Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

experience. I'm your host Aurora, and I'm very happy to be

spending some time with you today. Thank you so much for

being here and choosing my podcast, I hope I can bring you

value, calmness, peace, hope, and love. Yesterday, I was live

on my Facebook channel, so to say, and I talked about self

awareness. And I really want to make sure that my dear podcast

listeners who might not be connected with me on Facebook

yet will not miss out on this topic that is really dear to my

heart. I raised a question on my Facebook timeline. And a couple

of people answered on what relationship if there was one

relationship they could better improve in their life? Which one

would it be? And a lot of people answered that it would be their

relationship with themselves. And of course, I have to jump on

this topic right away. Because, as you know, as a longtime

listener, and as you will find out as a new listener, I'm all

about sharing the tools that helped me along the way and

getting to know myself better the better you know yourself,

the better decisions you're going to make. That will have a

deep impact on your health and your well being, but also on the

people around you. So, self awareness, how do we become more

self aware? How do we see our blind spots? While we can read

self help books, we can watch documentaries about the

subconscious mind and the conscious mind. Or we can engage

in a journey with a coach. Here a little disclaimer, I'm not a

mental health counselor, I'm not a psychotherapist. I share my

passion to help other people and the tools that helped me back

then when I was Yeah, feeling lost and uncomfortable in my

skin. So if you're struggling with depression, if you are

struggling intensely then please don't hesitate to reach out to a

mental health practitioner or to your family doctor even.

Alright, let's let's dive into today's topic. Self awareness is

so incredibly interesting, let's say it is very revealing. And we

will sometimes be very proud of what we see and discover in

ourselves. But we will sometimes also feel repulsed and wanting

to reject what we find out about ourselves because we all have a

certain image. And we want to live up to that image. It could

be I'm of service, I'm a good person. I am liked by other

people, I am funny, I make people laugh. And everybody

who's around me feels good and joyous. And we try to live by

this image and everything that could disturb this image is

going to be Yeah, the enemy for a short amount of time. You can

see when when you make something you know when something comes to

the surface, I mean, during the work with a coach or when you

work on yourself, you will see stuff that you thought you

didn't have inside of you. Right we all have hidden treasures and

also little demons that we don't necessarily want to see and it

is about shining some light onto these demons. In my video, I

talked about how, for instance, our way of relating to other

people is heavily influenced by our childhood. So the way your

primary caregivers took care of you,

the way you felt about the world back then, is kind of the

blueprint of who you are nowadays in a relationship. Does

that mean that it is kind of a stamp that you have on your

forehand or on your DNA, and you cannot change it. And no, this

is not what it means, thank God because we are also deeply

shaped by our conclusions that we make with our mind, our brain

and our environment. And it is very likely that nowadays, you

live a very different life than you had when you were a child.

But sometimes your mind your subconscious, your blueprint, so

to speak, so to say is still stuck in the past. So you might

have been a people pleaser, you might have grown up with people

that were always busy and maybe a little bit impatient,

sometimes maybe you look aggressive. So as a child, you

want it to fit in, you want it to please it was your survival

mechanism. Because if you don't belong to your family, if they

kind of Yeah, shut you out of the system, then your survival

is at risk. So you become a people pleaser, and learn how to

relate to people through pleasing. You do that in your

adulthood, and you keep getting one door shot in front of you,

after the other you are disappointed, you're always the

giver and don't get anything back and return. While maybe you

are a people pleaser, you are over giving. And people are just

totally overwhelmed with that. So there's this book called your

attachments, I will put it in the show notes where they

explain very specifically how you fall into certain categories

after taking a load test or after reading longer and finding

out who you are. And then you will find out what kind of ways

you choose to relate to people and what it might trigger and

other people and how you can become aware of this pattern

because people are usually only reacting to what they receive

from you, you know, we tend to blame people. But a lot of the

times it is asked just not being aware of blind spots. Another

thing when we do this work of self awareness is that if we get

behind the scenes and find out that your household you grew up

in your parents back then didn't do you know the perfect job,

then you cannot slip into Ultra victim mentality and blame your

parents for your misfortune nowadays, because you have to

take ownership, you have to be 100% accountable for what's

happening today in your life. blaming your parents is totally

lame is not going to get you anywhere. And chances are that

you're going to destroy the relationship that you have built

ever since the stuff happened in the childhood and what for

instead focus on what you can repair. I don't want to say

necessarily a repair because you're not broken. But what you

want to change in order to live a more fulfilled and self aware

life. So you see already that I'm only going to touch on the

surface here I can only go very into depth with that topic when

I have a client sitting in front of me and opening up to me about

specifics. But as a general rule, I want to say that it is

very, very important for you to look inside and to find the

areas where you have conflict where you have resistance where

you have pain, where you have repetitive disappointment, and

find out what it is inside of you that you can adjust, change,

throw overboard and to not blame others for discomfort. Because

that doesn't help you can't change other people. You can't

undo your past. All you can do is be in the present, rest and

reflect and learn and then let that shit go. You have to learn

to let go then. Because what do you want to focus on as the

lesson In the learning and how you can apply the learned the

new pattern

without falling back into into habits that you feel comfortable

from back then, or even from now, but didn't get to anywhere.

So whenever a person tells me they want to become self aware,

I'm just getting so extremely excited because that's the first

biggest step into a direction of more healthy living and genuine,

sexy relationships and out of victim mentality, we don't want

to be in that place of blaming others, I know that it is very

easy to go and connect with other people. Oh, yeah, your

parents have fucked up in the past as well. Mine too. Okay, so

now we're the broken ones. And we kind of allow ourselves to be

couch bumps or whatever you choose to do to avoid

accountability and ownership. You have to have the balls to

look into the mirror and to know that you might be still stuck in

victim mentality and survival mode and that you want to get

out of it, that you want have tools provided that can help you

to dig yourself out of it. And to then test and see how your

relationships change, but most importantly, how that

relationship to yourself will change. So all this to say, self

awareness is the biggest and most beautiful journey you can

be on to find out where your boundaries are to find out what

you like to find out what you don't like, to be able to say

no, to situations to be able to do less, but to have more and to

be more. Right. It's better to have less contacts, but more

intense contacts, you want to go into depth. Also the way you

consume information, the people that you follow on Twitter, on

Facebook, on Instagram, if I would just look at the list of

the people that you follow, I could give you a big clue on

what your goals are in life and how you probably feel about

yourself on a daily basis. Chances are if you are, you

know, following a lot of people who trigger jealousy, who

trigger judgment, you will feel not as clear not as good about

yourself. If you follow accounts that are deeply inspiring and

motivating you, then you'll feel very different. And we can all

not underestimate the power of Twitter, Instagram, and

Facebook, because we're all hooked to it. And we are all

influenced by it. So we have to learn on how it impacts us. And

we have to learn to be very specific about what we consume

there. All right, I'm not going to overwhelm you in any way. I

hope. I'm going to leave you with this. If there's any

questions, any comments, please never hold back and message me

on Facebook. And if you have any requests on topic, future topics

here. Also shoot me a message. Thank you so much for being

here. If you want to send me a token of appreciation, you can

buy me a coffee. There's a link in the show notes. And yeah,

take really good care of yourself. I'll be out there very