[00:00:00] CRYSTLE JOHNSON: How I showed up at work was literally saying yes to everything. No matter what it was, no matter if I was already like 200% overfilled on the plate, I would still say yes, because I felt like if I said no, that no would then be my demise. I would lose everything. Nice. That was what I was assuming and thinking and how I saw myself was that even though, you know, I did good over here, well tomorrow if I don't do well, then that's just gonna tear down my whole reputation, my brand, like everything will be for nothing.

[00:00:43] So I always saw myself as not doing enough, not saying yes enough, even though I'm saying yes to everything. Just unreasonable, just irrational thinking. I was just irrational and, I have no idea how I'd lived in that for so long.

[00:01:03] That level of chaos and thinking that if I don't do all of this stuff, no matter how that leaves me feeling at the end of the day, then I'm nothing. I'm not enough.

[00:01:18] CHRISTY RUTHERFORD: Welcome to Why She's Winning with your host, Christy Rutherford, a master of office politics and self care advocacy. Christy's clients have received over 10 million in salary raises in a pandemic, surprised that women are still getting paid during these challenging times.

[00:01:36] It's possible for you too. You can have it all. If you believe you deserve it, Christy and her guest will assist you with that. Let's get started.

[00:01:46] All right. Welcome everyone to Why She's Winning where we are looking to create. Get that hair in order. Hold on. Y'all know I'm cute. . We are looking to create and normalize women asking for what they desire.

[00:02:03] So today I have asked my guest the amazing Crystle Johnson. So Crystle right now Director, Diversity, Equity & Inclusion Business Partner at Nike. All right. N I K E. And that's a bootleg. It's the actual company because she's a rockstar. So she's also the founder and CEO of Roughing and Johnson Homes.

[00:02:30] Okay, Now should get her investment on, I'm reading your business off of LinkedIn, so it's public knowledge. I ain't telling all your business in these streets.

[00:02:36] She's also the founding and founder and managing partner of the DEI coach Crystle has worked with amazing companies such as Electronic Arts, Bosh, Luman Technologies and Pandora absolute rockstar.

[00:02:50] What was the nickname I gave you? What was the fairy? I call her the, what did I give you?

[00:02:54] CRYSTLE JOHNSON: Fairy Queen C.

[00:02:56] CHRISTY RUTHERFORD: Yes. Fairy Queen C.

[00:02:58] CRYSTLE JOHNSON: I got wings and everything, y'all. I'm not pulling them out though.

[00:03:02] CHRISTY RUTHERFORD: Yeah, yeah. She's sprinkles her fairy dust on everything and everybody. So welcome, Crystle.

[00:03:07] CRYSTLE JOHNSON: Thank you so much, Christy. It's a pleasure to be here with you. Hey, everybody.

[00:03:12] CHRISTY RUTHERFORD: All right, I'm moving my cameras around on time. Can you hear me clearly? Cuz my microphone is all the way over there, but you know I talk loud. All right.

[00:03:18] CRYSTLE JOHNSON: I can hear you.

[00:03:21] CHRISTY RUTHERFORD: I got a new camera. See how it's doing me right now? We live.

[00:03:25] CRYSTLE JOHNSON: It's very clear.

[00:03:26] CHRISTY RUTHERFORD: We're not gonna use this camera no more. Yeah, it's cute. Okay, so Crystle, tell the audience a little bit about. You know, before we started working together, what was going on where you were like, you know what, I need to change something. What was going on? And the reason why I wanna do this with high achieving women is that, you know, I don't want you to tell all your business, which we talked about already, but we always think that we need to walk around and be perfect because we have these strong brands.

[00:03:53] And I don't want you to go all the way back cuz we ain't doing that today. But I do want to share, you know, we all have, something, we're all going through something. We all have challenges regardless of what our external appearances look like, and a lot of women suffocating in our success. So what were some of the things that were going on where you're like, you know what, I need to change. I need to do something different?

[00:04:15] CRYSTLE JOHNSON: Chow, I was raggedy , I mean real raggedy. I think when people saw me, they would think, Oh, Crystle has it all together. She has all the answers. And behind the curtain it was just raggedy, just stuff everywhere. It was not good. And actually, coming into coaching, I didn't have the self awareness that I needed coaching. Or that I needed to talk to someone.

[00:04:46] I was actually talking to my leader and she was telling me, Oh my goodness, you did such a great job. Like all these people gave you all these compliments. And I'm just sitting there like, But I didn't do enough. I could have done this, that, and the third. It wasn't perfect.

[00:05:00] I made a mistake here and da da da. And she was like, what? She was like, I don't, I'm not understanding why it is that you are speaking this way about yourself and not being kind to yourself because you're a rock star. And I'm like, well, it's good to hear that from you, but like all these other things that I said to bring myself down, and then even up until that point, I chased perfection.

[00:05:27] To me, perfection was real. It was possible. It was just something that everybody chased. I'm like, Isn't everybody's hair on fire? And in all actuality, everyone's hair is not on fire. But going back to that leader, she actually referred me to you, Christy. I had been watching you on LinkedIn for a while.

[00:05:46] But I didn't dare click on your website. Cause you were being really truthful and like calling people out. And I said to myself, I'm not ready for that yet. But when my leader suggested, because she had actually worked with you in the past, I jumped on the call, had the conversation with you, and you had me in tears on the very first call, the discovery call, not even the real coaching, the discovery call. So yeah, I was a mess.

[00:06:18] CHRISTY RUTHERFORD: Okay, so great. You publicly admitted you was raggedy, great. I wasn't gonna take you there. Right. But I love it. I love being

[00:06:26] CRYSTLE JOHNSON: raggedy. Ooh.

[00:06:30] CHRISTY RUTHERFORD: So, the thing about being raggedy is that I used to be raggedy. That's how I know what a raggedy person says. I was like, you'd be like, Oh girl, you need some help.

[00:06:38] You know, we can help you. You'd always be like this, you know, we can help you. Right. So what was it when you say I was calling you out, what were some of the things that I was saying that was hitting you? Like, oh my God, this lady, what were some of those things? Because I try to be transparent in my story because I want, Oh, Sarah's funny because I want women to see themselves in what I did because high achieving women, we do the exact same thing we do, I say to the T. So what were some of the things that I was saying that you felt called out on?

[00:07:10] CRYSTLE JOHNSON: Yeah, so I shared with you like how I grew up, that I'm adopted, that I'm the baby, that, you know, my parents expected all of these things from me, although, you know, they gave me what it was that they could they didn't graduate from high school even.

[00:07:26] So, they gave me all that they could and they were always like, well, if you get good grades, you do this. And you know, just chase perfection. Everything will be great. You'll have everything that you want. And we didn't grow up with a lot. So over the years I've taken those messages that I received from my parents of being perfect, of working hard, no matter how hard you have to work, keeping your head down those different messages and then just not having a lot.

[00:07:54] I ended up, working so hard and working myself in the ground so much that, what you called out was that I felt like I didn't have enough and that I wasn't gonna have enough, or I was gonna lose everything that I had. And that was the driving force behind why I was so raggedy and behind, why I just kept trying to chase perfection and do everything and reach everyone's expectations, whatever they were, even if they were unrealistic.

[00:08:25] And this was at work and in my private life where I just felt like if I don't do this, then I'm gonna lose everything. And when you called that out, the tears were just like straight ugly cry off, funeral cry. It was really bad.

[00:08:45] CHRISTY RUTHERFORD: So, but here's the thing. Are you a crier?

[00:08:49] CRYSTLE JOHNSON: Actually, I am a crier, but not in public. I would cry by myself, but I won't cry in front of a lot of people, but it's almost like I couldn't even hold it, and that continued even through coaching where I couldn't even hold the tears. It's like I didn't even care anymore about who saw me cry or why I was crying. I was just like, I need to release this because, It's heavy on me.

[00:09:16] CHRISTY RUTHERFORD: Yeah. So, what's funny is Crystle, I wrote down is like, you see me, and that's the thing is that we're walking around and I was talking to somebody this morning, we're suffocating in our success, and people are applauding it. They're like, Keep going, girl. You're doing so good.

[00:09:33] And you're like, you know, like, I'm not doing enough. I'm not enough. And you're suffocating on dry land, people are applauding you, standing around, applauding your demise. Does that make sense? And so I saw you and I was like, you knew we could help you, Right? You're like, Oh my God, somebody sees me, ohhh.

[00:09:57] CRYSTLE JOHNSON: Thank you for seeing me. I needed to be seen seriously. Cause Raggedy y'all.

[00:10:04] CHRISTY RUTHERFORD: So talk to the listeners about, because you already know that we are a product of our environment and a large part of the challenges that we have today is from the programming from our parents. Right. And you talked about, they said work hard and you know, keep your head down.

[00:10:22] How did that affect, how you showed up at work? Regardless of the impressive background that you had because you're doing this, they're all these big companies and you're making an impact. So what was going on as you're working and you're getting these awards, cuz I know you got a million of them, I still be reading them right now with regard how you saw yourself.

[00:10:47] CRYSTLE JOHNSON: How I showed up at work was literally saying yes to everything. No matter what it was, no matter if I was already like 200% overfilled on the plate, I would still say yes, because I felt like if I said no, that no would then be my demise. I would lose everything. That was what I was assuming and thinking and how I saw myself was that even though, you know, I did good over here.

[00:11:19] Well, tomorrow, if I don't do well, then that's just gonna tear down my whole reputation, my brand, like everything will be for nothing. So I always saw myself as not doing enough, not saying yes enough, even though I was saying yes to everything, just unreasonable. Just a rational thinking, , I was just irrational and I have no idea how I'd lived in that for so long, that level of chaos and thinking that if I don't do all of this stuff, no matter how that leaves me feeling at the end of the day, then I'm nothing. I'm not enough.

[00:12:04] CHRISTY RUTHERFORD: So really it's, you know, is what Kathy and I talked about last week. You're in survivor mode.

[00:12:10] CRYSTLE JOHNSON: All the time.

[00:12:13] CHRISTY RUTHERFORD: And I remember telling you it don't matter how much money you make, it won't be enough. Cuz you didn't feel like you ever had enough. You could be making $2 million and, it would not compute in your mind that you've made it. So chase and perfection. Right? And living in survival mode is how a lot of, and I ain't gonna say a lot, but a lot of women that I talked to, that's how we made it.

[00:12:39] We running from something, we're running from something and we're running and we're making money and we're getting these degrees and we're checking these boxes so we don't have to go back to something and so you run so far, so long that you forgot why you even running. Cause you made it. You never stop to collect the things that you've done. So when do you rest?

[00:13:05] CRYSTLE JOHNSON: Facts. Facts. And it's like, I've seen this quote on Instagram like several times. It's like, remember that you're living in the dream that you prayed for before. And it's like, wait a minute. Yes. If I just take a moment to just pause. I achieved what I set out to achieve a long time ago, like five achievements ago.

[00:13:30] I've already done it already, but for some reason because of, you know, the expectations that are placed on us in the institutions that we work in, as well as just our families in general, our friend group, we feel like we have to keep going. Like the hustle is the thing. Like you just have to keep hustling. If you aren't hustling, then what are you doing? And that's just. It's irrational. It's irrational.

[00:13:53] CHRISTY RUTHERFORD: I love how you can laugh about it now because this is no laugh and matter because a lot of women are there.

[00:14:01] CRYSTLE JOHNSON: Yeah.

[00:14:03] CHRISTY RUTHERFORD: And to see the insanity of what we created, cuz we blame in other people. Of course it's them. They're working us today. They're giving us too much to do. They won't stop asking me. What was one thing? Or I would say, What was the biggest aha moment? And I know you have like a culmination, but what was the one thing that clicked in your head that made a difference or the one habit where you said, I can now rest?

[00:14:28] CRYSTLE JOHNSON: Yeah. I think the aha moment to me was that I don't have to live this way. Like realizing, So when it comes to like self care in general, I feel like, I was soothing myself, so I was like, I have to go out into the world. I have these relationships with these people, whether it's my family, my friend group at work, I have to deal with all of these things.

[00:14:52] They're gonna come towards me anyway. Like, have to accept them. I have to be standing here. I can't set boundaries around them. So what I have to do for self care? It's actually soothe myself. So do I go get a massage? Do I sit in quiet? What is it that I'm gonna do to soothe myself from all this stuff that I'm experiencing from all of these people?

[00:15:17] What I realized through coaching is I don't gotta do that. Like, I don't have to have a relationship with you, whether you're my family, whether you're my friend, whether you're even like in my professional circle. I don't have to have a relationship with you. I don't have to accept heavy stuff from you.

[00:15:37] I don't have to accept you dumping on me. Like I don't have to accept any of that. That is self care. Self care is saying, I'm worth more and I'm not dealing with this. And I think that was the biggest aha moment. It's like, no, you don't have to stand there and like take on all these people's stuff. You can set a boundary and teach people how to treat you.

[00:16:01] And that is your self care. You should need, It's nice to get massages, it's nice to have champagne. It's nice to go on staycations, but you should not be doing all of that stuff to like release yourself from all the other crap that's going on in your life. Like you need to release yourself from those people that are bringing you that terrible vibe that are bringing, just, just bringing you down altogether.

[00:16:27] CHRISTY RUTHERFORD: Whew. I had to stop dancing. I started sweating. None of my liking.

[00:16:37] CRYSTLE JOHNSON: It's really, it's super small now.

[00:16:40] CHRISTY RUTHERFORD: And y'all didn't catch what she said. She said, I don't have to live this way. That is the revelation of like the millennium. Because we feel like we can't stop. We have to listen to people complain and dump on us for commonality, no or for friendship or for relationships.

[00:17:08] If I don't stop and listen to her going through what she's going through, she's not gonna like me. I don't care.

[00:17:15] CRYSTLE JOHNSON: I don't care. I don't care.

[00:17:19] CHRISTY RUTHERFORD: I told this guy other day, he was trying to kick it at the grocery store, you know, cuz I'm cute, right? And I like to run game on people.

[00:17:24] CRYSTLE JOHNSON: You are cute.

[00:17:26] CHRISTY RUTHERFORD: Thank you ma'am. You look fine too. So, but this, don't let your wife get on here and get me. I'm just giving her a compliment as a coach that she looks great. Okay, great. Let's move on. Let her know.

[00:17:42] But he was talking and I like to be respectful to people who wanna have a conversation with me up to a certain point. And so when he got to the point I was like, You know what? This conversation is creating pain for me. That's my new thing. He was like, And Crystle, I don't remember what happened.

[00:18:02] He magically disappeared from my existence. I was like, Yeah, this conversation is creating pain for me. That's my indication that it's time for me to leave because I don't have to stand here and talk to you.

[00:18:14] CRYSTLE JOHNSON: I don't have to.

[00:18:15] CHRISTY RUTHERFORD: We don't, we don't have to put up with that. So talk to us about, you said your girlfriends when you get healed and, I'm not bashing women. Right. Because a lot of us, I used to go through stuff. And before I felt down, if you would've told me that I needed to change, I probably would've punched you in the face and cuss you. I'd be like, get out of my face, I'm winning. So how does that change, you know, your transformation? Cuz you look completely different. I'm gonna need my phone after picture though.

[00:18:41] But how does it change your perception in how other women are showing up? Because once you start thriving, you start to see most women are one click away from crazy and, are just, they're a survival mode. So what have you seen in other women?

[00:19:00] CRYSTLE JOHNSON: Raggedyness, the same level of raggedy that I had, if not worse. And being raggedy, just people who, or my friends who will spend hours upon hours talking about the same thing, the same situation. That they've been in forever, that they've said they're gonna leave. Whether it be like a partner or a job, just continue to reel about it, like over and over and over again, and not actually have the mindset of abundance of where I don't have to stand. I don't have to stand here. I'll take this. I can actually do this instead. I think what I had to stop myself from doing with my friends initially, before I felt like I was in a healed space, was not try to solve their problems cause I couldn't take on their healing and my healing at the same time.

[00:19:56] So one of the things that I have done is shared your book, shames plug Trauma Default with some of my friends, even with my sister, and was like, Hey, like take a look at this book, read it. And I feel like they got a lot out of it. So when I couldn't be there for them to like sit in it with them, I'm like, Read this girl and see how it helps you.

[00:20:17] And what I've continue to do is just share some of the things that I've learned. Tried to help them to shift their mindset, to think about what can they do? What is the solution, not what is the problem, Like how long can we reel about this? How long am I gonna stress about it? But what is the solution to the thing that I've been complaining about for years, probably.

[00:20:41] So that's been helpful for a lot of people that I've been around, but then there have been people that I had to let go. People that would not want to hear that they're raggedy, people who don't wanna hear I'm in a different mind space. I can't sit here and allow you to dump on me in this way because you're bringing me down.

[00:21:05] Like my vibe is up here and you bringing me all the way down here, girl. So I'm gonna need you to get it together. Still respect. All of my friends love them dearly, and I think that we all go through our own journey. However, it's important to recognize that if something is bringing you down, then you have to separate yourself from it and really just wish them well on their journey going forward.

[00:21:30] I mean, you're gonna be able to help who you can help, and those who you can't. You just can't, that it goes back to perfection. Like, I'm not gonna be able to do everything. I can't fix everything. But I can try to connect you with the tools that you need to try to shift your mindset and get better.

[00:21:49] CHRISTY RUTHERFORD: Ooh, that's good. That's good. Like, you know, and not at Doreen, I want you to expand on the question that you asked, how pressure plays on them, how the pressure plays on them, and here's the thing, if I wake up in the morning, I'm having a great day. I had a friend who called me balling 8:30 in the morning.

[00:22:06] I'm having a perfect perky day. I had my coffee and she was balling, hey, look Chris about something we talked about four times already. So I was like, Hey man, look I'm not that friend for you. You dump on. I'm having a great day. That is selfish. I'm not going to take on your energy and your negativity in this moment because you didn't take action on what we've talked about four times.

[00:22:33] So if you wanna cry, call so and so, so and so and so and so. Now, if you wanna solve this thing and if you really wanna take action, which one do you want? Let's talk about it. She said, I wanna change it. I said, Okay, well call me back in 10 minutes and we gonna create a game plan. She called me back 10 minutes.

[00:22:53] We set up the plan. 12 o'clock she's sitting at her desk with her power food. We carried a plan, she executed at five. But this is the thing ladies and gentlemen, when we're talking about taking breaks, we gonna get to taking breaks. But there is something that has to happen before you even give yourself permission to take a break, because that sounds so elementary and it's not.

[00:23:14] So it is your responsibility to manage energy and we can't keep blaming other people for blowing a hole in our whole day, cuz I'm gonna have a terrible day if I take that energy on. Can you explain just a little bit more about that? Because, you know, maybe I should have called this, I don't know what this is gonna be until we get into it, but the power of self care when it comes to friends and what we're responsible for, like, you are responsible for your energy and I give to my friends, but to a certain point. Does that make sense? Can you expand a little bit more about that?

[00:23:56] CRYSTLE JOHNSON: Yeah. I feel like before I was healed, I would give everything to everybody. So I ended up being a shell of myself. So for all these years I've given and given and given and pour and pour and pour to people.

[00:24:13] And then obviously 2020 happened. We were all there. We don't have to go back. But doing the work that I do in the DEI space, it got even worse. Like I just was pouring, and pouring and pouring, like I was so exhausted. I was literally a shell of myself. I was walking around in a body, but it was like my soul wasn't there.

[00:24:32] Like I just, my heart wasn't in it anymore. I just couldn't deal. I was literally on the phone with people who were complaining about something for, you know, the fourth time at least, and just like sitting there listening, obviously taking it on, but just not even listening, just like, just sitting there empty and it was heartbreaking.

[00:24:58] To see myself go from being energetic and happy in the life of the party to just like nothing. Like I just felt wasted away. And after going through coaching, I feel more clear about the type of energy that I want around me, the type of people that I want around me. And what those people have to be focused on.

[00:25:24] So like I said before, like being solution oriented, having an abundance mindset, or at least having the ability to get there. Those are the types of people that I want around me. So if I'm around a person who isn't lifting me up, or we're not mutually lifting one another up in some sort of way.

[00:25:45] Then that's not a relationship that I can be a part of. And yeah, it's hard to tell somebody that, hey, I know we've been friends for X amount of time, but this is a transformation that I've gone through and this is just not a healthy space for me. This is what I'm able to give, and it doesn't seem like it's what you need right now.

[00:26:05] Maybe you need X, Y, and Z, still love you, but I'm gonna prioritize myself. And that's not just friends, that's family too, anybody. It doesn't matter who the person is. You have to be willing to put yourself first. And I actually read another book recently that really just summed it up for me. It's called Heart Talk by Cleo Wade.

[00:26:29] And I listened to it on Audible cuz you know, I don't like flipping pages, even though I flipped your pages. I listen to it on Audible and it was like every single section she went through and she writes kind of like you do like in story form of like, you know, this situation. Boom, boom, boom.

[00:26:49] So I love the book. And it really helped me to think about the fact that it's fine to put yourself first. It's not mean, it's not selfish, it's not any of those things because what you're trying to do is put good out into the world. You're trying to be positive, you're trying to have good vibes only, and if the people around you aren't doing that, if they aren't able to live in that way, then you just have to separate yourself.

[00:27:16] And again, it is not always pleasant. Sometimes it hurts. But you know, it is what it is. I've even had some people disconnect from me and then try to come back later, and I'm just like, Yeah, no, no.

[00:27:38] CHRISTY RUTHERFORD: I love all the energy that you're putting out because you're so absolute and definite, right? Napoleon Hill says, definiteness of decision requires courage, sometimes very great courage. So you're definite in how you want to feel now you become possible for getting to what you've decided you're going to do.

[00:28:00] So what's one action that the ladies and gentlemen can take to be able to, to come out of being raggedy. And into, you know, how can they get a little bit of air? Cause it takes a lot. Like, did you understand a completely separate question. We'll come back to that, but did you understand the layering of the work that it took to get to where you are right now?

[00:28:26] And always say that you already have peace. Somebody told me this morning she was looking for peace. I'm like, you know, you have peace. It's just buried under stuff. Like, you have happiness, you have joy, you have love, you have these things, they're just under stuff. So give a little bit of insight into the layering process that it takes to get to freedom, because I don't wanna psych people out and be like, Oh, it's one thing. No, ain't no hack .

[00:28:54] CRYSTLE JOHNSON: Yeah. Y'all gotta go back like, and well, like we talked about in the beginning, your upbringing makes such an impression on you, and it makes an impression even when you don't think, you know, even when you think that your childhood was amazing, you think, Oh, my parents were great. They did everything they could.

[00:29:15] I was not abused. There's still stuff that's there, that's existing. There are experiences that you've had that had an impact on you and how you show up today. So it takes a lot to go back there, especially if you're like me and you're like, Yeah, I don't remember anything . I don't know.

[00:29:36] Everything was great. I don't know what you're talking about. Like, I have no idea. Like, you actually have to do digging to understand what did I experience growing up? What types of messages was I sent directly and indirectly, how have the relationships that I've been in contributed to how I show up today?

[00:29:57] And am I willing to look myself in the face, in the mirror and say, I need help. I'm raggedy. Like, am I gonna hold myself accountable or am I gonna continue to say, as you said before, Christy, that it's everybody else's problem. Everybody else is doing all these things to me, and I'm just a victim of my circumstances, and you aren't a victim of your circumstances.

[00:30:18] There is so much that you can do. To be free, but you have to be willing to take accountability for your stuff, and you have to be willing to just take a look back and be honest with yourself about what you've experienced, how that may have impacted you, and how it's impacting how you show up right now.

[00:30:44] CHRISTY RUTHERFORD: So I love it. Let's talk about the imposter syndrome right quick, right? Because. I remember when we first started talking, you were like, I can't remember what happened before I was six. I was like, Oh, really? You know, I get curious because a lot of times, you know, when we talk about career coaching and yes, I love the career part, but what's the point of getting the money If you still crazy, what's the point of getting the money if you're still viable mode?

[00:31:10] Because who you are now, you're gonna take that person into the next opportunity that you have. And so talk about the imposter syndrome, you know, what you thought it was in the beginning because it's a corporate term that's that's thrown around and what you understand it to be now?

[00:31:28] CRYSTLE JOHNSON: Yeah, I think back then I felt like imposter syndrome was real and I felt like it was all the people around me who were in higher positions of power, who set these unrealistic expectations, who did all of these things to me to make me feel like I was an imposter, that it didn't have anything to do with me and how I saw myself, that it just, it didn't have anything to do with anything. Like, I was just like, oh, it's them. It's not me.

[00:31:59] Now, I don't even feel like imposter syndrome is a thing. And I credit Jodi Ann Burey, I hope I'm saying her name correctly with that and her TED talk. So if you haven't listened to it, please go ahead and take a look at it. But at this point I'm like, Is this real or no? Like I'm not. I have the power right now to make decisions for myself.

[00:32:32] Yes, environments can be terrible. People can be horrible. They can set unrealistic expectations. They can do all the things that I was just talking about. However, now I'm just like, but I have power too. I'm not gonna lose everything. If I say no, I can easily go find another job tomorrow. Do you know who you are?

[00:32:59] Like it's just kind of just like, wait, am I gonna allow other people to tell me what it is that I can do, where it is that I can be, how far I can grow, how much money I can make? Am I gonna allow somebody else to tell me that? Or am I gonna lean on myself and my own power bet on myself? and then we don't even have to have this conversation about feeling like an imposter because I belong there and I have the power to make the decisions about where it is that I wanna be, how it is that I wanna show up, and how I wanna feel and get rid of the rest of the stuff that's not serving me.

[00:33:41] CHRISTY RUTHERFORD: Woo. Yes. Crystle ain't running for president Mr. Van Randall. But where you at? So you said something powerful because you said, I'm not gonna lose everything tomorrow if I say no. And so, so many women are volunteer victims. I'm like, you a hostage, you a volunteer hostage, in your job because you're putting up with working three times is hard getting all these projects, but you're saying yes and in your mind what they're not realizing. It goes back to being a survival mode. If I say no, I'm gonna get fired. If I ask for a raise, they're going to fire me and I'm gonna lose everything like that fear is what's holding you to where you are. To not even ask for a raise. If I ask my boss for a raise, he's gonna get mad and he's gonna fire me and lose everything tomorrow.

[00:34:37] CRYSTLE JOHNSON: Yes. My thing was, I was like, if I get fired, like if I do this, I'm gonna get fired. I'm gonna be homeless. I'm gonna be without a home.

[00:34:45] I'm gonna be living on the street. Like, it was so extreme and just so irrational. And it's like, if that's how you're thinking right now, that if you say no, or if you stand up for yourself, if you set boundaries, if you are assertive, that somehow the world, your whole world is gonna come crashing down.

[00:35:06] Just stop. Stop it. It's irrational. You are driving yourself mad for no reason. For no reason at all. If someone cannot understand that you are setting a boundary, a clear boundary, a healthy boundary for them, that's on them. That's not on you.

[00:35:28] CHRISTY RUTHERFORD: That's so good. Y'all gotta let us know if y'all have any questions. We have about nine minutes left. Okay, Vagarian, guilty. Talk to the listeners about the power of a group of women of, you know, because I talk to women and I don't really publicize all the time that we have a group coach program because some women are just completely against it. Because they've been in bad groups. So, give me your insight cuz you got excited with Gary lit up cuz we know we're Gary, she's amazing of the power of being around like-minded women who are, you know, we're looking to be better. What are your thoughts around that?

[00:36:03] CRYSTLE JOHNSON: Listen. That group, Let me tell you, was amazing. Everyone in the group was completely supportive. Everyone in the group was completely open to being transparent about what they had experienced, the outcomes they had seen. They were transparent about being accountable to themselves.

[00:36:28] They were transparent about their home life, work life like everyone was just completely open. And I think for me, and I'm not gonna go into detail, I know Christy, when you go into detail, but being in that group, I had no idea what my earning potential was. Just no clue. I thought I knew, but then after being in the group I was like, wait a minute, I can ask for that?

[00:36:55] Is that even reasonable? Is someone gonna actually say yes to that? Does that happen? So being in the group allowed me to better understand what were the possibilities that were out there, that were outside of anything I could ever think of, or even people in my friend group, because I went to the group.

[00:37:16] You're talking about numbers, We all throw out numbers out there. I'm like, Oh wait, okay. I'm gonna do that. Then I talked to my friend about it. One of my friends that I respect a lot, like she's my favorite, she's been in HR forever. And I told her, I said, well, I think this is what I'm gonna do. Like this is what I'm gonna ask for.

[00:37:34] And she said, Good luck with that. And I was like, wasn't expecting that from her, but okay. But I said, I'm still gonna ask. I'm like, There were like, 10 women on this call. We're all convinced. We know, like we are living in an abundance mindset. We're like, we're going after it, X, Y, and Z. I'm like, I respect this person.

[00:37:59] Yes, I know them personally, but I'm gonna go with these 10 women over here and see what happens. And I came out on top just sticking with what it was that I felt like I knew. Based on those relationships with the women who were there in group coaching. So if you're thinking about group coaching and you feel like you're not gonna have enough time with the facilitator or with the trainer, Christy or whomever, if you feel like being in a group is gonna make you too vulnerable, too naked, do it anyway.

[00:38:33] It's a great experience and you learn so much from other people that you could not possibly learn all of it just in a one to one coaching environment.

[00:38:46] CHRISTY RUTHERFORD: Yeah, that's good. That's good. All right, so the last question is, talk to us about you. Cause what we got to in the end, right after we've cleaned you up, dusted you off, you got the new amazing opportunity that you're in right now. Not leaving the old behind stepping into the new, now it comes to taking breaks and that was like something that, you know, always like the focus on what was the hardest habit for you to create and after you're free. So talk to us about, you know, the habit and the need for you know, setting those boundaries and taking breaks.

[00:39:27] CRYSTLE JOHNSON: Yeah. The first thing I'll say is I'm not perfect, y'all. So there are still times where I set a boundary, well, not a boundary, but a time for a break and I go over it. So perfection isn't real. I just wanna lay that down really quick. But the thing that I've been able to do is just set specific times where I'm gonna be online or not online.

[00:39:49] I work a certain set of hours. If it's a regular day, obviously if there are important priorities that come up, yes, you're gonna work longer, you're gonna have to do a bit more than you would normally do, but I have set, start and finish hours, especially when it comes to Fridays. I'm not gonna be online forever just for anyone to ping me, to ask me to do anything in the world after five o'clock.

[00:40:17] I set times for breaks during the day, especially for meditation. And that's another thing that I learned a lot about in session as well, is taking that time to pause and actually meditate and breathe because you would not even realize how many times per day if you just are intentionally tracking that you're not breathing.

[00:40:40] You're literally sitting there, not breathing. Because you are so caught up in whatever it is that you're trying to achieve or be perfect around. So setting like a couple of times a day where I literally meditate and, I use Headspace. There are obviously very many apps online as well.

[00:41:01] Calm is good too. As things that you can leverage to meditate, actually use Peloton too, shout out to Peloton . But it's really awesome to take that time during the day and say, I'm gonna take five minutes here and there. This is when my lunch is gonna be, this is when I'm gonna start and finish. And then also making time for yourself to get the things done.

[00:41:21] You need to get done throughout the day too, because I know I'm not the only person who will look at your calendar and you're like, Man, I'm in meetings back to back to back to back to back all day. So you actually have to set time for yourself to actually do the work that you need to do as well during the day.

[00:41:38] Otherwise, that will require that on the back end. You're working after hours, and that's something that I used to do. I would be on calls from nine to six, and then I would do work, the things that I couldn't do because I was on the phone all day after work, and then I would be sitting in my office until 11 or 12 o'clock at night and my wife would be snoring in the bed.

[00:42:01] By the time I got down there. So, you wanna make time for the people that you love. So you have to set up your day in a way where you can get your work done and also take the breaks that you need in order to show up in a way that really shows your power and your light and what you're able to do, and how you're able to add value. I feel like I just rambled, but.

[00:42:23] CHRISTY RUTHERFORD: No, that was good. That was good. No, and cause we're coming times to the end. Your sugar's low. You need to snack. I didn't drain your head. You need to meditate. So last question, but here's the thing I remember go Yolanda, so I appreciate everybody sharing their comments. I appreciate y'all joining us and learning from this amazing DEI icon. Let's be clear, we're on the line with an icon.

[00:42:50] Queen Fairy C. We're gonna have to get you in your wings. So, I remember when we were talking because anytime you walk into a new organization or a new opportunity, you have to like work, work, work to prove, prove, prove, and do all these things. And so you were starting to get stressed out again, and we talked about.

[00:43:06] Put some times on your calendar and send reminders for you to breathe. Like you gotta set that on your clock, otherwise the day is gonna pass and it's gonna be over. Or set the times, like clear times when you will and will not work. And again, it's not perfect, but at least you have something to shoot towards. And surprisingly people respected it.

[00:43:27] Like, when you set the boundary, people said, Okay. When you said, I'm going to eat lunch from this time to this time because you're still virtual, do not call me. They said, Okay. So what was the power of that as we close out to this lady? This is funny cuz you're gonna love it.

[00:43:47] And I'm laughing because of my nonresponse, but she asked me a question on an article like a week ago and was like, is my organization responsible for my mental health? They should wanna be responsible because of the insurance. I have not been able to craft a proper response to that question.

[00:44:07] Cause lady, you just gotta follow me a little bit longer cuz I don't believe in that. So what are your thoughts around it? What's the piece of advice that you can give people around when you set the boundary? People were respected, but we doing it and then blaming them for crossing a line that we haven't even drawn.

[00:44:27] CRYSTLE JOHNSON: Yeah. So to her question, I think your organization should care about your mental health, of course. But if they don't, the person who is ultimately responsible is you for your own mental health. So you have to think about the things that you need. How you wanna experience work? How is it that you wanna feel?

[00:44:49] What are the boundaries that you wanna set? Like, what are good times for you and times that aren't good? And maybe you do like account for, you know, very important meetings that happen at certain points during the day, but you have to make time for you. You have to center yourself. And then anything else, anybody else that cares about your mental health is a bonus.

[00:45:09] So, like I said, yes, they should care, of course, but ultimately it is all on you. Set the boundaries and then watch them work because when you tell people how to treat you, then they will do it. And if they don't wanna do it, that's fine. Byee. That's it. Like I don't, at this point, I'm like, it's a no brainer.

[00:45:33] But before, if I would've heard someone say this to me, I would be like, Yeah, right. That's not even possible. I'm gonna get fired and be without a home tomorrow if I did that. And it's like, no, you actually aren't.

[00:45:48] CHRISTY RUTHERFORD: I'm gonna be, they gonna come take everything tomorrow. Tomorrow.

[00:45:53] CRYSTLE JOHNSON: Exactly. And Christy, I know that we are over time, but I want to shout out my friend Brittany Janay, who launched her liberated love notes. And I want to read one of them and, because we were talking about taking a break today, the liberated love notes that I got for today.

[00:46:10] CHRISTY RUTHERFORD: I love those.

[00:46:10] CRYSTLE JOHNSON: I'm a little bright. But it is, my power is infinite. My energy is not, I deserve rest. I'm owed rest. I do not need to earn rest. So you don't need to earn it. You deserve it. Rest.

[00:46:26] CHRISTY RUTHERFORD: She was outta stock when I tried to get mine. Tell Brittany to stop playing. I gotta click on this thing I need some of them love notes.

[00:46:36] Well, great. Thank you so much. What's the Liberated Love Notes website?

[00:46:43] CRYSTLE JOHNSON: It is BrittanyJanay.com and she has several different products. She actually has a sweatshirt that says America Doesn't Deserve Black people that I love. And the liberated love notes.

[00:46:56] CHRISTY RUTHERFORD: Okay. So thank you so much, Crystle. If y'all want to get a little bit more insight on what we do, you can get my free case study at ChangeNowWithChristy.com.

[00:47:05] But I do wanna thank this icon for sharing her wisdom, her insight, her amazing queen fairy c energy with the world. Thank you so much, Crystal. Thanks everybody for joining us. We will see y'all next Friday.

[00:47:17] CRYSTLE JOHNSON: Thanks everybody.

[00:47:18] CHRISTY RUTHERFORD: Thank you.

[00:47:19] Thank you for joining. Be sure to subscribe to this podcast and leave us a review if you love this episode, follow Christy on Instagram and LinkedIn, and don't forget to get her free gift by texting, "ChangeNow" all one word. Again, "ChangeNow" to 66866. Until next time, go out and win bigger.