If you are awake enough to own your side of the

street, to feel your feelings, to see how your pattern

contributes to this dynamic that is everything. Owning your side

of the street is the most important thing you can do in

your life, in all of your relationships. I was talking to

my bestie last night, and I was saying how it's so wild to be at

a place in my life where I don't blame people anymore, like I

might blame someone for a second, but I don't stay in

blame. I have zero stories where I'm like, That person hurt me,

and they're banned forever, like I move through and own my side

of the street or or do the deeper healing that my heart and

soul need that I don't stay in blame. Because when you actually

look in the mirror and you go through the process of owning

your story and taking responsibility for your part,

you can't stay in blame, which is the most liberating

thing. Hello. My

loves. Happy Holidays. Kate Harlow here for

another episode of the new truth season three, navigating

triggers during the holidays. This is such an important topic.

And my intention this month? How is it already December? I don't

know, but my intention this month is to do an episode every

week in devotion to whatever kinds of things arise during the

holidays that I hear over and over again from women. So this

is the first one I'm going to tackle, for lack of a better

word address invite you into because obviously it's a hot

time of year, right? I don't mean literally, although I'm in

Kenya, so yes, it is hot. I'm wearing a tank top right now,

but it can be a very and of course, in Australia and all

those you know, the southern hemisphere, it is a hot time of

year. But I mean, emotionally for people, there is so much

going on during the holiday season. There's so many layers

to why the holidays are so can be so triggering for so many so

today we're specifically going to focus on people triggers, as

this episode is coming out at the beginning of December. So

you probably have a lot of events going on. You have a lot

of, you know, Christmas parties, family events. Those of you

Americans in the house are, you know, just coming off

Thanksgiving, so perhaps you're still in a trigger from last

weekend, but, yeah, that's what I want to address today. Because

my intention is that you use this time of year that can be so

deeply triggering and that can be so confronting and feel

heavy. You know, it's really fascinating, because when you

think about the experience of Christmas for children, you

know, if they have a good family and and if they have sweet

traditions, like little kids love Christmas, the energy and

essence in its purest form. If we take out all the religious

stuff and we just look at the purest form of this holiday

season, it's magic, right? It's magic, it's it's beauty, it's

wonder, it's awe, it's joy, it's connection, it's love. It's

coming together. It's gathering. It's intimacy. It's celebrating.

It's singing. It's giving, generosity, like this season

represents so much beauty, and yet so many people walk through

the holidays feeling totally lonely, depressed, stressed out,

overwhelmed, anxious, drunk, full, stuffed, and you know,

feeling these dense, heavy, more painful feelings. And so my hope

for you this holiday season is that you turn it around and you

start to discover the magic again by taking full

responsibility for yourself and everything about your life,

especially starting with your triggers, or, as I like to call

them, activations, because, you know, we're either a victim to

life happening, or we're in charge of our lives. I've worked

with so many women over the years who traditionally, prior

to the heroin journey with me, they felt like the holiday

seasons were really heavy, and they get closer and closer to

the holidays, and they'd start to feel fear, you know, they

come November, the weather would change, if they're in the

northern hemisphere, and they'd start to feel like that darkness

and that depression. Some of them even would go on

antidepressants just during that season, like November till

March, just to handle that time of year because it was so heavy,

right this like anticipatory fear of the density and

heaviness to come. But if we actually look at the time of

year, we're going into hibernation. We're going into

Yin time. We're going into our internal coziness and our.

Spaciousness, to rest, to rejuvenate, to replenish

ourselves, so that come spring, we can be ready to create again,

to manifest, to to express, to to, you know, adventure and so

naturally, this time of year is actually a really beautiful time

of year, but because so many of us have traumas from the past?

Have traumas from dysfunctional families, dysfunctional family

gatherings. Have traumas from now in their adult life, going

back to their families and feeling like maybe you go

backwards when you go home. Certainly this is another

conversation with women I work with, is that our families are

our greatest opportunities for growth. I like to look at it,

but also like that some of where our deepest wounds exist, so

actually working through our triggers, and, you know, healing

with our family system, family of origin, where we grew up,

where all our patterns were originally developed, usually

that's the place that we grow the slowest, right that that is

the most challenging. But in my experience, those places that

are the most challenging end up being the most rewarding if

you're willing to do it differently, right? So if you're

just going to be a victim to this time of year, or a victim

to your family, and just live in the story of like, Oh, I hate

this season. It sucks. But I'm going to go to Christmas dinner,

and I'm going to hate everyone, and I'm going to and I'm going

to drink my face off, or eat, eat all the cookies in the in

the box to try and suppress how I'm feeling, and then feel

horrible the next day. And, you know, drag all this energy into

to the new year. That's an option, right? It's an option to

be a victim of our circumstance, for sure. And you know

you actually can't, like you are a victim of your circumstance,

until you're awake and until you know that there's other

possibilities, that you actually are the creator of your own

reality, or the CO creator, right, life, the universe, the

divine, the natural intelligence of this planet is orchestrating

a beautiful experience for you here on planet Earth that

doesn't come without challenge, doesn't come without pain, but

there's so much opportunity for you to grow into this

extraordinary woman, and for you to become you know, this

unscripted, wild, free, beautiful woman who has a life

that She loves that's possible for you, but it's not possible

if you're sitting in the seat of the victim. So going into this

holiday season, if you are experiencing triggers with

people in your life, I want to say, awesome. Let's unpack it.

Let's talk about how you can fully learn and grow from these

activations. And actually, let's talk about that for a sec, and

then let's create a whole new reality. Let's use this season

as a time to grow, as opposed to a time to shrink, or a time to

stay stuck, or a time to reinforce your old stories. So I

use the word activation, and a lot of teachers are using this

word now, activation over trigger. The reason I like the

word, I mean, you can even probably just feel the

difference before I even explain why. But the word trigger, first

of all, it comes from a gun. I feel like maybe a man came up

with that word. It comes from a gun. It feels violent to me,

like I'm triggered. You triggered me. People say that

all the time, which is a victim statement, you did something to

me. You triggered me versus I feel activated right now. I'm

feeling really activated right now. Now. You could be activated

like in a pleasurable way. You could be turned on, you could be

lit up. You could be excited. You could be inspired. You also

could be activated in a painful way. Feel small, feel like you

don't matter, feel like you don't belong, you don't fit in,

you're not worthy, you're not lovable, right? Our activations

range, and really, what our activations are are just these

old faulty beliefs that live inside of us, the little girl

who was hurt and shut down and told who to be and told you know

what to think and what's good and what's good and bad and

what's right and wrong. Who had to repress the magic of who she

was feels activated often right until we start to heal our

relationship with that little version of you, she'll feel

activated. And my invitation to you is to start to look at your

painful activations as a gateway. They are a gateway. I

just a couple of weeks ago, I did the starting over weekend

workshop, which was amazing with about 30 women from all over the

world. And it was all about rewriting the story of a big

transition they're going through. It was mostly women

going through divorce, breakup, maybe a big move, a big career

change, but ultimately, it was about taking responsibility for

the rewrite of the story and looking at the painful ending or

rupture that they experienced as a catalyst for a new beginning,

as a catalyst for growth, as an opportunity to become. Them who

they've been repressing inside of that relationship or that job

or whatever that thing might be. So every time you experience an

activation, and this is how I feel in my life, it's like,

okay, it doesn't feel good to be painfully activated, of course,

like, of course, it doesn't feel good. Even for me, I had a big

activation this week, and in the midst of the activation, it

feels bad, it feels hurtful. It is tender to that part of us

that that that makes it mean something right? That's the only

reason we are hurt by activations is other people do

say, behave in a certain way, and it touches on a a faulty

belief inside of us and a wounded little part of us, and

it actually reinforces that wound. If we believe the

meaning, and we the saboteur, is going to make meaning of that

activation, and that's actually the thing that hurts. I'll give

you an example, like you go through a breakup, and your

activation is like, I must not be enough. Like what I it's

like, no matter what I do, it's not enough. And you know, why

wasn't I enough for him? Why wasn't enough for that person?

Why? You know, what could I have done differently? We internalize

it, make it mean something about us. But if you zoom out from a

spiritual perspective, or from a like divine orchestration

perspective, that situation is moving away from you for a

reason. There's something more in yourself that's being

awakened or activated, right? If you're on a journey of becoming

the unscripted woman, aka awakening your heroine,

awakening the soul of who you are and why you're here. These

activations happen to unlock parts of us that have been shut

down, if you're willing to see that right, but most people just

stay in the story. Most people just stay in the blame. Stay in

the story. Stay in the the the right and wrong, good and bad,

and then we and then we stay so small, and this, this beautiful

moment that could have been a catalyst for you, that could

have been even like a little trigger, can be a catalyst for

you, that could have been an awakening for you, that could

have allowed you to step into another part of yourself,

becomes something that represses you further right. So when your

saboteur is in charge, that's what happens. Little little you

gets repressed even further, instead of liberated, right? So

your activations are either making you really small or

they're liberating you to reclaim those parts of you that

are shut down. So number one step in navigating your triggers

is to remember, and I know you've heard this before from

me, from probably many other spiritual teachers, your

activations or triggers, if you want to call them, that are a

mirror, they are a mirror. And if you are not sitting in front

of the mirror with what is this reflecting about me right now,

if you are just staying in blame of your annoying aunt from

Christmas dinner, or your controlling mother in law or

your husband that you want to punch in the face, or whoever,

if you are just staying in the story of blame, if you're just

staying in the story that is a bad person. Okay? As soon as I

make someone else bad, what does that do? This is the ego. Right?

We were taught to do this religion, especially if you grew

up in a religious home, you have been deeply programmed to make

people wrong and bad, and in that moment, you're righteous,

you're better, you're better than right. If we make other

people wrong and bad. We're better, but the reality is,

we're not better. Nobody's better. We are all divine, and

we are all fucked up humans with wounded parts of us. We're all

the same. Actually, we're incredibly unique, if we've if

you heard last week's episode, Chris is amazing episode last

week about sexual empowerment and healing. The soul is your

uniqueness. The spirit is our sameness, where we are all one,

we are all one, we are all connected, all humans on planet

earth, all beings on planet Earth. The soul is the unique

essence of who you are, and then your human self is where your

nervous system lives, your feelings, your ability to

experience life, but also all those old traumas and stories

that live inside of your human and I'll say your saboteur, or

other people say the ego mind, right? So we hold on to this

other people are wrong and bad, and what that does is in the

moment, right? It's like when you go gossip to your friends.

Someone wronged you, your boss yelled at you, someone treated

you poorly, a guy ghosted you, you know your your brother

yelled at you. Whatever the thing might be, you go to your

friends, and in that moment, they validate you. They're like,

yeah, that person's bad, yeah, yeah, yeah. Donald Trump is bad.

Bad your ex boyfriend is a bad man. Your your or your ex

husband, or your your mother in law, or whoever, whoever the

person you're blaming might be right.

And in that moment, little you feels

so validated, she's like, Yay, I'm right. And

because she and your saboteur were programmed to believe that

you're either right or wrong, you're either good or bad, and

we need to be working really, really hard to be better and

better and good and good and good. But it's not for ourselves

and our alignment with our own truth and our soul expression

and our highest expression in the world. No, it's for a system

that keeps us separating ourselves from each other, which

actually separates us from our divinity, right? So if we look

back to those three aspects of self, the bot, the human self,

the soul self and the spiritual self. The Spiritual Self is the

Divinity, and we are all divine, but if we are against each

other, I'm right, you're wrong, I'm good, you're bad, now we are

separating ourselves from our own divinity, which means, in

that moment, you are in your ego, for sure, the saboteur

absolutely thrives off righteousness. Your saboteur

wants to be right. So it's going to go talk to 10 people to

convince everybody that you're right about this person who's

triggered you and they're wrong. And what will you the people who

love you do, they'll agree with you. Why? Because they love you

and they want you to feel good in that moment. They know you're

in pain, they know you're hurting, and so they want you to

feel relief. But they're actually not empowering you.

They're enabling you, right? These are saboteur contracts.

These are saboteur style relationships, which many, many,

many, many people have. So we keep each other small, we keep

each other in the victim mentality. We keep each other in

blame and attack and righteousness. So in the moment

that I feel like I'm better than you, right, if I'm blaming you

for something you've done or said, you're the bad one, you're

the wrong one, in that moment, I feel like I'm right. I feel like

I'm a good girl. I'm doing it right, because if you're doing

it wrong, that means I'm doing it right, so I'm better than you

right. But again, that separates you from the divinity of who you

are. So what ends up happening is we leave that engagement, we

leave that trigger, we leave that thing. Even if everyone

agrees that we are right and the person we work for is a monster,

everyone agrees that we are right. That leaves us

disempowered. It leaves us in disassociation. It leaves us in

disconnection. It leaves us disconnected from the truth and

the magnitude of who we are and what is possible here on this

planet, so much is possible, and what the planet needs is people

owning their activations, owning their triggers and being able to

come root down into the truth of who we are, which is love, not

not love in the sense that you like, stay in an abusive

relationship and then you just love that person for abusing

you. No, you remove yourself from environments and places and

people that you don't want to be around. But if you stay in blame

with that person, you stay in captivity, you stay in

righteousness, you stay in right and wrong and good and bad

mentality, which actually robs you of your divinity and your

spiritual experience, and it also robs the dynamic of

transformation I have been doing. I mean, I've been

coaching for almost 20 years. I have been doing this particular

I was gonna say work, but I've been on the heroin journey of

awakening women to the magic of who they are and the life that's

meant for them for for 10 years, and I have seen the most

extraordinary miracles that have occurred between families, in

laws, exes, narcissistic exes, crazy, crazy, triggering

relationships that have absolutely healed and evolved

because the woman I'm working with has shifted her

perspective, has stopped holding the other person hostage, which

is actually holding herself hostage, and she has owned her

side of the street. She has looked in the mirror and

identified what her part is in this dynamic. She has evolved

beyond it. And what happens naturally all the time. I mean,

I've seen this hundreds of times. What happens naturally is

the dynamic changes, and all of a sudden, people, she couldn't

have fathomed changing change. And it doesn't mean every single

person will, but my best friend and I have a saying, and it goes

like this, people will evolve, or they'll dissolve from your

life. And the reality is, you don't have to go cutting people

out, right? That's your ego. If your ego is like cutting that

person out, cutting that person out, cutting that though, it'll

grow 10 heads. This is like playing Whack a Mole. That

person's wrong about that person's wrong, and then the

universe is just gonna send you another one and another one and

another one, until you're willing to get really

uncomfortable and look at your side and look at what you're

contributing to this dynamic. Right once you own your side of

the street and you clean up your side. Of this dynamic, the

dynamic that existed can no longer exist. It can't exist. So

what happens is, either that person shocks you, and when you

show up differently in this dynamic, they start to show up

differently, or they naturally fall away from your life. So

obviously, there's certain situations like you know a

parenting partner who can't naturally fall out of your life

because you need to co parent with them. But the more you stop

participating in the dynamic and you own your side of the street.

You own what your patterns are. Oh, I'm with a narcissist who's

constantly taking, taking what's my side. Oh, I'm a self

sacrificer who's constantly giving and giving. Right? If you

don't clean up your side of the street, nothing will change, and

then you'll keep attracting you can get rid of all of those bad

narcissists in the world, but until you clean up your side of

this great street, nothing will change. So that's the thing.

Like, there's so much personal development content out there

right now, like, look for the red flags. Look for the

narcissist like you got to watch out for these signs, la, la, la,

that just keeps people in victim mentality and blame like, oh,

the narcissists are the big bad guys. Guess what? My loves. We

all have all of these traits inside of us, and you know, we

are all participating in these protective mechanism dynamics

that come from trauma and childhood, and just like you had

trauma in your childhood, so did that person who's very self

centered, right? Or actually, I love the word self centered. I

think we should all be self centered, selfish, selfish,

selfless. Those are on the far extreme selfish. I don't give a

fuck what anyone about anyone's experience. I'm only caring

about my own selfless as I don't give a fuck about my own

experience, I'm only caring about other people's the place

in the middle is centered within yourself. That is where you want

to be. That's the heroine you're considering other but you choose

yourself in every moment, you choose yourself, and you know

it's the most honorable thing for everyone, and you lovingly

communicate your truth to other people without blame or attack

or shut down, but you you are sovereign in the middle. So this

is and this is something I teach. I actually have the

reclamation program. I wasn't even going to talk about it

today, but my reclamation program, that's an online self

study course. It's only $497

and you have it for a lifetime access. And I'm actually going

through with all the heroines in the reclamation community live

in January, and there's women in there who've done it with me

like seven times. They do it over and over and over again,

because it's such a beautiful way to deepen your relationship

with yourself. So if you're not inside of that community. I'll

link, link it below. You should absolutely join us in the

reclamation this year. It's starting in January. What a

great way to kick off the new year, where you can learn how to

fully take responsibility and how to operate in your

relationships from your heroine. I teach how to communicate, how

to how to live from this centered, rooted place within

yourself. So just want to let you know that that's coming up,

but your activators are a mirror. You've got to look in

the mirror and see what is my part, right? So if you're if

your uncle activates you so much at Christmas, what is what is my

part? What am I not saying or doing? How am I not honoring

myself? How am I not using my voice? What is this person? What

is reflected here that I am repressed from or shut down

from, because every person who activates you is is reflecting

something. It's either a part of you, it like, sometimes it's a

direct reflection, like it's a blind spot where your saboteur

has a similar pattern, but you can't see it, and so that person

is triggering for you. It's like when your mom triggers you, but

actually she triggers you because you're kind of like her

in certain ways, but you didn't realize it. It's like that, or

it's triggering something that shut down from you. Now it might

I've said this before, but the triggers aren't necessarily

apples to apples, right? So let's say your boss is a total

bitch, and she's like, bossing everyone around. And I'll, I'll

soften the word bitch and say the controller, if we're looking

at it through the lens of saboteur archetypes, if she's

telling everyone what to do, and she's condescending and she's

talking down to people, and she's bossing people around, and

you are someone who doesn't use your voice. You are someone who

who is submissive and passive, and you don't stand with and for

yourself, and you're not rooted in the sovereign queen that you

are. You feel like you're not worthy and you're not good

enough, and you're small. Someone like that will trigger

you. Why not? Because you're meant to be bossy and bitchy and

controlling of other people, but because she's representing a

shadow aspect of something that's shut down from you, which

is the Queen, which is the woman who speaks her truth, who stands

with and for herself, who who speaks her needs, who speaks her

her her sovereign truth. Okay? So again, not apples to apples,

not like you want to become. Um Miranda Priestly from Devil

Wears Prada, but Miranda Priestly is reflecting something

that you're shut down from, that's a great archetype of the

the woman who's power over control. So we're used to seeing

power over and power under, which is just two aspects of the

saboteur, the self sacrificer and shape shifter, with the

controller, so your activators or your triggers are a mirror,

and this is an opportunity for you to actually grow more into

who you really are and heal that Wounded Little Girl by not

letting her lead anymore and seeing like, oh my gosh, this

person's mirroring. My queen is shut down. I need to awaken my

queen. I need to learn how to communicate and use my voice. I

need to prioritize standing with and for myself. This actually is

a gateway into more of who I am. This trigger, it is not it's not

about the other person. I love. To look at the people in our

lives as hired actors. If your life is a movie, and everyone in

your life is a hired actor that you that your soul hired to help

your human evolve, right? Because that's why we're here on

planet Earth. Your soul is here to evolve and live the most

expanded Express life as who you really are, especially if you're

listening to the new truth podcast, especially if you're on

the heroin journey or becoming an unscripted woman. Oof,

actually, I have a course called becoming the unscripted woman.

That's the evolved version of my expanded love masterclass that's

happening in January too. So I'll share that with you at the

end of this episode. But that's a five week, once a week a

light, but, like, really life changing opportunity as well. So

you could do that as well. Yeah, I'll tell you more about it. But

basically, this is an opportunity to grow more into

who you are, and you hire these actors to activate you, my

loves, your saboteur mind the fantasy addict will want, will

want you to have this life of pleasant fill, of no triggers,

of no bad things happening, and life is just happily ever after,

like we were told it was going to be when we were little,

right? That's what your fantasy addict aspect of your saboteur

wants. But the reality is, you grow through challenge. You grow

through that. Like, think about every movie, like all the Marvel

movies. It's like the antagonist the bad guy is what calls the

superhero to rise, right? So if you didn't have antagonist in

your story, you wouldn't rise. I look back at my old mentor, and

at the time of working with her, when I first started working

with her. I worked with this woman for nine years. When I

first started working with her, I was just obsessed with her. I

had her on a pedestal because she was representing where I was

headed. She was a phenomenal speaker, a phenomenal teacher,

phenomenal coach. She was so mesmerizing. I was absolutely

captivated by her. And then she started mentoring me to awaken

my these repressed aspects of me, and as we started deepening

our relationship over the years, once I started to find my feet

and find my power, it wasn't true power, I started slipping

into power over because she started becoming incredibly

triggering to Me and I had all these stories I remember at the

time and like, Oh, she's wrong and bad. And had all these

stories and and it's so funny, because I

look back now and I'm like, Thank God, I hired that

woman in my story who literally changed, like she

helped me, she was that every time she inspired me, she

activated something in me. Every time she triggered me, she

activated something in me. Every facet of our relationship was

part of my initiation into growing into the sovereign

heroine of my life, every single aspect, every single thing we

went through every high and low, every ebb and flow. It was all

part of the initiation of me becoming the heroine of my

story. So then I could go start my own work in the world and be

here with you. Now, did I believe I was starting my own

work in the world at the time? No, I didn't know. Right? We

don't know when we're in the story, when you're in the pain,

you don't know why you're going through this big activation. You

don't know why this massive heartbreak is actually your

initiation into your life's purpose, or whatever the thing

might be, whoever's triggering you, whoever you're feeling

activated by that's part of your initiation, and life is

constantly inviting and initiating you into becoming

more right? But if you just live in blame, if you just live in

victim mentality, you will miss the boat. You will miss the

evolution of your beautiful, magical soul. So this is a call

to rise. This is a call these characters you hired to help

you. Row, and you will see that someone like I think of myself

in my journey. I used to be so intimidated by powerful women

who were leading and, you know, commanding a room and inspiring

people that used to intimidate the fuck out of me, like my old

mentor. And now I, I'm, I am that, and when I'm around

someone like that, I just feel inspired, excited. I want to

collaborate. There's an expansiveness, even if they're

way ahead of me in terms of their ability to impact and

reach people in the world. I don't pedestal them. I used to,

right? I don't pedestal them. I don't feel like they're better

than me, or they have something I don't have. I feel met because

I've activated those qualities inside of me. And if I feel

triggered at some point, which maybe after saying this out

loud, a new one's going to come my way, and I'll have some sort

of activation. But I know it's a mirror. I know it's a reflection

of where I'm headed, of where I'm going. So these activations

are an opportunity for you to grow more into who you are, not

to become smaller. So the first step is look in the mirror,

spend some time either writing or meditating or even just

sitting in front of the mirror, whatever you're feeling about

these people or this person who triggers you say it to yourself

in the mirror. Okay, that's like the most confronting, but life

changing exercise. Sit really close, make sure the mirror has

good lighting, so your sabotage not being mean to what about so

your Saboteurs become obsessed with what you look like, but

you're actually just looking in the mirror, looking deep into

your eyes and saying those things to yourselves. We're so

used to looking in the mirror and just and judging ourselves,

so I say choose a mirror with good lighting, because then it's

going to reflect the brightness of your eyes, the brightness of

your skin, the brightness of your soul, rather than it

reflecting, you know, whatever your saboteur wants to critique

and judge based on our social based on our conditioning, the

beauty industry and all that crap. Anyways, that's a

different episode. So sit in front of the mirror, look deeply

into your eyes and as if you're looking at that person and you

say, what triggers you? Damn you. You make me feel so small.

You are such an asshole. You your way of being makes me feel

like I don't matter. I'm not important, you'll soon see it's

not them that makes you feel like you don't matter and you're

not important. They're just being who they are, and even if

they seem like an asshole, let me tell you, there's a lot of

pain inside of that person. Every asshole you meet is trying

to protect their hearts. That's why they're an asshole. That's

just the version of the saboteur strategy that their saboteur

developed when they were a kid to survive whatever they went

through in their childhood, just like you went through a lot of

stuff, right? So that person actually has a heart. I cracked

down. I I've told you this before, but like one of my

favorite things in the world to do is to crack people open, who

seem closed, who seem sharp, who seem hard, right? There is,

there is a love inside of that person. There is a heart inside

of that person. So can you look at yourself in the mirror and

say all the things? Because the reality is, it's not them that's

doing it to you. It's you. Whatever the trigger is,

whatever the meaning you're making of their behavior is

about how you're internalizing it and how you're using it to

keep yourself small, how you're using it to hurt yourself the

mirror. Practice with activations. Is life changing?

After you've done this process in the mirror, let any feelings

arise, arise. Don't be afraid of tears. If tears come, as you're

saying it, just let them flow. Your tears are cleaning all like

crap and gunk that's blocking your heart. The more that you

cry, the more that you clean your heart, especially if you

cry with your eyes open looking in the mirror. I mean, that's

one of the most healing things you can do, looking at somebody

else and crying with your eyes open or looking in the mirror,

because you're actually witnessing yourself, and so

you're healing that deeper part of yourself, rather than crying

with your eyes closed, and reinforcing the story in your

mind, which often keeps us stuck. So it's deeply healing.

So let the river run, if they if tears come, let yourself feel.

And then after you've done this process, close your eyes and

feel your heart and feel what you feel inside. Now, pour love

into yourself after, and then maybe get out your journal and

do some reflecting on what you noticed and what you realized.

Even just this exercise will be so transformative, but you if

the feelings are still lingering, you can also put on

music, move your body, start to move the energy of the feeling,

so that you can unlock what is stuck, all the energy that

stuck, and then you come to your sovereignty. You come back to

your sovereignty right. And now you can see this situation

through clear eyes. And so step two is to see the whole

situation from a different perspective, and to maybe even

write out like thank you for. For reminding me of my power.

Thank you for reminding me to use my voice. Thank you for

reminding me of the power of vulnerability, or whatever the

reflection has been. Thank you for being so let's say it's an

ex who broke your heart, quote, unquote, you broke your own

heart. And also, the heart can't be broken. It's just the that's

all the mind. It's like, it's a story. The heart can't be

broken. Your heart is the strongest part of you, and it

doesn't need any protection ever so come back to your heart and

see this situation through the lens of the heart. Thank you to

my ex, who had an affair, who left me, who left my life, who

thank you for liberating me, because now I'm free to be me.

Thank you for being the catalyst for me learning how to love

myself deeper. Because when I chose you, I didn't love myself.

When I chose you, I chose you from insecurity and from

contraction, not from love. Maybe I thought it was love, or

maybe it was like a version of love, but it was a small

version, not an expanded version. So thank you for being

the catalyst to expand me. Thank you for showing me and giving me

the opportunity to actually look at my relationship with myself

and to change things. So that's number two, is to look through

the lens of the heart after you've done the mirror, after

you've seen it differently. Now you look through the lens of the

heart and you make a statement, a thank you statement as to what

this is activating for you and what, what is the opportunity

here for you, and the third thing is to bring that new

energy into your Christmas dinner or into the next

conversation with them, where you bring the energy of your

wholeness, right? Because in any given moment, you have your

wounded self, which most people are just operating from, that

part of themselves, the Wounded Little Girl and The saboteur

constantly looking for, who do I need to protect myself from? Who

do I need to blame? Who do I need to hide? Who do I need to

shut down around? Who do I need to control? Who do I need to be

perfect around your Saboteurs constantly looking for ways to

adapt to feel safe, right? Because underneath is a wounded

little girl who did that when she was little because she had

to right. But inside of you is a sovereign heroine. Inside of you

is a sovereign woman who knows her worth, who is rooted in her

worth? Who is rooted in the present moment? Who, who sees

the world through the lens of the heart, which is not

guarding, which is not protection, which is sovereign?

I am sovereign in my own being, and I when I have pain, you're

not responsible for my pain. This is the most liberating

statement ever. Nobody is responsible for your pain. All

it is when you are activated or triggered. All that is is there

was a, we'll just say, a gunshot wound that was already there,

and somebody else stuck their finger in your wound at they

didn't shoot the gun, they just stuck their finger in your

wound, but your saboteur mind believes that they shot the gun,

and your saboteur mind is looking for all your friends to

agree with you that they shot the gun, that they're the ones

who are responsible for it, but they're not my loves, no matter

how wrong that person seems, the wound was already there, and you

attracted this person to help you heal it, if you are awake

enough to own your side of the street, to feel your feelings,

to see how your pattern contributes to this dynamic that

is everything, owning your side of The street is the most

important thing you can do in your life, in all of your

relationships. I was talking to my bestie last night, and I was

saying how it's so wild to be at a place in my life where I don't

blame people anymore. Like I might blame someone for a

second, but I don't stay in blame. I have zero stories where

I'm like, That person hurt me, and they're banned forever, like

I move through and own my side of the street and or or do the

deeper healing that my heart and soul need, that I don't stay in

blame. Because when you actually look in the mirror and you go

through the process of owning your story and taking

responsibility for your part, you can't stay in blame, which

is the most liberating thing, because holding on to blame,

it's that statement is like drinking poison and expecting

the other person to die. You think you're hurting them, but

my love, you're hurting you. If you blame your ex for the next

10 years that they hurt you, you're not hurting your you're

not hurting them. You're hurting you in the disguise that you're

hurting them right, because they hurt you. And you just hold on

to this. If I let go of this, then I'm saying it's okay what

they did. That's not what we're saying. It's accepting what

happened and looking at as an opportunity to grow in. To who

you're meant to be. If we look at everything from like souls

curriculum perspective, our souls come to this planet, and

we're here to work through a whole bunch of curriculum, not

the easiest curriculum, right? It's like high school or

university. Like the curriculum is not always easy, but you are

going to grow and evolve so much when you're willing to face the

curriculum, and when you're willing to look at your part and

own your own story and become the writer of your own story,

right? If you just stay trapped thinking everybody else is wrong

and bad, you are trapping yourself that is such a limited

life and a painful life at that like otherwise, it gets to be

like a cool video game where you kept, get to keep evolving to

the next level and the next level and the next level and the

next level. I had a situation this week where I had, I'll tell

you what my activation was. I wasn't going to share it, but

this is just coming through that I should share it with you. So I

had an online, not my first rodeo, but an online bullying

situation. Or, I don't know that sounds dramatic. I had an online

unfriendly situation encounter where somebody shared my post I

did on Facebook that was like rooted in self love and becoming

a mate to your own soul. And it was this post that I wrote with

my heart and soul, and this woman took my post and she

shared it on her Facebook page and said, I, I fuck What did she

say? You were so fucking annoying, which is so funny that

she used the word annoying, because when I was younger, that

was my number one trigger word. People called me annoying all

the time because I was so bubbly and so like, such a pleaser. Ew,

I must have been so annoying to be around, and so that word used

to trigger the fuck out of me. So it's actually pretty cool to

witness, to hat, to watch my my response and reaction to this,

this thing that happened, because it revealed actually a

lot of growth, and I also just got to pour more love into the

part of me that it hurt because I'm still a human with feelings,

like someone just, you know, attacks me, like I'm not a

victim of the attack, but I'm still, like, it's still gonna

hurt, and I need to tend to my feelings. So she said, You're

You're so fucking annoying, and I can't stand your fucking face.

Thought you should know. And this is a woman. I'm like, I

think I'm like, did I meet her one day? Or I don't know, I know

the name, but I didn't know her. You know, there's 5000 people on

Facebook, and I'm like, maybe I used to be a business coach, and

I worked with so many people over the years. Maybe it's just

someone from social media. I'm actually not sure I knew her

name, but regardless, is like, I know that that situation had

nothing to do with me. I'm so rooted in my projections are

mine and your projections are yours. And when that came, when

I read that, it hurt. It felt like a bow and arrow, like

dagger going into my heart. It hurt. It ruptured something. And

I cried, and I just shut my computer and I put my hands on

my heart, and I let little me cry, and I just held my heart

and my solar plexus. I cried and cried and cried and and I just

said, and as as she started to calm down, because they knew it

was a young part of me that it hurt, the words hurt, because

the sovereign woman in me knows that those words had nothing

about had nothing to do with me. She is activated by me because

I'm a mirror of something she shut down from. And so I felt my

pain, and maybe I'm annoying to her, that's fine. No big deal.

But I felt that little part of me is pain, and I held her and I

said, I love you, I love you, I love you, and I didn't. So

sometimes what happens is, like, the i Some people might teach,

like, Okay, someone attacks you, then say really nice things to

yourself is like, I don't need to pump up my tires, because all

that little girl really needs, I believe, is love, right? I know

who I am and who I am is not. It's infinite. I'm not like, Oh,

I'm an amazing person with lots of gifts, like I that's only an

insecure part of me that would need to hear that, right? So it

would be like feeding a bottomless pit versus sitting in

the seat of the sovereign queen, the sovereign heroine, holding

the heart of the little girl, telling her I love her and that

she's safe. I love her, I've got her she's safe to feel, letting

her feel and then coming back to my sovereignty and coming back

to seeing clearly that that and yes, I, you know, blocked that

woman on my social media and was like that, like, I'm not okay

with that treatment. That's not okay with me, but, but I came

back to my center, and guess what? I will admit to you the

next day, I still felt really tender. So I called my beautiful

healer. I have this amazing new healer, and this woman from

Japan that lives here in Kenya in Nairobi, and she's a yoga

teacher and a healer. And. I'm, actually, I'm helping her

organize a retreat in Okinawa in Japan, because I'm just, I've

been dying to go there, and she's so magical. And so I

texted her and was like, Hey, I'm having a tender heart this

week. I would love to have a session, and I had a healing

with her. So I, you know, of course, I gave myself what I

needed to clear the energy, because it stuck, but it didn't

stick to my mind. I wasn't feeding stories. It stuck to my

heart. There was something that stuck, but again, the heart

doesn't need protection, it just needs love. So I gave it love, I

gave it love, I gave it love. And and everything shifted.

So it is and so what did that reflect for me? Well, it

reflected so much. It reflected the part of me that's more

rooted in people will be triggered by me, and that's

okay. I'm taking a stand, and it goes against a lot of what a lot

of people believe. So that's going to happen. I know that,

and of course, it doesn't feel good or comfortable. I'm a

sensitive person, and I care deeply, but old me, like if I

was living from my saboteur. Still, my saboteur used to care

so much what everyone thought of me and wanted to be liked by

everyone, but my sovereign woman knows that I'm not going to be

liked by everyone, but it's not their soul. It's their

protection, right? If we were all hanging out from our souls,

from our hearts, from the truth of who we are, we wouldn't need

protection, and we would all be connected and aligned. That's

what you see at the immersion, the immersion in Greece, at any

retreats that I leave, the saboteurs are activated by each

other. But when we're deep, when we get underneath the

protection, and we're in our hearts and souls, we're all

connected. It's only our saboteurs that are activating

each other. It's only our survival patterns that are

compatible, like for that that you know, selfish, selfless kind

of relational dynamic, or the self sacrificer and the

controller dynamic, like our saboteurs, are either compatible

for a wound mate relationship, or they're activating to each

other because they're reflecting something. But on a heart and

soul level, we are all aligned. I truly believe that. And you

know, will, will there be a time in our lifetime when we're all

acting and living from our hearts and souls? No, but I

believe that the more you live from yours, the more you attract

people who are living from theirs, and the more you awaken

people to theirs. You know, I had a I know I talk about Uber

drivers every, every week on the podcast, but it's really blowing

my mind, because I'm taking so many Ubers here, and I had one

the other day. And this man, he was a bit older, like, probably

in his late 50s, early 60s, and he was, like, kind of had

attitude. I was trying to, like speak Swahili to him, and trying

to, like, crack him and and, you know, at first he was resistant,

resistant, resistant. And then he started opening and open like

flower, like slow and I wasn't forcing it. It was just gently

playing and being in the energy of the heart. By the end of our

taxi ride, which wasn't that long, it was just to the gym. So

it was like seven minutes by the end of our drive, he said to me,

are you married? That was like, No, I'm not. And he was like,

oh, I want to, I want to introduce you to my son. I think

you should marry him. You're an amazing woman. And I was like,

thank you so much. Have a great day. And so it's such a

beautiful remembering that when you are meeting someone who

seems cold or like an asshole or like they don't care, they do

care, they're just guarded, which means their heart feels

like it like their mind believes their heart needs protection,

their mind is trying to protect the little kid inside who needed

protection when they were little. There is so much more

going on underneath the surface. We are constantly taking other

people's behavior personally, and yet their behavior actually

has nothing to do with you, even if they're mad at you in the

moment, it's still so much deeper than you could ever see

you're never upset for the reason you think they're never

upset for the reason they think so. The more you can de armor

yourself and own your side of the street and clean up your

patterns and come back to the rooted, sovereign queen, heroine

of your life and and live from the heart of who you are. The

more you can de armor people around you, and that's how we

create a new world, right? It's not going to be the whole entire

world all at once, but it certainly can be the world that

you live in, the world that you surround yourself in, and you

can be the change in the world you wish to see, as our dear

friend Gandhi said so many years ago. So that is how to navigate

triggers during the holidays. And you know, the more you own

your stuff, the more you can create a totally different

experience for this holiday season. Let little you play. Let

little you be in the magic. Go to light shows. Go to, you know,

those, those gardens that have the most exquisite lights. Drink

hot chocolate. Go for go for Christmas drinks, go for it.

Like, do go skating, if that's an option where you live, like,

do things that actually activate that innocent energy, because

that's what the season is all about. When you own your

triggers, you can come back to generosity, you can come back to

the magic. You can come back to the love. You can come back to

the connectedness. You can come back to the beauty of this

season, because there's so much available here for you, and you

get to become the writer and the leading lady of your own story.

So if you are ready for some support in 2026 and you want

your saboteur patterns to stop leading your life, and you're

finding yourself continuously in the trap, join us in the

reclamation. It's going to be so powerful because I wasn't going

to do it live again, and this year, I am offering it live in

January as a bonus. So that means we're going to be on Zoom

twice a month, where you get me live. I'm going to do hot seats.

We're going to do breakout rooms. You're going to meet

other heroines. You're going to grow your community of women who

are taking responsibility for their path and their life. The

reclamation is 497, and I'll link it below, so that's it for

today. If you know a woman who's stuck in her blame and victim

mentality and triggers and all that stuff, and she hates

Christmas and she needs some magic and empowerment and

guidance, spread the word. Share this episode with every woman

you know who needs to hear this message as always. Also, can you

go on whatever platform you listen to the podcast and do a

five star review for me and a little write up about what the

podcast means to you that would be the best Christmas present

for me ever. It really helps the podcast to have reviews, to have

raving reviews, of course, about the impact of this podcast in

this community for you, and that's all I got for now. Love

you, and I'll see you next week.