This is a Global Player original podcast.

Well, hello, it's Joanne McNaughty from the podcast.

My therapist ghosted me with my co host.

Also from the podcast.

My therapist ghosted me.

We've done something new.

My special guest with my very special guest.

Thank you, my return contributor.

Thank you for having me.

As always, I appreciate your time.

No problem, Vogue.

No problem.

Just keep sending those invoices in.

Just a flag, Joe, as he, well, isn't here this week.

He is on his holidays with his family, who he cares more about than us, which makes sense because that's how it works.

Enjoy your holidays, Joe.

They'll probably be over by the time this goes out, so.

Huh.

Will they.

I wonder where he is.

He tells nothing.

No, he's.

I know.

I know where he is.

Jersey.

He tells me nothing.

He went to Jersey.

Oh, nice.

It's nice and sunny over there.

It feels very Francey over there because it's near France.

Is he on?

Is he.

Is he out there committing tax fraud or is he just relaxing?

No, they've really tightened the range there in the tax fraud there, to be honest with you.

So I doubt it's not.

He's gonna go.

He's going to Dubai instead.

People are flock to Dubai.

Flocking.

Some tax breaks going on out there, but I couldn't live in a hair dryer for half the year.

I couldn't do it.

What.

Why do you mention.

Thanks for reminding me.

I have a show on sale in Dubai if anyone cares to join.

God, I do.

I do.

Like, tickets are at all the event, all the, all the usual places.

I pulled a Joan.

What.

What does that mean?

I'm sure it's going to be highly insulting.

Tell me you've rubbed off on me.

So basically I have gorgeous new garden furniture.

I've treated myself after five years of the old one and, and I came home today, I was like, yes, the coffee table's here.

Went outside.

It's a ginormous dining table.

And I wonder.

I thought it was a quite an expensive coffee table.

I was like, why is that so expensive?

I was like, it'd be worth it.

Be worth it.

How big are we talking?

Are we talking Alice in Wonderland size?

Like there's, it's.

There's no way I can try and get away with it as a coffee table.

And I told them to take the boxes because I was like, take the boxes.

So I'm desperately trying to get in touch with somebody for them to swap it.

And I just, I just feel.

I just feels something.

You would Do.

Well, I had to get.

I had to get a friend in to measure my walls for all this furniture.

I'm trying to get into the flat ahead of this TV episode that I'm doing.

And even still, she was trying to teach me how to do it.

And I was like, do you know what it is?

It's sums, it's maths, it's numbers.

My brain just refuses to compute them.

It might as well be Arabic.

It might as well be Latin.

It might as well be WI FI codes.

I can't make any sense.

And because I know I'm not good at it, I have no interest in even trying.

Like, I gave up.

I remember years.

Like years ago when I was a very young child, my father, God restless, though, was trying to teach me Unhappy Father's Day.

That's.

Is it not.

Is it the American Father's Day, or is it the.

No, it's.

It's European.

Late into the night in the kitchen, like, with one.

One bulb lit up over the kitchen table.

All the rest of the house dark.

It was like I was being.

It was like an FBI interrogation.

He was like, why can you not understand this?

And I was like.

He was trying to teach me math.

I was like, I'm so sorry.

I just don't get it.

And that's why I can't measure anything.

And that's why everything in my fat is six times the size it's supposed to be.

But you know what?

I'm manifesting a bigger house for myself, even though I don't believe in manifesting.

Well, I've got the perfect dining table for you if you were considering purchasing anything new.

Absolutely, I'd give.

I'll give you.

No, I'll a 10 discount.

I'm not losing the money on that.

I'd lose it as.

I'd use it as a little stool.

You could just use it as a bedside table.

Be perfect.

You should get a second one.

Will I get a second one for you?

Get a second one.

I don't think measuring is about maths.

I think that there's two ways to measure it.

So I, as you know, when I went to get a job in construction, My job was FF&E.

I didn't have a clue what FF&E meant, but I convinced them.

Out of 2,000 people, I was the woman for the job.

Got the job.

And when he sent me to measure where all.

Because I was basically in charge of fixtures, fittings and electrical.

Yeah, measure where all the sinks and everything goes.

And then he, as.

When I arrived Back that's the moment the penny dropped from.

And he was like she is.

She doesn't even know how to measure anything.

Yeah.

So I learned that day how to measure and now I can measure.

I just can't read obviously.

Well, I've a friend of mine is an interior designer and they.

I will say they.

So as not to give away any identity.

She.

One of her first jobs, she really up and miscalculated on like quite a large building O And when they started to build us.

Yeah.

Nothing made sense.

It was high dramas.

Imagine they're like we can't fit the toilet into the bathroom.

She's like oh, whoopsie doodles.

I heard a story of this.

A photographer who was away shooting for a really big brand and.

And he went and shot the campaign and it was away and obviously models booked all the clothes, brought over everything done came back, memory card wiped.

Nothing.

Nothing.

And then.

And they were.

The pictures were meant to go into this really.

Ah, well they were meant to go into Vogue.

British Vogue.

Imagine.

Can you imagine what the brand were like?

And oh my God, what did he do?

They had to shoot the campaign again.

My biggest up in work, the only time I got fired was when I closed the summer shop at 10 to 7 instead of 7 and I got caught.

I was going across the road to have drinks and I closed up at 107 and one of the customers ratted me out.

And also that photograph thing.

I'm sure I've told this story in the pot before because at this stage, four years in, there's gonna be some repeats and I apologize.

But my mother and father's wedding photos.

He never put the film in the camera?

No.

All day.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh no.

So all they had was like a couple of photos.

Like this was whenever.

Whenever my pack got married.

1833 probably they only had their friends photos that they'd taken on the day.

I know.

Desperately sad.

Desperately sad.

Do you know what happened to me and Spencer?

And now she was a very lovely woman but she had very, very big, big curly hair.

Like huge hair.

And basically when we were getting married in Glen Africa and we're getting married and every single picture is her hair.

The pictures there's none of just me and Spencer.

Her hair is behind us.

Her hair.

Her hair followed us everywhere.

I'll show you the wedding p.

She.

Was she the photographer?

No, she was a celebrant.

So like the photographer and I'm like why did the photographer not see that her hair was in every picture?

And I was just like and ask her to move.

I've been asked to move out of photos a billion times.

I, you know, I never have because I'm.

I.

I avoid the front.

Being of large descent.

I know that I'm not like, available to be at the front of anything, so I just always have stayed at the back.

Like, even in church.

Like I was in church last week and I just felt really guilty.

I was like, ducking down.

I like, oh, God.

Sorry.

Sorry.

You're not.

You're not.

That.

You're not weirdly tall.

You're just tall.

Yeah, no, I know, but you don't want to be sitting behind me.

No way.

Like, whenever I'm at the theater, I'm always like, straight away, I look at the person behind me and I'm just like, I'll just apologize.

I'm like, I'm sorry.

Like, I'm sorry.

I'm a giant.

You're crouching down.

I would not like to be behind you.

Yeah.

Or.

But I like being beside you.

Because I look petite.

Cuz when I meet people out and about who listen to the podcast, the thing that they say most to me is, oh, you're actually very tall.

Yeah.

Oh, my goodness.

And then I always say it's cuz Vogue is so tall.

Yeah.

That I look.

I look like petite.

Which is lovely because I've never been petite.

I'm never petite.

I'm always just kind of large.

Oh, well, I'm glad I make you.

I'm glad I make you feel that way.

You're welcome.

Large and in charge.

You're the only woman I know can make me feel like a lady.

Vogue outside, like one.

No, that's not true.

You don't sound like one.

Tell me now.

Joanne went away to our friend's birthday this weekend.

I haven't been able to get in touch with anyone.

I am digging deep, trying to get the gossip on the weekend.

No one is responding because they're all in bits.

Tell me everything.

Well, since I spoken to you last, I have been in Lisbon, Barcelona, Italy, Amsterdam, and now I'm in Oslo.

When I say Berlin, I'm sorry, I was in Berlin.

I'm Berlin.

I was in Berlin yesterday.

When I say.

And like, obviously, it's a lovely.

It's a lovely complaint to have.

Right.

But it's been.

There's.

It's been flying.

There's.

There's not.

Because the tour is one thing.

And then I.

Three days off in the middle.

I went to Italy for a friend's birthday, and then I went to Berlin and then to Oslo the next day.

So I'm flying pretty much every day.

And when I.

And I know it's a boring complaint when I say I am exhausted, I.

We landed in Oslo about three hours ago and I fell asleep in an abandoned wheelchair in arrivals.

No.

While Garod and the tour manager were waiting for the bags.

Fast asleep in a wheelchair.

And before anyone asks, I didn't steal the wheelchair.

I didn't.

Didn't remove and toss anyone out of one.

It was just sitting there, not in use.

And I sat down and I was fast asleep.

I am so tired.

So I hope you have lots of energy to bring to the podcast.

I vote because I will need five naps in the hour record.

I am so tired, I could honestly lie down on the ground and die.

You are a serial napper, though.

Like, I would never.

I could be up for two days straight and I'd never ever be able to fall asleep in a wheelchair like that.

To grow, you're gonna have to bring a long taser on a stick to the show in Oslo tonight.

And if I nap off during the show, just electrocute me back awake.

I actually won't, because what I'll do is I'll hammer two sugar free Red Bulls and then I'll be absolutely buzzing and then I'll be away till 4am and the whole thing rolls on again.

Hooked on the stuff.

I do know.

I just.

There's no.

There's certain things in life.

I could be dead tomorrow.

I'm not giving up fizzy drinks.

Red Bull's a fizzy drink.

Who cares?

You need it.

Now tell me about the party.

So no one is telling me the.

Party was in a area of Italy called Puglia, which I believe is in the heel of the boot.

Puglia.

Yes.

Okay, some people can pronounce it Puglia.

I've gone with Puglia because that's how it, how it reads to me.

It doesn't look Puglia.

And I was in.

I believe I was in a town called Caravaggio in Puglia.

That would be right.

It's one of these stunning Italian towns.

It's like all medieval, old, you know, castles, lovely piazza, all these kind of little laneways.

And it's stunning.

But it's also one of these times that, you know, the shops open for five minutes a day.

The siesta is long.

Now, I respect that.

I respect it too.

However, it does feel.

You're walking around and you're like.

It was like a ghost town.

It was all very 28 days later.

And Then at night time then it completely comes alive.

Yeah.

And the piazza is like covered and.

But anyway it was our friend Martin Goan's birthday.

It was his 40th birthday and when he's always had a reputation for putting on a spread.

He's.

He's great at putting on a spread.

Very good party, very big into hospitality and events and he works in telly.

He's.

He's very creative.

We spoke about him before and he.

When I say this thing it was like a wedding without any of the boring bits.

It was like 70 of our friends there.

67 to be exact.

67 people to be exact.

He.

And every year he has this party called the wake where our friends perform and stuff and obviously I have.

I don't perform because.

Well I kind of.

You perform at life.

Exactly.

Bit of a boss man's holiday for me.

If I was to do that I'm happy to sit back and enjoy the performances of others.

But Martin sang, you know, Kylie get out of My way.

You know that song?

Yeah.

And he had.

I still can't get over it.

I said Martin, I'll never get over the mini treadmill.

Oh I saw that.

With a mini treadmill.

And every, and every time the chorus kicked in he was.

He would run on the trouble and it was just.

And he was dressed as a woman and in heels.

I've never been.

I could have run in heels the way he was.

It was hilarious.

All our friends loads and performed they were dressed as mermaids.

There was a lot of drag, there was a lot of like Louise Arab recreations there.

If, if I even smell an aperol spritz I think I'll vomit.

We drank so many of them.

It was a sensation I would say.

So when did you get there?

This Saturday and it was the Saturday.

And the Sunday so no, I.

I left day.

It was life affirming I would say.

We were all madly in love with each other and it was just amazing.

An amazing weekend.

Oh God, it looks so good.

I.

I'd highly remind Puglia between the hours of 8pm and 10pm outside of that.

Is that not a bit.

You'd want to have a.

A lot of books or a pack of cards with you cuz there's nothing to do outside of that.

There's a town next to it called again completely wrong.

I'm going to call it Ontario.

Okay, that's probably not right but yeah.

Not right at all.

And that was absolutely beautiful.

And Martin's bought a house there.

Apparently Poggio are selling houses cheap because they want to bring people into the town and they're doing it up.

And I met a lovely man called Seamus there and his husband Alan.

And Seamus is a big fan of the podcast.

He came up to me on the first night.

He's like, I'm a big fan of the podcast.

So we hung out loads over the weekend and I'm sorry to tell you, Vogue, I told him all our secrets.

So I don't know what, I don't.

That's going to come back and bite us in the face.

He put two shots of tequila into me and I tell you, I'd be a terrible informant and a terrible spy.

You just have to be to be oiled up.

And then you just tell everyone, see, because that's fine, that's fine.

But the end of it.

I was like, I wonder.

I maybe should have asked him to sign an NDA so he knows.

He knows everything about you and he knows everything about me.

Well, I looked at that party and I was actually meant to go to Martin's.

My cousin was meant to get married in August and then they changed their wedding to the weekend of Martin.

So I had to go to my cousin's wedding, which was fantastic.

But I looked at Martin's and that's when I like, I feel like I've turned a corner.

I looked at it and I said, you know what?

I.

That, that looks like amazing crack.

But I wouldn't be able for that.

I know.

I just know I wouldn't.

I'm a one hit wonder and that's just the way I am in life.

I could have flown in and flown out for one day and had a great time.

But any, I would have been like dead weight.

Everyone would be like, oh, don't go near Vogue.

She's really negative today and I don't want to be the negative girl.

It was a heavy weekend.

I'm not gonna lie.

It was a heavy weekend.

I so heavy, in fact, that my lizard cash arth eyes have come back.

Do you know the way my eyes.

Sometimes I get all these.

You see it in there?

And my eyes crack, like hard and over and they kind of harden and they look like two cats.

Show me, show me.

Well, I'm on antibiotics now.

Again, you can't really see what it, what is it?

I don't know.

Obviously I was on to Katrina Ryan, who's the dermatologist that we invoke hang off for all information.

And it's some dermatitis rosacea thing.

She says it's stress.

I, I was Like, I think it's.

I'm doing a lot of flying at the moment.

I don't know what it is, but I tell you what, it's ugly as sin.

I look like the Elephant Man.

No, you do not.

You barely notice it.

I look like I've been attacked by bedbugs on the face.

But anyway, look, it is what it is.

Well, but you know what?

You've looked worse.

I can't be hot all the time.

When you've had it before you've looked worse.

It's exhausting.

It's very difficult.

You were going, you had a real streak there for a while.

It's time someone kicked a bit of ugly into you.

I can't be hot all the time.

So, you know, it's humbling and we need that.

We need a touch of humility at times.

And I've certainly been given us in my face.

But there was no goss as such.

It was just a really fun weekend.

Like he organized a walking tour.

There was a beach day.

Now, I didn't spot you in any of the socials at the beach day.

I didn't see any socials of Joanna.

The beach.

I didn't make the beach.

You're not very beachy.

You're not very beachy like yourself.

I'd had two heavy days and like, you know, your social, your social battery.

I was happy to take a little bit of a breather.

So me and Seamus went for lunch and I told him more secrets.

Well, I'm glad.

I can't wait to see what Seamus sells to the Daily Mail.

I shall wait with bait.

With baited.

This.

It might even be.

I might even be in the Daily Mail at this point.

Folk.

I've told him so much information.

Oh, he went, you know what I mean?

He might even crack the Daily Mail on my behalf.

You never know.

I.

Basically what I'm saying is when I finish this zoom, I'm going on the dark web.

I'm gonna have to have Seamus assassinated at this point.

Sorry, Seamus, say goodbye to your family because you're on the way out, Seamus.

She enjoyed the lunch, but now it's time to say bye bye.

Bye bye.

Yeah, well, I went to the south of France with all my aunts and my whole family and we went to my cousin's wedding, which was so gorgeous.

I actually look stunning.

I have bad news.

Oh, God.

I.

Yeah, Spen and I are gonna.

When we're 10 years married, in three years time we are going to do like a wedding.

I know that we got married but when we got married in Scotland, as you know, that wasn't meant to be our wedding.

There was like 20 people there.

And then we did the TV wedding, which wasn't a real wedding because it just wasn't a real wedding.

It was for TV.

We actually want to do a wedding in three years time.

When we're married for 10 years, no one will bloody believe it.

10 years.

Imagine I've been married to somebody for 10 years.

That's a record.

10 years.

Yeah.

I saw somebody the other day and he was like, oh, I've been married 40 years.

Obviously he was an older gentleman.

And I just thought, hell, 42 years.

Too long, isn't it?

I mean, that's like.

But that's why people.

People are very proud of it.

Because when you talk to people, like at shows, I'd often ask people how long they're married and stuff.

And when.

When they give a large number, people clap and applaud because people know.

It's impressive, how impressive it is, because it's what I.

Well, I can only imagine it's very hard work.

I mean, because it's.

It's like when you think about anything, when you spend so much time one person and, like, you're trying to build a life together, you're going through the stresses of life together, and then if you choose to have kids, and kids can add another element of kind of stress to that.

And then you're trying to make sure that you're nurturing your own relationship as well as looking after the kids and having them be number one.

Yeah.

So there's a lot of factors to it.

Spenny and I were seven years married on the 8th of June is our wedding date.

So we've been married for seven years.

And then.

So we flew home.

Congratulations.

I know, it was nice, but we've gotten to the stage now that, like, I was like, God, we actually didn't do any.

His mom.

His mom offered up a roast on the day that we were flying home.

And I said, it's not often that Jane does a roast for us.

So I'll sacrifice a wedding anniversary dinner for a roast.

And I don't regret it at all.

Seven years.

I mean, come on, 10.

Do you know what the present is for seven years?

Oh, God, I'm such a copper.

So I was trying to get Spanny these gorgeous copper pots that I saw because I really want them.

I was like, you get me the fine pants.

Who the hell wants copper?

I.

Have you seen copper pots?

I was like, you get the frying pans for me and I'll get you the pots and then we'll have a whole set of copper pots and frying pans.

I thought that was a lovely gift.

Did he do it?

No, we haven't done yet.

We.

We actually did absolutely nothing.

We just went home.

I have to say, hats off to you.

Hats off.

I know, I know, because it was speaking a heart.

Sorry.

I was in Berlin and I was.

You know, I always like to buy a hat from wherever I'm.

Where I go.

So, like, I'll buy like a baseball cap from Cape Town or whatever.

Yeah.

And the only hat I could find there was the Kremlin.

You know, those big, like furry Russian hats.

I love them.

They're lovely, aren't they?

So you got one of them.

Like, I thought Oslo would be really cold.

No, I didn't.

In the end, I was like, joanne, it might be a bit much now.

Come on, you know what I mean?

I don't think you can pull off a Kremlin.

Huh?

You thought Oslo would be cold?

Yeah.

Bloody roasters.

They get really nice summers.

It's stunning here and they're all hot and tall and blonde.

It's.

It's exactly what I imagined it would be.

But hats off to you because the longest relationship I've done was, I would say, maybe collectively it was three years, but it was to say it was on and off.

I think we were probably together for three weeks in those three years.

Even I find that very hard.

I remember when I first moved in with them, I had to sleep upstairs in the spare room because I didn't even know how to share a bed.

I was like, I couldn't even share a bed with them.

I didn't know how to sleep with them.

I think, you know, I think it's quite hard at first of all, share a bed with somebody because there's loads of miles.

Like, that's why.

That's why I think I just didn't get into.

Into one night stands, because I don't.

I wouldn't.

I'd feel really, like.

I used to feel really uncomfortable when I'd start dating somebody.

Like, I remember I was going out with my first boyfriend, who was.

I was with him for six years, over six years.

And I remember he was like, do you want something to eat?

And I was starving.

And I was like, no, thanks.

Because I was too embarrassed to eat in front of him.

I've.

I'm really shy in really weird ways.

So, like, having to, like, like sleep beside somebody makes me feel really embarrassed.

So I would like never want to do a one night stand in case I had to stay there and then I'd be too embarrassed to leave.

It's like I'd get embarrassed about weird things.

That would be one of them.

Well, I was embroiled in a situationship not that long ago.

And he would come to mine and leave straight after the act.

Oh no.

Like literally the door.

He'd come and go in the space of 30 seconds.

No.

Yeah.

He never stayed.

Never once did he say never once did he stay.

Now there was other problems in that, as you know yourself and Seamus knows because obviously I've told him everything.

But he was, he was a bit.

Yeah, he leaves straight away.

He wasn't a great.

So.

No, he wasn't great.

No, no.

We'll put him back in the scene to put him back in the seat.

And even this.

He didn't want him when she tried to tuck him in.

Oh, he's.

He.

He never came out of the sea.

That mom was never online.

He was.

He was in the sea the whole time.

Some men never get out of the sea.

They never go to lunch.

Yeah.

They're always dancing with several fishes.

There's a lot, a big shoal of fish going on.

And that's.

That's all he was at.

A hot, sexy shell.

How rude though.

Now I wouldn't like that.

I wouldn't want him to stay, but I also wouldn't want him to just leave straight away.

It was very strange, but it.

It's so weird what you get used to and then you just accept it.

And also because I knew that he was never out of the sea and he was never really on land with me.

And what I mean by that is we were never like exclusive.

I didn't.

There was no that.

It's very intimate sharing a bed with somebody.

Do you know what I mean?

Like unless you shared it for ages and then you're kind of facing out the other direction from each other and if they even touch you in the middle of the night, you're screaming at them to fuck off.

But at the start it's all very intimate and spoony and like I remember one guy, we used to like fall asleep kissing and stuff.

Do you know what I mean?

Breathing into each other's mouths.

I couldn't.

No.

I'd hate that.

Someone's stealing my breath.

That's cuz you're seven years in.

No, that's not from being seven years in.

That's just law.

I can't.

I hate smelling People's breath.

Well, that's.

That comes from my like unhealthy obsession with men.

When I'm.

When I'm into them, I'm.

I'm wanting, like crawl into their back and like live my life out through their eyes, you know, all that.

But.

So I didn't mind that the.

The last.

But what would we call him?

He needs a nickname.

As you're away on the continent.

We could call him Shizen.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

There you go.

What about greedy goats?

Go on.

Greedy goods.

I wanted to say to you though.

Greedy, greedy man.

Greedy.

Some men, there's never.

There's not enough vagina in the world for someone.

He will never ever get married.

Not tough.

Neither will I.

No, you might get married.

I don't think so.

Did you read that story?

I really don't think it's for me.

Did you read that story about.

There was a Saudi groom who got married and he basically divorced his wife one hour after their wedding.

What?

Yeah, because his mom decided that she wasn't happy that they were married and demanded the divorce.

And then he said okay, and they got divorced.

Imagine he got married, married, and an hour later you're getting divorced.

Sorry.

Now that's outrageous.

I was looking up other.

Because I saw that story and I was like, that is insane.

So I looked up other ones.

But I also saw this really weird story.

Now this is.

I don't know if any of this is true, but have you seen there's a pastor, right, called John Paul Miller and he married this girl called Susie Skinner like last week.

Basically, he married.

He married.

He got married to her or he married her.

No, he got married to her.

And.

Okay, they both cheated on their previous partners with each other.

And both of their previous partners died in suspicious circumstances.

So his wife was found dead from a self inflicted gunshot wounds just days after they got divorced.

And Susie's husband drowned when his wheelchair rolled into a neighborhood pool.

So everyone thinks that they killed their exes to get together and they got married last week.

That doesn't surprise me.

I mean, I know we obviously have to say allegedly and all that, but like it's so strange now because I watch a lot of True crime.

Yeah.

Because it makes me feel safe.

Which is dark and sinister.

But they are the facts.

I'm always fascinated how you can go from being madly in love with someone to.

To wanting them dead.

Like, I know, but dead.

But remember that it's all money.

I can't.

It can be money.

I could be because I want to be with somebody else.

Did you ever watch the Staircase?

Remember the Staircase?

Yeah.

And like.

But all of it, like, Even look at O.J.

simpson and everything.

Like, that's just ma.

Like, people just lose their.

The Staircase, which was an amazing.

It was.

It was an amazing documentary.

It was.

And then it would.

It was turned into, like a TV.

Series with Tony Collette.

Tony Collette.

And it was brilliant.

But I watched that, and I really don't think he did Killer.

I think he.

He seemed.

Well, he's.

If he did kill her, he deserves an Oscar.

Because when I.

When he was interviewed, he seemed very convincing to me.

And they were saying they couldn't figure out why there was so much blood spatter.

And then.

Do you remember there was a theory that it was an owl or something had flown in and.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Killed her.

But it's a really, really good documentary.

Do you know Amanda Knox has a book coming out?

Okay.

I thought she already did a book.

This is another book.

That was all.

Now, that was all very strange.

Like, I.

I don't think she did it for a second.

Not a second do I think she did it?

No, no.

She'd.

No motive to do it at all.

She just didn't behave the way people want her to behave in the aftermath of it because she was doing cartwheels down the police station stuff.

But there was nothing.

And I think there was a lot.

She did end up saying something kind of controversial to the guy who was also accused of doing it.

It was the barman, not her boyfriend.

Something like, see you later.

But it was a.

She said she just didn't understand what she was saying in the language.

There's no way in hell she did it.

I believe Amanda Knox is completely innocent.

And it shocks.

I don't think she's not.

I don't know if she is or isn't.

I think that there is.

There's.

There was loads of weird stuff around here.

It's so long ago, I actually can't remember, but I remember.

But that poor girl, Amanda as well.

I think Amanda Knox is a poor girl.

She went to prison for a crime she did not commit.

It ruined her life.

Yeah, but you don't.

She might have committed Meredith Kircher.

Meredith Kircher.

Meredith Kircher.

I know.

Was awful.

But I believe it was the bar.

The guy who owned the bar.

I don't.

I remember watching at the time, Netflix did a series about it.

I was like.

I was going out with someone at the time, and he was convinced she did it.

And I was Boggled that he thought that.

I do think that she did it, but like, that's what it is.

They've got a.

A legal system and they figure it out.

But like, it's funny that you think that she definitely didn't.

And I kind of think that she did.

Didn't.

She's too sincere and she was just.

She was just a bit of a fool.

She was just a bit of a.

Like she just didn't have the emotional maturity to behave appropriately.

And I, I don't think her and Meredith were particularly close.

So I, I.

But yeah, I mean it was.

It was a inappropriate way to behave.

Like if my housemate was murdered, I'd.

You know, I wouldn't be doing cartwheels because I can't do cartwheels anyway.

But that aside, I wouldn't be acting so nonchalant about it.

But.

Yeah, but she is a book out at the moment as well, which obviously I will read with my ears.

So the other weddingy bits, right, obviously Sveni and I are married seven years.

You've heard of the Seven Year Itch?

Yes.

Yeah.

So the average amount of time before divorce and married couples is eight years.

That's why it's the seven year itch.

I don't think it's.

I think that you can go through points in relationship all the time though, that it feels like that.

But there was another couple, right?

They.

This man divorced his wife on the night of their wedding after he made her promise not to prank him anymore once they got married.

The wife agreed, but then slammed his face into the cake as they were cutting it.

And then he wanted to divorce her.

Do you know what's so interesting?

How I do not know.

God knows where my algorithm takes me.

Even though I always kind of.

We always.

I love the way we'd never take responsibility for our algorithm.

Even though our algorithm is completely built around stuff that we watch.

I know what you're gonna say.

There's been a string.

Is it the string of men shoving their, their wives faces into the cake?

Yeah.

And like literally rubbing it in their hair and stuff.

It looks proper agro.

Yeah.

Like if I was at that wedding, I'd be like, are you okay, hun?

This is like.

This is not.

This is not okay.

Like it.

Because like, obviously she's done up to the nine.

She spent a fortune getting her hair makeup done.

And the way they slam them in, it's.

It's so mean.

It.

It looks.

It looks.

It's uncomfortable to watch.

It's uncomfortable to watch.

It's I don't get it.

No, it's really weird.

I'd hate to see what he's doing behind closed doors if that's what he's doing.

In full view of friends, family, videographers and photographers.

Do you know what I mean?

Well, this fella divorced his wife because she did that in.

Fair enough.

I wouldn't like that either.

What do you get people if you're going to their wedding?

Like, what wedding present you get them?

Because this is another big topic that I was looking up online because I was looking for anniversary present presents before I came across the pots.

Well, it would be money, really.

I don't think I've ever given my brother and his wife.

I gave them art, but I.

I don't think I've ever given anyone like a presence.

You know, I've never given anyone a tea set or like water for crystal glasses or a toaster or anything.

It's always cash, isn't it?

Because you're kind of paying for your dinner.

Really.

Yeah.

Unless they.

Unless they have a little like, list that they.

So I've been to two weddings in the last while.

One, there was a list that you could get something for them off the list, which I did because I just think that that easier.

And then the second one was kind of like donate towards our honeymoon.

And I was like, that's actually a good idea because it makes it easier for people.

But I remember I got a gift.

Oh my God.

It was just.

I got a gift for my wedding and it was not for mine and Sven's wedding.

Another wedding that I did.

And it was.

My friends had gotten me this hand painted like picture of the two of us together.

And like I looked similar to that awful picture that you kept of me as a joke.

Like I looked so bad and they'd spent all this money on something like that.

And I was like, yeah, shouldn't just.

You shouldn't presume somebody would want something, especially when it's going to turn out like that.

I look like my jaw was literally hanging off my face.

It was so bad.

Yeah.

I have a particularly interesting sketch of Vogue Williams that was handed to me by a gentleman at a stage door one evening after we were doing our ghosted show.

I've never seen you so happy.

And it's like a caricature, I guess.

I don't think it was meant to be a caricature.

Yeah.

I'm not sure what the motivation was, to be honest.

Honest to hurt my feelings.

I think it was pride.

A place in my Kitchen was awful.

And he said to me, he was like, I didn't have time to do you.

And I was like, that's okay.

I.

That's okay.

I don't think you should.

Don't put any more of your time into this.

This is perfect.

I got another present though.

I once got a Hoover that I still have.

Hoover is a good gift for anyone.

Do you know?

It's also a good gift, I think flying vouchers, airplane vouchers so they can travel level.

Flying veggies is a good one as well.

But someone was some.

Do you know, it's so, it's so interesting you asked now because someone was giving out to me recently because they were saying that they were given monarch vouchers for their wedding.

Oh, the spa monos.

Yeah, but they were, they were, they were given maybe like a hundred euro or something and they were saying the amount of money it costs to go to boners.

Yeah, it's just.

They're like, sure, it's here.

You wouldn't even hit the sides.

Somebody, somebody said that to me as well.

It's because it was for a hotel, but it was like, like, it's like a little contribution towards that hotel.

But it's like then you have to go to the hotel and it's actually going to cost you money to have to do that.

Yeah, that never makes sense.

I actually looked it up and loads of people were saying that they've been re gifted stuff from people from other weddings.

And they knew because the person had left the card in the box and just left the whole thing was wrapped still from their wedding.

They didn't even open it.

They just put their own card on top, not realizing that there was a card in the box.

So they knew that somebody had just re gifted.

I know, know, I know.

Listen, re gifting is a skill, you know, like it's, it helps the world go round and it's environmentally friendly.

Speaking of that, did you hear France?

Don't get caught.

Yeah, yeah.

Be.

Be smarter about it.

What happened with France?

Hide your movements more.

Did you see France after putting huge tariffs on fast fashion?

Did they?

Yeah.

Now I don't know if it's going to make any difference to be honest.

But yeah, I'll be honest with you.

I was quite surprised.

I've asked a couple of people over the last while where they got something and they said Sheen and I can't believe you'd be praising us to say that you got something from Sheen because that is so bad.

Do you know what?

And I have a confession to make.

Right.

Because I would have been, I'm very, I'm.

I am, I'm very against all that stuff.

But then again someone made the very valid point.

They're like, you know, it's different.

Like I can, I have a job, I have a well paid job.

I can afford to buy stuff from more expensive websites.

But some people are like, well we can't.

So like why can't we enjoy by fashion?

Do you know what I mean?

In the same way I know the problem is, yeah, the plate, it's spaces, it's clogging up the world and apparently the fashion industry is the problem.

It's.

Yeah, it's massively problematic.

Like I think it's kind of the main problem.

Yeah.

Really.

Because you can never get rid of them.

But I, I just, they, they end up, they end up in these piles in Africa because we sell them to Africa and then they don't.

They, they only use bits and bops them and there's live children living beside these huge mounds of clothes and yeah, it's a real problem.

Let me get the French thing up.

French Senate backs law to regulate ultra fast fashion giants Sheen and Teemu.

The new legislation would impose eco taxes, their advertising bans and influencer restrictions.

But critics believe the bill falls short of its initial environmental ambitions.

Still, it feels like a good start.

And you know, vapes are gone from, from the uk.

There's another sustainable to start.

No disposable vapes.

Disposable vapes.

Yeah.

Good.

They're literally everywhere.

Stain on humanity.

So I'm so shocked you haven't asked me about my Fanta.

The best Monday of all the Mondays that anyone's ever had on a Monday.

Better than your seven year anniversary.

Sorry, it's just like there's.

I can't like you on.

It was.

It's the best thing that's ever happened to me in my life.

I think I went, go on.

I now much like yourself, I was knackered on one day and I was like, oh God.

I'd organized tickets, tickets to Pitbull.

So at one point in the day I was like, I just don't think I'll go.

And then I knew that if I missed the hotel, motel Holiday Inn, I'd be really upset.

And so I took myself to the O2 and to say it was the best concert like we at the hotel, Motel, Holiday Inn.

Oh my God, you're not serious.

That's one of his songs.

He is a hotel about.

He's a Song about the Holiday Inn.

The hotel, motel.

Holiday Inn, Yeah.

Is that my favorite song?

Yes, that's my favorite song of his.

But you forget Emily.

But bangers he have.

So anyway, I'm on the tube, making my way there.

You don't.

Joanne, you're the only person that doesn't think he's selling in arenas all over Ireland and the UK and America.

Like, he is massive.

And you know what?

I can't deny the man is talented just because he's not for me.

I remember going to a comedian.

He was.

I'm not going to say who he is, but he was doing like.

He was doing, like multiple Wembleys.

And I was.

I was sitting up near the front and the rooms were so big.

There was a laughter.

There was a delay in the laughter.

And I posted a story that I was there, there, and I had a maid of mine text me, get back replies the stories like, he's not even funny.

And I was like, he.

You can't deny he's funny.

Like, this place is rammed.

Do you know what I mean?

So I can't deny Pitbull's talent.

I apologize, Pitbull.

It's just not for me.

Well, I actually heard.

I'm not.

I'm not talking to Pitbull because I heard of somebody who I had on my podcast, Never Live a Day, and she told me that she was offered VIP tickets to go.

Go and meet him.

Like, that's now one of my life skills.

I have to meet people.

And anyway, I'll tell you what happened.

We got on the tube and I was disappointed in myself immediately because I was at a job.

I didn't have time to change.

Everybody is in a shirt, blazer, and bald cap.

The tube is just full of people.

No, everyone.

And then I got there and everyone is also in ball caps.

And he like, no.

Oh, my God.

I should have gone.

I don't need a ball cap for the front part of my hair.

Yeah.

I could have just started the ball cap halfway back through the back of my head and just had my front forehead exposed.

My 12 head as it's growing and growing and growing.

It is not.

Had you told me that, I would have gone.

I reckon you would have loved it because it was like.

Because he's from Miami and he's so.

He had, like.

He had Shaggy, who was his support act, and Shaggy.

I mean, how he came out of the Me Too movement unscathed, I'll never know he about him.

Only once women at the show.

He, like, addressed the men once the only time he addressed the men was to say, all the men in the audience go to the back.

But all he kept saying was like, oh, my ladies.

How's all the ladies?

Any of my ladies at the front?

Who the ladies want to come and party with me?

Are the ladies drunk?

I'm like, oh God, this is just so odd.

Is Shaggy the shower guy who wasn't me?

Yes, yes, he was.

Was.

Oh God.

You remember that song?

It was everywhere.

It was.

And what was his Mr.

Boom bus maybe?

Fantastic.

Oh.

So he came on and then they had this dj, but you know, like from a Miami nightclub where you see them where they start at like 2 in the morning and the place was going insane.

And then Pitbull came on and there was a couple of times with his little dancing and his hips, I thought, I think I fancy Pitbull.

I'm worried I fancy people.

I'm also a bit embarrassed because you know the way if like we have a show on a Monday or if you have a show or five a show and ticket sales are low, like, well, it's Monday.

You know what I mean?

No one goes out on a Monday.

It's not us.

It's just.

It's Monday's problem.

And now people is like selling out an arena on a Monday.

No, it was sunny.

It was sunny.

It was a sunny.

Oh, fine.

Yeah, that's what it was, a sunny Monday.

Is it open top the arena?

No, it's not.

But it was sunny.

Oh, well, there.

But there's a roof on the arena.

Yeah, which doesn't matter.

That's not.

That's cuz it doesn't matter.

No, no, because that's the excuse that we say when comedy doesn't sell.

We're like, well, comedy never sells during the summer because everyone's festivals and it's sunny.

So no, no one wants to be inside.

Okay, fine.

Yeah.

I'm still a huge success.

Okay, fine.

Thank you.

But he was absolutely brilliant.

Everyone else's problem.

I've decided I'm going to more gigs.

You know when you go to the theater or something like that, or you go to a comedy gig or anything like that, you're like, I'm going to do this.

I love doing this.

But it's about bringing yourself to do it.

But I had the best time.

Yeah, that was like when I did my first 5k.

Hey.

Marathon and Al.

And I was like, this is just who I am now.

You know, I just run like forest Gump.

Never ran a mother marathon again.

You ran a marathon?

Half.

You ran a half marathon?

I don't know why I said 5k.

Cuz it's actually more than 5k.

Yeah.

And a half marathon.

20K or something.

Isn't it?

It's.

I think it was 10k.

Was staying in AEL was gorgeous.

Remember I told you me and my friend ona train together and then.

Then the second the gun blew, she ran off?

Yeah.

I'd be.

I'd kind of be like that as well.

I was like, oh yeah.

She was gone.

Do you know what there's a half marathon they do in Disneyland in Paris and sometimes they invite people.

We should try and get.

We should start mentioning half marathons more.

I'd imagine doing a half marathon at Disneyland.

Do we have to do it ourself or we just sit in the roller coaster?

Do they.

Do they drive you around or do you have to like walk it?

You be grand around Disneyland.

Yeah, I think.

I don't know.

That's too embarrassing.

I don't want to be outrun by kids.

Kids.

Well, you probably would be.

And so I.

My favorite news story of the week.

Yes.

A friend.

I am.

Like I say I'm a bit.

I'm a bit fried.

So I can't.

I was trying to figure out if it's an old story, new story, but a girl, I just love the energy of it.

Her.

She was trying to leave the pub and her friend didn't want her to.

So she.

She grabbed her high key offer and swallowed us.

He couldn't even be annoyed about that.

How did she get a house key down?

She had to.

She had.

I.

This is what I.

I was like, hold on a second.

She was really desperate.

Which there obviously.

Were there key rings on it?

Was there, Was there, was there a garage fob?

Like what was on it?

Did she have like a gold initial the way some people have.

It was just an individual key because they have an X ray on it in the story.

Because you had to go to A and E then.

And she passed it five days later and offered it back to her friend.

Her friend was like, you're grinding around.

But her, the girl, the girl whose key it was.

Her mother wasn't home or anything.

She couldn't even get in to the house.

She just stay in a friend's house and all.

Like it was.

It really made me laugh because you know that panic like I can't stand because I'm.

I never leave anywhere.

I never leave house parties or anything.

Although I was saying that to grow earlier.

I was like, I never leave Anywhere.

And he goes, you always leave early when we're doing stuff together.

I was like, yeah, because you knit.

You're knitting and doing crafts.

You know what I mean?

But I mean, if there's anything decent happening, I'll still day.

But, but I, I, I hate when people, when people try to leave, I get like, I'm really paranoid about them giving.

I'm always accusing people of giving, leaving energy.

I think it's the adoption in me or something.

I'm like, are you going to go?

I, I feel like you're gonna go.

You.

I think you have to.

20 more minutes.

20 more minutes?

Yeah.

You've got to warn people 20 more minutes.

And they're like, okay.

They're like, okay, 20 more minutes.

20 more minutes.

Always get a couple of hours.

If someone says 20 minutes, you'll always get a couple hours out of them.

No problem.

Don't need to be swallowing.

Keep keys.

Yeah.

You know when they say 20 minutes, it's going to be two hours.

I just thought it was a great idea.

I was like, why not?

I'll swat a remote if someone's trying to change the channel from now on.

I just thought it was a fun thing to do.

Just.

That's like your party trick.

I reckon I could, I could swallow a ch.

You know those chub keys, like the regular key that you get, like that size.

I think I could swallow one of them if I really had to.

And I don't think you need to be going to the, to the A and E for that.

She should have just stayed out in five days.

That's not a great digestive system.

Maybe it's harder.

Yeah, I'd say the key.

I've never eat a key there, John.

You know the big, the big set of, big set of dice you have in a key ring and everything passing through.

Yeah.

I remember the dog once swallowed.

What did she swallow?

I think it was a tea towel.

And we were trying to drag it out of her for ages.

It was awful.

We had to bring her back to the.

I know.

Bring her down to the vet.

Oh my God.

Are we gonna talk about Chris?

Chris Hughes and Jojo Siwa.

It's a bit late.

I know, I, I just.

Do you know what I.

Jojo.

See, you are Chris Hughes.

If you don't, if you have like.

Unless you've been living under a rock, a soundproof rock.

This story's going everywhere.

Jojo Siwa, she was in Big Brother.

Dancing Babies.

No, the dancing Baby show from years ago.

Oh, yeah.

Dance Mom.

Dance Mom.

Moms.

And then she did Celebrity Brother and she was a bit.

She kind of came back and kind of claimed she invented lesbian pop.

And she was getting a lot of.

Getting a lot of trolling.

And I think she kind of rage baits.

I think she's intentionally kind of irritating at times.

Anyway, now she's going out with Olivia Atwood's ex, Chris Hughes, but fine.

And then there was all the drama around jojo Siwa being on Celebrity Big Brother because her partner was watching the whole thing.

And then Jojo broke up with her partner and started going over Chris.

But Chris Hughes posted a photo of in bed together.

Did you see this?

Yeah.

But can I also say about Jojo and.

And Mickey Rourke was quite creepy on the show, but she's like.

She's going on the show and she's talking about how, like, she's in full.

She's like, oh, no.

I think he actually asked her, would you ever not be gay?

And she's like, no, I'm totally straight.

And then Chris Hughes.

Sorry.

Yeah, she was a lesbian.

Yeah, she's.

She is.

She's bi, I guess.

Yeah, I'd say she's bi.

She's bi.

The photo that Chris Hughes put out of JoJo Siwa on his chest, she's 22, he's 32 or something.

She looks like a newborn baby and he's kissing her head.

They're both naked, so you can tell.

And honestly, like, I don't.

I like each to their own and all that jazz, she says, and she's just about to slag them off.

But the photo was weird.

It was weird.

It looks weird.

It made me feel uncomfortable in my stomach.

It just looks weird.

It's too intimate.

It's too weird.

We don't need to see that.

That.

It was weird.

I just think my thing about it is.

Right, fair enough.

Whatever was happening in her relationship.

But she came into the house and she was gone on about how much she loved her bird and how in love they were and all this kind of stuff.

And I just think, you know what, guys just be like, more chill about it because, like, imagine being the ex and you're just like, what the just happened?

I just got dumped and she's gone for him now.

Now they're posting everywhere and like, all this within a month.

Month.

But she is 22.

She's 22.

So you kind of put it down.

She's 22.

Yeah, she's 22.

Whatever, you know, and she's fallen madly in love with someone new.

And it happens and people move on.

But I agree there's like the poor act like there's really no.

It feels a little disrespectful but put.

It down to age.

Like we said, she's 22.

And when Chris Hughes posted the photo of, of JoJo Siwa asleep like a newborn baby on it's like when they do skin to skin when women give birth, I was like, that's what I look like.

She's.

She's 22 and she looks 40.

Yeah, she does look.

It's.

I don't know.

It's.

It's such a weird.

It like it doesn't, that pairing to me doesn't make sense and I'm interested to see what, how, what goes forward and what happens.

I, yeah I find it.

When that photo made me think it's a bit priori.

It's a bit, it's a bit stunty or something.

I was like when you get, when.

You get back, I think that you should hop into bed at me and we'll get a picture of you on my chest and that will be our coming out together, I think.

But who I.

Well I'm younger looking so I'd be JoJo.

Oh really, really well.

And also Chris is flat chested.

He's got no brass.

So you, you play him.

I think his breast in that picture looks bigger than mine.

So.

Okay, fine, that's.

That is just the way that we're gonna have to do it.

Well, guess what?

That's the only way it's gonna work.

It's the only way of work, JoJo.

Oh, and then Olivia, Olivia was getting.

Was rolled in on it then as well because people asked her what she thought of it and she said of the relationship.

She said, I think JoJo Siwa is really famous.

Oh God.

Nice.

I actually the suggestion being that.

The suggestion being that Chris is kind of using her for her fame.

There you go.

A bit of a green card maybe.

Keeping a I more as we get it.

We'll keep you updated on, on the goings on of their relationship.

Everyone, thank you so much for listening.

That was.

My therapist ghosted me with me V.

Williams and oh Joanne McNally and actually I, you know, I brought some energy to the, to the part.

Joanne, your eyes are open the whole.

Time time I'm wearing sunglasses.

Are you, Are you.

What are you gonna do now?

You're gonna go and get it into bed and go sleep.

I'll do a little nap.

Yeah.

Before the show.

Little nappy nap nap third of the day.

Although I was very comfortable in that wheelchair.

I wonder, should I get one?

They're about two.

Two grand.

I could write it off as an as a business expense.

The tour manager not gonna eat your blow up bed.

You like a boat mattress bucks age.

You don't have that in the venue.

I do.

Yeah, but it felt like a bit much to be dragging it around the G and getting her to pump it up every evening and then take it down.

How kind of you.

Yeah, I know.

I'm very generous.

I'm very generous spirited.

Thanks everyone for listening.