1 00:00:09,091 --> 00:00:11,641 Well, Hey everybody, Jonathan Doyle with you. 2 00:00:11,641 --> 00:00:15,331 Once again, we'll come back to the daily podcast, my friends working through and 3 00:00:15,331 --> 00:00:21,451 fascinating series of listener questions over the next a I dunno, maybe week or so. 4 00:00:21,451 --> 00:00:24,951 Two weeks of episodes are going to be covering questions straight from you guys. 5 00:00:25,591 --> 00:00:27,121 Which is, um, which is really great. 6 00:00:27,121 --> 00:00:30,511 And as I've mentioned in the last few episodes, it is a. 7 00:00:31,111 --> 00:00:37,711 Regulatory experience in the sense that it reminds me of, um, just how similar. 8 00:00:38,521 --> 00:00:38,951 Other challenges. 9 00:00:39,901 --> 00:00:43,381 And opportunities for growth that we all face a welcome a board. 10 00:00:43,381 --> 00:00:45,931 If you're a new listener, I know many of you have been on the 11 00:00:45,931 --> 00:00:46,951 journey with me for a long time. 12 00:00:46,951 --> 00:00:49,951 So thank you so much for your faithfulness and loyalty. 13 00:00:49,951 --> 00:00:50,451 I get to meet, 14 00:00:51,181 --> 00:00:53,881 You know, so many of you being back on the speaking circuit again. 15 00:00:53,881 --> 00:00:56,581 So, uh, if I haven't met you in person, hopefully I'll get to an 16 00:00:56,581 --> 00:01:00,241 event soon and, uh, and we'll get to meet up, but thanks to everybody new 17 00:01:00,241 --> 00:01:03,121 listeners, please make sure you've subscribed, hit that subscribe button. 18 00:01:03,121 --> 00:01:03,851 And for everybody. 19 00:01:04,381 --> 00:01:05,761 Please go and check out the show notes. 20 00:01:05,791 --> 00:01:06,811 All the links are there. 21 00:01:07,201 --> 00:01:08,761 Uh, you can get a free copy of my book. 22 00:01:08,761 --> 00:01:09,841 You can book me to speak. 23 00:01:09,841 --> 00:01:11,191 You can book me for coaching. 24 00:01:11,191 --> 00:01:14,041 You can check out Karen's master class for women. 25 00:01:14,461 --> 00:01:18,391 So, um, if you happen to be a woman, Go and check out that 26 00:01:18,391 --> 00:01:19,621 link to Karen's masterclass. 27 00:01:19,681 --> 00:01:21,541 She, uh, works with women around all around the world. 28 00:01:21,541 --> 00:01:23,371 It's a great program to go check that out today. 29 00:01:23,911 --> 00:01:27,421 We, uh, responding to a listener question, as I haven't mentioned, 30 00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:32,071 and we are dealing with a topic that is arguably the most popular topic. 31 00:01:32,071 --> 00:01:32,551 Sadly. 32 00:01:33,481 --> 00:01:37,471 In, uh, in podcasts, my podcast sort of history because I look at some of 33 00:01:37,471 --> 00:01:40,831 the diagnostics and we've covered this a few weeks, maybe a month or two ago. 34 00:01:41,311 --> 00:01:44,101 And it was very popular out on YouTube as well. 35 00:01:44,101 --> 00:01:47,221 It was, um, it was really popular and it's really getting back 36 00:01:47,221 --> 00:01:48,951 to the topic of toxic people. 37 00:01:49,681 --> 00:01:51,961 And the listener question was, they said to me, 38 00:01:52,621 --> 00:01:57,091 Uh, how do I deal with people that want to bring you down, fill you with fear 39 00:01:57,301 --> 00:01:59,791 and blame you for being the aggressor? 40 00:01:59,851 --> 00:02:01,051 You'll be so proud of me, everybody. 41 00:02:01,981 --> 00:02:05,641 I just thought of, uh, you know, Those of you that know the show 42 00:02:05,641 --> 00:02:08,731 will know that I have strong libertarian leanings, and I felt that. 43 00:02:09,271 --> 00:02:13,021 That question was describing a lot of our current political social 44 00:02:13,021 --> 00:02:15,851 experience, but I'm going to restrain myself from going down that rabbit 45 00:02:16,681 --> 00:02:18,961 But we're talking about toxic people. 46 00:02:19,711 --> 00:02:22,021 The kind of people who enjoy bringing us down. 47 00:02:22,711 --> 00:02:25,051 Being negative, being critical, using fear. 48 00:02:26,341 --> 00:02:29,041 And then of course blame you for being the aggressor, which I guess 49 00:02:29,041 --> 00:02:30,651 is the concept of gaslighting. 50 00:02:31,411 --> 00:02:36,511 Which is, if you're not familiar with it is kind Convincing somebody that 51 00:02:36,511 --> 00:02:39,991 they did or said something that they genuinely didn't do and messing with 52 00:02:39,991 --> 00:02:43,021 their minds so that they begin to wonder whether they did it or not. 53 00:02:43,141 --> 00:02:47,281 And tragically gaslighting has led to some absolutely awful outcomes. 54 00:02:47,281 --> 00:02:49,651 People making tragic decisions about their own lives. 55 00:02:50,821 --> 00:02:56,221 And based on being a guest's So here we are friends in the realm of toxic people. 56 00:02:56,221 --> 00:02:57,241 A few thoughts on this. 57 00:02:57,301 --> 00:03:00,691 Uh, many of us are dealing with this in different times in life. 58 00:03:00,751 --> 00:03:03,361 Most often in the work context, a lot of other places. 59 00:03:04,201 --> 00:03:04,861 You know, you can. 60 00:03:05,401 --> 00:03:07,801 You can be more selective and you can avoid it, but it's 61 00:03:07,831 --> 00:03:10,981 traditionally, uh, the workplace or. 62 00:03:11,611 --> 00:03:13,381 Different organizations that we can belong to. 63 00:03:13,381 --> 00:03:15,251 We'll be running to people who seem to. 64 00:03:16,081 --> 00:03:18,721 Not only a desire. 65 00:03:18,991 --> 00:03:22,321 Well, you know, to, uh, to cause harm, but genuinely enjoy it. 66 00:03:22,441 --> 00:03:27,811 And one thought I've had is the kind of sad and tragic unraveling 67 00:03:27,811 --> 00:03:29,761 of aspects of our social fabric. 68 00:03:29,761 --> 00:03:30,271 So kind of. 69 00:03:31,351 --> 00:03:35,761 You know, the, the impact of, of technology in some ways, the 70 00:03:35,761 --> 00:03:38,041 impact upon families parenting. 71 00:03:38,791 --> 00:03:40,561 A whole bunch of technological factors. 72 00:03:40,831 --> 00:03:45,901 I would suggest a, probably going to see a lot more of this before we see less of it. 73 00:03:46,771 --> 00:03:50,551 You know, the kind of cohesion, the social cohesion, the bonds of. 74 00:03:51,091 --> 00:03:55,081 Relationships and social belonging that have marked us species. 75 00:03:55,141 --> 00:04:00,121 Since we emerged as homo sapiens sapiens, about 350,000 years ago. 76 00:04:00,631 --> 00:04:02,851 Many of those have been profoundly under pressure. 77 00:04:03,151 --> 00:04:04,151 You know, definitely. 78 00:04:04,741 --> 00:04:08,671 Since the industrial revolution in the 1860s, but the kind of factors that 79 00:04:08,671 --> 00:04:10,321 held communities and people together. 80 00:04:11,611 --> 00:04:15,421 Uh, I really broken and we're seeing this incredible atomization of culture where, 81 00:04:15,871 --> 00:04:20,791 you know, so many young people, of course are being raised digitally and lack of 82 00:04:20,791 --> 00:04:25,171 exposure to nature and extended family and all these factors that are making. 83 00:04:25,831 --> 00:04:29,671 I guess growing up in a really healthy spiritually and socially adjusted 84 00:04:29,671 --> 00:04:33,151 way more difficult than it may have been at other times in history. 85 00:04:33,661 --> 00:04:34,771 So, what do we do with that? 86 00:04:34,831 --> 00:04:37,381 Um, knowing that we're probably gonna see more of it rather 87 00:04:37,381 --> 00:04:38,641 than less and buy more of it. 88 00:04:38,641 --> 00:04:40,501 I mean, I think we're gonna see more damage to people. 89 00:04:40,501 --> 00:04:41,821 I think we're going to see more people. 90 00:04:42,361 --> 00:04:44,851 Who have experienced some pretty difficult. 91 00:04:44,881 --> 00:04:46,441 Um, parenting. 92 00:04:47,221 --> 00:04:51,091 Different social studies, different, difficult social situations, and that 93 00:04:51,091 --> 00:04:54,571 lack of formation is going to play out. 94 00:04:54,571 --> 00:04:54,961 So. 95 00:04:55,651 --> 00:04:56,611 What do we do about it? 96 00:04:56,851 --> 00:04:58,801 People that want to bring us down, fill us with fear and 97 00:04:58,801 --> 00:04:59,971 blame me for being the aggressor. 98 00:04:59,971 --> 00:05:03,351 I sit in a recent episode when you find yourself in a situation. 99 00:05:04,111 --> 00:05:05,451 With this kind of thing is happening. 100 00:05:06,511 --> 00:05:10,051 There's three options and it is a real, uh, keep revisiting this. 101 00:05:10,051 --> 00:05:14,941 Cause I think it's a really good summation of where our decision-making 102 00:05:14,941 --> 00:05:17,491 and agency can lie in life. 103 00:05:18,001 --> 00:05:23,551 And it's, you can either leave a situation, change the situation. 104 00:05:24,121 --> 00:05:25,771 Or accept the situation. 105 00:05:26,011 --> 00:05:28,861 So this really worth holding onto that as we go through life and we 106 00:05:28,861 --> 00:05:29,851 encounter different experiences. 107 00:05:30,871 --> 00:05:32,451 So you're in a workplace you're somewhere. 108 00:05:33,361 --> 00:05:36,301 With somebody who is, um, you know, is, is really ticking 109 00:05:36,301 --> 00:05:38,431 that box for toxic behavior. 110 00:05:38,851 --> 00:05:40,981 You know, and on this, you're going to have a spectrum here, right? 111 00:05:40,981 --> 00:05:44,941 You're gonna have a spectrum from just difficult people with poor social skills, 112 00:05:44,941 --> 00:05:49,411 all the way to full blown sociopathy and narcissistic personality disorder. 113 00:05:49,411 --> 00:05:49,551 My 114 00:05:50,311 --> 00:05:54,121 It seems very common, like much more common than it months might have been. 115 00:05:54,121 --> 00:05:54,721 Like, I think. 116 00:05:55,231 --> 00:05:58,561 There was always sociopath's and narcissists floating around. 117 00:05:58,561 --> 00:06:02,011 But, uh, they, there seems to be a lot more of it lately. 118 00:06:02,011 --> 00:06:04,171 I think we're seeing a fair bit of it in certain. 119 00:06:04,861 --> 00:06:08,251 Uh, political, uh, figures across the spectrum. 120 00:06:08,251 --> 00:06:09,631 This isn't really a left or right thing. 121 00:06:09,631 --> 00:06:10,651 I think we're seeing it in different 122 00:06:11,791 --> 00:06:17,251 Um, people whose obsession with self and with self-promotion is highly destructive. 123 00:06:17,971 --> 00:06:19,551 So we're, we're looking at that spectrum, right? 124 00:06:19,831 --> 00:06:23,821 Through, you Through experiencing somebody and thinking to yourself, you know, what. 125 00:06:23,941 --> 00:06:25,771 Uh, just don't vibe with this person. 126 00:06:25,771 --> 00:06:27,721 I just, just not my, not my bag. 127 00:06:28,141 --> 00:06:31,621 All the way to people who enjoy causing harm. 128 00:06:31,621 --> 00:06:32,671 And that's pretty much. 129 00:06:33,181 --> 00:06:34,381 Yeah, sociopathy. 130 00:06:35,191 --> 00:06:36,271 From my understanding. 131 00:06:36,301 --> 00:06:39,631 Sociopath's do not understand. 132 00:06:40,111 --> 00:06:41,551 That their behaviors. 133 00:06:42,061 --> 00:06:42,901 Harm others. 134 00:06:43,051 --> 00:06:46,141 So they think they're being normal, but they just don't. 135 00:06:46,201 --> 00:06:47,281 They cannot process it. 136 00:06:47,281 --> 00:06:47,551 Understand. 137 00:06:48,451 --> 00:06:52,501 That the way that they live, behave, speak, interact, causes harm. 138 00:06:52,501 --> 00:06:54,751 So they're dangerous because they just don't get it. 139 00:06:54,781 --> 00:06:55,861 They just don't even see it. 140 00:06:56,371 --> 00:06:58,351 All the way through the psychopathic, which is people 141 00:06:58,351 --> 00:07:00,721 who genuinely enjoy causing pain. 142 00:07:01,081 --> 00:07:04,891 Um, Hopefully, none of us, you know, regularly encounter 143 00:07:04,891 --> 00:07:06,361 somebody in that category. 144 00:07:06,361 --> 00:07:10,921 But we, we definitely encounter people somewhere from slightly annoying to 145 00:07:10,981 --> 00:07:12,721 narcissistic personality disorder. 146 00:07:12,721 --> 00:07:13,471 So here's our options. 147 00:07:14,281 --> 00:07:17,951 We leave it, we accept it or we change Now. 148 00:07:18,661 --> 00:07:21,151 The core response would be well. 149 00:07:21,901 --> 00:07:23,341 Jonathan, you don't know my situation. 150 00:07:23,341 --> 00:07:25,501 It's not possible for me to leave the situation. 151 00:07:25,531 --> 00:07:26,731 You know, I can't financially. 152 00:07:26,731 --> 00:07:29,551 I can't, I can't, You know, I kind of get it. 153 00:07:29,581 --> 00:07:32,551 I took Olivia out my daughter to a movie the other day is a French movie. 154 00:07:32,551 --> 00:07:35,671 We try and try and show her a lot of really interesting international films. 155 00:07:35,911 --> 00:07:38,581 Um, a French subtitle film called full-time. 156 00:07:39,301 --> 00:07:43,231 It was about this woman who has two young kids and relationships broken down. 157 00:07:43,261 --> 00:07:44,851 She's working in Paris. 158 00:07:45,391 --> 00:07:46,141 As a head. 159 00:07:46,741 --> 00:07:47,651 Uh, chamber maiden. 160 00:07:47,851 --> 00:07:52,261 The exclusive hotel and just the pressure that she's under the financial strain, 161 00:07:52,291 --> 00:07:54,851 the physical strain, the time strain. 162 00:07:55,441 --> 00:07:56,491 And it's a brilliant film. 163 00:07:56,491 --> 00:07:57,391 I really recommend seeing it. 164 00:07:57,391 --> 00:07:59,371 If you can find it's called full time and. 165 00:08:00,211 --> 00:08:03,721 You know, it's a, it's a great snapshot into the reality that there are, I 166 00:08:03,721 --> 00:08:05,101 said this to Olivia on the way home. 167 00:08:05,101 --> 00:08:07,111 I said, you know, there are plenty of people on. 168 00:08:07,141 --> 00:08:08,851 I said, they're just under so much pressure. 169 00:08:09,841 --> 00:08:12,451 That they can't easily leave a situation. 170 00:08:12,601 --> 00:08:18,091 So I'm honestly not sure how to answer that because I think if situations 171 00:08:18,121 --> 00:08:21,121 are genuinely toxic, there really is a trade off that has to be made. 172 00:08:21,901 --> 00:08:23,011 The trade-off between. 173 00:08:23,641 --> 00:08:29,401 Financial imperatives and other relational social imperatives, you You 174 00:08:29,401 --> 00:08:33,451 could be working in a job where you're making really good money, but it, you 175 00:08:33,451 --> 00:08:36,871 know, you're dealing with really awful people that are wrecking your life and 176 00:08:36,871 --> 00:08:38,431 you bringing that stuff home with you. 177 00:08:38,971 --> 00:08:43,051 And ultimately what has to be done is an evaluation of the, you know, 178 00:08:43,051 --> 00:08:44,521 it's a cost benefit analysis, right? 179 00:08:44,521 --> 00:08:45,301 It's trade offs. 180 00:08:45,301 --> 00:08:45,551 It's like, 181 00:08:46,501 --> 00:08:48,901 You're placing a particular value upon the money. 182 00:08:49,711 --> 00:08:50,881 And I'm not judging anybody. 183 00:08:50,881 --> 00:08:54,691 I don't know anybody's circumstance and it could be at an accurate evaluation. 184 00:08:55,081 --> 00:08:57,961 All the way through to, you're just not prepared to let it go. 185 00:08:58,021 --> 00:09:02,041 And in your hierarchy where the consciously or unconsciously you're 186 00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:05,731 placing the finance ahead of the crucial relationships in your life. 187 00:09:06,331 --> 00:09:08,281 So that's the first thing we got to really look at it. 188 00:09:08,281 --> 00:09:11,611 We're dealing with really awful people who had making our lives unbearable. 189 00:09:11,971 --> 00:09:13,651 That stuff comes home with us. 190 00:09:13,651 --> 00:09:14,761 That stuff affects us. 191 00:09:14,791 --> 00:09:17,491 So we have to prayerfully. 192 00:09:17,881 --> 00:09:20,311 Intelligently consider that truth, you know? 193 00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:25,471 I think often in that circumstance, we can absolutize things we can just get in 194 00:09:25,471 --> 00:09:26,971 a point where we're like, I can't leave. 195 00:09:26,971 --> 00:09:27,511 I can't leave. 196 00:09:27,511 --> 00:09:27,871 I can't leave. 197 00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:28,551 It's impossible to 198 00:09:29,731 --> 00:09:31,951 So I really encourage people to critique that story. 199 00:09:33,181 --> 00:09:36,481 Uh, sometimes it's, you know, and again, in this movie full time, 200 00:09:36,481 --> 00:09:39,251 when, when everything eventually falls apart, there's like this. 201 00:09:40,441 --> 00:09:46,051 Small island of refuge, where all the insane living stops for a moment, 202 00:09:46,051 --> 00:09:47,701 because it was all taken away from it. 203 00:09:47,731 --> 00:09:49,751 And, you know, you see this kind of. 204 00:09:50,581 --> 00:09:53,251 She suddenly found a moments, peace, realizing that everything 205 00:09:53,281 --> 00:09:56,221 that she'd thought that was so utterly crucial to our life. 206 00:09:57,001 --> 00:09:59,131 You know, wasn't and she couldn't see what the future was going to 207 00:09:59,131 --> 00:10:02,071 bring, but there was this moment and it's quite a beautifully done 208 00:10:02,071 --> 00:10:04,471 in the film where she suddenly realized that that stuff was over. 209 00:10:04,471 --> 00:10:06,251 So all of this is my way of saying to us all. 210 00:10:07,411 --> 00:10:11,221 You got to really evaluate what's most important in And if you're 211 00:10:11,221 --> 00:10:15,051 staying somewhere for the money or the promotions or whatever else. 212 00:10:15,811 --> 00:10:19,861 You got to weigh that up because if it's wrecking your health and the 213 00:10:19,891 --> 00:10:24,631 relational, emotional health of the people Nothing's worth that it really isn't. 214 00:10:24,631 --> 00:10:25,051 Nothing's worth 215 00:10:26,311 --> 00:10:27,631 People filling you with fear. 216 00:10:28,051 --> 00:10:30,541 You know, this is the question here where she says, you know, what do I do 217 00:10:30,571 --> 00:10:31,591 with people that fill you with fear? 218 00:10:31,651 --> 00:10:34,441 I think it was Eleanor Roosevelt that famously said. 219 00:10:35,371 --> 00:10:39,361 No one can make me feel anything unless I give them permission. 220 00:10:39,841 --> 00:10:40,981 Um, it's a powerful quote. 221 00:10:41,011 --> 00:10:41,221 Isn't it? 222 00:10:41,251 --> 00:10:44,161 I don't and she says, no one can make me feel anything unless 223 00:10:44,161 --> 00:10:45,121 I give them permission to. 224 00:10:45,781 --> 00:10:46,951 I don't know what I think about that. 225 00:10:47,041 --> 00:10:47,941 What do you think about that? 226 00:10:47,941 --> 00:10:52,141 Like, People can act in ways that can really impact us. 227 00:10:52,141 --> 00:10:52,471 Right. 228 00:10:52,471 --> 00:10:55,591 But she sort of saying that we don't have to give away our power to people. 229 00:10:55,591 --> 00:10:58,411 We don't have to let them take that control. 230 00:10:58,411 --> 00:11:00,991 And again, this question today is pretty general, so I don't know the 231 00:11:00,991 --> 00:11:03,121 specifics of this person's circumstance. 232 00:11:03,721 --> 00:11:07,021 But, um, yeah, there's definitely people that can intimidate that can 233 00:11:07,021 --> 00:11:10,531 be, you know, Really seeking power and. 234 00:11:11,311 --> 00:11:12,541 I don't know how much you can do with that. 235 00:11:12,541 --> 00:11:14,821 I remember the first job I ever worked when I graduated. 236 00:11:15,331 --> 00:11:19,291 There was this one guy who was pretty much the organizational, you know, 237 00:11:19,531 --> 00:11:20,851 the office psychopath, this, they 238 00:11:21,811 --> 00:11:22,681 I had this idea. 239 00:11:22,711 --> 00:11:26,491 I had this idea to try something innovative, and I remember him kind 240 00:11:26,491 --> 00:11:30,361 of walking up in my space and getting in my physical space and basically. 241 00:11:30,601 --> 00:11:33,241 Uh, trying to intimidate me and I'm like, is this a thing? 242 00:11:33,271 --> 00:11:35,731 People really do this, like, I get it. 243 00:11:35,881 --> 00:11:36,331 I get that. 244 00:11:36,331 --> 00:11:36,901 They can do it. 245 00:11:36,901 --> 00:11:37,951 So what are my options? 246 00:11:38,101 --> 00:11:39,721 You know, back in that circumstance. 247 00:11:40,111 --> 00:11:42,241 Options, you know, leave, accept, or change. 248 00:11:42,301 --> 00:11:43,021 I chose to leave. 249 00:11:43,051 --> 00:11:45,721 I chose to find a much better place that opened up new doors 250 00:11:45,721 --> 00:11:47,251 and There's been somewhere else. 251 00:11:47,911 --> 00:11:52,141 Because I'm not really, I don't, I don't see our employment as often the 252 00:11:52,141 --> 00:11:54,251 place where we need to change others. 253 00:11:55,471 --> 00:11:56,611 Because creating change in others. 254 00:11:56,641 --> 00:11:58,291 I mean, firstly people have to want to change. 255 00:11:58,291 --> 00:12:00,991 It's incredibly hard to change people that don't want to change. 256 00:12:00,991 --> 00:12:05,071 It's very stressful and it takes a lot of energy and they really say, thank you. 257 00:12:05,071 --> 00:12:06,541 And you've got to weigh up if that's worth it. 258 00:12:06,541 --> 00:12:06,781 Right. 259 00:12:06,811 --> 00:12:08,451 So if people are filling you with fear, 260 00:12:09,481 --> 00:12:10,831 Leave accept or change. 261 00:12:11,101 --> 00:12:12,601 And I don't think you can accept that. 262 00:12:12,601 --> 00:12:14,521 And I don't think you can stay under that. 263 00:12:15,091 --> 00:12:18,811 So I think if people are emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, 264 00:12:18,811 --> 00:12:21,511 or physically intimidating you and driving fear into you, 265 00:12:21,541 --> 00:12:22,501 you have to be somewhere else. 266 00:12:22,531 --> 00:12:23,401 I would say you would need. 267 00:12:23,671 --> 00:12:26,551 My, my, my sense is that you would need to leave that situation. 268 00:12:27,691 --> 00:12:29,851 And again, I don't know the specific CSO. 269 00:12:30,781 --> 00:12:33,631 Just take that for what it's worth and the gaslighting, where they say blame 270 00:12:33,631 --> 00:12:34,951 you for being the aggressive that is. 271 00:12:35,581 --> 00:12:37,711 That's basically psychological harm, right? 272 00:12:37,711 --> 00:12:41,761 Like it's, he, you can't walk into a workplace and just physically hit somebody 273 00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:43,251 you get fired and possibly arrested. 274 00:12:44,311 --> 00:12:46,651 But, you know, to Gaslight somebody to. 275 00:12:47,281 --> 00:12:50,551 To treat them terribly and then turn it around and say that they're treating, you 276 00:12:50,551 --> 00:12:52,291 know, that you're treating them terribly. 277 00:12:52,291 --> 00:12:54,991 That's, that's psychological damage humans. 278 00:12:54,991 --> 00:12:55,771 Aren't designed for that. 279 00:12:55,891 --> 00:12:57,951 And we're not designed to get messed up in that way. 280 00:12:58,111 --> 00:13:02,371 And, you know, one of the basic things that they do in, in 281 00:13:02,731 --> 00:13:04,351 torture and deprivation stuff. 282 00:13:04,381 --> 00:13:05,641 I remember reading about this in. 283 00:13:06,211 --> 00:13:10,621 You know, Novels and historical books around special forces training. 284 00:13:11,371 --> 00:13:14,701 You know, one of the things they do is they, you know, they, they try and 285 00:13:14,821 --> 00:13:16,591 test soldiers in case they're captured. 286 00:13:16,591 --> 00:13:16,771 Right. 287 00:13:16,771 --> 00:13:21,001 And they do sleep deprivation and then they, they keep messing with their heads. 288 00:13:21,001 --> 00:13:24,451 They keep saying one thing, doing another, changing the parameters 289 00:13:24,451 --> 00:13:25,651 and the environment all the time. 290 00:13:26,461 --> 00:13:29,251 One of the quickest ways to destabilize people is to do that. 291 00:13:29,311 --> 00:13:29,671 So. 292 00:13:30,271 --> 00:13:32,371 Having settled that this is a happy episode, isn't it? 293 00:13:32,431 --> 00:13:35,731 Um, I don't know if you can be there. 294 00:13:36,031 --> 00:13:40,141 So I would encourage you to, you know, it is possible to find environments that 295 00:13:40,141 --> 00:13:43,621 are positive, that are full of light, that are full of good people, where you 296 00:13:43,621 --> 00:13:45,391 want to be, where you're appreciated. 297 00:13:45,961 --> 00:13:49,801 So, again, I You're talking about a work context or is it a 298 00:13:49,801 --> 00:13:51,931 social relational family context? 299 00:13:52,681 --> 00:13:56,881 Um, You know, I guess if it's a relational context or a family 300 00:13:56,911 --> 00:13:58,891 context, there's the possibility of. 301 00:13:59,701 --> 00:14:04,141 Have a discussion of calling this stuff out and saying, You're really critical. 302 00:14:04,141 --> 00:14:04,891 You're really negative. 303 00:14:04,921 --> 00:14:06,001 You keep criticizing me. 304 00:14:06,001 --> 00:14:06,781 I need you to stop. 305 00:14:06,811 --> 00:14:08,521 You know, you intimidate me and I don't like it. 306 00:14:09,031 --> 00:14:13,111 Um, You know, Uh, at least you can have that conversation, you know, 307 00:14:13,111 --> 00:14:18,651 don't put yourself in any risk, but, you know, Often in the workplace and. 308 00:14:19,531 --> 00:14:20,351 To the workplace question. 309 00:14:21,871 --> 00:14:24,061 You know, a lot of places have systems, right? 310 00:14:24,211 --> 00:14:26,941 Let us, you know, have systems and ways that you can provide. 311 00:14:27,331 --> 00:14:28,861 You can send things up the chain. 312 00:14:29,041 --> 00:14:31,591 Most organizations now are quite concerned about. 313 00:14:32,011 --> 00:14:34,441 The kind of litigation and problems that can come from this. 314 00:14:34,441 --> 00:14:37,651 So again, without knowing your exact circumstance, it's hard to say, 315 00:14:38,701 --> 00:14:42,031 If there is a system you can use, then use that system. 316 00:14:42,121 --> 00:14:45,661 If it's a family or relational situation, then is it possible to risk 317 00:14:45,661 --> 00:14:48,691 the very difficult conversation that obviously needs to have to happen here. 318 00:14:48,691 --> 00:14:49,921 But again, if it's a. 319 00:14:50,461 --> 00:14:52,981 It's a dangerous situation in your way. 320 00:14:53,011 --> 00:14:56,581 I think you would be best to exit that as quickly as possible. 321 00:14:56,581 --> 00:14:56,951 So friends. 322 00:14:58,261 --> 00:15:01,451 You know, for all of us listening, who don't experience that sort of thing. 323 00:15:02,491 --> 00:15:03,721 I would say that. 324 00:15:04,231 --> 00:15:06,331 You know, behind all of what I'm saying is the belief that 325 00:15:06,331 --> 00:15:07,621 we are allowed to be happy. 326 00:15:08,191 --> 00:15:12,361 That we are allowed to be in places where we feel appreciated. 327 00:15:12,841 --> 00:15:15,571 Places where I give to recognize and we get to use them. 328 00:15:15,721 --> 00:15:19,351 So for all of us dealing with really toxic, difficult people, I 329 00:15:19,351 --> 00:15:23,251 would say to you weigh up the cost benefit analysis, weigh up the, the. 330 00:15:23,341 --> 00:15:23,671 The. 331 00:15:24,301 --> 00:15:28,471 You know, the, uh, The on costs, the kind of other effects on your health, your 332 00:15:28,471 --> 00:15:32,311 outside relationships, your family, your parenting, and ask yourself, you know, 333 00:15:32,311 --> 00:15:33,751 do I need to make some changes here? 334 00:15:33,751 --> 00:15:37,351 So leave, change your accept friends, leave, change, or accept. 335 00:15:38,461 --> 00:15:38,941 Okay. 336 00:15:39,091 --> 00:15:39,811 I hope that's useful. 337 00:15:39,811 --> 00:15:40,801 Let me know what you think, guys. 338 00:15:40,831 --> 00:15:43,231 Uh, you can jump on the YouTube channel, leave some comments there. 339 00:15:43,231 --> 00:15:47,641 On this episode, you can email me, jonathan@jonathandoyle.co. 340 00:15:48,181 --> 00:15:50,221 This has been the daily podcast. 341 00:15:50,251 --> 00:15:51,841 Please make sure you're subscribed. 342 00:15:51,841 --> 00:15:54,061 And I'm going to have another message for Tomorrow.