I'm gonna say something today that might make you sit up a little straighter because you may have never thought about it.

But your doctor is not your boss.

They are not your authority figure, and they are not the decision maker of your birth.

They are your medical consultant.

And if it feels uncomfortable to hear this, this episode is especially for you because one of the biggest reasons women walk away from birth feeling powerless isn't the pain.

It's not the interventions, it's not even complications.

It's understanding informed consent and understanding that they have rights.

So today we're breaking it down clearly, calmly, and of course, confidently.

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Hi, I'm Trish Ware, also known as Labor Nurse Mama.

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I've spent over 16 years as a high risk labor and delivery nurse, and I traveled all over the country.

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I've also given birth six times myself.

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And my mission is to help you walk into your birth informed and confident.

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And what I've learned both at the bedside and in my own births and just recently my daughter's birth, is this confidence changes the room.

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Let me tell you a story.

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I had a student who was a first time mom when she came to me.

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She had joined the fearless birth experience.

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She was absolutely planning a scheduled C-section, not because she had a medical reason, but because she was terrified.

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Fear was driving her decision.

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She joined my five days to a fearless birth experience and something shifted when she understood how birth works and how to look at the pain of labor, how to navigate your options when she understood.

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Informed consent.

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Her fear didn't disappear, but it flipped.

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She realized she did not want a C-section.

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She wanted an unmedicated vaginal delivery.

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Talk about a switch, right?

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Her doctor was shocked, and here's where this gets powerful.

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Around 36 weeks, her provider says, you know, it's time to start our weekly cervical exams and calmly without a ton of words.

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She said, no thank you.

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I don't feel that's necessary right now.

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She understood that cervical exams in late pregnancy are absolutely optional, and she understood that dilation at 36 weeks doesn't predict when labor will start.

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She understood her right to decline and she kept calmly sticking to her decisions.

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Through the end of pregnancy, at 41 weeks, she goes into spontaneous labor and when she arrives at the hospital, she was three centimeters dilated.

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And she smiled and said, see, it wouldn't have mattered if we checked.

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She went on to have a beautiful unmedicated birth, and in the room, her doctor kept saying, you're the boss.

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You're the boss.

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But here's the key.

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She wasn't controlling, she wasn't being negative, she wasn't combative.

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She wasn't difficult, and I say like difficult.

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She was informed and informed women move differently in their birth.

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So let's talk about what informed consent actually means.

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'cause I think there's a lot of confusion when it's about that it's not just signing a paper when you're admitted, it means you have a right to understand what is being recommended.

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Know the benefits, know the risks.

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Here are the alternatives so that you know them and know what happens if you do nothing.

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You have a right to ask questions.

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You have a right to say yes.

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You have a right to say no or say, I need a minute.

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I need time.

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That is not being difficult and I feel like we have been made to feel, especially women, that when we question.

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I say authority that you are being difficult, but that's not true.

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This is your legal and ethical, right, as a patient in every stinking setting, every hospital.

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So why doesn't it feel that way?

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Because you know, labor is vulnerable, you're in pain, you're tired, and things are moving quickly, and sometimes.

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I've seen this so many times over the course of my career.

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Recommendations are presented like orders.

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Like you don't have a choice.

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We need to start Pitocin, let me check your cervix.

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We're gonna break your water.

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It's time to push.

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We have to do a C-section.

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Language matters.

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And when something is framed as urgent, most people comply automatically.

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Not because they agree or even understand, but because they trust authority.

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That is human psychology.

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But the truth of the matter is your provider has the expertise.

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They went to school for years, so yes they do.

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And they've seen thousands of birth.

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That does matter.

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It absolutely does.

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But you are the one giving birth that uterus.

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Girl, it belongs to you.

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And your body is yours.

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The baby is yours.

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The decision is yours.

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A good provider explains recommendations and welcomes questions.

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They don't make you feel bad for that.

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They don't fear the questions, when you are informed, you ask better questions.

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And some of you guys have listened to my episode about my daughter's provider telling her that she had to be induced or we'd have a dead baby.

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And when we asked questions, we felt guilty like she made us feel bad.

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But here's the truth.

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Advocacy is not yelling, it's not arguing, it's not refusing everything.

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It's asking calm, grounded questions.

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And my daughter and I both stayed calm.

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I was having a hard time though, you know?

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But here's some things that you can do.

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You can say, can you help me understand why this is recommended right now?

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Which we did.

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What are the risk if we wait?

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Is this urgent?

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Or do we have time to think?

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And are there any alternatives?

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Those four questions shift the energy of the room.

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Typically, and it turns it into a collaboration.

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Now, let me be clear and why I teach my students how to read the room is that there are true emergencies in birth.

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There are moments where time matters, but even in urgent situations, you deserve explanation and usually someone on the team is there to do that with you and your family.

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You all deserve communication.

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Urgency does not remove your dignity or your rights.

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Most birth trauma isn't about what happened, it's about how it happened.

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So women have said to me, no one told me.

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I didn't know.

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I could say no.

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I felt railroaded.

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I felt small.

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You guys, the dms I've gotten when it comes to this is like insane.

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These are not pain problems.

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These aren't, you know, labor problems.

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It's consent problem.

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You guys know I have my puppies and my coffee.

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Okay?

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When you understand informed consent, before labor starts, you walk in differently.

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You listen differently, you decide differently.

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Just like my student, she wasn't rebellious, she was informed, and when she was informed, her fear turned into power.

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The thing about it is it's too late.

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Once you're in labor.

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When you're in labor, your only job is to labor and to pull on the resources of what you've learned.

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So I want you to leave with this.

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You are not difficult for asking questions.

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You're not dramatic for wanting clarity.

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You are becoming a freaking mom.

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That's the most powerful role in the world.

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And informed consent is part of protecting that transition.

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Your doctor is not your stinking boss.

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You are the decision maker.

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When you walk into your birth, understanding that you become calm and you are more respected because you respect your power and you feel confident, and that changes everything.

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So right now, take a deep breath.

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You deserve to understand what's happening.

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You deserve to participate.

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You deserve to be spoken to with respect and honor, and your voice is the most powerful voice in that room, whether it's inside your head or coming out your mouth.

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I really hope that this episode landed with you and I want you to know, and if you did listen to my daughter's story and how I sat there in that room, I'm Labor Nurse Mama y'all, and I teach you how to handle this, and it still affected me.

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I see you and I know it's really hard.

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To speak up.

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And I know it's hard to challenge authority, especially when they're using coercive or bully tactics, honestly.

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But you have a right, and you don't have to explain yourself.

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You're allowed to say yes, you're allowed to say no.

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So if this episode resonated with you, I would ask that you share it with someone else who is pregnant.

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Because believe it or not, a lot of people do not understand that they're the boss.

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They don't.

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So I want them to know that.

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Make sure you hit subscribe, leave a review, and as always, I'll see you again next week.

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Bye for now.