This is a global player original podcast.

Be warned, it's Luanna.

And this podcast contains honest upfront opinions, ran spans and general explicit content.

But you know you love it.

And guys, it is officially Happy Advent.

It's Christmas.

I mean, I feel like Christmas has been going on for 14 months already.

Really?

I mean, is it.

I mean, I've done nothing crazy.

No, but as in Bonfire Night happened and then that was it.

12 days.

I'm flying to the moldy.

You got the sunshine, babes.

We know and we are delighted.

And you are romping for that sunshine, my girl.

Oh my gosh, sunshine.

I'm romping full speed ahead.

Still got a sore throat, guys.

Yeah, she's been feeling poorly, but it is Christmas officially now.

Well, it's Advent anyway, so welcome to one of the podcast, guys.

You have an adult Advent calendar and imo.

Yes, I have.

Oh, actually, okay.

Yes.

And you know why, guys?

Because I have gone on an Advent calendar.

Scrooge this Christmas, right?

We have a family advent calendar which was 4.99 and it was a 1980s paper one.

Because I am teaching my children now that I'm sick of the.

The constant.

I want.

I am sick.

It sounds like I'm going on the run.

I'm thinking of doing a Yulu.

I'm sick of the Christmas boxes.

I'm sick of all the guts.

I'm sick of a 60 pound advent calendar with a Lego character in.

My kids are so gifted out and over stimulated by Christmas because they get every day in the lead up to Christmas, it has stopped.

I think it has killed the joy of Christmas Day because my kids, every day it's this dopamine fix of what am I got?

They've got a chocolate.

My mum buys them once they've got a chocolate one over there.

They've got the one.

So.

So no, we have an Advent.

I mean, I'll be honest with you, I'll see how long it lasts.

But.

But I have attended.

It's only the first day.

I have attempted to rein it back with a family of.

And it's a nativity scene.

And I.

They were like, what did we get in that?

I went, you get a picture of a shepherd and.

And you will enjoy that picture.

I just got the lint chocolate one.

I'd say that's quite conservative.

That's fair.

Just go.

So I don't have one for me's got one.

I got her a little Lego one.

I'd quite like a Jo Malone one, actually.

I'm not gonna lie.

I'd Quite like the Liberties.

Yeah, the Liberty.

The Liberties one was really nice.

I might, I might.

Now they're going to be on sale, to be fair, so I can do a cheap skate and I can.

Might, May swan in for like a.

You know.

But I think I've taught them the lesson.

When I was 18, yeah, when I.

Was 18, my mum got me one of those, a picture one.

And I was a.

Made a laughing stock because my mum gave me a picture one and everyone else's mums got sent chocolate one.

And.

Then I nearly left it in Costa and I had to go back and get it.

What else happened when your mom was 18?

So this is actually so upsetting.

And this brings us on, actually to Luana, the big party.

Have you got your tickets?

We're pretty much sold out now, guys.

There's a couple of handfuls left, but I think we're gonna have to use the big party next year as a pseudo emo's 18th because.

What happened?

Oh, just not many people showed up.

How many people?

I can't remember.

Emma had an 18th birthday.

I invited lots and lots and lots of people.

Stop it.

Maybe 3, 5% came, 5%.

I don't know.

What was the party like?

I mean, my best friend came, so that was nice.

What was it?

Had you hired a venue?

Yeah, my dad had hired like a.

Because I was like 18, me and Paul had hired like one of those little like night clubby places to have like a proper boogie.

And because we were 18 and stuff like that, then I felt really guilty because he'd spent all this money and then not many people showed up and I was very sad.

Oh, and that was the same year you got the picture Advent?

Yeah.

Terrible year for you.

Yeah.

I turned 18 and then I went to uni and my mom got me a picture advent calendar.

And then.

And then they made fun of me because I had a picture of.

And then I nearly left in Costa and then had to go back and get it from Costa and then I felt embarrassed.

Look, Bex is sitting here looking like she wants to cry.

So I think, guys, we are all now going to rally at the big party.

At the big party.

And this is going to be.

Can you please bring IMO an 18th birthday present?

Yes, please.

And we'll play Happy Birthday.

We'll do a little bit of a.

Pretend that you're 18 again.

Yeah.

What would you have liked for your 18th that you didn't get?

Like, what can people bring?

We'll have a gift table for IMO's gift.

Any gift?

Yeah, any.

She would have really liked a Gucci bag.

Oh, You know.

Oh, or maybe what we could do.

You know how we tried to do IMO Scabies fund at the Palladium and then we weren't allowed because of rules around bucketing.

But it's our show and our gig.

So maybe we do a bucket collection again and people can truck in 20p's pounds, tenners and we then do a combined Lufanian 18th birthday present.

We could do a bucket collection for you.

We should get everyone to do a Jaeger bomb for Emma's birthday at that.

Party, those people who didn't turn up, you're gonna have 3, 000 people turning up for you.

Yeah.

So listen, if you haven't got your tickets, guys, there's only a handful left.

Please go to everything.

Luana.com there's the matinee, there's the evening party which is on October 3rd.

It's a Saturday, 2026.

We have been blown away with the fact that we practically sold out in the first few days.

So yeah, if you make a great.

Christmas presentation, it will.

Yeah.

But there really are only a few.

We're not just saying that and we're not doing any more.

So please, please hurry up.

Okay, so.

Oh, news.

I didn't talk about this, but I did do a insta on this and I'm thinking about it because soon we're doing our New Year's resolutions and stuff and we always set our achievements and two years ago I said I wanted to go to the Europeans and.

And then I've just been again.

So, Lou, I was going to say.

You got a silver medal.

Well done.

So, yeah, you have been away for a whole week in France.

I'm exhausted.

Yeah, so.

So how was it, Fry?

It was really good.

How many in your team?

Best team vibe?

I think there was about maybe 25, 30 of us in the whole team.

Yeah, it's quite a lot of us for Team England.

Yeah.

And you all had to be selected and qualified to make it into it.

And what were you, what was your bit?

Like, what was your.

Well, I ride up.

It won't get too technical.

Although I know we've got some.

So my level for like idiot people like me.

Well, like in dressage you have different levels.

Think about like in football, like you have your league one to your championship.

Yep.

So we have riders.

Yeah, we had riders in all different classes.

I was like middle as, like advanced, medium.

Nice and then.

But yeah, so we had riders in all of that and we brought home team silver.

It was amazing.

Great vibe.

And so.

And how many teams were involved?

Five.

Amazing.

Who came?

Gold, Dutch.

But I feel like they cheated.

I'm not going to lie.

Well, they recruited, like, German riders because the Germans didn't have their own team.

There you go.

But they had seven German riders on the Dutch team.

And was everyone in Team England from England?

Well, yeah.

So.

Well, there you go.

I'd say then that the Germans just kept winning for the Dutch.

So then the Dutch got gold and I like, actually was like, you know, next year, Germany need to cum themselves.

And even though they were riding for Dutchland, whatever, when they won, like on the podium, they still had the German flag and the German national anthem, not the Dutch, which I thought was very rude because they're on the Dutch team.

Rude and naughty.

So therefore they should have had their national anthem.

So what you're saying.

And when they were singing and then when they did have to sing the Dutch national anthem, they didn't even know it.

Well, I. I think then process of elimination, I'd say you won.

So congratulations for winning the European Championships on horseback.

I'm very proud of you.

Thank very, very proud of you.

Also, speaking of pride, team pride, I. Oh, no, I can't actually tell you what the outcome was.

Yeah.

I had a very exciting situation last week where I was asked to take part in the BBC One game show Celebrity Bridge of Lies to represent the King's Trust.

I don't know game show s. I'm.

Gonna be honest with you.

Neither did I until I then went on the old tube of you.

You've got to watch before you do these shots.

Don't want to be a total idiot since Tipping Point and I didn't know a Kardashian question.

I'm like, go uber prepared.

I nearly did.

I didn't do too badly in that.

So I was like, I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna represent King's Trust.

Well, what the big draw really was for me.

Yeah.

Was that the host of it is Ross Kemp Grant from Extenders and I'm a big fan.

I'm a big fan.

I like his gang shows.

Love his gang shows.

Exactly.

His documentaries.

So.

And I thought, nice to, you know, I haven't done much charity stuff recently.

So I was like, you know what?

I will go, well, it's up in Glasgow.

They film BBC Scotland.

Oh, it's a bit far.

Oh, Lou.

It gave me a night off from the kids.

It was a flu.

Well, again, I'll be Completely honest with you.

Because I'll always be real with you guys.

Private jet, BBC.

I'd have loved that.

Yeah.

BBC.

Yeah.

No, they, for sustainability would have preferred their guests to have got the train.

I was like, hours.

Yeah, but it.

Well, you say that, imogen.

I live 15 minutes from Stansted airport.

It was a Sunday.

I'm like, this is versus me leaving my children at midday.

Yeah.

Or trotting down the road with a little domestic carry on bag.

Now Stansted, so much easier.

Actually, I did, I did say I'm happy to actually pay my only 70 quid on EasyJet.

I said, I'm actually happy.

They went, no, it's fine.

So.

So I. I did go to.

To Glasgow on Sunday night.

I did then take part in step two.

Bridge of Lies.

It is.

What is it then?

So you get on a big bridge and you're in a. I was in a team, so I've been put in a team with.

Which was.

Again, maybe take this as a compliment.

I was putting a team of comedians.

Oh, I know.

So I was with Miles Jup.

So a lot of these ones are on Mock the Week and stuff like that.

And Phil Wang, who I actually did know, I like Phil Wang.

Phil Wang's amazing.

Any of these people.

I've.

I've done a few things with him in class.

And then from Derry Girls, Jamie Lee o', Donnell, who was feisty.

Love her.

She is, she's feisty.

So you basically go one at a time and then you get a category.

Yeah.

So let's say the cat.

Can you say.

Yeah, you can say your category.

I'll say it anyway.

It was films.

So you just get told.

But you get told like, so you're in a waiting room together.

Well, so you're all in like the little thing thing outside, like the green room bit.

Ross is on the big br.

Like, guys.

So who's up next?

The category is.

And then you have to deliberate who's going to take that category.

Right.

Well, Jamie Lee had already bag first it was pop music and she was like, oh, I know this.

I know I'm really good at pop.

I'm really good at pop.

So I was like, well, I think I could be quite good at pop.

But you know what, you're really keen.

I'll look a dick if I then louse it up.

So she did it well.

So then the next.

She did well, yeah.

So then, then it was the next category and it was film and I.

Was like, oh, I would be useless.

Well, yeah, but then I'm thinking, what if they bring out sport?

Well, yeah, or science or anything that's got a remaining brain cell.

Like, this is not going to work for me.

So I was like, oh, I don't.

Really think I'm good at any one category.

You're a general knowledge kind of girl.

I think I'm better at general knowledge, Terry, to be honest.

I just don't really know anything.

So then I did.

But then I did.

So I was like, I'll do it.

So I went up on the bread.

Well, let me tell you now, they intimidate us.

Yeah.

So you get up and the set is huge.

It's like, in this, like, hangar in BBC Scotland.

It's Glasgow.

This is it.

It's cheap up there.

Well, there you go.

And you've got Ross Kemp on the bridge.

And so let me tell you now, there is nothing more.

I mean, I. I can't wait to see this edit because I must have looked like an absolute tit.

Probably wear bright red in the face, because Ross is an actor, obviously, as we know as well, but he's very intense, how he looks at you.

And so he did.

And I have to do this.

So have my category film.

And then you get like a subcategory.

And I was like, christ, that's actually really hard.

Everyone said it was hard, by the way.

And then he starts and it's like, true or false?

You stand on a square and then it brings up statements and you have to then say if that's a true statement or a false statement.

Right?

Yeah.

A truth or a lie.

If it's true, you stand on it, it goes green.

You then get to move to the next thing.

If you.

If you stand on three lies, you've been buzzed out, right?

So then you go through to the end game, basically.

But as I stood on the step and he was like, you know, a bit of small talk.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

And he was like, who are you playing for?

The King's Trust, you know.

Lovely.

And he looks at you dead in the eyes.

He goes, fanny flutter.

Well, a little bit.

And then I stood on my thing and he.

Anna, is that this is literally how long this goes on for.

Is that a truth?

Wait for it.

Staring, bearing into your eyes.

I'm then getting giddy, going, red.

That's so old.

Yeah, exactly.

Then he's like, or is it a lie?

Right?

Like, talk about.

Builds up the.

You know, builds up the drama.

Well, he does that for every bloody answer.

So I'm like looking at him in the face like this.

Idiot.

But I won't tell you how I did because they did ask me not to.

It's on the telly in the new year.

Well, we're gonna watch.

Let's.

All I'm gonna say is I thought.

I thought I'd shagged it.

And then let's just say your girl always brings home the bacon.

Okay, well, basically, don't tell anyone how it went.

That's all I'm gonna say.

It's all I'm gonna say.

So it was very fun.

I met Ross Kemp and then it was all very exciting.

And that was so.

That's.

That's the exciting part.

And also just final, final thoughts.

Yeah.

In our notes, we've got.

Elle's Advent part is in.

Oh, the Nativity.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

What is it?

Big part, guys.

Okay.

She is waiting for Mary.

No.

Angel Gabriel.

Nope.

Joseph.

Jesus.

No.

But I wish she was Jesus.

The donkey.

No.

A tree.

Nope.

A table.

No.

I'm quite.

I was disappointed at first, but now I'm quite pleased because I'm making it her own.

A door.

No.

She is the North Star.

She's the star.

Not bad, right?

Initially I was like, that's.

And then I didn't say to her when she came home, she was like, mummy.

I said to my teacher that I didn't want a speaking part.

The fact she never shuts up.

Wonder where she gets that from.

I was like, whatever.

And she went, so I've asked if I can be the star.

Well, guys, I think I'm quids in on this one.

Okay.

Cause she's come home with a sheet.

She only gets a ruddy singing solo.

No.

Yeah, she gets solo verse, then ensemble chorus, solo verse.

And then she went, Mrs.

So and so said that if I need a bit of confidence, I can ask a year two to sing it with me.

And I was like, oh, we don't need that.

So we're going for it, girls.

She was standing there in the bath last night, bathroom last night, butt naked, giving us all a performance of the star shines so brightly and I guide the shepherds or whatever.

Wow.

So.

So we're in.

Girls, we're in.

Singing star, here we come.

I don't know.

I don't think finding parts, but you.

Lose it in year two at my school.

Well, I'm on the last year in.

Year three and year three and four do a joint.

And because it's year four's like final year in that part of the school, year four get the lead parts and year three are just like.

Yeah.

I'm not sure what Indy's doing.

Enzo's in Year four.

They do a carol concert.

Oh, yeah, A few bangers in there, you know.

Came home yesterday and he was singing Carol of the Bells and then the angel Gabriel from heaven came.

Catholic school in it.

Brilliant.

Right, shall we move on?

Have we got any more recommendations in for our new segment which you're all loving?

The Reco Seco.

We did an appeal for jingles.

Now, have we topped Rachel's from the dairy farm?

We'll see.

If not, she gets a second crack at the whip.

This is Tilly.

One sec.

Hi, girls.

I hope you're well.

I was just listening to Monday's pod with the Reco Seco and did think of a theme tune.

Wasn't sure whether to voice note in or not, but I did think it.

I.

My name's Tilly.

Ottilie.

May ring a bell.

If it doesn't, that's a bit awkward.

We have Louisa and Anna.

I was nearly.

I guess.

Is that the right word to use?

I don't know, nearly nanny for you and Anna.

We didn't end up being able to work together even if we both wanted to, just from life circumstances.

But anyway, didn't know if it was a bit weird to message into the.

Pod when we've kind of spoken elsewhere.

But anyway, couldn't help it because don't know if it would be copywriting.

It would not be allowed through copywriting.

But I think the Chucklevision needs to be.

Oh, she's on to something.

I just think it really fits.

But anyway, nice to.

To reach out, I guess.

All of you are welcome.

She shoots and she scores.

That's it.

Wrecker.

Circa Circa.

Yeah, you should have done.

Yeah, it's the rekace.

The rekace.

No, it just goes Wreck a circle.

Circle A record circle.

That's it.

Okay, fine.

And there's one more.

Oh.

From Rosie, who's done production and.

Oh.

Oh, yes, right.

This is it.

It's the Wreck of Circle.

Oh, she wins.

She wins, she wins.

That is a solid 10 out of 10.

Yeah, but I don't know if we'll be able to use that because of the music.

You know What I mean?

15 seconds.

Yeah, I know, I know, but still.

Whereas if we.

Well, if we just sang it without the music, then maybe.

Oh, can we hear it one more time?

Yeah, go on.

Here we go.

Let's do it for this.

Can we find out if we can use.

Yeah, that's really good.

It's less than.

I mean, for me it's an absolute hands down.

Or has she made that up?

That's Do It Like a Lady, that one.

Yeah.

Loves Dudley.

Like a Lady.

I say not to do it.

Misheard lyrics.

What?

Do it like, dude looks like a lady.

Oh, I thought it was Do It Like a Lady.

Oh, I've got that game for us.

Yes.

Yes.

Oh, there's so much going on.

Anyway, it is the record, right?

Okay.

Okay.

I'll make mine quick.

So it actually leads into me going up to Scotland on the plane.

It is not being a tight ass.

And actually paying the seven pounds for a Stansted airport fast track.

Always.

Every goddamn time.

I always do it.

I forgot because someone else booked my flight for me.

I then took 50 minutes on a Sunday night.

Well, I got stuck in, didn't I, Lo?

I thought it was going quick.

And it wasn't 50 minutes of guff to get through that.

I was waiting for my little glass of champagne for one.

Didn't have time.

Had to go straight through.

So for my reco sec of the week, don't be tight like me and pay £7 to fast track yourself through anything you possibly can fast track through life.

Yeah, go on.

Mine is a crisp.

Yes, Girl, we're moving into Christmas time.

People are socialized.

You're hosting what you want to do.

Twiglets.

My mouth is watering.

You need to get yourself down to co op firstly.

Then you need to walk yourself to the crisp aisle.

Yeah.

Then you need to pick up the Co op.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

They're called, like, irresistibly.

Blah, blah, blah.

Are you dribbling?

Yeah.

Why didn't you bring these first?

Yeah, come on.

Salt and Chardonnay vinegar.

Chardonnay wine vinegar crisps.

If you like, like proper, like, if you don't like proper salt and vinegar.

Like, they're sharp.

Like they would.

Like they're on the verge of hurting your mouth.

Yes, that's a bit.

They're so good.

You must.

You just simply must.

I'm gonna.

But also don't because got one down the road.

If we sell them out, I'll be livid.

Fuming.

Okay.

Because they did go missing.

I can't stop.

You are salivating.

Because they.

For a while you couldn't find them anywhere because everyone was buying them and it was.

I'll be honest.

Why?

You've talked about them on here.

Everyone.

When I was after this.

Yeah.

Festive Crisps.

Okay, Lou.

Right.

Mine is program.

Oh, good.

Netflix.

Yeah.

Now everyone know, like, we're all big traitors.

Fans, aren't we, we like like a little game show type thing.

Squid games.

The challenge.

Is it a new one?

Yeah.

Did you watch the first one?

And the kids love it.

We get into my bed.

Yeah.

And I say to right, you can watch squid games.

So they're all bath and so love in their PJs.

6:30 and we all get in my bed and then we watch an episode of squid games before bed.

Love that.

And it's.

Oh, it's so good.

Thanks for that.

Actually, I have to stop myself watching it without the kids because Indy gets very angry.

It's their thing.

Angry ginge.

Yeah.

But no, great.

Again, great to watch with the kids and really like snuggle, snuggle and huggle down on a cold night.

But it's so good.

Good reco.

I just.

I just love those challengey.

I prefer that style of show to something like I'm a celeb or.

Strictly because you like a sort of strategy game.

Yeah.

And it's brilliant.

So it's on Netflix.

There are two seasons out.

I'm gonna heed that.

I didn't know there was a new one.

Enzo loves it.

So.

Thank you, Lou.

I think we've all taken that on board.

Thanks guys.

That was the.

We do it one more.

Oh, bless your little boy.

Little squeaky.

Right, do you want to win 250 grand?

And I'll tell you how I will.

Now this is very exciting and I'll do it in a far more excitable way than looted.

She's just got a sore throat.

So who fancies winning 250000 pounds?

Of course you do.

Now, of course, the Christmas countdown has begun.

Officially today, first December.

You could be celebrating early with Christmas cash.

Cool.

Now, on Friday 5th December.

Now check this out.

A celebrity could be calling you with a present you'll never forget.

Now this guys, is 250000 pounds.

Quarter mil.

Quarter mil.

It's gone up.

It's gone up.

The last one we did was 200.

This is.

Well, exactly.

This is an absolute Bobby dazzler on another 50.

This is it.

Do we know who the last celeb was?

We need to find out.

So a huge 250000 pounds could be in your bank account straight away.

Here is how you can get your number in the draw.

Come on, guys.

For your chance to win a massive 250000 pounds, text the word Luana to 8 double 2 double 0.

That's L U A N N A to 8 double 2 double 0 Text.

Cost 250 plus your standard network rate.

Or you can enter online via Global Player.

Lines close at 5pm Friday 5th December, and that's when you'll need to be by your phone in case it rings.

You've got to be 18 or over.

Get the rules online and free entry details for this global network competition@globalplayer.com forward/win.

Right, let's muff hunt into messages, shall we?

First up, a message from Anonymous.

So will my finger do?

I really like that one.

Greetings, girls.

I wanted to put this on the Facebook page, but I couldn't face having my name on something so horrifically embarrassing.

Guys, we're all friends over there.

Seriously, go on our Facebook page, guys, as well, everything.

No, it's not Luana official.

This only happened this morning, so it's still pretty raw.

I'm disabled in a wheelchair, so I require two carers who come in each morning to help me with my washing, dressing and getting me into my wheelchair.

Anyway, last night I was feeling in the mood, so I grabbed my trusty bullet.

Can't believe I went nearly all my life without one until six months ago.

And I had a play, an amazing orgasm.

Go on, girl.

I put it back in my bag and I went to sleep.

Also, I thought.

Turns out I left my bullet where it was resting on my.

So the carer undid my pad.

Oh, no.

And said, oh, what's this bright purple thing?

I am a huge prude.

So I wanted the ground to swallow me whole.

Still do.

I'm cringing writing this, but very grateful to have a safe space to share it.

Keep me non.

Call me Wilma Finger do.

Oh my God, that is so.

You would just die, wouldn't you?

So embarrass.

Also, you can't think on the spot enough to like get your embarrassment.

It's also, there's no other, like, explanation.

Other than I'm sure she's seen it before.

She hasn't.

She needs to.

Right, We've got another message from anon.

So, Eileen, you look.

I can't take account for it.

People keep sending me videos of like, you know, the Peloton.

Yeah, the peloton instructions.

People like write stupid names on that and they send me like compilations.

Yeah.

And Eileen, you look like on Starbucks with the names.

Love that.

Right?

Hi, Luana.

Mo.

Been a huge fan for years now and I'm hoping to be able to make it to your upcoming show.

Yes, guys, if you haven't got tickets, do so now.

I think there's A tiny handful left.

Check them out everythingluana.com and grab yours for our big party next year.

Right?

This isn't the usual kind of dilemma you receive, but I'm hoping with Anna's relationship expertise combined with Lou's brutal honesty, it will help me out.

I'm emailing him for some advice on how to navigate financial disagreements with my partner.

Our relationship is almost perfect apart from one thing.

Money to set the scene.

We've been together for around six years and I have two children from a previous relationship.

I earn a decent salary but my partner earns significantly more than me, around four times as much.

Because of his success, we upsized our home last year and now live somewhere I could only ever dream of before I met him.

He's constantly taking us on nights away dates and he books holidays for all of us which again I couldn't afford regularly on my own.

My issue is I'm skint when it comes to my personal finances.

He pays around 65% of the bills and I pay the other 35%, but as he works away a lot I tend to pay for all of the food, shops, petrol and other expenses.

I also pay for the car which we share since he hasn't had his own for the last six months.

On top of this I pay for all of my kids costs such as clothes, school dinners, trips as their father only pays £40 maintenance per month.

I can no longer receive child benefit due to my partner being a high earner, but I still pay for all of their things on my own.

The way things fall, I actually end up paying well over half of our family expenses and he does pay 100% of all recreational extras due to how expensive our house is.

I end up with about 60 to 80 pounds left over every month for anything extra, whereas we have whereas he has thousands of surplus each month.

I brought this up to him recently in an argument and he called me ungrateful because he genuinely does spend a lot of money on trips and nice things and he did even pay off my debt which I met which mounted up before I knew him.

But it just doesn't seem fair that I'm scraping the barrel every month.

From the outside looking in we appear wealthy and collectively we are, but I've never felt so poor when it comes to my own bank account.

I can't remember the last time I was able to go shopping and buy myself a new outfit, whereas he will order himself 300 pound pair of trainers without even a second thought.

Just yesterday he was talking about booking a new Year's holiday to Dubai, which he will pay for as usual.

But I can't even afford to get my roots done for said holiday.

So I feel like saying no as I just feel like an imposter in this life.

Whenever I mention I'm struggling and worrying about money, he always says oh, don't worry, we'll sort it.

But he rarely follows through on that and I still end up struggling.

I've genuinely considered leaving and moving back into a small three bed place with my kids where I would actually probably be better off.

I spoke to a friend about this and she said it's financial abuse.

So I can't call it that when he is constantly treating me and the kids to nice trips and meals out.

And he is a kind and gentle man.

I'll probably get a bunch of expensive gifts for Christmas when in reality I just want to have more than 10 pounds left in my bank account.

When I search how to split the bills fairly online, everything says it should be proportionate to each partner's income.

If this was the case, I would be so much better off.

How do I approach this conversation without sounding ungrateful for everything he gives me and my kids?

Or am I just being totally selfish and should appreciate what I have?

Gosh, this is such a good dilemma and I really feel for you and the, the, the, the challenge with this is firstly, financial challenges in a relationship is the number one cause of relationship breakdown.

Okay.

So I think we all need to recognize how big a deal that actually can be in a lot of relationships is financial imbalance.

And you also, he also, your friend mentioned about financial abuse.

So the thing here is there is actually no legal definition of what is right in a relationship when it comes to apportioning the costs.

Now the only time now you're not married now if, even if you were married though, the only time that finances get to my knowledge, by the way, which is fairly extensive around this, is if you were to legally split and then a court would start at a 50, 50 approach.

Yeah.

And then with regards to all marriage classes, you'll know Lou, you, you, you've.

You've been divorced, right?

And ultimately it comes down to what works for individual couples.

Now the typical approach is joint account individual accounts.

So that typically is a majority setup of what people tend to do.

But there really is no one size fits all I think.

And, and it really is down to you to have figure this out.

I don't know what you girls think.

I, for me, it doesn't sound like it's Financial abuse.

Because it sounds as though your husband.

Sorry, your partner is probably a bit blind to it and you might need to be more.

I know that you said, you've mentioned it, this is it.

I don't think mentioning, yeah, mentioning isn't actually having a real.

It means.

And perhaps say to him, look, this Christmas I'd actually love it when you buy me these beautiful gifts, but to be honest, I could really do with building up my own personal savings because I am struggling and actually sit him down or use something like chat gbt, Put in his salary, put in your salary and what you've basically said here and ask that for a fair split because actually that will go.

I know it sounds ridiculous asking like an AI robot, but it can be.

Really effective, it can be really helpful.

And it could really help you like outline and then, and also guide you as to like, what to say to him.

Just to say, look, I've kind of worked out that like proportionately could like this could be more.

Or say to him something like, you know, I'm gonna have to change a car because I can't afford the car anymore.

And you might find that he then says, oh God, no, well, I'll, I'll help you with the car payment.

You know, so I think you probably need to be a bit clearer in your communication and, and because you don't want to feel ungrateful, you're probably holding back and having that conversation because you don't want to seem ungrateful.

Yeah.

But really it's lovely having all those nice things and the holidays and the meals out, but actually day to day living is the number one thing.

And I think that, that you really do need to tackle that.

Yeah.

And I can hear the resentment, you know, the resentment around, say you can't even get your roots done, but then, you know, liberally kind of buy 300, you know, pound pair of shoes.

But then, you know, to balance this, I suppose that if he feels like he is, you know, paying for, you know, what feels appropriate within the dynamic of the relationship, you know, he's not being tight, he's not saying I'm not paying for anything.

You know, he is paying for stuff.

So he's probably in his head thinking, well, I earn this money, you know, so I'm gonna buy myself a 300 pound pair of shoes because it's what I earn.

To lose point, there's not been clear communication and in my experience, relationship therapist, it is communication that everything up.

Assumption over actual clarity.

And I think you need.

This sounds really Boring.

And I know Lou's gonna roll her eyes at this, but this is a really effective strategy to do marriage meetings, like finance meetings, and especially if a couple are having this type of hardship where there is an imbalance around control roles, gender roles and everything else with it.

Sit down and literally go, look, these are the outgoings, these are the incomes.

Is your pot that my pot?

The joint pot?

Here's how I'm feeling about it.

Is there a compromise we can make?

Do you think that's fair?

Ask the open questions to each.

I have this.

I feel like I'm really shortchanged.

What do you think?

Do you think I'm being fair or do you not?

Can we find a solution?

Can we find a compromise to lose point?

I'd rather not have, you know, expensive prezzies, but I would really appreciate £300, you know, going into my account.

Do you think that's fair?

This needs to be open questions and open conversations to state how you feel, what you would ideally want, and then have a right to reply.

And then you need to draw up a blueprint on a plan.

You know, this is the plan.

Let's have a.

Nothing's concrete.

Can we try this for three months, see how it works, see if it feels fair.

At the end of the three months, he thinks he's been stitched up.

Readdress it or you.

That's where you need to come out from this.

Because at the moment, there's a complete imbalance and it's always money that does it.

Yeah.

To me, it feels like she feels she should pay more because it's her kids as well.

There's ego in here and there's insecurity.

But if you're going to be a family moving forward, you'd hope that he'd be accepting, that he would take on some of that.

That cost, I guess.

Yeah.

They've been together for six years as well, I think.

Did you ever.

Do you mind me asking, but did you ever have the conversation with Andrew about.

About.

He's a very generous man.

I would assume he would just step up anyway.

But, like, to this woman's point, you know, the dad of her kids is paying.

I mean, it's.

It's actually insulting.

£40Amonth.

And I feel for her because she's in a position where she's like, I'm sort of holding it all.

And I can see why she looks at her partner going, he's bougie.

And like, why is he offering me loads of money?

But I can sort of see from his point of view, he's probably thinking, well, I give loads anyway, like.

But yeah.

Did you ever have that with Andrew?

Not really.

I think so.

Dixie's dad's never given me money either, but I've always been the breadwinner, even without Andrew.

So before we met.

So I've always earned more, and then Andrew has always paid Dixie school fees, and I would have been more than happy to pay Dixie school fees.

And actually, I did Celebrity Big Brother to put her through school until she was 18.

Wow.

And that's why I did it, because the amount I got would have paid school fees.

No, I didn't know that.

Yeah.

Which is why I did it, because I was never really a Big Brother fan.

When you get offered that tasty fee and as you say.

And you had a little baby.

He's a single mom.

Yeah.

And so we never really, like, had a hard conversation.

I mean, Andrew's so generous.

Yeah.

But obviously, even now, if you look at our finances, his will be exponentially, like.

Yeah.

Huge compared to mine.

And that's not to say that I don't have huge amount of savings, and I really do, because actually, everything that I earn, Andrew's always like, don't spend it.

And have you ever had.

I'm curious about all our different relationships.

And again, it is personal, so no one has to answer this.

But.

But, yeah.

Have you and Andrew ever had or felt you haven't needed to have a conversation about who puts in what to the.

We don't.

I honestly, I just put nothing in.

Yeah.

But it's.

But it's never been.

But.

But if that clearly works for you, as in, it's not been a conversation.

Had me not like, not work and.

Or work.

Like, I. I work because I choose to work, not because he want.

And so he's always just really done, like, the lion's share.

And so.

But I think it comes down thing.

I earn, I don't spend, I save and invest.

And obviously that's just got bigger and bigger over the years.

So my personal, like, wealth as such in my own name is decent because I haven't ever had to spend.

You know, if I want something, I'll buy it.

Like, I bought quite an expensive horse for myself, but I'll buy things like that.

And the kids, I buy.

Yeah.

I'll buy things with my card.

I'll put things on his card.

I don't tend to buy, like, expensive handbags and stuff.

Ever.

No.

Like, on.

No.

Recently, I bought two saddles for the horses, which were.

Let's say you.

That's your version of a handbag.

Yeah.

Which were like five figures, but.

But I think as well, I buy.

Them myself because I then, but then if I'm like, oh, I've just spent this, he's like, why didn't you tell me I'd get that for you.

Yes.

Hey, dog.

There it is.

But then I just, I think, I think what often comes into the finance question though, is also, you know, a lot of other value within a relationship.

Obviously that isn't financial.

You know, the support systems at home, you know, when you're raising children, is.

The breadwinner over you?

How do you.

Yeah.

So nay earns a lot more than I do.

And do you have a proportion based thing with your bills?

Because that's what Alex and I do.

She will put in more than I do because she earns a lot more than I do.

And there was a point where it was like slightly more even, but obviously.

I came off way, way worse.

Way worse.

Because.

Yeah, you don't have as much.

I was putting in a much larger percentage of my take home.

Right.

And we've.

And I sometimes feel like guilty about that.

But then we, we have quite decent communication about it and she's like, well, I'm not paying for.

I'm investing in our relationship and our life together.

Yeah.

It's not that you're taking my money, it's.

I'm paying it for, like.

Yeah, yeah.

So we tend to do things like that.

And I, I can completely get you that.

Like there were times where I'm like, oh, Jesus, you're getting like an Amazon parcel turning up every two seconds and I'm like considering whether I can afford like the next rush.

Yeah.

And that is really difficult.

But you have to have those conversations and you'd, you'd hope that, that your partner cares for you.

This is it.

To realign, to realign with that.

And also you want to look after your partner.

Yeah.

Financially or in a home sale.

Exactly, absolutely.

Looking after them with regards to helping them out, putting their laundry away or cooking dinner.

And that is, and that is a currency and it's an.

Alex and I are the same.

We have individual accounts and we have a joint account and we proportionately feed the joint account.

But it's.

And he's really respectful and I'm really.

And I think again, it comes down to that communication of no one takes the piss.

And you know, with us, I mean, yeah, there is a slight disparity around earning, but at the same time it's not an issue because there is earning going on on both sides which we then.

And, and it's never RC it's just there is say we've been married 10 years and there is an appreciation that no one's taking the piss.

Yeah.

It's not everyone's exactly.

But also as well it's in.

So there is.

And when we.

And actually do we do constantly reevaluate it.

But also it's the unspoken stuff.

Like you know, for me, for example, oh my gosh, you know, the fact that I have a present parent around, you know, when I'm not around, you know, and that.

And that is a currency, you know, that is him taking time out of his work to make sure our kids have a dad that takes them to football.

I'll be paying them.

Yeah.

And then there's the cost on, on the children's well being, you know, and that.

But that is something he happily says no, that's fine.

I'll finish work at 2pm today because you're not here and I'll be with the kids.

But that's four hours of work he has then lost out on.

So.

And I think that's why it's a constant compromise and it's a.

And it's.

But if without having these regular conversations, oh, there's been times Alex and I've got RC with each other felt that one of us is doing more on.

He feels a bit like hell.

Hello, I'm trying to run a business and I'm doing.

And I'm supporting you.

And now ultimately though, I do think.

That in a relationship where the person who is the higher earner like you do have to prioritize their work because.

And it's like Andrew and I look if I had something on and it clashed with him and it was like they can know the kids had no one.

I would have to stop what I'm doing because.

Because I'm not the breadwinner.

I don't bring in that money.

And it's similar with you and Alex.

And that's what happens with us.

He's the default parent.

Yeah.

One of you has to be because it won't work otherwise.

And that just logic prevails in that sense.

Like you can't prioritize the, the not the lesser but you know, the, the lesser earner.

But also you can't have an ego with that.

Yeah, yeah.

You need the breadwinner.

Exactly.

To live the life that you live and you'll do when you have a baby.

That's what you'll experience too.

And it doesn't make you a lesser person because actually the whole family as a unit wouldn't run without exactly the person that was willing to take take.

So true.

Imagine if Alex was still in the corporate world and I'm off swanning off to Ibiza for 10 days for celebs go dating and the kids have got all the kids.

Do you have to.

And then they get ill. Yeah but, but, but then I wouldn't want that because if the kids get unwell that this and that's the thing.

But there is a.

There is that.

So I always say there is absolutely a currency and the cost of that because I can then go and do my work.

And it's always it within our relationship.

Mommy, mommy has these big shows to do.

He will then take that responsibility on which for me is priceless I think because I could pay.

We're really lucky that we're both and both of our partners are self employed.

Yes.

So you do get that flexibility.

True.

You know whereas you and Nate aren't.

You both work for huge corporates and that will be a big struggle when you have a child.

And it's actually why Alex went back to freelance.

Yeah, well big part of it because it suddenly it weren't working.

It's really hard him.

Anyway, listen, encouraging an open conversation with your partner and you know he has been with you for six years and in that effect he has taken your kids on and he knew what he was getting himself into.

And I really think you just need to bite the bullet.

Have the chat.

So buy me a handbag.

Proportionally work out.

If he earns 250 more than you then you need to recalibrate.

Yeah.

Calibrate use chat GBT for that.

We've got a message from Jay N.

Next you can read male listener.

He says thank you, Jay.

Currently listening to the podcast with my now girlfriend going to a dirty weekend away.

They're listening to us to rub themselves.

My God, that'll turn them off.

My girlfriend has told me to send in my one night stand story.

Sorry for the graphic ending.

Oh I love that she's encouraged this.

I was 21 and recently split from an ex girlfriend.

Very depressed from being cheating on my friend said Saturday night we were going to going out to take my mind off it roll around Saturday night in the club get you know, him getting a drink and a woman who was 38 at the bar say to me cheer up.

I tell her about my ex cheating and I'm not in the mood and she says I'm out celebrating her divorce and has just come through it.

Cut to the end of the night and I see the same woman and me cheered up knowing from around 10 jar there's always a Jaeger vom in it.

Guys.

It's the drink of trauma.

The happy, the PTSD drink, the you drink.

We get chatting again and I ask how I night went.

Anyway, I end up going back to her as in a taxi.

And we're kissing and we're teasing.

We get to hers and we start on the kissing on the settee and she stops and says all good come to those.

All good comes to those who wait and walks upstairs.

I hear her walking about upstairs and she comes back down, black lingerie, stockings and a thong and says that this was for her husband.

But now it's for me to cheer me up.

Go on girl.

We head upstairs, have mind blowing foreplay with handcuffs and rough sex.

I get close to finishing and she says finish on me boobs tell me tits.

So I'm happy to oblige.

I finish all over her.

Then I hear some.

Then I hear someone sneeze.

I look at her thinking, well, anyone's in the house, right?

I say, did you hear that?

I heard someone sneeze.

Yeah, it's the neighbors.

She says the walls are thin until it happened again.

Then the wardrobe door flies open to a man with his boxes around his ankles and falls on the floor.

It turns out what the actual this is that kink.

It turns out she didn't get a divorce.

It was a lie she told so she could bring men back for her to enjoy.

While her husband watches from the wardrobe.

In there having a tommy toe.

He's having a little watching her get by some random she was in a.

Hot wife situation courtesy.

Can I just say the biggest ick Having a sneeze in the watch.

What made me even more shocked was that he wanders over to his wife, starts kissing her and says, you were so good then my love.

And then starts to kiss down her.

Starts to kiss down her boobs where I had just shot my load more.

Oh, I was standing there like a rabbit in the headlights.

Then she turns to me and says, said, you can let yourself out.

Just used him.

I left in a taxi and wondered what the f just went on.

It's my girlfriend who thinks it's hilarious for the podcast.

I'm Jay from the Midlands.

I love the POD and all that.

Jeez.

Oh my God, that's so good.

What a little kinky kinky poo.

She Obviously brings him home, starts kicking on the surface.

I'm coming in.

Puts the lingerie on.

They have a little.

Then he gets in the cupboard.

Get in the cupboard.

He's saying, like, door a crack.

I find this kid quite hot, actually.

Do you?

Little cuck.

Well, I wouldn't do it.

Cuckold.

Is that what it's.

Yeah, Cuckold.

Remember, I'm thinking about it.

We've got Mr. Bean.

She gets her cake and she eats it.

She's got Mr. Bean.

Face the mister.

Oh, I've got a really big wardrobe in the rental.

Just thinking, just shove Al in there.

Take Grant.

Love it.

Remember, if you want to get in touch, you can email us luana.com you can also drop us a WhatsApp on 0745266947.

Right, newsy bits.

Now, the Government.

I saw this has been a wash. Yeah, it's.

It's something that keeps coming about again and.

But the Government has rejected a fine free school absences bid.

Now, this was hot news.

Lots of people talking about it.

It all affects us, particularly Lou and me, as mothers of kids who are at school.

Now, the Government, though, has said they will not allow pupils to miss 10 days of school without good reason.

A minister has said this in response to a mother's petition to remove school absence fines.

Now, MPS debated a petition launched by Natalie Elliot from Ripley and Derbyshire calling for parents to be allowed up to 10 days.

Days fine free.

It's.

They should be allowed.

Well, this is.

It's more than 180000 signatures.

Yeah.

And promptly led to a debate which some MPS did start to challenge the current policy.

School Standards Minister Georgia Gould said the UK was still facing an absence epidemic.

Which is.

Which is correct.

Which.

It is correct.

Exactly.

It is.

But I also feel for the other side too.

So Ms. Elliott said that the current policy was not fit for purpose and the system had made parents scared to call schools when not attend for legitimate reasons.

The former Conservative government announced plans to increase the fines for parents last Feb. We often talk about this as part of the drive to boost attendance since the COVID pandemic.

Under current rules, parents who children miss school without good reason are initially given a fixed penalty notice of £80, which rises to £160 if it's not paid within 21 days.

Now, if that is not then paid within 28 days or a child is off school three or more times within three years, the matter can be taken to a magistrates court.

Parents can be found fined up to two And a half grand handed a community or parenting order or given a prison sentence in most.

Come on.

Our prisons are bursting.

I mean has that ever happened?

Like has that ever happened?

Have a look.

Can we have a look?

Has a parent ever been actually jailed.

For taking their kid to Disneyland or something?

It's ridiculous.

But so.

So Ms. Elliott said I think there needs to be a clear appeals process.

As it stands, families are not allowed to appeal a fixed penalty notice.

Now this is what I was seeing that happened for the Conservative MP Robbie Moore said that price jumps in travel meant that many families could not afford hologies during the school we and we all talk about the massive.

For since the dawn of time there's been travel hikes in the school breaks.

Right.

Which penalizes teachers as well.

Actually one parent from Keeley, this is what he said in my constituency told me she was quoted over 1000 pounds more per person for a February half term holiday compared to the following week.

Meaning an identical family holiday would cost thousands more simply for taking it during school holidays.

He added that family holiday was one of the key opportunities for families of children with special educational needs sent to de stress with the holiday period being too much for many sense children to handle.

I mean interesting point actually during the debate the chairwoman of the Education Select Committee, Helen Hayes, she called in the government to do more to work with the travel industry to have to stop unfair price hikes.

And I do think that possibly that is the solution.

But then I feel like how much can you govern privately owned businesses?

This is it.

How much of a big brother state do you think?

I was going to say it feels.

So nice dictating how as a.

How a business.

Right.

I mean a business is there to make money when we also knew they're going to try and capitalize when they can.

And also the travel industry were hit badly by the pandemic as well.

This is it.

Still trying to recoup it, I think.

I think so.

We're committed to tackling this problem because we heard from many absence is one of the biggest barriers to opportunity, damaging learning, health and well being, future earnings and employment and each day of lost learning can do serious harm.

This is.

This is the counter argument to why they rejected it and that is why we won't allow pupils to miss 10 days of school without good reason.

She just hoped that travel companies were watching the debate and listening to the.

I don't think hope is enough.

They're not gonna.

You're right, Lou.

Hope.

Hope can sail off with.

With the wind.

No There is, like, you learn so much on a family holiday.

I mean, I remember we were really lucky during that, what, second or third lockdown in Covid, and we just went to Dubai for three months and Indy was four.

She was in reception.

We were so lucky.

Our kids weren't in formal education.

And then I remember being one of the top 10 schools in England, India, even at that young age, they were like, you need to log on.

And they were like showing them youtubes about turtles.

And I was like, dude, I'm in Dubai.

I've taken her to a turtle sanctuary this morning.

Like, my kid doesn't need to log on.

She's literally been feeding turtles.

And yes, I'm sorry that other kids are in a lockdown in England and can't do that.

But why would I log my kid on to watch a YouTube when I can go and take her to see the turtles?

I can take her to the.

I was taking her to a science museum and it was a bit of a.

Like a battle with the school.

But I think that, you know, you learn so much on a family holiday, and it's not even just about education.

It's about learning, like, how to be part of a family and that family bonding.

And we hand over so much responsibility to schools.

And we're always saying our parents need to parent more.

And then you do want to parent more, and then.

And then you can't.

I think.

I think when it comes down to.

I think a lot of people that are very proud this, you know, not.

Not being fined is because essentially our.

Our parenting is.

Is being governed by a government.

You know, it's the government who are telling us what we should and shouldn't be doing with our children.

And I'm with you, Lou.

I think children learn so much from being with their parents, their siblings, experiencing the world, experiencing different cultures.

I think it's really important.

I suppose the problem with what is being suggested, which on one hand I would be massively in favor of.

I'm a freelancer, so are you.

I can.

I can go on all day whenever I bloody well like, you know, so, you know, it would be really good for me as well.

But I suppose it's like everything, isn't it?

When you put these things in, where does it stop?

Because if it is, then 10 days blanket, where is the.

And you hope most parents would be reasonable about not taking their kids out if they're about to do something.

But then you obviously, if it is, if there is no caveat to that, it does become a very Open ended.

Probably being a teacher with a class.

Exactly.

And you've got, and every like bloody day you got a different one for 10 days and then you've trying to catch up with work and you're trying to teach them all at the same rate.

And that one's missed that and that one's missed that and that one's missed half of that and that one's missed 20 of that.

That's a very difficult situation to manage.

So it does make sense not to do it.

I actually do think so as much as I, I really have empathy for it.

I think it's a great idea.

But in practice I think actually it's more problematic because as we do know do, school attendance is, is getting worse and also there's a lot of children who, yeah, you know, school attendance.

We've recently had a round robin email through from our council, you know, local council and the schools saying, you know, of reminding us the importance of attendance with the statistics around, you know, if your children are missing days.

I mean, I'll be honest, I've done it once or twice.

You know, there's been a few, you know, things that have happened and I'm.

Lucky because mine go to private school and they get longer holidays but I've had like for.

Mine will be on holiday when other schools aren't.

So you don't tend to get, I.

Mean I, I mean I'll be totally honest here and because I was very honest with the school about it because I've learned there's no point in lying either because then you don't actually enjoy the thing you're doing because your kids, you can't tell your kids to lie either.

I did a couple of years ago, maybe it was last year, took the kids out of school on a Friday afternoon for Lapland uk.

Oh, there she is.

A little as a PTA member.

But actually I was just really honest and I said to, I messaged the head and I said, and I gave it as a statement, not a question either.

I was taking my kids out and I just said, look, this opportunity has come up which is a last minute opportunity and invitation.

It's wonderful for us as a family.

The magic of Christmas.

My children are still in the age of believing.

I would like to take the children out from school tomorrow, you know, at 12 o' clock at lunchtime.

I hope you can understand on this occasion, occasion and quite rightly, which I know a lot of schools do and don't do, they just didn't acknowledge the email because they can't be complicit in saying yes.

They just ignored it.

We took India out and her little mate the other week at 2 o' clock taking to see Benson Boone at the O2.

Oh nice.

We do loads of stuff early a couple of weeks before but you start to skegness.

Oh skaggy.

Yeah, but.

But to be fair.

But you're not taking them out for two weeks to go to Thailand.

No.

Do you know what I mean?

And I think there is a difference.

I think there is it.

Do you want some stuff?

Yes, please.

Yeah.

So one thing is absence in England.

2023-2024.

487,000 penalty notices were issued.

That's a lot.

Which is.

And it's up 22% from last year.

That's a lot on.

I know people do it all the.

Time, prosecutions and stuff.

I guess it.

There's a degree of like truancy and letting your kids go to school or not, whatever but.

Nearly 12000 parents were prosecuted last year for failing to send their children to school.

Just over 9000 were found guilty under UK truancy laws.

And whilst two thirds of Those received a fine, 25 were given jail sentences.

25 were sent to jail.

And that was on in 2011.

Those true C. Okay.

Numbers about a while ago.

Yeah.

So a while ago.

So it has probably gone up.

Yeah.

Big figures anyway.

But then I would.

I would.

Would question those statistics on the ones of truancy on a children going to school as are.

Because a lot of children and send children just will not go to school.

So is it.

Is it that children that won't go to school and you can't bloody force.

You can't force a horse to drink water.

Right.

Or is it just lazy parenting?

Do you know what I mean?

Like that's what I'm curious to know because I also have a lot of.

And I know you'll be listening as well lots of send parents who are like desperately trying to get their kid to school and their kid is autistic or whatever and will not go to school.

So that's a different.

It is hard.

It's very high amount to just say they're all send.

I mean we can't.

It actually undermines parents of genuine send children.

Yeah.

Oh yeah.

And I don't know if it agrees.

Of like send but I think that that's actually surprisingly high.

But so actually I don't blame them for.

For not letting it through because also we live in a society now where our exam results are Lower than ever.

We're having to have children reset and reset to get the basic pass in maths and English.

Our unemploy employment in this country like 30 odd percent of people don't have a job which is a massive strain on the government financially.

That's why we're in such dire strays because we're actually trying to prop up you know, 2/3 of the, of the working population.

Sorry, 30 of the people that can work in this country don't work.

Yeah.

Which leaves it to the other 2/3 which are paying for that third that don't work.

And why don't they work?

Because they don't want to work in low paid jobs.

But why can they only get low paid jobs?

Because educationally they're strong enough to get a better paid job.

So and then it all does go back to that seven year old in year two and three being at school.

Being all the time.

Yeah.

So and then thinking actually is it is a trip to you know, you know, you know actually worth it.

So actually the government do try and look at this whole picture.

Why is our unemployment at the highest rate ever and trying to tackle it, you know we keep going back, do you go got to fix things from the source.

And they are trying to probably fix things from the source and keep children in education.

I'm going to be honest, so that I, I, I think probably I am in favor.

I would have rejected it too because I think kids.

And also are we being a bit, I don't know, I'm just throwing, are we being too entitled thinking that we should all be able to go on holiday every half term holiday?

Yeah, you know, you know when I was younger we just went once a.

Year in the summer, one holiday to Cornwall in the summer for a week.

Yeah.

That was it.

Why don't you stop the holiday companies hiking their prices in the summer?

Because you can't, you, you can't be such a nanny state.

You know what, what's the incentive for anyone to run a business if the government are putting caps on it?

It's a bit like because it's lower without term time because people like the majority of like we can't travel in, in the term time.

So I would imagine the holiday demand is really low.

So they obviously wait for those times to actually make their money back which I know is penalizing us.

But then you go in, into this thing like well let's just let the government own everything.

Yeah, let's let the government own the holiday companies so that they can control the pricing.

But where's the incentive for the motivation for a business that, you know, the ultimate thing of running a business is profit and to make money.

And people don't like to think of this.

I agree with you.

Because they don't like to think of the head honcho being absolutely loaded.

But the result of that head honcho being absolutely loaded coded is there's a whole ecosystem pyramid and an ecosystem underneath them of providing jobs to people.

And without that head honcho providing jobs and that business making enough money to provide the jobs, then you get even less people employed and then the company folds and then, and then, and then you have a whole ton of people see, the government can't start dictating how businesses should make money and putting a cap on, on.

Oh, oh, you've been too successful now because that's half the problem at the minute with tax.

It is, yeah.

That's, that's crushing entrepreneurship.

Well, yeah, that's the problem that, that's why people are leaving in their drones.

There's no incentive in this country to make money anymore because it's just taken from.

So you can't, you know, they already control so much.

You know, even private gas, electricity, phone companies, there's caps that they put on that which and regulators and you just, you know.

And then what are you going to do?

Start getting regulation for holiday companies.

And it's very tricky going down.

Interesting.

Because like obviously last week we were talking about the thing on ticket prices and that's someone's business.

Yeah.

And they're capitalizing on demand.

Like their holiday companies are capitalizing on demand for summer.

Yeah.

So then it's like, why should the government do one thing and not.

Well, let's, let's move this on.

But it is the conversation that we'll keep giving, moving.

We'll just wow.

Through this.

Denmark.

Oh, it's another one that's jumped on board.

Australia has been paving the way.

I think we will be hopefully coming at this at some point.

Well, who knows?

We live and hope, Lou.

Denmark is to ban social media for anyone under 15 years old.

Is announced a landmark agreement to prohibit social media access for kids under the age of 15.

A move designed to intensify pressure on major tech platforms amid escalating global concerns over the influence of harmful content and commercial exploitation targeting youngsters.

Now, whilst this new legislation would permit parents, following a specific assessment, to grant their 13 and 14 year olds access, significant questions remain regarding the practical enforcement of such a sweeping ban.

Now, many tech companies already impose age restrictions on their platforms.

Yet officials and experts widely acknowledge these measures are frequently circumnavigated by.

I mean them imposing.

My Enzo has hacked every single.

It's not even.

He doesn't even have to hack it.

It's ridiculous.

Tiffany Box.

But anyway, so Denmark again, leading the way here.

And just.

They're saying that the ban is not going to take effect immediately, but it will be something that they're going to do and they are going to do it in a hurry but not too quickly because they want to make sure that it's right and there's no loopholes for the tech giants to go through.

This is such a simple thing to do, though.

When you have a social media account, everyone should be made to upload photographic documents like a driving license or a passport.

There's the technology that can then verify that we do it with banking.

Well, I was doing.

Did I mention this last time we talked about this?

But I've been doing some work with Instagram with Better or Meta actually to do with teen accounts.

And actually I've been really impressed with Instagram because they.

That's.

They now have AI predictive technology that essentially shut ultimately that can track the usage of a child.

And if they get one whiff that this is a kid, they.

They shut it straight down.

They move you into a teen account and you have to prove with your age, with.

With identification that you are old enough.

So I do think it is starting and I think we can only be applauding anyone that is getting a gripper, a tighter grip on all of this because it helps us parents.

Exactly.

Us parents.

It's hard.

If it's a blanket band, I'm here for that.

Yeah, it'll be much easier.

Maybe we want the government for that, but not the travel.

And there'll be much fewer, fewer people signing up because it'll be harder.

Like with the blind porn.

Yeah.

I've never watched porn.

Again.

I can give you my.

I've only been on.

But again, I've only been on a couple of times.

Keep forgetting my bloody password.

By the time I've gone in to go and sort it out, I've given up.

Right, it's now time for it's the.

Widow of the Week.

Right.

Anonymous.

So Fula Flatbacks.

Flat bags.

Flatbacks.

Brilliant.

I'd like to nominate myself for Weed of the Week.

My commute to work is an hour and 20 with only passing one toilet 10 minutes from my workplace.

If the edge comes on me badly, which it does regularly, and I have no shop to Pull into.

I have an emergency lunchbox in my car.

I in.

Great.

I've done this a few times and it's a great job.

Me and my sister are huge fans of the pod and she'll know this story is new.

She has the shit box in her car.

She shits in a.

Brilliant.

Right, let's see if Olivia closed.

Clothes off.

Your clothes off.

Let's see if she's weirder.

Hello, lovely ladies.

I think I might have word of the week.

So once a week on my day off and when the children are at school, I have a lovely, quiet, peaceful poo to myself.

Absolute bliss.

And when I do this, I tear off one square of toilet roll.

I lay that flat on my knee, usually my right knee.

Nice.

I pick mine up nose and cover that little square with as many boogers as I can.

I then fold it in half and half again so it's a small booger filled square.

I pinch and roll each corner of the small square.

And then finally I poke and swirl each corner in my nose so that each nostril gets two goes each.

Then I carefully fold that into the toilet roll.

I wipe my bum with.

I feel refreshed and ready for my day.

And it's become a little day off ritual over the years.

But I'm not sure this.

This is normal.

Well, I think neither of them are normal.

I think you're my person.

I think that's like OCD bogey picking.

It's quite a routine.

Quite a routine.

Very impressive.

I think you're both bloody weird, but we love it.

Thank you, guys.

I think joint weirdness wins this.

Joint weirdos.

Hallejujah, Minj.

I think that a poo lunchbox is significantly weirder than picking your nose on the toilet.

Yeah, you're right.

Doing a in a Tupperware anywhere actually.

Is side of a road.

Yeah, yeah, fair.

All right.

The Tupperware you win.

Right, it's that time of the week when we see if this balls is pissed off.

My voice is still sore.

Rant about your voice.

That's sore.

My voice is sorry and it's pissing me off and I can't run.

That's fair enough.

Do we have a pseudo round?

Is there anything that's pissed you off?

Emo pissed me off.

Emma never gets angry.

You're like Mrs. Chill.

But I actually do get quite a quite angry quite a lot.

Yeah, I just suppress it and.

Yeah, yeah.

Internalize it.

You're like me.

I do that.

Yeah.

And then I get really angry in the car.

That is it.

For this week's Luanna the Podcast.

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Bye bye bye.