Leandra Morris Rucker: [00:00:00] The Eagle crew that I was in, and even in when we went into the, you know, graduated from our weekly *inaudible* they allowed me to be, not just authentic, but transparent and women in leadership roles and strong, you know, women, we don't have an opportunity to let our hair down and be ourselves, right?
To, to not be okay. We always have to be okay. You know, our, our cape is always flying, it's never resting. I don't care if we get caught, in the window or the door, whatever we always have to be on. So, to be in a place of community and genuine love where people allowed you to cry. I don't like to cry, but I was like, I'm tired of crying,
But they allowed us to cry and to grieve and to get through the things that were emotionally traumatic and causing us pain, and causing us, holding us back. And so with that, they helped push us through. Like I wouldn't have had that same thing if I had done a one-on-one with you. They literally held us accountable and made it safe and made it okay, and then gave you [00:01:00] that network afterwards that you could also always go back and go back to and say, Hey sis, here's what's going on.
Here's where I am. Help me through this. I mean, Robin sent me an amazing prayer this morning to encourage me to let me know, you got this, you're amazing, you're good. You got, you're like, this is, she told me you were like Queen Esther, and you were built for such a time as this.
I was like, come on with it, deacon that's Robin. Right? So that's what happened. You get those relationships that you need that we don't have in corporate to make us feel safe and allows to be not just authentic and but transparent as well.
Christy Rutherford: [00:02:00] Welcome everyone to Why She's Winning. I am your host, Christy Rra to the U T H E R F O rra D. So today I have the amazing, phenomenal, brilliant, stylish, go get some, talking about, I need to go change my outfit, right quick. Leandra Morris Rucker, she recently, let's be clear, recently assumed the role of vice president of product integration leading the services vertical at MasterCard.
In her role, she leads the global data and services and cyber and intelligence product integration team, ensuring the successful, consistent, and scalable integration of new or significantly enhanced solutions.
She is a global operations and engineering veteran specializing in new product launches. She most recently served as a global innovation product manager at Novanta in Bedford, Massachusetts, where she [00:03:00] successfully managed a portfolio of critical path operations projects with focus on new product introduction into manufacturer via a stage gated R & D Development and transfer process.
With a projected initial, what's GMV?
Leandra Morris Rucker: Gross margin. Gross margin.
Christy Rutherford: Gross margin. Okay, 10 million dollars. Novanta awarded Leandra the 2022 Champion of Change Award for her work in creating and executing processes, templates, and training to support the new product and introduction strategy, Novanta's Pipeline for innovation and programming.
Prior to her journey, MasterCard and Novanta, she held leadership roles with increasing responsibility, engineering operations with Corning Optical Communications, Corning Life Sciences, Verizon Interface Solutions. She served as the US co-chair for Novanta's Women ER Group and Board member of Women in Manufacturing, North Carolina Chapter, Corning's Women in, is that Women in Manufacturing in France, Black Employees Network and the Diversity Council.
Additionally, she also coached and mentored several young engineers and technicians in the plant [00:04:00] manufacturing environment. Leandra holds a Bachelor of Science and Chemical Engineering from Rensselaer, I probably got that wrong, Polytechic Institute and a master's in MBA and technology management from Stevens Institute of Technology.
In her spare time, she enjoys working out *inaudible* training, singing on the praise and worship team at her church. Amen. Cooking for friends and family and spending time with her husband and children. Welcome, Leandra.
Leandra Morris Rucker: Hi everybody. Hello, Christy.
Christy Rutherford: All right.
Leandra Morris Rucker: Hey, I'll see you girl.
Christy Rutherford: We got, we got the Eagle crew. We got the Eagle crew. They all showing up.
Leandra Morris Rucker: Oh, okay.
Christy Rutherford: See? Alright, Dana, of course. Alright, so Christine and then Joe Anna. Alright, so let's get this party popping. So Leandra, what was going on with you when you were like, you know, I think I want my life to be different. What was going on before you chose to work with us?
[00:05:00] Is that my internet or yours? You frozen. Whose internet is that? Robin, do you hear me or Leandra?
Alright so we will pause. All right. We got Jennifer, Nicole, Valerie and everybody. I think this is Amanda Saal, who doesn't have the right privacy settings on her LinkedIn. So while we wait for Leandro to come back. Cuz I see y'all still popping. So if y'all are still popping, that means that y'all can hear me.
Can y'all say, hear me, if y'all hear me? And we're waiting for Leandro to come back on her internet. Oh, she'll be back. Alright, so happy Friday everyone, while we're waiting for Leandra to come back. I am excited to share this information with you and you know, here's the thing. Yo, do you even believe that you can have greater, [00:06:00] and a part of what my goal is for these interviews is to share with you that you can actually have a completely different life no matter what's happened to you in the past, right?
I want y'all to know that you can have a completely different life regardless of how bad you have it right now or how much your life sucks right now, or how much your life sucked in the past. I think that a big part of where we are is we're finding this narrative, that we can't change and I'm here to tell you that that is a lie.
So a part of these interviews isn't just to put my amazing and phenomenal clients on, Hey! Olivia. It's not just to put them online to say, Hey you know, talk about us. I really want to be able to inspire y'all to let you know that your life can be completely different, if you make the decision that you want your life to be different.
If you make the decision that you can be different and what I talked about in my post this morning was a lot of women [00:07:00] and men, but a lot of women say that y'all want something different. You say that you want. Thanks Christine. You say that you want a greater life. You say that you want different things, but you don't believe that it's possible.
So one of the things that Florence Scovel Shinn said, she said, you can't plan for success, you can't plan for failure and get success. Right? You can't plan for failure and have a plan B of what's gonna happen and not understand that, you can't plan for failure and expect success.
So here we go. There she go. Still, still on with that shirt. It's all right. You gonna unmute yourself? We good? We good? I feel it in the blank. You know, I make this stuff up as I go along. It's great.
Leandra Morris Rucker: Okay.
Christy Rutherford: We good? We good? We good? ? We're good? Okay. All right. So what was going on in your life when you was like, you know what, let me sign up for [00:08:00] this for this one day event?
Leandra Morris Rucker: Oh, so my good friend homie, your friend, my homie, Erica Jefferson told me a while ago, "I think you should be a VP and I think you should make X amount of dollars." And I looked at her like she was, like, two heads, like, what's wrong with you? Whatever. Blew her off.
And then she got mad at me, said, I can't with you. You need to go talk to Christy. I was like, fine. So then miraculously, this January event came up and I ain't had nothing else to do and she was on my nerve. So I said, "Okay, I'm gonna just go ahead and sign up." So I did. I signed up for the five hour event. I was like, what she got to say to us, that's gonna take five hours.
Really? I was like, well, I don't have nothing else to do. It's cold outside, so I'll do it and that's how I ended up doing it. Literally kind of like kicking rocks, like I don't want to have my arms crossed. And I was like, fine. So.
Christy Rutherford: So let's, let's back it up on this one. Now that you know the difference between the friends [00:09:00] that will console you and the story that you tell yourself
Leandra Morris Rucker: Mm-hmm.
Christy Rutherford: and have the friends that challenge you to, to not accept where you are right now. What is the contrast and how do you feel about that right now?
Leandra Morris Rucker: Well, I do know that the circle of friends that I know who have me has gotten real small, Right? Some garden folks you had us do the pluses, minus, Xs, zeros exercise, and I had to reevaluate that.
And I saw, when I really started to dig into it, I said, oh, wow, these people really have my back because they don't care whether I like it or not. They're gonna give me the truth, right? There's the facts and then there's the truth. . Right? And they gonna give me the truth whether I wanna hear it or not. And they'll support me in my truth.
But the facts are just facts. They can change, based off of what the truth really is and as long as you have those people that are close to you always giving you the truth, you're good. But the mother folks, nah, you got to let them go. They in that, that negative zero column, just cut 'em off, let them [00:10:00] go.
Christy Rutherford: Okay, so I did talk for five hours. So what did you get outta the whole five hour conversation? Well, were we war for five hours or, or, or
Leandra Morris Rucker: Oh, No.
Christy Rutherford: What was going on?
Leandra Morris Rucker: So, the irony of it, or is that I was in the back chatting with the other ladies in the group who that eventually became my Eagle crew who we, when did it all together, but, there was a lot of things you said, and it was kind of like hitting us in the head. We was ducking and diving like, alright, she got, she got a little juice, but when one of your current clients got in there and she started doing the, you know, the whine and then you was like, wait, you gonna put the business of the family out?
And then you stop the recording and you beat her in the head to the white meat and we was like, Oh snap. You know, because she was in there, "Oh my God, I went to my bus and he wouldn't gimme a *inaudible* for $10,000 and I dunno what's wrong with him and I'm livin' my best life."
And you was like, Wap!, Wap!, Wap! and we [00:11:00] was like, I, I don't know about everybody else, but I was like, This is crazy.
I like her. She can handle this cause you can't come to me weak and like talking all sideways. I'll eat you up, spit you out. And you know what they say, eat, get the meat, spit out the bones. There'll be some raggedy bones on the ground. You gone. So I was like this, heffa, I'm sorry. I could say heffa. Yeah, this heffa are crazy.
So I was like, yeah, I like her. I like her. She got juice, . We was like, oh, then you put the recorder back on and just jump back into the slide. And she was like, game recognized game. Right?. So this is stuff that we do on a regular basis at work. That's how we show up and we, we have to you have to have a strong person who knows themself, who can really lead you, you know, to the, to the water and get you where you need to go.
You can't have somebody who doesn't know who they are, so it's like she know who she is. Is she all right in her crazy moments? She could turn it on and off. I like her. I like her. [00:12:00]
Christy Rutherford: First of all, I never, I never try to be normal, right? And Theresa asked for the workshop at levelupwithchristy.com ,we’re actually meeting tomorrow. It's only three hours. I'm gonna try to, I'm gonna try to squeeze it all into three hours. I ain't talking.
Leandra Morris Rucker: I would love that, that's gonna be fun .
Christy Rutherford: So, let's talk about authenticity. Does that make sense?
Leandra Morris Rucker: Mm-hmm.
Christy Rutherford: and, you know, the thing about being who we are
Leandra Morris Rucker: mm-hmm.
Christy Rutherford: is that I am Christy Rutherford, there's no other Christy Rutherford in this world.
Leandra Morris Rucker: Thank the Heavens.
Christy Rutherford: But you know, we're taught that we should be more passive or if I want to attract women to me than I should, you know, speak nicely or I should, you know, let women do whatever they want to do. But I tell people all the time, and y'all already know, we come for results.
We ain't coming over here that, Right.? Oh, you are going change if you come over here at Vision Finding International, you think you gunna come over here and just di dilly that around and you're not going to [00:13:00] change. Oh no. You're going to change. So what was that, you know, besides, you know, watching me drag this lady through the mud.
She was a current client, but she got her awakening, I promise you she woke up after that. What was that like? You know, experiencing that?
Leandra Morris Rucker: So people tell you to be authentic, but you don't necessarily always have an opportunity in a safe space to be authentic. And then I had my moment of my authenticity challenged, right?
Actually interviewing for my current role and you and I connected and I was like, their energy was, I had my own moment. The energy was off and they wasn't right and they came, they wasn't cool. And then I changed what I said and then all of a sudden he was like, you stopped doing and started being and I was like, here she go.
You was like, no, you doing too much. You doing, you always trying to do, you looking at performers and looking at they past year over year. He was like, just go in there and be. Then when you stopped, when I, I made a [00:14:00] joke and got them to laugh and then I switched the whole conversation, the narrative, the conversation changed because I was authentic in who I was.
I mean even so much in the way I came and presented myself in my interview, you know, someone's like, oh, you should just wear a white shirt and a black. That's not me. I had a green blazer on and some other crazy glasses. I don't know. But I was feeling myself, cuz I know who I am and I've got in there and I did my thing and I was authentically who I was.
I didn't make an excuse for it and I honored that and so when you do that, your natural gift and anointing just flows from there. If you're trying not to be who you are, it's basically like you put a dam in that and it's just gonna keep hitting it. But when you are authentic and yourself, the dam is released and it just flows.
You just go into your flow, your energy is high, your everything, and you being yourself. And it's like, it's so amazing that you get stupid happy and people can't stand you. They're like, what's wrong with that girl? She just walk around Skippin'. It was good. It was good.
Christy Rutherford: So here's the thing [00:15:00] about strong women. One, we're psychotic because we're told that we can't be , you know, and we're alpha and you should tone it down. And then when you take your picture, you should stand with your arms crossed like this and we take these executive presence classes and, and an executive presence class is somebody telling you to be everybody that you're not.
You know, you should fur your brown. You should raise your hand and you should speak up in the meeting. You should, even if, even if you don't have anything smart to say, never leave a meeting without saying something. And then you wonder why people don't like you. It's because you're *inaudible* on everybody else's closing.
You're not being yourself.
Leandra Morris Rucker: Right?
Christy Rutherford: So once you, in the beginning from the interview, what you talked about, you were all kind of closed up and you were tight. You were a strong woman. Let, let's be clear, strong chicks manage the energy in the room.
Leandra Morris Rucker: Yes.
Christy Rutherford: If you are nervous, they nervous.
Leandra Morris Rucker: Yes.
Christy Rutherford: If you are shut down, they shut down. We come with this huge ball of energy. We are the alpha women. We are [00:16:00] the powerful women. We are the queens when we walk in the room, it is like a queen who's not comfortable with her power, offsets the energy in the room and makes everybody nervous. It's like, it's like a lion s that's sitting in the room and she'll flick her to a hyena and then she'll flick her to a donkey and then she'll flick her to a cat.
And you know, like, oh, okay, you don't like me being a lioness let me go be a cat. Oh, you don't like that? Let me be a hyena. Oh, you want me to do this? And so when you're uncomfortable in your power, they're uncomfortable with your power because you are not comfortable.
Leandra Morris Rucker: Correct.
Christy Rutherford: So once you settled in and you cracked a joke
Leandra Morris Rucker: mm-hmm.
Christy Rutherford: Every, everybody became at ease because you were at ease.
Yeah,
Leandra Morris Rucker: I was, I, I think about, you know, in the Bible when he talks about David and Saul and David was going to battle, he tried to put on Saul's armor and he was like, I can't wear this. This ain't me. Let me paraphrase. He's like, I, that's not my style.
So he went with his slingshot and his little shepherd boy clothes and killed Goliath. Right? So that's what the thing you gotta put on your shepherd's clothing cuz that's who you are, honor [00:17:00] who you are. Don't be trying to put somebody else's armor on or somebody, blazer or somebody, whatever, be who you are and when you come out swinging at that slingshot, you gonna kill every giant, every time.
Christy Rutherford: Okay, so let's talk about, I'm gonna answer the codes question later. I'm gonna, I'm gonna get on that and get on that. Okay, so moving on. You saw me drag the lady through the mud. It was great. She had her awakening on the line and you know what's, what's funny is, I was so embarrassed cuz she embarrassed me in front of company and I cut up, right? Cut all
Leandra Morris Rucker: White meat *inaudible* fed em' white meat
Christy Rutherford: K. U. T up.
And this is the thing y'all watched a strong, amazing woman run into a house fire and I went in there and drug her out and she ran right back in and I came and drug her out. She ran right back in. Then I hit in the head. Right? Right? And then it was like once she yielded and saw how she was creating the situation and that's the thing is that [00:18:00] we have people who will support the narrative that everybody is against us and they're not treating us right.
She was the one creating a situation and y'all liked. I, I think cuz y'all signed up and y'all are amazing, but it's like, oh my God, I think I'm self sabotaging. I need somebody strong enough to come get me. Because powerful women, we don't listen to weak people, period.
Leandra Morris Rucker: Correct, correct.
Christy Rutherford: So, so what was most shocking to you when you started to do the work and looking in the mirror? What was most shocking to you?
Leandra Morris Rucker: Well, I have to give a shout out to my amazing coach, Raquel. Raquel, just, she didn't relent. She was one of those people that just kept hitting. She was not trying to hear it and when I started off like, "Oh my God, my boss doesn't understand me." You know, she was just like, and then the next week she was like, "Okay, so what's the problem? Where, why is your boss? What is it that you're not doing?"
I'm like, "I think what you mean, me? What I'm not doing? It's not me, it's him. It's them. What you talking about?" She did not let go [00:19:00] and so when I finally let go and did the work, like, all the work, not I'm gonna watch this, I'm gonna listen to that, I'm gonna, No, all the work, every single thing, to the letter, the way I was supposed to do it.
Then I had my a-ha moment when I realized that it just what my root issue was and then when I took the steps to address the root, right when I went in the garden. You know, come on, Earl. When I went in the garden and started tilling the soil, right, and started really getting to the root and, and making my soil right and looking at the seeds I had and taking out the garbage and the old mattresses that I had in my garden, and then really saying, okay, this isn't your garden.
This is your junk, and you let other people’s junk in it. , right? You turn yourself into human trash can. So what you gonna do about it? And that's basically what Robin, I mean Robin, I got Robin on the parade. Hey Robin. . Raquel did, she challenged me to do my work. She had a eon la moment, but love it. I'm gonna need you to do, she wasn't as nice about it though, but she made us do the work.
And when I [00:20:00] did my work, that's when I was like, oh, it really is me. It was that whole mindset, you know, thing like, get my mind right. Where are you coming from? Where does, where is this issue? Go back, deal with the trauma, deal with the issues, and start with a new fresh garden. Let's plant some new seeds and let's go from there.
And that's what Raquel really, really pushed us or pushed me.
Christy Rutherford: Oh, okay. So my coaches are strong too. We don't play that.
Leandra Morris Rucker: No .
Christy Rutherford: We ain't playing that. You know when I think about the desire for change y'all wanted change, just coming into January, right? And then you had, what was most shocking to you? I would say about the group, because I have all these women who inbox me and they'd be like, "Chrissy, do you do one-on-one?"
I'm like, "No, I don't do one on one no more," because there's so much power in the group. We are so lonely in leadership, right? I mean like, LONELY, all caps, because we're the only woman in the room or we're the only woman of color in the room and so we're so freaking [00:21:00] bitter and empty and lonely and passive aggressive.
What was most shocking to you about some of the women that were, you know, in the group setting that you work with?
Leandra Morris Rucker: The Eagle crew that I was in and even in when we went into the, you know, graduated from our weekly’s inaudible they allowed me to be not just authentic, but transparent and women in leadership roles and strong, you know, women, we don't have an opportunity to let our hair down and be ourselves right?
To not be okay. We always have to be okay. You know, our cape is always flying, it's never resting. I don't care if we get caught in the window or the door, whatever, we always have to be on. So, to be in a place of community and genuine love where people allowed you to cry. I don't like to cry, but I was like, I'm tired of crying,
But they allowed us to cry and to grieve and to get through the things that were emotionally traumatic and causing us [00:22:00] pain, and causing us, holding us back. And so with that, they helped push us through. Like I wouldn't have had that same thing if I had done a one-on-one with you. They literally held us accountable and made it safe and made it okay, and then gave you that network afterwards that you could also always go back and go back to and say, Hey sis, here's what's going on. Here's where I am. Help me through this. I mean, Robin sent me an amazing prayer this morning to encourage me to let me know, you got this, you're amazing, you're good. You got, you're like, this is, she told me you were like Queen Esther, and you were built for such a time as this.
I was like, come on with it, deacon that's Robin. Right? So that's what happened. You get those relationships that you need that we don't have in corporate to make us feel safe and allow us to be not just authentic and transparent as well.
Christy Rutherford: That's so good. Yeah. I was talking to somebody the other day and I talked about how, you know, when I was in my brother's house, crazy cuz I cracked up. Cuz, [00:23:00] cuz I imploded. I imploded because I didn't have the, my glasses be fogging up. I didn't have the, what y'all have right now, right? Like
Leandra Morris Rucker: Right.
Christy Rutherford: Part of my goal is to be who I needed 10 years ago when I imploded, because I didn't have the women and you know, strong women, but there is a mixture of the nationalities that are in the room.
And you'll see that we're all going through something. All women in leadership going through something, right?
Leandra Morris Rucker: Mm-hmm.
Christy Rutherford: And so what we can't tell anybody, because we're the superwomen, we're the people who go and rescue everybody. We're the people that people depend on, like heaven forbid the superwoman is actually a human.
So then we end up dying in what is absolutely preventable or we get sick or we burn out, or we have to take medical leave. And so when I think about what you just talked about with regards to the women is like, we need to be able to have these conversations like Olivia just said, psychological safety, because we going to these rooms and we training [00:24:00] on communication.
I be like, hold up, but I'm crazy, but what, why are we talking about what's going on in the news when I am melting in my chair? Can you not see?
Leandra Morris Rucker: Mm-hmm.
Christy Rutherford: I need help! Does that make sense?
Leandra Morris Rucker: Mm-hmm.
Christy Rutherford: And we're having all these flowery conversations and we're talking about, oh, the men are holding us back. Only guy, we gotta make *inaudible* and oh, they privileged and entitled.
NO! HOLD UP!
I am literally dying right in front of you. Let's talk about that.
Leandra Morris Rucker: Yes. Yes. Feeling like that. You do it in a training on a Saturday when you show the, from the Lion King where the queen is walking through with the hyenas and she's looking from side to side these Mm. And she's giving them the side eye, right?
And, you know, and inside she's scared and she's dying, but she can't say, she can't do anything, cuz they gonna jump her. So everytime, you walk in the room, everytime and you got this chip on your [00:25:00] shoulder, you more worried about making sure you know your red bottoms is right, right? And your Chanel and everything, and your Prada, and your bag and your Gucci.
But inside you feel like a paper bag, a greasy paper bag from, from the chicken spot in the hood. That's what you really feel like, right? But you can't tell anybody and you can't, you surely can't show it, right? Because if you show it, they're gonna eat you up and spit you out. Right?
So that's the beauty of having that community, that the tribe, that thing that gives you life, that keeps you going when life comes swinging at you. Right? And, and also when your pendulum is swinging crazy, they pull you back, right? They, they be like, okay, sis, get off the ledge. You know, no, don't jump
You know, it's not that bad. It's bad, but they're not that bad. Well, we got you. And that, that is something that I treasure from the program.
Christy Rutherford: So did you think that level of awareness for yourself and then the love that you have for these women and then the love that you have for yourself, like, did you think this was possible, right? Like [00:26:00] at this stage in your life, did you think that this part was possible?
Leandra Morris Rucker: I didn't know. I mean, I didn't realize that my mind was literally, my mind was trashed, because, and my spirit was broken and all of that showed up as sadness and I couldn't figure out, I knew like we were going through the program and I was doing the things and one day I was just like, I feel sad,
I remember writing Raquel like, I'm doing these things. I hadn't had my moment and I felt sad and I didn't think I could ever let go of that. I just felt like it was always going to be there and she was like, "Hell to the na, we not doing this. You about to get free. Right? And this is how we going to do."
And she shared her journey and we was all crying on the call and folks who shall remain nameless was like," I don't cry. This is some BS, we don't cry. I don't cry. I'm a, I'm a strong…"
I was like, "Shut up. Here's the tissue. Be quiet. We crying." I didn't even think it was possible, but I, at the same time, it's like, , sometimes you don't know how broken you are until somebody holds a mirror up to you. Right?
And that's kind of what happened. You know, she [00:27:00] held the mirror up and she was like, why are you sad? What is this? Let's get to the t, and then I had to figure out what I needed to do to forgive myself. And it was work that we did in, but work I did outside of that.
I remember meeting with Jan and just, and going through the process with her and clearing my energy and understanding, okay, all these things are connected and I was just like, there was so much happening. So much happened in that time period.
The work that I did was probably, I mean, the last six months, the things that have happened, most people, if they get it in 20 years, if they get it, right? Because you have to be at a certain level of emotional, spiritual, and awareness and maturity in order to be receptive of it.
So I was ready. I just didn't know which direction to go and a lot of things that I have now, now, or successes I had, they were always inside of me. I just couldn't see them. That's like when Eric was like, you, I think you should be a V.P. And I was like, ready to cuss her out. Like, girl, get outta my face. I, I couldn't see what she saw.
She saw it and now she sitting there laughing at me [00:28:00] like "I told you so heffa. I tried to tell you, but you would, you wouldn't listen to me." But, out of all of that, all the things. I done forgot what you asked me, but I hope I answered it. I think so. Cause I'm cracking up, as you talked about the crying, right?
Like Crystal Johnson, we call her fairy Queen C. Hopefully Crystal will be in Atlanta so you can meet her. But anyway, she like, am I supposed to be crying this much? Right? Like, that's what all the women ask and I always tell, I cry for three years, like when we finally stopped long enough, you know, my favorite quote from Napoleon Hill, if I had the courage to look in the mirror, see myself as I truly am, if I had the courage to look in the mirror and see myself as I truly am not who I'm pretending to be.
Yes.
Christy Rutherford: Now who? Now I'm smiling on the ground, not who you know, all the collectibles and the stuff in my closet. If I had the courage to look in the mirror and see myself as I truly am, then I will find out what is wrong with me and fix it as opposed to building alibis to cover my misfortunes. And so we don't wanna [00:29:00] look in the mirror because if we stop long enough, a strong women, we running from something, Right?.
Leandra Morris Rucker: Yes.
Christy Rutherford: High achieving women are high achieving for a reason. We all running from a hell that we don't want to go back to, which is why we're working ourselves into exhaustion, which is why we're working ourselves to death. Right. And so once you, and we think that if we stop and look, that's why we don't stop, because now we actually have to fix it and we, and we don't know how to fix it.
How, you know, you talked about the results that you got in three months. A lot of people don't get it 20 years, and I tell women all the time, you're not as far away from what you want as you think you are. You just need the guided steps to be able to get you and it's a few small tweaks.
It's not even like the big things. So what was most, I would say you know, shocking to you as you started to unfold in a very short period of time.
Leandra Morris Rucker: How easy it really was once I just kind of let go, right? Everything I had, the, my gifts are still my gifts, but I literally was holding on [00:30:00] so tight to paradigms that other people had built for me that weren't mine and trying to make other people happy and whatever.
And then I discovered my homeboy, Earl Nightingale, the Strangest Secret, and I was like really do this thing like, and I'm like, okay. It made sense. It was like I, I started to think about what it is that I'm thinking about, what it is that you really want. How do you, and how do you get there?
And, I laugh because right now, because I remember writing down what I wanted to do career-wise and the VP was on there, but in my mind I really didn't believe it cuz I already told Erica like, have to leave me alone. But once I started to do the things and write on the card, , I wanna be Chief Innovation officer.
I was like, okay. I stick it in my bag every day. I look at it, it's inside my bag. I listen to Earl on the way to work, and then what am I doing, the things to get there? If this ain't the job that's gonna get you there, then what job you need to go get that job to get you there. And so be it. And they be all right.
They'll figure it out and [00:31:00] so then I started to change my mindset and the healing came in my spirit because my mind was now in a place where I can really feel secure on who I was and be able to verbalize that and not make excuses for it. And my spirit was like, happy. My soul was feeling good and, and you could see it in the way I was conducting myself and the things that I was doing.
Now, in all transparency, I backslide cuz I, I, you know, we just do what we do. We ain't gonna read why neurological ruts in one three month session, you know, it's gonna take some time. But now I have tools, right? So like when you need a hammer, you don't pull out a screwdriver, right? You need to pull, you pull a hammer out.
If you got a screwdriver, you need a hammer, you gonna switch tools. Now I need, I have all these tools that I need to be able to use when I get into certain situations in my life. Cuz the situations aren't going to change. Just my, my mindset now and how I interpret them and how I react to them has changed.
So the people out there still crazy, you know, whether you go from one job to the other, [00:32:00] you still gonna work into people who's gonna get, you know, you gonna have Karens and all the other folks in the world, but how am I going to come to it? How am I going to react? You know? Am I gonna lose my mind and cuss them out or I'm not a, I don't cuss people out, but I, I use words. I can use regular words and make them feel so bad.
I feel 'em, make 'em feel like trash, cut 'em down, but I don't do that anymore. There's been times people said things and I had to just walk away and I'm like, who is this person? I literally stood up in the meeting, held my finger up, they was arguing and got up, did the church usher finger, got up, left the meeting and went down the hallway, came back.
I was like, I'm not owning this energy. I'm not outta here. I didn't even say that, I put my finger up and said it in my head. I'm not owning this, got up and walked, and other times I would've been standing on top of the table like, let me tell you, I'm from the street, what? You dunno what hood I'm from. You don't know who you talking to.
I didn't do none of that and when I came back it was, it was all good. I was like, oh, it really works. So the little stuff I did, it kept working. And I was like, well, if that worked, let me go do this. Oh, that [00:33:00] worked over there. Let me go do that. And so it's you just working it, just keep working it. .
Christy Rutherford: That was good. Renee said, I can see, I can listen to y'all talk forever. So, you know, you said so much, right? I wrote down, It's the little things. It's not, like, we think that change is going to come from one big move. No, it's the small, it's the small things that William George Jordan talks about in the Majesty of Calmness.
He says, you know, the influence that matters the most is your personal influence. It's the subtle ways that you move. It's the things that you say, not your ego that's on dress parade. Trying to impress everybody around them is like the silent, subtle radiation of your, of your energy is what is actually going to, and we're not paying attention to the silent, subtle, or loud radiation of our energy and how we affect everybody in the room.
And so somebody said earlier that, you know, there is no space for my stronger self in the meetings [00:34:00] as the only woman of color in the room and talked about microaggressions and I remember I put it on Facebook cause I like to test myself on Facebook sometimes before I come to the Saints on LinkedIn.
And I said, microaggressions are really somebody triggering your childhood trauma. Boy! This lady from D.E.I. got on and wrote a whole dissertation. I said, first of all, I'm not talking to you . Right? I'm not talking to you. I, I respect you sis and I respect the work that you do. But a lot of the microaggressions that we claim is really unhealed trauma.
Somebody's just beating on, you know, what you haven't addressed with your father. You know, my, my boss who am I gonna be watching? But my boss who got on my nerves the most was, he, he criticized me like my dad. My dad's critically acclaimed critic, everything. Nothing is good enough, right? And so it would light me on fire and I'm having the most violent internal reaction to this man, and everybody else is, I mean, he's a toxic leader.
He's a toxic leader. But I got lighter fluid on me because he's taking me back. [00:35:00] I'm stressed out. I'm crazy.
Leandra Morris Rucker: Yes,
Christy Rutherford: I'm, I'm a leader. I got all these people to work for me. I got all these things and I haven't managed my stress. And then I got this man who's triggering me. Like nonstop, he is toxic, but why am I about to die?
It was because he was a direct reflection of my father.
Leandra Morris Rucker: Yes. And that right there is a whole mouthful. I had a serious trigger, a few weeks ago, right before I left my last job, and my best friend that's on here for over 30 years, Christine Mar Miller. I'm sorry. Sorry Chris. I forgot you married now.
Christine Miller, she called me on it. She called me on it because I was like, I'm not, I'm not *inaudible*, and I shut down and she was like, because somebody told you that they were disappointed in you. It triggered you because that was some of the, that's the one thing when you heard, when you were growing up it really hurt you.
So for someone to tell you that they were disappointed and they didn't, they didn't like your work, you shut all the way down. And she was like, no, you got this. She straightened my [00:36:00] little crown out, cause my crown was crooked hanging off. It was lopsided hanging on by a bobby pin. She, she put it back up.
She wiped the tears out my eyes. She put my shoulders back. She was like, go kill it. . And when I did , she was like, see, I told you make it pretty, make it this. She was telling me what to do and I was, I was cussing, but I did it. And then at the end I was like, oh. And then I reflected on it and she was like, do you understand what happened?
I'm like, yes, now I get it. Where before I wouldn't, first I wouldn't have been receptive. Two, I wouldn't have had the tools and three, I wouldn't have had to been with the right person. Right. I would've kind of had them around. , like you said, having those people that kick you in the teeth, , when you mean to be kicked in the teeth and hold you accountable, all of those things are very important.
Christy Rutherford: That's so good. We got two more questions. All right. Okay, now we got three more. All right, so let's talk about forgiveness. Right. And I do want to go back to one of the things that Crystal just talked about before we get into that. She says both things can be true. He's toxic and a [00:37:00] reflection of the past traumas, yes, he was a toxic leader.
But you know, you talked about earlier, so now I'm gonna back it up. Before I get to that, on the forgiveness, you talked about how we react versus how we respond. And so, you know, being on fire, and if I had, then what y'all have now, I, I would've retired and got my money. It's okay. God was like this, we gonna snatch you outta here, snatch your whole edges in your teeth out, and you gonna learn the lesson to be able to go back and teach other people.
So I don't have any regret on that, but you know, if I would've known that and if I would've forgiven and if I would've healed the stuff and the baggage that I was carrying around. And if I wouldn't acknowledge, first of all, Leandra what we talked about earlier, that I was on fire.
Leandra Morris Rucker: Mm-hmm.
Christy Rutherford: I could have responded differently to him because I would've known that he was a reflection of my father.
I would've clearly learned that through this program. And so when he say stuff, I'd be looking at him like this. I, does that make sense?
Leandra Morris Rucker: Yes.
Christy Rutherford: So what is your take on reactions versus responding? You talked about it earlier, how you would've been setting it [00:38:00] off in the room, standing up on a table.
Leandra Morris Rucker: Mm-hmm.
Christy Rutherford: And now you just be like this, I don't have to be a part of this. You just exit.
Leandra Morris Rucker: Yes. The same incident I just told you about with one of my former bosses, I didn't respond at initially and Christine was like, oh, cause normally you would've lean out. She was like, I, I was cussing it in my head and I didn't, I just looked at it.
I was, I was literally like, what? Like I looked at him like, really? And then I did start shutting down and that's when it, so, I do know that I process differently sometimes it's like, those 2.39 nanoseconds that I didn't use to do before I, I just really pause and then I'm present, right? I'm not operating from a sense of ego.
Come on, Eckhart Tolle come through. So present, being in my space, honoring who I am in the moment and owning, like sometimes it's not about you, you don't know, maybe they breakfast digested wrong or something or they kids stepped on they toe or whatever, or they off and then I was like, wait, his [00:39:00] boss is on his neck about this.
So that's why he came at my neck, because he's trying to be great and I'm not helping him be great, but he didn't communicate that, so I didn't know. But I had to be in a certain sense of awareness, self-awareness, and social awareness, my emotional intelligence had to kick up a few notches for me to even to digest that and know that.
And so then even when I had my moment, I started to go backwards. Then it was like, Ok, you don't have to do this. What? How do you control this situation? And it wasn't from a sense of control, like, I'm gonna show you who I am. No. It was like, Hmm, I get it now. So let me go do what I need to do. Let me do, be my usual great, wonderful self.
Right? And then go from that space and then the whole, like, you literally saw the, oh my God, this is wonderful. I'm, this is great. And I'm sitting there like, like literally my response changed his response and he felt comfortable cuz he didn't have to come defensive and then it was like, we was [00:40:00] just, we was grooving after that and I was just like, this is crazy.
It's so simple. It's the strangest secret and it's so simple that it's stupid. It's just stupid. It just, you just be sitting there like, wow, did that really just happen? Because it's really that simple.
Christy Rutherford: I think that, you know, the part of being in a toxic work environment is we're caught in these loops of reactions with toxic people and their pettiness, right?
Leandra Morris Rucker: Yes, Right.
Christy Rutherford: And so once you learn how to manage your own energy and once you become the master of self. People don't trigger you no more, you should be sitting there looking at them. You be like this. Yeah. Okay. And then that gives them the grace for themselves to be able to see when you're not reactive to their negativity.
They're not coming in ready for battlecat mode because y'all been fighting for so long. Does that make sense? Like now, now we can actually have the adult conversation or you can actually I can't remember who was talking about it a couple weeks ago, but actually I do, it's kind of funny, so I won't say her name, but it is like, once she stopped reacting to her boss, who was toxic and was negative, the lady came in [00:41:00] the office and started crying one day because she was going through something.
But they're caught in this, in this battlecat mode and fighting each other and once she stopped fighting with herself first, right? Once she stopped fighting and being in the thriller video with her family, dragging all the skeletons around , then she could offer grace and compassion for her boss because she knew that lady was going through something.
All women in leadership are going through some *ish, I don't care who you are, right?
Leandra Morris Rucker: Right.
Christy Rutherford: And we're so triggered by all these women. I'd be like, these sisters and these women just need a hug. Karen needs a hug. Does that make sense?
Leandra Morris Rucker: Yes.
Christy Rutherford: Karen. Karen is a Karen cause of what happened with her *inaudible*. Right?
Leandra Morris Rucker: Yep.
Christy Rutherford: Karen needs a hug and once she stopped that mental dialogue and that battle and these chest bump with this lady and the lady came to her office and started bawling and then told her like what she was going through, and now they can move forward together.
Leandra Morris Rucker: Absolutely.
Christy Rutherford: Alright, so let's talk about forgiveness right quick. That's my last question.
Leandra Morris Rucker: Okay.
Christy Rutherford: So what, what , [00:42:00] Lord, I'm just saying. You know, I was telling somebody yesterday, I said, I think people are very, people condemn other people harshly online because they condemn themselves first. Because once you acknowledge where you are and, and, and the stuff that you done did that, you walking around.
Chris is saying, I'm not hugging Karen. I'm gonna shake her hand. I'm just saying , she just, girl. It's like once you stop condemning yourself, once you acknowledge that you're not perfect, right. Once you, once you look in the mirror and be like, man, I got to, and then you forgive yourself. You have so much grace to be able to offer other people, but we can't do that when we're walking around, you know, condemning ourselves.
So what are your, what are your thoughts on forgiveness and in that process?
Leandra Morris Rucker: Well, forgiveness for me was like my major aha with Raquel and I, real, they helped me realize, honestly I had forgiven everybody else but had not forgiven myself. So the trauma that I had experienced when I was a child at five, I was still holding onto [00:43:00] that and I hadn't forgiven myself, so it was giving me that sadness that was, that I was feeling. I've been carrying around for all of these decades, and so I, you could forgive everybody else, but you have to forgive yourself. You either have to forgive yourself, well, I wasn't present with my child.
Well, you didn't know any better, you was hurt, and since you was on fire, you didn't even know you was burning up, right? You, you didn't even know you needed to get the fire extinguisher hosed down on you. But now, you know, right? So now you know better, you do better. And in that sense of present being present, you forgive yourself and the things that happened in the past, and that's how you really free yourself.
So once I was able to forgive five year old Leandra, You know now almost 50 year old Leandro's like, I'm good, we good, let's go, let's go. And now I always say to, I say to Christine, I'm in my Caleb season, right? So I'm in, so what I'd missed before, I might have looked like I was behind everybody else was moving up and going on and doing things, but I was in that process where I had some things that had to get worked out and I had to [00:44:00] forgive myself and I had to get free.
And now I'm in the Caleb acceleration mode. Now I'm going about to go claim Canan and go make it do what it do, Right? And I'm okay with that, but I couldn't get that if I hadn't forgiven myself.
Christy Rutherford: Y'all will redeem the tab, I be trying to poke scriptures on y'all while I'm cussing on the side talking 'bout
Leandra Morris Rucker: Yes, you do do it.
Christy Rutherford: I try to turn off the real religious people cuz I, I, you know, I quote a million scriptures and then I start cussing on the side and then they be like, oh my god, this chick's in conflict.
Leandra Morris Rucker: You did good today. You ain't, you just did real good. You didn't even get to your five. You did good. Yeah, you did better.
Christy Rutherford: I, I don't cuss on line cuz I know my mama didn't watch it. So maybe, I don't cuss in public when I be recorded, but behind the scenes y'all would get the business. So it's a part of, you know, forgive them for they know not what they do.
Leandra Morris Rucker: Yes.
Christy Rutherford: And really it's, forgive me for I know not what I was doing. Like when Dr. Angelou says, when you [00:45:00] know better, you do better.
Leandra Morris Rucker: Correct.
Christy Rutherford: Right? Yes. Like, we can't change our past and we carry it and we dragging around and you know, especially working moms, it's like you are working to give your kids everything. And then you look back, you be like, I probably could have spent a little bit more time with them.
Well, you can't change that, but you can now forgive yourself and then harmonize the relationships because I just think kids are gonna be traumatizing in therapy with their parents no matter what they do.
Leandra Morris Rucker: Right. So. Right, right. Alright.
Christy Rutherford: Last question. Yeah. So what advice do you have for people who are interested or are they on the line?
They'd be like, I don't know about, I think I may wanna work with these Vision Finding International people. What is your advice to people who are thinking about and considering joining the Vision Finding Master Class?
Leandra Morris Rucker: Well, I would say one thing, don't run . You told me I was a runner. You didn't talk to me crazy, but you was like, you're a runner.
Hurry, sign up. Cuz you gonna run. You gonna rationalize it. And over logic, you too smart for your own good. You gonna go through this whole analysis and talk yourself out of it. And I was just like, [00:46:00] how'd she know me? That's okay. Just do it. Like if you feel that that unction, that thing, that nut, that hunch like, eh, I don't know.
If anything, just go to the Saturday and see what it's all about, because if it was out there already, we would all be great, right? The thing that you need, if it was out there and you had access to it, you done done all the things. You done went to every*inaudible*, you got more degrees than the thermometer you done.
Went to every LinkedIn post and commenting. You done went to the workshops and you done done all the you know, done, laid in the grass underneath the sun, and all the stuff you done. Bought every self-help book, known to man and you. You still go to bed angry and mad, and your husband and you don't have Tuesdays at 10.
Your husband don't want nothing to do with you. You know, all kinds of stuff, right? And if you could, if you could do it already, you would've did it already. Cuz we all, we all bad and do our things and we could do that thing, but you can't do everything. Everybody needs a sense of community, everybody needs some help.
Some you need somebody to put the fire hose on you and put you [00:47:00] out . That's what it really is.
Christy Rutherford: You know, it's interesting what you talked about but before I get to that, so y'all can register for my event tomorrow, it’s at no cost. Keep your debit card in you go your Gucci bag. Go to levelupwithchristy.com.
Join us tomorrow from 9 to 12. I'm gonna try to pack it all in three hours. You'll be like, oh God, I gotta get it all out. But Dana say, board meetings . So you know when, when. I talked to a lot of women, actually not as many as I used to because I do these events now. But you know, you listen.
When I said you gonna run away and you was like, let me think about it. I was like, oh no. Because some women think that I'm just trying to take they money. I be like, girl, I am trying to save you from yourself. We good. Christian brother lives on the beach and she watches yachts and cruise ship pass by right down my window.
I'm good. I've been in The Bahamas for two years. But I *inaudible* place a high value on my tax. So, but you know, you believe me when I said you're going to run away and you're gonna make a decision, some women be like, oh, let me pray about it. I'll be like, girl, you, [00:48:00] but how long you've been praying?
Because if you have this negative narrative that's running in your head for years, now you, that voice is safe to you to talk you out of doing everything that's greater. And so I talk to women and then the next day they be ghosts. And I'll be like this, I'm cool. I'm cool. Like I, my whole goal is I need to be able to, to say what I need to say so I can sleep at night.
So God can be like, are you doing the work that I called you to do? I'm good if you don't sign up. So what are your thoughts around if you would have, you know, taken the day to think about it, do you think you would be where you are right now?
Leandra Morris Rucker: Oh, no. No, I wouldn't because I would've did a decision analysis on a spreadsheet and I would've looked at the cost, the return on investment, and all the things I had on my plate.
And you know, I would've rationalized an irrational situation. And you can't do that sometimes. Sometimes the things you need to do don't necessarily always make sense, but they feel good. And if that's your inside. That's that thing inside of you trying to push you in the way that you should [00:49:00] go close to your purpose and who you need to be.
Right. And so I would've ran, I would've ran like Tina Turner and ran from Ike. I would've been gone , like I'm out .
Christy Rutherford: You put it on the spreadsheet too, to justify why you said no.
Leandra Morris Rucker: Yes. Right. And then still been, you know, talking about how I don't have this, and I don't have and I don't understand why these people ain't, you know, mad and they're not helping me, and they're not there for me.
And, you know, whatever. Same narrative.
Christy Rutherford: All right, we gotta get off this phone. But, you know, I'm proud of you. We're all proud of you.
Leandra Morris Rucker: Thank you
Christy Rutherford: You know, like the joy that you have is undeniable. The new position that you have, that's what we do over here. , you know, and you've had some other things that have happened.
We ain't gonna tell all your business, but that's just like mind blowing because now you're in alignment. You're in alignment to now receive what has been stored up for you, which is what I always say. And I like y'all to prove me right. I just be like, y'all need to get out the way. Right. God has greater for you, y'all in the way.[00:50:00]
Leandra Morris Rucker: Right? And then stop, you know, one thing I'll add is. It's not about titles, it's not about money. I mean, I'm not gonna pop my collar or nothing like that. But what I'm gonna say is I haven't actively sought a position in over 10 years. Somebody always coming to me, tap me on my back, say, I want you to come.
So you already know you got the juice. It's just, you gotta make sure you do the inside work to match the outside, right? And not be worried about being, you know, the blah blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, . And how was like we, you gonna get your coin, you gonna get your coin, because you already doing it. So if you position yourself and be present and honor who you are, right?
And so then your gifts will match everything else that's out there for you.
Christy Rutherford: Yeah. I had somebody inbox me the other day and she ended up wanting a refund for, you know, for the program. Right. She didn't even start, she didn't even try, you know, I was hot. I, I'm almost sure I cussed out. I'm almost, I'm almost 90% sure that she got cussed out because I was like, you didn't even try to change it.
So she inboxed me, and I'm not knocking her, [00:51:00] but she inboxed like, oh, Christy, you know, because of what you talking about. I doubled my salary. I said, I don't give a s h I t, I think I put S H Y t. I don't care about the money, if you still dragging around all this trauma, Does that make sense? Like if, if, you know, I wanna say this, we get off this phone cause I got one o'clock, but like we don't care about the money.
We want our money though. We gonna be quit. Like I'm not impressed if you doubled your salary, if you still crazy, right?
Leandra Morris Rucker: We on fire.
Christy Rutherford: Yeah. I'm not impressed that you doubled or even tripled a quadruple your salary you can get a seven figure package, but if you're who I talk to and you're melting and you're drowning and you're on fire and you dragging around an 18 wheeler worth of baggage and you don't forgive yourself and you condemn yourself, like, I'm not going to clap for you if you got a million dollar package.
Leandra Morris Rucker: Amen.
I was just preaching on
Christy Rutherford: that on the end, but you already know that, like what are your thoughts about that with clothes? Like what are your thoughts around, had you gotten the money now without being who you are? What's difference?[00:52:00]
Leandra Morris Rucker: I've still been sad. I still, I think that I am able to do more now because I'm free, right?
Christy Rutherford: Mm-hmm, Mm-hmm,
Leandra Morris Rucker: And if financial stability is not necessarily always the marker of success, you show us like we're spending 90% of our time on work and 10% on our families and whatever, and you need to flip that. So now I'm spending, you know, more time with my husband and my children and my friends and you know, building me up and I'm still doing my job.
You know, I don't need to give them the 90, I can give them the 10 and still be great, right? Mm-hmm. . Cause I know who I am. I'm being more direct about what I want, how I want it, but I'm honoring who I am. Mm-hmm. . The money gonna be there. If anything, more money and more everything will come to you. But that peace and that joy and that knowing that you're, you're walking in your anointing and that you're walking and who you are and your purpose.
That's that thing that gets you up in the morning. That's that thing, you know, when you say turn your sparkle, right? I'm turning all [00:53:00] the sparkle. I'm gonna turn it all day long and you don't want to get out cause you gonna get covered in sparkle and glitter.
Christy Rutherford: Yeah. Yep. Yep. All right, ma'am. Thank you so much.
Crystal, says ragged millionaires walking around here. Hey, man, I don't, I don't care about your money. But look, let's be clear, we won't have money, so thank you so much, ma'am. Don't hang up. Everybody have a great weekend. You can go to LevelUpWithChristy.com join me tomorrow as I drag y'all through the mud between 9 and 12.
Leandra Morris Rucker: White meat, get the white meat dragged out you, (Both Laughing)
Christy Rutherford: Alright y'all have a good weekend
Narrator: Thank you for joining us. Be sure to subscribe to this podcast and leave us a review. If you love this episode, follow Christy on Instagram and LinkedIn, and don't forget to get her free gift by texting. "Changenow", all one word again, "changenow" to 6 6 8 6 6. Until next time, go out and win bigger.