Am I about to send my ex into my bedroom to wake up my
husband at 2 o'clock in the morning? And if I do this,
is my husband gonna accidentally shoot my ass?
And so then I'm contemplating my life then too. Like, what am I doing?
Rise and shine, ladies. You're tuned in to skirts up with Samantha and Melissa. We
got your daily dose of hope and humor while we discuss everything from failing
to succeeding and all the spiciness in between.
Hey, everyone. We are back again. This is Samantha. And Melissa.
Well, Melissa, what was your fail of the week? Okay.
I get home, and my husband is angrily
opening the mail. Oh, that sounds
good. Is Brett Brett angry? Oh, aggressive? Yes.
What? He was aggressive. He goes Oh, no. You got a ticket.
And I was like, how do you know it was me? And he goes, because
I already looked it up, and I was at work.
No. Busted. And I was like, oh my gosh. I was like, okay,
where? And he's like, it's right down the street on Peachtree because we
live in Sugar Hill. And they did put in a camera.
Did you know about the camera, or is this how you learned about the camera?
I knew about it, but and even my friend Jacob and I, we drove past
one day and we were talking. He goes, they said there's a camera, but I
don't know where it is. And I was like, and it's probably there to scare
people. I'm so embarrassed.
You guys, the worst part of it is it was a school zone. Of course.
Yeah. You know what's interesting? What? My fancy
little mom car, it tells me when a school
system with a camera is coming up and it goes, ding. What?
Ding. You're going too fast. Ding. Ding. Really? And it
warns me that I am entering a school zone with a camera and that I
better slow my ass down. That is sweet. What car do you have for everybody?
It is a Telluride. Yeah. The newest addition. That's what,
It's pretty fun. It is. And that's what my one of my best friend's Pyle,
she her husband's got a time No. Telluride. I'll tell you a fun story about
this telluride another time. But Oh, wait. No. You kinda have to tell it now.
Oh, is that gonna be my fail of the week now? That's a really
good fail. Alright. So we'll call my fail
of the week my Telluride fail. Alright. So I don't get
out much. I don't I don't go anywhere. This is before seizure time, though,
so I was getting out at least more. You were actually leaving.
So Melissa and I had gotten together with my friend Courtney, my my best
friend. Her bestie. And we were going she listened to this podcast
called, I've Had It, and it's her favorite podcast. And she asked us if we'd
go with her so that she could go see them live. And so we go
with her to the show. We had a great time. Courtney and I are not
responsible together, mind you. Like, anything bad that could happen will
happen, and we we don't need to go into that. We did have
fun, though. A little bit. Lots of fun. Like, it's
probably something We didn't do anything we did not do thing that would break
any marriage vows or anything like that. Not. We didn't do any good girls.
That I wouldn't tell my mama. Maybe not her mama. But Oh, yeah. I
don't talk to my mom about a lot of things, but I told my husband.
Oh, our husbands would be so proud of us. We did something, and
nothing bad happened. That is so cute. I think I must have already
left at that point. Literally, we high fived at the door, and we
were like, oh, chest pound. We did something good. Nothing
bad happened. Our husbands are gonna be so proud of us. Like,
yes. We're adults now. Well,
I start driving home. And I'm driving home
and and I'm probably a little over halfway home. We live, like, an hour
away, hour and some away. And I'm over halfway home. My
husband and I have already gotten off the phone with each other. He's trying to
stay awake for me, you know, it's way past our bedtime. Oh, that's sweet.
So I'm driving home. Now I'm on the stretch of, like,
darkness road because I live out in the sticks, and
I'm driving in and I was using my phone as my GPS and everyone tells
you, like, you know, you know, it's illegal to not hold your phone and drive
and they make these little contraptions that'll hold your phone for you. And I'm
just not that, just not that with it even though my fancy Telluride
also has a Oh, it does? It also has a map. It's my
phone bell. And just like any other normal human, I go and
I catch my phone mid fall, and I stick my arm down in between that
hole. Wait. Is the is the success in the story that you caught your phone?
Sure. Still nothing bad
happened. She got it. I caught it before it fell in between the crack of
abyss, but then my arm was
stuck. My arm was stuck in the hole. Well, you followed it into the crack
of the abyss. I did, but Isn't that what everyone does? You go and you
catch your phone and you try to catch it before it all. Extinct. I cannot
fault you. I wouldn't anyway. Well okay. So
there is there is a positive to the story. Alright. So I'm driving.
My arm is literally literally stuck in this
hole of my car. And so now I'm driving at 2 o'clock in the
morning sideways in my car where my head I'm short. It's just barely above
the steering wheel because my arm is fucking stuck. And I'm driving, and
I, like, cannot get my arm out, and it hurts. Like, I can feel my
skin being cut. And I'm like, what do I do? And I'm about to
drive past a police station. I'm like, do I pull over? Because I'm trying to
call Simon. That's what I was gonna say. Yeah. So my car with my other
hand, you know, like, you know Weren't you trying to use voice command or something?
I hit my voice command real fast and I, you know, stuck sideways and I'm
like, call sexy bearded man because that's my husband. Why is that
girl? So I tell my car to call him. He doesn't answer. And, I mean,
we've just been off the phone, like, for 10 minutes. The only thing I know
what to do is call my mom at 2 o'clock in the morning. And so
she answers the phone. She's like, are you okay? And I'm like, I'm like, you
are. It's like my arm is stuck. And she's like, where what do you mean
your arm is stuck? And I had to explain to her where my arm is
stuck and why it's stuck. And I I was like, I'm passing a police station.
I don't know what to do. Like, my arm is being cut. Do I stop?
And she goes, did you drink? And I was like, I mean, like
hours ago. And she was like, I don't know. I'd be kinda worried
that that, like, you could get in trouble for that. And
I was like, maybe. Okay. I'm a keep driving. And then, like, my arm is
just it's throbbing. I can feel circulation being cut off. It was
hours ago, though. Like, there's no way you were driving. Probably. I don't know.
But, like, I don't know. Is still scary. Yeah. You don't know what can
happen? And so then I'm passing a fire station. I'm like, mom, what do I
do? Like, do I stop at the fire station? Do I ask them to help
me? And then she goes, I don't know. She goes, maybe if you can
just get home. So don't call mom. She's like,
if you can just get home. So she stays on the phone with
me for the rest of the 25 minutes and my arm is fucking stuck in
the car on the way home. And I pull into the driveway, and then I'm
staring at my house. I'm like, mom, if you're not answering the
phone, how is he gonna know I'm out here? And she goes,
oh, I don't know. She goes, well, try calling him
again. I'm like, okay. So then I go to the other line. I try to
call him again. Of course, he doesn't answer. I come back over. I'm like, mom,
he's not answering. He's asleep. And I was like, I could honk my horn and
wake up one of my kids, and hopefully, they'll go get him. You know?
And it's like but then I gotta think of my kids why I'm fucking stuck
in my car at 2 o'clock in the morning. And then and so
then I was like, I don't know what to do. Call my ex. And
so my mom said, you want me to call Andrew? And I was like, I
guess he'll hear it. And so she calls Andrew
and he answers. And he lives 8 minutes from our house. I did tell
you in episode 1 that he is a really nice guy. You did. He will
be there for you. You will help us and our kids, including mine and
Simon's child. That is not his. And I didn't give him moment whenever.
That is just him. He's single, ladies, though, if anyone's curious. He is single.
So Andrew answers. He knows my mom can't come and help me because that would
be like World War 4 and 3? Is that what people say? 4 or 3?
3. Oh, whatever. There's I don't know what I mean. Okay. We're
continuing on. So am I about to
send my ex into my bedroom to wake up my husband
at 2 o'clock in the morning? And if I do this, is my husband gonna
accidentally shoot my ex?
So then I'm contemplating my life then too. Like, what am I doing? And
so somehow, Andrew pulls up and
Simon is walking out of the house. Oh. Somehow. I I, like, I don't
remember. I think Simon might have finally woken up, saw my 20,000
phone calls and called me back, and Andrew's standing next to me. And I was
like, I need you to come outside. I need you to come outside right now
because things are happening and Andrew's here and I need you outside. And
he was like, oh, okay. So he comes stumbling outside. So then the
boys are talking about, like, looking at my hand and they're like, why can't just
pull it out? And I was like, do you see these
cuts on my arm? That's for me trying to pull it out. I am bleeding.
And so so then we're, like, trying to my mom's on the
phone and she's like, oh my god. I'm like, what is that? My baby.
Don't let the car eat my baby. You know, instead of the dingo.
Yes. I do. Thank you for explaining. I
don't know anything about where the dingo came from, but I know that saying.
Oh, I think it's from, I'll think of the name. I'll think of the
movie. It's from a nineties movie. Well, I'll stop making the story so dramatic.
The boys end up But it was. You're stuck in your cart 3 in the
morning, and you go to bed. It was dramatic. The boys, one of them's pulling
one of them I can't remember which one's doing what now, but one of them's
leaning over me and, had, like, unbuckled me and then is
pulling my seat from my right side, is pulling my seat as far as I
can towards the driver's network. One of them had my hand and was trying to
help maneuver my hand, and one of them was pulling the seat away trying to
get But you got out. I got out. Yeah. I I eventually, I
did get out. Andrew went home. Simon was like, what the hell? And I was
like, you'd be so proud of us. Nothing bad happened
until the car ate me. Because it ate me. So
that's the Telluride story. We can blame it on the telluride. Telluride. And Andrew
immediately the next day bought me the these, like, little gap things.
And so That is adorable. Didn't know that part of the story, and that's hilarious.
Until now that there's a gap thing in my car. I didn't even know they
had those. I didn't know either. But, apparently, it's common that tellurides eat your hand.
Damn it. You know, don't stick your hand down that hole.
Out of all the holes. Don't stick your hand down that
one. Thank God for voice call. Yeah. Because I was able to call
for help. Yeah. And, I'm sure there's a positive 3. Still
nothing technically bad happened. I'm gonna say the positive is now we can share
with you in our links that little spacer thing Yes.
So it doesn't happen to you. The moral of the story, don't stick your hand
down the fucking hole. Don't do it. Or just get a spacer thing or get
a spacer. Moral of the story. Moral of the story
is sometimes there's not a real positive to your
fail, but a fail is a good way to remind
yourself Not to do it again. That. But
on the flip side, tell me, do you know how many fucking school tickets we've
gotten? Like, at one point, I thought that we're our license was gonna be revoked.
Like, serious. We got, like They don't mess around. It's we got, like, obviously
school zone speeding tickets in, like, a couple of months span. And I was
like between Simon and I, like, between the 2 of us. And I literally thought,
like, when do they take your license? Like, how many of these can you get
before you, like, really get in trouble? Yeah. That's a good question. Maybe I should
look that up. You should look that up. Well,
so We have learned. Live and learn. Live and learn. Don't stick
your hand in holes. Don't speed in the school's bones. That's right. Don't
speed. Well, kids, that is fun. Yeah.
Well, no. I didn't do it because I just did it because I was being
absent minded. Oh. And, actually, I wasn't really
speeding for the regular. If the if the
yeah. Okay. Fine. That's no excuse. You shouldn't speed in this one for sure because
kids should die. Let's let's take Simon's car out for a spin. Oh, that would
be so fun. He has a nice car. It goes oh. Oh, really?
Yeah. I do. It, like, sucks you back into the back of the seat when
you, like, tap the gas because it's so, like, it's got that horsepower that's so
hard. It just, like, it sucks you back. That sounds fun. It is fun.
I wonder if we could, like, rent can't you, like, go to a racetrack and
You can. Rent, like, super fast cars? And I have a burning desire
to drive, like, a, McLaren someday. Like, I
maybe want one. I don't know anything about cars, but I would want a Corvette.
To you while you drive that? That'd be nice. Would love to drive a fast
car. I love I don't know what, though. Like, yeah, I know what a Corvette
is, but I don't really know what a Clarin is. Well, I'm still at minimum
6 months away, so we'll see what happens. 6 months away from driving Mc oh,
I was like, she's about to be rich. I do. She's
talking about her seizure. I wish. So what's on the front with
that? Well If you want to share. If we
are feeling a little froggy next week, I get this fun
little contraption. What's on the front? If we're feeling froggy, like, if we're feeling, like,
you know, a little frisky, like, we wanna have some excitement. I've
never heard froggy in my life. Not the right word? I can't
imagine, like, my husband wanting to get have sex with me and being like, you
cute little frog, you. Is froggy not the right
word? I don't think it is. Oh, I might have made that. Hey. Hey. Correct
me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't you say frisky? No. Because frisket's not the word
I was trying to say. She was trying to say froggy. Okay. I'm moving on.
Froggy like smells frog. Like, if we wanna get a little crazy. A little yeah.
Yeah. Froggy. Like, crazy. Like a frog. That makes
sense. Right? We will record our next episode
in video while I got this fun little ambulatory
EEG strapped to my head. You're talking about us feeling froggy,
not you and Simon feeling so good. Feeling froggy. Oh my god. So maybe frisky
is not the word. It wasn't the word. We're not gonna get frisky on camera,
Melissa. Still, I wouldn't say, like, froggy either, but that's okay.
Yeah. If we are feeling like little frogs next week I can't
even say that with a straight face. Then we are gonna
film her with the e so what she's basically saying is you are gonna be
wearing one for how long? 3 days. Okay. Good. Good. Because
we really did. Why don't you can you share what happened last time when we
were recording? Oh, yeah. This is actually a good thing, and it
was It actually did turn out good. That's another fail for that should have
been my fail today. Anyways, it's not really a fail. It's not really a fail.
They just wanna hear all the stories. We tried to record this episode for
y'all earlier in the week. We tried to do it, like, 5 days ago while
we were recording. And all of a sudden,
I like, I don't even know if the words coming out of my mouth
were even what we were talking about. I'm gonna be quite honest. And all of
a sudden, I just remember I just remember shaking
my head and, not remembering what we were talking about.
And I remember Melissa saying, are you about to have a seizure? I think you're
having a seizure. And I'm like, no. No. No. No. I'm fine. And then
I it it was a seizure. And so she called Simon and was
like, what am I supposed to do? Like, I don't like and he was like,
oh, okay. Well, let's see if we can give her the emergency meds, but he
didn't have the answer. We don't have the answer. Had a seizure. And,
too late to give the emergency medication. Seizures knock me out. I
am so confused. I can't, put together words, sentences. In
Andrew's words, her body is now trying to catch up with
itself. And I would say that's what it felt like. And for the next
couple of it takes me 2 days to be able to put words
and sentences together that makes sense. It just
doesn't process. It I can't process things. And it wasn't until
about, like, probably 6 that evening when I finally was, like, at least
coherent enough to be, like, thinking about, like, man, what? This happened
again? Like, I'm really sick of this. And I'm sitting there, and I'm,
like, sitting there, and I go, Simon. He's like, what?
We were recording an episode. It's funny that you remember it that
way. Not funny. It means that you weren't coherent because we
did talk about that. Are you serious? Mhmm. Yeah. We're like, we got you on
the recording, and we replayed it and watched it together. No. I don't remember that.
Yeah. We did. Man. Yeah. They get you. It I don't know.
That's wild. Well, I think I have it on camera. And you're able to show
him? Yeah. We we watched it together, and then we cut the, like, clip out
into a smaller clip of where you see it happening. And then
you see, like, how it came about and then you see the the after where
I just can't put words together. I can't put a thought together.
And we're able to send that to the doctor, and now we have the EEG
schedule for next week for 3 days. Which is great because it's been
how many months now trying to figure out and figure out
type, which this doctor is a new doctor and he's on his
shit. He already, like, knows what kind we're having. Just
wants to get that evidence. Did the video help or
hasn't seen it or is it not yet? Waiting on that. But so that
was actually a really good thing. It was. It felt like a fail. I was
very upset. I was depressed. She's still the rest of the day. Herself. But,
like, I was you wouldn't be impressed with somebody who
broke their leg and couldn't walk across the room or somebody who had,
I don't know, diabetes and couldn't eat the cake for their
birthday. I don't know. Like the only thing I have that I can control
is this podcast, what we're doing, what we're talking about,
when we record it. Like, this is the only thing I have to control in
my life right now. So when something like that happens unexpectedly,
I can't even take care of my kid at that point. I can't take care
of my kid at that point. I'm gonna throw yes. That is awful. I'm a
throw in a a a a wrench to that.
In the Buddhist mindset. Oh, now we're getting Buddhist.
But one of the main things that is taught
is that we have no control over anything. We don't own anything. We
don't have control. Anything that we have could go away any given moment.
And if we can accept that, we're gonna actually be able to roll with the
punches a lot easier. I'll think on that. Think on it. I'll think on
that. See how I feel. Life is rough, but we're getting somewhere. She
is going to possibly be wearing the what's it called? Headset?
Ambulatory EEG. Next recording.
Alright. Well, today, our episode is making friends
after our thirties. And, let's see.
Today's episode is called making friends after your thirties.
So I remember when my mom turned 30. Like, I
remember that day, the day my mom turned 30. We lived in Texas.
She's she's depressed. She's really sad leading up to this day. Like,
she's just dreading it. So she gets a card in the mail from her friend.
It's a picture of an old, old, old woman with boobs sagging to the
ground. And it's something about, you know, now
you're now you're old. You're 30. I remember she spent the whole day in the
bathtub just very upset, didn't wanna talk to anyone. She just sat in the tub
all day crying over being 30 in this tub. And
and and then, you know, later in her
thirties, we are in Georgia and she's doing the carpool
from, you know, my school to ROTC and she's carpooling with me
and all my other friends from ROTC driving us back and forth to wherever.
And I remember, like, she it was to the point where she'd be like, y'all
need to turn that music down. I'm trying to see. And we're like You're 30
now. You're blind? She she yeah. She, I mean, at this point, she's probably 38.
Oh, yeah. 35, 38, whatever. She's in her thirties. And I'm like, how is that
gonna help you? And I'm cracking up. She's like, you know, if she pops a
curb or or or any little minor thing that she does on accident while she's
driving, I'm like, god. Jesus Christ, mom. Like, when you turn 30, I think
the license should be provoked. And then she would get so offended. She'd be like,
you just wait. You just wait until you're 30 and you see how you
feel. And jokes on me
because I am 30, just turned 30, and I can't drive.
Oh. I find it hilarious. My mom hand up some
karma. It makes my mom very sad when I say that, but it cracks me
the hell up because I'm like glad that you're laughing about it. Joke's on me.
What age when you were little did you like, if someone said,
hey, 10 year old Melissa, at what age do you then call
someone old? What age would you say? Maybe I'm
old now because I feel like I'm so removed from that that I don't know
what I would have said in all. I would have said 30. Yeah. Yeah. I
for some reason, realized that might have said 50 or 60. I'm
respectful. My kids. Because my dad told me you're halfway dead at 50. We
say that we're getting old and that we're so old all the time that my
kids at, like, 7 years old,
they're like, you're not old until you're 80. Oh, that's sweet. And we're just, like,
looking at them and we're like, How are they so advanced? How are they so
smart? And evolved. Yeah. I was gonna share
I know we're talking about our thirties. The worst birthday I ever had
was when I turned 20, and that was because my dad and
my mom so I was a nanny, and I lived in Ohio. And I, caught
a bus for my birthday and went down to Kentucky where my parents lived.
And while I was there, my dad just started,
like, he started, like, just, like, yelling and getting
upset with me. Like, you're 20 years see, in in the Mormon church,
you're kind of old if you're not like and I had never really had a
steady boyfriend at that age, and he
was just getting on my back. Like, you are 20. You're
not married. You're not even having a prospect of getting married.
And I just felt awful. I felt like I was so old and I was
gonna be this old maid and nobody was gonna want me.
And so I was just crying. I was I was I was just bawling and
my dad was going at me. And that was my 20th birthday. And I remember
thinking, I'm so old and now I wish I could go back because,
I was even later, like, after my mission when I was
23, 24, and I was in the singles singles ward is what you call it.
Because in when you reach the age of 18, instead of going to church with
just everybody else, you go to church with other singles, other people up into
the age of 30 because they want you to freaking get married. Interesting.
Yeah. And as a return missionary, because there's another old trope in the church
where girls only go on missions because they couldn't get married. Oh. And
they weren't cute enough. And so I
felt like there was something wrong with me as soon as I turned 20.
And, that was hard. That was really hard because I do wish I could
go back and say, yeah. Normal. Fine. Yes.
You're normal. 20 is so young. 23. 25 is
young. Yeah. But yeah. So, anyway, in our thirties, we still don't have
our shit together, it feels like. Oh, we do. Yeah. You look. You
look at people in their thirties when you're in your twenties, and you think, I
still when someone goes, what do I do? When, like, someone in their twenties goes,
what do I do about this? Like, I'm I don't know what to do. I'm
like, I don't know. Go ask them to double in the Right. Like, just stare
at me silently. And I'm like, oh, shit. That's me. Mhmm. Oh, okay.
I should have an answer. That's us. When I turned
30, I think my 30th birthday has probably been my favorite birthday,
the one that stood out the most. I have been planning that thing for,
and and this was just a couple months ago. I've been planning that birthday for
a year. That's really cute. My best friend Courtney and I, I knew that we
were gonna do, a photoshoot, and we dressed up in pink tutus.
With Courtney's permission, can we link some of your photos? Yeah. Of
course. I will link those. Look them up. They are so cute. She
did a smash cake, and, of course, I'm just a little princess. So, like, you
know, I just stood pretty with my cake, and, I don't drink alcohol
anymore, but, you know, acted like I had a bottle
of champagne and, you know, acted cool. And, like You can be cool without
alcohol, but I think you're just saying you wanted to get across the idea that
it's a party. But, also, like, that's our thing. Like, our
progression photos that we do together, it we have this pose. Do you do
progression photos? We do. Like, every year? Not every year. It's
like at big milestones. So, like, when I was pregnant with
Nora is honestly when this photo progression started. We have some with
our kids too that we do. But with us, I started when I was pregnant
with Nora, and and there's a photo a very specific photo of us sitting on
the couch in a specific way, and I have a plate sitting on my stomach
of food, and she's got the alcohol because she can drink and I can't. Right?
But, yeah. So I planned my birthday. I planned, me and Courtney with our
husband, Courtney and I, with our husbands. We went to Mexico for the
first time and we stayed in a adult only, all inclusive. About
y'all list. It was me.
It was just it was so needed, especially with all the health issues we've been
going on, going on with me. And then,
my poor husband has so much family drama going on with his
mother-in-law and trying to help his sisters and just the whole thing. And so we
needed it. We needed a break first off, so it was great that I planned
it. Yeah. So it was really enjoyable. I had a lot of time. We stayed
in a really nice hotel when we did the photo. So it's just like a
birthday that just extended and kept doing great. I had a I had
a blast. I loved it. I don't even know if I was expecting it to
be so good because, you know, there's my mom's experience and
then, there's Friends. I think most of us
binge watch Friends on a regular basis. And you think of that episode where Rachel
turns 30, and it shows you a clip of when all of them turned
30, Rachel's mad about it and Joey's crying about it, yelling at his
birthday cake. Why, god? Why? We had a deal. It was not
supposed to be me. And that's why this episode is called that, because that's the
30 clip that comes to my head, even though it could have been 30, flirty
and thriving. But I like Joey's version. My
god. Why? Do you remember were you excited for
your thirties? What what did you what did you do? It's weird because, I
actually don't remember my 30th birthday. I really
don't. I know where I was and what I was doing.
So in 2008, I did have an
emotional breakdown that led me to move from
South Carolina to Texas to stay with some of my best friends in the whole
world. So her name is
also Melissa, but it's Scott and Melissa. They're married, and they have 2
kids. So I always call her Melissa Walker, by the way. But,
Melissa and Scott took me in. They helped me get on my
feet. I had a dog. I had Waverly. She was my bestest friend in
the whole world. Like, when I was when I first moved to the walkers and
I was going through a rough time, I remember saying, I really wish I just
had a dog in there, like, get a dog. And I thought, it's this
is your house. Like, you don't have any pets, and
they didn't care. They just wanted me to be healthy and happy. And we got
a dog, and she was an inside dog, and she was my baby.
And obviously yeah. Yeah. Right? I
when I was 30, I was I was in school. At the time, I thought
I was gonna go for nursing. Yeah. I
honestly don't remember a lot. I think I just was doing a lot to try
to get on my feet, and that's okay. That
there there are time frames for everyone where it's just getting on your feet. I
think most of my twenties was swimming. Yeah. Yeah. I don't
have a lot of memories about the 30th birthday. I do have a lot of
memories about my thirties. Of course, nothing
was the way I thought that it was gonna be when I was younger. I
thought I was gonna have my shit together. I was gonna be married. I
was gonna have kids because that's what I was kind of raised to
have and want. And the truth is, I think I
I did want kids, to tell you the truth.
We went my ex husband and I, we actually had some
miscarriages. I was nannying. I
wasn't, like, working in any kind of corporate position.
I had gone to school when I was younger to be a dental lab technician,
but when I had, like, my breakdown and everything in 2008, I moved to
Texas and just kinda dropped everything. The walkers were so supportive in letting me
just kind of take time, not do anything for a little bit. I
kinda helped out around the house and watched their kids and then through,
word-of-mouth. And since I had nannied when I was younger at the age of 19,
word-of-mouth got around, and, I just started babysitting and nannying for a
lot of people. And I did that for 9 years. I also worked
in a at a barn. This,
helped somebody. Her name was Gloria. She was also an amazing person.
Yeah. So my thirties weren't what I thought. Let's just put it that way. I
felt like I should have had been further along than I was. I think
everyone's starting to learn that there is no I think leading up to your
thirties, everyone starts freaking out of, like, my life should be together. Like,
I should know exactly who I am. I should know exactly what I'm doing. And
that's just not the case. I think your twenties are a trash fire. And
so then you're, like, leading up to your 30, then you're like, holy shit. I
still am on fire. I'm still on fire. And your thirties is figuring it
out. Getting it together is what I think your fingers are. Far as to say
your whole life is just figuring it out. And I have a feeling because here
I am in my forties, I don't feel like I have it figured out.
And I wonder we'd have to ask, but I wonder if there's people in their
sixties, seventies and eighties who feel like they still don't have it figured out. I
don't know. But I would venture far as as far as to say, life is
just about figuring it out. And there is not I just it gets
really frustrating all these societal, like, mile
markers that people try to give us. Like, you should be here. You should be
doing this. You should. I just don't think that's how it works. I think we're
all very unique individuals, and we all have a different
path that we're taking to get where we're going in the end.
Melissa Walker, she I look at her and I'm always like, she's got
it together. I wanna be her when I grow up. She's my best friend, obviously,
but, she's a therapist. She owns her own
house. She has a practice, her own practice.
She owns 3 or 4
horses. She just has all the things that I look at and
think, oh, I want to be there. But she in her
thirties, she in her thirties, she had some anxiety and
depression issues, and then she ended up going back to school. There's just
no You don't know what's gonna fulfill you. Oh, yeah. So what I was gonna
say is she always says, as a therapist now, one of her favorite sayings, and
I've taken it on and I tell everybody, don't shoot on yourself.
Right? Because literally, like, saying should is shitting
on yourself. Like, there is no should. If you could have done that, you would
have done that. You weren't in the capacity or mind frame to do
whatever you think you should have done. As long as we're always
trying our best, that's what we should do. Yeah. That's the only should. Like,
that's In my opinion. I wonder if Melissa would say that. That's a good mind
frame to try and adapt on. Yeah. I
feel like I made a lot of friends in my twenties. Right?
I was going to the singles ward at church, and
I have a few friends from there that are still, like, ride or die. Like,
I one in particular, Nikki. Like, we haven't talked in years, but I know if
I called her up, she would be there for me. But for the most part,
it was kind of superficial. I'm not gonna lie.
But then Melissa Walker and Scott, they were there for me.
I met them when I was 19, actually, in Ohio when I was a nanny
there. And so and it's true. I moved there, and I
didn't have any friends. And so my thirties was me
trying to rebuild my life and make friends. Right? So one of the
first things I did, and it wasn't even on purpose to make friends, it
was more because I wanted to play board games,
which is so dorky. But, I had a friend
in South Carolina who we would he was my best friend. We would get
together and we would go to the mall, and there was this little tiny
board game store that would let you open any game and play it.
Mhmm. Because she wanted that was that's part of how guys buy any?
No. But, like, we were also, like, young college age. And,
anyway, so when I moved to Texas, I was like, I would like to play
some games. And the walkers not that they wouldn't have played with
me, but I didn't really own that many. And I don't know. So I
went up online and I looked up a meetup. I went to the meetup.com
and looked up a meetup, and I found a bunch of people would meet up
at this. It was called Cafe Brazil. They don't and it's just people
get together. And at meetups, people are open.
You're meeting people who are doing what you're already interested in. So, like, on meetup.com,
you can find, like, hiking groups. You can find biking
groups. You can find board game groups. You can find knitting groups. That's
what social media is like now. It's true. But this is very
specifically for groups. You get together to do that
thing. Right? Yeah. So you're kinda meeting somebody
who maybe travels your like that now. That's awesome. Yeah. We
ran into a a group in, where were we? In in Costa
Rica. There was, like, a large group of people and Simon had stopped
and asked what they were celebrating, and it was a bunch of singles that
wanted to travel to Costa Rica. And so all the singles
signed up for this trip and traveled together, so they didn't have to do it
alone, but could still do it as a singles. That's awesome. Yeah. I have made
some of my most best friends in the world to this day through that group.
Shout out Lindy, Nancy, Daryl, Blake,
Monty, but, feel left out if she forgot your
name. Please don't. The point moral
of the story story is that Melissa does not have a hard time making friends.
Well, it was hard. I went that first
time. It was uncomfortable because they're all playing games I don't know, and I
felt kinda stupid. But when you're at a meetup,
you're almost automatically around people who are trying to
bond over something, and they're gonna be open and accepting
and be like, here, let me show you how we do it. That makes sense.
Right? So that was a really easy way for me to make friends, and it
just kinda happened. Like, somebody I oh, I met it was CW.
I sat down at a game. Hi, CW. And
he was like, hey. I think you would like to come over
to another game night group that we have, like, that's at
someone's house. And then I started getting when I went to that, I was
able to kind of like, you're fine. I was able to
get more, I don't know, more on the level of, like, talking to
people and making friends. Yeah. You got the awkwardness out. Yeah. It wasn't
just about games. Like, the meetup was kinda just about games, but then when they
invited me to the other person's house to play, it was more just like about
Yeah. Friends getting together. And then, you know, you start
just making friends. It just kinda comes naturally if you can put yourself in the
right place. So, we do have a 3rd
episode coming up, and we're going to talk a bit a little bit about you're
going to meet Lola. What can what what got you in her group?
Because she has a good group. It's, it's a mom's group. And,
sometimes joining groups on Facebook is a good way to help you get out there
to your, again, finding like minded people. No. Joining a mom's group is
just trying to find, like, other people that you can get advice from
or Okay. Just kinda run things by, see other mom's
humor and something that that you may be struggling in and find some humor
in and giggle over that over Yeah. Social media. But,
I don't know. I only have so Courtney and I have known each other since
high school. So we've been friends for, like, what is that? Like,
10 years, 12 years, 12 years? Been on friends for a long
time and we're still pretty close knit with a lot of the girls that we
were in ROTC with. We still get together all the time. All of us were
in Courtney's wedding, like and we're about to be in another one of their weddings
actually this year. But, like, just
making new friends, like, we don't live close. So for any of us to get
together, like, it's gotta be a plan. It's gotta be well thought out.
And so now I live out in the sticks and gotta make friends
somehow. And I just I'm very socially awkward. I don't
enjoy going out. I especially don't enjoy going out by myself. I get really stressed
and I just it's not for me. And I'm noticing I'm in
this this women of Alana's group and
it actually it's interesting to me that
people who live in the city in my mind are people who are social anyways
and like to get out anyways. And people who
live out where I live, they typically are the people who are more kept to
themselves, but they still have their close knit friends. But people who live in the
city that are in this group are all the time posting
about, I don't have any friends. I'd like to meet new people. I'd like to
meet new friends. And they're posting like dating ad descriptions of
themselves saying, looking for a friend who's x y z. I'm this
age. I enjoy doing this. Crusty. Yeah. I have a dog that's this age.
Connection stuff in the newspaper. Yeah. I mean, people are doing this
in the groups, like trying to find new friends. And I just find it really
interesting that everyone seems to struggle. I mean, I
say everyone, but not everyone. But a lot of us do struggle. I think
it's more prevalent than we might realize when you think about it. Well,
like, you think you're the only one in it. Right? Yeah. And it's probably a
lot more prevalent than we realize. I guess because I see it a lot. I
just kind of assume that that was that was everyone's normal, like hard to make
friends, but I'm also just significantly less social than
than people I do hang out with. But then I was reading
like so I got really curious about, like, I struggle with this. So many people
are struggling with it. You know, there's even dating
apps that have a side app for finding friends. Like,
there's like a friend bubble, Bumble. That's cool. Yeah. So it's really
interesting. So I started reading about, like, man, it's hard
making friends in thirties. Why would this be? And
so I found this article and it's talking about how, you know, like, when you're
in your high school and your college years, you're around a
constantly revolving door of people. Mhmm. People moving
in, moving out. You're seeing these new people every single
day, and socializing is what is what you're doing.
Interesting. You're, you know, going to school together and, you
know, talking and, you know, most people go to work and they have jobs and
they're doing the same thing. They're going, they're meeting friends and they're they're socializing a
little bit here and there. But now we're adults and at the end of the
day, we're just too exhausted. Yeah. Usually, your work friends stay your work friends.
You don't really go out with them. Like, you you wanna go home to your
families. You wanna go home to your dogs. You wanna unwind
before you have to do it all again. And so now there's, like, this added
exhaustion and just lack of desire. And on top of that,
there's a sky rise in anxiety these days and social
anxiety and that and that's really holding us back because I'm sure we can all
come up with a a story or have a story where we were
embarrassed in a social group or where, you know,
it just sometimes doesn't feel worth worth it putting yourself out there.
Yeah. It can sometimes feel like, why did I
even try? Yes. I yes.
I there are there are girls who, like, who want to make friends and
genuinely wanna make friends. And so then they, like, go and they meet someone
online or they meet someone at work, and they're like, okay. We're driving. We're driving.
Alright. I'm gonna start trusting them. And then, like, they start sharing their
close knit things with them. And then that's interesting. Bring that up. Them in the
back. Percent that happened. Courtney talking about this. Like, yes.
To me too. It's very
strange. Now granted, both of the people that I
fill in my in my memory when I say that happened to me, they have
since reached out and either apologize actually, there's Oh my god.
They have since reached out and apologized and Dude, that's like
unheard of. Yeah. I don't know. I guess I
am lucky. Here's the thing. It's really
easy to either just trust and give everything you
have to something or maybe hold back everything. And it's
like, where's that happy medium where you can be like, hey, I'm gonna give just
enough that I can foster a friendship without actually giving
enough to if it doesn't work out where I feel
like just crushed and ruined. Right? Yeah. So I think
sometimes just remembering look at things
objectively because I sometimes have this thing where I just
trust. I wanted to trust people. I'm not so much that way anymore. Over the
years, I feel like I've kind of learned how to start just saying,
let's just not share at all. Let's just, you know, let's just see see how
it goes. Yeah. I don't know. And I don't mean to say that we should
all hold ourselves back. I I want to create like, I want us to
create a community where we don't have to do that. And I hope that that
it works. I hope that too. You know, that people want
to share their struggles. And the point is that there's
someone else in that in our group that's also been through the same thing or
similar thing and can relate. Be judged for mistakes because we're not
perfect. But, yeah,
I do think that I did go through a lot of
friends in my twenties that aren't necessarily in my life
today. Now, actually, I have a couple. Connie Emmett, love you.
Name drop. I can't help it. I just love some of these people so much,
and I don't talk to them every day, but they play
significant roles in my life, and I will never forget them for some of
the things that they were there for me through. But I guess what I'm
saying is back to my twenties, I did go through a lot of friends that
I think I just thought, oh, immediately we're going to be
friends forever. And it's not always like that. Sometimes people oh, sometimes
people in your life just for a season. Mhmm. I heard that recently.
Sometimes you're not meant to be friends with someone forever. That. Exactly.
Yeah. I feel like you attract. Like, you must attract because, like, you're such
a positive, like, bright person
and personality and help everyone that, like, you must attract these people that also
have these dot like, deep,
confined meaning, like Aw. What what is the word I'm trying to
you. So I look at you. I think that was technically our husbands. Like,
I don't know how to live. We went our paths wouldn't
have crossed True. If our husbands wouldn't have gotten
or if our husbands wouldn't have gotten married. Sometimes
I wonder if they should have been the ones. No. Just kidding. They do have
a pretty nice bromance
fostering a friendship. Right? Yeah. Like and I don't do that with everybody. I feel
like I don't have the time, and sometimes I feel like this is gonna sound
a little mean, but it's not meant to be. Sometimes I feel like I'm so
tired. I don't want any more friends.
So the fact that we are fostering a relationship is big. Like, yes, you're right.
I I am very selective about who I wanna keep in my life because I
have had some situations in the past where Yeah. Those are off. We've all I
think may maybe we've all had those. I don't know. I
guess I am kind of introspective, so maybe I've overanalyzed my life.
As we all do at some point in different aspects, but
I don't know. That's a very different I don't know. We had opposite,
experiences, I feel like. Yeah. For sure. For sure. So it's nice
to hear, the side where you
get to be selective and you get to to the point where
it's like, okay. People don't like me so much. Just go wait.
This sounded so bad. I didn't mean it like that, but just
go wait. I mean, I'm like that too, Even though, like, you know, sometimes
I'll be sitting at home by myself. I'm like, it might be nice to go
have coffee with someone. Like, I'm tired of sitting here. It's been 7 days. But
this not my last friend that I let into my life, but one of
my very close friends. Her name is Pyle. She
had to fight to be
I'm not lying. I and it's not because I'm amazing. It's not what I
mean either. It's because I was closed off, and I really thought I
just didn't have the emotional energy to have a friend. That's fair.
Life. Yeah. You should be able to feel like that.
Yeah. And she was like, we will hang out, and we will. And so I'm
like, fine. And so we hung out, and then I even was like I even
tried to kinda break up with her. I was like, I think you're too young
for me. She's gonna die laughing when she hears
this. You did not. I, for real, did. Oh my god. It's not you.
It's me. You're too young for me, bra. And then she said, how
old do you fucking think I am? And I was like, I think you're, like,
23. And she was, like, 29 or 30. I don't remember. But,
I was like, okay. I can't use that. No. Just
kidding. The truth is, like, once I let her in and
sometimes, yeah, we think we can step back and be selective, and I think that's
a good thing. But sometimes it's also good to remember, we don't always know what's
best for ourselves. Nice. And she has been amazing in my
life. Aw. Yeah. I'm so glad that she persisted,
My dumbass. You pushed me to hang out
with you. Did I? And not because I didn't want to. It's just because I'm,
like, Tell me when? I don't know. She's not gonna like me.
I think I felt like you wouldn't like me because you're young
and cool and gorgeous and hip and I'm gonna shut up.
Y'all came over for a dinner date because we haven't seen each other in
probably a year at that point. It'd been a while. Yeah. No. Like, we used
to not see each other that often. And And remember Simon and Brett are best
friends. Are best friends even though Brett will silent him for a while. He
will silent me if he has the chance. And so
Simon goes, no. Brett is coming over and I'm gonna try to like
Melissa and we're having dinner. He said I'm gonna
try. Okay. He probably didn't say that to me. By then. He probably did.
Oh, yeah. You did come to our wedding. So, you know, bridges have been crossed
at that point. So I remember I was getting, like, really down because I'm a
stay at home mom and it just didn't feel like it was for me and
postpartum depression. And and I was like, Melissa said she wanted to meet the
baby. And I was like and she said she wanted to get
together sometime. So I didn't think you would call
me. And so then I was like, okay. Well, I'll I'll see if
Melissa wants to get together. You put yourself out there. I did. I did. And
it was very awkward for me, and I might have cried the night before. I
was like, Simon, what if she doesn't like me? Like, what if she doesn't show
up? What if I get, what's it called? When someone doesn't show up to a
blind date? Stood up. Stood up. That happened
to me before. Oh, no. Oh. By, like, a man or by a friend? Man.
Oh, I was 17. Oh, okay.
Okay. If we're going back that far, I sure have too. By the same man
twice. Okay. It's it's true. Sometimes we don't know what we
need, like my me with pile. Oh, I know what I need. I just Okay.
Were we just Not willing to do. Against it? Okay. Okay.
Fair enough. Oh, man. Well, I mean, I
guess so that I mean, in my case, it doesn't
help my case because, obviously, I'm just not quite willing to do the work, though
I'm at that point. I am at the point where it's it's really just you
and Courtney. I and this is where the seizures have really been frustrating
because I'm at this point where it's like, I want to go out and do
hobbies and meet friends and and see where it goes.
And now I can't take myself anywhere and make those friends. But when I
was doing, you know, my handy dandy Google searches, it was suggesting that ways
to make friends when, you know, after school and when you're in your
thirties and you find that you're ready for a new
cycle of friends, then, like, you know, here's some things that you can do to
meet them. And, of course, we talked about the apps. We talked about the social
media groups and stuff. But like Melissa said, it also suggested
finding a hobby, getting into that. My, favorite one that I was really
laughing at was go and meet your neighbors. Oh, interesting. Like, am I gonna
ask for a cup of sugar? Oh my god.
Like, I don't You know, I feel like we don't know our neighbors anymore. I
don't know. I thought that, you know, I thought that I would have all the
friends in this neighborhood when we first moved here. I was like, oh, I might
actually, like, have some mom friends in the neighborhood, and we can, like, have wine
nights and stuff. And it might be really fun, and then they I don't think
they like me. I feel like that one's a little tricky because you're not curating
your own group. You're just kind of, like, sticking with what's not around you.
But you never know. Oh, it's a whole new guy. We host it out
of our own money in pocket. A whole neighborhood get together and had, like, blow
ups for the kids so that, like, the families could come over. Like, we provided
food. We had we paid for, like, a blow up slide and pool and,
not not too many people came over. We we did enjoy everyone who did come
over for the meet and greet and, everyone who brought their kids and,
yeah, no one really kept up. And I mean, the kids play with
our closest tried. We did try. I did try.
And then our closest neighbor has kids that are the same exact age as all
of our kids. And I had high hopes that that would be my
wine buddy too, but,
no, not there yet. Do you think you want to keep
pursuing that one? I think they don't like me. Oh, but wait. You
thought that I I know. I I yes. I think our lifestyles
are vastly different. I'm gonna give a challenge for the week. No.
Okay. She said no. I was gonna be like, invite her over
for a glass one. Go out of your comfort zone. I don't know.
Well, we're telling you what you can do. I got a fun story on why
I'm saying no. Okay. To oh, are you allowed to share it? Yes. Just know
it. It was it was like a big fail. It was like a big parenting
fail that, like, I was so upset and cried, like, for hours over because
I'm so upset. So thing 3 hadn't napped
at all that day. And so it's getting to the late late evening and then
she just crashes and, like, fell asleep on on Simon's
chest, you know, fully dressed, shoes and everything. And we, like, pick
her up because we're like, oh, we should probably wake her, but she stays asleep.
And we're, like, oh, man. This is an opportunity. We can get some quiet time.
So the older thing 1 and thing 2 are at the
neighbor's house playing, And so we just quietly go and we lay
thing 3 in her bed, and then we tiptoe on over to the hot
tub. We have not left the house. Thing 2 comes home from the neighbors
and apparently, thing 3 had woken up. And so
when thing 2 comes home, she hears thing 3 crying,
and they're very tight. They are very close. And
she she doesn't look for us. She doesn't look anywhere for us.
She comes in the house Maybe or you she didn't even look in the house
because you're in the hot tub? She was in the house, and I remember I
had my I had my German shepherd, Ada, with me outside while we were in
the hot tub. And I remember she, she told
me that someone was home in the house since I I looked at Simon.
I said, oh, thing 3 is home. And then I'm waiting and I'm
waiting and I'm waiting, and she never comes out. And so then I start
getting antsy, and I'm like, Simon, can you check your phone, please?
And he goes, okay. And I grab his phone. I give it to him, and
there's, like, missed missed text, missed calls from the neighbor. Thing
2 thought that we left the house
without the baby, took the baby out of her
crib, and took her to the neighbor's house and said that we left them.
Oh, no. And so and so I was
so embarrassed. And this happened not once, twice.
Not twice with the baby though, but twice she
went over to their house crying, coming back to their house saying that we left
them. And the second time was just because the garage door was shut. She didn't
even come in the house that time. Oh, no. But it's I was so
embarrassed. Okay. I was like, no. Your neighbor know
how upset it made you and how embarrassed? Well, one
time she did come over, because there is, like, an incident with the
neighborhood and, utilities being crossed and stuff.
And she came over to ask a question. I was like, okay. Real awkward, but
you are aware we never leave the house without our child. And she goes, yes.
I figured. And I was like, okay. Okay. Okay.
Just making sure. Okay. Well,
my takeaway is you are completely entitled to not want
her to be your wine buddy anymore. No. But I feel like if you
did want to offered, I would for sure do it. I feel like
maybe you're projecting a little on how much she doesn't like you. Maybe she
does. Okay. But maybe you're projecting.
I'm projecting. I think she could be projecting just a little, but
I might be wrong. Maybe she hates you. That's what I
thought. Oh, that's what I thought. I guess
I'm just saying, sometimes we get in our head. Is that
a sign? Yeah. I told
you. That's also why I won't go over and ask for a question. Times. No.
It might actually just be a sign that you don't want to be her friend.
Not to be mean, but growing up, my parents had a lot of restrictions about
who we were and weren't allowed to play with. But it's because my parents
were a little too extra. Too strict. Mhmm. Yeah. I
mean, but in this day and time, though, you do have to be very worrisome
about you don't really know the parents that your kids are going out to play
with. You really don't. She could easily get to know you. You're her next door
neighbor. That is true. In conclusion, are we concluding
yet? If you are struggling Yeah. To make friends,
there are ways to do it, and you should you should go
and join a hobby. I really wanna join a hobby. I wanna go to a
paint class and I wanna learn different mediums of art. That would be a lot
of fun. I wanna do dancing. I wanna go to dance classes. Maybe I used
to love line dancing. Going to line dancing again would be really fun,
and that's a really fun way to meet friends. Yeah. Yeah.
So leave comments. Tell us tell
us kind of your experiences. What are you guys going through? Are you are you
feel like your friend meter is full? Are you feeling like you wanna meet
more people, but you don't know how to great. Word it. Is your friend
meter full, or is it running low? Thank you. It's like a love
tank. Oh, I like that too. That's really cool.
So, yeah, just, like, because I really do want this. Like, I
we say it every episode, but I'm very serious. This is a
community that we're trying to build of nonjudgment and love
and support. And maybe, you can be our
friend. That if you want to be, we would love
it. But, also, maybe, like, you'll meet somebody in our little community. You can be
my friend because Melissa's meter is full. My meter is really full.
I'll be your friend. It would make me feel
good like we did something today. It would make me feel very happy. See you
guys on social media talking to each other and
Yes. Maybe even, like, getting together. Being vulnerable and Yeah.
People being kind in return. That it takes nothing to be kind.
Nothing. Nothing. And so,
next time on our next show, we will be having, Lola,
and she is the creator of a group called Not Your Momma's Group.
And she has cultivated this group for
moms where there is a no tolerance policy for
rudeness. Won't you get blocked if you are
rude to somebody who post a question like that? Yes. That's what I want.
Anything nice to say. You're a lot of post controversial things, but Yes. Yes. Did
I say that wrong? Yeah. Oh, yes. Oh, I I had another thought,
but I wanted to add it in somewhere. I want it. I think that
if y'all are interested, I think that if if there's enough of
us that are local, I think we could have our own hangout. Oh, that's such
a good idea. We could. Brunch. A brunch link up. Brunch
up? A brunch up. We just made up a new
thing. A brunch up, girls. Yes. I
think join our page, like our page. Let's see if
there's a bunch of us that are local, and let's have a brunch up. That'd
be fun. Well, join us next time to meet
Lola, and, we will continue to post for your Monday
mornings at 5 AM, and we look forward to meeting you. We do.
Join us again next time. Peace for peace and love. Peace
and love. Okay. Connect with us
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