This is Mr. Funky Teacher with BeAFunkyTeacher.com. I'm coming to you with another Be a Funky Teacher podcast. Welcome back, everyone. Today's episode is called Kids Who Push Back Need Us Most. And this one can be hard to sit with because it challenges our instincts. When a student pushes back, questions us, resists, or challenges authority, the natural response is to tighten control, to protect order, to protect the classroom, even to protect ourselves. But over time, I've learned something that reshaped the way that I teach. Often, the kids who push back the hardest are the kids who need connection the most. Today, I want to talk about what pushing back really means, what's often underneath it, and how choosing relationship in those moments can change everything. Before we get into it, though, I want to ground myself in gratitude. First, I'm thankful for affirmations, those small, steady reminders that words matter, especially when kids are still learning how to talk to themselves, that inner dialogue. We can use affirmations to help teach kids how to develop their inner dialogue, their inner voice, and how to talk kindly to one another just by using affirmations. I've found a lot of value in affirmations. And affirmations are not just for students. I use affirmations with myself. I was thinking this morning about how different affirmations that I have hanging, and that I go through, and that I say to myself. I have some that I say with students. I have some that I say to myself. And boy, they're powerful, y' all. They help keep me focused on how to talk to myself as well. Second thing that I'm thankful for is comfortable seats, whether it's in a classroom or at home. Comfort helps people remember that learning and growth don't have to be rigid to be meaningful. And the third thing that I'm thankful for is flavored water. It sounds simple, but small comforts throughout the day can keep us grounded and present. Well, let's get into the main topic. Kids who push back need us most. Pushing back is often a test. It's not a rejection. When students push back, it can feel personal. It can sound like sarcasm, arguing, refusal, or questioning authority. But often it's not rejection. It's a test. Students are asking, are you consistent? Will you abandon me if I'm difficult? Do I still matter when I'm not easy? They're not saying it directly, but that is what is often underneath the sarcasm, arguing, refusal, or questioning of authority. And how we respond answers those questions. Let's go into a classroom moment. A student challenges a direction. Not aggressively, but publicly. You feel the eyes in the room. In that moment, you have a choice. You can shut it down immediately. You can assert control and make an example. Or you can pause. You can say, let's talk about that after, and return to the lesson. That pause does something powerful. There is power in the pause. The pause protects dignity. It keeps the room safe. It keeps the door open for relationship. Write that down, y' all. There is power in the pause. Power struggles are rarely about power. Most power struggles are about feeling unheard, embarrassed, out of control, or needing autonomy. When teachers engage in power struggles, both sides lose. But when teachers stay calm and curious, students often soften because someone stayed regulated. Getting pulled into power struggles is not where it's at. Let me take you into another moment. The pushback already happened. The comment, the tension. Class kept moving, but it didn’t disappear. The bell rings. Students pack up. The room slowly empties. Now it's just you and that student. There is no audience. No pressure to perform authority. You don't start with a lecture. You say something simple like, earlier felt off. Talk to me. At first, the student shrugs. Looks away. Maybe says nothing. But you wait. And then it comes out. Maybe it's frustration about being behind. Maybe it's embarrassment. Maybe it's something that happened before school that had nothing to do with you. Suddenly, pushback makes sense. Not acceptable, but understandable. That conversation doesn't erase expectations, but it changes the tone. Now the student realizes you didn't give up. You didn't just see the behavior. You wanted to understand them. That quiet, private moment is where trust is built. Kids who push back often carry more than we can see. Many students who push back are carrying invisible weight. Instability. Trauma. Feeling behind academically. Distrust of adults. Years of being labeled. Pushback becomes a shield. Seeing that doesn't excuse behavior, but it explains it. Relationships don't mean letting things slide. Meeting pushback with relationship does not mean ignoring behavior. It means addressing it without humiliation. It means holding expectations with empathy. It means correcting without shame. It means separating the behavior from the child. Students are far more willing to accept accountability from adults who haven't given up on them. Staying regulated is the work. When students push back, our nervous system reacts. Heart rate increases. Thoughts speed up. Staying calm is not passive. It is skilled. When adults stay regulated, students often borrow that calm. That is leadership. Years from now, students won't remember the argument. They will remember whether you stayed. Whether you listened. Whether you believed they were more than their hardest moments. Kids who push back don't need harsher responses. They need steady ones. As I do a reflective closing here, kids who push back are not trying to make teaching harder. They're trying to see if someone will stay. When teachers choose relationship in those moments without abandoning expectations, students learn something powerful. They learn they matter even when they are difficult. Kids who push back need us most. If you found this episode valuable, head on over to Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to your podcast and hit me up with a five star review and let me know what you think. It helps more teachers find this space. And I want you to remember to inspire greatness in young people. And don't forget to be a funky teacher. Bye now.