00:00:06 Archita: There is a story many people carry quietly. The story of becoming a parent while still healing from your own past. For some, motherhood begins with joy. But for others, it begins with questions, with guilt, with fear, with the weight of things that happen long before a child ever arrived. But what happens when motherhood becomes the very place where healing begins? Today we are talking about motherhood after trauma, incarceration, and the long road back to self worth.

00:00:42 Archita: Welcome to Healing Horizons, a space where we explore the human capacity to heal, rebuild and grow even after life's most difficult chapters. I'm your host, and today I'm joined by Kelly White, a published author, motivational speaker, entrepreneur, and advocate for healing and second chances. After spending more than a decade incarcerated, beginning at a young age, Kelly built rebuilt her life through faith, discipline, and deep self-reflection. And today, she helps others reclaim their voice, identity, and purpose. In this conversation, we are exploring motherhood after trauma and incarceration, what it means to parent while still healing, how identity shifts after survival, and how restoration can become a powerful legacy for the next generation. Kelly, I am really honored to have you here.

00:01:44 Kalise White: Thank you for having me. I'm really honored that you're having me. So thank you very much.

00:01:51 Archita: Yeah. And, uh, to be honest, mother, whose motherhood is quite a journey, right? And I'm sure a lot of our listeners today, um, you know, are already mothers or maybe about to become mothers. So I really hope that this conversation today helps them, uh, answer all of their questions that they might have. So yeah, without wasting any time, let's dive in. Um, before we talk about motherhood itself, um, I'm curious about the moment your life began shifting toward healing and rebuilding. So was there a specific moment where you realized my story isn't over and there is still purpose ahead of me?

00:02:38 Kalise White: So yeah, that's like, um, it just really hits home every time I talk about it, which is very, very good and healing for me. But yes, what healing looks like for me. After everything, after motherhood and just, um, just dealing with everything and just basically I'm, you know, reconnecting with society in life, but what healing looks like for me as it begins every morning, um, you know, instead of me grabbing my phone, I start my day off with gratitude. I thank God for my life, my health, my mind, my stability, and everything that practice grounds for me emotionally and mentally. It reminds me that God is involved in my day before anything else enters my day, enters my mind, and spiritually I read scriptures, I listen affirmations, or I watch faith, faith based teaching programs, you know, on my phone or tablet or laptop, and it gives me strength before I face the world. Healing isn't about feeling perfect. It's about choosing to push through. Even on hard days. I strive to be a better person than I was yesterday, last year, a year ago. Ten years ago. And when people see me in my transformation, I want them to believe that if I can change, so can they. So that's that's what it that's what it is for me.

00:04:12 Archita: That is, that is really beautiful. But also, I, I, I think that it might not have been very easy to navigate that journey by yourself, but I'm really glad that you did and you reached where you are today. And that's really commendable. And, uh, moving on, one thing many people outside the experience don't fully understand is the emotional journey after incarceration. Sometimes society assumes that once someone is released, the chapter is closed and life just continues. But from your perspective, what do people often misunderstand about the healing process after incarceration?

00:04:56 Kalise White: What people normally don't understand, and mainly your children, you know, that goes back into because that's the most important that that's who means like the most to you is your children. So they don't understand that, you know, when you're at different places in your life, like how they're young right now, you know, how you make bad choices and bad decisions when you're being young. You don't think so? You know, for my my oldest son, that has been a struggle and he holds on to a lot of pain. Um, and from that, from me not being able to raise him and be at his basketball games with him and stuff like that. And then for other people, People will look at you and they look at you for the old you first. So I have to do a lot of reminding people. You know, that's the old me. That's not who I am today. My life is not the same, you know. And then they be like, oh yeah, you are different. So I have to do a lot of reminding. People, don't look at me for mistakes that I made when I was a teenager, because when I first got in trouble, I was still a teenager. So don't look at me and think that because I'm so far from that now. So I just that's what I have to do, mainly to everyone, like I said. And, and mainly like with motherhood, you know, I'm constantly having to remind him that I made a mistake when I was young. So I always tell him, you know, be the best that you can be. Don't do what I did. Don't make the same mistakes. Be better than me, because you can make those same mistakes and you'll be like me still to certain degrees, paying for it. Because when people see you, that's the first thing they see. And then they'd be like, oh, well, she has changed. You don't want that. You just want to do it first. You want to do it the right way the first time.

00:06:53 Archita: Yeah. But also people don't remain the same for the rest of their lives and in different circumstances changes people. And that happened to you as well. But that's powerful because what what you're describing is that freedom isn't just physical, it's emotional, it's psychological and deeply personal. And, uh, that brings me to the question that when you became a mother, uh, did that misunderstanding from society make the journey more complicated?

00:07:27 Kalise White: Oh my goodness, yes, it did, because it made me feel more pain. You know, just thinking about having to separate from my kid, you know, me not being able to raise him. And every day that went by, even though I loved him, I feel him warm in my heart. I felt pain at the same time. And it's still it's still now a touchy subject. I've been home this April, April first of this year, April Fool's Day of this year I've been home eleven years. And even though this is going into eleven years later, it's still something that doesn't happen overnight. As you can see, not over a few years. Me and my son is better now. We're getting we're getting better, but we're not all where I would like and love us to be because of that. So. Yeah, that's, that's that's a pretty touchy subject. Yeah. It's taking my son a little longer to really just understand. So yeah, it's, it's getting better. I'm grateful and thankful for that. So yes.

00:08:41 Archita: I'm really glad to hear that. Yeah, I'm really glad to hear that. But it's also understandable because it sounds like motherhood can bring both vulnerability and strength at the same time, almost like two realities existing together. I think that's, that's really, that's the beauty of it, really. And now let's, let's stay with that for a moment. Um, trauma, especially when it begins early in life, can shape how we see ourselves and what we believe we deserve. Uh, so how did your earlier experiences influence your sense of identity when you first stepped back into the world after incarceration?

00:09:29 Kalise White: It was a lot of shame, you know? Um. It was a lot of different emotions that I really didn't deal with it first. So like when I did when I started my incarceration and doing my incarceration, I was like numb. So that part made me have to deal with shame. You know, making a mistake at a young age. You know, I'm feeling like even though I, I feel like I paid for it, I paid the price for it. I'm still paying for it. So just a lot of shame and forgiveness with myself and about not making the right decisions. People, places and things. So that's that's a lot. Yeah.

00:10:21 Archita: Yeah, that that makes sense because, um, that kind of identity rebuilding takes courage. It's, it's not just about changing circumstances. It's about changing the way you see yourself. So yeah. And when motherhood entered your life. Did it challenge those old beliefs or did it help you start rewriting them both?

00:10:49 Kalise White: So it helped me challenge old beliefs because I had to change my mind. Everything you do is a mindset. You have to change your mindset. If you don't change your mindset, you're not going to be doing anything. You're going to stay stuck in old habits. So in order for me to start the process of changing my mindset from old habits to do new things and be better in doing those new things, I had to change my mindset. So mindset is everything. And it's, it's like a formula formula, you know, you heard you have to heal, you have the shame, you have the embarrassment from not making the right choices. You know, mentally, you gotta change your mind. It's a whole whole, it's a whole formula that has to work all together the best. You know, whether you do it through reading or writing, like I found mine, doing it through journaling, reading, writing, you know, speaking. So it's, it's definitely a mindset.

00:11:58 Archita: Yes. Yes, it definitely is. And that rewriting of identity and mindset is something so many people struggle with even outside of the justice system. So that's, that's kind of relatable. And, um, motherhood often brings immense love, but it can also surface unresolved emotions. So I'm curious, uh, what tends to happen emotionally when someone is parenting while still carrying their own unhealed experiences?

00:12:34 Kalise White: So I would say. A. It's like I'm trying to put it this way. When you're unhealed and you're trying to nurture and grow and teach, that's that's really, really complicated because it's kind of like, you kind of like just really, really freestyling. I mean, we all want, you know, when we begin motherhood, we freestyling. We don't know a lot, you know, we learning along the way. But when you have like a lot of trauma that's been on top of that, that makes it harder, you know, because. You don't, you, you definitely you don't know how to be a parent because you're not present all the time. You're constantly flooding your mind with things to do, places to go, ripping and running because you don't know how to parent and you trying to drown certain stuff out. So you by being in the street, doing no business, doing.

00:13:40 Archita: Yeah, that that honesty is so important because parenting doesn't require perfection, but it does require awareness and, and care. A lot of care both to yourself and your children. So, um, where were there moments where you caught yourself repeating patterns from your past and had to consciously choose a different path?

00:14:08 Kalise White: Well, again, you have to, in order to choose any path and do anything, you have to change your mindset, your mindset. You have to find something to focus on that's positive. So it's like you're recreating yourself. So you have to put, you have to put recreate yourself in your mind. And once you do that, you start once you get it in your mind. and it's a mindset. Then you start, you know, when you do something, you know when you do it for two days, it becomes a pattern. So you just have to practice on the continuous positivity and being better and doing the best and being the best that you can be. That's what you do and that will help you. That will definitely help you get get to where you need to be with that.

00:15:04 Archita: That is so true. And those moments of awareness can be incredibly transformative, not just for the parent, but for the entire family. Uh, so for someone listening right now who might be navigating trauma, incarceration, or a broken past while trying to raise children, the road can feel overwhelming. So from your experience, what were some of the practices or mindsets that helped you rebuild your life step by step.

00:15:39 Kalise White: So how was that for me? You know, I'm a two time, three time, two author. I have like, what I did was I took all of my, I guess basically my pain, my trauma. You know, I notated, I wrote notes over the years. I wrote pages. You know, I just, I spoke through my journaling. That's how I started off and my journal became books. You know, so I have like my first book is called you, me, Bless Me. And that book, it kind of like it's back years ago, like, you know, when I kind of like when I first got out of prison and, you know, things and relationships that happened when I first got out, you know, and as far as me having a different, different mindset, changing with that mindset. And then my second book, it's called No Longer Silence, and that's the sequel to You Left Me. God bless me. And no longer is basically is my voice like me finding my voice. So I would say you left me. God bless me, is more for transformation. Like trans. Um, you know, um, transformation is what I should say. No longer silence is more my voice, my voice and all that transformation and all of the work, you know, of my mindset and everything I did. That's how I came up with the no longer silence from finding my voice and, you know, not being apologetic, you know, telling my truth because this is my truth. So by me creating those books, becoming an author and you know, I have a, I have a, a speaking, I'm a speaker too. I'm a motivational speaker. And by me having that speaker platform, you know, I go around and ask people all over the world for different issues about my books or, you know, I even offer services on my website. It's called Help Heal Nations and with my help, Heal Nations, you can get on there. I have a different like with me, if you're going through something, empathy, whatever, you know, trauma and pain. So I advocate through my books and through my, through my community, my foundation, my platform. So that's what I do. And it helps me. Not only does it just help me, it helps. That it helps more in the end, because I feel like I'm helping myself and I'm helping people out in the world. I'm, I'm pleased with that, and I'm happy where I'm going and where I've been in the direction that I'm aligned to exactly where I'm going. So yes.

00:18:26 Archita: I'm really glad to hear that. And thank you for sharing that and being so vulnerable and honest at the same time. And what I hear in that is the power of small, intentional choices like honesty, accountability, and self reflection. And that sense of grounding can become a lifeline during uncertain seasons. So yes, thank you once again for sharing all of the wisdom today that you did. And I am sure that it has been a lot helpful for all the listeners, especially us. So on that note, for someone listening today who feels defined by their past, maybe by mistakes, trauma, or a chapter they wish they could erase from their lives, what would you want them to remember about their ability to rebuild and start again?

00:19:23 Kalise White: I would want. I would hope that they walk Away with. That they have faith tools to change, like change their mindset as well. Um, I would want them to start their days differently and feed their spirit instead of negativity. And actually healing is a lifestyle. So transformation is definitely a mindset. So, you know. It changed me. And I can say that like every day, and I am this new person with a new mindset and I did feel good. I'm anxious to get up. So when my flights, most of the time my clock go off, I'm up and I'm like, ready, like ready to face the world. And because I have so much positivity, positivity in me and, you know, the eagerness to help everything. What? You feed yourself, feed your mind, feed your spirit. You know, and I always, you know, say, like, if my story inspired even just one, one person, it's time for me to change. If one person can say it's time for me to change, then I feel like I've done my job. So.

00:20:52 Archita: That's, that's really, really helpful. And if there's one thing this conversation reminds us all, it's this your past may shape your story, but it does not have the final word in who you become, because that is completely up to you and your present. So for listeners who resonate with your message and want to follow your work or connect with you, where can they find you?

00:21:20 Kalise White: My website is help heal nations dot com and that's nations with an S on the end. Com so again that's help heal nations dot com. My books are on there. The first book is You Left Me. God bless me. And my second book is no longer silenced. That is the sequel to the first book. They both are on Amazon and Barnes and Noble as well. But if you get on my website, it's a it's you click on the area and it takes you directly to the books. But if you don't get on my website, again, they're on Amazon and they're on Barnes and Noble's. I also on my website, I created a journal and a bookmark. So if you really dive in deep with me and you're really trying to get in deep with me, because after each chapter of my book, I pull the reader in with me. My books are not just regular books, they're self-help books. So after each chapter, wherever I'm at in my life, I pull the reader in after each chapter. And I asked them where was they at at that time in their life? How was they thinking? What would they do? I give them affirmations, words of encouragement, closure. I give them a Bible. Scripture. I'm pulling you all the way in deep. So if you if you want to purchase the journal and the bookmark to dive in deeper, that'll be that'll be extra, extra amazing because I've been getting so much input from like all over the world because people are like, oh my God, I learned so much. And, and I remembered and it took me back there. And you know, now I know how to deal with this. And I never really dug deep like that. So I'm just happy for the change and the transformation and me helping people find their voice and helping them pull out what they needed to pull out to keep going. So.

00:23:10 Archita: Amazing. And yeah, amazing. We'll make sure all of those details are available in our show notes so that our listeners don't miss a thing and they can connect with you whenever they want. So yeah, Thank you for sharing your story with such honesty and courage. Conversations like this remind us that healing is not linear, but it is possible. And to everyone listening, if today's episode resonated with you, take a moment to reflect on your own journey. Sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is simply allow ourselves the grace to grow. This has been healing horizon, Simon, and I'll see you in the next conversation.