Andrea Rappaport (00:00)

I've got three words that are surprisingly going to be your best friends during your divorce. It's Target, Alexa and TikTok on this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce.

Target, Alexa, TikTok. Target, Alexa, TikTok. What? Target, Alexa, TikTok. Yep, I wrote that song myself. How are these three words?

random things going to help you and how do they all come together. Baby, I'm gonna help you calm your nervous system in the most realistic way. Let's start with Target. You've got a Target near you. I know you do.

Why Target? Because there's a little bit of everything. Because it's not super expensive. Because they've got groceries. They've got clothes. They've got stuff for your home. It's big. You get to move your body. You can go there when it's raining. You can go there when it's hot. You can go there when it's cold. You can go there when it's sunny. They're open late. You need to get out of the house.

You need to be visually looking at things. Here's why. When you see things of different colors and different textures it helps to take your brain out of this stuck place that you're in of ruminating on something that you can't control. Now, I'm not telling you to wander through a Target and go on a shopping spree and buy

everything. mean, only if you're putting it on your soon-to-be ex's card. What? I didn't say that. But don't do that. I would never. No, but walk around. Maybe buy yourself one thing that's really expensive. No, just look at the stuff. Just look. Get your butt out of the house. Wander around a target. I am telling you, it

saved me so many times from spiraling when I had to get out of the house. Now, if you're like a pro like me, then maybe you'll up the ante a little bit and you'll wander into like a TJ Maxx Marshall's Home Goods. But if you're not on that level, Target is a great place to start. I literally went to Target today and I had a great time. And all I bought was laundry detergent, Dawn Power Wash, ⁓

Clorox cleaning tabs for a toilet and a book. and a bathing suit. Forgot about that. But I had a ball. I had a ball and it lifted my mood. Moving on, Alexa. Why is Alexa and how is Alexa going to be a game changer for you and your divorce process? I will tell you.

because the last thing I want you to do is walk into a silent home. Silence is not our friend right now. And you want a device that is right there listening to your every move because it's oddly very comforting. But at any moment in the day, you can say, Alexa, play me songs from the 80s. Alexa, play me a podcast, Alexa.

What's the capital of Portugal? Whatever. You need a person to talk to. Alexa is there. She is willing. She is ready. She'll keep your Amazon lists together. I love having something there. And here's the key. If you've got an Alexa or if you're a Google Home person or whatever the hell that thing is called, great, you have to use it. Do not just sit in silence. You have to force yourself.

put a song on, do something. It sounds so silly, but again, just like how seeing things at a target is gonna help you, hearing something helps you. It lifts your mood. And maybe don't just play the same music you always play. Don't just say, Alexa, play me today's top hits. Change it up.

Alexa, play me Motown. Alexa, play me disco hits. Maybe there's songs from your high school days that make you really happy. Go there. Play some music. It will save you. Let's move into TikTok. This one's a little

Scrolling. Is scrolling healthy for us? Most people say no, but you know what? I'm on a level with you. We all scroll.

What's wrong with it? Nothing. Sometimes you need to scroll and leaning into TikTok sometimes can be one of the best things for you. Why? Because TikTok is ridiculous and you can fall down any rabbit hole you want. I recently went down the rabbit hole of wanting to learn everything there is to know about.

the real life of John F. Kennedy Jr. and Carolyn Bessette after watching the American Love Story show. there's something about learning about two people who died tragically in a plane crash that really lift my spirits. There are so many topics. It doesn't have to be them. But

Anything. Sometimes we need to go down a rabbit hole about something that has nothing to do with your divorce. Scroll away. It's okay. Not every single day is going to be about drinking kombucha and doing yoga. And does anybody even do that anymore? We have to be real. Sometimes you'll want to buy shit. Sometimes you want to scroll on TikTok.

other things that I did that helped me, which most therapists and attorneys would say, uh, don't do this. But I'm going to tell you, I did it and it helped me a lot.

Grab your laptop or a book and go sit at a bar. Go sit at a bar. You don't have to have a drink. If you're not a drinker, don't start now, but you can have a Pellegrino, you can have a Diet Coke or you can have a dirty vodka martini. Anything goes. Get out of the fucking house. Sit at a bar. Don't sit in a booth.

Booths are sad. Sit at the bar. You'll have a conversation with the bartender. You can listen to other people's conversations. Watching other people converse at a bar is fascinating to me. And I guarantee that if you turn to the person next to you and you tell them that you're going through a divorce, they're going to buy you a drink and they're going to be your best friend Everybody loves someone who's going through a divorce. Mark my words.

Go to a bar. I'm not telling you to get plowed. I'm not telling you to go to a bar and bring the person next to you home unless you want to. I mean, go for it. But I'm telling you, get out of the house. Target, Alexa, TikTok, my. These three things saved me. I think they will save you just like this podcast.

There are going to be days where you're going to want to make really healthy decisions. And then there are days where you just want the pain to go away. There are days where you want that emotional quick fix and there's nothing wrong with that. We're humans. We don't want to sit in these feelings every day because these feelings suck and they're uncomfortable. So sometimes

you need a little something. And if I can offer you that, then I've done my job. we have episodes that are going to get real deep with you and really specific on action steps that you can take to help yourself through your divorce process. But guess what? There are days where you need another kind of help. So we're here for you on the days when you need to know how to navigate your way through a deposition.

And on the days when you need to know what the hell do I do to feel a little bit better. go wander around a target. Do not sit in silence. If you have an Alexa, use the Alexa and go scroll. Scrolling can be your friend. Whatever you need to get yourself out of this place of ruminating over something you cannot control can't be that bad for you.

Remember, divorce is a marathon. It is not a sprint. There are going to be days that you just want this thing to be over. And the end is coming. I don't mean that in like the end of all days is coming. It might be, but we're not talking about that right now. The end of your divorce will come. You will not be getting a divorce for the rest of your life. I promise you.

You're going to have so many good days ahead of you. You are going to look back on this time and think, wow, that was really hard, but I did it. And I'm so glad that I did because now I get to move on to the next healthiest, happiest chapter of my life. And we're going to be here for you to support you through. So remember my friends on the days when you think you cannot do it, you can do it. You are in fact, in this moment, doing it.

You've got this and we've got you.