00:00:09 Nazish: Welcome to Inner Peace Betterhealth, where we explore the quiet connection between mind, body and wellbeing. I am Nazish and today I am joined by Mridula Agarwal, a trauma recovery and inner alignment specialist with over two decades of experience helping people understand their emotional, mental and bodily responses. We often believe our reactions are the problem, some problem, something to suppress, fix or outgrow. But what if our reactions are actually messengers? What if the tightness, the overwhelm, and the sudden emotional wave is pointing us towards freedom rather than away from it? we explore what it means to listen. Listen inwardly and how alignment begins. Our conversation is about inner alignment, how decoding a reaction can lead us out of inner conflict into freedom. Welcome to the show.

00:01:11 Mridula Agarwal: Thank you. Lovely to be here. And thank you for the beautiful introduction.

00:01:17 Nazish: You're very welcome. So to begin gently, when someone comes to you and saying, I just want peace, what do you usually notice is happening beneath that wish?

00:01:30 Mridula Agarwal: See, a lot of time people come and they say, I just want peace. Sometimes people are referring to I don't want to live into the problems that I have. That means they want to run away from their problem. To them, that feels like peace. Sometimes people come over and they say, brother, I just want peace. Like I want my all the work and to do list to be complete. And I want to be on the top of things. Sometimes that looks like peace. Sometimes people come to me and then they say, I want peace. And what they really mean by that is that my life has been through hell. And just. I want one day where I can just be me. I can breathe freely without suffocated, without, you know, feeling suffocated, without something invisible, weighing a ton on my body, without me having to have panic attacks during the day or during the night. And I just want peace so that I can just breathe and be normal. And quite often, every time I come across this person, I just want peace. It speaks a volume about where they are in their life, in their course of life, what must have had happened with that person to feel so tied up, to feel so tied down that they do not feel at peace within themselves. And often I investigate. I ask questions, okay, where exactly are you liking this piece? Or what do you mean by you know, what do you want to be peaceful? And that is where, you know, they begin opening up. You know, I wish my my relationship is like this. We end up fighting a lot or I hate my job, I hate my work. Or it could be a pending health crisis. Or sometimes people are so disoriented they could even come up to me and say, hey, I don't know, but something feels blue. I really don't know. And on the surface of it, everything looks fine in their life. They are doing good job, they have steady incomes, they have a house. They have spouses or parents or children that they are living with. They have a steady friend circle. And by the looks of it, everything looks okay, but they still don't have peace. Now that calls for a greater questioning. That calls for a greater insight. Exactly what is making them so trapped inside their own life? Is it stress or is it trauma? Or is it lack of alignment? Or is it something else which they are not able to figure out, which is giving them this kind of suffocation or lack of peace in their life?

00:04:19 Nazish: That sounds such an honest perspective to this conversation. You know, so often, uh, we keep longing for peace is really to, you know, longing to feel safe inside ourselves.

00:04:33 Mridula Agarwal: Mm.

00:04:34 Nazish: True. Yeah. Many of us believe that aligned means being calm all the time. What do you see as the biggest misunderstanding people have about inner alignment?

00:04:47 Mridula Agarwal: See inner alignment. If you have inner alignment, you may have peace. Okay. At the as an outcome of it. And when I say inner alignment, it means having to make a lot of decisions, a lot of high quality decisions with which you are absolutely congruent. You know your mind, your body, your soul. They should exactly be at the same level. So I'll give you an example, a hypothetical example. Let's say someone is a college grad. They're studying in a university, let's say in abroad. And the environment that they are in is very hostile. Maybe there is economic challenges. There is. There are social misfits, uh, the curriculum or whatever they had hoped out of it is not looking that great. Whatever. Now, let's say a student, a postgraduate student is stuck is in that environment hoping to make a career out of themselves. And during the entire journey, let's say somebody feels, uh, sting of reality, they may feel that world economy at large may not have sufficient places for them to get absorbed post their, uh, completion. The hopes that they had of settling down in this country may be dismantled because of the recent government policy changes, or maybe because of whatever reason, they don't want to settle down there because of social factors, weather conditions, whatever. And now they also realize they have taken up so much loan or financial obligations just to be here. A part of them will also feel conflicted that, can I drop all of this and go back home? And I have already incurred a loan of crores just to study abroad. Wouldn't I look like a failure if I go abroad, go back home? And if I do, what kind of career awaits me there? Now you are trapped. This is. This is the kind of thing which will really blow away your night's sleep and will be exactly opposite of peace in your life, because seemingly everything is looking good on the surface of it. You are studying in a prestigious college, in a faraway university. Your parents have put together all your all their resources and everything is going good. And everybody is like waiting for you to graduate and land that dream job and start to earn millions and billions and whatever. But deep down, you know, that's not going to happen. And you feel heavy. Now in this situation, alignment would mean you have to make a decision. Do you really want to do this? Let's say yes. You want to do this, then what are your reasons for doing this? Is it the campus? Is it the prestige? Is it the name? Is it the subject that really calls you. Let's say it's the subject that really calls you. Then where else can you do it if you don't want to be here? What exactly it is that you want to do? Once you do this, let's say I want to land a job. Do I have a prospect of taking a job in this country? Let's say yes. Do you want to be here? You have to investigate within yourself your reasons and your body. Whatever it is trying to tell you, let's say you can find a job in the career. Prospects are good and everything, but you're really, really, really uncomfortable with the culture of that place, with the social class of that place. Then you need to listen to your body, okay? Do not shrug it off because those things will give you long term consequences, which is going to take away your mental peace. And it will for, for, for whole life you'll be kicking yourself. Had I just listened to myself and gone back or not settled here, I would have been much better. This is a classic example of being out of alignment, and here the alignment needs to come from within knowing who you are. What do you want? What do you want to do? What are your reasons for doing certain things in certain way? And then to find permutation, combination or variety of various options, pick up options which allow you to settle down all the variables in a way that is comfortable to you. That will give you peace and success and health, all three in one straight line.

00:09:14 Nazish: Absolutely. You know, and the way you have explained it to us and to our listeners so beautifully, and you've made it sound so easy for us to believe and learn from it. And the powerful alignment, you know, that is so powerful that alignment is in the absence of reaction, but a relationship with it. And that really reframes the whole journey ahead.

00:09:37 Mridula Agarwal: Yes, true. So even if someone is having a reaction, see, I get a lot of people who have some diseases, like for example, uh, even these children for that matter, they come to me saying that, you know, um, one of the client mother came to me that the child has eczema or psoriasis kind of condition all over his skin. And child is only fifteen years old. Okay. And the and they started a barrage of complaint about this child's behavior and this and that and how he screams, how he doesn't listen, how he is addicted to his mobile and this and that. You know, I spoke to the child for ten minutes, and I noticed that there is so much of resentment this child is holding because his parents is expecting him to become someone, someone to be something. And for that they are placing certain disciplinary action upon the child. This is the intention of the parent. But how the child is taking it is he's feeling caged, his feeling. I, uh, angry, he's feeling frustrated. And because they are elders, he cannot shout back. Even if he does end up shouting back. He gets reprimanded for just expressing or just venting out because it was loud. Because, you know, as a culture we feel it's disrespectful. You are reacting. Nobody will be able to see that you are suffocated. You are feeling, um, I would say chained up. You feel that your freedom is taken away. Nobody is able to see that what is looked upon on the surface is aggression. The reaction now surfaces are quite deceptive, okay? Things can look anything, but the reality could be totally opposite. And because he was holding so much of resentment within himself, not only his reactions were off, his whole body was reacting to that anger that he was holding, that I'm not allowed to go out. I'm not allowed to, you know, talk to my friends for hours. Every child goes out and you know they are just partying. Why exactly am I being asked to be inside the home and study all the time? And the parents request is very simple and reasonable. You just study, become crack an exam, become something, and then the whole life is really at your doorstep. Okay, do whatever you want. And though the both the sides, the intentions are good, honest and simple, it is still causing conflict and reaction. Here the alignment doesn't just need to happen from within. It also needs to happen at an ecosystem level wherein all the parties concerned can come up to a conclusion and a decision on how to balance everything as a family, not just as one person in a separate compartment. So alignment has to be both inside and outside.

00:12:22 Nazish: that is so true. You know, let's just stay with that for a moment. When reactions feel Automatic or overwhelming. Where do you where do they usually originate from your perspective?

00:12:37 Mridula Agarwal: So. Well, what we call as reaction is something we call as emotion. So for example, uh, mother in the home is getting really angry that the whole house is in mess, and she's extremely angry at her husband, at her and at her children. Now, talk to me. Now tell me the emotion over here is anger. She's getting angry. That's a reaction. What could be the possible reason? What could be the feeling underneath it? That could be making her angry. Take a guess.

00:13:12 Nazish: It could be. Sometimes, you know, it could be the little things or the bigger things that could make a person angry.

00:13:20 Mridula Agarwal: Yeah, but that's a reaction or an emotion. What could be the reason behind the, uh, the feeling? So, for example, the feeling can be I have to do everything. Nobody helps me.

00:13:33 Nazish: Yeah.

00:13:34 Mridula Agarwal: You understand? That's the feeling.

00:13:35 Nazish: Yes, yes, yes.

00:13:36 Mridula Agarwal: What other feeling can be there if someone is showing anger in this situation? What all feeling can be there?

00:13:44 Nazish: That someone is feeling that you know they're there alone.

00:13:50 Mridula Agarwal: And yeah, they feel unsupported.

00:13:53 Nazish: Yeah. They feel unsupported without. And just always on the giving end. Never on the receiving end of things.

00:14:00 Mridula Agarwal: Perfect. That second third can be they are willing to do everything, but they feel taken for granted.

00:14:07 Nazish: Yeah. That is a very common. Common. Yeah. That happens to a lot of us.

00:14:14 Mridula Agarwal: And people may feel uh, maybe showing anger or emotion emotionally will make them look stupid. Yeah. Okay. Uh, so suppose someone is showing a pattern that they feel they have to do everything. Nobody else works. That is the underlying feeling. Yeah. For them to become angry on the surface. Now your question is where is the root cause of it, isn't it? Now, this person in their childhood, in their whole history, maybe they have they were the eldest in their family and whole of responsibility of the younger siblings were kept on them. You are the eldest one. You need to take care because of which their personality got shaped up and they were always the ones who were in charge, taking responsibility, doing everything. And that became normal in their life and others started to take take them for granted. One day they blasted. Now, is there anything wrong with their blast? Should they be blasting or should they suck up?

00:15:17 Nazish: You know, the I believe that. You know, it builds up so much that it has to just come out.

00:15:25 Mridula Agarwal: Yeah, but is there at a pattern level when we are talking about alignment or peace or reactions and actions, there is always a pattern. If this person continues to take up all the responsibility, what will be the impact of it on their children and on their spouses as a family? What will be the loss? Take a guess.

00:15:51 Nazish: Family. Um, it could be being in a in that environment.

00:15:58 Mridula Agarwal: So they'll raise children who don't know how to do anything.

00:16:03 Nazish: Yeah, communication would be an issue.

00:16:07 Mridula Agarwal: Maybe communication wouldn't be an issue. Maybe the mother could be shouting at the top of or volume or top of her lungs that neighbors can hear her. Pick up your clothes, put your bottles in the place, do your homework. Maybe she's screaming because of frustration. That anger is very visible, but the energy that is required to lead someone to develop good habits, to raise children in a way that they also learn to take responsibility and contribute, meaning they should be able to find their own strength and learn that they will not be able to nurture. They will always be in a, you know, complete the work mode and getting frustrated in the whole process.

00:16:46 Nazish: Yeah. Yes.

00:16:49 Mridula Agarwal: Yeah.

00:16:50 Nazish: Yeah.

00:16:50 Mridula Agarwal: And then this kind of spouse, what kind of relationship will they have with their partner?

00:16:57 Nazish: A similar sort of a relationship that they have seen, you know, not not like over healthy or like over giving maybe.

00:17:05 Mridula Agarwal: Maybe the partner is also taking up a lot of load, maybe financial burden, maybe other responsibilities of other, you know, social responsibilities or whatever. But the person who is at home or whoever is feeling I am the one who is doing everything, will not be able to pay attention to the fact that other person is also contributing to the table because they're so stuck up in their own frustration. And even if, let's say, the person, either this may happen or this may happen, that the husband or the other spouse may feel, oh yeah, she's doing everything. What is my requirement of doing anything at home? So they may raise a partner who is completely indifferent and oblivious to the household responsibilities?

00:17:50 Nazish: Actually, yes.

00:17:52 Mridula Agarwal: So you have enabled the behavior that, you know, at home, someone is there holding the fort, and I'm free to go.

00:18:00 Nazish: Home.

00:18:01 Mridula Agarwal: Because you have again failed to not only, uh, course, correct your own tendencies, but you have also ended up enabling other persons with the wrong tendencies. So the reaction that you are giving, you have to break out of the reaction. That's the first most thing. And then underlying whatever is the root cause, wherever it might be coming from, maybe it came from your childhood experiences. but at that point of time, situation was different. You're no longer the same person. You're no longer in the same environment. You no longer are being given the same responsibility by your mother. Now you have become a mother or a parent or a sibling. Whatever you are now based on that, you have to work from a clean slate and not feel and also empower and enable other people who are working with you so that you can raise a better ecosystem around you. Whether it is your colleagues, your friends, your family, whoever it is. So the pattern to the core will come from you. The reaction is something that others will see, and nobody in this world in today's time is perceptive enough. Or like they do not even have empty mental spaces at the moment, that they can even look past your reaction. You will just be misjudged and mislabeled. That will only just add salt to the wound, I would say.

00:19:25 Nazish: You know, I believe that responses aren't random at all. You know, just like you said that they're they're learned, stored and often protective and understanding that changes are. Understand, you know, how we meet ourselves.

00:19:41 Mridula Agarwal: Mm.

00:19:43 Nazish: So, uh, for anyone listening right now who feels stuck in the same emotional loop, what might change if you treated your reactions as guide rather than as obstacles?

00:19:58 Mridula Agarwal: So someone who is stuck in a reaction mode. These people, they are just, you know, they are uh, they are just sitting at the top of a tip of an iceberg. If at all they will do deep dive work. They will be able to get off from that iceberg, go within the ocean and dissolve the whole iceberg. There is a deeper layer within that. And once you remove all of it, then the whole ocean is clear for you to post. And it's not just one chain of reaction. You know, when somebody starts getting angry over everything. You will see that whole person becomes angry. If someone is indifferent in one area of their life because of one reaction, because this is the way of dealing with one person, consequently, they may start replicating that behavior everywhere. And once those loops are broken, they become people, become more attentive. They become more involved. They are able to create life out of their conscious efforts, going in the direction they want to go, rather than being just caught up in the action reaction series and, you know, full series drama. So it becomes a very conscious living. It becomes very automatic. You will have a lot of plethora of options to behave from. Choices will become open to you how you want to look, how you want to talk, how you want to deal with the situation. You will not be slave to your own mechanisms.

00:21:18 Nazish: you know are in alignment begins when we stop fighting our reactions and start listening to wisdom they carry.

00:21:28 Mridula Agarwal: True.

00:21:29 Nazish: So, you know, uh, if someone starts know if someone notices a strong a strong reaction rising, like you said, anger, fear, shutting down. What is the first gentle step that they can take instead of judging or fixing it?

00:21:46 Mridula Agarwal: See, usually. See, I have tried hundreds of modalities of yoga, meditation, breathwork, counseling, talking this and that. Okay, there are a lot of things and I will not go into the random details of each and every modality. But in my opinion and in my personal experience also, uh, your emotions are trying to tell you something and rather than trying to sit with it, understand it, deal with it, at the core of it, the work you have to do is, is to change it. And I work in the domain of energy, okay? I work with Reiki, I work with chakras. I work with Kundalini awakening, I work with past lives. I work with so many other things and everybody is on a journey of many, many lifetimes and everybody is carrying a certain energy. I don't know, and you don't know what is giving them that anger or that emotion that they are stuck in. But the role of energy is simple. Energy can neither be created nor be destroyed. It is only transmuted from one form to another. And the moment you do even basic energy work and change that energy, that is immediately like in ten, fifteen, twenty minutes, the loop breaks. It's something so simple like that. So just take some Reiki energy, some chakra balancing. Do something that will give you that break or rather break through, I would say.

00:23:07 Nazish: the the pause you are describing brings awareness without force, which feels like the doorway to alignment itself.

00:23:16 Mridula Agarwal: Yes, true.

00:23:18 Nazish: So for our listeners who want to explore this work more deeply, where can they connect with you?

00:23:25 Mridula Agarwal: So we do have a clarity call. They can connect with me there and they can explore. We can together explore where they can go, wherever they are currently and what is the next step for them. And maybe they can also connect to us in case they are just in dire need. And they just want healing. No conversation, just a reset, just a change, just some relief. Then we also have a Saturday weekly healing course at a very nominal rate. They can connect us there too. And in whatever ways, you know, is their journey planned for them? They can then continue from there. It's a very open and very simple thing.

00:24:03 Nazish: Wonderful. I will make sure to include all these details into the show notes, so that a lot of people can reach out to you and learn this beautiful. Be a part of this beautiful journey with you.

00:24:14 Mridula Agarwal: Thank you so much, Nazish.

00:24:15 Nazish: Yes, thank you so much for spending your time with us on inner peace, better health. It was such a grounding conversation with you.

00:24:24 Mridula Agarwal: Lovely being here to Nazish. It was pleasure. Pleasure speaking to you.

00:24:28 Nazish: Same. And dear listeners, as you move through your day, notice what arises within and meet it with curiosity rather than resistance. Peace often grows from that simple shift. So until next time, take gentle care of it.