Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

experience. I'm your host Aurora, life coach and companion

on this beautiful journey called life. Today I'm recreating in

the outdoors, you might hear the snow melt in the background

and lots of dripping. Yeah, funny enough, I chose to speak

about your nervous system today. And how we need to learn to be

patient with our nervous system, when we introduce change into

allies, or when change is, so to say, happening upon us from the

outside. And just now when I wanted to record this episode,

my computer decided to mouth down. So to say, I'm not gonna

go into further details. But I had a choice, I had a choice to

meltdown myself and to just throw my precious laptop out the

window. Or I could listen to my dad's latest video from

Barcelona. He had visited Barcelona a couple of days ago

and decided to go to a Spanish guitar concert. So instead of

losing my shit, I had to decided to listen to that beautiful

music, Spanish guitar and kept my cool. downloaded a new

software onto my computer. And now everything is running

smoothly, again, very excited. But yeah, I was really given a

choice here. And in my younger days, I probably would have lost

my mind. So your nervous system. I want to start with an example.

Let's pretend that you grew up in a household where dispute

Express expressing anger was something totally normal. In

fact, the way you guys decided to express your emotions was

always related to arguments and anger. Yeah, you would laugh at

times when you watched a comedy or when something happened. And

you could laugh at the other person at your relatives. But

it's mainly anger that you were surrounded with this Prime's

your nervous system. So no matter what you experienced at

home, I'm just picking anger now because it's very easy to relate

to anger, at least for me. And you were exposed to a lot of

anger can be depression. If you grew up with a parent that was

depressed it can be. Yeah, ambiguity or unpredictability.

Your nervous system would always be on guard would always be

ready for Worst case scenario. But when it comes to anger,

let's say your nervous system is getting used to stress and your

whole body, your whole being is getting used to that

environment. And it is a way for us to survive. It is a way for

us to feel that we belong which in many, many episodes I

mentioned, because it is our strongest desire and a big need

that we feel that we belong. So no matter which environment you

grew up in, you adjust it, you compromised. You adapt it. Now

with the example of anger, you adapted to anger and expressing

anger is very natural for you. You're allowed. You express it.

You let it all out. It feels like when you suppress it when

you don't let it out you feel constipated, so to say on a soul

level. Maybe even on a physical level. You don't feel okay when

you're not allowed to express anger. Because this is what you

learned

is normal Fast forward into your adulthood, let's say you are in

your 30s and your 40s.

Maybe you're not married, maybe you are. But maybe you're

dating. And you happen to be with a personnel who's very

calm. And when they get upset when something is not going

their way, they choose words. They stay calm. And they express

themselves in a very different ways and what you are used to.

Now, this can either highly irritate you, or stimulate you.

Or you would want to reject that person, because you feel that

you cannot be yourself. You cannot express yourself, you

feel restricted. And the funny thing is that, yes, you feel

restricted in the way that you used to communicate. But there's

so many other ways that you can express yourself, but maybe you

haven't learned that yet. It is very interesting to observe

couples, young couples, or people that are just starting

out to date, they usually no put forward they're nice, nice

behavior, the good side, they never fight. They're always

joyous. They're excited to see each other. But come the one

year or sometimes two year benchmark. Chances are that you

went through a couple disagreements, a couple

discomforts. And it is there that you can see how different

we all grow up. We manage to approach conflicts differently.

Some are very energetic and very impulsive, very emotional about

conflict. And some people withdraw or become avoidant or,

yeah, totally shut down. When it comes to healing. The

interesting part about you know, being in an abusive

relationship, or growing up in an abusive household, is that

once you meet a partner, that is good for you, there will be

parts that feel wrong to your nervous system. Because they

don't stimulate you, like the people that you grew up with the

people that you experienced love with. And this is not meant in

any weird way. But it is through your mom, to your dad through

your siblings. Or if you grew up in a different environment, your

primary caretakers that you learn what love is, they prime

you so to say, but it is not necessarily the best version of

love for you. There's many different ways of experiencing

and living in love. And sometimes when we grow out of

Yeah, not so good pattern, when we hear we will encounter people

that set us off or trigger us or either under stimulate us or

over stimulate us, depending what we were used to. But this

is what I want to emphasize today is that sometimes the very

best thing for you the very best person for you the very best

decision for you and your future, your Higher Self your

best self feels awkward fields wrong to some degree fields

uncomfortable. And it is very important to keep in mind that

your nervous system has to slowly adjust. You cannot force

change upon you and nobody else outside of you can do it.

Although sometimes people think they can. But you can learn to

feel with your heart and with your mind that something

somebody who's standing in front of you might be damn right for

you. Yet your nervous system is still limping behind. It wants

you to be in the known. Right our mind always wants to be

knowing everything is always drawn to what we know best. But

it is not necessarily what is best for us. Sometimes it is so

worth it to choose discomfort. For some people, you know, that

are very active with online dating. They've been single for

a long time, and they just are becoming restless, they want to

be in a relationship, they want to have kids, they want to all

that jazz. And they did somebody that is their best match. But

they are bored. That oh my god, this is this is so quiet, this

is so calm. And even though their heart feels at ease with

them, the nervous system rejects them. Because it's not ready

yet. But you can train your nervous system. And you can

become aware that your nervous system is still a little bit

behind. But what you have sitting in front of you is

right. And so worth fighting for. That's why the path of

pleasure and desire. Fun is not always the right path for you.

I've learned that like two and a half years ago when I met my

partner, and my best friend by then said, Hey, you keep picking

the cherry and the whipped cream, go for the salary. And

what he meant by that is that I kept chasing people that were

unavailable. Sweet, exciting. And whenever I met somebody who

was calm and loving and opening up to me, I thought, Oh no, this

is not what I can handle. I'm not there yet.

was Alex my current partner I wanted to give myself a fair

chance I wanted to explore beyond that little boredom what

I felt and I feel so bad, so horrible when I say boredom, but

that's how I felt. I felt totally under stimulated yet my

heart was telling me this guy is good for your soul.

And I learned

that this overly stimulation outside of me was just a

reflection from my inside. I was so disturbed, so confused, so

lost inside that. Yeah, stimulation was keeping me in

check and calmness faced or mirrored the BS that was going

on inside of my head and my heart. And I wanted to run away

from it. But for some reason with this person, I decided to

stand still for a moment and to breathe through it and to see

what it has in stock for me. Instead of escaping, I decided

to dig deeper. And it served me very well. And this is why I'm

so passionate. I'm so yeah, I feel a deep urgency to share

this with you. Because when I've learned that my nervous system

was primed to something that is not serving me anymore, that is

actually not good for me. I was able to distinguish what is good

for me and what not. And remember my coaching. My

podcasting here is all about supporting you on your journey

to get to know yourself better. If you feel called to get

yourself to get to know yourself better. If you feel inspired

what I say I would love to hear from you. I would love to

connect with you maybe for a first free coach call or you

just leave me a comment or a review of what you think. If

what I do here is of any value for you if I was able to Yeah,

make you feel a little bit better and power you inspire

you. Please don't hold back from reaching out. Or maybe you want

to share this episode with friends or loved ones, our

family. take really good care of yourself and I will be out there

very soon again.