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[Music]

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This week on the show, Tog shares what happened during the potato incident at

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apocalypse.cloud, that one that shook up Gragelton

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east and west, but mostly east. And stick around to the end to hear what's next

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for Tog and Gragelton here on StereoQuest.

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[Music]

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You're on 101.7 FM the Grac in the final radio show for Unfuck Your Life with Me,

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Tog Chesterfield. I've told you about all the ways I tried to pick up those pieces

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and fix my life after hitting rock bottom after I lost my job.

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Unfuck Your Life with Tog Chesterfield.

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Welcome to the show. Right now it's uh 5.06 pm. I'll be with you here for your

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commute tonight or while you prepare your dinner, and delicious I'm sure, or while you try to

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remember how friendship bracelets were made. The wide ones that were more than a simple

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braid, you know, the ones with the knots in a pattern. I'm your uninvited guest for the evening,

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or invited if you chose to tune in to our last show to hear about the potato incident.

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I took you along this ride as I tried making a sourdough starter business,

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and then a vegan jerky one. I dabbled in instant coffee and then being a human version of a dog

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clown. I even did stand-up comedy, and I sure had a lot of roommates until Parker Spoon arrived.

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But finally I started the Gragleton Gazette, and really connecting with the people who live in

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this town, and finally figuring out what I wanted out of life. I think maybe, for now anyway, listener,

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I've unfucked my life. And I told you about most of the things that got me here, but I left out

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one part of that story. Right back in the first show I heard of Unfuck Your Life here on 101.7

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FM, the Grag. I still need to tell you about the potato incident. What triggered all of this to

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happen to me? What caused that descent to rock bottom in the first place?

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Oh, hi.

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Come here, honey, come here.

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Hey, Linda's bigot. Linda's bigot.

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I was hoping I'd catch you at the market today.

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Good to see you.

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I have a peri-bolka potato, one that looks just like Richard Grico, the guy from 21 Jump Street.

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Oh, wow. Well, I guess so. It does look like it's brooding, doesn't it?

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Yeah, I mean, look, this skin. Right there, it looks like a leather jacket, too.

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Oh, wow. And the sprouts there. I see it. I really, I see that, Linda.

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You're a fan of those old TV show stock and you're always doing that mashed potato gravy stuff.

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Oh.

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But off is yours. So I thought you'd take it. Take it. Here, take it.

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Oh, thank you. Thank you, Linda.

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So later that week, I post a potato on all of our social media accounts with a caption in the form of a haiku.

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The tuber appears, giving me 90s heartthrob. Grico or spud.

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Oh, wait. At first we need to do a quick break. This is Unfuck Your Life with Todd Chesterfield.

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We'll be back before you know it with more potatoes.

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Unfuck Your Life with Todd Chesterfield.

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Back to the show. So the haiku post about Richard Grico was a success, especially on LinkedIn,

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which was weird, but social media is what it is, I guess. More potatoes started to appear,

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and every potato variety that landed on my desk or in my mailbox at home captured a different era.

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I got Yukon Gold potatoes looking like Booker era, Grico. I got a whole bunch of those submitted.

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I got an Alliston potato with his If Looks Could Kill expression.

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I got some red Norland potatoes resembling his modeling days.

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I posted all of them with new haikus like this one.

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Yukon Gold spuds here looking like Booker's Grico. Star and soil merge.

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I added the hashtag #gricotubers, and that's when my posts really started trending in Gragleton.

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And I started getting so many potatoes sent to the office from excited locals. It was getting hard

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to keep up with them. Listen, Ronald, I have a preservation protocol, so please don't touch

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these potatoes right here on the right side of the fridge. But this is the only fridge,

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at work, for our lunches' talk. Well, human oils like the ones from your hands, Ronald,

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compromise a potato's integrity, and I need them climate-controlled so they don't sprout or rot

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or get ruined, especially these Allistons. I'm not sure that that's science talk. I mean,

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listen, there isn't any space left on any side of the fridge interior. But I need to photograph

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them again, looking the same at a new angle for the campaign, like the original shot, but with

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different lighting. Oh, yeah, I'm just gonna try to see if it'll fit in here in the door.

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This is an Apocalypse.Cloud emergency broadcast. I'm not even sure if this thing is working out

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there. If you can hear me, we've never had to use this thing before. Please refrain from storing

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nonessential root vegetables in company fridges. This is being an Apocalypse.Cloud broadcast.

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And I started carefully photographing and cataloging every Grico potato I received.

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I tracked the facial features by potato variety, and I cross-referenced each Grico era in my spreadsheet.

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And then the rumors and stories started to spread in Gragleton as I kept putting more posts online.

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There was a rumor that Grico once filmed a motorcycle commercial in Outer Grac.

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And Joe Roost, my former roommate, said that their aunt dated Grico when he passed through town in 1991.

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And pastel pumpernickel named a sourdough starter if looks could leaven and scored the top of a loaf

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to look just like his face. That wasn't a rumor, pastel posted it online. It was very popular.

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But the things that were rumors, I just leaned into those, true or not. And I kept

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GricoTubers trending locally for weeks. Things suddenly changed, both for me and for Apocalypse.Cloud.

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I thought the work really mattered to me and to the company too. I thought it was

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everything young tog, the one from the box that I told you about last time.

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I thought it was everything young tog was looking for. I was productive and the people were happy

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with the work and I thought that Gragleton loved it. I didn't realize it, but I started

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measuring my worth by those engagement numbers and all the metrics. Not whether I was having fun or

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growing or that any of this mattered. And listener, you know how I have sense learned that it's not

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great to define our self-worth through external validation like that. But that's what I was

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doing back then. And then the Grico potato promotion, well, it started to take a dip.

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People got bored with my Gricos, so I needed a new hit.

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I found this potato tog in our last shipment of potatoes. It looks like Bon Jovi from the

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official music video for the Power Ballad, Wanted Dead or Alive. Oh, Dan, wasn't that video in

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monochrome though? This looks like a ruby, pulsiverse, blue-nosier potato. That is correct.

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The potato has some scarring on the skin here that looks like a bandana, like the one Bon Jovi

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tended to wear, I presume, primarily for theatrical purposes, including in the music video for the

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Power Ballad, Wanted Dead or Alive. Here, you can take it for your work thing that you do with

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potatoes if you want. You're just putting it in my pocket. Okay, thanks, Dan. Maybe I can make a new

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campaign with this. I got Marianne Foot to make a potato-sized Bon Jovi wig, the one that she

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talked about when I interviewed her for the Grakelton Gazette. She actually wrote a tutorial

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about that wig and got really well known in the extra extra small wig niche, which is most popular

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amongst cat enthusiasts. But unlike the Grico potatoes that people just started sending me from

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all over Grakelton, instead, this time, I started looking for potatoes that resembled Bon Jovi myself.

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I got a professional lighting rig set up at the office that made the potatoes look even more

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Bon Jovi-esque. Finally, I posted two images side by side and I wrote,

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"Greekos quiet cool. Bon Jovi's stadium roar. Both icons endure."

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No one liked it. It was a complete failure.

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I was looking for validation, trying to keep the attention pouring in, but it was certainly

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not authentic. I didn't even know what glam metal was. I'm more of a bubblegum funk fan.

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Instead of discovery, instead of engaging Grakelton, I was trying to manufacture it using

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whatever I could find. I was trying to force fun. And you don't force fun in comedy. I learned that

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both in dog clown school and stand-up classes. And it doesn't work well in social media either.

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But listener things, well, they got worse. Since West Grake was known for their affection of 21

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Jump Street, East Grake thought that apocalypse dog cloud, or me, dog, was making fun of them with an

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early glam metal band, more akin to pop, and often referred to in a derogatory sense as a hair band.

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Oh, I just heard that. Hair band.

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Hi, Carol Dirtnatt from Lower East Grake just saw Tog's ridiculous Bon Jovi potato campaign on

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LinkedIn. And I just had to call your support line immediately as a proud Razor fan, because I live

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south of 53rd, of course. Razor. Razor. I'm personally offended. Like, that Tog would associate, I guess,

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like any part of Grakeleton with hair metal when everyone knows we stand for proper thrash here.

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I mean, you gave, like, West Grake a Greco campaign, and then you gave us East Grake

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fucking Bon Jovi for fuck's sake. Swish to Razor Theme Potatoes Apocalypse Dog Cloud. Bye.

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Um, Tog. Tog. This is, um, Carl Ballet from Northeast Grake. I think, I think we met once,

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near the cheese section of bulk bins, or whatever.

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Um, your Bon Jovi thing, dude, that's pretty lame, Tog. I mean, as a rush man, because I'm north of 3rd

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and Dennis Street, of course, I mean. I, dude, I, I can't believe you'd promote a guy,

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or I guess, potato or whatever, in this case. Like, who only knows 3 chords?

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I, dude, I'm gonna boycott your LinkedIn page. Page. It's whatever it is on LinkedIn,

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unless you pivot to rush. I boycott your product to the Apocalypse Dog Cloud, but I

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honestly, I have no fucking idea what you sell or do.

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Tog. It's Rick Bannister. I, um, just wanted to leave you a, um, a voice message because I'm

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about to send you an email, and I want you to know, I want you to know, so this is, uh, what I'm gonna do.

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I'm gonna walk over to my computer, and I'm gonna open up, uh, Netscape Navigator, and I'm gonna, um,

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compose a, uh, uh, voice, uh, note message email, and I'm gonna send it, let me see,

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what's the time, let me look. You've got mail. Tog. Tog, it's Rick Bannister from Central East

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Grac here. Uh, I just moved east of Larch Street, so annihilator fan now instead of rush.

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Tog, I'm emailing you this voice note. Actually, Tog, I hope that you got my voice message with

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that time estimate of when, when, when, when, when you'd, when I'd send this email before you got it.

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Um, I know how you hate to be surprised by emails coming in, so I need that, I did that forewarning

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for you, Tog. I hope you appreciate it. Anyway, I guess this Tog is what you would call a tangent.

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That's so back to what I'm emailing you this voice note for. I wanted to bring your attention,

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Tog, Tog, that I unfollowed Apocalypse Clouds LinkedIn. That is it, a profile? Or is it more like

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a page? I'm not really sure what it is on LinkedIn. That platform's very confusing these days.

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Anyway, Tog, I unfollowed Apocalypse.Clouds whatever it is after seeing those wigged potatoes

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that look like Bon Jovi from the Silipri Wow-Wet era. Well, I guess it's, I guess it's most reminiscent

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of Bon Jovi from the Wanted Dead or Alive music video specifically. It's actually a pretty

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striking, really striking, striking resemblance Tog. Probably because that video was done in

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Monochrome. But because we only respect Annihilator east of Large Street, things not ration anymore.

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Let's do that. And things like your little living on a potato campaign is making us all look bad

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in Gragleton. Hair metal, Tog, hair metal. Seriously, Tog. How long have you lived here?

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You should know better. I really wish I knew to make that file system I talked about in the last

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show that classified if something was helpful or irrelevant or subjective feedback and,

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oh well, I guess a category for attacks or hair metal attacks I suppose. I don't even like metal.

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I kept doing the potato campaign thinking I could nail it, thinking that they were wrong.

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Everyone felt that I was just trying too hard. Their negative reaction was actually a

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much more successful campaign than mine. They trended #thrashtalkspotatoeswalk.

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I lost a lot of confidence, listener. I went on the defensive in a podcast called the potato pitch,

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colon, tubers and advertising, and blamed the whole town.

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So Tog, why do you think this potato incident happened?

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Well, Jen, it seems to be that people in both West and East Gragleton have really bad taste in music

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and comedy and creativity for that matter. If I wasn't dealing with a town who could you know

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get it and appreciate art, then I probably wouldn't be here with you today. I'd be busy

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ordering more potato wigs. Wow, potato wigs. Well, you heard it here first folks. Next week on the

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show we'll get a visit from Maureen Fossick-Cluder who discovered Finch lovers east of 33rd Street

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really respond to three cheese grotton.

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The town had a few things to say about that and that's when I realized I wasn't as good with

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people as I thought. I wasn't as good at my job as I thought either and certainly not adequate at

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reading the room and I started drinking a lot and feeling like I needed to every day earlier and

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earlier in the day. I started showing up late for work and then I started to leave early too.

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Finally I was put on performance review and ultimately let go after the acquisition by

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Hack to the Future and back then that work was me, my identity. So that incident, the potato incident,

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it was me. After I was laid off they took over all the social accounts and deleted all of my potato

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content and not only that listener, you probably remember all those terrible free stock image

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AI slop templates Hack to the Future started using with those fonts. I mean,

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copy using knockoff, trashin and chalkboard and the URL written in Bradley hand.

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Oh my god, my identity, everything I did at work was erased. I mean, any other time would have been

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a lot funnier considering we were all working at a cloud backup company and never made any

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backups of our marketing at all. So yeah, it was all completely gone for good.

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So that's how I ended up out of work and on the couch, the one that smelled like Kevin the Cat's pee.

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Oh, it's time for the weather.

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Tonight's weather for your Drive at Five with I'm Fuck Your Life is brought to you by Amy Dan's

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rambutan. Just in case you don't know, the rambutan is an edible fruit closely related to several

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other tropical fruits like the, oh, I hope we get this right, the leechi, the longan, the pool

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of sawn and the quenepa with a flavor reminiscent of grapes. Oh, I wonder if all of them are like

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grapes. Oh, tonight, Gragleton is expecting a strong sea breeze that will make the temperature drop

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approximately 11 degrees Celsius, but we're nowhere near the sea.

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And that's it for the weather on your Drive at Five brought to you by Amy Dan's rambutan.

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We anticipate having rambutan fruits in stock this week. Oh, just in case you don't know,

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the rambutan is an edible fruit closely related to several other tropical fruits like the,

00:22:36.080 --> 00:22:42.560

the leechi, longan, pool of sawn and quenepa with a flavor reminiscent of grapes.

00:22:42.560 --> 00:22:47.280

Just the same thing all over again. Oh.

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[Music]

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Unfuck your life with Todd Chesterfield.

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Oh, well, speaking of rambutans, that's why lately, at least, I didn't want anyone touching the potatoes.

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They let me take the potatoes home when I was laid off. I took the greekos. They were the,

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the ones from the successful campaign. My identity and my self-worth were tied to my work,

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to my potato campaigns. And those greeko potatoes are the only thing I had left after all the photos

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were deleted. So the further that I went on through this process of getting off of rock bottom and I

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was failing in all those businesses, the more I failed, the more I wanted to preserve those greekos

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and keep them safe. Letting my roommates touch the potatoes felt like risking the only thing that

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had kind of worked in my life lately, that successful campaign at the beginning, when I was

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useful and seen. But since then, I've learned, I've learned that I have to accept failure.

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It happens with life and it doesn't make us who we are. Failure was the potato incident and I

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failed at many of my business attempts, the ones that you learned about on this show. And as much

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as I tried to accept those business attempts, that they were failures, I still failed to accept

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the potato incident failure. Well, until now listener, because accepting failures and finally

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the potato incident one has meant that I can learn, I can assess who Tog is, and I finally don't

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ruminate as much or well less and less every day. And letting go of the failures has finally helped me

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be creative again. I'm way less defensive too, so I can actually connect with people for real.

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And I can unfuck my life. Oh, hey, Parker. Hey, I'm so sorry to bother. Oh, don't worry about it.

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Don't worry about it. Grappleton loves hearing all sorts of things.

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No, this is a little bit of an emergency. Oh, yeah, I was, I was vacuuming. I was trying to do

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something nice. So, thank you. Thank you. I haven't vacuumed in ages. I moved the couch in the living

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room. And when I moved it, I, it was all, there were no, there were rotting potatoes. So many under

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the couch under the, what? I mean, I know I got potatoes everywhere. I had no idea there's a

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bunch of potatoes under there. Tog, I don't think you're understanding. They, they were growing

00:26:15.520 --> 00:26:25.360

shoots and the shoots went up into the couch, past the springs. They pierced the fabric

00:26:25.360 --> 00:26:34.160

and went into the cushions. And right now, your couch is a network of sprouts and roots.

00:26:34.160 --> 00:26:41.120

Oh my goodness gracious. Oh, that sounds, that sounds awful. And that's what, that's what the

00:26:41.120 --> 00:26:48.960

smell came from, was from that? I never want to smell that again. Can I borrow some of the

00:26:48.960 --> 00:26:56.640

vapor rub, vapor rub? Yeah, I got here, you know. Yeah, I just need to put, give me that. I guess,

00:26:56.640 --> 00:27:05.760

oh, oh, yeah, that's a lot of, that's a lot of vapor rub. So, I guess it wasn't Kevin's pee after

00:27:05.760 --> 00:27:12.000

all. That was what, that's what we're on the couch. My goodness gracious. Oh, poor Kevin.

00:27:12.000 --> 00:27:22.080

Got blamed all this time. I have the scent and it's, imagine if there was a hole in the bridge

00:27:22.080 --> 00:27:30.480

of your nose, like a cave in the bridge of your nose that can capture smells. Yeah. I feel like

00:27:30.480 --> 00:27:41.120

the smell is back there right now. And as hard as I'm trying, Tog, I, it's not leaving. But that's,

00:27:41.120 --> 00:27:48.160

that's okay. We've cleared Kevin's good name today. Clearly, we've cleared Kevin's name,

00:27:48.160 --> 00:27:56.400

but we've filled your head with noxious odors. I'm, I'm sorry Parker. No, no, no, I'm happy to be of

00:27:56.400 --> 00:28:02.640

service. Oh, well, that's what I can actually, on that note, Parker, I, I have a question for you.

00:28:02.640 --> 00:28:12.640

And I guess this now is a good time to potentially ask Parker, I actually am going to be doing a new

00:28:12.640 --> 00:28:20.560

show here on the GRAC and it's, it's called GRAC public access is a public access community show.

00:28:20.560 --> 00:28:28.480

And Parker, yeah, congratulations. This is amazing. Oh, I'm so excited as well.

00:28:28.480 --> 00:28:32.640

Because we're going to get to talk about the community and by we, I mean, I was wondering,

00:28:32.640 --> 00:28:37.120

Parker, if you would like to join me on GRAC public access.

00:28:37.120 --> 00:28:46.320

As a guest, I wouldn't even know what to, what I bring. No, Parker, you would co-host with me.

00:28:46.320 --> 00:28:55.040

It'd be, you're in my show. Oh, my gosh. Oh, I love Gragleton. Yeah, you know,

00:28:55.040 --> 00:29:01.760

Gragleton and you love it as much as I do. I have maps. Have I ever shown you the maps? I have a

00:29:01.760 --> 00:29:07.680

whole binder of maps. You have a binder of maps of Gragleton? Oh, oh yeah. Yeah. You know how the

00:29:07.680 --> 00:29:15.120

old fashioned maps used to show like sea monsters and like harpies breathing on the maps? I love that.

00:29:15.120 --> 00:29:20.720

And the decorative like North, Southeast, West thing in the corner and everything. Yeah. Yeah,

00:29:20.720 --> 00:29:28.480

I did that about every square kilometer in Gragleton. Oh, you're kidding. Wow. Do you even have one of

00:29:28.480 --> 00:29:35.760

Outer Grag? I have one of Outer Grag. Yeah. Yeah. And except in this one, and I don't, you know,

00:29:35.760 --> 00:29:43.200

judge me for this. I won't. It's kind of lame as my brother used to say. I made it like outer space.

00:29:44.720 --> 00:29:50.160

Oh, my goodness. That's what I would do because like Outer Grag is like outer space. I love that.

00:29:50.160 --> 00:29:57.360

I love that. And the North, Southeast, West sign is a satellite that's floating there.

00:29:57.360 --> 00:30:03.600

That sounds so awesome. That's a really cool. Oh, my God, we're going to do a show. We're going to do

00:30:03.600 --> 00:30:12.240

a show about Gragleton. We're going to do a show. Yeah. I am, I, it's not, they're not going to see

00:30:12.240 --> 00:30:18.720

my face, right? No, no, it's radio. No one sees our faces. I don't like my face. I hate my face.

00:30:18.720 --> 00:30:24.480

Yeah, no. You have a nice face by the way. Oh, you have a, you have a great face. I was really

00:30:24.480 --> 00:30:29.680

excited when you walked in. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I did, I did, you have a kind face. You have the

00:30:29.680 --> 00:30:34.800

really nice like affable face. Affable. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's okay. Yeah, that's like the first

00:30:34.800 --> 00:30:40.560

thing. And I love affable. Affable is great. I'll take affable. Yeah. Yeah, I just, I want to be a

00:30:40.560 --> 00:30:46.560

solid four in this life. Yeah. I'm not talking looks. I'm just, if I could be a solid four on

00:30:46.560 --> 00:30:51.360

the scale of life, I think I'm, I think I'd be happy. Oh my God, we're doing a radio show. We're

00:30:51.360 --> 00:30:57.600

doing, we're doing a radio show. I'm so excited. I'm going to buy new dockers. Well, nobody will

00:30:57.600 --> 00:31:02.240

see the dockers. No one will see them like they won't see our face. I'll know, I'll know I'm wearing

00:31:02.240 --> 00:31:07.520

them and I'm going to feel fancy. Oh, that's good. Yeah. Sometimes I put on a bow tie. So,

00:31:08.480 --> 00:31:16.880

oh my goodness. Yeah. Oh, that's, that's amazing. Oh my God. Okay. That's, I'm so sorry. Scott, Scott,

00:31:16.880 --> 00:31:22.720

Scott, Scott, Scott got one of the potatoes. Oh, Scott has a potato. Oh, wow. That's a big one. Oh,

00:31:22.720 --> 00:31:31.760

oh my goodness. That, that potato looks like Rick Astley. And it's rolling. It's rolling away from

00:31:31.760 --> 00:31:37.360

Scott. It is rolling away from Scott. Oh, that's Scott's getting it. No, no, I think it's the last

00:31:37.360 --> 00:31:43.760

of the potatoes. I'm going to go, I'm going to go grab it. No, no, Parker, it's fine. It's fine. Scott can have it.

00:31:43.760 --> 00:31:55.760

So that's it for Unfuck Your Life Here on 101.7 FM The Grack. Stay tuned for Grack Public Access

00:31:55.760 --> 00:32:03.760

with me, Tog Jesterfield and Parker Spoon here in two weeks. Listener, I hope you liked hearing

00:32:03.760 --> 00:32:10.960

about how I unfucked my life. This life, this is the only time we can't listener. I'm still here.

00:32:10.960 --> 00:32:16.960

And so are you. Go use that time beautifully. This is Tog Jesterfield. Bye for now.

00:32:16.960 --> 00:32:24.000

You have been listening to Unfuck Your Life with Tog Jesterfield, a Stereoforest production.

00:32:24.000 --> 00:32:29.600

This episode was written, directed, edited and produced by Jen DeHaan. This episode features

00:32:29.600 --> 00:32:35.120

the voices of Adam and Jen DeHaan. You can find all of our shows, show notes, transcripts,

00:32:35.120 --> 00:32:41.360

and sign up to get notified about new episodes, including our new show, Grack Public Access,

00:32:41.360 --> 00:32:46.800

at Stereoforest.com.

00:32:46.800 --> 00:32:56.800

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