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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: If the words you chose could transform your relationships and your life. This week we're diving deep into the language of love, exploring how honest, loving communication can bridge the biggest divides. If you've ever struggled to speak your truth with compassion, or wondered why some conversations go sideways. This episode will show you how to bring more heart and healing to every connection.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Hi, and welcome to the uworld. Orders showcase podcast where we feature life, health and transformational coaches stepping up to be the change they seek in the world. I'm your host, Jill Hart, the coaches alchemist on a mission to help coaches and entrepreneurs amplify their voice, monetize their mission and get visible leveraging podcasts and substack.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Today we are speaking with brandy, berg brandi is a writer. Relationship communication coach obsessed with love relationships and art in any form. She is also the creator of a method called bridge language, and we will dive

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: deep into this in just a minute, but 1st welcome to the show brandy. It's great to have you with us.

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Brandi Berg: Thank you, Jill. Thanks for having me on. I appreciate it so much.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: So I'm gonna ask you the big question. And then we're gonna dive right into bridge language. Okay.

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Brandi Berg: Got it.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Okay, so what's the most significant thing in your opinion, as individuals, we can do to make an impact on how the world is going.

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Brandi Berg: I would say, and this has a lot to do with my bridge language method. But I would say.

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Brandi Berg: owning your emotions, taking responsibility for those

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Brandi Berg: emotions. So we aren't projecting them onto others, making decisions from those places.

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Brandi Berg: And then just really, what that can do is cause chaos causes conflict.

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Brandi Berg: If you aren't aware of them, if you aren't owning them, if you don't know what's happening

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Brandi Berg: with your emotions. So I find if all of us were just a little more aware of our emotions and took responsibility for them.

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Brandi Berg: I really think that would save us a lot of conflict, and we would have a lot more harmony and peace in the world.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I like that a lot. I've never really thought about owning our emotions, because, you know, it's really easy to just like emote on other people and want them to to come into your emotional circle and

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: and and play in that cesspool with you

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: which you know it's like everything is designed to play on our emotions and to get us feeling certain ways, which is emotions really just drive chemicals into your body, and they do wreak havoc on you. But most people aren't even aware of the way they're being manipulated, and if we would just stop manipulating each other.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: think that would help a whole lot.

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Brandi Berg: Yes, and it's so. It is really easy to get caught up in

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Brandi Berg: somebody else's emotions, too, especially if they're very intense.

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Brandi Berg: You know. Some some of us are maybe can tolerate emotions a little bit better better than others.

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Brandi Berg: The reason I know so much about emotions and how to deal with them is because I was not very good at them.

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Brandi Berg: That's what created a lot of.

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Brandi Berg: I heard a lot of people in that process.

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Brandi Berg: I have made some really bad decisions, not being aware of emotions.

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Brandi Berg: And and I think you know, the thing that I find is what is the hardest thing to do, especially in our romantic relationships, but

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Brandi Berg: can be in any relationship.

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Brandi Berg: is the ability to hold your own emotions and the other persons at the same time, especially when you are activated

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Brandi Berg: by them, something that they've said so how can I hold their emotions at the same time, and what they're going through, even though I'm feeling really intense sensations in my body, I either want to run away, or I really want to confront or say something hurtful.

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Brandi Berg: That is the hardest thing to do. I still have to work on that, you know. I still find myself knowing all that I know and the skills that I've developed. I still have to work really hard at that every single day, you know, that's the biggest key

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Brandi Berg: that's the biggest key is holding Drone and the others.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Trying to step in and help people

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: trying to placate their emotions rather than holding space for them, to have their emotions, to have whatever feelings they need to feel at the moment. And it's it's okay. We don't have to solve everybody's problems.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I, personally, was really bad at not wanting other people to experience negative emotions, especially around me, because I just wanted to smooth everything over. I wanted everything to be nice and lovely, and I took it as a personal front if somebody was upset in my my sphere. But it's not very nice of me.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: you know. I thought I was being nice, but really I wasn't because I was robbing them of the opportunity to feel the emotion that they needed to feel in the moment

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: hard lesson to learn.

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Brandi Berg: Yes. Do you know Terry Cole's work.

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Brandi Berg: I have her book. I just can't. Oh, I think it's called too much.

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Brandi Berg: I'm pretty sure that's it. Her and it's about

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Brandi Berg: a term that she coined high functioning codependency where you put.

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Brandi Berg: I can't remember how exactly she worded it, but you are so invested in the emotional states, and the well-being, and the needs and everything of others

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Brandi Berg: that that's what is driving that

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Brandi Berg: you know, that's driving that. Oh, my gosh! You feel this way. Let me fix it.

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Brandi Berg: Let me fix it, because emotions are really uncomfortable for me, so I can't have that. Your emotions are making me really comfortable. So I need to.

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Brandi Berg: I need to fix this right now. I have to stop it.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Empaths have that problem because we feel what other people are feeling. And it's really uncomfortable. And it's really hard to say.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: that's your emotion. That's not my emotion.

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Brandi Berg: Yes.

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Brandi Berg: yes, that's the biggest work work of an empath is what's mine and what's yours? And maybe not, you know, and sometimes it might be. I am willing to take on what is yours a little bit.

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Brandi Berg: but you get to decide what that is and how much of it that's going to be.

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Brandi Berg: Yeah.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And it isn't just because you're feeling what the other person feels doesn't mean. You have to like

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: move into their life.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And I think, as an empath. There's the temptation is like, Oh, I could fix that.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: But it's not my life.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I have my own things I have to work on.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, but I can just let you experience that and and be there for you and say, you know, oh, I bet that sucks.

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Brandi Berg: Yeah, and leave it at that.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Just, you know, acknowledge that they're having the emotion.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: but you don't have to. Don't have to join a minute. You don't have to anything.

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Brandi Berg: No, yeah, you're right sorry. I didn't mean to cut you off.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Oh, you're good!

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Brandi Berg: I, when you were saying that I just thought of how for people it's

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Brandi Berg: really at the end of the day all all of us are just wanting to be seen and heard.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: That's all. It really is. So when you say.

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Brandi Berg: When can I just say, Oh, that must really suck, that's it. Sometimes that's just all that's needed, and we go so quick into fix it mode

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Brandi Berg: with emotions or things like, maybe we just let ourselves just have the feelings.

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Brandi Berg: and you'd be surprised at how quickly just that little simple thing, and you can move past it.

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Brandi Berg: And a lot of the people that my method is for is, I wouldn't

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Brandi Berg: necessarily call them empaths, but maybe they fall into this, but it is

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Brandi Berg: the person who stays quiet in their relationships

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Brandi Berg: because they are so overly invested in the emotional state of the other person. You know, they truly they inherently believe that their needs, their wants, all that that doesn't matter.

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Brandi Berg: or that the other people must come first, st

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Brandi Berg: you know, before me. So I'm gonna stay quiet. Because if I speak up, all that ever happens is

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Brandi Berg: conflict is created

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Brandi Berg: because maybe your past experience has, like in in my experience in the past when I done it. But there's there's a right way to do it. If you just go and do it without having

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Brandi Berg: dealt with your emotions.

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Brandi Berg: You're gonna say things that are not meant to be said to the other person.

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Brandi Berg: So.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I think

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: maybe you even experience where you're talking to somebody, or you know that if you say certain things, or if you express certain emotions of your own in front of certain people that they're going to have a reaction. And it's going to be bad, and they're going to drag you into a confrontation.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And you don't want to experience those emotions yourself, and you don't want to experience that other person's immature emotions that they're trying to push onto you. And sometimes you're going to get around people that

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: they don't recognize their own emotions. They don't know how to control their emotions

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: because they don't recognize that they are emoting.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: they they explode on people and the people that are close to them. I know I'm talking about a relationship between a husband and a wife or partners, or something where you've got one person that's really volatile, and the other person

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: clams up because they know that if if they try to express their emotions, they're going to have a really bad reaction from that other person or a reaction. It doesn't even have to be really bad. But it's just.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It's just too much effort to

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: express the emotions that they're feeling because of the emotions that they know are coming from the other person.

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Brandi Berg: Yes, that's yes, yes, and that that's part of my work is that I want

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Brandi Berg: a huge part of it has to do with emotions. Yes, it is language bridge language doesn't really give it all of what is entailed of my method, that I teach. The biggest part of it is the emotions and the awareness around it. What to do with those emotions I don't believe are meant to be fixed or understood.

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Brandi Berg: It is a state within our body. You know the sensations within our body, so there is no controlling them. There is no if you try to make meaning. Nothing means anything outside of the meaning you place on it right.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Right.

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Brandi Berg: You know I, my business coach, who is also teaches human design. I don't know if you how much you know about human design. But

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Brandi Berg: she had said that, and that's that's 1 of the many things while being in that year long program that stuck with me

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Brandi Berg: because it's true.

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Brandi Berg: you know, emotions are are the thing that come first.st You know, there's emotions. There's a sequence that in all the the books I've read, all the studying I have done like neuroscience, the brain, the mind, the body. How all those play together is! It's emotions, thoughts and stories, feelings. And then the behavior comes the choice.

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Brandi Berg: And you know, just the motions are the 1st step in that. So if you are trying to make meaning out of them, or figuring out where they're coming from.

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Brandi Berg: Then you're in your mind, and emotions are not a mind thing.

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Brandi Berg: They are just there. They're simply, it's simply a state of being.

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Brandi Berg: Yeah.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Chemical reaction. It actually causes

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: chemicals to form and be released into your body, and they cause your body to do different things like, if you're anxious, you'll probably, you know, breathe quicker, or you might sweat, or you might have heart palpitations.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Those are chemical reactions from a thought or or a response to something, because emotions are generally a response to something that you're experiencing, whether it's a thought or something that's happening in your environment or

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: yeah, mostly those things or or other people being in proximity to other people, can cause anxiety or can cause an emotional reaction. Love. Love is an emotion, you know, if you're like really close to somebody, that you're very attracted to. Chemical things happen in your body.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Let you know, hey? That guy is near.

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Brandi Berg: Yeah, I'm.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: You know, emotions are not bad or good, they just simply exist, and they create reactions in our bodies. It's what we do with those reactions, and how long we stay in that state. And it really, they can pass quickly. I think it's like 7 seconds or something. You can move out of an emotional state.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: But

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: you can choose to stay in it, too, by continuing to stay in proximity to that person, or allow that thought to fester, and then

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: then those chemicals keep getting dropped, and then the problem gets worse, and then it's just like.

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Brandi Berg: Goes on.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And on.

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Brandi Berg: Yes, and you know what I what I know about emotions. Part of what I learned about in human design was a lot of.

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Brandi Berg: And my solar plexus is where I have a lot of things happening. So I've had a lot that I I learned about

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Brandi Berg: working with human design. And and I've learned in many other ways, too. But the the human design just sticks out to me because

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Brandi Berg: some of us part half of it, basically, half of us

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Brandi Berg: are defined, and half of us are undefined. So half of us are receiving emotions from other people. The other half of us are putting it out there.

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Brandi Berg: In any case, we all need to take responsibility. We all need to have awareness.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: So what I understand of emotions is that they're the 1st thing, and you're gonna notice it in your body.

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Brandi Berg: Well, then, that's where the thought comes in. So this thought or this story, let's say you have fear. And a thought of mine was, Oh, my gosh! I am never going to find love or safety or attention

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Brandi Berg: like from this person again! That was the thought and the story running in my head, and that led to the feeling of

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Brandi Berg: I don't have any power. I am lacking power. This other person has the power over me that drove the behavior of continuing to be near that person. So that's how I have defined like emotions being, it's truly

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Brandi Berg: it can be from an experience. But oftentimes it's just like it's there you could wake up in the morning, and you're just

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Brandi Berg: kind of feeling blah. Don't try to do anything with. I'm not saying to stay in that state, but sometimes you're just going to be in it. And for women depending on your cycle, those hormones which are chemicals. Their hormones are chemical messengers.

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Brandi Berg: They're going to influence your emotional state.

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Brandi Berg: Don't try to, you know. Just don't try to fix it. This doesn't mean.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: You're not broken.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: A woman.

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Brandi Berg: You're right. You're not broken right? And and don't try to

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Brandi Berg: figure it out and try to do something with it. I mean, that's the most important part is that emotions are not in the logical part of they're not meant to do that. They're just meant to inform us. They inform our thoughts, and are the stories we create?

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Brandi Berg: You know. And then those thoughts and stories like our behaviors.

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Brandi Berg: And that's where we can find out what we're needing and wanting. So like, that's part of my framework. Within the bridge. Language is love is the acronym. So L is lean into emotions. O is organizing your needs, your wants and boundaries.

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Brandi Berg: V. Is for voice.

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Brandi Berg: This is getting confidence in your voice, standing strong and in your voice, and what you have to say when you go to have the conversation, and E is for exquisite expression. So how are we going to express with intent

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Brandi Berg: and firm ground, like we just have a firm grasp, and we're not getting

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Brandi Berg: caught up in the other person person's emotions. From what you're saying to them, those aren't yours.

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Brandi Berg: Just be prepared that sometimes, when you have these conversations, that's gonna stir up things for the other person that's not yours. So

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Brandi Berg: the 1st step is always going to be the emotions you know, which lead us to. Then from those thoughts and stories that's where you can kind of dig out and find where those needs and wants are. Or maybe you need to hold the boundary. Maybe that's the thing.

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Brandi Berg: you know. And with our voice it's it's a lot of rehearsing just like when you were going over your words before. If you write down your points that you want to make.

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Brandi Berg: you're going to read it out loud to yourself.

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Brandi Berg: cause then you might find, oh, that wasn't very helpful. Maybe that part needs to go out, and that's not gonna that's not gonna do much of the conversation. I'm also not about only keeping it to

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Brandi Berg: like I statements. I do believe there is an element of being authentic to saying yes, when you did that, that's how that made me feel. I think there might be people that disagree with me on that.

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Brandi Berg: that you should keep it to just yourself, and how you feel, and not point out anything about the other person. But I find that to be just, not authentic.

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Brandi Berg: I don't.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Solve the problem, either.

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Brandi Berg: Right? Right? And you're only gonna do that once you've sat with your own emotions, you're only gonna do that once you've sat with your own emotions. You're not gonna jump straight to that and say, well, you made me do that. That's not the point. The whole point is, that's why we do that 1st step, you know, and then, when we express.

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Brandi Berg: you know, with intention, why are you wanting to have this conversation? What do you hope to get out of it.

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Brandi Berg: or what are you prepared for? If things don't go? You know the way you hoped

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Brandi Berg: they would go in being able to to have that conversation, and you're gonna stick. You're gonna stick to your script. I I go by that fully because once we get off track, and if they start interrupting.

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Brandi Berg: You know, whoever it is that you're having the conversation with. Well, then, that can turn into. Then you're getting sucked into their emotions, and then you're getting off track.

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Brandi Berg: So stick to your script. Do that scripting part when you're organizing your needs, your wants, and your boundaries.

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Brandi Berg: you know, so you can have that strong voice

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Brandi Berg: because you you deserve your needs and your wants deserve to be heard just as much as the other person's. And this isn't something that you fix

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Brandi Berg: overnight, you know the but my method can be

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Brandi Berg: something that you practice day in and day out.

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Brandi Berg: Yeah.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I have a piece that I would add to that.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And this is just over years of experience with

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: having a long term relationship with my husband. But the

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: there's a difference between going into a discussion with somebody to solve a problem as a victim

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: like you always or you never

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: phrases. When you go into the into a discussion with somebody, and you start using that kind of terminology, you are going to generate an argument because you're putting that person in the defensive position, and they have nowhere to go. There's no middle ground. They're they're the bad guy, and you're the victim. If you go into a conversation, and you put out there, hey? I feel like

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: when we get into these situations.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I'm being made the victim.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: and my husband and I joke about this now, because we've we've had discussions about it because we don't like. I don't like attacking him, and that's what happens often when we just get like so done with. Whatever the situation is, it just is an attack, and the other person is going to

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: feel the need to defend themselves

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: where they. You're not going to solve the problem, but if you can approach it in a way where you can let them know. Hey, this is a situation.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: and I would like to express how I feel in this situation, and I would like you to tell me how you feel in this situation.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: and then you can, you can find find a solution rather than just aggravate. The problem is that.

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Brandi Berg: Yes.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: To you.

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Brandi Berg: Yes, it does, and it and and just like you said, it's more about this.

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Brandi Berg: This is this is for us to solve together. This isn't about like you did something wrong, or I did something wrong or

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Brandi Berg: nothing like that. It's okay. Yes, you did this. And then that's how it made me feel well, how are we going to move forward together

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Brandi Berg: to to make it

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Brandi Berg: a more peaceful situation, or what you know, whatever it is that you're that you're talking about.

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Brandi Berg: And again, it's always gonna come back to. This is why the emotional piece

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Brandi Berg: is so crucial. Because if we are practicing emotional awareness daily.

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Brandi Berg: You'll find yourself in those situations less and less where you're playing the victim mode, or where the ego takes over, you know, like I had listened to a podcast with Byron, Katie on it.

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Brandi Berg: And she said this, still, it just sticks with me. But the ego is a childhood's playground.

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Brandi Berg: you know. So our egos are always gonna try to find a way

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Brandi Berg: to be right, to be heard, to be set on. No, they said that on purpose to hurt me, or there. They did this this way because they were. Whatever the story is that there, there it is the story again, so the ego can can get in the way of our thoughts and come up with these stories that you know again with Byron, Katie, what I learned somebody had turned me on to her work, a friend of mine. And

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Brandi Berg: it was this worksheet on basically the main concept was, Is this true.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, the story that you're telling yourself true. Do you know it to be a fact?

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Brandi Berg: And if you have some people who swear that yes.

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Brandi Berg: then they're just probably then you have to accept where they're at, and they're not their self awareness level is just not

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Brandi Berg: where yours is, and that's a difficult place to be.

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Brandi Berg: You know, when you're having those conversations depending on

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Brandi Berg: whether it's within your family or friends, and

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Brandi Berg: and then you have to make those decisions for yourself. If if you just accept where they are, and if they continue to hurt you. If if that's something where you're, gonna you're just gonna walk away and cut ties, or if you're willing to wait it out, and then they might say, I'm not there yet, but I'm willing to to work on it

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Brandi Berg: together. So yes.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, i i i hesitate on on cutting ties with people. There's there's a time when you might

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: not interact as much.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: But everybody changes. Nobody is always the same forever.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: People go through phases in their lives, and you know they might.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: They might annoy you right now, or they might be going through a phase where they're just like they don't get you. And you know that's good. It's fine.

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Brandi Berg: But.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Just because

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: you're not communicating at this time in a way that's beneficial for everyone. It doesn't mean that there will never be a time. And I, I, speaking mostly to

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: parent children relationships, because it's easy to get mad at your parents and and just cut them off.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It's very painful.

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Brandi Berg: Yeah, there's people who regret it who really regret it.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah.

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Brandi Berg: And you should be very considerate. I'm speaking from a place of. I have had to cut

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Brandi Berg: people out. Not very many. I it's it's not. But it was to a point where it was a person who was benefiting from my.

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Brandi Berg: from my old ways, and it it had just

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Brandi Berg: where it gets to the point where they're not giving you anything back. And that's that went on for decades. You know.

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Brandi Berg: that was yeah.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I'm not talking about people that are just like they come into your life for a season, and there's lots of people like that in the world. You know they could be your really great friend for a long time, and then

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: things change because people change, and it may be you who changed not even them.

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Brandi Berg: Yeah.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: They're still the person that they've always been. And they're perfectly lovely people. They just don't. They're not.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: They're not still on the same path you're on. You've chosen to go

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: off a different way, or they've chosen to go off a different way. It doesn't make them bad. It doesn't make them anything, and it doesn't make you anything. It's just that your life is going in a direction that it's not compatible with theirs anymore.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And it's fine.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I'm talking when I talk about, be careful about cutting people off. I I mean more like

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: your parents or your kids.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: That there's there's a different kind of bond there that

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I I really truly believe we all ask for the lives that we get.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: But there's some painful things that go through there, and some patterns that

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: we'll repeat if we don't, aren't real careful end up causing harm to future generations

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: because of the decisions we make.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Usually in anger.

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Brandi Berg: Yes, yes, and anger is, you know, often disguised as

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Brandi Berg: some other form, like sadness, hurt.

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Brandi Berg: It. It can be its own thing. But but often you'll find that there is a lot of hurt under there.

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Brandi Berg: and anger is more acceptable, I think, as a culture for us

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Brandi Berg: to to show, or versus sadness or hurt, and that might not be true for everybody.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And also forgiveness, I think, plays into that because a lot of times we think forgiveness means we're excusing people and forgiveness and excusing people's behavior are 2 wildly different things. But we've been taught that we forgive everybody. You don't forgive people

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: you for for themselves. You excuse behavior that's not appropriate.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: but you forgive them for yourself in order to be able to either have a relationship with them at a future date. If you want to.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: or to allow your body to calm down

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: and decide where the relationship is going to go, rather than just living. In this constant state of emotion.

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Brandi Berg: Yes, and yes, forgiveness isn't isn't letting anybody off the hook.

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Brandi Berg: and I think we can go to that place where

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Brandi Berg: we don't want to forgive, because then that means we make a meaning out of it. Right? We, we think that forgiveness means that we're letting them off the hook.

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Brandi Berg: There's always context for people's behaviors.

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Brandi Berg: But context doesn't equal

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Brandi Berg: excuse excusing them for what they did, whereas you can have that context for what they did or things that they've said in the past, or how they've shown up in the past, and

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Brandi Berg: but then, maybe whole. Then, you know, I'm always about holding things at the same time which can feel conflicting.

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Brandi Berg: That's the trickiest part, you know. Maybe you wanna call that emotional diplomacy

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Brandi Berg: and it's hold, hold that forgiveness. Hold the context at the same time. The only buddy you're hurting is yourself. But you also get to choose like you said, not everybody

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Brandi Berg: depending on who it is, however, you feel deserves to be forgiven.

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Brandi Berg: That's that's a that's an individual choice, and depending on the circumstance.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It's not that everybody doesn't deserve to be forgiven, it's they don't all deserve to be excused. All of their behavior does not necessarily need to be excused. They do need to be forgiven for you

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: so that you can move on. You need to be able to not dwell on it anymore. And that's what forgiveness is is the ability to process the emotions that you're feeling for yourself.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Forgiveness doesn't really have anything to do with other people. It's a personal thing. But we've been so programmed to think that we need to forgive other people that we don't understand that. And it's really it's a powerful tool to help you be able to

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: come to a a situation where you can.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: you can still have a line of communication open with other people rather than just like.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: no, you're a terrible make up all the stories that you have to make up in order to justify, not forgiving or not excusing the behavior where you can just say, No, I just simply do not excuse that behavior. These are my boundaries. I can forgive. I can forgive you for myself.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: so that I don't have to like

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: process this anymore and play it over in my head. I can just let it be

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: as like Katie Byron says, loving, what is this? Is the situation, and I choose to accept it. But this, these are the things that I'm going to do to protect myself, because I don't want to go through this experience again.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Whereas forgiveness often implies that we're just gonna allow the doormat to

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: remain in place, and people are going to wipe their feet on it.

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Brandi Berg: Yeah, yeah, and.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yes.

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Brandi Berg: Yes, and I think

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Brandi Berg: you know forgiveness, I don't think is the only way to let go of something. I don't.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, you wouldn't. You wouldn't have to. I mean, there is ways where you just

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Brandi Berg: I think I think that's a great, the loving, what is, I think sometimes just acceptance, maybe, is enough.

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Brandi Berg: you know, without even taking it a step further and going into forgiving, I think.

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Brandi Berg: accepting what the circumstances are accepting meeting people where they're at.

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Brandi Berg: It's just huge, maybe accepting that they're not at the level that you are, whether one of you is outgrown or whatever it is.

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Brandi Berg: and that's the whole point of partnership. And love is that.

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Brandi Berg: are we? Gonna are we choosing to grow together? Because

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Brandi Berg: that's we're always going to change.

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Brandi Berg: So can we? Are we going? Are we agreeing to do this together, and you would know this. How long have you been married?

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: 30 years.

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Brandi Berg: Wow, yeah. So I think you would agree with that is that, can we?

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Brandi Berg: And we choose to grow together. And one of us is in different places or in a difficult place.

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Brandi Berg: Or we kind of have these lulls. But can we just accept each other for for where we're at.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And not mean anything. Just kind of sit with each other through those things, I think, is huge, too. So I love that

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: really huge.

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Brandi Berg: Yeah.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: So how do you work with people, Randy? Do you work one on one in groups? How does your coaching work.

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Brandi Berg: I do. I do one on ones I have like I have a mini offering.

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Brandi Berg: where, if you're not really looking to dive fully deep into my method. But you're just wanting help

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Brandi Berg: in laying out some words to have a conversation. That's my mini one to one offering. I'll do that for you where we won't necessarily go through my whole framework, my love framework. But I will help you craft

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Brandi Berg: message to have that conversation a difficult conversation, or then there's my workshop, which I offer quarterly. I just did one last week.

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Brandi Berg: so I'll be doing one again in October, and in that workshop.

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Brandi Berg: That's where we go over the whole framework, and you get a workbook to go with it.

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Brandi Berg: That's gonna be used basically as your

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Brandi Berg: like, your language Bible, like your emotional Bible is what I call it, and that workshop is roughly an hour long, with 30 min left afterwards for QA.

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Brandi Berg: And then I have my big one to one offering, which is where you meet with me, one on one where we go over the framework and the bridge language method.

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Brandi Berg: and over a particular situation or or not, or you just want to come to me

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Brandi Berg: and we work through that. I hope you craft a message, and then you have Boxer access to me for 2 weeks after that, and then I give you a like a nice little booklet of you, with everything that we talked about and have how to have conversations. Maybe some things that I noticed about what you said and and takeaways from that, and how to move forward

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Brandi Berg: in your relationships.

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Brandi Berg: So those are the. Those are my offerings.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And how can people find them.

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Brandi Berg: They can go to writingforlove.org under my products and services section is where I have all of those listed, and then I do have a special section for my workshop. Where explains a little bit more in detail about the workshop, and then I will have the upcoming date for it, or how to sign up when it gets a little bit closer. I offer. I open up that about a month before to sign up for the workshop.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Awesome. So you're also on substack. So tell us a little bit about that, and what people get for joining you over there.

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Brandi Berg: So, sub stack. I've been on there for close to one year now, and I had started it, not with any intention, really. I was just seeing where it would take me.

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Brandi Berg: You know, I was really drawn to writing, and my business coach said, just see where it takes you, if that's what your gut is kind of just follow those breadcrumbs. And who knows? You just got to follow what's right and keep going in that direction. And as I was writing I realized it was relationships and love were was what I wrote about a lot.

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Brandi Berg: And really through that writing is how

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Brandi Berg: I discovered a lot about myself.

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Brandi Berg: But also what I'm here to do.

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Brandi Berg: and the feedback that I get on my writing is that how people feel

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Brandi Berg: so much or they didn't see love in that way. They didn't think about relationships in that way.

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Brandi Berg: So that really feel like, okay, there's something here.

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Brandi Berg: So I've continued to write on substack because I enjoy writing writing is where I feel most like myself.

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Brandi Berg: So it doesn't mean it's always easy. But it it is where I found how I make sense

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Brandi Berg: out of all of my experiences that I've been through

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Brandi Berg: is through my writing, but also through my writing. What you'll get is my level of emotional intelligence as well.

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Brandi Berg: So you'll kind of get a taste of what

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Brandi Berg: my skills are, what my skill set is, as far as when it comes to emotions, relationships, how I handle

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Brandi Berg: conflict within relationships.

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Brandi Berg: And you're really gonna get, you're really going to get just the raw.

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Brandi Berg: really, the the things that people don't want to say about.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I like about substack. It's so authentic. And you actually have real conversations with human beings, and everybody doesn't have to agree on everything. But you can have a conversation about it, and the things that are written over there. They make you think

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: and remember, and.

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Brandi Berg: I love it. Yes.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Just a wonderful space to be in.

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Brandi Berg: It is, and it just feels

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Brandi Berg: it's different than Instagram or any of the other social media platforms

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Brandi Berg: like you said, it just is a little more cozy, more like more intimate.

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Brandi Berg: You can get to know people better. And there's really really great writing like you, said.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah.

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Brandi Berg: I mean, it's like you said it makes you think different

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Brandi Berg: and excited to be on there.

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Brandi Berg: and it's just fun to read other people's stuff and their points of views. Different takes.

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Brandi Berg: And that's what my! My sub stack now is somewhat evolving, you know, as I'm getting deeper into like writing a little bit more, and figuring out what it is that I really want to say the thing that makes me want to.

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Brandi Berg: you know. Crap my pants.

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Brandi Berg: That that I think needs to be said.

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Brandi Berg: You know I'm part of that part of my journey was really my patterns, and being addicted

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Brandi Berg: to the chemicals within my body, that from being in this friendship and in this pattern of

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Brandi Berg: running away, then running back to. And you know so for me.

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Brandi Berg: how I see real love is real. Love is addiction.

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Brandi Berg: and I know a lot of people would disagree with that.

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Brandi Berg: Real love is choosing. You know, real love is is like feeling grounded, and freedom and those things are all true. I'm not disagreeing with those things I'm saying.

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Brandi Berg: Maybe what the addiction can do for us is, show us where there is love

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Brandi Berg: instead of it's all about the meaning that we place on things right. Addiction is seen as really bad, something to fix.

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Brandi Berg: And I'm not talking about people who are really like deep into drugs like this isn't the kind of thing that I'm like equipped to say anything on. But but those of us who find ourselves addicted to certain ways of being, maybe let ourselves be a little bit messy in that process, and maybe let that addiction.

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Brandi Berg: you know, really, really show that's where that love is.

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Brandi Berg: If we're wired for love, we're wired for addiction.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Hello!

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Brandi Berg: I don't believe those 2 to be separate.

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Brandi Berg: What addiction isn't the problem. The problem is trying to fix it and make it mean this really bad thing.

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Brandi Berg: because in my experience that's how I came to know love is being really addicted to it. I'm still working through that when I had to let go of that person. I had withdrawals

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Brandi Berg: like actually shaking, physically shaking and feeling like crap.

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Brandi Berg: I didn't realize it back. That that's what it was, and I kept wanting to go back to that person like find a way to get. Maybe I'll just

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Brandi Berg: send him a letter, or maybe I'll just maybe I should say I'm sorry, or I'd find all these ways, and

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Brandi Berg: you know, thank God, I had my husband to say No.

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Brandi Berg: you know. Do you see what no like. You can't know this person hurt you. And there's just no way, absolutely not absolutely not.

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Brandi Berg: So that's really what my sub stack is. Gonna be about going to those

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Brandi Berg: really deep and dark places, because that's the place I like to go. I want to know those parts of people that are that you don't want to talk about that you don't want to share. Sorry.

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Brandi Berg: but they're they're necessary.

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Brandi Berg: They're necessary. They're a part of who we are, and if we deny ourselves those really dark parts, what they call it, you know their shadow work and all of that kind of stuff. I want.

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Brandi Berg: I want people to feel comfortable in that and not deny themselves that. So that's part of what that is. You're gonna get really, just vulnerable, really deep

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Brandi Berg: and sincere. It's just. It's really sincere stuff. It's just coming from a place of of what I know to be true, and I know I'm not the only one I know. There's people who are there, and have felt ashamed

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Brandi Berg: because of their behaviors that they've done out of love or being addicted to love or being addicted to the patterns that that were created, these unhealthy patterns that created all these chemicals like we talked about, and emotions and things running through your body.

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Brandi Berg: So through my sub stack you'll you'll just you'll find a lot of that.

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Brandi Berg: and hopefully able to just give yourself that permission to see those parts of yourself in your relationships, and and have some compassion for yourself.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Very well said, thank you so much for joining me. Brandy. This is station.

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Brandi Berg: Thank you.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: To connect with brandy. Be sure to subscribe over on substack. Her substack is brandyjo, 3,535 substack.com. Thank you for tuning in with us today. If you have a podcast. Or are interested in starting one, be sure to reach out to us at support@heartlifecoach.com. We love to help spiritual entrepreneurs and coaches, amplify their voice and monetize their mission, and offer a variety of ways to do this leveraging substack

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: join us for our next episode as we share what others are doing to raise the global frequency. And remember, change begins with you. You have all the power to change the world, start today and get visible.