Imposter syndrome, is it even a thing, or is it something we've all made up? If it's real, how do women deal with it? I went into this episode as I did for the previous one on leadership styles with a hypothesis. In that one, I wanted to know if there were truly styles that are unique to women. And the response to my surprise was a resounding, yes. I was right. But I wasn't sure imposter syndrome is really a thing.

However, as you'll hear in this episode, the response, to my sad surprise, was a resounding yes. It's much more common than I thought.

I’m Samantha Hartley of Profitable Joyful Consulting. This is part five of my six part series, The Feminine Advantage. So far, we've talked about leaning into our feminine qualities, balancing them with the masculine, communicating effectively in high stress situations, leadership styles, and more. I'll link to all those episodes in the show notes.

So those were all issues that affect women uniquely, differently. And I wanted to explore how. Today I'm discussing the workplace cultural phenomenon known as imposter syndrome – what it is, why it happens, and how to deal with it.

Once again, in this series, we hear from the legendary Maya Angelou. She said, “I've written 11 books, but each time I think,” Uh oh, they're gonna find out now. I've run a game on everybody, and they're going to find me out.” Maya Angelou, the poet, memoirist, and civil rights activist, medal of honor winner, admitted that even she, with all her accomplishments, felt like an imposter. If she felt that way, is it any wonder that so many of us do too?

For this episode I spoke with several clients and colleagues to uncover how they've experienced and dealt with imposter syndrome. My hope is that you'll recognize yourself in some, find comfort in our shared struggles, and feel encouraged to think differently about yourself and your work. I'll share a coaching question, a journal prompt and some affirmations at the end to get you started, so stick around for actionable tips you can use today.

Let’s kick this off with some perspective. Kara Levy, commucinations and leadership coach to c-suite executives offers this:

Kara: Imposter syndrome is kind of a problematic moniker to begin with. The concept development of imposter syndrome in the 1970s completely excluded the effects of systemic racism and classism and xenophobia, and it sort of pathologized this very universal feeling of discomfort or second guessing ourselves that I think a lot of us have.

Pathologized it! We were made to feel our lack of confidence was abnormal. Christopher Carrick, a spiritual director and a mindset coach who works with my clients and me, added this:

Christopher: As far as my experience goes with imposter complex, there are two things that really stand out to me, especially for women entrepreneurs. The first is that it's a result of having entered a masculine-dominated environment that doesn't want you there. It's women trying to take responsibility for having been invalidated. So they enter this environment that's competitive, unsupported, aggressive, unsafe, and where they're told that they have to compete as men, and then they're criticized and rejected for exhibiting masculine qualities. So it's really a no win.

The sad part is that the women are, are turning it on themselves instead of recognizing the underlying and often overt message here is, we don't want you here go away. No matter what you do, we're going to find fault with it. But you are, you are left to confront your inadequacy.

Well, no freaking wonder women and people of color have had such a hard time! The messages they got back then and that many of us still get: You don't look like us. You don't behave like us. You're not one of us. And when they felt insecure, those organizations said, it's in your head. It's your problem. That's on you.

As a mindset coach, Christopher has worked extensively with my clients (and me, he’s my husband) on overcoming many limiting beliefs and sometimes imposter syndrome.

Christopher: One thing I think it's really interesting to keep in mind is that apparently amongst high-level CEOs and executives, those who coach them report that imposter complex is the number one problem that they feel they suffer from. So it's not uncommon at all, and it's not as if super successful people are immune from it. In fact, it kind of explains why sociopaths do so well in powerful positions, because they don't have any of those concerns.

Here, Christopher is referencing two studies. The first that CEOs have imposter syndrome. In fact, in a new study by KornFerry from June of 2024, 71 percent of US CEOs reported experiencing imposter syndrome.

Do you feel better now?

This also points to the factors that can cause Imposter syndrome, like unrealistic goals (such as the ones expected by the stock market) and perfectionism and similar unhealthy standards. If we have unrealistic expectations of ourselves and others, we’ll always be coming up short. You’re not going to be an expert on day 1.

The other comment Christopher made about sociopaths is one of his favorite references - bc so many businesspeople (and society in general) hold CEOs as a gold standard, and he’s like “some of htem are deeply unhealthy people and not good role models!” A study that was done in 2016 says about 21% of CEOs are sociopaths or psychopaths. They exhibit traits like a lack of empathy, being manipulative, a high tolerance for risk. And it doesn't necessarily mean that all CEOs are dangerous, of course, but it shows you that ruthlessness is often mistaken for strong leadership. And if you're like me, you may have found yourself working for a sociopath or a psychopath back in your corporate days.

The first time I remember experiencing imposter syndrome. I was sitting with my friend, Ginny who worked for the international ad agency McCann Erickson and I was her client at Coca Cola in Russia. One day, while we were waiting for everyone to arrive at our meeting, we were just sitting there, just two twenty-somethings dressed up in our work suits. We had this moment when we we kind of looked in each other's eyes, and it just, I felt the absurdity of the moment. We felt like 13-year-old girls playing dress up and the idea that everybody was like looking at us and taking us seriously when we were talking about these big business ideas made us burst into giggles.

The second time I experienced it was when I first left corporate. As you may remember, I took a year off at first and my plan was to recover from burnout and then find a position at one of these up and coming companies out there, you know, like amazon.com or something. But after a while, my former colleagues started to call me about consulting work and I just sort of fell into that.

But when it was time to put out my shingle for real and make a website with messaging, that's when I really hit the imposter part. The idea that I could make claims about getting results for clients seemed a bit far-fetched since I was so new. Even when I used the word brand, I just felt so pretentious.

I imagined, all those guys back at corporate, my bosses, peers, standing around the water cooler, heads thrown back in laughter, slapping their knees and saying, “Who's doing brand consulting? Samantha Hartley, the one from the cubicle on the 12th floor? What does she think she knows about brand marketing?”

I spent the early years of my business building my skills and, as I did, my confidence grew. So I really don't experience imposter complex ever anymore. And I'd kind of forgotten about it as a thing until recently.

My client Leslie, an agency founder, has a similar story.

Leslie: I've experienced for sure. I remember when I left corporate, went out, uh, went onto my own business. There was sort of this feeling like, Oh, why do I think I can do this? Right? Like all of these other people that I have learned from could do this. And then I was like, And I'm like, well, they're not me. They don't want to do it or else they would. And I'm like, I'm just gonna, you know, I'm going to go for it.

So that was when I had like no work experience working for myself and all the experience in corporate. And now like those years are starting to even out. So like there's less of that imposter syndrome because I don't now come across a client where for the most part where I'm really out of my depth and I don't know what kind of a dynamic this is or what services they want or any of that. Like I'm a lot more confident now. So no, I don't anymore.

Even when she’s having a hard time with clients or going through challenges, Leslie is very confident in her work. When I’ve seen her do something new, she may be new to it, but she doesn’t feel like she shouldnt be doing it.

I want to hear now from Bofta Yimam. She's the founder and CEO of StoryLede, a keynote speaker and a very successfu business woman, Emmy Award and Edward R. Murrow award-winning journalist, and I'm sure when people see her on stage, they would be shocked to hear what she's about to say,

Bofta: I immediately thought to an experience I recently had, and I don't think I get imposter syndrome all the time, but was going after something new. You know, RFPs in a different sector. I have no idea what I'm doing. Zero. I have to become a student again and go through it and learn and dedicate time to this thing.

Adn I looked at the 150 pages of some RFP and I thought, I'm not doing this, like what? They're asking for this. I've never done that before. Why am I even sitting here trying to apply for it? So I started to get in my head and count myself out before even emailing them maybe to ask a clarifying question.There's a million things I could have done, reached out to an acquaintance who's done this before, or friend. But I immediately was like, whoa and I felt intimidated a a bit. It doesn't mean for me though, that I won't go after it, or maybe not that one, but maybe the next one. I think that's the difference.

I'm still going to figure this out because the father archetype will step in for me and I'll figure it out, but I can relate to feeling like there's a bunch of other companies that have done this for 10 years at this level, and that's what they're looking for. And just knocking myself out, I, I'm not sure if that counts as imposter syndrome, but I think it does.

What Bofta said here that I think is the most meaningful part is how asking for help or asking questions weren’t options in that state of overwhelm. Her words: “I have to become a student again and go through it and learn it and dedicate time to this thing.” So often. as professional women, we find ourselves in situations where there's a brand new thing and it feels so daunting and overwhelming. And we have to ask ourselves the question, do I really want to become a student again and learn all of this? Or is this not my area anymore? I’m speclaiizing in a particular are, and I’m not going ot try to be good at everything anymore.

Interestingly, I have a couple of clients who are going back to school, one for a master's and one for a doctorate. And I do think that we can be propelled forward by a sense of insecurity but also by feelings of curiosity and excitement.

I want us to hear next from Marcy Browe, my branding photographer, who’s also a keynote speaker. She was with us last week in the leadership episode. Here’s what Marcy notices in the women who come to her for photoshoots.

Marcy: Impostor syndrome comes up almost every time I talk with my clients because I'm constantly talking with people about how they want to show up. I talk with them about their personal brand. I think a lot of women are looking at other women in their industry that they feel are successful or at least putting themselves out there away, but because it looks that way online, and I think because we're comparing ourselves to other women, women tend to get imposter syndrome, and I hear it all the time.

They might not actually use the words imposter syndrome, but Samantha, I hear it almost every conversation I have with women. Because I'm speaking with women at a point in their careers or their business development, where they're really looking to put themselves out in a new way. Maybe they're launching something new, or they're adding new services, and they're hiring a photographer because they really want to step up their image, if you will. So with that comes a lot of imposter syndrome, because they think well, who am I to sell that coaching package or who am I to put this out there in the world? And you know, really, I can't stand the concept of fake it until you make it. Just be yourself.

I've talked in the past about the dangers of comparison, how comparison can be the thief of joy, but it can also be a motivator. I'll link to that episode in the show notes.

I want to go back to Bofta who makes exactly this point:

Bofta: When I first started out in business and I was in a room full of people making five 10X what I was making, I started to feel like, wow, it's really attainable. Wow, I can really do this. But at the same time, what is it they're doing or seeing or feeling or being that I'm not. So I think I felt a little bit of imposter syndrome in that room and, and probably a bit of jealousy, right? So like, what, what, what are they doing? It doesn't, I think, come up for me or I don't always acknowledge it, better yet, which is probably a good thing sometimes.

If you're looking at what someone else has done and you start to feel bad instead of inspired, that's the time to pull back and pause. Because you're running your own race. You're not in competition with anyone. Remember what’s important to you.

The HUGE benefit of self-employment is we dont have to tolerate a lot of the nonsense that we would in an organization. We can choose our own playing field - what niche, which service, which clients? And your own metrics. Multiple 6 figures or multiple 7? Build an empire or a lifestyle business.

But imposter syndrome still finds us here. I asked Leslie whether she felt or saw it used as a weapon against some women, projecting it onto them so that they start to feel bad about themselves.

Leslie: Definitely. As I have more and more experience in negotiating and conversations with all different types of people. Like when some people ask me questions like I do wonder, right? Like, how would a man internalize this? Or how would this be said to a man? So yeah, I think for sure, it's really good for the client a lot of times if you feel really small and that will reflect in your pricing and you know, so, yeah.

Women in business often face pushback from clients and potential clients, challenging their authority and expertise, questioning their value, in ways that they wouldn’t dare do with men. But sometimes we internalize that. Here's Marcy again.

Marcy: I feel like women tend to devalue the experience that's brought them to this point in life and I know in my own personal life, I just turned 49 this year, I can't wait to be 50 to be honest, because the older I get, the less I have imposter syndrome because I actually have confidence that I've been around the block. I have done it, I have beaten, I've gotten beat up and spit out. I've had successes. I've done so many things at this point in my life where I don't feel like I'm 25. So I just think the older we get and the more experience we get, that tends to erase imposter syndrome, but oh man, that is something that comes up over and over again with women that I talk to.

When Ginny and I were giggling in our big corporate suits, we were maybe 27. We didn't have a lot of experience in work or life (netiher authority nor expertise). I was managing a $10 million budget. I remember the Russian government changed the tax law, and my company ended up owing tens of thousands, maybe even hundreds of thousands. I don't really remember. All I remember is that I thought at first that it was my mistake and like covering missing money in a cash register that it would need to come out of my pocket. And I spent like a day kind of figuring out how I was gonna come up with that money on my own before I realized like, whatcha doing? This is nuts. It's the company's money. It wasn't your mistake. That is youth and inexperience.

And the more experience you have, the more confidence you'll have in your business and in yourself.

As they age, many women start to care so much less about what other people think. There's this wonderful freedom I've heard about from women in their 60s and 70s, that those decades as the best ones of their lives because they're finally at a point where they’re no longer controlled by what others think.

So what do we do about imposter syndrome? I want to reintroduce my colleague Jennifer Frye of Appreciated Asset Business Solutions, who's been in previous episodes in our series. I asked her about, as a successful businesswoman, do you experience imposter syndrome?

Jennifer: I think that if you're not feeling a little bit of imposter syndrome, you're not playing big enough. But I also think that you can overshoot your shot sometimes, and if you are really uncomfortable and like you really feel unprepared, that's different than imposter syndrome, right?

Like if you feel like this is not right for me, maybe it's more of an alignment issue than an imposter, because. When I do bigger and more exciting and more public, things in my business, louder things I guess, I never feel like I'm not supposed to be there, but I do feel the nerves. I think it is in Atomic habits. They talk about breadcrumbs of evidence. You know, I'm not a runner. And then you start running and now you've run, for the last couple months and all of a sudden you're a runner. Vecause before you had the evidence that you were not a runner, because guess what?

You weren't running and now you are. It's the same in your business. It's the same thing. So you've gotta create this breadcrumbs of evidence.

You want a good example? I always said I hated public speaking, hated it, and I still don't love it. I can do this all day long. I can be on the phone all day long, but put me in a room, man. Uh oh. It's awful for me. When I used to get up on stages, I was so over rehearsed and over prepared that it was like I would almost black out. But you start, you start somewhere, you start in front of five people and then you start in front of 10 people and then 20 people. But keep flexing the muscle so it gets less and less uncomfortable Now I still have a bit of like the blackout syndrome that happens, but I can be a bit more present. I can improvise. I can actually be funny up there and get people laughing without any practice. which is usually for the best, when you're trying to do the jokes. but yeah, I think that, imposter syndrome is you haven't proven to yourself that you can, so just prove it.

Breadcrumbs! I have talked in many past episodes that I will link to in the show notes about habits, I love habits. I just love the concept of working a little bit at a time to build up your skills, your habits, your credibility with yourself, and your confidence. One piece of this is about skills and the other half is the belief in yourself. Building the first is key to feeling the second.

In addition to “breadcrumbs of evidence.” Kara Levy has a powerful question we can ask ourselves.

Kara: One of the things that I think is important to remember is that feeling unsure doesn't make you an imposter. It's a feature, not a bug. So feeling unsure means that you're still curious. It means that you're still willing to dig for better, more effective, or more empathetic ways of doing things, and that's what actually makes you effective.

And also that confidence does not equal competence as we all know. So people who often show up with really high confidence aren't always the ones who have the highest competence. We often dig into this type of concept with respect to leadership presence because it comes up so often and one of the things we talk about is never that we'd wanna ask the question, what would an overconfident white man do? 'cause we don't wanna be overconfident white men. But rather, if you were the highest version of yourself that could hold boundaries that not only felt authentic and kind and generous to you, but that also created the most advantageous situation for everyone in the room, what would that version of yourself do?

A - I love that question. And B - Feeling unsure doesn’t make you an imposter, it means you’re curious. Don’t let anyone take your curiosity away from you and try to get you to trade it for certainty. Certainty is risky. Of all the feminine advantages, I value that women who access their feminine aspects are open-minded and curious.

My client Patty Lawrence, Founder & Consulting CFO of TurboExecs, has been with me a decade. Patty is a such a powerhouse, a competitive tennis player, mom of grown sons, a leader of a successful business. I asked her if IS was something made up to hold women back or a real thing.

Patty: Yeah, I think it's a real thing. Having gone through it, I see it as the, I can't, I can't do something and if you'll go back with me on the way back machine, I'll remind you that when I first showed up at your doorstep, I said, I'm an accountant. I can't sell. is it a limiting belief? Is it imposter syndrome? I think it's all of the above. Because that was real for me. That was a hundred percent real. I can't sell. And guess what? I'm starting this business. I'm starting out on my own, and I have to do that to be able to feed my kids. My kids, were still young at the time. I'm no longer working for the man. I'm in charge and. I gotta figure this out. So yeah, the training that you've given me, some of the, I'll call it the woo factor, as well, has allowed me to kind of pop out of that mindset.

Why can't you? Right? Who put that in your head? Why can't you? Sure you can. So why not try it? Why not practice it? Why not be curious? You can learn. It takes practice, right? Maybe it's conditioning. It's conditioning because of whatever baggage we have with us at the time. And things we haven't healed from when we were young, it's still with us.

Well we gotta work on that, right? Because yes, you can. You can with practice, you can do anything you want. I always tell my kids that. And when I would hear that in my own head, be like, wow, okay, you're telling them, but you need to hear that too.

There's a reason you're telling them that because you also needed to hear that, on loop in your head. Maybe you can go a little bit higher, right? Maybe you go a little bit higher after that. Maybe you go a little bit higher after that and just increment it. You, you don't go from zero to 60 overnight. It is not a flip of a switch. And, maybe some people can do that. For me personally, I'm better at the incremental because I just process things better that way and I feel like I can embody it, I can internalize it a lot easier when it's bite-sized pieces, rather than trying to eat that whole elephant all at once.

Bite-sized pieces from Patty. Breadcrumbs from Jennifer. I notice a theme…

Like many of my clients, Patty arrived as an expert in her field but not at growing a business. Believing she couldn’t sell. She felt like an imposter… but she was just new. I love that she shared that internal monologue about teaching her two sons: Wiith practice you can do anything you want. And sh’es like, “Well, I hear myself,I can do anything I want.”

Patty’s other point about baggage that we havent’ healed from when we were young reminds me of something else Christopher said he observes in people with imposter syndrome.

Christopher: The other way it comes up, and this is a little trickier, is it's kind of along the lines of We teach what we're trying to learn. I found so many people who have a particular, skill, talent, expertise. They developed it as a survival mechanism in childhood. So our particular skills and expertise are often shaped by early life struggles. You can imagine a, a child in a situation where they feel unsafe or unsupported where things don't make sense. We have to very quickly, develop adaptations To deal with a survival situation. And by survival I don't just mean your life. I mean, a situation where you aren't liked, loved, guided, all these things which, create a basic sense of being okay in your life. so in a way it's as though the universe has sent us on a path of developing the ability to handle a. These big problems, which will be in some sense our, mission in life later as an adult. The problem is that they developed at the level of consciousness of a child, So the skill they developed is something like the ability to access, risk or, protect and advocate for the innocent, to analyze and decode complicated situations to promote healing and harmony, to understand and create the elements of, of order and leadership. But. It happens prematurely. So the child knows they aren't ready for it and they have no choice, and that feeling follows forward.

So that child, part of you is still carrying that sense of, but I shouldn't be able to do this. I'm kind of getting away with it. There should be somebody else doing this. Sooner or later I'm gonna get exposed, I'm gonna get caught. I'm gonna get discredited so these, entrepreneurial skills Like teaching other people how to take charge, how to manage chaos, protecting and advocating for, those who need it, for the innocent, dealing with scarcity, demonstrating worthiness, promoting creativity and excellence. These are all consultant skills.

And you can hear how these are things that developed as a way to survive in childhood

“I've run a game on everybody,” Ms Angelou said, “and they're going to find me out.” Christopher has helped many of my clients realize the Child within, the archetypal inner child holds a lot of our talent and magic as professionals but too often we are not protecting that part. Those survival skills we developed in childhood are now unique gifts. With the guidance of our adult selves, we can use those talents in our work. If you’ve ever felt scared to go into a big meeting or cried during a confrontation or stressful situation, you likely experienced your inner child being put in a position alone where an adult (your adult self) was needed.

I see women calling this imposter syndrome, when what I believe is happening, is their unprotected inner child is sent off to a sales meeting or a business negotiation or a huge presentation where they felt vulnerable. They sent the wrong archetype or aspect of themselves. Child instead of Teacher, Advocate, Father, Queen. Of course they felt like imposters. How can a child be qualified? Put your adult self in charge. For more on this, refer to episode 2 in this series on accessing the masculine qualities in the Father archetype. And also, the one Christopher and I did about the Child Archetype.

And one last thing: if society is sending negative messages and everyone around you believes them, it will be hard for you to break free of that brainwashing. I frequently meet talented women who lack confidence because they don’t get validation. Find big mirrors: people who can reflect back to you the true magnitude of your gifts.

Conclusion: Moving Forward with Confidence

Key Takeaways:

As the successful businesswomen you’ve heard today show, It’s normal to feel self-doubt and insecurity, especially when you’re doing something new and out of your comfort zone. When you feel that way, recognize it as a common experience rather than a reflection of your true abilities.

By building your skills, you’ll also build your confidence. When you have credibility with yourself, you’ll notice others take you seriously as well. And if they don’t, find bigger mirrors.

Coaching Question: When you feel like an imposter, whose standards are you measuring yourself against, and are they realistic or fair?

Journal Prompt: Reflect on a skill you developed as a child to cope with challenging situations. How does that skill influence your current work or relationships? How can you reframe it to fully support your growth and confidence today?

My Personal Mantra: My mantra for when I’m out of my comfort zone and feeling like the slowest learner in the world, “I am doing something new.” Something’s not working? Mhmm I am doing something new. I can’t figure this out. “I am doing something new.” Everything's difficult, and I feel like an idiot? Mm-Hmm. “I am doing something new.” Give yourself grace.

When you’re in a place where you don’t see anyone else who looks like you, congratulations Trailblazer: you belong here.

We’ve covered a lot of territory, and I hope it’s given you new perspectives on this old idea we hear so much about. To find more tools for growing your consulting business, visit SamanthaHartley.com/Super. And with that, I’m wishing you a profitable and joyful consulting business.