If you find me and I'm grumpy, it could be a lot of things.

It's going to be awkward anyway, so make it more awkward, because that at

least makes it fun. I hate

meetings. I hate them so

much. All right, here we go. I'm going to pretend I'm pushing record,

because that feels right. Okay, I'm pressing record. Boop.

Hi, everybody. I'm Lauren Howard. I go by L2.

Yes, you can call me L2. Everybody does. It's a long story. It's

actually not that long a story, but we'll say save it. So this is a

question I get a lot, probably for very

reasonable reasons, because I go by L2. I really

don't care what people call me. Lots of people call me Lauren. Lots of people

call me L2. If you call me L2, I will respond to it. That's kind

of weird. Like, most adults don't go by a nickname that includes

a number. Unless you're like, it's not a number, but unless you're like,

Kesha Dollar Sign. And she doesn't even go by that anymore. She has evolved.

So it is a little bit strange, which is fine. But I do love

it. And I get asked how that started a lot.

And there's the way it started, and then there's the way that a lot of

people assume that it happened. And the way that

people assume that it happened is actually very sweet, and I really enjoy it.

But I say at the beginning of every podcast,

that's another story for another day. So I guess today is that day, because I

will tell you how I became L2. It's not that interesting, but there is a

story about kind of agency and taking back your power that is kind of interesting.

So I started at a job shortly after my dad died. I was the

second Lauren on a team. So that really is, like, the

whole story. I was the second Lauren on a team. There wasn't a whole lot

to tell us apart with, and so they started calling us L1 and L2, and

I became L2. I am still very close with L1. She

has always been a part of my life. She will continue to be a part

of my life. We were thrown together in the world's. One of the world's most

bizarre situations, and it just stuck. And so to this

day, she is somebody that I turn to when I need to be talked off

the ledge. And same for her. L1 and L2 will always be

a thing. And people to this day still call me

L2. And I, you Know, often tell people

to, first off, like, nobody forgets it. There's lots of Lauren

Howards in the world. There are not a lot of L2s in this world. There

was an L3 in Star wars, but that's different. So for five years,

basically, everybody I worked with called me L2. A lot of our

clients called me L2. And if you've been following

me for a while, you know that I kind of left that job unceremoniously and

had a lot of my identity wrapped up in it. I wasn't sure who I

was without that job. I had been convinced prior that I was going to retire

from that job. It was, like, a whole thing. And that part

of the struggle that I had once I left was that I didn't know who

I was. I didn't know what my identity was. I didn't know who I was

allowed to be. I thought I was gonna have to give up this name

that had been mine for so long. And it was like.

It was a silly thing to be devastated by, considering the gravity of

the whole situation. But it really did feel like they had now taken everything from

me, including my name. It felt like that huge.

And so it was a couple days after I left,

and I was feeling my way through, and for some

reason, that was, like, stuck in my head that this was a problem, and this

was, you know, I wasn't going to ever get to be myself again. And actually,

a colleague called, and then a former customer called, and both, when I

answered the phone, said, hey, I'll do. And I was like, oh,

I get to still be that person. Like, they're still going to call me that.

They don't think that that's changed. And it felt like there was something that I

got to keep. There was something from this really horrific experience with

burnout and a toxic work environment and so much workplace trauma

that was mine that I got to keep. So

at that point, it flipped the switch in my brain, and I started. You know,

once my brain turns on, I kind of have a tendency to start pushing buttons,

because it's, like, my thing. I like to push buttons. I realized, no,

I don't have to only be that person in that role. I may have learned

lots of things in that role. I may have done a lot of important work

in that role, but I am not only that person in that role. I have

an identity that is independent of that role. And I can be this person,

this Persona that I've become in this role as well as

out of it. And so I Was like, okay, that's who I am. That's my

name. They don't get to have that. I went online

and playing around with different combinations of L2

and bought L2.com once I figured out how to spell it and what it should

look like and spelled it out, which probably most of you have seen now. E

L L e t w o ell2.com. So I

have my name, L2, and then I have my brand, L2, spelled differently.

And one of the weird things is that I had basically,

for the better part of a decade, actually longer than that, probably almost 15 years,

used a work email as my primary

email, which was stupid, by the way. Don't do that. But it. It just

felt really important to me to be sending emails from

a work domain to show it just. It felt very grown up.

And even in my early 30s, apparently I needed that kind of confirmation.

So part of the goal, because I had been sending

emails to deal with the work separation and all of the paperwork and whatever,

I'd been sending emails from my personal email, which felt like I

didn't even have an email in my married name. My email was my

maiden name because that was how infrequently I had used it since we had gotten

married. And so just. I don't know why, but that particular thing made me feel

so, like, small and insignificant. And so I went out and

filed L2.com and I went and made

Lauren2.com and then changed

over all of the negotiations and the paperwork

and the documents to my new email with what

was kind of a tenuous, somewhat acrimonious

situation. And all of those new emails came from

requesting documents, asking for updates, et cetera. All of it came from

lauren@l2.com, which I know they noticed, and they must have

noticed, because who wouldn't notice that? That's a little weird. It was

like taking back my power. It was like finding the pieces of that identity that

I wanted to keep telling them they could have the rest. I don't want it.

But this part I'm keeping, and you can't take it from me. And we are

coming up on five years of buying that

domain and becoming this

company, organization, plan, whatever, l2.com and

being able to send emails from my own name, the name that I

picked, the name that I was given, the name that became my brand,

the name that I built with my own hands over time,

all of it@l2.com, which was

my way of taking back everything that I

felt had Been taken from me by making me feel small, by making me feel

insignificant, by making me feel like I didn't belong, by showing me the

meaning of what it means to call a woman. Difficult

impact of that, all of it. It was all

wrapped up in this one domain that I got to keep that was mine, and

nobody else was gonna take it. And that's where it came from.

So there is one thing that I have learned about my career that I don't

think is ever gonna change. And I don't know if this is being a painful

introvert. I don't know if this is being baseline,

antisocial. I don't know. But I hate

meetings. I hate them so

much. Even if there is something I

need to accomplish, even if it's a thing that

I'm excited about, even if there's an opportunity to make

money from the meeting, even. It doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter. I hate them. Especially

if it's a standing meeting. The first couple of times, I'll be great with it.

And then, like, the third or fourth or sometimes fifth time,

I can't do it. I just can't do it. I hate it. I start to

feel trapped. I get angry that I have to attend. And

so the other day, I was thinking about why. Because, like, I hate it until

I'm on it. And then when I'm on it, it's fine. I will, like, avoid

it and come up with every reason not to attend and be really,

really miserable about it. Then I get on it, and it's fine. And it was

never a problem. And it was never going to be a problem. I think I

can remember, like, one time ever that I've been on it, it was a problem,

or that, like, I had an actual issue and, like, had a visceral reaction to

being on the call. For the most part, it's just, like, the buildup. And then

when I'm on it, it's totally fine. But I was trying to think about it

the other day because I had a couple of things in the afternoon, and I

was so annoyed that there was anything on my schedule that afternoon. And, like, I

run multiple businesses. I have to do work and stuff. And,

like, the meetings are part of that work. But I realized

that I get so frustrated when I have a lot to do and my work

distracts me from my work. It makes me so

bad. I just have a list of things, and all I want to

do is cross things off the list of things that I have to

do, and I want to do it in

organized fashion. And I want to feel productive. And if I have to stop what

I'm doing and talk to your stupid face, then I don't get to get things

done off of my list. And I live and die by my

list. Now, mind you, I like the calls I

go on almost every time I either meet someone nice, we work

on something, we get something done, we come up with an idea, we finish an

idea. I get information that I need. Like, they're always

productive. It's not like I'm put on, you know, stupid

things that don't require my attention. Like, it's not

that. But I was trying to figure out last

week why I was so annoyed that I had a bunch of

people I had to talk to that day. And I was like, it doesn't have

anything to do with the people I want to talk to them. Doesn't have anything

to do with the topics or things I picked. It doesn't have anything to do

with putting on pants, because I don't do that. Not hard

pants, at least. It is the fact that my work is

distracting me from my work and that is annoying to me.

And I don't like it. And I just want to sit in a

corner and be productive and cross things off my

list and not have to be distracted

by anything, including my actual job.

And so if you find me and I'm grumpy, it could be a lot

of things. First off, feed me. That's usually it. But then if

that doesn't work, just know that there's a

likelihood that I. Not even that I'm in the middle of talking to people.

Because when I'm in the middle of talking to people, I'm great. But there's a

likelihood that I have to talk to someone at some point. And that

means that I am not going to be able to accomplish the inhumane number

of things that I put on my list that day. That's another really important point.

There is never a possibility that any human being, even somebody

who is hyper productive like I am, there is no possibility that anybody is ever

finishing all the things on my list. It is not like

I'm not getting enough work done because I have this phone call. I was

never getting that work done. I wake up in the morning and I'm

like, I could probably do 72 hours of work in the next

eight. That's probably reasonable, right? I have a time turner.

It's fine. I can do this. I'm literally mad

that you're distracting me from the things that I was never going to be able

to get done. Never. I was never going to be able to get it done.

But that's not how my brain feels like you are taking me away from very

important things for other very important things that I need to be doing.

Anyway. Brains are weird. Friends. Brains are weird.

And now we'll go to Alison, who has this week's

small talk. I never know how to navigate a door. When someone

else approaches it at the same time, I want to be polite

and hold it for them. How do you do that? If you're

approaching at the same pace and will arrive at the exact

same moment unless you run ahead and try. To open it, but then it looks.

Like you're being rude and obstructive. Or if you're partway through the door

and neither of you really notices each other until you're kind of in

the doorway and the door opens in. And now you

what? Push past them to hold the door and ease the rest of the way,

Reach your arm up over their head and hold it while looming over them. Maybe

that's just a me scenario because I'm a damn Amazon. Do some kind of tuck

and roll to prevent awkward groping. And do your best to

look less weird by swinging the door open gallantly

and grinning magnanimously. So I have to start by

saying, whoever you are, I love you. Please, please

come be the Morgan Freeman of my existence and just narrate my life

with whatever energy that was. It's really important. So

I actually have two answers to this. And I actually do have answers to this,

which is wild, because I didn't realize that I have answers to this, but I

do. Like, if you had asked me if I had positions on doors, I would

be like, what? I do have one position on doors, which

is that they should not be stupid expensive. Because one time we thought we needed

to replace the front door in our house, and Kyle had some salesman

come over to bring us, like, I don't know, door

samples. I don't know how this works. Anyway, the guy was, like, showing

us all of these, like, very fancy doors. I didn't know fancy

doors were a thing. I was just like, I want it to look like the

one that it does. And I wanted to close and lock and, like, stay locked.

Those are my requirements for a door. Anyway, bro wanted,

like, $8,000 for a front door,

and I was like, will it raise my children? What makes a

door $8,000? Or like, we're not talking about

a castle. We're not talking about a fortress. We are talking about my

suburban house. So I have thoughts on expensive

doors. But on navigating doors I also have thoughts.

So my approach to this is very similar to

my approach to almost everything, which is it's going to be awkward anyway. So

make it more awkward because that at least makes it fun. Just

like acknowledge the fact that this is awkward. Do

whatever. I tend to be the one who always holds the door open and I

will explain why I grab doors all the time. I'm like super

aware of where doors are and if they're closing too fast and if there's somebody

in it, there actually is a reason for that. And so I tend

to be the one who grabs the door. There are lots of times where

gentlemen making an attempt to be chivalrous will like stand behind me

and be like, nope, you go first. And that, that does happen fairly frequently. And

usually I'll just be like, oh, thanks and go. Or I'll say, no, you go,

because I'm waiting for somebody or something. But like, it is a

universally awkward situation. Even for the

smoothest, most put together of people, it

is 100% an awkward situation. I think the only difference

is that like most people forget after they've had the

experience that it was an awkward experience until the next time you end up in

that situation. Whereas this appears to be a thing that is popping up

again and again in your existence and it's bothering you, which really kind of

tells me everything I need to know. But it is like, just acknowledge that

it's awkward. Just be like, I'm going to grab this. Or if

you do rush ahead of them to grab the door and you stop and hold

it open for them, like they'll get it. Sometimes they'll stop and say you first.

And then you can make a decision as to whether you're actually going to go

first. It is a universally awkward experience and there is

no way to resolve that. It's not like when you get to a stop

sign, a four way stop. And like there's actually a rule on who goes first

in that situation. We don't have that for doors. There's no door laws.

You just have to figure it out. And so just do what's

nice. Assume the person maybe could use some

help. Hold open doors for people. Be

aware of where doors are behind you and the

maximum of 10 awkward seconds that you're gonna have

navigating, traversing that doorway with another human being.

So you can handle 10 seconds of awkwardness in a door. But

I will say that I think I knew this, but I haven't really

processed it for a while. But I am hyper aware of doors as well

as door mats and where, like, how doors swing

open and close. But that's because of my dad, because he had

ambulation issues for a long time and he actually tripped in a lot of those

situations and fell, like, traversing

threshold. And so I became really, really

super aware of, like, every time we were walking through a

door with a threshold, if the threshold was raised, if there was a place that

he could trip, if somebody wasn't holding the door, if the door was going to

close too quickly and hit him. Like, it literally. It's part of the reason why

I always hold doors to this day, because my

brain is so trained to hold open the doorway and make sure all the disabled

people get through the doorway. And I'm not using, like, disabled flippantly. Like,

literally the disabled people needed to get through the doorway safely. I mean, I have

very distinct memories of him falling in multiple doorways,

either because, like, a rug came up or because there was a threshold that wasn't

well marked or, you know, he had poor vision. And so we

were always looking out for things that were, like, not even places he could trip.

And so I am hyper aware of doorways

and thresholds that could become problematic. But

back to your original question. Doors are awkward, and so

just lean into the awkward.

As a beverage goblin, I always have multiple drinks on my

desk. Some of them I need to throw out because they're from yesterday. Some

of them are in the way that we do. One for

caffeine, one for flavor, and one for hydration. And for some reason,

they always sit there. And my lack of

depth perception tells me every time that I can definitely

swing the arm out without touching the drinks. The number

of times that I have gone from podcast recording to

steam cleaning my carpet because I

have terrible depth perception. It's a pretty high number. It's a

borderline embarrassing number.