Hey, you.

You're tuned in to the Skirts up show with Samantha and Melissa.

Join our mission to normalize failure, but still uncover the positives at every twist and turn.

Skirts up, but keep your panties on.

What's up, Skirts up squad?

It is Samantha and Melissa and Happy Late Ballers Day.

I guess that's right.

Wait, what?

I said I guess.

I thought you said yuck.

And I was like, fathers.

I knew.

I don't know if you guys saw, but I posted a reel.

So we.

I.

I was planning on making a Father's Day dinner for Simon and Andrew, and we're gonna have dinner together.

And I, you know, I don't cook.

I'm not good at it.

And I was like, the only thing that I'm good at making and know that, like, it won't be ruined is things in a crock pot.

But our crock pot is so small that, like, it hardly feeds, like, our family of five.

So how am I supposed to feed, like, three non stop eating males and, you know, just all this food?

And so I go, hey, Simon, you know what we really need for Father's Day?

A bigger crock pot.

So for Father's Day, I got a family big size crock pot.

I did see that.

That's awesome.

Oh, you know what's really funny, though?

After I posted that video, within five minutes, Simon sends me a reel over Facebook and he goes, oh, my God, someone else did that too.

Is it yours?

It was our reel.

I was like.

So I, I look.

I, like, looked.

Up and I was like, oh, is he joking?

I was like, did I spell something wrong or.

Why'd you send me my reel?

And he goes, what?

Real?

And I go, you.

You just sent me my reel.

He was like, oh, I didn't realize that was you.

Like, that is hilarious.

I'm actually gonna.

I'm actually gonna change my fail.

Okay, okay, this is, this is a spur of the moment.

It's not.

Well, no, it's not a fail.

I don't know, maybe I shouldn't.

Okay, whatever.

A funny story, okay?

Because you just reminded me of it.

So you guys know that Sam and I went to goat yoga the other night and they were awesome.

They, like, let us stand up and, like, do a little spiel at the.

End of the thing.

And we handed out because Sam was awesome and brought little goodie bags for everybody that was there all branded.

And it was a big head.

That's.

They were branded and they had our faces on the front, but it was, like kind of not glamour shots.

But it was like, cute shots of us.

And it was so funny because later that night, one of my friends who got a bag was like, you know what you guys should have done?

And I was like, what?

And he said, you guys should have put your.

A picture of your own faces on the bags.

I was like, wait, what?

And my other friend jumps in and goes, like, wait, what are you talking about?

And he goes, you know, instead of those pictures of those other girls.

I want to ask who, but I know you don't.

I will.

I'm not gonna say who, but I will.

I can tell you later.

But it was.

He goes, I was like, you mean.

These girls right here?

And I held it up next to me, and I was like, because this is me.

And he's like, oh.

Oh, my God, it's you guys.

I didn't.

I was like, well, to be fair, they're like, super cute pictures of us.

Oh, my God, that was so funny.

That is hilarious.

Yeah, that's not a fail on us.

No.

I thought I could look like that.

Every day, maybe, but that's not a fail.

That was one of my arguments to David was, yes, you know, yes, it makes us feel good, but it's not like anyone's following us around with this glam makeup and shit to make us feel like this every day.

So it's kind of hard to look at this photo and be like, yeah, that's me.

That's why I know I'm unrecognizable.

Just kidding.

It was hilarious.

I about died.

But anyway.

All right, do you want to share fails or what are you getting?

What were we thinking?

Yeah, I was just thinking.

I don't know.

The feel that came to mind when.

When we started recording was.

I don't.

Some of you might have saw on our Facebook page that I went to go do the beginning stages, the first recording part of the documentary that I'm working on called Keeping the Birds Warm.

I do need to keep all names and really a lot of it private until it goes through trial.

So not sharing that.

But I will say that the recordings and a lot of what is happening takes place in Cobb County.

So a very high traffic area where you have to get on all these freaking highways.

And I am not highway savvy.

And I literally, like, I was on the phone with my cousin and literally three times back to back to back.

I like it splits where it's like, oh, go this way, and you're on Highway 85.

But then you split this way and you're on Highway 75 or something.

And every time I take the wrong fucking split.

And so three times I have to.

And it adds 30 minutes every time.

You do this every time?

Yeah, it's a whole thing having to turn around, like, go to the next exit, get off.

So it's, like, not okay.

And so, yeah, Atlanta's height is a lot of people.

Yeah.

So I'm, like, in tears and shaking by time I get to the freaking courthouse, which, of course, I'm already nervous about that because I don't know what to expect when we get to the courthouse.

And you know, what exactly is going to come out of recording.

And so I'm already super nervous about that.

But now I'm, like, really shaking and really worked up because driving was such a fucking pain in the ass.

And that was just a fail.

Who takes the wrong exit three times in a row?

The same exit.

I've done it.

I've done it.

Okay.

For real.

Okay.

Well, at least it's not just me, but that sure.

Is stressful.

Felt dumb.

Uh, and I was, like an hour and a half late.

Maybe two hours.

Let's see.

No, it was an hour and a half late to when I said I was gonna meet them and start, you know, prepping everyone for recording sessions and stuff, but ended up working out anyways.

So I will say I was very stressed.

But it worked out anyways because I got there and still there was so much time left before, like, the big thing.

So good.

It worked out, but it was stressful and I took the wrong turn a gazillion times.

Yeah.

Do you think you took the second and third wrong turns because you were already stressed about the first one?

Oh, it's very possible, but honestly, I just.

I don't understand the splits.

Like, there's one part in Atlanta where it, like, it's three different highways and, like, one's going this way, one's going straight, one's going this way.

But then I feel like it's not very clear on which highway is which direction.

And I just don't think that that is my fault.

I think that whoever designed these highways are a idiot.

There it is.

You know, not taking blame is what I'm going to do.

I'm going to not take blame for dumb highways.

Oh, dear.

Yeah, no, it's.

It's definitely a lot going on down there.

Yeah.

I'm glad I don't live out there, but yay, me.

I get to do a lot of recording down there.

Do you think that they'll ever come up and Record with you, or is it because you're doing people, like, interviewing people that work at the court, in.

The court system, when it's things like bail and trial and things like.

Of course I'll be recording.

Yeah.

In court, but.

Yeah, that makes sense.

Yeah.

Oh, my goodness.

This is going to be so interesting.

I know.

It's definitely going to be a long haul, though, so don't hold your breath.

It could be five years before everything is said and done and, you know, before everything can start getting pasted.

So.

Yeah, that's okay.

That's okay.

Be a fun surprise.

You're in it for the long.

Yep, I like it.

What?

Failed.

All right.

Or was gonna say, you know who else is in it for the long haul?

That's what she said.

No, just kidding.

I was trying to transfer it to our episode, so.

Hon, I have to do something.

Okay.

I feel like.

Okay.

I gotta tell you just real quick.

So Emilia, she created this joke, like, a few months ago, and she goes, you know what?

Someone can never name their kid Ben Dover because Ben over.

Okay.

And then Simon calls me today.

He goes, I cannot take this person seriously.

His name has been Dover.

And I was like, no, shut up.

And he was like.

And I'm dead serious.

The guy's name is Benjamin Dover.

He goes by Ben Dover.

And I was like, that is hilarious.

That's a joke that my dad used to say all the time.

Are you serious?

Yep.

I thought Amelia made it up.

And I was like, who comes up with this?

And then, sure enough, there's somewhere named Ben Dover.

That's surprising.

I've actually never met one.

I've only heard my dad, like, joke.

About it, so that happened.

But anyways.

Well, my brother's name is.

One of.

My brother's name is Ben.

Yes.

Long haul.

The bent over long haul.

Now we're getting into the episode, and we want to.

Because she's awesome.

She's amazing.

She's so funny.

She's fun to talk to.

She's easy to talk to, too.

Yeah, it's great.

Yeah.

Because for me, sex talk has always been so uncomfortable and, like, embarrassing.

And just, like, we started talking to her, like, shit just started coming out.

And I was like, oh, okay.

I guess she made it fun, but she also made it, like, it's not.

You don't you know how sometimes we talk about sex and we all start giggling for, like, children?

But it wasn't like that.

She made it, like, totally normal, and I love that.

Yeah.

But she.

Yeah, she's pretty cool.

So much so if you guys saw on Facebook or Instagram, we have a Athena sex toy party with Lauren that you're about to meet on July 13th.

We will be doing it live and in person for anyone who wants to come join us at One Soul Studio.

So that's a perfect chance for you to come and tour the studio if you're nearby and would like to check out our friends at One Soul.

But then also join us live for the sex toy party.

But if you can't make it to Kennesaw and join us in the studio, then you can join virtually and it will be just as funny.

Lauren's great.

So, yes, join us for the sex party.

Yes.

It starts at.

Let me.

Let's see.

It starts.

We will be there doing behind the scenes starting at 7pm but you guys can join us live with Lauren starting at 8pm so get the kids to bed, get your choice of alcohol or non alcohol coffee, whatever.

And let's be silly and talk about dildos.

Or not.

I'm actually really excited.

Like, I need some good toys in my life.

Me too.

Yeah.

All right.

Do we want them to meet Lauren?

Of course we do.

Lauren, take it away.

All right, skirts up, squad.

We are so excited because today we have with us Lauren Goyet.

She is a.

She sells sex toys for the Athena's Home novelty company.

And I hope I got that right.

But she doesn't just sell sex toys.

No, she's apparently like the top in the nation for the company, which is really exciting.

But not even that she's a sex therapist.

Well, she's apparently since 2013, she's had.

She's been working in the field of sexual education, empowerment, and now she is on her way to becoming a sex therapist while working on your master's.

Is that correct?

All right.

It was a long road.

We got there.

Sounds fancy.

Let's get dirty.

Yes.

We're skirting on in.

So we're going to talk about a few things today, and I'm really excited.

So do you want to kind of.

Just give us like a little introduction.

Introduction history about yourself?

What got you started?

All the things.

So the things that got me started to become a certified sex relationship coach was, okay, I'm selling the tools, right?

The physical tool, the vibrators, the butt plugs, the rope, the blindfolds, all the things to enhance the romance.

But yet I noticed that that's not gonna fix everything, right?

Sometimes there's trust issues.

Sometimes there's a really hard time communicating, and sometimes what you don't know you don't know.

So you're like, oh, I don't know.

Why am I not good enough if you wanna bring a toy into the bedroom?

And then I obviously, I love education.

I love sex theories and.

Oh, I have all the books of all the famous sexologists.

And it's absolutely interesting.

There's so much to always mo.

Like, know more, can always learn more, and then you can implement what you learn.

And sex gets so much more interesting and beautiful.

It's like, you know, kind of priming your palette in a way.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

I can relate to.

But it's not about me today.

Well, that's hilarious because I can relate to the other side where it's like there.

So I grew up in a very, you know, sheltered environment and there were things that I didn't know existed until my late 20s, if that.

And I remember feeling really stupid sometimes and not wanting to ask.

But I think that that's when.

Why we have you today because.

Okay, I do have a funny.

Oh, tell me you're funny.

Okay, so I'm giving birth to, like, baby number three.

And so they're looking at, you know, the area.

And I thought that the.

That the.

The tube thing, the catheter.

I thought that where that goes and I thought that where you pee out of was the clitorius.

I thought that that was the urethra.

Oh, really?

Interesting.

Yeah.

So the truth comes out.

I did not learn the anatomy.

Anatomy until baby number three.

And that's fair.

Actually, that's a really good.

I wonder if that's normal.

Is that common?

That is very common.

I do believe so.

Really Thing that I actually love people to.

I do an exercise.

Here's the thing.

Have you ever held a mirror down there to look at your vagina when I.

When.

When my uterus was falling out?

Oh, yeah, I did because someone online told me I should.

It's like gorgeous.

It's just incredible.

And it's even better because it will change colors the more that you're turned on because the blood rushes down there goes.

Really?

No, I didn't do that.

Yes.

Oh, so we need to, like, watch the whole thing.

Yes.

If you can little Bring the mirror by the bedside.

Right.

Or the couch, wherever you are.

I just.

The thing is this education wasn't t also in a penis.

The urethra and the ejaculatory canal are the same exact thing.

It's the same tube.

So it's understandably maybe something that made sense, you know, you would think.

Yeah.

Clitoris is right above the Urethral tube.

That little bump.

That little bump.

That happy bump.

All right, well, now that we got my awkward.

Didn't know what a clitorius was.

That is okay.

And we all need somebody to talk to.

And that's the thing.

If you don't have anybody to ask these questions to know that I can be that for you.

I'm completely non judgmental and I have been that person for people for more than 15 years.

So please.

That's.

That's really.

Are you in.

Are you in a relationship?

I am.

I'm actually getting married in October.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

Thanks.

How does the partner feel about what you do?

He loves it.

He.

He's proud of me and the fact that he gets free toys to test because I need reviews.

Right.

I don't own a penis.

If I did, I would never leave the house.

But that's what I said.

I wish.

Right?

Like triathlons are fine.

You get like a little bit of that penis owning vibe, but not really.

But you can't really feel.

He.

He's really proud of me and I get to show him all these things I learned and we get to deepen our relationship as well.

The new things that I continue to learn.

And yeah, it's pretty cool.

We always get to activate new heights of pleasure together.

So it's really nice.

That's really.

That's really cool.

I wanted to ask her about.

You had mentioned earlier erotic energy.

And I was wondering.

I'm just going to put out my question.

Are you saying that all of us have a different type of energy and we're trying to like tap in and figure out what ours is or what are you saying when you're talking about erotic energy and why is it important?

We are all made of energy, right?

Sexual energy is the most powerful.

It's the most creative.

It's what makes life.

Right.

So you can actually use sexual energy to manifest.

It's called sex magic.

Very cool.

I have.

I am probably going to release a video on like a step by step on how to do that.

You're basically circulating the sexual energy through all of the chakras at the top of your head and manifesting your dreams plus having really good orgasms at the same time.

So there's actually.

When it comes to energy, it Energetic is actually one of five erotic blueprints.

So while all of you have energy and there's a way to exchange energy and be more conscious about it during sex, not everybody knows how to tap into it.

But if you're an energetic erotic blueprint Then you definitely know you like the look across the room, the teeth to, like, bring up the energy.

You like, like the really nice gazes.

The almost touched.

You want me to.

Yeah, the almost touch, Right.

Like the lip over the lip.

But you don't.

For real?

Yeah.

Do you want me to cover the five erotic blueprint?

I actually do.

I am really curious.

Like.

Like.

Yeah, tell us, because there's going to be all kinds of different women out here and men listening to the episode and.

Yeah, let's hear.

All right, so.

So the blueprint.

The five erotic blueprint was designed and created by Jaya.

She is a sexologist and author.

There's a fantastic book.

It's finding your erotic blueprint.

So there's five.

Usually you'll have a primary and a secondary.

You may be two out of five in that pool.

So the first one would be sexual.

This is very genital focus, Right.

Whether it's just really appreciative of the naked genitalia.

Straight to the point, Right?

Okay.

Booty, cheek, balls, anything.

You just.

You love the way the sexual organs look.

You love sex.

You like to watch the in and out.

Very visually and sexual.

Right?

Okay.

Then we have sensual.

Sensual, you think would be, you know, a little bit slower, a little bit softer.

But I want you to think of the five senses.

So you may want to light a candle.

You have that sense.

You may want to hear dirty talk or you may want to put earplugs in so everything else feels more heightened.

You may want to see certain things, like a nice fuzzy pillow.

You may want to be in, like, a silky robe.

You may want warm, warm massage oil, like the soy candles that melt on the body.

You want to play with ice.

You know, you have a couple things with that, and it's more of like a soft, gentle touch versus like a bang on the ass.

Okay.

Okay.

Then we have the energetic.

And this is all about feeling more than actual penetration.

You can actually have an energetic orgasm without penetration, without touching.

And with your clothes on, you can tap into all of the energy.

It's incredible.

Tell me.

But I have a question.

Are you saying that everybody has access to be able to understand each of these five blueprints?

Or are you saying some people may just kind of relate to one?

Some people may relate to one.

And some people actually may be the fifth one, which was shape shifter.

So it can be all of them to suit the partner's need, their, you know, sexual partner's needs, so they can fit into all of it and tap in.

Okay, sorry I interrupted You.

Because you were about to tell us about energetic.

And I'm really excited about this one.

No worries at all.

So energetic.

We like the build of anticipation, the tease across the room.

You can have mutual masturbation where you're not even touching each other.

You're just watching each other with the energy, too.

It's like you can feel more energy than some of the other blueprint.

I've always been an energetic person.

You can feel the energy shift when you walk into a room.

If you're one of those people, you're most likely energetic.

There's a lot of cheesing that you can utilize with this energy.

I have quartz on all of it as well.

Try out and see which one may be for you.

The fourth one is chinky.

So, my friends, I'm going to ask you both to cross your leg.

Oh, my leg is crossed.

They are crossed.

All right, now I'm going to have you listen to me, and I just want everybody to go ahead and focus on each of their faces and the.

Reactions that will happen after this on our faces.

Okay?

Go ahead and put your both feet on the floor like a good girl.

Ah.

Okay.

So you may be kinky if you liked that being.

Well, that.

Okay, she's good.

Kate.

Yes, Simon does call me a good girl, and it does get me revved.

You've already got it.

See, I.

I am.

I am energetic and kinky.

All right.

I'm also.

I can be a little bit of everything.

So I'm pretty sure I'm a shape shifter, as I've had many partners and they're all into different things and it's always really good.

So.

And the fact that you love that good girl, that's that psychologically kinky part.

Then you have the word and like that.

You know, the little dominant.

Yeah, right.

That's the fun stuff.

Then you have physically kinky with props, such as, okay, whips and stuff like that.

You want to get hit by a newspaper on a leash.

So those are two different.

The kinky is broken into two pieces.

Psychologically kinky with the good girl and stuff like that.

And then physical item prop.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

And your last.

So, yeah, Yeah, I think.

I think that's really funny.

So Simon and I kind of laugh.

And so this is.

All right, listeners.

You're going to get really deep into our sex life.

Just a little bit.

I'll try and keep it a little tame.

Mom, tune out.

So we laugh because we keep finding new ways to get me off.

And sometimes they are not even we could be kissing, and all of a sudden, oh, there she goes.

And I could be sucking a dick, and then all of a sudden, oh, there she goes.

And it's like, that's not normal.

Like, when you look at the statistics, you see that, like, they all say that most women need an only orgasm from, like, clitorial stimulation.

And so I'm like, oh, I'm the oddball over here.

Just squirting away.

Like, just, we need water sheets.

Like it's.

It's a whole thing.

And that's another controversial thing.

That's a question I have.

Then you raise a really important question.

Like, is that really a statistic or is that more of a.

Are a misnomer with the being able to have an orgasm without being touched by the clitoris?

The opposite.

Like, she was saying that most people need to have that clitoral stimulation.

If you Google it, that's what you see.

But I feel like that could be kind of a stereotype almost, because I'm.

I don't fit with that.

I don't.

Yeah.

And I'm wondering how many more people don't exactly.

Probably about 20 to 30% of vulva owners don't need to be touched.

So 70 to 80%.

These have been studies over the years.

70 to 80% of vulva owners need direct clitoral stimulation.

The clitoral 10,000 nerve ending is there for no other purpose except pleasure.

So please, everybody, DJ click.

Okay?

Please touch.

It's only different.

That goes back into my wooka wooka.

Yeah, like, perfect, right?

It's always popping 10am I'm just sitting on the bathroom.

Right?

So you just fall into the 20 to 30% that are able to have a different type of orgasm, which is in those nine types of orgasms.

Okay, So I feel like with that being said, that that would mean that the majority of our listeners could be like, you.

Like, what about me?

They could, but I.

They probably won't.

They're not.

That mean we have nice listeners.

I'm sorry, have you had an orgasm?

Because, like, I knew that other people were having orgasms, and I'm just sitting here like, what is this?

Like, I'd be pissed.

Like, I want what you have.

It is really uncertain why some people are able to have an orgasm with kissing, an orgasm with just nipple stimulation, an orgasm by just giving oral to somebody.

And you're not even being touched.

You are just in a different wavelength of sexual energy through your body.

So maybe you already have more sexual energy flowing at the will for you to Grab and have an orgasm.

Also, you could have the more really in tune feel with your partner.

You can be super turned on.

Not every, you know, as long as we, you know, can feel pleasure, that.

That's pretty important.

However you get there, the journey is going to be different for everybody.

Right, so what is the importance of these blueprints?

The importance of the blueprints is to tap into higher pleasure.

All right, so there's pros and cons of each.

But if you are, for example, a sexual blueprint, right.

You love to just see sex.

You can, you know, implement new types of porn, right.

Get a giant tv, do it up right.

You could go to sex clubs and watch others.

You could have your partner tape it, videotape it.

That way you can watch it later.

You could get into new positions where you're able to view it better.

Maybe get a mirror.

You know, so there's new ways to just like make it even better.

Right.

Essential where you're adding in utilizing the five senses.

There's a lot of new things you can feel.

There's also items that actually.

It's an electromagnetic wand.

We have one of those.

Yeah.

Yes.

I don't like it personally, but Simon loves it.

And it goes all over.

Like.

What is it, like an electro wand?

Yep.

I don't know what that is.

It's it like it like electrocutes you.

Yeah, yeah.

Like you stick your finger in a socket.

Yeah.

Like lightly.

So if you were somebody who like to stick your tongue on the battery, like the D battery.

Right?

A little square battery.

If you're somebody.

Okay, got you.

Yeah.

You like to play that game where you put your finger into like this little.

Actually have it somewhere about over here.

You put your fingers into these little electrodes machine.

You hit the button and it will go around.

So it'll shock who's ever with you.

But it just doesn't want like nine of them.

Right.

And okay.

But when it does, you.

And sometimes you can have an orgasm.

So I had an orgasm while playing this game with our hands stuck in their little fingers.

That is so cool.

Oh, my God.

Different frequency of turn on.

So there's new way, new things to bring in.

Like you don't have to go out and buy like a shit ton of batteries so you can lick them all at the same time.

But there's ways to enhance your experience with each of these blueprints, which is so beautiful because some people are untouched.

Like they've never had an energetic orgasm before.

They didn't know what it was.

They Thought they were just one.

But realize that there's a whole buffet of new things to try that they didn't know would turn them on.

But that will because it falls under the different types of play.

So does the blueprint come in when you're in a pretty happy, satisfied relationship but you just want to try something new and take it to a next level?

Or is this like, hey, we're not enjoying sex.

Maybe we should focus more on the blueprint styles and see where we fall.

Ooh.

And what about those who aren't in a relationship?

Can they still utilize it?

Absolutely.

So, for example, with the sexual.

The need to.

You love to see genitals.

Those who masturbate in front of a mirror.

Very fun.

Okay.

Very fun.

Okay.

You can, like, try to make sure your neighbors watch.

And I get real weird.

I'm just kidding.

I.

I mean, put me against a window.

A skyscraper.

Like, let's go.

I believe that.

So in a way, it is there to enhance a relationship that you're already having sex and that you may not be satisfied with.

But it's okay there to enhance your relationship by yourself.

Especially if, you know, you're in a celibacy period and you're just trying to figure out what really feels sexually authentic to you which is a lifetime journey sometimes too.

There's always more to learn and more to experience.

So it is for those who are completely unsatisfied with their sex lives and for those who want to enhance it.

So you find out which blueprint they are.

They try different things to figure it out.

And then you add onto it.

You layer it up with all the juiciness for those blueprint styles and they can kind of, like, draw down what they like.

Yeah.

Yeah.

All right.

Yeah.

Are you a friends fan?

What do you mean?

Oh, like the show?

Yeah, like Phoebe.

Phoebe's my favorite.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She'S great.

So this is our.

When we came into this conversation, I was cracking up because one of the episodes where Monica is teaching Chandler about the arachnidones.

And then she's like, seven.

Seven, seven.

Okay, very well.

Yeah, I'm sure you do.

How many zones are there?

And then answer that first erosion of.

Zones are going to vary from person to person.

Oh, so not everyone has the same amount?

No, no.

Oh.

What could be sexy for one person?

Like, okay, you know, lick my middle toe, Right?

That could be erogenous zone for somebody.

It's not for myself.

It could be, you know, lick my ear.

I will actually want to hit somebody.

Don't come near my ears.

Don't blow air in my ears.

But then some people will like to have their ear licked and, like, nibbled like a little kitty.

That's my partner.

It's weird, but I think it's hilarious.

So he's like.

It's wicked cute.

Some people have the small.

The back.

Some people love like a, you know, a nice tongue right up the spine.

So isn't this just like a kink?

Like it.

Erogenous zones?

It could be kinky.

It could be based on kink, too.

Like, what you're into.

Absolutely.

I'm gonna actually do some serious research after this to see if there's, like, an amount that everybody may have.

I'm interesting that.

Okay, so I asked a question that we will later learn an answer to.

Look at me.

Boom.

Pretty cool.

We all learning.

Yeah.

Tell me one of your erogenous sounds.

Would you like to share?

I.

I mean, I guess.

Okay, so you're.

What I am hearing is that basically.

How do I want to word this?

Okay.

In the sexual experiences that Simon and I have been dabbling in, what I'm learning is that anything can be a kink.

What you're describing is kind of what I'm.

It's kind of just what it sounds like to me.

Like.

Like one person that we talk to has this kink is what I.

I feel like it's called where it's called, like, a nursing kink.

But that sounds like that just means they might have, like, an oral fixation.

Fixation, which would be an irregnance.

How do you say it?

Erogenous zone.

Yeah.

Is it.

That would definitely fall into kinky.

Yeah.

Erogenous zones are usually, from what I know.

So I was usually like, okay, I love it when they kiss my neck.

Right.

Or kiss that around my collarbone or the, you know, nipples.

Could be one.

The inner arm.

Could be one.

The back of the leg.

The inner thighs right above the waistline of your pants.

Everybody has different zones, but when we talk about oral, that is a kink.

That is.

Gotcha.

What?

That is sexually something that you like in your.

On your sex menu.

And oral, you know, is probably a sure way to turn you on.

So they go for that so that maybe, you know, that they.

Okay.

I like.

Now we're learning all the things, and I love it.

One.

Okay.

So I guess that makes me think of body mapping.

And so maybe that's just something that we should all do with our partner or ourself is to learn those zones by a body mapping.

I actually just Released a podcast episode on my podcast, Desire Dialogues about pleasure mapping yesterday.

So look how that worked.

That worked out.

Wow.

All right, I'll link that.

Perfect.

We will link that.

It's really.

Yeah, yeah.

To know what you and what your partner, you know, like right now.

Because it could change from seven years ago.

I think our sexual tastes change with every seven years.

Just like your taste buds change.

Yeah, I'd agree with that.

Does so body mapping.

Like, is there like any kind of like a.

A handbook to it?

I think that's what she's released.

Right.

It's a walked through, talked through guide.

And I can absolutely make a workbook that we can link right to it just for your list.

Very cool.

Do you talk in a seductive voice as you're like, walking through the map?

I talk just like this.

So, yeah, she's seductive.

She is seductive.

I don't mean.

Yeah, I know.

I'm just teasing you.

20 years of smoking.

Newport.

So this is where we sound now, and it works for me.

I think the smoking voice is the end game.

Hey, if you can get something from it, do it.

One of the things that you kind of blew my mind about, because I just can't.

I can't figure it out on my own.

So I need you to help help us out.

Nine types of orgasms.

Yes.

Like, what is that?

Who?

I can think of like, maybe three.

Okay.

Which ones do you have in mind?

Okay, well, obviously there's the clitorial.

There's the G.

And I mean, I know people can like nipple.

Yeah, I can't, but so then I guess that's really the only thing I can kind of think of.

I don't really know.

All right, so you have three of nine.

I just checked them off.

Let's go through them.

All right.

Okay.

A nipple orgasm is not going to be dedicated to one gender or the other.

Each nipple and areola just one has 800 nerve endings.

No matter.

Oh, wow.

Right?

I don't think I have any.

Okay.

Is that normal?

No, it is, actually for those who have had nipple piercing or who have breastfed, sometimes the sensation can be decreased after that.

Ah, okay.

So you're okay.

It's okay.

It's normal.

It definitely happens.

Right.

And then we have the clitoral orgasm.

Right.

70 to 80% of vulva owners require direct stimulation.

So definitely bring in a handy dandy little vibe to make this year.

So you have more hands for other things.

Right?

Yeah.

I'm so glad that you brought that up, because that's one of the toys that you see, like, in all the stores and stuff.

And I always stare at it.

I'm like, what the does that do?

Does that go inside of you?

Like, what are you supposed to do with it?

Isaac do?

No.

I love great questions.

This is going to be just a little vibe that will have 11 different functions, which is going to be like, low, medium, high.

Holy.

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.

We're here.

Just kidding.

And that's like Michael Buble, all different one.

But this is easily.

You know, you can utilize this in doggy style.

You can utilize this missionary.

You can utilize this, actually.

You ready to have your mind blown?

Anything that goes underneath your chin, on your cheek or onto your throat.

Let me turn it on so you can hear my voice change.

Okay.

Onto your throat.

Now turns your mouth into a human vibrator.

All right, so now my tongue vibrator.

That's pretty cool.

When it's under my chin, my tongue can vibrate.

And if you want your partner to, like, absolutely.

Just pound your cheek, for some reason, my partner looks like put his dick between my teeth and my cheek, and I have no idea why.

I'm like, dude, you don't even have much room.

So I shipped this here, and you're like, oh, I'm done.

I'm like, nice, Nice.

So this is called come a little closer.

And you can utilize any type of play.

You can enhance oral for whatever sex is going on.

You can go ahead and put this right behind the testicles and the anus.

It's.

I call it the nacho.

So it's not your balls, not your asshole.

Right.

The ABC asphalt connector.

And you can stimulate the prostate gland externally on that stretch of skin called the perineum.

So this isn't just a female.

Oh, no.

Vibration feels good for everybody.

Right?

So just, like, the nipples have the same amount.

You can absolutely maybe bring in a vibrator to see if you can get some more stimulation to the nipple.

Love it.

Okay, clitoris is two.

You're going to have a G area, G spot area like we spoke about.

Now, the G spot area is about 1 to 3 inches inside on the front anterior, which is the front wall.

Right on the other side of the clitoris.

Actually, it's on the front wall of the vagina.

All right.

The way to activate this is with a toy that actually will have the curve in it already.

Okay.

A lot of the internal toys, you're going to have this curve because it's more of like a, you know, like, pirate hook that.

Right.

So a lot of times Penetration doesn't get that unless you have certain positions.

I have a position playbook episode as well too, Bridges.

Oh, fine.

But it's really about those fingers, like the come hither motion.

So for anybody who has not experienced the G spot orgasm, you are not broken.

Please don't do that.

The thing is, the G spot actually needs about 20 to 30 minutes to actually have the blood rush to this area for it to be enlarged.

So it's like, it gets bigger.

It's like, bitch, don't miss me.

Right?

But it also is gonna quick little trick that you can figure out what it feels like.

It may feel like the top of your mouth and it has a bunch of ridges and the rest of the vaginal tissue is gonna feel like the inside of your cheek.

All right?

So it's gonna feel like the external piece of like a walnut.

Put pressure on that bad boy.

Okay.

Back and forth really fast or in and out really fast.

Okay.

Like a really fast come hither.

And a G spot area orgasm can sometimes feel like an orgasm.

And it can sometimes feel like just a relief.

Okay.

And it can and cannot be paired with squirting, AKA female ejaculation, which is where those amazing absorbent blankets come into play.

We sell them.

They're called a sex you throw blanket.

Very fun.

Beautiful.

I'll never laugh out because we keep going through these damn sheets.

Oh, what is that?

It is an absorbent plush throw blanket.

Okay.

Ours.

Mine has lasted me five years.

It is machine washable.

They say not to dry it, but I do anyways because I'm like a broken sprinkler system.

Right.

And if you're worried about that, you may get the.

Oh, I feel like I gotta pee.

What happens is you go to the bathroom, you go to try to pee, and nothing's happening.

You just chipped yourself out.

Of a G spot orgasm, it's really mind over matter.

Once you have your first, it's going to be so much easier.

It doesn't stop.

It doesn't stop.

Yeah.

The neural pathways know that it's possible and you know exactly what to do to get there.

And with the blanket, you have that worry gone about, oh, my gosh, I have to change the sheets.

I don't want to make a mess.

Right.

I don't want to sleep in this.

The mattress is ruined.

Yeah.

I usually will lay down a towel or something.

Yeah.

Because I don't want to.

I want to go to bed after when I'm done.

Absolutely.

And the thing clean, then dirty.

And if you've Been going through them fast.

Let's just.

We'll talk about after, about the quality.

And I can send you a link and give you my discount.

We'll get you one that you feel really good about.

Never go.

We're going to be bff.

I got you.

I got you.

Like, let's make life so much more comfortable.

Life and sex is so messy.

Let's have things to make it even more enjoyable.

You don't have to worry about one more thing.

Right?

All right.

Awesome.

There's your juice bar.

So we good?

All right.

Okay.

Then we have a.

A vaginal orgasm, which is actually the first third of the vagina.

Okay.

If you've ever had sex with a penis owner and they like to do this weird helicopter move.

I don't know, I'm like, where are we going?

Can you just, like, hover right there?

Actually, this is really cool.

The first third of the vagina is covered in the most nerve ending.

All right.

So the.

Also, that's the fun thing too, with the clitoris.

Think of the clitoris like a wishbone, right?

You have the critters here.

You like a little.

What you can see outside.

Like the little pee.

Yeah.

Sometimes it's like a green pea size.

Sometimes it's bigger.

And the clitoris runs down both sides on the inside.

Okay.

Okay.

You don't see it.

So it's running down the vaginal lips.

All right.

And it's running down the inside of the legs.

That's when you have a clitoral orgasm.

Sometimes your leg will twitch a little bit.

Like a dog.

They donated it.

Right.

So the clitoris wraps around both sides of the vaginal canal.

Okay, I didn't realize that.

So that's like when, like they're just like kind of slapping you with it.

And they're like.

That's like what that is.

It can be a slap because you got the clitoris on the vulva, which is your external lips and stuff.

Right.

And then just the first, like, just the tip, right?

Yeah, that's the part.

Yeah, it hits the sides of the clitoris.

The clitoris lick.

That's where I was thinking, okay, I'm excited.

So this means I'm checking all the boxes so far.

Mine is nipple.

Yeah, you are.

Excuse the language.

Sorry.

No, I like it.

All right.

Someone is as dirty as me.

We got this.

We got this.

All right, so we covered you thought.

All right, now, oral orgasm.

All right.

This means you can have an orgasm just from someone performing oral or have an orgasm just from performing oral.

So, like you said before.

Okay, got you.

Okay.

Keep it ongoing.

Now let's talk about cervical.

So cervical, I know when you think of pap smears and stuff, right?

Yeah.

So the cervix is most, most easily found obviously deeper in.

Right.

But the cervical orgasm was more easily attained after you already have a clitoral orgasm or a G spot area orgasm or a vaginal orgasm because more blood rush down to that area.

Kind of need to prime the pump.

Yeah, you prime up.

You prime up.

So cervical orgasm is absolutely one of those.

Okay.

And then run away anal.

All right.

My listeners whose booty hole just clenched up, you're like, oh my gosh.

No, here's the deal, friend.

14,000 nerve endings in the anus.

Okay?

Wow.

And this is not something that you're like, okay, no prep, get it in, let's go.

Like, woo.

You know it doesn't work that way, Right?

Right.

That's a nice ass right there.

So little by little, right?

This is an area that wants to be cheesed.

Anybody heard of rimming?

Yeah.

Okay.

So an anal orgasm can be achieved from rimming.

Just rimming.

Definitely get a, like a nice tongue with some flavor lube or a vibrating play.

Okay.

And then once it will actually wing.

That's not a myth.

It will actually wink when it's ready.

Because this is going to now be more relaxed.

Okay.

The lube.

Do not use water based lube.

It's not going to work.

It's not going to stay.

You need a silicone based lube.

Either a hybrid lube or just a silicone.

Because this is a different type of muscle tissue and mucous membranes.

So in.

And it holds at the neck.

All right.

It gives you this fulfilled feeling.

So you can achieve anal with just rimming.

Just a pinky.

Just a finger with a toy or with a penis or a dildo.

All right.

And it is process the two things I hear people say, I am worried it's going to hurt.

But really you're actually worried that you're going to poop on a dick.

And it's not going to really happen unless you add Taco Bell or Chipotle.

Okay.

So we won't go too much farther into that, but that is anal.

And if you've never tried anything, I highly recommend you get a small vibrating butt plug and you explore on your own.

That way you can feel more confident to share what you want.

Yeah.

It's time for a partner partner play.

Right?

I can sort from that too.

Yes, many can.

Good for you.

Kudos.

High five.

Love It.

Because here's the thing, you can reach the G spot on the other side when you're having anal.

There's nine sheets of paper of a width between the anal and the vaginal canal.

Nine sheets of paper.

So if you get that right angle, that's like nothing.

It's nothing.

No.

So when you have a vibrating booty plug and then you have a penis inside the vagina, they can feel the vibration.

It's incredible.

Oh, wow.

The penis that has refreshed you.

I just broke your pen and line.

Right up on that.

Oh, yeah, he's getting.

I'm sitting here twitching like, tell me more.

I got you.

I got you.

Absolutely.

All right.

And then we have, we have nine is.

No, well, hold on.

Number five.

I'll touch on.

Five is blended.

So this is when you have one or more at the same time.

So when you're having an anal orgasm and a few spot orgasm and a clitoral orgasm, you are good.

You're in bliss.

And someone just needs to bring you a sandwich, right?

Yeah.

We need a nap.

All right, my go to is chocolate.

Yes.

After that, like intense.

Intense.

I'm like, all right, don't touch me.

Just put chocolate over chocolate.

The last but not least is the energy orgasm.

And here's the deal.

The way that you said that you're able to have an orgasm just from kissing, okay.

There is like a list of 24 different types.

Okay.

But these are the main nine that I've seen and I talk about on the daily.

Oh, wow.

There's more than the nine.

There is.

People can get really like creative.

So it depends on what source and references that are listed there.

But energetic is one of them.

So when the energy is high and you're just kissing and you're so turned on, that's an energy orgasm, right?

You don't even have to be penetrated.

That's an energy orgasm.

I love this.

Kissing and touching outside the clothes, not even on the genitals.

That's an energy orgasm.

If you're just giving fellatio s and the D, that's an energy orgasm.

Right.

So you're not even being taught in the genitals.

It is a full blown, like imagination.

The sex energy is just all throughout your body.

You're just so turned on it.

You don't even have to be touched.

That's energetic.

Okay.

Love this.

Yeah.

So those are your nine, my friend.

Let me recap real quick.

Nipple, anal, cervical, clitoral, blended, vaginal, G spot, oral and energy.

Okay, seven, seven.

On my list.

Is G spot.

So, Monica.

So Melissa came to me a couple more than a couple weeks ago at this point, and she had someone come to her with a specific sexual question and said, we need to get an expert on to answer this for us.

You sure did.

Fuck.

What was it?

So we have.

This is not uncommon.

So it's actually not even that crazy.

But we have a lady that's older than 60.

Yeah.

And she wants to know.

Yeah.

She wants to know how can someone later in age still enjoy sex?

Well, actually, she wanted us to do a whole episode on.

She is awesome.

She shared with me, like a website where she gets her toys and all that.

And she's like, I want people to know that you're not dead after 70.

Yeah.

Oh, 70.

Okay.

Okay.

So she did want to hear a little bit, like, what do you say?

Like, sex after 70, is it that different?

It's not.

You just get more creative about how to make it more comfortable for you.

This is where sex things, sex swings come into play.

Tension on the joints.

This is where an elevation pillow comes into play.

Sell both of them.

My parents have both of them.

They've been together.

Oh, my gosh.

They've been together for like 38 years.

And I, when I moved out, I took my boxing bag down.

I said, guys, you get this nice eye.

Look here.

You can put a sex swing.

They're like, do you get us one?

I'm like, I can.

It's easier on the joints.

So they.

I didn't know that.

Yes.

Yeah, I guess I wouldn't have thought about that.

For older sex, I.

Not older sex, but geriatric sex.

No, wait.

What's more appropriate?

So the thing is too, it's a matter of what's going to make it better for you as you get older.

The vaginal tissue is going to change.

So whether people choose to do an estrogen replacement therapy, just an estrogen cream, I highly recommend it for anybody.

Incredible research on it.

That is very beneficial.

All you're doing is replacing what your body's already made all the way up until then when it stops.

Okay.

So when it comes to okay, perimenopause, menopause and post menopause, the vaginal tissue is actually changing.

It's thinning and it's drying.

So lube is everything.

All right.

Lube is always everything.

But the type of lube is going to change with your body as you go.

And that's really important.

Please tell.

We have a water based lube.

If you have a water based lube, you need Water to actually activate it.

Okay.

It actually dries up if there's no water.

That's why water based in the anus doesn't work.

It just goes away.

Interesting.

I did not.

You would never think that they say.

That like your toys have to be compatible with your lube and then y.

All right, I got you.

Great question too.

Because you cannot use a hundred percent silicone lube with silicone toys.

It will really.

They melt into each other first off.

And when they touch each other, they melt.

We learn the hard way over and over and over again.

So I definitely.

So did you learn the first 10 times?

Just kidding.

No.

Maybe on the 11th.

Right.

Did you have fun?

Did you have fun?

That's all that matters.

Now put your toys to bed separately.

Right.

They don't sleep well together.

Put your toys to bed properly.

Tube sock, Ziploc bag or our storage free velvet.

Our storage velvet bag.

So it's lint free.

You can put your cords in there because they're all us rechargeable now.

So you can just keep them separate.

Do the best you can.

Things happen.

But the lube is everything.

So 100 silicone lube is for anal intercourse only.

Don't use it with your toys.

Don't use it for anything like that.

I personally don't sell the 100% silicone lube.

I don't like it.

There's alternatives.

We have a very light grade silicone.

Okay.

That actually made in Norway, which is fantastic.

It's called Natural Earth Incredible organic vegan lube.

It's made with shiitake mushrooms.

So this lube.

Yeah, this lube can actually.

It's.

It's given out to cancer patients undergoing chemotherapy that experience extreme vaginal dryness now because there's vitamin E in it too.

So this is great for menopausal.

This is also great for anal as well because it has enough of that silicone for a long lasting feel.

It feels like velvet.

It's wild.

Then we have for those who are a little bit older and your vagina isn't making the natural lubrication or if you're on SSRI like a lot of America.

Right.

But yeah, or depression, anxiety.

Yeah, depression, anxiety.

Also any sort of mucous membrane, like allergy medication, it doesn't just dry out.

This orifice is going to dry all that.

Orifice.

Okay.

Oh, interesting membrane.

So you can utilize a hybrid lubrication in these cases.

All right.

It's like 3 to 5% silicone and the rest is water based.

Safe daily for vaginal Use and it's going to be thick enough for anal use.

Right.

And safe for your toys.

All right.

No.

Silicone with the toys is 100% silicone.

Loop is a no go for your silicone toys.

That's it.

If you have a small amount of silicone, you're good to go.

So I have an incredible hybrid lubricant that I love.

It's called Pussy Willow, and it's made from that same company.

That's such a sweet name.

So our water base from that company is made with plant cellulose, and the silicone is made with shiitake mushrooms.

So they're all incredible ingredients.

These kind of sound edible.

Yeah.

They don't taste like anything.

They don't smell like anything.

And it's okay if your dog gets in it and drinks a whole bottle of lube?

Yeah, they're fine.

Okay.

Shit happens.

It's bad, but it happens.

Shiitake happens.

Happen.

Lube is everything.

And I.

I hope that if anybody has any lube questions, I'm here for it.

We'll find the right lube for your body.

That's the thing.

Because the body can change with whatever's going on.

Medical conditions, medications, and the stage your body is in.

So that's amazing.

I really didn't ever think of it.

I went about medications and stuff.

I just wouldn't have really even thought that different bodies need different lubes, in all honesty.

Yeah.

I just kind of thought, oh, grease.

Her up and find whichever one you like.

Play.

I didn't know, but I was wondering.

So before.

Because I'm not trying to change the subject at all.

No.

But I do want to know why is it so important for us to be in tune with our bodies and for us to be able to experience pleasure?

If I understand correctly, you probably have some cool statistics, but it's better for your life and your longevity and your emotional.

There's like health.

Yeah.

There's actual health benefits, Correct?

Very.

So the way that we get in tune with our body, we're in a world where we are so technology focused, you know, it's hard to kind of focus on what's going on with your body if you are looking at a screen.

Yeah.

Work that way.

So what.

What I found is instead of people being in tune with their body and sexually aware and pleasure aware, we're tuned out.

So there's something that I do with my clients.

There's a bunch of things, but this is the main thing I see.

People with low libido are not in touch with Their body.

So I do daily prompts as well as coaching sessions where you're.

You got to figure out where you are baseline.

Okay.

Are you overstimulated?

Are you needing time to decompress?

Right.

There's a matter of, like, de.

Armoring yourself before you're in bed.

You know, just chilling.

I could be open to sex, but I'm not needing it.

Right.

And then you get over to now I'm being introduced to sex, initiated, and I'm open to it.

People just think you're gonna, you know, someone's gonna initiate and you're ready, but you actually have to be a little bit more inside your body.

So if you need to get more into your body with a meditation, with a pleasure, practice with a shower, with a bath, you have to literally strip the fucking day off.

And, yeah, a quick tip too.

Just simple stuff throughout the day.

I want you to think of three daily things that you do that you can link with pleasure.

For example, you take your first sip of coffee in the morning.

I want you to do Kegel exercise.

Oh, when you are.

When you're having, you know, a nice strawberry or your breakfast, do a Kegel exercise.

When you're reading a book and you like a chapter, you like the title, do a Kegel exercise.

It's linking your body with pleasure pathways.

All right?

You're literally like Pavlov.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, interesting.

Yeah, It's a strategy I teach.

Just call them pleasure layering.

So it's pleasure stacking.

So do you help men and women that struggle with their libido?

I do.

It's actually like 90% of those in heterosexual relationships as well as homosexual relationship, both experience mismatched libidos.

It is so common.

I work with couples or I work with women.

I do not work with men alone unless they are referred to me and I know them.

Libido is a big deal.

There's two types of desire that we don't all really understand.

Spontaneous, like, it just happens, right?

You're like, I'm ready.

Let's do it.

And then there is.

Then there is responsive.

You're responding to what is being presented to you.

But also when you're responsive, you're also responding to everything in your daily life that you have to get rid of to be available per sec and in.

I'm glad you're saying that because it's really easy to forget because that your partner doesn't always respond to things the same way you do.

Like, you could literally, like you said, initiate.

Initiating is enough for me.

But it's not always for everyone.

And you kind of have to.

Might have to do something to get yourself in that mind space.

It is because it's more than just a.

Well, this goes into communication.

So, you know, because I think, like Lauren mentioned earlier, that what does it for you now may not do it for you another time.

And I feel like it could be the same way.

Well, not could.

It is for me at least, depending I could be like, oh, you just winked at me.

Let's go.

And right now.

But then there's sometimes where I'm like, nope, you're going to have to do a little kiss and kiss.

And like, we're going to have to lean into this and I have to be able to say, like, you're not touching me until xyz.

Right.

So what's on the appetizer list?

What you need?

And it's going to.

Yeah.

Throughout the month.

Because we have four different cycles, not just the men.

We can do that all different thing.

Don't worry.

Don't worry.

Right.

Oh, interesting.

Oh, my God.

We.

We have to have her back.

Oh, yeah.

There's so many things that we can go into.

How.

When, when you have a couple that.

Let's just see.

Okay.

I feel like our listeners love when we have tangible examples.

Yeah.

So let's just go with a personal example of your, you know, a couple years into marriage, you're, you know, you're satisfied with your sexual life, but one is more interested in exploring all the options and all the things, and one is very uncomfortable with it or you're unsure how they're going to respond.

If you bring it up, how do you coach couples through this?

Or how do you suggest someone brings it to their partner's attention?

Yeah.

Okay, example, we'll have Sarah and John or Sarah and Sally.

It doesn't matter.

Right.

We're all going to talk the same way.

Hey, Sally, I have been thinking lately that I'm really interested to try anal or try sex in public.

And I, I would like to explore that with you.

Like, I love the sex we're already having, but I would like to find new ways to enhance what we're already doing and make it better.

Would that be something you'd be open to talking about?

Okay, let's go to a different example.

I'm.

Well, really quick.

I'm already seeing that.

I, I'm seeing in my own life where I've broached the subject wrong because I'll have said, like, hey, would you want to blah, blah.

And I Feel like maybe that's too much pressure.

But you didn't do that.

You said, I, I, I want to do this.

But also with the example that you just did in my head, I'm like, oh, that would throw me for a loop.

If you just walked up to me and said, hey, I, I would like to have a conversation about exploring anal.

I'd be like, what?

Like, I need kind of like a build up to like, hey, I love our sex life.

And I actually was reading like an article about, you know, the sensories and the anus and, you know, a lead in, like that.

Otherwise I'm gonna be like, completely thrown off.

Like, we can't talk about this right now.

Like, why are you just throwing this at my gut?

You.

And this is, it's called like a positive of like a positive sandwich.

So there's steps, right?

So the positive, right?

I love the sex that we're having.

We, I love when you do this, this and that, right?

Then you come with the intention.

I read, I was reading something in this book and I'm actually really interested in, in trying a threesome.

And, you know, whatever it may be, right?

And then it's the invitation.

I would like to know if you're, you know, curious about this, then we can set up a time to have a conversation around it so we can experience more pleasure together.

Would you be okay?

I like how you said, schedule a time to talk about it.

People need time to process.

They do.

And everybody's different.

Some people are ready to go right then and there.

Any conversation ever about sex, please have at the kitchen table.

Go do it out at a coffee shop.

Right?

Not in the mood, not in the moment.

It is really depending on turf.

Okay.

And.

Timing.

Yeah.

So now I love that you said that.

I've had to train Simon of like, okay, you can't ask me in the moment.

First off, it stresses me out, and now I'm not in the mood.

Second of all, you can't ask me just after we try something new if I liked it or not.

Like, my brain for some reason has to go through everything that was felt and how it went into it and, and all the things.

And I have to sit there and be like, did I like it?

Did I not?

I don't know, do I need to try it again?

And the thing is too, after we have orgasms, our bodies are rushed with all these chemicals.

Okay?

So, for example, Biologically, you need 30 minutes for your adrenaline level to go back down to baseline to actually know.

So digesting.

So when you broach that conversation, they may be like, whoa, yeah, let's like at least and a half hour or tomorrow when the drop off you guys get, you know, it's an invitation, you know, yeah, you're interested in, but it's an invitation.

But assuring them in the beginning with that positive start, that everything's great, but I want to enjoy my pleasure with you.

Would you be open to it?

Right?

Yeah.

That's a perfect sandwich.

Yeah, absolutely.

That is beautiful.

So you're in school to, you're in.

School on your way to your masters.

Right, to be a sex therapist for couples.

Correct.

How so?

Have you gotten to practice yet on couples that come together where one, usually the female has had some sexual trauma and it's like a process to get into that comfortable space with their partner?

Yes, absolutely.

So the reason why I am going to school for sexual therapy is to be able to take insurance so I can help more people.

You know, sexual trauma affects more people than many think and sexual trauma varies and that's why the digestion, as you will, like you said, is different.

The invitation is going to be different.

It's going to be personal.

Oh, so maybe that's why I'm more like I need more.

Yeah, you need a little bit more.

Sometimes I need it to be a, you know, broad, you know, for example, like when it comes to desire.

Right.

If you're going to be responsive.

Desire.

Right.

You may not be hungry for spaghetti until spaghetti is on the table.

But it's.

That's why everybody's a little different.

But also the way it's being presented.

Cool.

But how are you with yourself?

Were you connected to yourself?

Were you stressed out?

Did you feel safe?

Did something happen earlier in the day?

Were you just like sometimes you're going to need to have a pre sex ritual where you find a way to connect back to your body.

You shed off the layers as a de armoring process.

Feel more safe with your partner.

Do you need to take a bath with them?

Do you need to feel emotionally connected to them first?

Do you need to read erotica and use a little toy to get you just started?

What do you need?

Do you need words of affirmation?

Do you need a long 30 minute cuddle session?

What do you need?

And your.

So like you would talk to this couple and say, hey, your wife has had a traumatic experience.

It's kind of hard to understand that.

What do you need?

I need to snuggle for a moment, hear that you love me and then blah, blah, blah.

And so that's kind of how you teach them to kind of connect.

Yes.

And it's going to be different for everybody.

Everybody feels safe with different things.

Right.

So instead of just the aftercare routine that some people need, mostly in BDSM situations, but an aftercare for those who've experienced trauma is going to look different from others.

Some may need to be brought a sandwich.

Some may need their hair rubbed.

Some may need a bunch of forehead kisses.

Some may need to hear things, you know, and that goes with the pre care.

So not aftercare, but pre care too.

And it's gonna look different.

We literally create a playbook and a user manual for all of these clients.

And then when it comes to.

In the middle of sex, there's safe gestures, there's safe words, there's ways to stop it, there's ways to take a pause, and there's ways to, you know, go slower, go faster.

You know, we create these signals more fluid because each sexual experience is going to be different.

Even if you have trauma, it can be different.

The position, the words you don't know.

But knowing what to do when your partner is triggered is big.

And they'll tell you what that is.

And they don't have to say it in the moment.

They can just say the word or they can do the snap, which is a gesture.

Yeah, we have like a.

We have like a.

A touch.

If I touch like this, that means, oh, okay.

Today it's just not okay, perfect.

Yeah.

I feel like listening to you talk is kind of making me go back and taking almost full circle because I'm thinking, you know, a lot of people sometimes don't even know what.

What it is that they're going to need.

And so that takes us back to.

That's why it's important to do your body mapping and to know your own.

Your own self emotionally as well as sexually.

Right?

I guess.

So, like, in our marriage, when we, like, literally, I think our first two years, like, it was very vanilla, very basic, because there's me trying to decide how do I feel safe and how are we, you know.

Right.

How am I going to get comfortable with this now that I am very comfortable and I am very safe in my relationship, and we are trying all the things and getting into all the fun things.

It's like, I wonder, like, would there have been, like, a faster way?

Like.

Like what?

Someone who is in that relationship, like, where they're just are struggling, trying to get comfortable with the sexual experiences, like, is there a faster way?

Or, like, do you have to spend two Years of, like, trying to be like, I don't know if I feel safe, I don't know what I'm doing.

You do.

That's the thing.

It's going to be different for everybody.

And the fact that it took you two years, that's going to depend on how long it makes you feel safe, how long it takes to make you feel safe.

The way to shorten that is to figure out the things that make you feel safe and what your partner can do and consistency.

I feel like that would have helped, like, not knowing that there's something to figure out.

Like there's something you probably.

Yeah.

I feel like you sounds like you were floundering, even.

Not even realizing that you had that you were looking for what it is.

That makes you safe.

Yeah.

And sometimes we don't have to know exactly what it is.

We can know, like, what the root cause is.

We don't have to do that, but we can know the things that kind of irk us.

Right.

Whatever that is.

Yeah.

And just when it comes to sexual trauma, it's a, you know, if you're with two people, it's a.

It's a within that partnership issue.

That's it.

It's not a personal issue.

You get to tackle it together.

That builds that safety net as well.

Yeah, but we just.

As people who have trauma, the way that you heal is different.

But it's a lot easier with a coach.

It's a lot easier with a coach.

You don't have to explore it on your own.

You only go as deep as you want.

But the thing is, we get to figure out what are the pillows surrounding your body to make you feel safer?

What are the words?

What are the things that feel good?

We put more of that there.

And what do you need to feel safe going up and safe after?

And that's it.

It's.

It's all about, you know, if you're in the car, how fast you want to go, when do you need to hit the brakes?

When can you hit the gas?

And how can you say that?

Right.

Gesture or something to your partner as you go without.

Yeah.

Yeah.

All right.

You just brought up sex coach.

So is this something that one on one and you are literally on video coaching them how to touch themselves, or is this, like, just a conversation of, okay, next time you're having alone time, try this.

Like, what is it?

Next time you're having alone time, try this?

So as a sex coach, I never watch anybody be naked.

If I do any sort of guides for how to touch yourself, It'll be an audio that they'll listen to later as during their self practice.

A sexual self care routine is something I highly recommend.

I help my clients do a user manual where they figure out the things that turn them on, turn them off, their initiation styles, their erotic blueprint styles, their sex language as well as their love language and what desire type they are.

A lot goes into this.

Never mind.

You know, trauma always can play a big part into all of those.

And yeah, knowing these things in a way that you're able to find like, oh, wow, that makes sense.

Then communicate it to your partner.

Game changer.

Everyone's on the same table with the right information and then it's just opens up room for so much more.

Yeah, I'm glad that we answered what a sex coach is because what I see in my brain is meet the Fockers and she's sitting there like putting people together.

About that.

So unfortunately, no, I do not do that.

If I ever do a workshop, it'll be like, like fully clothed, you know, a little.

A little tantra if you will.

Couple.

Is that a skill you have as well?

Teaching Tantra tantrum.

Yeah.

And there's a lot of, you know, beginner all the way up to, you know, this.

It's a beautiful modality, it's a beautiful practice and that is really getting touched with.

With yourself.

Very much so.

In your own body.

Man, there's so much.

I feel like there's so much we didn't even cover.

I voted and like, like let's.

We can break them up all into little episodes, bites.

That I would love that I would love it if we could get you back and talk about the like initiation.

I.

That was something you said and I was like, wait, what?

That will change depending on the cycle you're in.

If you are.

Okay.

That I really do want to talk.

About women Cycle as in like we are talking about like menstrual cycle.

Ovulation, luteal.

I get the cycles.

We can go through that for sure.

It's really cool to know when you're most creative too, as a business owner or when you're most open or when you need more rest in a book and chocolate.

Like it's just there's so many things.

But your psycho controls.

When you're more creative than other.

What?

Yeah, so much.

When you're more open to different types of initiation by your partner, when you actually need more physical attention or soft touch or if you want to be thanked.

Like it's all depending on that cycle.

We have four cycles.

Yeah.

So many things.

Lauren, thank you.

Yes, thank you, my friend.

This has been.

My mind is blown.

Yeah, I feel.

Thank you so much.

It has.

It has been great.

So we'll have you on again.

So, listeners, make sure that you are letting us know which aspect do you want to dive into deeper and have Lauren help us explore.

I mean, there's so many sex toys, apparently cycles.

Women's like.

Yeah.

Women's health.

Yeah, all of it.

It's so fun.

I'll have to re.

Listen to this episode too, because I'll.

Throughout listening, I'll.

I know.

I'll be like, oh, yeah, that she said that.

I.

Yeah, I already got questions.

I'm already going to be in your DMs once we stop recording, please.

I appreciate you guys for making this platform available, covering so many beautiful topics, and we thank you.

We had a great time.

You guys are very easy to talk to.

And I am here for you.

I'm here for your listeners.

If you do somebody to talk about these questions, you don't know who else to ask.

I'd be honored to be that person for you, man.

I got you.

Thank you.

Got it.

Thank you.

Thanks so much.

Well, you heard it here, guys.

Skirts out.

I guess we'll go with that.

Oh, I just wanted, like, before I stop recording, can we start singing our song again?

Again?

Yeah, because now it will be on recording.

Oh, I thought we had.

It wasn't recording.

All right, Lauren, can we end by serenading you again?

We thought that you would like this.

So just to set the stage.

The.

Air came on and it sounded like.

We were under the sea.

Under the sea.

Wait, darling, it's better down where it's wetter.

Take it from me.

All right.

And see what we did there.

Wetter on there.

And she's doing all the wiggle, wiggle, wiggle.

Yeah.

Okay, guys, we'll stop being dirty.

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