Foreign hi, I'm Annemarie Zanzel, coach, ordained minister, grandma, mom of four, and a queer woman married to my lovely gorgeous wife after I came out later in life this is Coming out and Beyond LGBTQIA Stories, a podcast for everyone exploring identity, queerness, and what it means to live more truthfully, no matter our age or stage.
Speaker AWe share stories, stories of coming out, starting over, resiliency, how to navigate relationships, grief, joy, and building lives that actually fit us as human beings.
Speaker ANo labels required, just curiosity, courage, and a little faith in this journey.
Speaker AWelcome.
Speaker ALet's dive in.
Speaker BFirst, romantic relationships with a woman are intense, and for later in lifers, these relationships change everything.
Speaker BBeing in a catalyst relationship can bring an enormous amount of joy, but they can also be fraught with difficulty.
Speaker BAnd if the relationship ends, it can leave you feeling lost.
Speaker BYou don't have to go through this alone.
Speaker BThe Catalyst Relationship Women Loving Women Navigating Love's First Chapter and Beyond is a course to support women who have had a catalyst relationship.
Speaker BThe course includes video lessons, exercises, and an online community where you can connect with others who have had a similar experience.
Speaker BLearn more about the course and sign.
Speaker AUp@Annmariezantzel.Com hello everybody, and welcome back to another episode of Coming out and Beyond LGBTQIA Stories.
Speaker AI'm very excited to welcome a special guest today.
Speaker AHis name is David Cunningham.
Speaker AHe is a renowned transformational teacher, spiritual practitioner, and a lifelong advocate for humanity.
Speaker AFrom humble beginnings in rural Pennsylvania to leading arguably the number one transformational program on six continents, David's impact spans over 30 years as a senior program leader with Landmark Worldwide, where he helped more than 500,000 people unlock new levels of freedom, authenticity, and love.
Speaker AHis leadership has supported communities in healing, executive leaders in evolving, and people from all walks of life in rediscovering what truly matters in their lives.
Speaker ADavid's life is also a testament to courage and service.
Speaker AAs a former special education teacher, LGBTQ rights advocate, and spiritual guide, he continues to create powerful new platforms for change.
Speaker AHe has founded the Love Matters collaboration of movement Anchoring love as the preeminent way of being.
Speaker AThis fall, he'll launch the Awakening, a flagship transformational weekend designed to help people break free from shame, judgment, and separation so they can live from love fully and freely.
Speaker ADavid is also spearheading Love Goes to the Capitol, a national initiative to send a copy of his book to every member of the US Congress, inviting public leaders into a deeper conversation on compassion, humanity, and the power of love to guide public service.
Speaker AHis book, your Love Does Matter A Journey to New Consciousness and Expanding your Love Footprint is a distilled summary of all of his life's work.
Speaker AThe book offers a profound path to healing, forgiveness, loving freely and fully, and spiritual growth helping each of us reclaim the truth that we are here to love.
Speaker AToday we'll explore David's incredible journey, his transformational teachings, and how each of us can expand with our own love footprint in the world.
Speaker ADavid, welcome to the show.
Speaker CThank you so much.
Speaker CWonderful to be with you and to.
Speaker AEverybody watching, well, it is wonderful to have you here.
Speaker AI have been working with people around transformation for a long time.
Speaker ASo it's really nice to talk to somebody that does this work and has done it so successfully for so a long time.
Speaker ASo I'm really looking forward to learning from you today.
Speaker ASo thank you so much for being on the show.
Speaker ASo, David, everybody starts this show by talking a little bit about their coming out story and I would love to hear yours.
Speaker CLet's see.
Speaker CIt was back in the 1970s, so, as many from the community would say, probably knew I was gay from a very early age, right?
Speaker CBut back in those days, it just didn't exist.
Speaker CI didn't know anybody else was gay.
Speaker CI didn't know that it existed.
Speaker CI maybe saw one or two things on TV while I was growing up that.
Speaker CBut it wasn't well portrayed at all.
Speaker CAnd so I spent most of my teenage years and, you know, young adult years denying it, denying that I was gay.
Speaker CIn fact, making a promise to myself every year on my birthday.
Speaker CThat's it.
Speaker CI'll never think that way again.
Speaker CI'll never have those slots again.
Speaker CI'll never, you know, want that again.
Speaker CAnd so that was back in the 1970s.
Speaker CAnd it was.
Speaker CA funny thing happened.
Speaker COne day I was at work and I got this phone call.
Speaker CAnd the voice, the other end was a man.
Speaker CHe says, hi.
Speaker CHe says, you don't know me, but I know you.
Speaker CI've met you.
Speaker CAnd I go, okay.
Speaker CHe goes, there's something else I don't know that you don't know.
Speaker CI go, what's that?
Speaker CHe goes, you're gay.
Speaker CHe says, and I want to have dinner with you.
Speaker CI literally went, okay.
Speaker COkay.
Speaker CSo.
Speaker CAnd what I didn't share was by that point I was already married, still woman, and had a young child.
Speaker CBut it was that immediate of a response for me was like, okay.
Speaker CAnd that started probably about two years of really difficult living of having gay encounters, feeling very guilty about it, promising myself I'd never do it again, having a secret from my wife, et cetera.
Speaker CVery difficult couple of years until I met one man and, you know, again saw him and then promised I would myself never see him again.
Speaker CDidn't give him my whole name.
Speaker CI mean, really.
Speaker CBut somehow the next day he called me.
Speaker CHe figured out who I was, my last name, and where I worked, and then called me.
Speaker CAnd it scared me.
Speaker AOf course it did.
Speaker CBecause how'd he find me?
Speaker CRight?
Speaker CBut he was very good.
Speaker CBut he says, I don't want to scare you.
Speaker CHe says, but I would like to see you again.
Speaker CAnd I said, okay.
Speaker CRight.
Speaker CAnd then there was a third time and a fourth time, and then all of a sudden, Em happened I didn't know could happen, which is I began to fall in love with him.
Speaker CAnd I didn't know that was possible.
Speaker CI didn't know that I could fall in love with a man.
Speaker CI really didn't.
Speaker CIt never occurred to me.
Speaker CAnd I always thought there was just something missing, because with all my straight friends, as they got married, they were talking how in love they were and how wonderful it was, and I was like, it's not quite the same for me.
Speaker CRight.
Speaker AYeah, right.
Speaker ABecause you were.
Speaker AYou were trying to love somebody who wasn't the correct person.
Speaker ASexual orientation, I get that.
Speaker CAnd I fell in love with a man.
Speaker CIt was like, oh, my gosh.
Speaker CThis is.
Speaker AThis is what it feels like.
Speaker CIt was.
Speaker CIt really was startling to me, but it was like, once I saw.
Speaker CThat was like, okay, that's.
Speaker CThere's no choice here.
Speaker CI. I got.
Speaker CThere's, you know, like, I can't deny this.
Speaker CAnd, you know, as I had that very difficult conversation with my wife and.
Speaker ADid she know anything?
Speaker AI mean, had you guys talked about anything?
Speaker CNo.
Speaker CShe was quite surprised, but made immediate choice.
Speaker CIf that's the way it is, you know, we're not, you know, she wanted a divorce, and.
Speaker CWhich was difficult, but in hindsight, probably was the best way to go about it.
Speaker AIt was.
Speaker AIt was.
Speaker CYeah.
Speaker CAnd.
Speaker CAnd that was it.
Speaker CAnd then.
Speaker ACan I ask you a couple of questions?
Speaker ABecause hindsight being 40 years for the women, the people that are listening to my podcasts, a lot of people are married, and they're thinking about coming out.
Speaker ADo you have any regrets about coming out?
Speaker CNo.
Speaker CNone.
Speaker CNot one.
Speaker CNot one.
Speaker CIt is.
Speaker CHas gave me a life where I got to be my fullest self and express myself, be true to myself.
Speaker CAnd, you know, I've been married now to my husband for 31 years.
Speaker CWe have this extraordinary life.
Speaker CThere's not an ounce of regret.
Speaker CThe Only regret I have is that I handled it badly.
Speaker CAbrupt and somewhat like self protective.
Speaker CI didn't take good enough care of my wife as she was going through what she was going through in our, in our separation.
Speaker CMy only regret is I didn't handle it really well.
Speaker CNow that's all been resolved and she and I are very connected now and our relationship is very nice relationship.
Speaker CBut that's the regret I have is I didn't handle it well.
Speaker CBut the choice to come out, zero regret.
Speaker CI would not change a thing about it.
Speaker ASo you have a grown child now.
Speaker AHow has it affected his life?
Speaker ABecause that's what people are really concerned.
Speaker AAnd also what I want to say is that you said something really interesting.
Speaker AYou said I didn't take care of my wife well enough.
Speaker AAnd the thing is, is that when we are on this journey, it is impossible to take care of our spouse because we're going through so much on our own.
Speaker AAnd really it is the responsibility of our spouse to find the support and services that they need.
Speaker ASo now your son, your child is grown.
Speaker AHow, how was his life for them?
Speaker ALike, like when you look back on it for him and I probably need to talk to him about this, but like when you look back at it, like how did it affect your child and how did you guys navigate everything?
Speaker ABecause honestly, now there's more and more people coming out later in life.
Speaker ASo there's more and more kids out there that have parents that are like all of a sudden coming out as not straight.
Speaker ABut in the 70s, it was still a big deal and especially right after, you know, the AIDS crisis came along.
Speaker ASo it was a huge deal.
Speaker AHow did that all go?
Speaker AI mean, that was a lot, David, to navigate.
Speaker AMy goodness, gosh, God bless you.
Speaker CI'll tell you the end result and then we'll go back to the beginning, right?
Speaker CBut the end result was when my husband and I got married.
Speaker CMy son was my best man and his toast was that my dad taught me how to love.
Speaker CThat's how it turned out.
Speaker COkay.
Speaker CAnd he's a.
Speaker COur relationship is profound and beautiful and yeah, he's thriving and I have two grandchildren, 23 year old twins that are just beautiful.
Speaker CAnd so that's the way it turned out.
Speaker CNow during the whole process, given that my wife and I struggled in our relationship, I ended up not being with him as much as I would have wanted, as he would have wanted.
Speaker CSo during his teenage years, he resented that I wasn't there enough, which I completely understand.
Speaker CBut I learned something back there.
Speaker CAnne Marie is that I learned to just keep loving.
Speaker CThat's all.
Speaker CKeep loving.
Speaker CSo, you know, I went through a period where he didn't really want to talk to me and didn't have time for me.
Speaker CI would just either leave him a phone message or a text message literally every day.
Speaker CBut a message that didn't demand any response.
Speaker CIt wasn't like, how are you?
Speaker COr when can I see you?
Speaker CNothing like that.
Speaker CNo questions, no demands, just let him know I so message that said, let's, I'm thinking of you, sending you my love.
Speaker CThat's it.
Speaker CEvery day.
Speaker CI think that was really important.
Speaker CI just kept making sure that he heard my love with no demand on him about it.
Speaker CJust he heard my love, he heard my love, heard my love.
Speaker CAnd I think that made a big difference.
Speaker CSo, you know, and I think it was difficult for him.
Speaker CThe thing that I was gay was not difficult for him.
Speaker CI'll tell you a funny little story is I think he was, oh my gosh, 12.
Speaker CNo younger than that.
Speaker CI think he was more like nine.
Speaker CAnd he, I lived in Chicago, he lived in Connecticut and he came to visit me for a whole summer and I had him in a summer camp, a day camp.
Speaker CIt was right near my apartment in Chicago.
Speaker CAnd I think it was the second day I picked him up from camp.
Speaker CAnother little boy came running up to him named Adam.
Speaker CAnd he said to my son, is David.
Speaker CHe said, david, David, is it true what you said about your daddy today?
Speaker CAnd David looked at me and looked back at him and goes, what?
Speaker CAnd Adam said, you said that your daddy's gay.
Speaker CAnd David looked back at me and looked back at him and looked back at me and he said, well, of course it is, isn't it, daddy?
Speaker CAnd walked away completely disinterested.
Speaker ARight?
Speaker CLike, of course it is, right?
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker CBut he's also turned out to be, you know, a pretty.
Speaker CIt's shaped his social political view as well.
Speaker CHe is a staunch protector of gay rights.
Speaker CHe, he will not tolerate any anti gay sentiment.
Speaker CHe just will not tolerate it.
Speaker CHe's very, very clear where he stands in the matter.
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Speaker BBecause your love deserves more than just getting by.
Speaker BIt deserves to grow.
Speaker AThat's wonderful.
Speaker AAnd as a mother who has gone through some ups and downs with my kids around all of this, I understand so much about what you're talking about.
Speaker AAbout like we have to continually show up as, as loving parents.
Speaker AEven sometimes when it's hard and we're angry sometimes, I mean, you know, we get angry at our kids.
Speaker AWe're human beings.
Speaker AAnd so being able to be a loving presence, even when they're saying no, it can be hard.
Speaker ABut also too sometimes I think we take it all on.
Speaker AAnd a lot of times that's normal for teenagers to like say, dad, stay away.
Speaker CAnd then, and then another quick end was I guess when he was 12 or 13.
Speaker CLet's see.
Speaker CYeah, no, he would have been 12 years old.
Speaker CI had a partner who died of AIDS and David came to the funeral and he got there a little bit late.
Speaker CSo like a 12 year old boy, he walked in with his kind of necktie off to the side, his half his shirt tail out of his pants.
Speaker CHe walked in, but he walked in with his match car box, you know, match car toys, wanted to put them in the coffin.
Speaker CWith Hayden, it was like, so he understood, he was compassionate, he was impacted by the AIDS epidemic from that perspective himself.
Speaker CAnd it touched his heart.
Speaker CAnd he was a beautiful human being throughout all that.
Speaker ASounds like he's like his dad.
Speaker ASo one of the things I've talked about and for people who will come out later in life, some people, they come out and they just come out.
Speaker AThen there are the people where it is an incredible transformational experience.
Speaker ALike to me, I call it like a spiritual awakening.
Speaker AEven though I'd been to divinity school, was ordained, but accepting my queerness was a profound, profound spiritual experience and changed me in ways that I was totally unexpected.
Speaker AMy, my ability for compassion has skyrocketed since then.
Speaker AYou know, to experience compassion for others.
Speaker AThis transformation that you went through at maybe your early 30s, like 20s at the time.
Speaker AAnd how did that experience lead to where you ended up working in transformation full time?
Speaker CWell, let's see, it was the timing was that just about the time I came out, I also participated in my own first real transformational program.
Speaker CIt was called the S Training.
Speaker CBack then was an infamous program back in the 70s and 80s called the S Training.
Speaker CBut I think when I came out Emory, the thing was the freedom.
Speaker CI am never, it was kind of like I am never going to suppress myself again.
Speaker CI am never going to be in the closet about anything again, it was like, okay, this is my birthright and it's my.
Speaker CAlso my obligation to humanity to be free and to stand for freedom.
Speaker CSo that was my.
Speaker CAbout coming out.
Speaker CThen I did my first transformational program.
Speaker CAnd there's a point in that program where it was like the last day.
Speaker CAnd it was probably about 300 people in a hotel ballroom that had been together for four days.
Speaker CRight.
Speaker CIn a conversation.
Speaker CAnd I just remember there was a certain point on the last day where everybody in that room loved everybody in that room.
Speaker CIt was pure acceptance.
Speaker CAcceptance of everybody from every walk of life.
Speaker CIt was an amazing.
Speaker COh, it really could be.
Speaker CIt really could be this.
Speaker CThat everybody on earth is accepted just the way they are.
Speaker CIt was, it could see.
Speaker CIt was right there happening in front of my eyes.
Speaker CAnd so that experience then led me to wanting to lead that program and provide that for people around the world.
Speaker CSo it is possible that we generate that kind of love and acceptance universally.
Speaker CIt is possible.
Speaker CAnd that's why founded the Love Matters collaboration and dedicated my life to love prevailing as the preeminent way of being on the planet.
Speaker CAnd that's what my life.
Speaker CLife is about a hundred percent.
Speaker AI find that if we allow people to be their most authentic selves, our.
Speaker CWorld would be healed and right.
Speaker CHarmonious with that.
Speaker CConsistent with that is I find that when people are free, they love.
Speaker CBut free, free from fear, free from resentment, free from judgment, free from limiting beliefs.
Speaker CWhen people are free, they naturally love.
Speaker CSo it's become normal to judge each other.
Speaker CIt's become normal to resent each other.
Speaker CBut normal and natural are two different things.
Speaker ASay more about that.
Speaker CSo when things become normal, we get used to certain things, but that doesn't mean they're natural for us.
Speaker AYeah, we, I, I call that conditioning.
Speaker ARight?
Speaker CYeah.
Speaker CVery good, very good.
Speaker CBut when we're free, I find we naturally love.
Speaker CI just want to be the.
Speaker CSo it's never to have people become more loving.
Speaker CThat's never the job.
Speaker CNo, it's to free people from the things they got trapped in, the judgments they got trapped in of themselves or others, the resentments they got trapped in, the beliefs they got trapped in.
Speaker CWhen you get people free, they just naturally love.
Speaker CThat's what happens.
Speaker CSo that's, that's what I find is.
Speaker CIs important for us is to trust that everybody, when they're free, they love and that.
Speaker CAnd so the job is not to try to convince them to love.
Speaker CIt's to get them free.
Speaker ASo it sounds like you've had a lot of influences in your life as you've moved on this journey?
Speaker AWhat were some of your influences or mentors along the way and how did they help unlock this model of love for you?
Speaker CPersonally, I see a couple major influences.
Speaker COne was, believe it or not, a French teacher who I did one of those in college, junior years abroad.
Speaker CI studied my junior year in France.
Speaker CI had a teacher that went with us.
Speaker CHis name was Bill and he was the most.
Speaker CA lot.
Speaker CHe wasn't gay.
Speaker CHe was the most alive person I'd seen.
Speaker CHe was so self expressed.
Speaker CHe just.
Speaker CAnd he loved French and he loved teaching and he loved everything about.
Speaker CAnd he just was always just alive and.
Speaker CAnd you know, sharing it with everybody, like, come on, you know, and that really impacted me.
Speaker CI had never seen somebody that much playing the game of life that fully before.
Speaker CSo that was one right there.
Speaker CThen again, Warner Earhart, who created the s training and leader the program called the Landmark Forum.
Speaker CWarner Earhart has been called the genius of the century.
Speaker CHis teachings are so utterly to the point of what it takes to be human that who we're being as human beings and being able to transform that.
Speaker CSo not at all just a philosophical conversation, although there is philosophy to it, but a conversation that really leaves you living life as your true self.
Speaker CSo Warner Earhart was a critical piece.
Speaker CBut then if I could say one more thing with all that transformational opening I had in studying with warnerheart, then I met a guru.
Speaker CHer name is Jagged Guru Saima.
Speaker CS a I new word M a a Saima.
Speaker CAnd Saima touched my heart.
Speaker AShe.
Speaker CSo I had the, I had the in.
Speaker CI had the, the opening in my thinking.
Speaker CBut Saima came and touched my heart, opened my heart to fully loving.
Speaker CSo when you took the transformational teachings and then brought this spiritual awakening to it, then I have been unabashed in my loving ever since.
Speaker AI would say it's brave to love.
Speaker COh, it takes courage.
Speaker CIt takes real courage to love.
Speaker CIt does.
Speaker CPart of the courage it takes is because sometimes, you know, especially as a gay man, it took courage.
Speaker CLove, because a. I was told that my love was inappropriate.
Speaker CAnd me, I was told as a gay man, I was told that my love was too feminine.
Speaker CSo it all was something to be criticized, actually, which was.
Speaker ARight.
Speaker ARight.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker CYou know, you know, a surprising thing.
Speaker CBut even still today, you know, it's being voted on, you know, whether.
Speaker CWhether gay love is acceptable or not.
Speaker CIs it being voted on?
Speaker CReally?
Speaker CWe're voting on love.
Speaker CReally?
Speaker AWhat it's like I did a TikTok My wife and I do tiktoks sometimes.
Speaker AAnd my wife came out in 1982.
Speaker AShe's been out a gazillion years.
Speaker AAnd we did a video of us and it was us on the couch, our two dogs in between us.
Speaker AAnd I titled it the horrors of gay Marriage.
Speaker AWhat.
Speaker AWhat are we like?
Speaker AAnd as somebody who.
Speaker AAnd you, you understand this as well as somebody who's been married to, to the conditioned right person and now married to the person that's the best person for you and who you are as a human being.
Speaker AMy marriage to my wife is so much more of a marriage as a, as a partnership, as having love and desire for that person than my marriage to my ex husband ever was.
Speaker AYou know, it just wasn't that way.
Speaker AAnd there's a plethora of reasons why it wasn't that way.
Speaker AAnd like, to me, I know both sides.
Speaker ASo I can tell you that my marriage with my wife is a much more real marriage, a partnership than my wife, my relationship with my ex husband ever was.
Speaker AAnd he's.
Speaker AAnd by the way, my ex husband's a very nice man.
Speaker AHe's a great dad to his kids.
Speaker ABut it's just that we did not.
Speaker AWhat is it like the like use a religious word, like almost like cleaving or this bonding that we have with each other that I just didn't have with my ex.
Speaker ASo like I know both sides and this is actually more of a marriage than that ever was in the sense of a partnership and lovers and all those things like that.
Speaker CYeah.
Speaker CAnd we could easily argue it's not only good for you and your wife, it's good for the world.
Speaker CThat that is good for the world.
Speaker CThat.
Speaker AThat correct.
Speaker AAnd also too, I mean, it's good for the world because people that are unhappy and, and in love with their spouses are going to be happier citizens, you know.
Speaker CSo let's talk about your book, Raise, you know, happier kids.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker CRight.
Speaker CSo without a doubt.
Speaker ASo I would love to talk a little bit about your book.
Speaker COh, me too.
Speaker CThat's great.
Speaker AWhat does your love does matter truly mean?
Speaker AAnd why is it the title of your book?
Speaker CWell, again, if I go back to when I was real young to four years old.
Speaker CSo this is.
Speaker CI turned 74 this week, so 70 years ago.
Speaker COkay.
Speaker ABirthday.
Speaker CThank you.
Speaker COne of my first memories is being taken to church.
Speaker CAnd I was raised in a very faithful family.
Speaker CActually.
Speaker CWe participated in a religion called Evangelical United Brethren.
Speaker CSo it was a Protestant faithful upbringing.
Speaker CAnd at 4 years old, I was taken to the most beautiful evening ceremony.
Speaker CIt was a candlelight service in our church.
Speaker CIt was a little church in a little town, but the whole sanctuary night was lit with candles.
Speaker CAnd you'll get a kick out of this.
Speaker CYou ever drive down the highway and see paintings on velvet backgrounds?
Speaker CLike usually it's a beanie of Elvis Presley or a tiger or something.
Speaker CThis whole service was an artist painting a picture of Jesus on a velvet canvas, right?
Speaker ASo Sad.
Speaker CThis was 50s, this was 50s, this is back in the 50s.
Speaker CAnd.
Speaker CBut in my little four year old eyes, it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw in my whole life.
Speaker CBut here's what happens.
Speaker CI was sitting there watching and I was just moved by Jesus's love for the children.
Speaker CAnd I think it was my first experience of my own soul because I remember thinking to myself, I love that much, I love the world that much.
Speaker CI love people that much.
Speaker CAnd then, and it was a, it was a profound awakening to my own soul that night, right?
Speaker CBut then, you know, things happened.
Speaker CAnd a couple years later, my dad, I still don't know why, I turned violent and got brutally violent with my mom and our family.
Speaker CAnd so my beautiful, faithful family turned into a violent family.
Speaker CAnd then, you know, we moved away, my nuclear family moved away from our bigger family.
Speaker CAnd it seemed not to matter anymore, that the family didn't matter anymore.
Speaker CAnd then as I already said, as I came out and started dealing with being gay, I got told my love was illegitimate, right?
Speaker CAnd so I got really disappointed, like in life, like, wait, I thought love mattered and it didn't.
Speaker CSo it's then taking that, saying that, no, wait, it does matter.
Speaker CAnd I am now a hundred percent resolved.
Speaker CLove is the thing that matters.
Speaker CAnd if people want, and this is not just a nice, you know, oh, let's create a loving world in that nice.
Speaker CNo, if you want to be effective with people, you gotta love.
Speaker CYou cannot be affected.
Speaker CI don't care if you want to be a corporate leader, a social leader, a political leader.
Speaker CI don't care if you want to lead people, they got to listen to you.
Speaker CI don't care how brilliant you are.
Speaker CIf people don't listen, you're not the leader.
Speaker CAnd people don't listen to people who don't love them.
Speaker CThey just don't.
Speaker ASo I got to push back on that one.
Speaker AThe man who is currently serving as president.
Speaker AExplain that one.
Speaker COkay, well, there are people who think, who relate to it like he loves them and they are for him.
Speaker CAnd it's just been enough people that God was able to get him elected.
Speaker CBut if you watch what he can't get done, it's what he can't get done with the people that have the opposite experience.
Speaker CNot only he doesn't love me, he scorns me.
Speaker CHe's not effective with those people.
Speaker CNow, you can resort to domination, you can resort to force.
Speaker CYou can.
Speaker CBut ultimately it won't be effective.
Speaker CAnd I don't care.
Speaker CAmber, if it's.
Speaker CIf we're talking about, like, dealing with our teenage children or if it's dealing with our colleagues at work or dealing with our neighbors, I am firmly committed.
Speaker CNow, that doesn't.
Speaker CYou know, I watched.
Speaker CYou know, if I look back at Gandhi and Dr. King, they were known for loving, but I even held it most time, like, yeah, but their diplomacy was so brilliant.
Speaker CTheir strategy was so brilliant.
Speaker CI'm.
Speaker CI'm not of that view anymore.
Speaker CI'm of the view their love is what did it, period.
Speaker ASo how are you defining love?
Speaker CLove is a way of being.
Speaker CSo you could.
Speaker CAnd I'm very, very.
Speaker CI want.
Speaker CI think this is important for people to understand.
Speaker CMost people relate to love as something they have.
Speaker CLike they have loving emotions or loving thoughts or loving sensations, or people relate to love is something to do, like, you know, I give you a Valentine's card, or I give you flowers, or I kiss you.
Speaker CSo those are two domains of life.
Speaker CWhat we have and what we do.
Speaker CBut, Anne Marie, there's a third domain of life that people don't deal with much is who we be as human beings so that we're always being some way.
Speaker CLike, I could be generous, or I could be stingy.
Speaker CI could be tender.
Speaker CI could be cold.
Speaker CI could be kind.
Speaker CI could be cruel.
Speaker CLoving is a way of being.
Speaker CNow, two things about that that are important.
Speaker COne is if you really examine life, the only thing that gives us the quality of our life is not what we have.
Speaker CYou and I could have a million dollars and be miserable.
Speaker CIt's not what we do.
Speaker CYou and I could be skiing in the Swiss Alps and be miserable.
Speaker CIt's who we be.
Speaker CIf you examine life carefully, if you love who you're being, you love your life.
Speaker CAnd if you don't love who you're being, you don't love your life.
Speaker CSplit second by split second.
Speaker CWhen you get love as a way of being, you have your hands around that which gives you the quality of your life.
Speaker CBut here's the other thing that's really important.
Speaker CYou and I don't have control over what we have.
Speaker CWe could Have a car, one minute, it's gone, the next, we could have an arm one minute, it's gone, the next, you and I don't have control over what we do.
Speaker CIf we step off a roof, we fall down.
Speaker CWe could show up at the airport on time, get to the gate on time, and our flight's canceled.
Speaker CThe thing that we have total control over 100% is who we be.
Speaker CSo then we find out that the one thing that gives us our happiness is the one thing we have total control over is who we be.
Speaker CSo being loving.
Speaker CAnd when you get love as a way of being, then you, you develop your muscle to be loving anytime, anywhere, under any circumstance.
Speaker CAnd that's what I them am calling, you know, expanding your love footprint.
Speaker CHaving a love footprint in the planet, just as we have a carbon footprint.
Speaker CI'd like us to consider we have a love footprint.
Speaker CAnd every time we leave an interaction, Whether it's for 60 seconds, we talk to a clerk in a store or we worked with a colleague for 10 years, every time we leave, we leave behind.
Speaker CDo we leave behind resentment, opinion, judgment, indifference, or do we leave love behind?
Speaker CAnd it's possible to leave love behind.
Speaker CAnd so when you get love as a way of being, it's something we have access to, generating.
Speaker AWell, I've always said that Jesus, when asked what was the greatest commandment of the Bible, he said to love God, love your neighbor, and love yourself.
Speaker AAnd my argument has always been the hardest thing to do is love yourself.
Speaker ABeing love would mean that we would have to accept all parts of ourselves, including the parts that are, you know, the ones we don't like so much.
Speaker AYou know, that is, I feel like if we can become, if we can love ourselves and then generate that love out to others.
Speaker AThat I think is what God was talking about.
Speaker AIt really, it wasn't.
Speaker AWasn't the conditional love your neighbor like we see right now.
Speaker ALove your neighbor as long as it doesn't interfere with my taxes.
Speaker AYou know, stuff like that.
Speaker AWhat we're seeing right now.
Speaker CNo, that, that you're talking about grace.
Speaker CGrace is giving love that does not have to be deserved and is never taken away.
Speaker AYes.
Speaker CYou literally bestow grace on others.
Speaker CSaid it a little simpler.
Speaker CYou just wish others well, period.
Speaker CThat's bestowing grace in them.
Speaker CBut this thing about self love, can we talk about that for a minute?
Speaker CYou know, I'm going to say the same thing.
Speaker CIf we don't love ourselves, it doesn't work to try to love ourselves more.
Speaker CWhat works is to find out hey, what got in my way of loving myself?
Speaker COh, it's some opinion I got about myself, some judgment I got about myself.
Speaker CSo the job is to be able to free ourselves from those judgments and opinions, and then we naturally love ourselves.
Speaker CNow for that.
Speaker CThis is a bigger conversation.
Speaker CWhat's needed on the planet is a whole new.
Speaker CIs a release from the paradigm.
Speaker CThe old paradigm of good, bad, right and wrong.
Speaker CPeople have forgotten that that's all made up.
Speaker AYes, it is.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker CThere's no such thing as good or bad music.
Speaker CPeople think there's good and bad music.
Speaker CNo, there's not.
Speaker CThere's music we call good and there's music we call bad, but that's us making it up.
Speaker AAre you saying we have to be free from duality then?
Speaker CI.
Speaker CNot quite.
Speaker CWe.
Speaker CYes, I would say that.
Speaker COkay.
Speaker CI would say that, but because that's all made up, too.
Speaker COkay.
Speaker CHow did duality get made up?
Speaker CThings get separated by naming.
Speaker CSo Anne Marie, David, were separate.
Speaker CCorrect.
Speaker CThe floor of the wall.
Speaker COh, separate.
Speaker CUnited States, Canada, one piece of dirt.
Speaker COne piece of dirt.
Speaker CUnited States, Canada.
Speaker CHow did the United States of Canada get separated?
Speaker COh, they called that piece of dirt.
Speaker CThat part of the dirt.
Speaker CUnited States, that part of the dirt.
Speaker CCanada are two different things now.
Speaker CMonday, Tuesday, one block at time.
Speaker CHow did it get separated?
Speaker CWe called some of the time Monday, some of the time Tuesday.
Speaker CJust naming things has them become separate?
Speaker CSo duality is a function of things having been named and therefore separated.
Speaker CAnd we forget as human beings, it's all made up.
Speaker CIt's not the truth.
Speaker CIt's a reality that we inherited, a reality that got made up in conversation and is not the truth.
Speaker CAnd when people can discover that they.
Speaker BGet free, tune in next week for part two of AnneMarie's conversation with David Cunningham on the power of love as a tool for transformation.
Speaker BYou've been listening to Coming out and LGBTQIA stories with Annmarie Zanzel.
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Speaker BAnd for more resources, articles, videos, and a free downloadable guide for coming out later in life, visit annmariezanzel.com.