If you want certainty in achieving, set objectives,

not fantasies. If you have fantasies, you're going to have a phobia.

Every fantasy will have a nightmare. Every philia will have a phobia.

And today I'd like to talk about the primary,

the seven primary fears that hold people back,

or at least people assume are holding them back and how to overcome them,

how to transform the fears into opportunities.

So if you have something write with and write on, that would be fantastic.

But in order to start on this topic I

want to shatter a lot of the myth that goes around the idea of fear first.

So I wanted to put it into context.

I want you to imagine a magnet.

So we have a little magnet here. I'm using a pen as a magnet.

The ballpoint portion of it, I'm going to call it positive pole of the magnet.

And down here at the back end where you attach it to your shirt or whatever is

the negative pole. Positive pole, negative pole. Now,

most people think I want the positive pole.

I want to avoid the negative pole in life. They want a positive,

they want to avoid a negative. That's what most people,

I call that mass conscious awareness,

is trying to avoid challenge and seek support,

avoid pain, seek pleasure, pairs of opposites.

We sometimes call that philia and phobia.

Philia and phobia. We seek philia, we try to avoid phobia.

This is the description that we could give it from the area of our brain,

the subcortical area of our brain called the amygdala.

This amygdala wants to seek prey, food, and avoid predator, being eaten.

It wants saturation. It doesn't want to have extinction, <laugh> death.

So this is life and death, supporting life, bringing death.

So we automatically have in our amygdala, which is our survival center,

a perception of pleasure and pain, positive, negative, happy and sad,

elation, depression, whatever you want to call the polarities. Now,

what's interesting is,

we've all met somebody that we got a little infatuated with, probably.

Most of us. And when we do, we're philic towards them.

But the moment we're philic towards them, the greater the philia,

the more the phobia, the loss of them.

And the more the phobia, the more we resent somebody,

the more the philia it is to get away from them.

So you can't separate these two, it's like two poles of a magnet.

You can't separate them. The more philic you are about somebody,

the more you have phobia of losing them.

And the more phobic you are about somebody,

the more you have philia of losing them.

You can't separate the pairs of opposites. They're inseparable.

Now what's interesting is, as we're setting a goal in life,

and this is real important to get,

because a lot of misinformation has been talked about in fears,

if we set a goal that has both sides,

positive and negative, instead of just positive,

we don't have to have that phobia, the fear of loss of it.

So in other words, if we set a goal that's a fantasy, and by the way,

we can create, this positive poll could be called a fantasy,

and this poll could be a nightmare.

So this philia or fantasy, if we set a goal, a

fantasy of positive without negative,

we're going to have the anxiety and phobia and fear surface in our mind,

intuitively, to let us know that we're not actually pursuing an objective.

In philosophy, the word objective or objectivity means neutral,

both sided. A fantasy is one sided,

a positive without a negative. An objective includes a

So if you're pursuing a positive without a negative,

you're going to have an anxiety and a phobia surface in your mind to try

to intuitively point out the downsides that you're overlooking.

But if you're pursuing an objective where you're embracing the positives and

negatives equally, and you're mitigating the risks of one,

and you're calming down the reward of the other,

because now you're grounded in the reality that you're going to have both in the

pursuit, now you calm down the phobia,

and you calm down the philia, and you put them and integrate them.

Let me give you another example that's really easy to relate to.

If you're dating somebody, when you first date them, if you're infatuated,

you have assumptions that there's going to be more positives than negatives,

and you're philic, you have a fantasy about them. But days, weeks, months,

or years into the relationship,

you start finding out that they have things you like and dislike.

Advantages and disadvantages, positives and negatives,

supportive and challenging, kind and cruel.

All pairs of opposites start to come into balance.

When you actually have them come to balance and you still love them,

you now have love.

Love is a synthesis and synchronicity of these complimentary opposites,

these pairs of opposites.

So if you think you're going to get a positive without a negative in a

relationship, well over time you eventually discovered, oops,

there's a new set of challenges I didn't anticipate with that one.

So instead of having a fatal attraction,

then being broadsided by pursuing a fantasy and then finding out it's a

nightmare, like Michael Douglas did in that famous movie, Fatal Attraction.

If you understand that that relationship's going to give you both sides and

you're prepared for both sides, you have a realistic expectation.

If I was to come up to you and I was to say to you, you're always positive,

you're never negative, you're always kind, you're never cruel,

you're always nice, you're never mean, you're always giving,

you're never taking, you're always generous, never

never inconsiderate, always peaceful, never wrathful, your own intuition,

your own BS meter inside would automatically go, no, that's not true,

I've got times.

And you'd be immediately thinking of some of the downsides and challenges and

negatives that you think of in your life that you play.

If I was to come to you and I said, well you're always negative,

you're never positive, you're always, you know, stingy, never generous,

always taking, never giving, always wrathfule, never peaceful,

always inconsiderate, never considerate, always mean, never nice. Also,

your intuition would pop in and go, no, no, I'm nice and I'm kind too.

I play that side. But if I said to you, sometimes you're nice,

sometimes you're mean. Sometimes you're kind, sometimes you're cruel.

Sometimes you're positive and negative. You would immediately go, Yep,

that's true. You'd have certainty about that.

If you want certainty in achieving, set objectives,

not fantasies. If you have fantasies, you're going to have a phobia.

Every fantasy will have a nightmare. Every philia will have a phobia.

That's why embracing both and having realistic expectation for both sets

you free to achieve. And with foresight,

you can mitigate the downsides, the challenging part,

and anticipate what it is and prepare for it. If you're going to Mars,

like Elon Musk is attempting to do,

you don't have a system where you have everybody just thinking only positive.

You have skeptics automatically, not gullibles,

but skeptics automatically coming in and what would happen if this happened?

How do we solve it? How do we prevent this?

You need a healthy skepticism in there to be able to prepare to go to Mars.

You're not going to get to Mars if you think only one side and don't ever think

about what could go, you know, on the other side, the wrong side, if you will.

If you only think of what can go right and never think of what can go wrong,

you never have reparation and you don't have a real objective,

you have a fantasy. And that's the cause of the phobia.

The phobia is the fear of loss of this and the fear of of gain of that.

The fear of loss of that which you seek and the fear of gain of that which you

try to avoid is the source of human suffering.

That's what the Buddha was trying to say. Now,

there are seven fears that occur in life,

because there's seven fantasies that people have in life. So let's,

instead of seven objectives in life.

The first one is the fear of loss or fear of not having intelligence,

fear of not being smart enough, intelligent enough, degreed enough.

The fear of loss of knowledge and memory.

And people are afraid to take action because they're afraid they don't know

enough to take the action and they hesitate, procrastinate, frustrate.

So if you have a fantasy you're supposed to know everything and you're not

prepared,

and you go after something and then all of a sudden your phobic side surfaces

and it now says, well,

I have a fear of losing my knowledge and not knowing enough in the time I need

it, you'll hesitate on taking action, because, now let me say this,

the fear is not your enemy.

The fear is a friend to let you know that you're pursuing a fantasy and you're

extending beyond your base of knowledge. And as a result of it,

you're not setting a real objective with real knowledge.

You're setting up a fantasy and all of a sudden you have the anxiety and the

fear of not knowing enough. You're going beyond what you know.

But the same thing can occur in business. The fear of loss of business,

the fear of failure, the fear of loss of clients.

Because you have a fantasy of the gain.

The more fantasy you have about the gain,

the more positives you see about it and the less you are having an objective in

business. You see, if you're living in a fantasy about getting clients,

you're probably going to project your assumptions on what the clients need

instead of actually finding out what they actually need.

You need to think about what are the obstacles. You know,

your clients are asking, what's in it for me to be doing business with you?

If you're not anticipating what that is and meeting their needs,

of course they're going to go away and you're going to have their loss.

So that phobia of the loss of clients in business is letting you

know that you need a balance between your fantasy and what's needed by the

client to have sustainable fair exchange. So the phobia,

the second we set a real objective, the phobia goes away.

Because we've now dissolved the philia, the fantasy, we've got it balanced.

The same thing that come in finance,

we can have the fear of loss of money or the fear of not making money. Again,

the fear of not making it, the fear of loss of it.

But that fear of loss of it is because we haven't put a due diligence plan and

we're gambling with probabilities instead of actually understanding

when we invest, we put it in something that has a high probability,

that has a mean, an average, an intrinsic value. When we add,

when we put money into investments,

and the same thing when we put it into our business,

we want to make sure that we have a probability and not a fantasy about what

we're pursuing.

If we have a fantasy we're going to take off and be the next Amazon without

actually the due diligence and the strategies and the tactics and the actual

meeting of needs,

then that's a fantasy and we're going to have a letdown and we're going to have

a fear in our pursuit of it.

We can also have a fear about relationship. If we're

we're going to have a major fear about losing them.

We're going to have jealousy, green-eyed jealousy coming up,

and we're going to envy people who take our relationship away,

but we're also going to be resentful to them because they've offered something

we didn't offer.

So we need to know what the values of the individual are and make sure we're

meeting those values and considering them, and not holding onto a fantasy.

If we're holding onto a fantasy of who they are,

we'll play underdog and then they don't feel that they have a match and they're

going to keep their options open until they find a match and then we're going to

have the fear of loss of them.

But that's because we're infatuated with them instead of loving them and

embracing both sides of them. People want to be loved for both sides,

not just one side. And then we have a social fear, the fear of rejection,

because the second we put people on a pedestal and we give power to them and

their opinion, we fear the loss of their opinion.

We feel the rejection from them.

When we resent somebody and we look down on them, if they cuss us out,

we don't think anything about it, we just go, idiot.

But if we have somebody that we admire and they basically reject us, it hurts.

It only hurts when we put a value on them more than us,

and we have a fantasy of who they are.

We don't have a balanced objective about who they are.

So the fear of rejection is letting us know that we have a fantasy about people

and who they are and their opinion is counting.

And we basically don't have a strategy to fulfill what we're setting out to do

and we're trying to put on a facade. And both of those are inauthentic.

And so we create phobias to give us feedback to let us know when we're not

authentic and we're not seeing them authentically,

we're exaggerating them or putting on a facade for us.

And our phobia's coming in there and setting up a fantasy.

Our fantasy creates the nightmare with the phobia to let us know that we don't

have things in balance. We're not seeing them objectively,

and we're not seeing our goals objectively.

Now the next one is the fear of loss of health or wellbeing or vitality or

beauty.

If you're a beautiful woman and all of a sudden you're in your seventies or

something and you start to have a bit of fading on some of that beauty,

or at least in <laugh>, in younger's eyes,

maybe as you get older your eyes go and so the 70 year old's looking good

because your eyes are deteriorating.

But the reality is that we can have a fear of loss of our beauty or our,

our stamina, our energy or our health.

And this is because of the fantasy of what it is.

We have a fantasy about the pleasures of it. And again,

the more we have philia about our youth,

the more we have a phobia about our aging.

But if we understand that there's a pain and pleasure at every stage of life.

You know,

the things that you have that are fearful when you're young is different than

when you're old. But you still have the philias and phobias.

And if you have more philia than phobia, you may have more fantasy,

your nightmare's going to come back and haunt you.

And the same thing with spirituality.

You can have a fantasy about the afterlife and then all of a sudden you can fear

the loss of that afterlife,

or you can have a fantasy about what's going to happen to you when you pass.

These fantasies make you have anxieties and they're sometimes promoted by moral

hypocrisists that are going out there and promoting a fantasy world in the

afterlife, primarily to give us some sort of meaning

so we don't have nihilistic views. But whatever it is,

the fear that we have is a compensation for the fantasies that we're addicted

to. And I always say that just like depression,

depression is a comparison of your current reality to a fantasy.

And so it's there to try to break your addiction to the fantasy,

to get you back into balance, to have a real objective in life,

and to get grounded about how life is really at.

And the magnificence of how it is is far greater than the fantasies we impose on

it. So any one of those fears,

the fear of loss of information, or the fear of not knowing enough,

the fear of failure, and not to you know, keeping clients,

the fear of loss of money or fear of not making it,

the fear of loss of loved ones or the respect of loved ones,

the fear of rejection, the fear of ill health, death, disease,

or loss of beauty,

and the fear of somehow breaking the morals and ethics of some spiritual

hypocrisist out there that put some sort of polarity that we're supposed to live

by.

When we go around and we say we're supposed to be always

always kind and never cruel and always giving and never taking,

and it's more blessed to do this and not that,

whenever we have a polarized view,

we automatically create a polarity that disempowers us.

See anything you infatuate occupies space and time in your mind and runs you.

So your fantasies occupy your mind and run you and distract you,

and then you automatically have things you resent when it's the opposite of

that. Anything you infatuate with, you resent its opposite.

Anything you're philic about, you're phobic of i's opposite.

The moment you do and put a polarity to it with those moral hypocrisies that

you're trying to live a one-sided life,

you automatically are going to have phobias and philias and these pairs of

opposites. But if you set objectives,

now the question is how do we set objectives? Well,

here's the very most powerful thing that you've seen me talk about in almost

every talk I do here, and that is that we all have hierarchy of values,

a set of priorities we live our life by,

things that are most important to least important. If we set a goal,

which is a true objective, not a fantasy, according to our highest value,

where we use our forebrain, our medial prefrontal cortex, our executive center,

we automatically start to strategically plan the

objective with foresight. We anticipate what could go wrong,

how to solve that in advance and prepare and calm down the fantasy.

The purpose of strategic planning is to calm the fantasy and make a true

objective.

If we don't live by our highest values and we try to live by lower values,

we'll automatically have unfulfillment.

As a result of that we go into a subcortical area of

The amygdala wants to avoid a pain and seek a pleasure.

It now sets up that moral hypocrisy. It strives to get a one-sided world.

It's now blinded from the other side. It's ignorant. So if you're infatuated,

you're ignorant of the downside.

If you have a fantasy you're ignorant of the nightmare that's sitting there.

It's accompanying the very thing you're pursuing,

but you're now pursuing a fantasy, and then you get swiped,

sideswiped from the left field, you might say,

of all some the negatives that you didn't anticipate. And by the way,

that's called distress.

When you're pursuing only a positive and trying to avoid a negative,

when the negative comes that's accompanying in the magnet,

you automatically have distress because it's now frightening.

Because you want the philia here, you don't want the phobia.

But at the same time, if you set a real objective and you've neutralized it,

you calm down the fantasy, it's no longer a fantasy,

it's now an objective. You've calmed down and prepared for this one.

So you now have eustress,

you're now pursuing the challenges that you are inspired by.

And when you do,

you wake up genius and creativity and innovation and you wake up original

thinking and you now step out and lead.

So taking the time to identify what your hierarchy of values are,

which is on my Value Determination process on my website,

this is one of the things we do in the Breakthrough Experience.

One of the primary objectives of the Breakthrough Experience is to distinguish

between fantasies and objectives.

So fantasies automatically bring the other one and side swipe us and make us

feel depreciated. But setting real objectives, in real time,

with real strategies, that we take actions on,

that we've mitigated the risks on, that are really inspiring to us,

that are things that we're willing to embrace

the pleasures and the pains equally, both sides of the magnet, equally,

we can have the magnet. I want you to imagine this for a second.

I'm going to pull out a little coin here, a little gold medal here.

We have a heads and a tails you might say, imagine if I said,

your self worth is based on how many coins you accumulate, but you say,

I only want the positive coin. Positive heads of the coin.

I don't want the negative side of the coin.

I only want the positive side of the coin.

How many coins are you going to collect? Not going to.

Because you're trying to get rid of half the coin. If you want in life,

if you want to get something achieved,

you better embrace both sides of what's going to take to achieve it. If you do,

you have a higher probability of achieving. In the same

you'll have a higher probability of loving, higher probability of achieving,

higher probability of accruing wealth.

If you're not willing to do what it takes to build the wealth and have deferred

gratification and embrace the patience and the pains that it takes

to build wealth, not going to have wealth.

If you want to immediate gratification, it usually costs you.

Immediate gratification of the amygdala,

looking for a one-sided world and trying to avoid the other side,

in a sense stops you from achieving. That's why in the Breakthrough Experience,

in the Breakthrough Experience what I do is I show people how to set real

objectives, how to discern when an objective is actually done,

when you have no phobias and fantasies, you're balanced and you're centered,

you're poised, you're present, you're powerful, you're productive,

you're prioritized, and now you're empowered,

in that state you're not sitting there in this wobbling uncertainty game where

you're living in frightened with philias and phobias that are occupying space

and time in your mind as noise,

you're getting a signal from your soul instead of the noise from your senses.

And then I do the Demartini Method in the Breakthrough Experience,

and I show you how to dissolve the infatuation resentments, the philias,

the phobias, the nightmares and the fantasies.

How to dissolve them by asking questions that stabilize it, balance it out,

and set real objectives.

Your achievements go skyrocketing because you now have a real objective.

So if you allow the fantasies to rule your life,

you're going to have the nightmares. If you allow the philias in your life,

you're going to have the the phobias. Your phobias are not necessarily enemies.

Your phobias are whisperings to you that you're not pursuing a true

objective.

Your phobias are your friends and they dissolve the moment you set

true objectives and embrace both sides and mitigate the risk and are prepared

for both.

You don't make it to Mars without a combination of the gullible and the

skeptical merged. The synthesis, thesis, antithesis,

synthesis, and synchronicity,

simultaneity of both of those together is where you maximize your potential

in achievement, maximize your love, maximize it.

In the Breakthrough Experience that's why I teach people the science of the

Demartini Method and the values to give you maximum potential,

maximum achievement,

and to not let the phobias or philias distract you in your pursuit of something

meaningful, which is the mean between the pairs of opposites.

So I just wanted to share with you this little brief idea about the phobias,

the seven phobias that can undermine your life. Again,

the fear of not being smart enough, intelligent enough,

degreed enough or educated enough, the fear of breaking the, you know,

losing in business or failure in business, not getting business,

the fear of loss of money,

the fear of loss of loved ones or respect of loved ones.

The fear of rejection or the loss of, you know, community, you might say.

The fear of ill health, death, or disease or beauty,

and the fear of breaking some morals and ethics of some spiritual authority

that's possibly antiquated.

All of those are actually feedbacks to get you to set real objectives in real

time and strategize it.

That's why I want you come to the Breakthrough because

that.

It's not easy in just a few minutes to go over each one and actually show you

the process.

But in there I will actually have you go through it and not just theoretically,

but actually make you do it and experience it,

so you know how to dissolve the phobias in your life because you know how to

dissolve your fantasies and get real objectives and really achieve something

amazing with your life. Nothing has ever achieved without some sort of a real,

real objective. So hope you enjoyed this little presentation.

I will see you next week. Join me at The Breakthrough Experience.

I've made transformations in people's lives and helped them break the illusion

of searching for fantasies and having nightmares all their life.

I can show you how to do that. I love doing that.

I love to help you do something extraordinary with your life.

I'll see you next week and I'll see you at The Breakthrough Experience.