarity to see it and say, it's okay.

My RSD is always going to be there, but I can see it for what it is.

And we need to bring in these micro moments.

Okay, so it's micro breaks, micro, micro sustainable moments of self care that you can do every single day.

And I say this because everybody is able to do five, 10 minutes, every few hours of something, whether it's breathing, literally just doing some breathing, reset, you know, in for five, out for seven, literally, that whether it's just recognizing that you need to have a moment on your own before you walk into the house, whether it's looking at your diary and saying, right, how can I create more buffers in my diary?

How can I have more breaks between meetings.

How can I bring more creativity into my day, into my life, into my week, whatever that might be.

We know from a evidence base that creativity helps reduce anxiety and depression.

We know that if we can release this creativity into something that it helps reduce the impact of anxiety and depression on our nervous system.

So whether that is just being messy, it's just dancing, it's moving our bodies, whatever that looks like, without any pressure of an outcome that has to make us money or it has to be perfect or anything like that, eating a meal that just feels really good and wholesome without scrolling on our phone, doing something that can help release stress from our body.

Just a neck roll or a twist or.

Or just some tapping I do, I do a lot of tapping in my community, which is eft.

I haven't got time.

I wish I could show you a whole thing today on tapping but I have lots of workshops on my website if you are interested in tapping.

And I use tapping a lot for self regulation, for calm.

A couple of minutes of breathwork and tapping can be incredible at releasing cortisol, reducing the cortisol in our body.

This is all about the self regulation in the moment.

I have a whole workshop on this on learning how to use EFT and tapping and breathing to calm yourself in the moment.

And you're telling the amygdala that it's okay to relax that part in your brain that is actively looking in the fight or flight, looking for danger.

And we can just say to that even though I'm feeling overwhelmed or exhausted and burnt out right now, I'm going to choose, send myself some love.

I choose to feel calm.

I choose to meet myself where I am.

Your body wants to hear this language.

Your body wants to know that it's okay.

That even though you're feeling the way you are, it's okay.

It's okay.

We're accepting, we're sending love with self.

We're sending self compassion.

And we can start learning to ask for help again.

We won't want that, won't feel right to us.

Our nervous system won't like that.

Asking for help.

It might feel like we're failing.

It might feel like we are not good enough.

But asking and learning to receive help, there's one thing asking for help is another thing.

Receiving it, knowing receiving it in our body and knowing that with our executive functioning we do need to delegate or we might find even hard to delegate.

But outsourcing what we find difficult that what we find challenging, outsourcing that so we can utilize what we we flow in, we can just flow in all the strengths that we have and then all the stuff that weighs really heavily on us, that takes a lot of our bandwidth or time on our energy, we outsource that and communicate with the people that you trust, that through really finding those people that you know, you can have that conversation with and say, you know what, I do need a little bit of help here because when we learn to receive help, we give it in such a different way as well.

And it's a really, really powerful thing.

And finally, using affirmations.

Now I want to go back to what I just said before is that self acceptance is key.

We can't diminish what we're going through.

And I'm not saying using affirmations to cover up what you're feeling, but we can say, even though I'm feeling really overwhelmed right now, it's safe in this moment to rest and relax.

It's safe for me to receive help.

Even though I feel like I've got so much to do.

I give myself permission to rest and recharge.

Even though I want to micromanage everything.

I am learning to release control and surrender more.

Even though I care so much about my business, what people think of me, I'm not.

I am defined beyond my career and life and live life according to my truth and values is a recognition of all that we're going through, but knowing that there is a way forward, you know, for me, one of them is whatever I've done today is enough because we'll never get through that to do list.

I am enough right now.

These are really, really powerful because your body needs to hear, your nervous system needs to hear this.

And we can give ourselves this opportunity.

And you can say yourself, write down, this is a really good journaling exercise.

I give myself permission for more.

And this is up to you.

Whatever comes from this.

What are you crying out for?

What's your body crying out for?

What are you spiritually desperate for?

And remind yourself, it's okay, it's safe.

I'm worthy.

I'm worthy of safety and connection.

I deserve rest and relaxation.

I give myself permission for more laughter and creativity and play.

I am worthy of feeling fulfilled and purposeful.

If this episode has been helpful for you and you're looking for more tools and more guidance, my brand new book, the ADHD Women's Wellbeing Toolkit is out now.

You can find it wherever you buy your books from.

You can also check out the audiobook if you do prefer to listen to me.

I have narrated it all myself.

Thank you so much for being here here, and I will see you for the next episode.