[00:00:00] Kathy Wright: first had to really get honest with myself, about traumas and dramas and anything from my past that was left unhealed. I really had to go there. I did not have a real troubled childhood, but there were definitely things that happened that I did not really do the analysis on that. I really didn't do the healing on and that were showing up in my adult life as triggers. I had to do a lot of work around forgiveness. I had to do work around forgiving myself for showing up in spaces the way that I did at some points in my life, I had to forgive other people in my life for showing up the way that they did and how they made me feel.

[00:00:53] And just going through that process was one of the most transformational things I was able to do. The power of forgiveness or even the small things is absolutely life changing.

[00:01:08] Christy Rutherford: Welcome to Why She's Winning with your host, Christy Rutherford, a master of office politics and self care advocacy.

[00:01:17] Christy's clients have received over 10 million in salary raises in a pandemic, surprised that women are still getting paid during these challenging times. It's possible for you too. You can have it all, if you believe you deserve it, Christy and her guest will assist you with that. Let's get started.

[00:01:36] All right. All right. All right. So we are here. I have the amazing, amazing, amazing Kathy Wright. And this is Why She's Winning live. My name is Christy Rutherford, C to the H to the R.

[00:01:53] I don't think Cathy's ready to be in a live interview with me, but so I want to talk about, shifting from surviving to thriving ladies, how many of you have operated in survival mode for so long that when somebody tells you that you can thrive, you think they're full of ish period. Cathy, don't know what to expect.

[00:02:16] So, you know, she's all Polish and, and bougie. So I'm excited that she's gonna be with us today. Alright, we're good. All right. So lemme talk about Kathy. Right? So Kathy is the founder of She Believed She Could LLC. She is an internationally recognized education leader. US state department for exchange program, nationally GE stem foundation, Batel and NSTA, State Ohio stem learning network, local greater Cincinnati stem collaboration.

[00:02:45] Oh, she says I'm a local state and national leader. Do you'll see how she wrote that down. Kathy was invited to present research at the Obama white house summit on the next generation of high schools. She was the principal in residence for Batel leading their work on innovative leaders Institute, NAACP, Cincinnati branch freedom fund awardee for empowering education.

[00:03:07] And she was the top graduate of the executive MBA program at Howard University. She really wanted to go to South Carolina State. So we gonna talk about that and then, she presented on Capitol Hill, the key finders on teacher efficacy and preparation. So welcome, Kathy.

[00:03:26] Kathy Wright: Thank you, Christy. So glad to be here today.

[00:03:29] Christy Rutherford: Awesome. Awesome. We're excited to have you, so let's talk about cuz you chose to work with me. Right?

[00:03:38] Kathy Wright: I did.

[00:03:38] Christy Rutherford: And this is the thing. This is why I'm doing this because I'm a happy I'm frolicking on the beach. I'm a little weird. I'm weirdly happy. And people think that I'm full of it because they don't think that they can have that.

[00:03:51] I met a woman a couple weeks ago and she said that happiness, Kathy, she said happiness was a moment.

[00:03:59] Kathy Wright: wow.

[00:04:01] Christy Rutherford: So I'm here to talk about, by your fruits, you shall know them. So I'm wanting to show y'all some fruit around here. So, Kathy. Good morning Delisha. Tell the viewers about what were some of the challenges that you had before you chose to do something different?

[00:04:19] What was that moment? Right, because we all say that we wanna be different. We all know that we wanna be different, but we never take action. We read a book. What was that moment when you said, you know what, I need to do something different, so I can live a better life.

[00:04:35] Kathy Wright: So great question. Thank you again for having me on I'm so excited to talk about the work that I've done with you and how it's really changed my life and propel me into a different space. Prior to working with you just before. I guess right when the pandemic hit, is a better timeframe to explain it. When the pandemic hit, just like everybody else.

[00:04:58] I was in a space where I was confused. I was a little bit scared. And I still had a lot of people who were depending on me who were looking toward to me for leadership, for answers. To be available to them to provide some safety and security about what was supposed to be happening. I was a principal at the time.

[00:05:19] And so I had that whole community of learners and their families and the teachers and the associated people with the school community that were really looking to me for answers for a lot of things. And for the first time in my career, I wasn't able to really give concrete answers, concrete solutions in some cases to things that were really important to everyone in our community.

[00:05:48] Really grown just kinda like, more and more upset at that time, I was more wanting...

[00:05:56] Christy Rutherford: Hold on, Kathy, hold on. We gotta figure out this Instagram. Let me see, actually, if y'all can join us on Instagram, if y'all can join us on Facebook live from Kathy's page or from my page, Christy Rutherford, then we'll get it popping.

[00:06:16] We'll get it right next time. Oh, sorry. It was given feedback. Okay. Yeah.

[00:06:20] Kathy Wright: Did I end it live?

[00:06:22] Christy Rutherford: Yup. Okay.

[00:06:28] Kathy Wright: All right. Sorry about that. So we were, I was actively just trying to find, just trying to get to a better place. In my head, trying to feel, trying to get out of this just feeling like I was in a box. I couldn't find my way out. I was growing increasingly sad.

[00:06:52] I was definitely feeling very overwhelmed. During that time, I was just, you know, trying to make sense of it all, like many of us were during the pandemic and I started to lean in on my prayer life. I really started to lean in to try to figure out, you know, what was the best way for me to navigate through this really tough time.

[00:07:11] And really try to lean into what God had in store for me, for the rest of my. I was at the point where I didn't think that I was going to remain in education. Not just because of the pandemic, but there were several things leading up to that that were kind of like, just adding to that idea.

[00:07:28] And so, but the pandemic kind of uncovered everything, right. And it made everything really raw. And it increased my vulnerability in this space. So I leaned on my prayers and tried to really ask God to give me signs. About, you know, what he would have me to do. And during that time, I just remember looking, you know, watching my friends and I noticed one who was just thriving. And I was really interested in like, how is it in the middle of all of this chaos when the world is, it feels like it's falling down and everything we know about how the world works and what our work should look like and our place in it, it looks like it's not the truth anymore.

[00:08:12] And we all have to like rediscover ourselves. Well, in the middle of that, she was thriving and she was being promoted and she was making more money and she was happy. And you know, so I just asked her, I said, so, you know, in the middle of all of this, you know, what are you doing that is making you glow up? Right.

[00:08:34] Why you glow up about, and she told me that she got a coach and I'm like, coach. Well, never thought about getting a coach, right. I mean, you know, I've been to business school, I've been to, you know, all these degrees and checked all the boxes that I was supposed to check in terms of the career ladder and, and all of that.

[00:08:54] But in none of those conversations, the real conversation about getting a coach. And so trusting her and believing in her. And again, just seeing the fruit of what had happened through her coaching experience. I jumped right in and I gave Christy a call. After that, everything changed.

[00:09:18] Christy Rutherford: we're we're gonna talk about that, I'm excited. So good morning, Allison actually afternoon Joquina, Stephanie and Alicia.

[00:09:25] So, what's the difference between, because I always say that the pandemic locked us in our houses with our decisions. Because successful women, highly successful women, ambitious women. We are some runners.

[00:09:42] We are massive at compartmentalizing trauma drama stuff, because we're always going towards the next goal. We're always trying to check the next box and, we run forever because if we stop and look in the mirror, it's over. Because now we have to actually address what we're looking at. So we refuse to do it.

[00:10:02] So you're looking at your friend growing up because she did. Oh, we was crushing and killing a game and you're looking at everybody else who's descending into chaos. And then you're looking at one woman.

[00:10:14] And you're like, wait a minute. What are you doing? Cuz she called me. She was like, what are you doing? You know, we're gonna get it to you, but I want you to really talk about how the difference between is your choice, whether or not you're gonna descend in the chaos, your gonna rise.

[00:10:33] Kathy Wright: It absolutely is your choice. One of the things that I discovered in all of that is, you know, when I really leaned into prayer and started to ask God, you know, one thing was certain in all of that, the answer was always about choice.

[00:10:48] It always was about intent. It was always about shifting my mind, my energy towards something that was greater than I ever thought possible. I had leaned so far in to believing that the system needed me. They can't do nothing without me. You know, I'm not making a salary I wanna make, but that's okay because I'm giving back and it's okay for me to sacrifice.

[00:11:15] And you know, I had really, really lean to that space, despite the fact that I was running, I was like you said, I was running. I was getting degrees and getting accolades and getting certifications and doing all of these things to improve what I thought was going to be the outcomes in terms of my finances in terms of my emotional and mental health, like, you know, feeling even more great about myself and at the end of the day, none of that stuff happened.

[00:11:45] None of that stuff happened until I decided to make a complete mind shift. And really focus on what would make me happy, and I always say this, people think of the word selfishness as something horrible. It's not at all, it's not at all, but for the first time in my life, I was focused on really doing me.

[00:12:12] Focusing on self care, focusing on my meditation, focusing on my affirmations and, the things that God would have me to do. But that would also open me up into new realms, into new avenues to pursue in my life.

[00:12:26] Christy Rutherford: So when we talk, cuz we're getting into the how, so I'm gonna bring you back up one click, right?

[00:12:31] And I remember what I said to you. Remember what I said about you being Miss. Out of position.

[00:12:40] Kathy Wright: Really like when people bust their hands open, that was that day. So we were talking, I was on the phone with Christy after I had made the decision to give her a call and talk to her about this thing.

[00:12:53] Like what, you know, what magical things she's gonna say. And she was a first person to ever confront me about my ideas about who I was and what I could actually make. She said a number. First of all, she said, you are the most misplaced woman I have ever met in my life ever. I'm like, well, what? But I'm really good at my job, but I'm really good.

[00:13:15] And I'm really happy about it. I'm not, you know, and all of the things, all of the excuses I had made for doing the work, continuing to do the work that I was doing and not really digging deep and, owning the fact I could do much more. When you told me the number that you thought I should be making, I was like, is that a real number?

[00:13:37] Christy Rutherford: It was about five X. It was five X is what you're making right now that what you were making at the time, it was five X. We ain't gonna tell all your business cuz your family might be watching. And don't want people to call us and ask us for money. My name was five X.

[00:13:49] Kathy Wright: So what was.

[00:13:50] Christy Rutherford: So, you know, this is the thing, Kathy. I tell a lot of women, what their true value is. I don't care how much money you making. So you can be making 120. And these women are talking about these big raises and, they'll be like, well, I want 128, or I want 135. And I'm like, come on, man. Your value is so much greater than what you've owned for yourself.

[00:14:11] So. Why did you believe, did you believe me? Or what did you believe in that point, when I told you, one, that you ain't belong in nobody's school and I'm screaming in the phone because I'm a little dramatic. You nobody's school, but this is the thing being a principal is the pinnacle for a lot of people.

[00:14:32] I was like, you don't even belong there. You need to get outta there. We need to do some work first, but tell the viewers about when somebody challenges you because I challenge a lot of women, they get angry when I tell them that they could be better. They get angry that I tell them that they can double their income.

[00:14:49] I told you to choose your financial income and just blew holes in your whole reality of who you thought you should be. What are your thoughts around that?

[00:14:58] Kathy Wright: So I think we get super comfortable, right? As we check our boxes, We have all this anxiousness about, you know, making the steps in order, right.

[00:15:09] We've been sold this checklist of things that we're supposed to do. And as we do them and we get to the space where we think is the top is of what we're gonna do in this case, being a principal, you know, it gets comfortable, right? Because you've done all the things there's not much more to happen here, but this is a top.

[00:15:27] Right. But when someone challenges you and say, Hey, you know, that's not really as far as you can go and challenges you to really believe for greater, right. To come out of your safe, comfortable, anesthetized position. Right. And move somewhere where you can fully feel and fully be present and fully be actively moving towards greater for yourself and for your family and for your community.

[00:15:56] It was quite a challenge for me. I don't know if I was angry when you saidmit. But I was completely dumbfounded. I went and sat on my couch for like a half a day, like, for real? What do you see on me? But I mean, it was exactly that. It just was someone I won't say you whispered in my ear, I would say you would like.

[00:16:20] Girl in my ear that I needed to really reexamine where I was and what I thought I could be doing with my life. And pushing me towards doing the work of discovery towards that.

[00:16:34] Christy Rutherford: You know, I always tell people that the friend who will cuddle with you in your comfort zone, the friend who will give you some wine and come over and listen to the woe with me, in this moment.

[00:16:48] Right. That's your enemy, the friend, that'll be like, oh no, I'm hard. I'm a hard friend. You can imagine that. Does that make sense? I'm not the, my friends call me when they've reached the end of they rope and they know they need somebody to bust them in the head to give them the push to be greater.

[00:17:05] That's when they call me, my phone does not ring that often, which I love and is by design, but I'm always pushing people to be greater and we become so comfortable with allowing people to agree with us, that in our complacency and in our comfortability, as opposed to saying that, you know what you could actually be graded for that because then you're creating conflict in friendship.

[00:17:34] So what's the difference between how you show up now with your friends. Right. And then we're we gonna get here? We're moving. Y'all we're moving. Y'all we got like another 30 minutes. How you show up now with your friends and compared to how you used to show up?

[00:17:51] Kathy Wright: I think, historically have been with my friends is someone who was a listener. I've always been an empath, I have given up all of my empaths away, but I would deeply like involve my emotions and start to take on the energy of other people. Good, bad, and different. I would take on that energy because I was just trying to connect with them and trying to ensure that they were okay.

[00:18:16] And was like really, you know, becoming a sacrificial lamb and every relationship I was in, you know, just giving up myself, trying to make sure that everybody was okay. And what I found was just like they say, when you board an airplane, you gotta put your oxygen mask on first, before you try to give everybody else next to you, some oxygen. Right?

[00:18:39] And so it became really important for me to really figure out right. Because I had lost that. I had to figure out what it was that I needed to feel my cup right. To make me feel more in tune. More aligned with the work that I wanted to do next and have it informed how I showed up.

[00:19:00] So now it's not that I don't love my friends. It's not that I don't show up for my friends, but I always make sure that I am first taken care of self, so that I can show up as a whole complete person and not someone who is just taking on all of their energies, trying to fix them.

[00:19:21] Christy Rutherford: That's good. We're gonna talk about you filling your cup because here's the thing we're walking around. Always say like human trash cans. You call me talk about your problems for 30 minutes. Then I talk about my problems and we both get on the phone say and drink liqour and eat fried food.

[00:19:37] Kathy Wright: Ding, ding ding, ding!

[00:19:39] Christy Rutherford: Wine is liqour, I don't care, they be like, well, Jesus, turn water into wine. I don't care. You're getting numb for some reason, does that make sense?

[00:19:50] And we've learned how to trade our trauma and our drama and our stories of how much we hate our lives, but we don't challenge each other to be greater. And when I left my career, oh, they talked about me.

[00:20:00] They still talk about me by the way. Because I did something different. I didn't go get on anti-anxiety medication. I didn't continue to drink a fifth of liquor every night. I was drinking wine cause they said wine is good for you. I didn't want to numb the best parts of my life anymore. So I resigned and left.

[00:20:16] Completely different story, but we're always walking around with a depleted cup, waiting for somebody to pour on us. Because women in leadership, we pour pour, pour, give, give, give, do, do do. And we never stopped to fill our cup, but we wait Kathy for somebody to turn around and pour into us at the same rate that we pour into them.

[00:20:41] So what were some of the things that you did, you know, specifically for the viewers and the listeners? What are three things that you did to pour into your cup?

[00:20:52] Kathy Wright: Well, I first had to really get honest with myself about traumas and dramas and anything from my past that was left unhealed, I really had to go there.

[00:21:07] I did not have you know, a real troubled childhood, but there were definitely things that happened that I did not really do the analysis on, that I really didn't do the healing on and that were showing up in my adult life as triggers. So I had to do that work. I had to do a lot of work around forgiveness.

[00:21:29] I had to do work around forgiving myself for showing up in spaces, the way that I did at some points in my life, I had to forgive other people in my life for showing up the way that they did and how they made me feel. And just going through that process was one of the most transformational things I was able to do.

[00:21:52] The power of forgiveness or even the small things is absolutely life changing. I remember something happened after I had gone through this process or midway through the process and it was related to my work life and something happened and somebody said something really offkey.

[00:22:13] And before they finished saying it, I was already in a space of forgiving. And so, you know, it just truly transformed the way I even responded. And how I continued to be in relationship with that person. So that was probably the number two thing that I did. The number three thing I did probably would be.

[00:22:35] The combination of journaling and doing affirmations you know, initially, you know, I've been a vision board girl for several years and you know, I always thought, well, you know, I'll do this vision board and it'll be amazing. And I put it up for January and February.

[00:22:51] It's on the table, you know, is a table hall. Right. But affirmations require you to do more than that, right? Not just visualize and say, this is what you wanna do, but to remind your soul daily, you have some commitments that you've made to yourself about how you're going to be, and what's going to be next for you affirming that you're healthy and that you're kind, and that you're loved.

[00:23:19] And uniquely made and your God's perfect child. All of those things are important for you to remember. Because things still get hard sometimes right. But affirmations and being reflective in terms of writing in your journal are things that will help you remember to get recentered and focused on where you say you want to go and be greater.

[00:23:46] Christy Rutherford: That's good. I took notes. I hope y'all taking notes. Got mine right here. So you said something about triggers, right? And I've heard somebody say triggers are excuses. And I'm like, oh no, you don't understand. There is so much magic in a trigger. And typically, and you said, you know, past some of the things that happened in the past that were left unhealed.

[00:24:11] So it's almost like a beasting that never healed that you never took the stinger out and you're walking around with it. And the next person that touches it adds to the pain that you're already experiencing. So, y'all see, I'm getting loud. I talk loud. I get excited, but this is the thing. Most people, the person that you hate the most at your job, the boss that you can't stand the most at your job.

[00:24:37] The petty coworker that you can't stand the most is someone who's triggering and touching a beast thing from the past. It has nothing to do with that person. So we had women who were blinded by rage. Who are blinded by this person is holding me down and I'm like, no, that was your mama or your father or somebody in your family that did something that they're now reminding you.

[00:25:04] So what are you know, you, ain't gotta dig deep and this is unscripted. So Kathy, I hope you're really ready. What was, you know, you talked about the forgiveness, like what was a situation where, you know, you forgave somebody and then something happened and then you were like, wow, this forgiveness thing works because hurting people, hurt people.

[00:25:22] Does that make sense? Like, so we're walking around with all these buttons on us and people just punching your buttons all day and you pissed off and drinking at night, or you're in a wall with me story because you have 30 buttons. So is it the people or is it that you're walking around with 30 buttons?

[00:25:39] Kathy Wright: It's because you're walking around with 30 buttons. Right. And so I didn't even know I had a button. I didn't even know I had a button. I'm like, you know, I'm good. I'm tough, Right. But what I figured out in the process was, I remembered back when, I was always a really smart kid, right? Like, that was my thing. You know, it's being a smart kid in the class, all of those things.

[00:26:02] And so, there was a nickname that my cousins used to call me, you know, Miss. Know it All, cuz I was a fact machine. I was walking around little jeopardy contested at summit. Right. And so, but that was my thing and I kind of built my personality. I kind of built my reputation around being someone who is intelligent and had the you know, just had all of these little facts and figures in their head that they could just step out at any moment.

[00:26:27] And so how it manifests though? As a trigger for me as an adult is when that was challenged. When that identity became challenged. When people would question my authority or question, whether I really understood the issue or you know, I would find myself like, Almost burning, like how dare they ask me?

[00:26:48] You know? And so, but in the work though, and doing the work, I realized that, that is why I would get so angry or would be upset. But I would be nice nasty. I was, you know, I would be nicety. Right. But internally it would be something that would really be bothering me. And until I healed that part of myself, until I allowed myself to be vulnerable in the space around, you know, how intelligent I was or, all of those different kind of things, and really acknowledge the fact, you know, that I didn't have to be her.

[00:27:22] I didn't have to be seven year old jeopardy contestant in every conversation, you know, and I could allow them to question and not feel offended. So when that started to happen, then I knew the forgiveness work and the real work of like introspection and, being reflective was really, really working and making a change in me.

[00:27:48] Christy Rutherford: Thank you. Thank you. Well, I love all the comments y'all so we got 30 button triggers. Yep. Eric said the boss that gets on your nerve is building your character, building your strength and pushing you into your destiny and calling. Yeah. But right. Cause when you on fire, it sounds great. And we get it Eric, because we're where we are right now.

[00:28:08] But when you're in H E L L I ain't gonna cuss cuz my mama might be watching. But when you in H E L L, cause somebody would've told me that when my boss was getting on my nerves, I would've been like, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, gimme something else, but it's true. But that trigger is really because in order to get to the next level where your soul wants you to be in order to get to the next level of freedom, you gotta heal some stuff from the past.

[00:28:32] And the trigger is showing you what is the unhealed stuff that you need? The anger that you're experiencing is what do I need to heal in order to get to the next level of joy? So talk to us about when you choose and always say it only takes one person to get heal and hold to set their family free for generations, right?

[00:28:56] It only takes one person crazy enough to go out and do the work in order to set their family free. So you know I always have my favorite story between and your husband, but you know, talk to us about that.

[00:29:08] Kathy Wright: It's fine. I can tell that.

[00:29:11] Christy Rutherford: I love it. I love it. But tell the viewers about, and the listeners about, you know, when you're changing your transforming, you know, how that shows up for other people that's in your house, cuz you're married with kids. So you know, the good and the interesting.

[00:29:27] Kathy Wright: Well, you know, the great thing that God gave me was a great husband, a great spouse, someone who was understanding and allows me to just be who I am through all my ups and downs. He's just been a great partner. But in the process, right of going through, trying to like cycle back through my life and figure out what my triggers were trying to understand what parts of me I had not confronted before.

[00:29:55] What things were triggering me. I had an epiphany. And it happened about two o'clock in the morning and I nudged him and woke him up and cussed him out for a whole hour. And then I went to sleep.

[00:30:12] It was absolutely me, I don't know if he was really awake the whole time, but the point was is that I just, you know, I had discovered so many things. I had been thinking about it and had moved into my dreams and I just had to get it out and share with him the breakthroughs and, what I was finally free of and what I was mad I had been holding on for so long about and sad.

[00:30:38] I'm like, I can't believe I wasted much time. You know, it was absolutely a freeing conversation. It just happened to be in the middle of the night at two o'clock in the morning.

[00:30:50] Christy Rutherford: So, here's the thing, right? Like, Napoleon Hill said, if I had the courage to look in the mirror and see myself as I truly am, here's one of my favorite quotes, then I will find out what is wrong with me and fix it as opposed to building an alibi, to cover my misfortunes.

[00:31:05] So sometimes when we stop long enough, Kathy, which is what the work is like, what is the truth? You're lying to yourself all day, every day. You happy not you when you like, a lot of people are lying. I'm happy, I'm paid, I'm this. And you're actually miserable. But on Instagram, you know, on Facebook, your saying I'm happy.

[00:31:27] I'm always like people who happy don't post that they're happy every day. You just are happy. So we're walking around, lying to other people and lying to ourselves. But he said, if I had the courage, the courage to look in the mirror and see myself as I truly am, not who I'm pretending to be, not who my position says that I should be, not who me checking all the boxes told me how I should feel.

[00:31:54] And that's when the real work begins, because now you're starting to see the truth. And then it's like this. Holy S H I T moment. Oh my God. How did I get here? But this is the thing, ladies and gentlemen, let's start there. Cause that's what the truth is. You lying now, when you see the truth, now you can fix it as opposed to building alibis to cover my misfortune.

[00:32:16] So what are your thoughts on, you know, seeing the truth and then you walk up and cussing your husband out and, then what what?

[00:32:25] Kathy Wright: You know, it's just thinking about where you said about the Instagram post, you know, and so often, and, I love posting on Instagram and posting cute pictures, but I did start to wonder, like, who is she?

[00:32:39] You know, prior to all of this work that I've done you know, post pandemic working with you and through the coaching, like who was she? Like, I don't know, I think I was smiling on, you know, that was my real smile. Now I know it's my real smile. Like, you know and now I know that I'm really showing up authentically in all of the spaces that I'm in.

[00:33:02] And it's not just me telling myself a story about this should be making me happy, or this is what it looks like to be happy. Like I'm actually happy. I'm actually have released myself from the bondage of pretending that everything is okay when it's not always okay.

[00:33:22] That pretending that, you know, I'm satisfied with whatever the work is or whatever the salary is knowing in my heart of hearts that God is pushing me to greater. And that I haven't really leaned in that space because it's scary. It's scary to go into this unknown space and create a new path when it's never been done before.

[00:33:44] Right. When your family is used to you doing certain things, and everybody kind of goes this way, and this is how it turns out. And this, you know, you've hit the top of whatever ladder you think you're supposed to hit. And you actually feel like there's a whole another ladder, as a matter of fact it's not even, it's a whole another land.

[00:34:03] It's a whole nother space over here that you can go to, but you haven't even allowed yourself to really see. And so it's been absolutely freeing for me to break the ideas that I had in my own head about what I can do and who I could become. Absolutely freeing.

[00:34:25] Christy Rutherford: You know, I have this analogy where I talk about how, and you talked about forgiveness earlier, then you said, create a new path.

[00:34:31] We spend our time trying to piece together the pieces of a broken pass. It is almost like trying to piece together vase that breaks. Like I almost broke this lamp. I was trying to move the table to get set up that lamp would've broke.

[00:34:45] I could spend forever with the gorilla glue, trying to put the pieces together of my broken past and is never going to be perfect.

[00:34:53] We're never gonna go with small pieces that go, you know, under the table and, try to put those together with some tweezers or whatever, as opposed to coming over here and say, you know what, I'm going to stop trying to shoot it woulda coulda. Because that's what we do. If I would've did this, I would've did this.

[00:35:10] If I would went, if I would've gone to this school, then I would be further ahead right now. If I, you know, even though I'm a principal, which is great, I know with everything that I have in my being that I should be doing something different. So I'm gonna come over here and get on the potter's wheel. Y'all know I'm a prosperity preacher, but come over here.

[00:35:28] And I'm gonna put some clay down and I'm now going to create and mold consciously the life that I want. And that's the thing is that we're living unconsciously and we're doing what people told us that we should do to get happy and successful. And we miserable got all the boxes checked. You be like this and it don't feel now consciously coming over and saying, you know what, I'm now gonna create the new life that I want.

[00:35:53] So what does that look like for you? You know, and now creating your reality and creating the life that you want?

[00:36:01] Kathy Wright: Well, I decided, and I love this saying, you introduced it to me and I believe it's a Napoleon Hill saying, you can continue to sip vinegar and act like it's wine. Right. Or for me, you can decide that you're really gonna have wine. Right. And so I decided to no longer be anesthetized into thinking that things were great and things were the best that they could be. And I leaned in and I chose me. And I decided that I was gonna make a shift and I was going to open my own consulting and coaching firm.

[00:36:40] I work with schools and school districts and it is given me the freedom that I was looking for is given me more joy than I thought was possible. It's given me me more financial freedom than I could ever make. But when I allowed myself to be vulnerable to me. And my dreams and my, and my goals, and to allow myself to think outside of what was the path that is normally laid for me and any other person in a likewise position, to think, to dream bigger, to believe bigger, to know that there is greater available to me.

[00:37:21] So it's been absolutely the best ride of my life. I left my traditional work at the end of June and I haven't looked back .

[00:37:32] Christy Rutherford: So, you know, I always say, sometimes we work for a check, right? Praise the Lord. I left my good check, but whenever you're an alignment, ladies and gentlemen, with who you know you're supposed to be with being happy and, having joy and stepping out not a risk.

[00:37:54] But stepping out by owning yourself first and doing the work first, then that's when provision comes in. That's when the real fun begins because you love doing what you're doing and God will provide for you greatly, abundantly, like all you can ask or think. So she said is more than I thought. So it's, you know, I was right on my number.

[00:38:19] Kathy Wright: You were right on your number.

[00:38:22] Christy Rutherford: I was right.

[00:38:23] Kathy Wright: I didn't even think that was a real number. I was like, she is messing with me today, but it was a real number, but the thing about the number and the thing about pushing people to dream bigger and to have a Higher expectations for finances, et cetera, is just, you know, sometimes that's the first time you've ever been challenged that way.

[00:38:42] That's the first time anybody's ever challenged me on the potential that I had, because I had already done the roadmap, right. I had already like, then all of the places on a monopoly board, you know, boards become what it become right? And so, once you get to the the end of the game, that's the end of the game and you think that's it. Right?

[00:39:09] But there's really, there's a whole another level to the game. There's a whole another level to life that you have to access, but you can't get there unless you allow yourself to be open, to be vulnerable to your own needs, wants, and desires, be willing to move away. A lot of the clutter that you closed your mind with over the years, the beliefs that other people have put on your brain and put on your heart and made belief that this is all there was, and there's so much greater. There's so much greater.

[00:39:43] Christy Rutherford: What advice do you have for the viewers and the listeners on how to believe that they can be greater, right? Like, you know, how to give themselves permission to be great. We don't, I ask people, give me your dream. I'm the fairy godmother. You know me, I'm the fairy godmother from Wakanda and I weighed my vibrated wand.

[00:40:11] I'm gonna grant you three wishes. Women be like a better job, peace. And I'm like, I'm the godmother. Like, I'm the fairy godmother, I'm going to grand you a drea, and you're dreaming about a job? So what is the difference between your lifestyle now and what it used to be? How many hours you work now versus what you used to be? Because it's the total life that we're going after, not just this job thing.

[00:40:35] Kathy Wright: Right, right. So, you know, it was a decision I had to choose me and I had to choose to be more free. And it's not that I wasn't happy in my previous work. And it wasn't that I wasn't fulfilled, but I wasn't fully free. You know, if you are like, I was like a lot of women, like, you know, your wife, a mother, a friend, you know, all of the things, you're doing all of the things for all of these people and it's 24/7.

[00:41:05] Right. And you find very little time for yourself and in some instances. And so what I was looking for was to be less involved with the things that were not about uplifting me and to get more involved with centering on what God would have me to do, who God would have me to be and being fully that.

[00:41:27] And so that means I had to give up, I could no longer stay 24/7 available to everybody else. And so I made a shift from the role I was in. And again, I decided to go out on my own and you know, God is faithful. And so, you know, I haven't missed any money. As a matter of fact, I've doubled the amount of money that I was making previously in this amount of time instead of this amount of time.

[00:42:02] Christy Rutherford: Okay, last question. And if y'all have any questions, y'all can post them in the comment box, we would love to answer your questions. We got about three more minutes, but let us know what your questions are. All right, Kathy, if a woman was thinking I'm so far in hell, if my mama watching, forgive me, like I'm too far gone to be saved, right?

[00:42:30] Like, the woman who said happiness is a moment. What advice do you have? Because always say you're not as far away from what you want as you think you are. We have everything, Kathy. It's just not spelling the right thing. You already got the ABC blocks. You're just not spelling what you want because you're allowing life to give you what you want or you're allowing other people to design your life for you.

[00:42:59] So what advice do you have for the woman who's like at her wits in you know, and thinking that her life can't be different, what would you have, you know, like what's one or two action steps that you would have her take to change where she is right now?

[00:43:14] Kathy Wright: Well, I would tell them to not embrace the lie. Don't embrace the myth that's been told to us for centuries and centuries about who we should be and how our life should look, right? You can design a new path. You can lean in and really focus on what you truly want. You gotta get clear. It's a mindset shift though, it's a mindset shift because you gotta release yourself from the bondage of believing that this can only happen for certain people and that could never happen for me.

[00:43:50] And you gotta release yourself of all of those things. And it's a lot of hard work, because the story that has been told has been long, has been historically told as part of the narrative of being who we are, especially as women. So you have to be willing to give up the fairy tale. To give up the mythology, to give up all of those stories and to create something totally new.

[00:44:22] And that means you have to get clear about what you want and that takes work and support. It means that you will have to do more meditation. It means that you'll have to do more reflective writing and journaling so that you can get clear about how you wanna show up going forward. But it is very, very possible.

[00:44:46] Christy Rutherford: So one comment that somebody just made Douglas, thank you so much for your comment. He says, are we aware of the cognitive bias study release earlier this year? Right.

[00:44:55] And so I had somebody get in my inbox and told me that none of my stuff that I say is based on data and facts. It ain't true. And I let him have it. Get your petty self out my inbox, you know, I create my own reality and then I had to delete it. I didn't say I never said that I was perfect. Now he didn't get it. Cuz he was going to get it right.

[00:45:17] Now, this is the thing we can believe what data says about us or, we can believe what God says about us because how I feel about my self conflicts what you told me I should be. How I feel about myself and the results that I'm gonna have in my life is gonna conflict with what McKenzie in the women in the workplace study said, we create our own reality and no, I'm not gonna read a study to justify the limited vision that I have of myself.

[00:45:43] I'm gonna read the Bible and then create a greater vision for myself. So I went there. I do appreciate your question though, Douglas, but no, I didn't read the cognitive basis study because I believe we know how our soul and our inner being wants to feel. And the last question, Kathy, I promise you we'll go in because I have a lot of women who base their limited perspective and their vision off of what data told them.

[00:46:15] What are your thoughts on that? Like, because data would've told you as an educator, you couldn't be financially where you are right now.

[00:46:24] Kathy Wright: Yeah, I'm her. I was the one that really believed in those. And I understand, you know, research and all of that. But where research can't define and it can't go is in the minds and the hearts of what we really want as people. I think you know, historically the narrative is played out, right.

[00:46:47] You know, especially for black women, the most educated, you know, we got the most degrees. We are doing all of these big things and we're still not paid what we should be paid. I mean, and so that has continued to play out and what Christy is saying, and what I'm saying is that you can challenge that, we no longer have to play that song.

[00:47:12] We no longer have to let that be, what we allow to happen to us. I think, you know, we feel like we gotta play a game a certain way because otherwise we won't be accepted and all of that is not going to get us any further than where we are now, not to say that we haven't made huge strides and we're not doing well.

[00:47:33] That's not what I mean, but if you're really, really leaning in and doing what God would want you to do, which your heart is telling you to do, those little taps on the shoulder, those little pools at your heart. That's not your imagination. It absolutely. I believe is God connecting with us and telling us that we should be doing more.

[00:47:56] We could be doing greater and that we need to trust that we have the answers that we can find the answers for ourselves and make a completely better, greater life and outcomes for ourselves and our families and our communities.

[00:48:11] Christy Rutherford: Woo. Well, thank you so much, Kathy. We took y'all to church on a Friday afternoon. So again, Christy Rutherford. Kathy, thank you so much for sharing your insight and your wisdom. You can get my free case study at ChangeNowWithChristy.com. Y'all can also join us tomorrow for the Superpower Method Virtual Experience, it is going to be amazing. So you can go to, TheSuperpowerMethod.com or whenever you can go to ChangeNowWithChristy.com, we can send the information.

[00:48:38] So, all right, ladies and gentlemen, so we're gonna do this every Friday. They finally pin me down long enough to be consistent in the Bahamas. So take care, everyone have a great weekend. God bless.

[00:48:48] Thank you for joining us. Be sure to subscribe to this podcast and leave us a review, if you love this episode, follow Christy on Instagram and LinkedIn.

[00:48:58] And don't forget to get her free gift by texting "ChangeNow" all one word again, "ChangeNow" to 66866. Until next time go out and win bigger.