Cam Hall (00:00)

Hello, men Welcome to another episode of the Dad's Making a Difference podcast. My name is Cam. I'm your host and founder of Dad's Making a Difference. And today I want to dive into a conversation that hits close to home for so many of us. And that is the conversation about real community and the power of community. You see, guys, we weren't meant to do life alone, but so many dads are trying to carry the weight of fatherhood,

business, being a husband, personal growth, all in isolation. And if you've ever felt like you're navigating this journey solo, this life journey alone, this episode is for you. Because let's be honest, fatherhood can be really lonely. You're providing for your family, handling business, trying to stay healthy, trying to be present, trying to be a great husband, and still you can feel completely isolated.

And I get it, because I've been there. There was a time that, I had a great job, my family is wonderful, but I felt like no one really got me, like just got me for who I was. I didn't have any guys in my corner. I didn't have guys who were walking the same road I was working on. And it wore on me. I felt like I was isolated. Did you know that a recent study showed that when...

they were asked nearly half of men, nearly 50 % of all men say they're lonely most of the time. And only one out of three men says they has one close friend. That's crazy to me. But I also know the truth of it because I felt it and I've seen it in my community. And why is this the case? Why do guys feel so isolated? It's because connection is not about proximity.

because these men who report feeling lonely, they're surrounded by people every single day. They're surrounded by their family, they're surrounded by people at work, people in the community, guys in the gym, but they still feel lonely. And that's because connection isn't about proximity, it's about depth, it's about vulnerability, it's about trust, it's about transparency, it's about showing up for each other.

One of my favorite quotes is from John Maxwell and "Isolation, is the enemy of excellence." This is a quote that was quoted to me before I joined MasterMyGroup back in 2018. And I was on the fence, I didn't know what to do. And the mentor who was leading that group said, Cam, know, isolation is the enemy of excellence. If you continue to go at it alone, you may go faster, but you're not gonna go as far.

When you surround yourself with other men who are on a similar journey to you, they can carry you when you don't have the strength and you can pull them when you do. And it was amazing for me to just like think about that and the power of that community and what it meant for me. So I wanna ask you a couple of questions. These are reflection questions. I am going to give you a heads up, do this a couple of times in this episode. So take out your notes app on your phone, grab...

post it in a pen or a piece of paper and if you're driving grab that receipt from the console and the pen and flatten it out on the console at the red light and write this down. When was the last time you had a real honest conversation with another man? Like an honest conversation, one that wasn't surface level, one that wasn't about the NHL playoffs or the NBA playoffs, the weather or

politics right now or finance and the stock market. When was the last time you had a real honest conversation? When was the last time you sat with another man and had a real raw, no judgment conversation where you looked each other in the face? If you can't remember that, if you can't remember the last time, then now is your time. You need to make a shift because

My next question is this, are you showing up fully or are you going through the motions alone? Because if we are taking everything on in our own right, if we're taking everything as our own responsibility and we do that by ourselves and go through those motions alone, we are not showing up fully. That's just the way it is. When I say that actually, I think about Mark. Mark is a guy in our community. He's a dad of three. He joined the DMD back last year.

But before joining, Mark shared that he hadn't had a meaningful conversation with another man, another dad in years, not in his church, not in his community, not through his kids sporting events. And he was killing it. Like he was excelling at work, but he felt like he was losing himself at home, which was concerning for us, of course. But after six months of weekly calls, fitness challenges, and connection with other men,

Mark told me, he said, you know, I didn't know how much I needed this until I found it. Because guys, community changes everything. So let's break this down. Why does community change everything? Like what's the power of community? And I don't mean community in like this warm, huggy type of way. I mean like the powerful part of community. And I wanna break it down to three things. When I was thinking about why community has been such an impactful piece of my life, why I've...

always felt better, more effective, more motivated maybe, growth driven, when I've been part of teams and communities. Why? I boil it down to these three things. First, belonging. Communities give dads belonging. And right now men are craving belonging. You need to know that you're not alone. And when you're in community, you know

that you're not alone. I'm a product of team environments. I grew up playing basketball, volleyball, football, like these team sports where I knew that if I showed up and brought the best that I could bring to the team that we would find success because I knew every other guy on that floor was showing up to do his best too. But if you put me one verse five on a basketball court, my success rate would be 0%. I am not going to be able to beat five other guys.

but five on five, we had a pretty good chance. knowing that you're not alone, that you belong to something greater, a movement that's greater, a community that's stronger because of the sum of its parts. The community does that, it's really powerful, especially in our own journey. The second thing that a community provides is accountability. Becoming the man that others can count on, it means that you need to be challenged to grow.

And you can't be challenged to grow unless you're being held accountable. Just like my teammates, they would hold me to task, they would hold me accountable, my coach would hold me accountable if I didn't do my training, if I didn't know the plays, if I didn't know the playbook. And I say that, Lucy, like the playbook, like we create playbooks in our community that are plug and play playbooks. Guys can look at this playbook, take it, implement it, and improve an area of their life. I love sports, that's why we use the term playbook.

So community provides belonging and it provides accountability to others who are honest and open are gonna hold you to what you said you were gonna do. And third, it offers perspective. And we get to learn from the wins of others, we get to learn from the failures of others, and we get to learn from the wisdom of others. So when you're a part of a community, you get the perspective of the people around you.

You need to make sure that people in that community have your back. You know you belong there, you have accountability there, and then you can start to learn from what's happening in their life. There is no better teacher than experience. And men go through different seasons in their life, and when somebody goes through something hard, it's great to have a community there to surround them and to pull them through it.

and for them to share, is what happened, I don't want it to happen to you. Likewise, when a guy has a huge win and he says, here's how I got here, and everybody's supporting him and celebrating his accomplishment, he's like, well, here's how I got here, I want this to happen to you. That is community. One guy in the data space, his is Ryan Mishler, he has an order of man framework. And in that framework, he talks about brotherhood, responsibility and leadership.

And I thought about that, brotherhood, responsibility, and leadership. And it's really those three things, belonging, accountability, and perspective. And when I joined a mastermind of men who weren't just talking about success, but were living it in their marriages, in their health, in their legacy, in their leadership, it changed everything for me. Because suddenly I had a group of advisors, guys I trusted.

I had a group of encouragers, but I also had men who called me forward, who pulled me to task when I didn't follow through on what I said I was going to do. So those trusted advisors around me were there to support me, but they were also there to hold me accountable. Brenny Brown says that true belonging doesn't require us to change who we are. It requires us to be who we are.

A true community where you find belonging, it's that gift of community where you are being seen as you are and still being challenged to grow is powerful. So I'll say that again. That's the gift of community. Being seen as you are and still being challenged to grow. Okay, a couple more questions for you.

You've been thinking, the last question was when was the last time you had a real, real connection with another man? Here are some more for you. Who is in your corner? Who is in your corner right now? Who are your trusted advisors? Who's helping you lead your family when you're drained, when you don't have the energy, when life has punched you in the gut and you don't know what to do next?

and who's helping you sharpen your vision, your habits, your heart, your mindset. Maybe most importantly, here's a question for you guys, dads. If your family depended on you to level up, who would you turn to for guidance? Who's that guy? Who's the 3 a.m. friend that you're gonna call in the morning and you know they're gonna pick up no matter what? Because your family, guys,

Here's the truth of it, your family is depending on you to level up. And you're not going to be leveled up on your own. You need to surround yourself with men who are going to help you level up. But I wanna talk about what makes a great community because not all communities are created equal. Some communities just reinforce the status quo. I'm gonna talk about a community in which I work.

It's a very tumultuous time right now in that community. There's a lot of stress. are, people honestly, I will say people are being stretched really thin with the amount of responsibility and work that they're given right now under the circumstances. But in our conversations in that space, I feel that there's a sense of community that just reinforces the status quo and doesn't challenge people to grow and go outside of what's familiar, of what's safe.

of what feels comfortable, of what protects them. People are not willing to take risks. A real community needs to be one that helps you elevate your standards. And so I want you to avoid communities just for the sake of community and find four key factors, four key factors that you need to look for when you're finding community, okay? And these are three.

These are four things that I thought about over the most powerful communities that I've been part of over the last decade. The first is the shared values, shared values. Are these men striving to lead with integrity and strength? If they are not, don't join that community. The second is consistency. Do they meet regularly?

Common touch points are so important in your personal development journey and in your growth and in your accountability and in your belonging. If you're not showing up consistently, you will not get the benefits of community. So first is shared value, second is consistency. They need to be able to meet regularly. The third, vulnerability.

And I don't mean in a kumbaya, we're gonna cry and give everybody a hug. Like that stuff happens. I'm gonna tell you guys on our calls, some pretty shitty things happen to people in their lives and guys break down because they have no other place to do it. And we're a group of men who support guys and we're honest and we're transparent and we're unfiltered. Vulnerable means is it safe to be real? That's what we want.

in a community, that vulnerability where it is safe for you to be real. Can you be the real you without showing up with this persona or this role to play, but just be you? And then the fourth thing to look for in community is diversity. Are there men in that community that are in different seasons that you can learn from? I use this term lots, seasons.

And what I mean by that is this, I think about the seasons that I've been in in my life. Right now I'm in a season of my life where I have two kids who are 13 and 10 who are super active in their own sports. They have interests of their own. They're exploring new things in their world with school, sports, and friends and activities.

while my wife and I still have our things that we love to do in our interests and our priorities. And our season right now is how do we balance all of these things while still prioritizing our family? For instance, right after I record this, we're gonna head out on the road, we're heading to Canmore, Alberta for four days, and we're gonna spend some time together as a family, much needed. We prioritize those things, but we have to, have to plan it. I find that I'm in a season where my calendar is king.

Yes, I work out at five in the morning. You guys watch me on Instagram and this isn't a flex. Like working out at five in the morning isn't a flex. It's not a, hey, get off your butt, get out of bed and go work out at 5 a.m. and be part of the 5 a.m. club. No, I have no other choice. I have no other option in my day to get it in. So I created the time by getting up earlier and I shifted some things in my morning routine to be able to get that workout in. So you will find me at the gym from five to five to six o'clock.

every morning because I've created that time. I'm in that season. Now I think about the season when I started Fight the Dabbot in 2015. I had a three year old and a one year old and over the next four years sharing our journeys together, our hikes together, the camping, the workouts in the basement or on the driveway, it was a different season. And if you're a dad listening to this right now and you have kids that age in that like zero to five, six range, cherish it, cherish it.

do things together, yes, do the family workouts, go out there and do that. But understand that your context where you feel like you're super busy, your kids are still part of your thing. They're still part of your thing. You get to dictate the calendar, you get to dictate the activities, you get to register them in certain sports, you get to do your thing as a family. And that's a great season to be in. And I'm just saying that right now I'm in a season where it's not just my.

my activities, my kids are now having interest to their own things that they're passionate and we have to start working those in. And I've never been so busy in my life and I love it. And we choose it and I'm not complaining about it because I'm grateful for the opportunity to do these things. So that soapbox, I'm gonna get off that now. Your season is important to you. The seasons that others are in around you can speak into your life.

But I want you to know that in a true community where you're going to find belonging and success is where you come as a giver. And you realize that maybe your own story you think right now isn't important. Maybe you're like, I just pretty routine guy. But I guarantee you that in the season of life that you're in right now, you come to a community, to an online call, to an in-person community, to a group in your church, whatever it might be, and you bring your perspective, you will speak into the life of someone.

So always show up as a giver. Always, always show up as a giver in a community. If you show up as a giver as opposed to a taker, you will always walk away with more than you can. I'm gonna tell you that much. Two books that changed the way that I look at community and the power of community, and guys, I like to read, you can see behind me these books. There's more over there. I love to read two books that changed the way that I look at community.

were the books, Tribe by Sebastian Junger and The Power of the Other by Dr. Henry Cloud. And in both books, they prove this or aim to prove that when we are in community, we become more resilient, more effective and more fulfilled. And when I read those three things, resilient, effective and more fulfilled, I thought of Jared. Jared's a guy in our community, he joined, dad's making difference. Okay, he's a character.

He really is, I really love this guy, but he was on the verge of burnout. Like he's a high energy dude, but he was struggling with his health, his marriage was rocky, and his work as a leader in his real estate brokerage was overwhelming to him and he couldn't balance it all. But being around other driven, faith aligned dads gave him the tools and the trust that he needed. And part of our community too, we do health challenges, so.

In the first two and a half months, he dropped 15 pounds. He said he re-connected, re-ignited that connection with his wife and he found clarity in his business and his leadership, all because he wasn't doing life alone anymore. And you might be listening to this and thinking a couple of questions of your own, like, Cam, I've been burned before, how do I trust another group of men again? Or.

Maybe, what if I don't have time to commit to a community? Now, guys, I'm gonna tell you this. If there's a nerve that gets struck with me in conversation, when guys say, I don't have time, we all have the same amount of time. You've heard that cliche. You need to own it. Own it. Because if you come to me and you say, I don't have the time to prioritize my health, I don't have the time for my family, I don't have the time.

for community for one hour a week to show up on a Zoom call with a group of guys who speaking to each other's lives. I don't have that, but I've watched game one and two of this series and that's six hours in front of the TV. I'm gonna punch you in the throat. Okay, I might not, but I kind of want to because you need to own your time. Be responsible, you're a grownup, control your time. And if you don't know how to do that,

We do that in our community. Give you a playbook for it. I'll walk you through it. Give you this step by step. Actually go to dadsmakingdifference.ca and download the DMD time machine. That's one of our best free pieces of value that you can get there, the DMD time machine. And it outlines everything that I've learned over the last 10 years about time management and time creation as a guy who has two kids, worked full time, ran two online businesses and hosted podcasts all simultaneously. So.

Guys, I know something or two about creating time. Go check it out. All right, that being said, here's my answer to those questions. What if I'd been burned before? How do I trust another group of men or I don't have time? Here it is. Start small. Start small. One conversation, one connection. Remember, showing up imperfectly is better than not showing up at all. Showing up

imperfectly is better than not showing up at all. So how do you find this kind of community? How do you find a community that provides you with shared values, consistency, vulnerability, and diversity? First, look local. Look at your church or dad groups or community groups, men's breakfast clubs. Guys, I guarantee that no matter how big your community is or how small it is,

In your community, there's a group of dads somewhere who are meeting once a week for coffee, once a week for breakfast, or once a week for a workout, or a walk, or a dog walk, or something, and they're meeting. Maybe they meet for wings on a Wednesday. There are groups out there, so seek them out. Then reinforce that, go online. I would say, of course, join our, first of all, join the Balanced Dad Blueprint newsletter every week, every Monday. I send out a newsletter, has four things, four,

key thoughts for that week and how to implement four steps to become a more balanced dad. Also has the fight the dad bod tip of the week. I share some stuff about the podcast, upcoming events, all in that newsletter every Monday. Just go get it, Balanced Dad Blueprint. It's the first thing that you can start your week with that's gonna give you some anchoring into a bigger community. And then of course, jump into the DMD Brotherhood. Set up a call with me, callwithcam.com. Set up a call with me.

We will talk, there is no obligation. Fill out the application at dadsmakingadifference.ca, get on the call with me and let's just meet. And if you're fit, I'll invite you into our community. And if you're not a fit for ours, I will help direct you to a place that is. I guarantee it, I promise you that. So look online. Third thing you can do is create one, create one of your own. It could be a Saturday morning coffee with two friends that can turn into a life giving circle. And over time,

You invite another guy and you invite another guy. And next thing you know, you've created your own community, one you can trust. And of course, if you don't know where to start, that's why I built Dad's Making a Difference for this exact reason, because you don't know where to start. All right, here's a challenge for you. I'm gonna leave you with a challenge this week. And I wanna hear how this goes. So you're gonna send me a email or social media. So email cam at D.

DMDPodcast.com, it's the best way to email me. And then on Instagram, just at dads making a difference or send me a message on Facebook. You can find me at camhole. Here's my challenge. Within the next 48 hours, reach out to one man you trust and ask, how are you doing really? Not how are you doing, how are you doing really? Dig deep.

Because when you ask that question, you're gonna go beyond the sports, beyond the weather, beyond the politics, and you're gonna get real. And you might get an answer that puts you on your heels, but be prepared to absorb it. Be prepared to speak into that man's life. Offer connection, offer community, trust, a diverse perspective, and shared values. And you've started to build community. So within the next 48 hours, I want you to do that. Let me know how goes. How are you doing?

Really. Because guys, one connection could change everything. For you and for another man. Brother, I'll leave you with this. Your strength doesn't come from white-knuckling life. It comes from locking arms with other men who are committed to rising higher together. You don't have to be the lone wolf. So step into the circle, become part of the pack.

You got this, but you got this in community. And if this episode resonated with you or you know a man who needs community, share it with a dad who needs it. And if you ask somebody, hey, how are you doing really? And they're like, hey, weirdo, why are you asking me? So hey, Cam, challenge me to this. You should listen to this podcast and encourage him to do it because he needs community as much as you do. All right, go out there, take the next step, join our brotherhood or learn more.

How about the DMD brotherhood at dadsmakingdifference.ca. And until next time, keep making a difference, one connection at a time.