This is a Global Player original podcast.

Hello, I'm Vogue Williams and she's Amber.

Welcome to our podcast, Amber and Vogue.

It's the bonus episode.

I love what you're wearing.

Amber's.

Is that my shirt?

It's not your shirt, actually.

Maybe it's a hand me down.

Who knows?

But listen, I don't think I would have given that away.

Where's it from?

Where's the label say you're a thief?

Nothing.

I'm not a thief.

Vogue.

Actually, maybe this came from mom.

Anyway, I prepped myself.

I saw I was on a video call today, and I was just like, I'm definitely gonna get it about this top.

And I was like, okay, what could she potentially slag me about?

I love it.

No.

And I was like, I know what I look like.

I look like a doily.

A doily?

You look like a doily and Little House in the Prairie all rolled into one.

Yeah.

Little Women.

I look like Gemma Collins.

Remember when she wore that outfit with the.

With the American footballer shoulders?

Like their shoulders in my jaw?

What is that?

Are you wearing a, like, bulletproof vest?

No.

It's not great either is.

It's not great.

It's.

It's okay.

You're making it work.

You know the way I always say.

I'm like, I'd never.

I'd never do that.

Well, when Emma was telling us her favorite dessert, sticky toffee pudding, I was like, oh, I'd never word that now after seeing it being made.

No, no, no.

Guess what?

I've just ordered in the dessert to the room.

I'm gonna have fries because I ate something at about 4:00, so I'm not full hungry, but I'm gonna have fries and sticky toffee pudding and I'm recording.

And the next.

So there's a show called Love Triangle, which I did the end show of last year.

And I'm doing the end show, like the reunion show again this year.

And I get to watch four episodes of it tonight.

Binge watch it.

It's so good.

And I can call it work.

I'm working.

Watching TV and working.

Have you ever been in a love triangle?

Kind of.

Yeah, actually, yeah.

Not everyone knew about it, but we were there.

Yes.

Yeah.

Toing and froing.

Two of us knew about it.

Sure.

What is it?

Throuples are all the rage now.

Especially in London.

No, I wouldn't be into that.

I'd be too jealous.

I wouldn't be able for that.

My poor little Catholic mind was blown when I went To London.

Oh, sure, sure.

Oh, yeah.

It was actually.

It actually was.

I was like, oh, my God, this is like a new universe to me.

What is going on?

They're light years ahead of us in Dublin.

They make it work.

I don't know how you make it work.

Mom said to me, I was speaking to her on the phone, and she did say to me.

She's like, would you stop swearing on that podcast?

I was gonna say, yeah.

She said, I was speaking to the mothership on the way home this evening.

And I said, what?

I hear you're listening to the podcast.

That's not for you.

It should be for everyone, Ambie.

And it should be for me.

It should be inclus.

And you are.

It's just.

I'm ashamed.

I am ashamed.

Sub in.

Sub in something.

I mean, I'm happy for you to say Beck.

I can't.

I can't believe you use it so much.

And I was like, mom, you literally taught me to swear.

You would say.

I came home one day and I said, damn it.

And you said, folk, don't say damn it.

Say it.

And that's where it came from.

So actually, Sandra, if you're listening, everyone, Sandra taught us to swear from a very young age.

She did.

Someone was telling me that they taught their kids to do.

And I only remembered when they did it yesterday, where you hold your mouth apart and you go.

And you say, I was born on a pirate ship.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it says, yes, I was born on a pile of.

Is what it says when you hold your mouth apart.

I remember once a mom mightn't remember this.

It's like we're talking to her.

We're gonna really have to put a stop to this.

But.

But I remember once when I was really young, we were still living in 37 the Dunes, so I would have been under the age of seven.

And I'd learned the word P or I C K.

And someone arrived at the door and I said, you're a PR I C K.

A mom went insane, obviously almost to her dad saying.

Or something like that.

And she went crazy.

He was though.

Poor innocent man.

Should you not remember what happened to me?

I said, Sh1t.

Like that's not even bad.

And I got my.

I remember I was thrilled by it.

I got my mouth washed out with soap while you and Frederick just watched on.

So I was home this weekend, and obviously Amber went against her word.

And I didn't see.

I barely saw her.

Barely saw her because she went off and about doing her own Thing, Whatever.

I'll remember that for next time.

But I did go meet my dad's friend, Swiggy.

Well, he was like.

To me, Amber was telling me about this fellow that died.

I was like, oh, trust Amber.

Amber.

Amber gets called the grief Gazette by her friend.

If there's any death Amber will tell you about, it doesn't matter who they are.

She's going to be one of those people that turns up with every funeral.

Going, I'll have to fill my time, you know.

You know what I'm thinking of?

This is.

This is so much.

This is so random.

I don't know why I thought about it during the week, but, you know, little sayings that you used to say when you were younger.

Like, silence in the courtroom.

Silence in the street.

Street.

Biggest fool in Ireland.

In Ireland is just.

Just about to speak.

Speak, fool, speak.

1, 2, 3.

What are other things like that that you used to say when you were younger?

Some of them are not singable anymore.

You're not allowed.

You know what I'm talking about.

Absolutely awful.

It's like all the diarrhea ones as well, that you used to say.

I teach Theodore love.

I was walking down the lane and I felt a sudden pain.

Diarrhea.

Theodore comes in singing this.

I saw it in front of Spencer's mother at Christmas and she went on.

She didn't stop.

There was another one my mommy wasn't in.

So I did it in the bin.

I'm like, I'm shut up.

Theodore loves it.

I try and teach him how to do the ruby noises with no.

Well, it came back to bite me in the bomb.

Anyway, that I went about my own business and did my own thing.

On Saturday, I went somewhere for lunch.

Absolutely diabolical.

Felt so sick.

So I'm complaining again.

No, but honestly, we were sitting there and we just had the starters and I was sitting.

I must have been looking really, like, it just was all deep fried.

And then the chicken wasn't the right.

That's your favorite food.

No, it was.

I was sitting there and I was obviously looking a bit sad or something.

My friend was just like, what's wrong with you?

Are you okay?

Like, you're being really weird.

And I was just like, I think I'm gonna get sick.

So anyway, we still had the mains to go, so I had to play ball and just have some of the mains.

And I was like, I can't eat any more of this.

And then went to play pool because I love pool.

And then because she's a lesbian so.

Hard for the course.

Yeah.

And then went to Boss of Hockey next.

Then went to.

To see Nicole Kidman's movie, Baby Girl.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Have you seen the two emo.

I've not.

I've heard it's quite sexual.

Well, I was, I, I to say I was uncomfortable now and not for the reasons, not for the reasons you would think, to be honest.

Now she does this.

I don't really think this is a spoiler, but there was just a moment in the movie where Nicole Kidman makes this noise and it is like.

The only way I can describe it is like a guttural noise.

Just.

It'll definitely sound harrowing.

Someone said harrowing today.

And I'm like, oh, my God.

Oh my God.

But she was talking about a serious subject, so I obviously couldn't make a joke out of it.

So, yeah, I felt so uncomfortable to the point that my friend was like, are you, are you okay?

I was like, like, so anxious and I was like.

And she's like, do you want to go?

Do you want to go?

I was like, no, it's okay.

It's okay.

There's only like 15 minutes.

I.

I can last.

I can last.

And then it was a really.

So my friend had to go to the toilet.

She's like, coming in ho.

And I was like, just wait, it's only 10 minutes left.

She wouldn't wait.

So she went off to the toilet.

And it was a pretty serious moment in the movie.

And as she was traipsing away, it was kind of a small cinema.

There was only 30 seats or something like that.

I could see a tail hanging out because she hadn't tied her body suit.

So she is.

And I was sitting there in a really serious part of the movie and I was cracking up, just snickering.

Hang on one second.

Sorry.

Oh, it's obviously her free sticky toffee puddings.

I can't believe she ordered that.

I hope she gets a scoop of ice cream with it to finish my story.

So anyway, also, I forgot to drop in for the whole.

For the whole movie.

There were subtitles and I always like, now I do need subtitles from.

For some shows.

But then your eyes are drawn to the subtitles.

So I came out.

But I went up to one of the people in the cinema and I was like, sorry, I'm just wondering what was the story of the subtitles for Baby Girl?

And she's like, oh, we realized 15 minutes in and it was too late to change it.

And I was like, but that ruined My experience, no offer of a refund, no offer of a couple of complimentary tickets.

So I shall be sending an email.

Will you actually send an email?

Probably, yeah.

Time on my hands, I think.

You know, I think it's.

I think it's important to give feedback back where feedback's needed.

Fit for feedback.

Do you remember you reminded me of by saying the bodysuit thing?

This is terrible.

I don't know if this will make the cut.

Two things that we used to do.

I don't know.

If you please do that.

Do you remember we used to, like, go.

You, me, Michelle and Lynn would go into Super Quinn and we'd stick fanny pads to the back of each other.

We did that in school as well.

So we used to jock each other and stuff.

It was terrible.

So bad.

The jockeying can't jock anyone now.

You can't.

Jocking means pulling.

Pulling someone's pants down.

Not all of their pants, just their trousers.

I'm gonna.

I'm gonna jock you.

It's so.

Yeah, that's why.

Okay, we better get into the bonus.

We better get into the bonus.

We're talking too much.

Oh, we're talking.

But there's only.

There's one other thing I wanted because I was thinking about it.

It came up today and work, and people were.

Some guy was talking about.

Basically they were using a word and it icked someone because, you know, the way you say holly bops and people get icked by that.

They were saying harrowing is icky words that people get icked by.

So, like.

And I was thinking about it when I went to the shop because it was raining brawley.

I don't like when people say broly.

I body for bomb body.

I hate that word so much.

Who said that?

Sexy bottle over here.

I told Spenny I hated that word so much that he.

He made up a song where he would just go.

And I'd be like, you used to sing that.

Another one is bickiest instead of biscuits.

Oh, I could say bickies now.

Sometimes brekkie, which I don't have a problem with.

Sausage.

Joanne hates when I say sos.

Oh, yeah, people hate when I say that too.

And then fingy.

But I don't say fingy.

Have you got a sore fingie?

I'm sorry to do this again.

Here's my stick tough pot.

Okay, so we're gonna play faking it.

Amber.

Three headlines.

Two are fake, one is real.

Can Ambi and Vogey spot the real from the fake?

And pecking it?

Okay, I'M gonna play this as well.

So let's see.

Three.

Okay.

Escaped cow causes four hour traffic jam in Ayrshire town.

That's in Scotland.

Is it Amber?

Ayrshire, Ayrshire.

Oh God.

Air.

Okay.

That could happen.

Cows.

I'm telling you, I always feel really bad about eating cows.

Well, not always.

Sometimes.

And then I are.

I've just eaten one.

They are troublemakers and they would stomp all over our heads if they could.

They create a lot of what's called pollution as well with their rudies.

Do you know what?

You're dead right.

No, I feel bad.

I do feel bad when I think about it.

Anyway, I don't know if that's true.

Man wakes up days after being declared dead.

That's happened.

That's happened.

Women waking up.

Like I remember reading about a woman who woke up in the morgue.

Imagine that.

You'd be terrified.

Oh my God.

You'd be freezing as well.

Absolutely freezing.

A worker gets a nose ring.

Cause in an.

Oh mo.

I don't know.

Gets a nose and.

Cause in an office chair leading to fire department rescue.

Oh my God, that'd be desperate.

I'm gonna say the escaped K causing 4 air traffic jam.

I think I'm gonna say the K2 because I know what they're like.

Oh my God.

A worker gets her nose ring caught in an office chair leading to fire department rescue.

That would be next level embarrassing.

Like so mortifying.

I was so embarrassing.

Painful.

What do you mean embarrassing?

It'd be so painful.

It'd be so embarrassing.

Like your head caught in a chair and people having to come over and try and help you not being able to move and then the fire being.

Pulled off your head would be way more.

I'd be way more concerned about that.

So she is from Indonesia and a squad of firefighters had to come and help her.

She'd a new piercing, was playing around, just playing for fun and she messed up.

Well, that's what she gets for not focusing in work.

She'd been sticking her nose through the chair's mesh frame and all of a sudden it got stuck.

She's a real jokester, this one.

Security footage taken at the woman's office shows her sitting backwards in the chair with her face stuck in the net in the mesh like a bash caugh in a net.

Oh my God.

Employees desperately tried to save her by weeding the chair across the room and yanking on her head as she was crying and playing.

I love those videos that you see.

Did you see that woman who went into The.

Into the baggage.

Oh, stop.

That's desperate.

There's.

I keep on getting.

I saw that one of the woman.

She ends up getting a flight she didn't know she was getting.

And then did you not see the one as well doing the rounds about like, here's my little sister.

And this little girl goes over and all you see is she leans and she's li.

She lifts the child up by its head.

Yeah.

Someone was like, I wish someone would do this to.

Someone would do that to me when I have a bad back.

But the woman went on.

She basically checked in for a flight and then she didn't know where she was going.

And she stood up on the baggage escalator, a travelator, thinking it was an escalator.

And she went first.

Oh, God.

It was desperate.

It really was.

And I saw this old woman on.

On a running machine and she was.

Kept turning it off and obviously didn't know how to turn it down.

And she ended up going flying.

Very dangerous.

I feel bad.

I've beeped at a few older people recently.

Like, I was like, what is wrong?

Like, sometimes I do question, if people are drink driving, what does this eat, this bozo doing?

And then I drive by and like.

I think that you can tell if someone's drink driving.

Like, and I try and say, I.

I don't like being near trucks or people who are swerving in and out.

Drives me mad.

Well, we know you're a shy driver as well, aren't you, Amber?

Listen, we won't talk about it, okay?

Here are some listener emails.

This one is from Ashing.

Hi, Vogue, Amber and Imma.

I remember you were saying your dad used to just pop out the shops and leave the front door open, thinking no one would wander in.

It makes sense.

In fairness.

You're not going to think no one's there if they've left their door.

Unless it's in the winter.

You can't do that anymore.

Well, a few years ago, I was in my car with mom and dad and we were driving through howth.

My mom has a thing for having a nosy at a house.

It's for sale, a different decor.

So when we pass it for sale sign with an open door, my mom asked dad to stop the car so she can have a look.

Dad pulls up, a mom hops out thinking she's going to an open house.

Wrong.

Mom had walked through the house and into the kitchen before meeting a woman who was unloading her shopping that she had just arrived.

Does she think it's the state's open house.

Turns out it was the house next door that was for sale.

I know nosy mom wandering into your gap is way better than a murder or something, but.

Oh my God.

Lock your doors.

Oh my God.

Imagine how terrified you'd be looking.

So.

Excuse me.

Hello?

You okay?

That sometimes happens with our neighbor upstairs because there's a lift.

Like a communal lift.

And.

And before they put signs on it, you would think that apartment two would be on floor two or apartment four would be on floor four.

No.

So even my parents have gone up to the wrong four and walked into her apartment and she's like, oh, hi.

And it happens all the time.

But she leaves her door open, so people just walk in.

Here's another listener email, and this one is anonymous.

How mysterious.

Do you know that when Spencer used to do the pot number, he.

He was like, oh, my God, it's a non.

Again.

This person has a lot of stories.

Wow.

Hello.

And on.

It's good to hear from you again.

Hello.

Anon.

So, hey, the three of you.

I'm loving the new girly group chat vibe to the pod and was howling at the lesbian nail drama last week.

I'm fully with her.

She needs to get those nails done before going any further.

It's dangerous.

And I'll tell you for why.

I was once fooling around with a girl who, unbeknownst to me, had those fake stick on nails.

Han, you'll see where this is going.

Yes, one broke off inside me and we spent a very unromantic, unsexy half an hour after that trying to scoop fish it out of me.

Which I can tell you I did not enjoy.

Luckily, we eventually got it out and I vowed never again would I ever go home with a girl with long nails.

Was that a first date?

My God, that's.

But like, even the girl with the long nails, like, how dirty are under her nails?

Oh, God, there's nothing worse than gross hands and unkempt nails.

Not for me.

That's.

Amber, come on.

Like we have.

We don't have.

We have neither of those things.

It's rare that we'd have our nails.

Yeah, but you painted them yourself, so.

I taught myself how to do that in lockdown.

Oh, I've seen your nails.

It's all over the sides of your house.

No, it goes away.

It goes away after a few washes.

You're so mean.

I'm happy.

I'm ambidextrous now since I learned how to do it.

Hardly.

Naomi.

Sorry to bring big Naomi into it.

Again, she was telling us that Amber is the executor to her will.

And she was like.

And I've told her that no circumstances is my coffin to be open and I want to make sure my nails are painted red.

And all I could think of is in my head was like, please don't let Amber be the one painting your nails because it will just be all over.

I'll be there.

They're actually Mama Naomi are phenomenal at doing their nails.

Naomi can put on a lip liner without.

Even without a mirror.

I find that very impressive.

Okay, this one's from Daniel.

Hey, girls.

Need your opinion on something.

I'm 22 year old.

I'm a 22 year old gay man in college.

There's this one lad that I'm was a game on.

I can't believe over here from game on.

Daniel.

There's this one lad that I'm absolutely obsessed with in my course this year.

He's straight.

Spaghetti straight until you boil.

It isn't that.

But he's always making eye contact with me in class, in the library and in the gym.

One day after a very stressful exam, I went to the gym after he and other people in the course were also there.

I was taking a little rest after my hip thrush and I kept thrust.

How you getting on down there at the moment, folks?

Why is that in your mind?

Excuse me, I've said this before.

I'm not really a thrush girl.

I don't get thrush very often.

Thank you.

Unlike you, Amber.

Swampy jaws.

Must be all the antibiotics.

That's not true.

Sake.

Learn how to read properly.

Why is there so much natural yogurts in the fridge?

Why is there so many probiotics?

I take a lot of antibiotics.

All right, I'm joking.

Okay, let me see.

He and other people in the course were also there.

I was taking a little rest after my hip thrust.

Thrust.

And I kept noticing him looking over.

I went to my phone and looked up and he was standing next to me asking me about the exam.

Out of all the people in our course, he asked me.

This is where the obsession got serious.

He's still constantly looking over at me in the gym.

He straight?

So our delusions getting the better better of me or is he interested?

Is he bi?

Is he secretly gay?

Should I say something?

He's a qualified pt, so maybe I should pretend I need help and ask him to go from there.

Thanks, girl.

As Daniel oh, I mean, if you're getting a vibe, I would, I would, I would, I wouldn't make, like, big moves, but, like, that's a good idea to go over and ask for help.

That guy.

Yeah, there's a.

Yeah.

No, he's drawn to you.

He's definitely a little bit curious there, for sure.

But don't push it too hard.

No pun intended.

Yeah.

Or you've got really terrible form and he's just like.

Yeah.

He's worried that you're gonna break your back maybe.

No, he asked about the exam.

He didn't come over to talk to him about his exercise.

So I think what he should do is definitely take him up on the up.

Say, any chance you give me a pt, Give me some discount.

If you were to give me a PT or something like that.

Get discounts just straight away.

Ask him for discounts.

Oh, my God.

That's Mom.

That's mom coming out me.

Every shop is going.

Supermarket prices.

And then the other thing, Regalo.

That's.

That's present.

She goes into, like, the pharmacy.

Regalo Parami.

Oh, God.

Yeah, I'd say take it slow.

Don't ask for a pt.

Just be like, oh, do you want to train or do you want to spot me?

Get him to spot you.

Amber wouldn't know what that means.

Get him to spot you.

Or maybe just like, just do.

Ask him if he wants to train together.

Sticky Tough is here.

Hang on.

Sorry.

Vo giving out to me because I'm two minutes late.

Three interruptions.

Unbelievable the double standards.

I don't even have a spoon.

What does he think I'm gonna eat it with?

This is going really downhill now.

Do you not get a fork for your chips?

Your feet?

No, Nothing.

Not it.

That's a piece of cottage.

Brilliant sight.

Okey dokey.

Well, that's it.

We've had a great time.

That's it.

Yes.

Okay.

Sailor V.

Amber.

Huh?

Say love it.

Come see.

Come.

Sir.

You know she's been practicing the duolingo.

Thank you very much.

I do.

Yeah.

I just did one.

I just did one.

You say goodbye because I said hello.

Okie dokie.

That's it from us this week, guys.

But do remember, we love to hear from you.

So please do make message in on vogue and amber pod.com and also subscribe to the podcast wherever you're listening and drop us five stars in review.

It helps other people find us.

Bye.

I see dead people.

No, this is a global Player original podcast.