J. Rosemarie Francis (00:01)

So the other day I started a new podcast called Abandoned Daughters of Caribbean Moms. There's a long sordid story there and it explains one dimension of my life. Like many people, my life has so many dimension. I've been lived and traveled to several countries. I have a lot to talk about. And in this episode, I want to do more solo episode like I said originally.

But in this episode, I want to talk about our goals as solo moms. Because as we get older and the children get older, our goals change, our experiences change, obviously, and our wants and wishes either resurface or they become, you know, we get new wants, wishes, desires, goals. So it's October.

And I thought it would be a good idea to talk about one of my favorite topics, goal setting. So what is it that you thought you would achieve this year, 2024, but you didn't? And what is it you are thinking that you would like to achieve? And you've been thinking about this for a while now, once the children get older or...

move out or on their own? And then thirdly, what are you doing right this now, right this minute to achieve those goals or that goal? So I wanted to talk about those three things. So one is, what is your desire? What do you want to do? If you weren't raising children, what would you be doing? I asked that in my intro song.

because there are so many things, we are born with an innate desire for more. We're not designed to just live in a stagnant state. And that's why we are sometimes stressed because our reality conflicts with our dreams and desires. So I don't wanna talk too much about abstract, but I want to talk about

practical ways we can deal with, talk about, discuss and start working on our goals and dreams even as we're still trying to figure out how to raise our children. This works whether your children are young or whether they're older.

The first thing to think about is I like to talk about self awareness. And I talk about it in my third episode of Abandoned Daughters of Caribbean Mom. Because unless you know who you are, it's kind of hard to figure out what you want, right? And as mothers, we tend to wrap ourselves up in our children's lives, especially when there isn't a partner to, you know, to continuously have, you know,

have that ongoing relationship with. So children become tagger it. So one thing I would ask you as mom to do is to try to spend some time reflecting on who you are as a person, not just mom, not just sister, not just daughter, but as whatever your name is, put a blank. And I would do it.

I would do an exercise, a practical exercise. If your journal, use a page in your journal says, I am, for me, J. Rose Marie, I love to, I enjoy blank, and I would start there and see what your mind conjures up. See what your mind dig up because it's all there.

And then the second thing is what to do. So that is something actually you can do right now, wherever you are in life, in a solo mom journey, that is something you could do. And I'm telling you, even if you're stressed out, even if you're dealing with major, major things in your life, major crisis, this is something you could stop and do.

Any situation you're in, you can journal, you can write on a piece of paper. Just write those three things because in the middle of the chaos, this one little exercise can bring clarity. So I am your name. I love to, whatever that is. I want to, whatever that is. And

You could use the current situation as the I want to, maybe you're facing a financial crisis and your desire is to get out of that specific financial crisis. Name the crisis and name the solution. Please don't be general because when it's general, you don't really know what you want. don't say I wanna get out of debt. Say,

I wanna pay off my back rent. Or I wanna pay off this credit card that's bleeding me dry. Or I want to save $500 by December 31st. Do specific, write specific, think in specifics.

They say when you're creating goals, you should be specific. They also said you should be realistic. I am a little bit on the fence about realistic because if it's easy to achieve, then there's no real excitement about achieving that goal. But it's good to start in baby steps, especially if you're not used to setting goals.

And the third thing is that what is it, what is any practical thing you can do right now to achieve one or more of those goals? So that is my thought for today. Focus on what you want. Focus first on who you are as a person, then what is it you want out of life? What do you enjoy?

and set one goal. I'm not gonna say set some goals, set one goal. And if you're in a crisis now, I'm especially speaking to you because I found that when I was in a crisis, the children were having something was going on with them. It was a money thing or they were being bullied and I couldn't find anyone to help.

or I was being bullied at work and I couldn't, my mind couldn't focus on trying to find a solution to that because I was scared of losing my job because my mind couldn't draw up all the things that could happen if I lost my job. So if you're in the middle of a crisis, this is the perfect time to stop, deep breathe.

pull out a piece of paper and pen and write, I am your name. I love too, or I want too, or I enjoy. I really would like to, whatever the solution is to your problem. Because there's just so much going on in the world and it's the little things that's going to help you.

I had an experience yesterday where I was chased by a dog in my yard and my mind blew up because I was ready to pack my bag and move. And someone talked me down. My son brought someone to me to talk me down. And it gave me some perspective because sometime when you're in the middle of crisis, it's hard to think.

and all the thoughts you're thinking just blow your crisis out of proportion. So I hope this helps you. I hope this helps you to kind of focus and think more strategically when crisis happens. Because as a solo mom, I was very naive maybe, I don't know, but I felt helpless.

I felt like I couldn't control my situation. Like I lost control and I couldn't control the situation I was in. Now there are a lot of solutions to those problems and one little exercise isn't gonna do it, but I want you to try that today and see what happens. And let me know, let me know what happens. I'd love to hear your feedback. I'm J. Rose Marie and I really appreciate you listening to.

Solar Moms talk. We are coming up on 200 episodes and it's all because of you. I want to interview you if you're a Solar Mom and you want to talk about your life. It might help someone else, it might help you. And so I want to go back to hearing the stories of actual Solar Moms who are living the Solar Mom life. There's nothing to be embarrassed about if you're a single mom.

If you're a divorce mom, if your husband died and leave you with the children, there's nothing to be embarrassed about your situation because it takes courage to stay. Some men just run off and leave their children. Women too. It takes courage to stay. And so you are the real hero in this story. And I would love to hear you tell your story on Solomons Talk. Thank you.