Hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Wedding Lounge podcast.
Today we are talking about RSVPs, I'm licking your RSVPs.
You know what RSVP means?
Me? Yeah.
Responday, civil play.
Responday, voo, civil play.
Oh, can we cut that out?
Responday.
Responday, voo.
Oh, yes, civil play.
It's my planet, isn't it?
Yeah, so respond, you respond, please.
So when people put RSVP, please, it's like, please, please, please, please.
So it always gets me every time.
It's like when someone says pin number.
Pin is personal identification number.
Yes, it's same sort of thing.
So you're saying please when you're saying RSVP,
you don't need to say please RSVP by, which I always find quite interesting.
No.
Really interesting.
Exactly.
I'm getting over excited about it.
I like RSVPs, I do like language,
but I was just not prepared for that take right now.
Copies, isn't it?
Yeah, right.
Moving on after my epic failure of a French lesson.
Yeah.
So your RSVP is, that's interesting, you know,
whether they can or cannot attend.
One of the most important things to think about, to start with,
is being clear on your invitations,
how guests should RSVP?
There are different ways, aren't there?
There are so many different ways.
And guests will also respond in different ways,
and do not argue asking.
Yeah.
So be prepared to either go back and say,
"Please can you RSVP through the website?"
Or can you send us a WhatsApp, if you want,
a WhatsApp communication,
or please respond to the correct email address that we've asked you to?
Or you can include little cards.
You can include nothing, which is traditionally,
and then traditionally you'd get a response back
that's written in the same format as your invitation.
Yes, so you can either ask for a digital response
or from my post.
Yeah.
The nice thing, I think, a lot of people are choosing to do it
through their wedding websites now.
And the nice thing about that,
is that it relates all the information for you.
You can get direct requirements on it.
You can get all the information that you need
to take forward.
Yes.
If there are children coming, if they have pushchairs,
if they have any special requirements.
Need a high chair.
If it's a whole weekend event,
you could put on there,
do they want feeding on the Friday night?
Do they want accommodation?
Do they want transport?
And with something digitally,
you can obviously format it so that they want to respond.
Yes.
So, you know, if you ask people questions,
and then they respond via post,
but they haven't answered everything,
you've then got to chase them.
So, as Natasha says,
doing it through a website and things,
you can make sure that they're providing all the information
that you need.
I think it's also really important to have a realistic
RSVP by date.
Yes.
So, giving your guests a deadline to respond.
But not one that's so sure,
it's tricky for them to reply by.
It's not so long.
They've got so much time that it goes on the fridge
and then they don't look at it again.
And you're still having to chase them.
I typically advise around a month.
I don't know about you.
Yeah, you don't want it too long.
You've also got to think about
who needs that information,
as well as yourself, like caterers,
and when they need it by quite often,
it can be six weeks out, or it could be four weeks.
So, I would always recommend couples to ask for their RSVPs
few weeks before that deadline.
So, they do have time to chase.
And you're not having the caterer chase you.
You've got a bit of a buffer, I guess.
The other thing that you need to wait till you've had
all your guest responses for,
is doing your tableclap?
Yes.
Which is quite a, that is a daunting task on itself.
We've done an episode on how to take it,
hearing people up,
then putting people into fours,
and then working out your tables,
and how to sort of record that.
So, if you haven't done your seating plan yet,
which if you haven't got your RSVPs that you won't.
Yeah.
Then, I'm just a don't bother doing your seating plan
until you have your RSVPs.
No, unnecessary stress.
Yep.
But, yeah, don't have a listen to that seating plan episode as well.
You need to think about your ceremony seating as well.
So, with those special requirements,
if you've got someone who perhaps has broken their leg
and needs a chair in XYZ place,
if you're gathering that information close
enough to the wedding date,
yeah.
Then, you can utilize all that information.
Yes.
Which works out quite nicely.
And as well, if you're doing any sort of booking
accommodation for guests,
I know you mentioned, obviously,
having a wedding weekend and asking for more information
in your RSVP,
but make sure that you've got all that information
and you can get what you need.
Yeah, are they glamping?
How many people are going in there?
Do they need bedding in there?
Or are they going to just bring a block bed themselves?
Yeah.
All of this information that you need to find out,
you might actually need that back a bit earlier.
Yeah.
And then, the important information,
like, if they have any allergies.
Yes, that's quite key.
I mean, most people know their close friends
and whether they've got dietary requirements.
But there's always one that crops up
isn't there that you don't know about.
Well, I had a brilliant one for a client last summer,
where I was using their wedding email address
with all the RSVPs were meant to come.
I was going through reading the RSVPs
and updating the spreadsheet for my couple.
And people weren't putting dietary requirements in.
And then someone just put,
"Oh, you know my dietary requirements."
It's my day.
So, yeah, and even then,
the couple who had only noted her down as Celiac,
but she also had a close intolerance or something.
I can't remember what it was.
And I found that really challenging,
because people just assume, I think, even if,
I know my best friend has a peanut allergy,
but I wouldn't probably be able to just tell you any of my other...
No, I've got my brother's got a banana allergy.
Like, it's the first brand.
Yeah, bananas and kiwis.
Oh, not something you necessarily think of.
So, and then he's like, like, closest family.
Yes, yeah.
So, it's really important that you make it clear to guess.
They need to let you know.
And if your papalus post I find is quite tricky for this one,
when I've used papalus post clients in the past,
it doesn't put...
Who was the dietary requirement?
Yeah.
So, it's making sure that you either go back and clarify
who it is out of the apple or who it is out of the family
as the dietary requirement,
or that guests are saying...
Alison has a nut allergy.
I found that before when RSVPing myself as a guest, digitally.
I mean, this was fair few years ago, so things have come on,
but it just said how many guests do you RSVPing for?
And then, if that's, say, a family of four of you,
but the children are away on a school ski or something,
means they're two, like, it's not.
You need to make it obviously two, it is.
Is it mom and child?
I mean, obviously it's not going to be two children without the two adults.
Why not?
That'll be a great day out.
Sometimes you've got to make sure that it's really clear
as to who is RSVPing and who has the specific allergies and things.
We've touched upon it about just having one place for RSVP,
as you said, if someone then comes up to you and says,
"Oh, yeah, I'm coming.
Make sure they are RSVP in the proper way,
so that they're all in one place."
Yeah.
Because, again, this couple last year,
they had people WhatsAppping,
and then I had guests on the guest list.
And she was, "Oh, no, they've WhatsAppped me since,"
and said that we're not coming.
And I'm like, "Okay, but they've RSVPed officially here,
not updated."
Yeah.
And just let people know.
And it's just, yeah.
Sometimes it's case of too many cases as well.
Like, if they're RSVPing's too many places,
I think if you've just got a blanket response
that you can do, like I say.
Thanks so much.
Really excited you're coming.
Or, "Oh, I'm really sorry, you can't make it."
"Please, could you just go through our wedding website?"
Or, "Please, could you just email Mum?"
Or whoever it is who's collating that information,
just to make sure it's all in one place.
Because as well, if you want to go back
or need to go back and look through all that information,
again, say you've been on holiday for a week,
you're then trying to find all these different RSVPs
to make sure you're up to date as well.
And that can be quite stressful and daunting task.
If you've just got one place to look,
you can see what's on red.
I do also think that sometimes family are the worst at RSVPing.
Yes, they are.
Because they just assume.
I made my parents RSVP because they're like, "Well, you know,
there's always a bother saying you're attending."
Or even like cousins and aunties are like,
"This will be there."
But it's not, of course, because if they hadn't
a holiday band for something, you know,
a graduation speech important.
So I think that it's quite important not to have
too much information on your RSVPs.
Yes.
Sorry.
Yeah.
The Mallory Mallory.
I know you listened to this.
The RSVPs for my brother's wedding had,
I think, without 20 questions.
You have to go through an answer.
Are you coming to the Friday?
Do you require lunch on the Friday?
Do you require dinner on the Friday?
Do you require breakfast on the Saturday?
Do you require lunch on the Saturday?
Are you coming to the Saturday meal?
Do you have any direct requirements?
Do you need transport or you be bringing a car?
There was endless questions at the point where I actually
messaged my sister and daughter to be in.
I was just like, "I don't know the answer to all of these.
What am I supposed to do in all these?"
Yeah, I should.
And obviously for us, because we were kind of part,
bride or party partner, I was like,
"When do I need to say I need feeding?
And when am I being fed?"
It's making sure that you're condensing that information
to keep it simple.
Was you trying to get fed up?
I mean, I got fed up.
I'm just trying to think of the way to do that.
I think initially you could start with,
"Are you actually coming to the wedding?"
And then have like a further...
Yeah, people can actually RSVP going,
"Yes, I'm there."
And then...
With direct requirements.
And then have something either comes out separately
for guests who might be saying Friday or Saturday,
yet to let you know.
Because when we've done our episode on day two
or the night before, we have said,
"Make sure you get proper RSVPs."
So, Mallory is doing that properly.
She is doing it right.
But it's just a lot of...
A lot of information.
Maybe just focus on the actual wedding
and then do something different
for the celebrations surrounding it.
Maybe once you've...
Because then you might have had a chance
to have conversations with her
and know what you are.
This also went out with the Save the Day.
And not the invitation hasn't come out yet.
Well, so that was the Save the Day.
Yeah.
You don't ask for responses normally
of the Save the Day, do you?
Or more of my couples are.
No.
I'm sure I've said this before
that I don't believe in Save the Day.
Yes.
I feel that you're close friends
and the people you really want there,
you will tell the date too.
And for everyone else,
they'll either find out that information.
But things change in the years of a year
and sending out those Save the Days.
You might have a couple who split up in that time.
Who are you then inviting?
Are you inviting both of them?
Are you inviting them separately?
How does that work?
I just think there's so much
that can happen in the space of a year.
It's not necessarily worth sending Save the Days
on getting RSVPs to them.
Oh, yeah.
I tend to think of Save the Days
as just going out, saving the date.
And if it's not that worried about saving the date,
don't save the date.
But if it's someone who is important
for fraud, by doing.
Yeah, definitely.
Or sending out the invitation far enough.
I think people are so keen
to make sure everyone is coming.
They get, I think people try really hard
to make sure everyone comes.
Yeah.
And it's just not going to be that way.
They might even RSVPs saying they're coming
and then they step down with an illness the week before.
And that's another thing with managing RSVPs.
You're going to have to keep it updated.
Someone might RSVPs, yes.
But then that might be,
it might be a great answer and auntie
and they've been waiting for an operation.
And then they find out sort of two months before.
Actually, that operation is going to take place that week
and they won't be able to come.
Yeah, I remember at the time my late mother-in-law
was waiting for an operation
and we told her the wedding date and she was like,
well, she said I might be having an operation a few weeks before.
And we were like, well, you need to come.
And you know, you're wheelchair, whatever you need.
Or just could you have the operation afterwards?
She was like, hey, you know,
it wasn't like a life-threatening surgery.
Something that and you do get some flexibility
of saying date won't work for me.
I'm sure if they said, if she said it was my son's wedding
two days after the operation date,
they'd say, okay, we'll look at the following week.
Yeah, but people do change.
And so it's also important to update your list regularly.
Yeah. And how would you suggest to couples?
How do you manage RSVP lists?
I have a spreadsheet and I put it on a Google drive
for my clients and I to look at so that they can update
because it depends.
Some people like receiving WhatsApp,
in which case I'm obviously not really involved in that.
It's obviously their personal phones
or if it's being posted to the parent's house
unless they give them to me.
If it's an email address that I have access to,
I will update her.
I guess you could still have that Google sheet set up,
though, and you can share it with it.
It's going to the mother of the bride's house, for example.
Well, she could update it, exactly.
But my biggest bug bet is when people do spreadsheets
and they put the first name and the second name
the same as now.
Well, I know it's--
We actually have to edit.
Oh, yeah, I then literally make it.
So it's got, or people use nicknames.
Yes.
And you know, I have--
And then the RSVP comes through and it's not from nicknames.
Yes, and you're trying to do this person.
Exactly.
I think use proper names.
If they have a nickname, put it in brackets somewhere.
Or like notes that it's obvious.
But I would 100% say have your first name and second name
in separate columns.
Because then when you want to put it in an alphabetical list
or put it in by tables, it's just so much easier
to manipulate the data in different ways
if it's already separated.
That is my most important thing.
And I mean, I've got a client this year
and they're keeping track of who they've
sent, say, if the date's too, but just on one of the couple's
phones, not in a spreadsheet.
And so she was like sending a screenshot to mother-in-law
to make sure that she had sent.
And I said, just send me what you have.
And I will put it in a separate notes.
Is it a list on notes?
Yeah, I think so, very right.
Did you know you can share that so that multiple people couldn't
edit it?
I don't know.
So Chris and I have done this because Chris is useless
at opening up a computer.
So us having Excel spreadsheets doesn't work.
But when we've had parties in the past,
we've done a list in notes with bullet points
that you can tick off.
But it's a shared note.
I do know this because when I helped you
with that wedding back in 2022, you were like,
ah, the to-do list is on notes, but I don't have an iPhone.
Ah, and do you remember I couldn't get it?
I was like, sorry, I have a paper in.
Because you were like, "Tick it off jobs."
You're like, "Tick it off and I've done them."
And I was like, "I can't do that.
I have Android."
For the days of our plan, I wasn't up.
Yeah.
But no, definitely have it saved somewhere.
And what are the columns?
Is useful information.
So I have, on my spreadsheet, first name, last name,
relationship to the couple.
Yeah, you don't need to fill it in for everyone.
Some people literally put Sam's friends, Nicolas's friends.
I don't need to know all of that.
Just step mom, mother, cousin, brides,
maid, maid of honour, niece or something.
Just the key ones.
Then I have, on my columns, I have,
whether the safe the date's been sent.
I don't care what they just need to be sent.
Like in my eyes, I don't think I need an ISVP.
Then when the invitation sent, what was the response?
And then obviously any allergies, any notes,
whether they're children, whether they need transport,
ceremony, seating, it's quite a, quite a document.
Yeah, that's what do you do.
Similar sort of thing.
So I have first name, surname, address.
OK.
As well.
And then you can move that column or hide that column.
Then it's there in one thing that I think I do play address on there.
If the, when the invitation's been sent, RSVP received
no, not received, no actual requirements, additional notes,
transport, if they're going for transport.
Yeah, if you're not providing transport for anyone, you don't need to.
No, I'm the same with accommodation as well.
Yes, but exactly the same sort of thing.
Like as much of that information as you can gather is better
and having it in one space.
And one spreadsheet, yes.
And then you can just play with it.
Like you can move it.
If you have it in notes or something, then you can't,
you can't, you can't do a lot with that with the day.
No, I mean, I know you can do your table planning as well.
From that same Excel spreadsheet,
you can copy and paste the names into another document,
read them all into the tables.
And then you could also then put the table numbers.
Yeah, or names next to, yeah, I guess.
Yeah, I have the table once that's sorted.
And then you can actually just rearrange the spreadsheet
so that I have, on the day, I make sure I have a list of guests
by table and a list of guests by A to Z.
So that if someone's going, oh, gosh, where am I sat?
You go, what's your name? Oh, fine.
I mean, this was one that's my party of 500 people in the market.
You know, we had dreams and dreams of paper.
But I needed to know who's on what table to help set it up.
Yeah.
And then also lists of where people are.
So I can easily find that table.
I'm not just looking through random lists.
Yeah.
I also think it's quite important when you're receiving your RSVP.
Set yourself deadlines of when you will chase people.
Yes.
So just keep thinking to chase people, go one week after the RSVP deadline,
we will chase everyone.
Yeah.
Two weeks after we'll chase everyone.
My favourite is it was a friend rather than a client put on their invitation
under their RSVP if we don't hear from you by XYZ date.
Bring a chair and a sandwich, which I thought was so good.
Because it's so true, like unless you receive that information,
you can't be expected to pay for--
No, catering someone, and it's not that you don't want them there.
And if there's physical space, then yes, but there wouldn't be a seat.
And there wouldn't be anything.
I wait to see the day that someone actually brings a chair and a sandwich.
I'd love that.
Yeah.
That would be-- that would be brilliant.
Natasha.
What is your puppet when thinking about managing RSVPs?
I think you need to start with your spreadsheets when you do your guests.
So start that document and make it a manageable document that can be used for everything.
Yeah.
You only need one.
You don't need to copy names, XYZ places.
Lots of my couples still do it in a notebook and paper.
Yeah.
You're not coming across that yet.
And then they send me pictures.
Yes.
So much.
So I have that with--
I had seating plans.
Some of them wanted to picture.
Yeah.
A lot of us.
So much easier being on a spreadsheet.
And if you have access to Google Drive, where you can then make it a shareable document for
other people to edit as well, then it's problem shared as a problem halved.
Yeah.
My only thing with Google Drive is just making sure that you're aware that people make changes
sometimes because especially if you're the bride or if you're the wedding planner, then
you want to know what changes have been made.
Yeah.
So sometimes I set it just so people can comment and then I-- but I did that with one of my
couples last year, where it was so confusing.
We went through the guest list about 20 times because I was like, where are we mismatched
on guest numbers because of how she'd got RSVPs in person.
But I had it so she commented so that I could literally acknowledge in my head and make
the changes and knew that that had been dealt with.
There you go.
That's the way to do it then.
Definitely.
So that is my top tip.
Amazing.
Right.
Next week, we have the amazing Suzy Ethernet.
And there's going to be three planners on the show, three wedding planners.
I love Suzy too.
We will see you then.