E099 - What It REALLY Means To Break The Cycle & Heal Your Trauma

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[00:00:00] Ready to break the cycle today. You'll understand what it actually takes to shift the beliefs that are keeping you stuck.

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Speaker: Welcome to Heartbreak to Wholeness, the podcast helping you heal from the mindfuck of narcissistic relationships and move towards the secure, peaceful woman you want to become. I am your host, Bre Wolta, Relationship Clarity Coach and EFT Certified Practitioner. Let's dive in.

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Well, welcome back to Heartbreak to Wholeness. Have you left a toxic relationship and maybe even done some work around it and feel like, yeah, I've really broken this cycle, but as you've gone about your life, and maybe it's been weeks or months or years, you are having moments where you're thinking, why do I keep finding myself in similar situations, maybe.

An actual similar relationship or maybe just a situation that has a residual feeling, asking yourself, like, why does this same feeling keep following me? Well, I have two, and today I am [00:01:00] sharing a surprising, well, maybe not surprising, but definitely humbling, a humbling discovery that I have recently made about wounds that are still running my life, and what it really takes to shift those beliefs for good.

So in sharing my story with you, I hope that you will see and learn how to recognize these old patterns when they are sneaking into new areas of your life. I hope that you can better understand why cycles keep repeating and the cost of not breaking them, and I hope you will learn the key to reprogramming these beliefs as they arise, so that you can continue to create a life rooted in peace and love and abundance. I really, really hope that you walk away from this episode feeling inspired to do the deeper work because this is about shifting your entire reality.

It's about the incredible power of doing this work so that you can reprogram what you deserve in relationships, in love, in [00:02:00] money, and in life. And be sure to stick around to the end of the episode where I will pull an Oracle card that will offer you a message that you can use this week to stay more conscious in your healing.

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I want to share something personal with you in this episode today, and as I'm saying that, I'm feeling it in my body. I'm feeling this vulnerability but I know the topic of breaking cycles is really important, and it's more important to me now than it ever has been before, and I used to think it was really important, but since giving birth to my daughter in January, I see self work on a whole new importance level.

I see everything that I do in terms of looking at my beliefs, shifting my beliefs as not just for me now in this life, in this moment, but to prevent passing on something down to my daughter that I don't want to [00:03:00] pass down unconsciously. I know some of you have kids, and I know some of you really want kids one day, so I know that this, this conversation is going to feel important for you too.

Breaking cycles has looked a lot of different ways for me over the years, and the biggest cycle that I think I have broken thus far is not engaging in the same cycle of toxicity with men, not being in unhealthy relationships not believing that I deserve that type of love and that treatment in relationships, I did so much work around my last toxic narcissistic relationship around what got me into that relationship, what kept me there, and I really did heal so many parts of me that were feeling empty in relationships and that were seeking validation or seeking worthiness, or seeking love from people who weren't able to give that to me in a way that I.

Needed in a way that was actually sustainable. And what I've [00:04:00] recognized recently is that there are some beliefs that I held about myself in relationships that are servicing in a new way. So let me walk you through what happened recently. I am getting ready to start weaning my daughter from breastfeeding. And in preparation for this weaning, I have been doing a lot of research around formulas.

So the other night I was sitting down with my husband. We were narrowing down the formula options to two and we did the actual like equating equation, I don't know, calculating of what the formula was gonna cost for how much we would need per month. And we came up with this number and I immediately shut down. I felt this familiar part. Come in and say, Nope, we are not spending $250 a month on formula. This is insane. You can make breast milk for free. You need to continue to make breast milk for free. We're just gonna continue to [00:05:00] suffer through this for four more months until she's one years old and can drink whole milk.

Save the money, do it the hard way.

This part is familiar. I have heard this part before. I have explored this part before, , so once I sort of regulated out of that initial like. Panic moment. I could see this part of me that's like, Nope, we're just going to suck it up and do it the hard way.

Then I was able to get curious about her and what I was able to figure out was that her saying that just suck it up and do it was actually a belief that it can't be easy. It was a belief that my time, my mental health, my physical health, the stress levels, the hormone regulation, AKA me.

Is just not worth it. It's not worth the financial cost of the formula.

And it hit me in such a profound way that. This was the same belief that I used to have in relationships.

I believed that relationships were hard. [00:06:00] I believed that I needed to take it all on and figure it out and fix it and, and sacrifice my health and my wellbeing to make it work. That I needed to settle and deal with it and suffer.

So when this part of me came out, when I was talking about the cost of formula and the sacrifice that I just believed that I should make, because I wasn't worth the cost, I could see this parallel so clearly, and, and of course I had that thought come in of like, didn't I already heal this?

And that is exactly why I believe that this conversation is important because when we are working on breaking cycles, that means that we're working on healing these wounded parts of ourselves. And sometimes these wounded parts come out subtly in different ways, in different aspects of our life.

So the work that I did around the toxic relationship cycle specifically was impactful and healing, and [00:07:00] specifically helped me heal the belief that love had to be hard and that I had to fight for it, and that I had to earn love.

Doing that work helped me see that I was worthy and deserving of a man who could show up for me, and that experience could be easeful. It helped me understand that I didn't need a man's validation in order to feel safe.

And it really did help me claim my worth in terms of lovability and relationship to another person, even in my friendships, even in my family relationships.

But what I'm recognizing and what I learned from this part of me around the money and the formula and the ease and the struggle and the suffering of it all is that, they're still very much a part of me who believes that I. Am not really worthy of ease and abundance that I still have to suffer on some level.

Still have to make that sacrifice.

That doesn't trust that this experience with money can be peaceful and peaceful.

So I'm being invited [00:08:00] to tend to this part of me in a new way. And because there are so many parallels here, because there are so many of the similar beliefs, what's beautiful about this is a, I have already proven that I can challenge these beliefs and shift my entire experience around a part of my life because I've shifted the belief.

And B, that I have the tools to do it.

I've already done it once. I already know I can use the tools. So I just need to wield those tools again

because here is what is true about this. The cost of ignoring these beliefs is. More than I am willing to pay for me ignoring this, this part of me who holds these beliefs, that money has to be hard and that I have to suffer means that I would be living out of scarcity and out of fear. And most importantly, it means that I'm passing that down to my daughter, that I am raising her in, even if it's an unspoken energy of [00:09:00] we're not worthy of abundance and ease, and I'm just not willing to, to not do the work around something that I can have control over in terms of what I passed down to my daughter. So for you listening to this episode, maybe you are trying to break the cycle of the toxic relationship.

Maybe you're trying to stop being in narcissistic relationships or to stop believing that you aren't lovable. . So for you, ignoring this maybe means spending another five years with the wrong person, and that stealing away your childbearing years if you really want a family, or maybe it means a whole nother season of being attached to somebody who hurts you and being steeped in this anxiety and mistrust and confusion and pain.

Believing that you are worthless.

So the cost that this has on your life and your experience is very painful, but it also physically. Hurts our bodies when we are stuck in a cycle, we are [00:10:00] also stuck in stress cycles don't make us feel good.

They don't. They don't add health and vitality to our life. They add stuckness and stagnation and stress. And what do we know about stress? It pumps cortisol through our body. That is an inflammatory that causes very real health issues, whether it's headaches or an autoimmune disease or losing hair, losing weight, or putting on weight.

There are so many ways that our bodies. Actually, literally express to us that we are under too much tension, too much stress. So when we break these cycles, we find relief. We find mental relief, we find physical relief.

I have had so many clients who have had physical changes in their bodies once they. Get out of the relationship number one, and further changes once they have actually like moved through a lot of the, the grief process work around [00:11:00] these parts of us.

So it's affecting us mentally. It's affecting us physically,

and I know if you are a mom or if you want to be a mom. One of the biggest costs for you and for me is passing this down, is continuing this generational trauma, continuing these beliefs that our mom have, that our grandmothers have, that our great-grandmothers have that keep us in these familiar experiences.

Shifting those patterns in those beliefs for me is one of the most precious and important things that I will ever do for my daughter.

So it's powerful. This work is so powerful. Just like I experienced this whole shift in my, in my experience around men and bring, being able to finally attract a relationship with my now husband and interact in this healthy dynamic in a way that I never thought was possible.

I didn't know what healthy relationships looked like. This, this reality was something I had to put blind faith into that. It [00:12:00] existed. And I had to parallel do the work to get me to a place where I could actually step into that unexperienced way of living.

When you do that in any area of your life, everything changes. Like just for a minute, imagine showing up to love, knowing that you are worthy of peace, knowing that you don't do chaos anymore. Imagine raising your kids to know that love is safe, that love is not something that they have to earn or something they have to suffer through or endure.

Imagine building a life where ease and abundance feel natural because you believe that you deserve it.

That, to me is what breaking the cycle actually means. It's not about just leaving the painful relationship. It's about using all of that to transform everything. And when you find the clarity, it ripples out into every area of your life. You can't change something that you can't see.

That is why I am a relationship clarity coach, [00:13:00] because clarity to me is like the most powerful tool that we can have.

And I am so fucking passionate about helping other women do this deeper work because. Once you can see it, once you can see the belief, once you can see the fear, then you can do the tending work that you need to in order to get unstuck, in order to write new beliefs, and to create a new reality, I know that you are committed to your self-development journey. I know that you want to be the best version of yourself and in order for us to really get into these parts of us that have been hidden or protected for so long, we really need a place that we feel safe enough to explore those depths, and we really need the tools to be able to go down and do that exploring.

Those two things are the most vital components of how I hold space for my clients. So if you are ready to stop repeating the same cycles and start creating [00:14:00] new experiences with your children, with money, with work in all areas of your life. Please go to the show notes and book an intro session with me. I would love to walk this part of the journey with you know that it is possible and know that with the tools that you learn, you'll be able to continue to meet yourself in these new ways as different things come up in your life.

Like it has for me, we are building your, your resilience for your ability to withstand anything that comes up. It's not just about doing a program with me and having that space and those tool for four months while we're together. It is about then taking everything that you've learned and utilizing those tools ongoing. So you're building your resilience, you're building your capacity to do hard things, to meet yourself in all of the new ways that will come with the inevitable change and stress and, and experience of living life.

I know, you know, it's [00:15:00] important, so it's just a matter of you having the courage to take that next step. Having the courage to put that next foot in front of the other and say, this is something that I am willing to do

because I feel safe and held and guided.

I'm right here with you, which is why I am sharing this story with you today. I am not all powerful. I am not completely healed in my life. There are still things that come up and I am human and I look at healing very much like we are on a upward spiral, right?

We are moving around and touching in on different parts of ourselves and different beliefs in similar ways, but we're still progressing upwards. And so if I am able to hold space for somebody who's a couple rings down on that spiral, because I've been there and I understand that specific pain, the specific way to be able to move through that belief, then, then that's what it's about.

With that. Let's pull an Oracle [00:16:00] card and see what the message is that wants to come out for you today. The message we got is Body Vision. So I will find Body Vision in the book, and this is what it has to say.

Body Vision calls you to be fully present in the moment to experience life with all five of your senses. Imagine the information you could collect if in every interaction you had you consciously sensed into your vision, skin, hearing, eyesight, and even the taste of a moment. Your full body is always working for you to enrich the experiences of your life.

Body Vision is a vibe, but meant to encourage you to slow down, get present, and soak up the riches of the moment. Body vision is the antenna that tunes you into the unspoken, unseen, unheard unm. Smelled and uncosted live presently in your whole self. You're receiving this message because you have gone unconscious in some area of your life, and body vision is like a finger poking you to wake up.

Get your senses online. Tune in, tune in, tune in. [00:17:00] What can you tune into this week? What can you sense into around your beliefs, that might be showing up in a new way in your life? Something to ponder this week. Thank you for being with me through this episode. Thank you for holding me and my vulnerability and sharing about these money beliefs that I have. And from my story that I shared today, it is my hope that you have learned how to recognize these old patterns that show up in a new way. That you better understand why cycles keep repeating and why it's so important to do the work around them. And that you know the key to reprogramming these beliefs so that you can live a life rooted in peace and love and trust.

Don't forget that intro session link is in the show notes. I cannot wait to see you and until I see you there or in the next episode, please, please, please remember that you are not alone. [00:18:00]