Hello, and

welcome to the Borealis experience. I'm so happy to be

back to be reconnecting with you. I hope you're doing well. I

hope you feel peace. I hope you feel confident about yourself, I

hope you feel good about the path that you're on the journey

that you're engaged in. And if that's not the case, if you feel

confused, stuck, frustrated, lost. I hope my podcast will add

value to your life and support you inspire you make you feel

your heart and your soul. On a deeper level. I have a puppy

whining in the background. So that's my my challenge today.

But we'll just go with the flow and I will not let myself get

distracted. So it's

January, January.

difficulty speaking today.

It's January 7 2024.

We brought Christmas behind us and the New Year celebrations. I

hope you feel right. I hope you had a good time with friends and

family or with yourself if you decided to spend the holidays

alone. I totally understand this too. But yeah, I hope you don't

feel burned out. Because a lot of people that I talked to right

now are kind of happy that things are over. They had a good

time with family, good food and great outdoors activities

together. But it can also be a lot, a lot of texting, back and

forth coordinating, trying to please everybody or

accommodating everybody trying to not step on people's toes.

Trying to not feel triggered when it comes to family. Sorry,

family. So it can be a lot, there's a lot of expectations

involved. There's a lot of you know, out of routine, days

happening. And that's good. Let's get it messy. Let's get it

chaotic. But then it's also nice and exciting to go back to

routine. And maybe starting a new routine, right New Year's

resolutions, goals, dreams, whatever it is. intentions, a

lot of people talk about setting intentions now instead of having

a New Year's resolutions, and I totally applaud that embrace

that myself. Sometimes having resolutions are great, but it

can be too rigid, it can be you know, too big of a change that

we all of a sudden want to engage in. And then we drop it

after two weeks or maybe after two days already, get frustrated

with ourselves and then end up in a position that is worse than

when we first started. And I want to help you with that. I

don't want you to feel frustrated, I don't want you to

you know not set set goals or chase after your dreams. But

what I want to encourage you and make you aware of is that

sometimes we are with ourselves with our relationship to

ourselves, our life. We are in a spot where we tend to self

abandon, we put ourselves last. We have very harsh self talk. We

have belief systems in place that are not necessarily you

know, heart opening and kind towards ourself, or others. And

then we come up with a new year's resolution. Let's say we

want to have a successful business by the end of the year.

While we want to lose 15 kilos throughout the year. We want to

exercise regularly. If those New Year's resolutions meet a person

that constantly abandoned him or herself. That's not going to

work out. You're just going to hate yourself even more you're

going to feel like the biggest failure ever, if you have a

coach who tells you, yeah, awesome, set your goals low. And

then, you know, we build on that. And that's great advice

for a person who's been working on themselves and loves

themselves already. But a lot of people are not there yet. And

that's perfectly fine. No need to feel embarrassed or no need

to feel less than or not enough. But a lot of people have to

realize that they look into the mirror in the morning. And they

absolutely hate what they see. They can't even bring up a

smile, they can can't even look into their own eyes. And how can

a person like that all of a sudden, engage in practices that

are completely self loving and hard opening, right, just like a

person who has been living on the streets for the last couple

of weeks or months, all of a sudden going to a spa, they will

not feel comfortable. Because their nervous system is still in

abandonment mode, survival mode, having to fight or flight mode.

And then you want to start to you know, draw them a bath and

spend money on a massage and go to the hairdresser and have your

nails done and engage in a coaching journey. That might be

not in alignment with the person's nervous system, it

might be too much, like too much of a drastic change. And then

you cannot expect good results. You can have a great mindset,

very positive, very, right, push through the day, everything is

great, and kind of harass yourself to feel happy. But on

the inside, you know that you're lying to yourself on the inside,

you know that you're not ready yet for this. So you got to dial

back a little bit. And realize and accept that you don't like

yourself. Otherwise you wouldn't abandon yourself. And if you

were not to abandon yourself constantly, you could

consistently engage in self care practices. But there's something

inside of you that keeps manipulating the situation. And

what is that little thing inside of you? What is it that prevents

you from being consistent from showing up from being punctual

from being orderly from being this loving, open heart, a

person that absolutely adores him or herself and respects and

loves other people? You got to come back to that you can't run

away from it. You can, but it will cost you so much more

effort and energy and will just be a great waste of time.

Because again, on the outside, you will look like oh man, he's

got it all together. Oh, man, she's got it all. But on the

inside, you know, you're lying to yourself. And I'm always,

always always if you're listening to this podcast for

the first time. Here is what I do is that I want to get you to

the point where you look from the inside out and not from the

outside and not from the perspective of how do I fit in

how do I function? What do other people think of me? How do I you

know, communicate with other people. That's important too.

Because we all want to belong. We all need to belong for

survival. But I want you to go within to make space and time to

learn about yourself. Who are you? What part is it inside of

you? That keeps abandoning yourself that prevents you from

showing up from for yourself sorry. What is it that makes you

think that you're not deserving of nicely you know, running

business and above Then life, what is it inside of you, that

doesn't accept this beautiful relationship that you're in. And

you keep pushing your partner away. You keep building walls,

you keep blaming and shaming and all along, you know, it's

something inside of you that you need to heal. What is it inside

of you that makes you feel less than that? Has you compare

yourself all the time? And not always, but often I go back in

time with people, with my clients during the coaching

journey, and we explore what happened, what, what really

messed up your sense of self? And can we heal that? Can we

change your perspective on that? Right? I had a client the other

day, and she said, she's basically an orphan. She has no

parents she never had because they neglected her. They made

her feel shit. They, you know, emotionally, physically abused

her. She's an orphan, she says.

And she has a shaky foundation. So she is successful now. But

she's always scared that it's going to be taken away from her.

She's always scared that that hard that curtain? How do you

say that house of cards will collapse one day, because she

has a shaky foundation. Because her parents are just, they were

not parents for her. She didn't grow up with caregivers that

loved her, supported her. And so she doesn't really believe

herself in her success. And that's such a tragic story.

Because this woman is so extremely beautiful and so

capable and so intelligent, loving. And yet she believes

that she's not worthy because of her upbringing. So what we do is

we go back in time, and we find situations where she felt this

way, for the first time. And then change the perspective,

learn more about her parents, her upbringing, and so on, and

so on, and so on. So we sometimes have to go back in

time, right? Because a lot of people ask me, oh, I want to

start coaching. But I heard that's, you know, we only look

into the future, and we build strength for the future. Yeah,

we do all that. But sometimes you got to go back to your

roots. And you got to heal from the roots. And make sure that

you know, how worthy you are. Because no coaching in this

world is going to help you if you think you're not worthy of

it. And no, you know, New Year's resolution and self care

practice that you want to engage in is gonna, you know, be

consistent. How do you say that my English is really bad today,

you will not be able to stay consistent. It will not be

sustainable. If you don't love yourself, and was your mind was

the ego, you can, you know, keep forcing it and keep showing up

and go to the gym and lift heavier weights. But it's going

to be harder and harder. It's going to take more and more

effort. If you don't go back to your self abandonment issues.

And how does self abandonment look like? Well, self

abandonment has many, many faces. Right? We can have a

morning routine or we can have a plan for how our day wants to

unfold how we would feel best. And then somebody comes up and

say Hey, can you help me with this? All right, then I'm going

to help you with this. Because that person has helped us in the

past. We're going to show up for them now. All right, and then we

sit down and we want to get worked down. Finally everything

is quiet. We start working 10 minutes into the work. We think

I never got back to that person on Facebook. I better get them a

message sent because otherwise they be upset it, then I'm on

Facebook messaging. Next thing you know, I'm on social media on

tick tock on Instagram, everywhere checking if there's

messages or notifications or anything I need to get back to

half an hour goes by, oh shit, okay, I gotta go back to work,

then the phone rings and there's a person who needs help. And of

course, you're not going to, you know, let them down and you show

up for them. And then so your whole morning went by, in the

evening, you wanted to subscribe to a yoga class. And now your

husband tells you or your partner or whoever wanted to

show up for you that they don't have time to babysit the dog or

your child. And yeah, he goes your self care practice. You

have belief systems that when something goes wrong, that life

is against you, when somebody is upset or angry or treats you

like very poorly, that you deserve it, you have a hard time

setting boundaries, you have an extremely hard time expressing

your needs. Especially when it comes to your family and your

relationships.

You

have a feeling that consistency and structure is restraining you

restricting you it doesn't feel good. So you don't like

structure. Because back then, at school, maybe you had a bad

experience with a teacher and now you hate authority you hate

discipline you hate, you know, being punctual, you don't like

structure, because you have a negative condition, conditioning

with with structure and discipline, but that's needed in

order to be successful. So there's a tug of war, inside of

you, when you want to get things done, that you have a genuine

resistance to discipline, you can stay focused because of

that. And you get frustrated at yourself. And when people treat

you poorly, you believe them, you don't stand up for yourself,

when people need something from you. You give them you know,

you're all which is great. But we have to find times where we

say no. So to work on that first and to train, standing in front

of the mirror and to train to accept all parts of you. And to

bring up the parts that you resist. And absolutely, you

know, dislike and reject and to engage on a journey to embrace

those parts. Because if you keep living in denial of those parts,

they're gonna keep limping behind you, you know, like a

shadow like a sad, starved little dog. So you got to give

it some intention, even though it's not comfortable. But

otherwise, there's no point in engaging in great New Year's

intentions, resolutions, however you want to call it goals and

dreams. Because once you get there once you have the perfect

body once you have the great relationship, once you have the

job once you have the running business, you will not feel like

you deserve it. It will not be sustainable. And then what was

all the effort for you got to train your whole nervous system,

your whole being to be the biggest, greatest gift of love

to this world. That is so incredibly unique and magical

and needed. And then you were engaged in practices that are in

resonance with that. Everything that you do before embracing

yourself and loving yourself is going to be a waste of money.

All right. This is my message for you today and I'll send you

out into the state and this evening was so much love so much

respect. I can't wait to meet with you in person, be it at the

year experience or over zoom. I'm always there for questions.

If you have questions, you know, regarding this episode, if you

ever requests for a future episodes, never hold back. And

if you're curious about a coaching journey with me, sent

me a message. And I'd be glad to, yeah, share with you how I

approach this thing called coaching. And yeah, if you have

a partner, if you are in a relationship, we can certainly

include your partner, or even try out a one time and Timothy

class, which I highly recommend, before engaging on a longer

journey. And if you're single, and want to heal from past

heartbreak and feel, yeah, you are not on a on a good path

right now with being single and you want to change things around

but you don't know how, then I'd gladly serve you as well. All

right, take really good care of yourself. And as you know, this

podcast is kind of a build up a progression. Very timeless, so

go back to old episodes, you can conveniently pick them up or

titles, whatever you find most interesting, and this podcast is

offer free and I wanted to keep it that way. But if you got some

value out of it, please consider leaving a review on Apple

podcasts or Spotify or rating. And there is a donation button

in the shownotes buy me a coffee. Of course I won't buy a

coffee with the money. I will put it right back into my

podcast expenses or incomes to cover the expenses and I'd be so

ever grateful to receive any kind of feedback was so much

love. Take good care of yourself. Bye bye