Welcome to the Mindful Dog Parent, the podcast for overwhelmed and anxious dog owners who are doing their best but still feel like they're getting it all wrong. I'm Sian, a trauma informed coach and ethical dog trainer. I created this podcast because dog parenting isn't always cute reels and perfect walks. Sometimes it's tears after training, guilt in the quiet moments, or just feeling like you're the only one struggling. If you've ever said, I love my dog, but this is really hard, you're in the right place. Each week, I'll bring you calm, compassionate guidance to help you build confidence, regulate your emotions, and reconnect with your dog. Even when things feel messy because you're not failing, you're just overwhelmed. And you don't have to figure this out on your own. I've ever sat on the sofa, treat pouch in hand, and thought, I just can't do this anymore. You are definitely not alone with that one. It's just something that people don't talk about because they don't want to admit that they feel like they're failing with their dog's training or their dog's behaviors taking over kind of all of their life. So when training starts to feel like it's too much and then the tips start to blur together, when your patience feels really thin, when guilt or exhaustion starts to creep in, it's not a sign that you failed. It's a sign that you and your dog both need a reset. Something isn't working and there's always a reason why. Dog's behavior always happens for a reason. So we just need to understand the why and shift things. But the reset comes first. Today, our episode is all about sharing what that reset could look like, how it could bring back a sense of calm in the middle of all the chaos. So why training starts to feel heavy. I'm going to go into that first. There's always some things that you can take away from the episode as well. And action. And to make things feel easier. So dog training feels heavy when you start to carry that double weight. So your dog's behavior and the emotion that is attached to it so you can see how it's not just one thing here. It's a double whammy. And I've mentioned this before, but that is why training feels heavy. We've talked about it in a previous episode. Burnout starts to build quietly. So if you started to kind of really think about how you're feeling, if you've had decision fatigue, which just means there are too many options and the decision making process in any situation has just become too much. So it could even be, what do you want for your dinner tonight? And that decision starts to become difficult and you become irritable when someone asks you that question. You can't make a decision. That's decision fatigue. The guilt in situations when it comes to things that we've talked about in previous episodes as well. I've actually got an episode specifically on dogma guilt comparison. So comparing yourself to other dog parents, your dog to other dogs, the invisible pressure to do it all. So you've got to do all the things all the time and be really good at it and be perfect at it and everything works really swimmingly smoothly. Nothing goes wrong. That is where burnout is going to start to build. Your dog's going to feel that as well. So. So when you're feeling frazzled and frazzled is a term that I like to use because it comes from Ruby Wax and she's all about mental health and her mental health company is called Frazzled. I think she's great because she talks about things on such a personal level. And yeah, that word frazzled, I think it's a really good word to describe how dog parents are feeling in these situations as well. There's a higher chance of dysregulation. So the nervous system is fight, flight, freeze. And sometimes people use fawn as well. That's one that is less common but is used quite regularly. So that feeling of being frazzled, your dog's going to feel that from you. That tension is going to build in your relationship with your dog and it's going to lead to dysregulation individually for both of you, but also with that connection that you have together. So a little story on this one. A client once told me that she felt like training was another full time job job. Now having a full time job anyway, working full time hours and then coming home and feeling like the training was another full time job, that is way, way too much pressure. She really loved a dog, but dreaded the effort that was needed or she thought was needed to get that training to work successfully. The truth was it wasn't about her skills and how well she was implementing it. It was about her state and how regulated she feel she felt. If she felt regulated and her nervous system was feeling safe and her dogs was the same, the training would have felt easier, that they would both have enjoyed it more. She would have put less pressure on herself for it as well. So it wasn't about how skill, skillful she Was there is a technique to training so kind of how quickly you reward them, what you use. There's things that we do need to understand. I'm not going to lie and say that it's only that regulation that means the difference between your dog doing something and not there is. This is the starting point, that regulation is where we start and it makes all the other steps feel much, much easier. And there is, like I say, a skill to doing these things. But once you understand them and you are coming at it from a place of feeling safe and regulated, you enjoy it, you find more successes, you spot the micro wins, you start to feel more motivated to keep doing it. So that's the idea. So what we want to do is start to shift the lens because training doesn't have to always mean doing more. And I think this is the trap that we fall into. And I used to as well because I thought, well, this isn't working, so I need to do more. Sometimes it means actually pausing and actually asking just two questions. What does my dog need in this moment? And what do I need in this moment? And that's it. What do I need? What does my dog need? And that shift starts to take that pressure off fixing and it puts the focus on connection instead because without that connection, even the best advice won't stick. So like I mentioned, we're trying all these things. We're coming at it from a place where we're kind of maybe too far up the ladder. We need to take a few steps back down the ladder and start from a place of feeling connected and safe and regulated and then those tips will start to stick. So I have three ways to find calm in the chaos, as I like to refer to it, the things that we've done. If you join me in the calm connection challenge, the free challenge that I ran a couple of weeks ago, we went into these, we started to practice them. I've mentioned them in my. I did a masterclass last night. So I ran that master class last night and we went into much, much more detail on that one, if you would like that. So I have got a replay available if you'd like a copy of that. I'll put the link to sign up to the mailing list in the show notes and you can watch that absolutely free. We go through these three ways to find calm in the chaos in more detail. So the first one is the anchor routine. We've gone through these before, but I think these things are really important and I've mentioned them, so they're not brand New, like, you know, innovations that no one's ever thought of. We're trying to make things as simple as possible for you because you're feeling frazzled, you're dysregulated, your dog's feeling the same way because they mirror our state. So these things are really simple. Anchor routine, one predictable thing every day. That could be the sniffy walk, a cuddle before bed, something that keeps you both connected and starts to help give you some stability. That one thing that you do together is going to help you individually, you and your dog individually and the connection that you have together. So that's just a little reminder, that little anchor routine, micro reset moments. Instead of cramming in pressured training sessions, weave in short moments of micro resets. So when you're doing a training session, training sessions shouldn't be any longer than five minutes anyway, but a little sniffy kind of time. So if you're in the garden some time to let your dog just go be dog and do some sniffing, a little scatter feed. So using one of their meals to scatter in the garden or hide around the house for them to go find some calm play. So it's not about kind of razzing it around the garden and playing chase and all of that, kind of getting a ball and that kind of thing. It's just some nice calm play where you can be interacting and feel again that connection that starts to help regulate your dog's nervous system and yours. So you can see how we're starting to help that connection and ourselves individually and then a one goal focus. So trying to juggle five different goals is never going to work. Choose one, and I always say choose one and do it for two weeks. Try and simplify things. You are going to see more progress in less time if you do that. It takes a couple of weeks for some things to start to embed because your dog might have learned a habit, they've learned behaviors that become a pattern for them. We have to start to undo that and do a different thing. Takes a little bit of time to do that. Just like with humans, if we try and build a new habit, it can take two weeks for that to start to build. That is neuroscience. So those are just, those are just the three things that I want to remind you of and to practice. We go into more detail in those, on those, sorry, in previous episodes. So do check out some of the previous episodes and kind of just go and see what resonates and I'll put a link in the show notes to some episodes that I think are relevant to the topic of today's episode as well. So invisible wins. I talk about this quite a lot because we always, again, focus in on the big things. We have to see big changes, we have to see the big things making some kind of impact because if we don't, it's not happening, something isn't happening in our minds. So progress isn't just about problem solving, it's about your dog recovering faster after barking. I use that as a really regular example because it's more obvious. Checking in more often, that might be something that you don't notice as much because you might be in your own world, out on a walk. Try and get that connection with them on a walk rather than kind of having those headphones in or, you know, putting something on to listen to. It can help you. But that connection with your dog's not going to form as easily. So try and have that connection and engage with them on their walk and just when they start to check in, give them that little reward for it. Settle in sooner at night, that's a big one as well. So lots of dogs can really struggle in the evenings. When we're ready to chill, they're not, they're ready to play. So we want to just start to spot these things where as we start to make these changes and these little shifts are happening. Settling sooner at night is a big deal. If you're only measuring that perfection, you are going to miss those wins that mean everything is starting to shift. And if you miss those wins and you think nothing's happening, of course you're going to give up. So try and spot those invisible wins. That is why I always, always encourage my clients to track even the smallest changes and I give them some ideas and things to spot and I look for these things as well in our sessions because when you see the progress, it does genuinely give you the energy to keep going. So Chloe with Chase, recently worked with them one to one. Chase was a six year old Rottweiler. He was a rescue as well. So he'd come into Chloe's home and he never knew how to settle, he never knew how to relax. He was doing a lot of barking at windows and doors and he was very reactive out on walks. So there was quite a lot going on for him, bless him, and he was very dysregulated. And something I wanted to mention to Chloe because I felt like there was some kind of anxiety there and they didn't think that there were things that were changing, but I could see that there were little things happening. So I told them to track micro wins. I said, you know, really try and make an effort just to spot little things that Chase is doing or not doing and write them down, have them somewhere obvious, keep them on your phone and you can look at them and you can start to see actually we are making some progress here and it really helped. The next time I went to their, their final session after going through that in their second session, they said that it really, really helped and it made a big difference and they did actually start to see that there were changes happening and they just made things less pressured on themselves and on Chase. So it really helped. So that is a really big one. Some gentle next steps. There's always something to do from the podcast, but never anything overwhelming. It should never feel overwhelming and if it does, I would question how much pressure you're putting on yourself, how much time you're trying to spend on something. Because these things should feel simple and easy to implement. So I want you to choose the anchor routine. If you haven't already or, or if you are doing it or you did do it and you've stopped, go back to it. This is your reminder to do that. Go back to that anchor routine. Building one micro reset every day. Really small things. If you are working on something with your dog, just have those micro resets. If you're not working on training with them, just try and do it anyway. So if there's something happening and it's in the evening and you think I just really need to make a cup of tea and sit down for five minutes, give them that time to go and reset themselves. So doing something individually, on their own, away from you, in order for you to go and make a cup of tea and write down one invisible win because that's really going to help. That's it. It's really simple stuff. It's really doable and it's really effective. And if you have been craving a bigger reset, something that ties all these pieces together because this is always a starting point and having something there that's step by step. I have literally last night just opened the doors to my brand new never seen before. I don't see anything like this out there. I have looked the Confident Dog Parent blueprint. It is a self paced course. It shows you how to start to build calm and confidence without burnout with your dog. I won't go into detail here, but if the message resonates, do check out the show notes for the link because it will be there and you can go and check it out and see if it feels like a good fit for you and your dog. I am here along with you as well. So this is me walking step by step, side by side with you through this. It's not about you going off buying the course and me never speaking to you ever again. This is me guiding you through every single step, you having all the tools you need with me there to support you. So go check that out. And my little sign off for today's episode is you don't have to do everything. You don't have to do it all. You do just need to keep showing up one small, compassionate step at a time. It's not about the big things. So showing up doesn't mean doing all the things, managing all of the things, juggling all the things, spinning all the plates. Ask for help if you need it. There are people out there that can help with these things, me included. If you just want to talk to somebody, if you just want to send a message to me about how things are going, how you're feeling, my inbox is open. So thanks so much for being here and I shall see you next time on the Mindful Dog Parent. Thanks so much for tuning in to the Mindful Dog Parent. If this episode gave you something to think about or it just made you feel a little less alone, I would love it if you followed the show and shared it with another dog parent who needs it. You'll find all the links and resources mentioned in the show notes@lavendergardenanimalservices.co.uk podcast and I would love to stay in touch so head there if you want to explore more ways to work with me or get support.