What up, what up, what up? We. have literally recorded this episode. What four times now?

I think we've recorded multiple episodes. Yeah, we have no

idea. We don't know what we're doing, but we're, we're doing great at the same time. I think we're doing great.

Yeah. Honestly, I think we're getting better every time we record so here.

Baby failed!

I'm just seeing I'm Kate. And yeah, we're just going to introduce ourselves and ask each other some questions so they could get to NOAA. So basically

We're too fucking long island moms with six kids between the two of us. All boys holy crap. And

We're parenting them in every way that you can possibly think,

because we don't,

we're trying our best. I like I did single mom. Shit. I do. Co-parenting now I have a blended family. You've done foster kids. You've done adopting you've now have your own kid, it's wild shit. A wild ride. Yeah, we both have plenty of family trauma to pack in the suitcase. And we both

have so much past in Saturday that we've been through in general.

Someone said to me the other day, I was like telling a couple of stories and it's so true. We have lived so many

lives. The sheer aspect that I'm still alive in general. Shocking.

But think of how many layers there are to. Lives. Oh, yeah. From. Childhood to pre-teen to teen. To the different types of levels of us from 18 ish to now. Yeah. How many different relationships trust me. Into this, all of that, like we will get into how

weird it is. Wild. How much it has changed. It also not changed. All at the

same time. It's been a wild ride here we are. Let's talk about how we met first.

Yes. So we met through your oldest two kids father, my husband was friends with him. I was friends with him

tattoo shop shit. Yeah. I mean, I'm still friends with him. I love him. But we remained friends. We let, there was like a couple of years where we like, weren't really close. I don't think we

were. So it was weird. Cause when you were dating Steve, we were like friendly. We weren't friends. Yeah. And then somehow over time. I guess, I started fostering kids that were similar ages of your boys, a little younger, right? And then we just started being like, oh, we're both moms with kids. We should

start at all started. I was looking at pictures of. I'll start. The girls were in the picture from Lincoln's birthday party at the beach so that's where it all started. And then our friendship just grew from there. I feel like,

yeah. And then our, kids, friendships grew from there.

Yeah. Which was good. Our kids are obsessed with each other. Which we love. Thank God. We don't, we didn't have to force it. So yeah. So that's how we met the way that this kind of started. I would say we are both interested in doing better, doing better, but also like having something that's ours.

We need something that's ours, because so much of our lives is being taken up by

other people's needs. And this is such a good way for us to have, even if it's an hour, a couple hours. To ourselves to just vent and get it all out and, and hang out and hang out. Yeah. Literally without kids. But yeah, it's, it's really something that we need for us. And we just wanted to share it with other people. We want to share our journey. We want to share our growth. We want to learn from other people we want to learn from each other. And I think it'll be great.

I also think that's so many. Mom things don't have moms that look like us or have families that look like ours. So I think it was good for us to be like, all right, that all is great and works for what else? But like this. Normally is different. And our family physically looks different. Yeah. Our families are made up different of different layers and other people's families are definitely more this is our normal. A lot of other people's normals too. It's just not

so publicized, right? Yeah. You don't find. Mixed race

families or,

Tattooed parents. Like people it's not like outspoken or like outwardly talked about now, which is weird because

I also go through different things that other people don't go through because my family has different dynamics.

You. Yeah so that's interesting. So. It brought us here and we're just here to talk shit and share

our journey. We're not talking shit about anyone except for ourselves and our husbands. And probably our entire families and friends. And everyone we know. But not about other people

that we don't know. We don't really judge. Judge ourselves. We judge ourselves. Yeah, really fucking hard. And. We judge our husbands.

Really. More than we're going to judge ourselves.

So let's give a week. We keep talking about our children, our gremlins. Let's give a little rundown.

Do you want to go first? Cause you have more.

Sure. I will go first. Me and my husband have been together for go three and a half years. I was going to say three and a half years, four kids later. Math is not bad. Starting from oldest to youngest. My step son is 12 Aiden. He's super fucking cool. And he's super cool.

It's going to see this and be like, holy fuck. I hate you guys. He's going to be like

near embarrassing me. Okay. And then I have Benny and Lincoln who we spoke about before I have them with my ex.

And how old are they?

Benjamin is 11 and Lincoln is nine and we've been split for. Nine ish years, right around the time when Lincoln was born. So, it's been a while. Obviously there were some relationships in between. But then I met max. And then max and I have Damien, who is what though? I'm going to be 16 months.

I'm so bad at moms. Me too. I'm always like counting

backwards. I think what we say after 18 months, It's either one or two. It's so stupid or one and a half, even you could say one and a half. I hate it. I hate it so much. I'd say 27 months shut up.

Oh, shut up. Yeah, because like gage just got, okay. So I have two kids back to that, and then I'll go with this story. So I have gauge who is my adopted. Biological son now he stopped. But I love him. He's my adopted son who basically is basically my biological son and he is four and a half. He'll be five in may. And then I've Axel, who is my technically my biological son. I don't know why I said technically he is my biological side, but you know, whatever I hate when I'm like separating them, it makes me feel weird. Oh, I know. Axel, who is God months. Uh, 22 months almost. He'll be two in April. Let's just go with that. Yeah. But anyway, so gage goes to a developmental preschool, right? Cause he was in early intervention. I guess they're seeing he qualifies for OT in addition to PT and speech. Okay. So he just got evaluated and I got his evaluation back and it's he is a 54 month old boy and I'm like, no, My mom was trying to explain it to me like, oh, because between 50 and 56, they should do this. And I was like, no. No.

I hate it. And I hate that. We'll talk about this another time in depth, but I hate that at this age or at this month, he should be doing this. No. They all grow different. They cannot be compared to each other. They'll get there eventually. There's literally so many factors. If there's other siblings at home and how the parents are raising them. If they're homeschooled, if they're not homeschooled right. If there's socialization. Where the, where you live. I mean. I'm sure kids aren't growing the same that they are in. And they are in New York.

Utah or something. But I'm sure it's like a different lifestyle.

Or what about countries? And they, I guess, I mean, I guess the scale is not. Through the country, but I don't. Different

countries. We should look into that. I don't know. I wonder if they hold kids to the same accountability, depending on what country

they're from. There's no way that they can. How

is that possible? Because they might say universally, like kids should start talking at. Between 18 to 24 months or something, I guess, because we're all like humans.

Yeah, we're not. Different cultures are like, Other countries might make.

We're very judgmental.

Very judgments about America sucks. I hate it here.

I have a love hate. I don't know if we should go on record. Look America.

I will. I'll be that one.

It's definitely hard here. I think for kids, because there's so much competition and so many people keeping like they need to do more and more and more, better and faster, and yup. You. It's

hard. Kids should just be in the end, like the different Like boys to girls to like the difference in that. Lincoln did the fitness test or the physical fitness test or whatever. Jim and like, why is it that I don't know, number is, I'm literally just making up numbers, but like, why is it like the boys. Should you like,

should do. Crunchies and the girls should do 20. Yeah. Why is that? You're still a person. Yeah.

I feel like girls

should be especially at that age, we should just be on even black belts. Why is it that like, already expected to

do less. They're not busy roller men with full testosterone levels. Puberty. Hormones have

not really been hit,

no. Yeah. Chill down. Schubert he's chilled out. Chill out future.

Yeah, no, I hate that. I really think that they should always just have kids strive for the same success. No matter what gender,

A hundred percent. It's absurd. It is it's so disgusting. I hate it so much. But

anyway, but yeah. So we got six kids.

Six boys we're fully outnumbered fully outnumbered and We will eventually get to stuff of us out in public. But it's hilarious when. We're out in public. It's insane. What have we done just recently? We did the Bronx zoo over the summer. That was super fun. That was literally just me, you and the kids. We

have to do that again. So easy. That was the best one. I think that they're worse. The more

adults are around same. And I think that setting was so good because that was so much more relaxed. There was so much room. Honestly, we went on a good day because it wasn't that busy. Nope. And we kinda just, we were like, we have no plan. We're just going to go with the flow. And that's how it has to be with six kids,

Because when we're like, oh, this has to happen now. And we have to be here on time and we have to do this. Like it never fucking

works.

That was a really good day. And then we did the soccer game, which was

terrible for my son.

Oh, yes. Terrible. But that was like, that was a lot more people though. It was great. For your kids. Yeah. That was an experience. It was just past that time. It was late. We did the walk, the Halloween walk. It was super fun. Yeah. There also we pay it's a good day to go. It was raining. Yeah, it was fine. Yeah. It ended up being fine. Like literally stopped raining as we started walking, which was great. And then I feel like we do good. We do well when the kid just have like space, they need freedom to run. They need the freedom. Especially for gage and Lincoln, like they literally were like running, like they would run a little ahead, run back, run a little ad, run back. They were going all over the, and there was the space for that, which is good. I think

it's important for us to realize that we have to meet our kids where they are. Yeah. I feel like so many people are like they should like this and they should do this. I even like Brock agency, the monster trucks, like monster jam the other day. How was that we've gone twice before and he loved it this time. He was like, it's loud, it's scary the things. And I think it was just too much. Yeah. Just needs. Space to run around and get his energy out. Anything I have that I'm like

sick.

You have to play with where they are

like. This isn't a good age to do. Sit down things that are loud and wild. My kids just needed to be spraying. Yeah. I know. It's just rough on the island. Winter's so hard. And it hasn't even

been a bad winter. It has to be here. Like you guys didn't even go to winter. Okay.

Okay. Once it's rained a lot. Yeah. It's rain a lot, but it's just regardless, like it's not, it's not as cold as it usually is, but it's still just like a lot to bring the kids outside. Like it's so much, I just needed to be sunny and, and the wetness, like going back to the, a lot of rain, like every time we went to the park, it was wet. It was what, every time I go into the pockets. Like how his back yard. It's what? We don't want them rolling around the grass when it's damp plague. It's just like a headache. It's just

disgusting. It's just a headache. I have so much more work.

Literally that it's so much more work. We do enough. Okay.

We're doing. We want it to be a perfect 70 degree day. Dry, no humidity.

Not interrupt.

It's a raid the diet before, but enough to water my plants with dry up by board egg, is that okay? That sounds beautiful. Perfect. Where can we go that. That is a thing. Tell the. I had to figure it out. Write fantasy. Very badly.

Where they spray yummy sense in the. Smells like

popcorn. Fucking love it.

All right. Let's talk about our husbands. Oh,

So I've been married to Tony. God fucking, how many years? So many years. I got married when I was at advanced ed.

I've been married by. My

dad's side to be a wage rate to be in for a goat. No, I got married at 25, so I am. God, I'll be married for nine years. This may love it, which

feels like an eternity.

I don't know what you're going to say. I don't know because everyone knows what'd you get married past five years. You're like ed, it's been forever. I don't remember life prior to marriage at this boy, which is weird. So yeah, I've been married to my husband forever. We've been together for gosh. It'll be 12 years in may. Which literally feels I dunno. It's over a third of my life at this point, right? Yeah. That's a long time. Mapping. Yeah, it is. Yeah. That's wild. I'm doing math in my head. I'm uncomfortable. So, yeah, we've been together a really long time. Prior to having the kids we have now we fostered two other children. who we were fostering while we were fostering our oldest, who we adopted. So we went from no kids to two kids, to three kids. Jeff for kids to three. So that's a wild situation. Yeah.

We'll dive deep into that one.

And, uh, he is fine. Jody is fine. Why don't you save

at toady? He's an incredible father. He's a great dad. He is super dedicated. Both our husbands. We have to say our really incredible fathers. They are a great job. Yeah, we'll give them that. There's some other areas that they can. Stop fucking up.

Let's start with Derek gray. And we'll end up with oh my fucking God, can you

believe it? We're going to talk a lot of shit about our husbands, but also it's out of love. We'll have moments where we remind each other that like the things that we're talking shit about is so minuscule compared to what they do do for us and what they do do for the kids.

But also we take so much of what they do for granted at this point, because we're like, that's

our worst spoiled worst. We are very spoiled. Yeah. Oh, we're both like stay at home moms. I was joking to Mac the other day. I'm like you created this fucking brat and then you. Proceed. So tell me I'm abroad. Like what. No. I was a single mom. Struggling. Jobs.

And here we are. We're like me, a cleaning lady.

Do you want to start a podcast?

Uh, I think. We have some extra time.

Do you want to hire a babysitter? Okay.

And hired babysitters. We did not do no. We didn't do that. We're

working fully around the clock. Yeah, my kids on

the other side of this wall, my husband has my kids. We actually have no hard things. There's no hired help.

No, I wish there was never really, I've

never hired anyone to watch my kids. Ever, I've never paid anyone to watch

my kid. I don't think I have either. No, I don't. Max and I are, are right now in the process of trying to find someone, which I have someone like in mind, She's in college and she's adorable. And the couple of times that she did meet Damie, he was like stash. Struck by her. So I'm like, oh, maybe this is someone that's good. Where did you find her? So it's, Max's mom's best friend's daughter. Okay. I did her makeup a couple of times for prom. Okay.

I think that's perfect. Cause that's what you need. You need somebody to not family. Because family gets complicated. And also someone you don't mind paying cause paying family is

weird. There's sometimes where I feel like I have to ride my sisters and I love you guys, but I shouldn't have to fucking pay you. I'm not paying family to watch me. I'm not, I would honestly rather pay someone else. But I

like that you know her through someone, right? I'm not going to no offense, care.com or something like that. No.

I mean, listen, I understand people that need to do that because they truly don't have anyone. Of course, but I mean, I've put a lot of thought into this and just like the last time she popped in the house I was like, She would be someone that's good. Yeah. No, I think that's, I like that for you. Yeah,

you definitely need someone. Like I have a lot more support badging

cause you have your parents and your in-laws my

parents, my in-laws or my sister-in-law.

My brother honestly has been super helpful lately. Your kid right now. He has my kid right now. Shout out Jimmy, the green giant. He's been super helpful lately. But other than that he's also like starting his business. A single dad. I don't, I don't want to put too much on him and expect too much out of him. So, yeah, that that scenario would be perfect. I really just need like maybe two or three days during the week, like for an hour or two in the morning and then like maybe once a month, like for us to go out to dinner, like for a night thing,

that's going to segue us into our next

conversation. Yeah. We're definitely going to talk about that on our next episode. Nights out nights out. A little bit of mom guilt or without your significant others. Yeah, we're going to talk about that because I feel like. That's like a major conversation. It's a major conversation because we don't do it enough. And like we have these. Like somewhat expectations in our

brain. Oh, I, you have no idea. Like my husband and I we'll get into this, but like our expectations of what we should be able to accomplish without our kids. When we have five seconds of babysitting. Is absurd. I know because we'd never. Get like extended periods of time without that like never an hour here and there. But that doesn't like, That doesn't satisfy what we actually need.

And it's so crazy because We're saying. Mom, so that's our job, but like that's not all of us. No, we do. We need. We need to be people realities. Yeah, we need to be people. Yeah. Like a life outside of being a mom. Because we make our kids our life so much that like what, because they hurt lives. But

we've lost so much of who we were prior to kids

within our kids. And we say we joke around that we live, we've lived so many lives, but I feel like none of that is still resonating with me. No, because

when you think about it, you're like, yeah, I did so much and life was so crazy. And then you're like, but now I'm a mom. I see Danny, go on. Repeat. Uh, my whole like outage is taking my baby for a walk so he can nap.

Yeah. what do we

do other than

that? Nothing. Oh,

nothing. So that's the thing. This is us trying to figure out who the fuck we are. Yeah. In addition to

being parents. Absolutely. We want to break it down to where we're. Where people again, we need to be people again, 'cause so have to fill your cup up before you can put your oxygen mask.

That always worried me out.

That really weirds me out, honestly, whatever I think about it, I'm like, I am for sure. Saving my fucking kid before. I could see myself

putting my oxygen mask on someone else's purse, like literally. They're getting those masks. Yeah. I will just die. I don't know how they will survive without me. And when I do die in that, at least they'll survive. At least they'll be

alive, so they'll figure it out. That's like the, do you see that whole, this is really random, but that whole thing on went viral about wow. I say it, it was like, uh, there was complications during birth. Okay. You take the baby's life before, like you saved the mom before you save the baby. Tony

and I had this conversation before I gave birth.

I didn't have this conversation. There was this whole thing. No, we didn't really, I wasn't even thinking about it until after it was a couple months ago that it went viral everywhere. It was like, save the mom, not the baby. And

Tony had this whole conversation before

I gave her. I said, save the baby. Some of the people were like a hundred percent. I truly get it. But they were like, oh why would I save someone that I haven't even met yet?

That's Tony. Tony said he would save me not the baby. And I said, you have to save the baby. Not me. We talked about it all the time. We never talked about this. I don't know. I assume, I guess, because we talked about it. I assumed every like couple had

talks about it after the fact. I don't remember what he said. I'm sure he

said you. Because Tony was like, I don't want to have a baby without you. And I'm like, sorry, but that's the outcome. That's, it's literally pull the plug on my side. We'll figure it out because there's no way that baby's going to die and I'm going to stay alive. But, I mean, everyone has their own opinions on this.

Fucking terrible. So there are a lot of know how we got there.

Welcome. Welcome to the podcast.

Oh, my God. Let's explain what we're going to do. Okay. So what

we're going to do is at the end of every episode, we're going to say. This was our best momming moment of the week. Like something that we feel like we were successful at. And then our mayhem moment is going to be something that either our kids did that were out of control. Like just something like random that they said or did or

something wild.

So you want to go first? What was your momming moment this week?

Mommy moment. I had a lot of mommy moments with Damien this week. Where I just he did things and I just looked at him and I'm like, wow, I'm so fucking lucky. Yeah. Like he is so beautiful and he's such an angel and he is so good. Because you have such a gentle baby. He's so. But it's so funny because his personality changed so much when it's just him and I, yeah, of course. When the brothers are there. I mean, that's normal. Yeah. When the brothers are there, he's a little bit more wild. Like he jumps in on them wrestling now. But he's like a sweet, gentle. I had so many moments of just I just love him so much. I know. I didn't really get to love on Benny and Lincoln, the way I love Damien. Cause I was like in fight or flight for,

I mean, you had a different, they had a different childhood. You were a different person then.

All right, go ahead and share your mom moment.

My mama man. I guess. Gauges he's at a very difficult age for everything. He doesn't want to do anything. I tell him to do. He's not listening to anything. Oh my God. He's driving me insane. I've been trying to like, breathe and realize that I have to like, validate what he's feeling. Because that's why he's acting this way. Like he's acting this way because not only does he not want to do it, but he wants to feel validated why he doesn't want to do it. Of course. Yeah. So I've made it like an appoint to continue to be like, I know this is hard for you. I understand that you don't want to go to bed or you don't want to do this. Breathing

before you react.

And also like realizing that my reaction has to be about him and not about me. So I've been

working really hard on that. Good. And I love that for you. But it's, it's hard. It's hard. It's not easy. No, it's never easy to look within and be like because

so much. I'm sure we'll talk about this deeper, but so much of parenting. Is about ego, right?

Absolutely. I'm embarrassed. Also understanding that yeah, they're underdeveloped humans, but like they're still humans. Especially when there's still people, younger kids. Yeah. You always expect the older to act older

Because you're like, I'm dealing with a younger one. You should be more mature,

but he's still a baby. Yeah, so you need to be like literally a toddler still coddle

him and support him where he's at. Instead of expecting more from him and then my mayhem moment. Oh, God, I don't even know which wine they're really fucking nuts. I don't know, gauge has been naked twerking every time. I ask him to change his clothes. He just takes off his clothes at the. Rudra by house at twerking for. I don't even understand why. The other day out of nowhere, he started counting nipples. We were all wearing shirts. He was just like, mommy's have two nipples. Daddy has to depose gauges to, to. Let's do both. And I was like, what is. Y.

My mayhem moment of the week. I got a phone call from Lincoln school. Did I tell you this? No. What happened? He dropped the F bomb in the middle of class. Course he did.

We love him.

Y. He got an answer wrong and he just straight up said, fuck. You know what,

at least it was like a proper

response. I said, did you say, did you call someone. Did you say like fucker? Yeah. And he's no, I got an answer wrong. And I was like,

Solid, you know what? I am not mad.

Honestly, he was just mad at himself.

It was like, when

you asked to hear the teachers though, I'm not even kidding. She calls me and apparently like they were doing things in groups and it was Lincoln and three other girls. Oh, God, of course he had to be with girls. And she said. The girls were S more to Photoshop. Like they were so upset and they were shocked. And I was like, if you don't mind me asking, what word did he say? Lee, this was before I knew. And I thought is my moment. But then she was like, he said the F word and I was like, oh, all right.

You were like, I'm sorry. But these girls have heard

much.

Honestly, whatever every parent

does. Please. They were so upset. We're shaking. They were trembling in their boots.

That'd be removed. The glass. Take it. You

know, And then the counselor and then. Just want to run this by you. How does this make you feel? All right. If she calls me, that's the teacher called me. The teacher, the assistant teacher and the vice principal. I'm like

a telephone call, are all

three of these women in one room with my son? No. Not okay. That seems insane. That's what I said, but max was like, whoa, they were. There. That feels like a lot for. For a nine-year-old. She said that this has happened multiple times and they had to have a couple of conversations and that's why they felt like it was time to call me and I'm like, okay. You call me separately. The

first time, call me the first time. And then I'll know how many times this has happened and why we have three. Like a principal, vice principal and a teacher around. I don't be like, oh, this has happened a million times before.

I heard his voice. Like he was like scared, but Lincoln, like he's scared, but he's not scared. But I like, I was like, can you take me off speaker so I can talk to myself? And she was like, uh, yeah, so she takes me off and he gets on, he's hi mommy. And I'm like, you're not in trouble. I'm like, are you okay? Yeah. He has three women in the room. Reprimanding. And talking down

to him. It's three women of power who are showing

that. That was okay though. I don't think it's okay. No, I don't like it at all. Okay, good. At least. I don't feel crazy.

I agree. I agree. I disagree. If you

disagree. I disagree. Yeah, exactly. The max didn't agree with it, max. I mean, max agreed with the way they handled it. Yeah. It disagreed with us. He disagreed with me. And I was just like, all all right. You can have your opinion. Yeah, but max and I have a little bit, but also it leads back to like how we were raised, obviously. That's what we should talk about how we were

raised. Let's do that next. Yeah, that'll give a lot of deeper understanding of why we are the way we are. We're literally not far. We are batshit crazy. Shit for real. Our husbands are like, We're doing four. Because if you think about it, both of our husbands come from families that are still married. Okay. Both their parents are still married. Is anyone in Max's family divorced?

No, not really. His grandparents are still together. Yeah.

Nobody in Tony's family is divorced except for his sister now, but that happened two years ago. Yeah, but like when he was being raised, like nobody was divorced. Everyone's stuck through it with the kids and stuck through all good bad times.

I can't relate. I can't really,

everyone in my family's been divorced like three times literally like constantly, oh, no, wait, there's another divorce. We just accept it. We're just like cool. There's another person at Christmas. Someone else has gone. Whatever. That's normal.

Yeah, so oh, we could totally talk about that.

There's so many levels of like weirdness and I don't know. I feel like we both got married to these people because of their stable lives.

A hundred percent. Like we rely on their stability,

we soar their stability. Uh, we said we're clinging on. Take us for the ride.

Okay. Because I'm going to make your family, my family.

I'm going to say. I've I fuck it up, but I'm trying my best.

But it also adds balance to our kids. Oh, yeah,

I think it's good. I think it's good for everyone to see it. I talked to a lot of people about this, honestly. 'cause I feel like a lot of relationships are like the one person who comes from an insane family. And then another one who comes from a super normal family. And then they're like meshing together and then

everything's confusing. but it's good for it's good for balance. It's good for the kids to have both sides of it. Yeah, because max and I are coming from completely different family dynamics. But then like we mesh and we, you figure it out. And you, you

know, I think it's good, but I just think it's so funny. Cause there's definitely certain subjects where I'm like, I don't think Tony understands. Anything I'm saying, oh,

no, there's multiple conversations where I'm like, You don't get it. You don't get it. But just

because they haven't experienced it. So like they can't

get it. No, and, and you can't blame them for not understanding it. I do still. I do still. Sometimes

I know I can't. I still do. I'm I don't know. we're traumatized

for life. Yes. Yeah. But all right let's wrap this up then. All right. So.

I guess we'll talk

about. What did we say? We're talking about next.

Uh, next episode. We might be talking about. Something. Next episode. We'll definitely be talking about something, something, something,

All right. We'll see you guys next time. Bye. Bye.