Welcome to the

Peak Revival Podcast.

My name is Ner.

Today I am gonna talk

about why saying yes

doesn't make you a leader.

It makes you exhausted.

Is it productive to

answer every call

as it comes through?

Every email, every

notification, every question

from your team, is it

important to answer them

as they come through?

And some people think, yes,

some people think it's a

strategy that it's more

effective to answer everything

as it comes through, but

studies have shown that

multitasking reduces

productivity by up to 40%.

So it's equivalent to

going to work after

doing an all-nighter.

That's how productive

you are, right?

So multitasking doesn't

allow us to get more done.

It's very disruptive, and I

can't remember, I remember

reading research that it

takes us about 25, 30 minutes

to get back on track on

the task that we were doing

prior to being disrupted.

Okay?

So it actually takes us a long

time to get back into deep

work, which is why when we are

there, we want to stay there.

So why are we so responsive?

Okay?

Why are we jumping on

things immediately?

Why are we answering calls

from friends, from family?

Why are we answering team

questions straight away?

Are they urgent?

And do we need to be

notified immediately of

something that's happened

on email or social media?

do we need to be saying

yes to everything?

Especially if you're

time poor as it is, does

it make you a leader?

Does it make you an

effective business owner?

Or not I always used

to see everything as

urgent, and there's still

a bit of that there.

I wanna do everything

at once, right?

And I always just think

if I just put it on my

list, it'll get done.

It'll be a stretch,

but that's okay.

It'll get done.

And my coach is always

saying to me, I promise you,

nothing is ever that urgent.

Nothing is ever that urgent.

And she must have said

it around a hundred times

by now, and it's finally

sunk in because nothing is

really ever that urgent.

Okay?

We make it urgent

because of a hidden.

A need that we have, which

I'm gonna talk about today.

So if you feel the need

to respond to everything

and perform any favor

that anyone asks you, then

this is a podcast for you.

So let's consider that why

you or me or others are

accepting these requests.

And it looks like it's

being helpful, right?

It looks like we're serving

people as being helpful and

we're addressing concerns,

but actually there's a

hidden need for approval.

it shows up in our work and,

in our life, and it's part of

our early programming, right?

In the early years, there's

a author, Steve Chandler.

He's written about 30 books.

he's a coach for coaches.

He is also a speaker, but

he is written a lot of

books and he has this great

distinction called social

self versus Professional Self.

And he said.

When you understand this

distinction, it really frees

up people in areas of creating

wealth and prosperity.

And the social self is what,

from the time that we were

born, we were taught how to

interact with society, right?

to be likable, to be

accepted by society.

Okay?

And there is an automatic

desire to be liked as

part of this programming.

Being liked was important

for, you know, survival.

I guess going back to our kind

of hunt to gather a days being

accepted in our group or in

our tribe was very important.

But even as our younger

self being accepted into

a social setting or into

society, we had to have

certain mannerisms and the

way of communicating and

our behavior and our actions

in order to be accepted.

accepted.

Now this can show up in

our professional self.

So what happens is, is that

we bring our social self,

this programmed version of us

that's completely automatic.

It's our default self.

It's not authentic.

It's been programmed into us.

We bring that in our

professional setting, it

makes it very hard to

advance and succeed.

It's the same kind of notion.

Dr. Lewis Frankl, she wrote

that book, why Nice Girls

Don't Get The Corner Office?

I love her work.

And it's the same thing

as, as young girls,

we were programmed to

be nice girls, okay?

To be agreeable, to think

about others' needs before

our own, to, you know, be

careful of our language.

So it's really softened

and we use a lot of words.

All the ways that we can

be liked and accepted.

Okay.

In order to to get ahead.

Okay.

But coming into the

professional sense,

even Lois Frankl said

is just not sufficient.

Right.

We need to bring this

professional self that

Steve Chandler talks about.

We have to create it.

We have to author that.

We have to decide what

our professional self is

because if we're answering.

Every email and every

concern from our team or

our customers we're on their

becking call, then it doesn't

look very professional.

It doesn't look like

we have boundaries.

So we're not, showing

people our boundaries.

We're not showing our

team our boundaries, and

it starts to have this

ripple effect through your

business and the organization

I have worked with.

CEOs that run quite big

businesses and have,

you know, 200 plus team,

and they don't have this

professional self, right?

This is a crossover from

social to professional and

they don't have boundaries.

They don't show

boundaries or teach

boundaries to their team.

And so everyone was

always communicating

even late into the night.

So not only is that exhausting

for team, it kind of wears

people down that have

a personal life, right?

And it's exhausting

for everybody.

And so.

I want you to consider this.

Your professional self has

boundaries, has priorities,

has the things that you want

to do, which means that you

can't say yes to everyone,

and it does mean that you

are going to feel triggered.

It's going to feel

uncomfortable saying no

because of that hidden

need for approval that's

being trained into us.

As soon as we let someone down

or we say no, it feels icky.

It feels off, right?

But it's an important part

of the transition into

showing up as your most

powerful self, as your

professional self at work.

Okay?

That's the place

to be professional.

And eventually as you

transition into that it

feels so much more smooth.

It feels really authentic

to show up that way.

So if this is you, if you

find yourself, you know,

being there for everybody,

doing everyone's work or

saying yes, or being super

responsive or feeling icky

when you don't answer a

text message straight away,

like someone's going to be

offended or think that I don't

like them, whatever it is.

Just know that that's

being programmed into you.

That's not really your

authentic self, okay?

And if you want to show

up more authentic and

professional, then you

have to create what

that looks like for you.

In order to respect your

time with your family,

with your business, with

your, with your life.

You have to create

a professional self.

So let me know in the comments

below, was this helpful?

And how would you want

to show up knowing that

there is a social self

and a professional self?

How do you wanna

show up every day?