So I had 21 sales calls in a row, and all of them was a hard no.

I felt so rejected.

I felt like I lost all confidence in myself.

I really did not want to take any more sales calls.

In today's episode, we're going to talk all about the fear of rejection.

Talking about, like this, the building up the resilience that is needed for any entrepreneur building anything in sales.

And we are going to go through the emotional part and the emotional journey of what it is like to be a coach dealing with rejection and growing through building resilience.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

And the first thing that comes to mind when I.

When I think about, like, fear of rejection or actual rejection is that I did an event back in five years ago now, and there were 30 people participating.

Those 30 people, I worked with them for free to help them get their first clients into their.

Into their business.

And I remember, and it was so clear.

We had a.

Like, we had a great week.

Like, it was seven days.

We had a great week, worked really, really hard.

And when it came to me giving my offer and extending my hand saying, like, hey, let's.

Let's continue this journey.

Let's continue to grow together, the people say no and don't actually buy my program.

I don't have a problem with that.

If that is a good decision for them.

Like, that's not the case.

But what happened was that in this event, there was one guy that set up a structure outside of what we did and was a Facebook group.

And he was kind of like inviting everyone to be like, hey, let's continue this.

I've created a Facebook group where we can just support each other.

And I had.

With those 30 people, I had sales calls with everyone.

And I got five clients out of those 30 calls.

And the most common objection or most common answer I got when I asked if they wanted to join me was that, no, we.

We already have a thing on the site.

And I.

That was super hard for me to deal with.

I mean, I could have dealt with the, like, no and objections and have a conversation about why not.

And.

And.

And then coming to terms like, okay, cool, but that they set something up outside and didn't invite me and did it alone.

It kind of felt like I took people home for a dinner party and I served them the appetizer.

I served them the main course.

And then, like, just at the end of the main course, some of them stood up and said, like, hey, I live just around the corner.

Let's go to my place and have dessert.

I have this Amazing ice cream, blah, blah, blah.

And then, Lucas, this has been so great.

Thank you so much for hosting us and we'll see you another day.

You're not invited.

That's what it felt like.

And I remember that I didn't know what to answer.

I was just.

I was just like every.

Every ounce of energy and passion just flew.

Flew out of me.

And I had worked so hard.

I'd given my heart and soul during this event to help them get started in their business, only to be able to invite them to let.

Like, can I.

Can I help you further to.

To get all of the stuff you want?

I'm curious.

What was the thing that you're feeling?

Because, like, was it being left outside?

They did it without you or being, like, feeling like you were taking advantage.

Of absolutely 100% that they took advantage of, like, the circumstance and then.

And then left me out?

Obviously it's a combination of both, but, you know, take what I give.

I'm all good with that because it's not conditional.

But use me and.

And then leave.

It's a hard thing for me personally.

My biggest fear in life is always the fear of being left out.

Way bigger for me than I'm scared that I'm not good enough or I feel like I.

I.

Being left out is.

That's my thing.

So if you really want to hurt me, then do that.

That's interesting because.

No, but it is okay.

I.

Because it's.

I understand that thing.

I understand that thing being left out.

For me, it was.

It would be the other thing, feeling that I'm not good enough, starting pounding myself in the head.

That's what.

Where my go to place was, pounding myself in the head, saying I'm not good enough.

Why would they do this?

What is it I did not succeed with.

And I see this is a common thing, especially in the beginning of your business, right?

Especially in the beginning, before you really had that evidence to yourself that you know what you're doing.

And no, it's not a personal thing, but I believe a lot in the beginning, especially for coaches, because you.

You kind of sell yourself.

You sell yourself your own service, but you're the product.

Which also means that the rejection of buying you or the product also feels like it's a personal rejection of you as a human being.

And I believe a lot of people are stopping themselves.

At least that's what I got into in the beginning when I got 21 no's in a row.

I definitely got into, well, I'm not good enough.

People don't believe I'm good.

That's what I started thinking.

And the second thing that happens after that, I believe.

And I talked to a few clients not so long ago about this and I heard it numerous times that they stop doing the things because they're afraid of getting more no's.

I had someone saying to me because she was also doing an event and said so how many did you invite to, to the take a sales call?

And she was like well I didn't really invite, I do a clear pitch.

And she was like well I, I, I asked her so why, why didn't you follow like the script and, and do your pitch?

And she said well, because if they want to work with me, they can just let me know.

You see that is, that is a way of putting yourself into a situation where you cannot be rejected because you never give them the option to reject you.

Yeah, it's kind of like if I'm going to have a boyfriend, that boyfriend is going to ask me out.

It's not going to be the other way around.

Like boyfriend because of this scenario, because about a woman, not because I want a boyfriend.

Just so that we're clear about that.

Not that it's any wrong or any fault or anything.

No, but you know, the self criticism, I absolutely do that as well.

I can, I can beat myself up like pretty good as well.

But it's not the, it's not the emotional trigger.

And in this case like if it was just sales calls and I was speaking to them and I got, I got no's from from them, my, my head would probably be in a different place.

But because they, the reason was that we are this and you're not invited.

I felt like, kind of like they had no idea how many hours that week that I, that I was like focusing on them.

This was in the beginning of my career as well.

So I was measuring and tweaking and being everywhere to make sure that all of them got outstanding results and got hands on help.

Because I needed to learn what works and what doesn't.

Like you can wake me up in the middle of the night.

I know exactly what, what needs to be done.

But back then I had to learn that.

So I was working that week.

I believe I spent at least 40 hours just making sure, being live on stage and then working, working off camera to make sure that they have the right, got the right guidance.

So that like it was just the sherry on top that made it even more emotional, even, even like even worse.

And, and then with this, with the self Criticism, of course, I believe we all have that in our different ways.

And even, like, so do I as well.

But I totally.

I totally recognize what you're saying.

I recognize it as a phenomenon, but I also recognize it in.

In your behavior and your personality or your Persona, because I know you.

So I think when you're starting off and you're getting all of these rejections, it's, It's.

It's a learning curve.

It's.

It's about experience to get on the other side.

Because now, like, being in this business, I've been doing sales literally for, I don't know, about 30 years since I started doing sales.

So it's not like I've never been rejected before.

I did phone sales.

I've been rejected big time.

But that was different that back then, because they could not see me.

It was not me.

It was another product they bought.

But I think it's very different when.

When you're in front of someone and.

And they believe, like when you're getting stuck into the idea that it's about you, you make it personal.

It's about me.

They don't like me.

They don't want me.

They don't like what I'm doing.

I'm not good enough.

So I think a good thing was to start off with is just realizing, like, what isn't a rejection I've had before in my life that turned out to be even.

Because a rejection you're getting right now is just a no thing.

It's not.

It's not the end point that you are rejected.

It's just a no right now.

It's not just a, I'm not ready to move forward right now.

It's not the thing, really.

So how can you remind yourself that you had rejections a lot of times in your life and there would be something better out of it?

Yeah.

No, because.

Because to me, that's one of the biggest things that I can recognize.

Most people are going through that.

People come from a background of sales.

They're comfortable in sales and they know what they're doing.

But at the moment they start to sell their coaching completely, it's being turned upside down because.

Because for the first time, they're selling themselves.

And they stand both for the product, but also behind the product.

Everything about the product is.

Is them personally.

Yeah, and I get that.

But what I also.

But what I can also recognize is that when you start taking sales calls and you are, like getting those first nos, what can we do?

You asked what you can do is that you can.

You can build a routine or a ritual for yourself that helps you to realize that we.

We said it in another episode.

Business is all about the numbers.

And it's a.

It's a numbers game.

So if we can.

If we can detach.

So one of the.

One of the best strengths you can have in business is to apply yourself 100%.

Invest every ounce of emotion you have into the action you're taking, so that you can allow yourself to be passionate while doing whatever it is you're doing, but then detach from the outcome, the result, because the result is just a result, and the result is a natural outcome, depending on the actions that we took or didn't take.

So if we can detach from.

From the emotional connection to whatever outcome we got, what we can get then is that we can understand that the more I do this, the more I do this, and the more I do this, I will eventually get the outcome.

And every no then turns into another small step on the journey towards the next yes.

And if we can play that game instead, then we can high five a person that says no and then take the next call.

The next level would then be when someone says no, we want to qualify.

Is this a legitimate no?

Is there a good reason for this?

No, and it can be.

But if it's.

If it is time and if it's a good fit, and if I can see that I can help them.

My goal is to figure out, is there more I can do to serve this person, to give them the best possible opportunity to say yes to my program?

Because that's another thing.

Because people are so emotionally connected to no, I can't do that.

Okay, sorry.

Then thanks for a good call.

Instead of just taking a second and just reading it in and say, hey, like, just.

Can I ask you a curious question?

The conversation that we had 10 minutes ago, you were on fire, and this was so important.

And the moment I asked you to start taking a step towards something that can make that happen, I felt your energy shift and your energy went down.

And you're now coming across as someone who want to pause and take it easy.

Can I just ask how come?

Or can you recognize that?

Can you see that for yourself?

Because it's a pattern.

It's when we're asking someone to take the step that makes the difference, it's not the most comfortable thing to do for any human being, sales or no sales.

So it's very important to kind of rewind and just take a breather and say, hey, I'm here.

To help this person.

And I'm going to help this person to be a clear no or a clear yes.

That's my game.

Whenever I do a sales call, that's the end of, end of the line.

When I get a clear this is not a good fit for me, then I'm 100% I high five them or if they're yes, but if they are, I don't know if they are.

I got to think about it.

If they are anywhere but yes or a no, then it means that they need some help.

And it's like I can help them to figure that out.

And I am not invested whether they say no or whether they say yes because I'm going to get my clients anyway.

Definitely.

And I also feel like there's a step to get to that point to be able to do what you're saying right now.

Because the reason that is not happening is there's two beliefs that is common at this point.

First of all, when I'm rejected it means that I'm not good enough.

And if that is my default, okay, this one doesn't want it.

I don't believe I'm good enough.

I can't do it.

You want to get out of the call.

That's why you close down the call quickly.

You don't really get to that quick like question these things as you're doing right now.

But I also have another belief.

It's a very limiting belief and it's also a very false, false belief because I tend to hear people saying yeah but it's easy for you because you know how to do it or you're successful or something like that.

It feels like people believe that people are successful.

They don't feel self doubt, they don't feel, have these emotions themselves.

And I can, I, I can assure you that I mean we rather successful.

We've done 5, almost 6 million cash collected euros in our business in less than five years.

We meet a lot of people who are way, way ahead of us doing 10 millions a month.

And still they can have self doubt about some specific areas.

But you only have self doubt in an area done it enough.

It's about training, it's about experience.

When you've done it enough, you understand the thing that you're getting at.

It's not a personal thing, it's not about you.

Yeah, there's so many levels to this because like we, we are also taking into account like comparison syndrome here.

So like comparing ourselves with, with whatever it is that, that we can see out there.

Well it's easy for that person to say because he, he or she has this, that or this.

Doing good at this.

Yeah, you have this great thing.

But the only reason it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a game that's just like, it's, it has one end destination and it's nowhere close to success.

Because the reason is that the reason why people are good at stuff is because they have trained and they have, and they have done it until it wasn't a problem anymore.

But any problem that someone says that they have, I can share that.

I had a similar problem once I were at that place.

Yeah, absolutely.

Knowing what that person knew.

So when it comes to impairing and saying yeah, it is for you to say because you.

Blah, blah, blah.

Yeah, that could be a part of it.

Like it seems to be working for everyone else.

Kind of the Instagram syndrome where you're just showing off the best part of your life and then when you go on Instagram and scroll, it seems like everyone has such a great life and my life sucks.

But, but that is, that is definitely a part of the self criticism that we expose ourselves to.

And I think like it's a part of it is unavoidable because we're all human beings.

But I also think that it's to some degree, it's not entirely unhealthy to reflect and recognize if you can just take it one step further.

If you can just train yourself to take it one step further.

Okay, so why is it that this person seems to be able to do what I want to do, but I can and reflect on it?

Because then all of a sudden the moment you see something you haven't seen before, you're filling in the gaps of what's missing.

And if we can all fill in the gaps of what's missing and then everyone would have a successful coaching business or a business that what in whatever area or be successful in life.

But the problem is that in order to get to that point, it takes resilience.

And that is the next thing you need to build that resilience up.

Building a business is the best personal development that you can do.

And how.

I mean, if there's one thing about resilience, it comes from a commitment, right?

Yeah.

Because if you haven't really committed to have the business, if you're testing business, you're trying, if it will work, I'm gonna test and try.

There is a try.

There is no try.

Resilience come when you decided this needs to Happen.

There's no other way.

Then I need to do it again and again and again and again and again and again and again until I get it to work.

That is making a clear decision that I'm gonna do this.

That will build up the resilience.

And, yeah, there's a reason why this few people, most people, businesses only exist for, like, less than a year or less than five years if they manage this far, because people give up way too fast.

So resilience is absolutely key.

And I kind of want to look back to what you said before, because I believe that is the key.

I'm going to get to it.

I had one point of where everything changed, and that was actually a sage call in the coaching business.

I was about a year, year and a half into the coaching business, and I had a seized call with a.

And this person said to me, okay, no, I'm not interested.

I.

I don't think we're good fits.

I don't think this is a good thing.

And I made the decision.

I was so scared doing this because it was so uncomfortable, because I felt like, okay, I'm not good enough, and all of this, but I did another thing.

This time, instead of just saying okay and just shoot me down, I said to myself, I need to find out what does this person actually mean?

What does it mean?

And not just what the story I would, like, default to, but what does this mean?

So I asked the person, I said, yeah, okay, I get it.

I totally get it.

And that's fine.

You know what?

I really would appreciate if you would give me some feedback on my sales call with you, just so I understand what.

What.

How.

What.

What was your experience?

And so is it okay with you if you.

If you have just, like, 10 minutes, can we just go back on a Zoom call?

I'm just open to hear some feedback.

And she said, yes, I would love to do that.

And we went back on Zoom, and I.

There was no me, not me trying to convince Sell anything.

I was literally there to listen.

And I asked her.

So, hey, I completely understand.

Can you please share with me what was the thing that.

The reason why you said no?

As you said to me, you know what?

There was one thing, and that one thing was that you felt.

It felt like you were not present with me.

It felt like you came in and you were thinking about something else.

I did not feel your presence.

And I kind of lost a little bit of trust in you.

And I was just so happy because instead of me just saying I was stupid, I finally, this Time wrote down, oh, my.

I could completely understand her because, yes, she was right.

Because when I was coming in, I was a little bit late out of another call, and I was still stuck in my head about something else, which meant that I was everywhere in that Zoom room in the beginning, instead of just like looking at her and welcoming her and doing the things, I was a little bit all over the place.

So I completely understood it, and I understood that it wasn't personal.

But the best thing was that six months after that, this woman became a client and she came to me by herself and said, you know what?

I need a coach now.

But I couldn't stop thinking about you because I've never met anyone else who actually writes to me after a sales call and ask if I can get some feedback.

And the way you took the feedback said everything about you because it told me that you actually cared.

And it was, you're not here to push anything on me.

So I trust you now more than I've trusted anyone before.

I want to.

I want you to be my coach.

And she became a really good client.

The key is that when we start thinking it's about us and we start getting curious and understand that our rejections can be the goldmine in our business if we utilize them.

So instead of just going to a default, we need to find out what was it actually about?

Not what I think, because it's so easy to go into mind reading.

Oh, I think this person thinks so and so and so.

But we never know.

And if we humble enough and stretch out our hand, we can always ask, so can I get some feedback and understand what is it really about?

And for me, that meant that after that call with that lady, I never again went on a Zoom call, not prepared and not being curious from connecting with that person.

Which meant that my.

My closing rate went up just for getting that feedback because now I knew and I would not make that mistake again.

So the closing rate went off.

And I think it's about shifting the perspective.

So instead of looking at our rejections as a rejection, we can look at what is the.

It's not a failure, but it's.

It's.

It's feedback.

What is its feedback on?

What is it?

I'm here to learn from this rejection.

That is the quickest way to change it and get to the point where you act right.

Where you will just be curious asking questions is when you understand, okay, it's an opportunity for me to get some feedback and become better at this skill set that changes, I believe everything it.

Does, it's really, it's a really good example.

And the faster you can become because what, what that story tells as well is that the, the faster you can become dissociated with answer or their decision, yes or no and just be like both, both are great answers and we can give that space to people.

It's like that's, that's one of my biggest takeaways.

The moment I realized that I genuinely don't care what you believe is best for you.

That's when I started to get a lot more yeses than, than, than I had before.

When it doesn't become about you.

Well, when it doesn't become, when, when, when the conversation isn't angled towards like there is a good answer and there's a.

Because if I can give them space enough to figure it out for themselves, hanging out with me or doing more stuff or buying my coaching becomes a much easier decision to make because, and it's, it's the same thing.

If I'm, if I'm, if I'm pushing or if I'm, if I'm kind of directing the conversation, they're going to feel it and when they feel it, they're going to feel that I don't have, like I don't have any space to make up, make up my own mind.

Then they're going to go on somewhere else.

And the greatest thing about it, I'm not going to turn this into like how to facilitate sales calls.

But, but the great thing about it is that when we can be dissociated from the process to help them to make a good decision and then while being comfortable with I genuinely don't care, I'll get my clients anyway and then add perspectives and ask questions.

That's when you can start to dig like and actually help them to figure out their mind because we are not invested in should it be this way or that.

Yeah.

And then we can start handling objections and helping people to make up, make up a great decision for themselves.

Yes.

And that also comes to like focusing on the bigger picture.

The business is not about one sales call.

It's not about one rejection.

It's not about one thing.

That's just a moment right now.

But sometimes we need to zoom up.

We had a client in top 1% who could get really emotional and say, oh my God, everything is just bad.

This is bad, this is bad.

No one is buying.

I didn't close.

And once we started asking, so how was it really?

Well, I did get a bigger show up rate at my Bind.

I got this thing.

Oh yeah.

By the way, I did get more clients than I normally do.

So I got a better conversion.

But if we looked at from the big picture, everything was positive.

But she was so easy into like in the moment.

Looking at.

Oh my God.

That is just.

It's just bad.

It's really just focusing on the thing what didn't happen the way I wanted to.

I want this to work and it didn't work.

But sometimes we just need to raise ourselves up and look at it at the bigger picture.

Yeah, I love that.

I think it's been really interesting to have a chat about 100%.

We will put rejection reflection sheet.

Rejection reflection sheet.

Rejection reflection sheet.

Yeah.

Worksheet.

Because it's a worksheet we made for you to have by your side when you get a rejection for you to just write down.

So what was it really about?

If it's.

If you really don't think but start finding out what was it really about?

What was the lesson I got from this rejection like and then start gathering rejections like collect rejections.

The more rejections you can get, the more successful you'll become and the faster you will become successful.

It's just about getting.

Turning rejections into.

To gold really.

And then building resilience and building resilience correlated to the.

The responses that we get.

So the rejection reflection sheet we will.

That if you're watching this on YouTube you can download it.

If you're listening to this on Apple or Spotify into the link into our YouTube channel.

Make sure you download it and make sure you subscribe on each channel you're at.

You can always comment, you can follow us, ask questions and we also put.

It in our open Facebook group for downloads if you want to find it and if you're in our Facebook group or if you want to join our free Facebook group with just resources for to build your coaching business, you'll find it there as well.

Absolutely.