Welcome to Rabble Rants, I'm Santiago Gelo Quintero and alongside Jess McLean, we're going to unpack

the stories that have us most riled up and challenge the narratives around I am an active duty member

of the United States Air Force, and I will no longer be complicit in genocide. I'm about

to engage in an extreme act of protest, but compared to what people have been experiencing

in Palestine at the hands of their colonizers, it's not extreme at all. This is what our ruling

class has decided will be normal. I hate that last line, it hits too hard, because I'm not

sure if he meant the genocide in Gaza or the extreme lengths people are having to go through.

I'll be honest. I'm kind of struggling on how to best process and address the death of Aaron

Bushnell. For those completely unaware, Aaron is the Air Force service person who lit themselves

on fire outside of the Israeli consulate. He live-streamed what he did because the last

person who did this, we still don't even know their name. On December 1st, 2023, A woman

outside the Atlanta, Georgia Israeli consulate also set themselves on fire. We're not even

sure if they survived or not. And that has to be the most heartbreaking outcome of it all.

We surely can't let that happen this time. For a pair of people who spend the bulk of their

time encouraging people to protest, to push back, to do everything within their means for

change. and to express such urgency. This really was a heavy weight and there was real obligation,

I think, for us to talk about it. I let it be known I wasn't okay and Santiago called me.

And I think my greatest fear at that point was that there were a lot of people out there feeling

like Erin, feeling really desperate and not knowing what else they could possibly do. to

get people to listen, to get the people in power to do what we need them to do. And it's such

desperate times. So it's a careful balance here, this discussion on both honoring Aaron's sacrifice

and finding hope in perhaps tactics that allow you all to keep on fighting. I don't like talking

about this. It's uncomfortable. But I felt like it was important to talk about it. Because

to a certain extent, you know, I get it. I can relate to the sentiment. And that maybe scares

me a bit. You know, I think one thing that I'm still trying to figure out how to do constantly

is how to live in this world, trying to fight for things to be better, without getting overpowered

by despair and hopelessness. It's a constant. struggle. And I think my answer, for a large

part, has been community. You can hear, you can hear us both struggling to process this,

but, and we took some time to process it, but I'll admit I've leaned on some of the work

of other people who've written some pieces. I will of course link that. There's a piece

by the anarchist network Crime Think, and near the end, they speak to their audience. And

I feel as though this message rang true for both Santiago and I. And so this is for you

folks as well. If your heart is broken by the horrors in Gaza and you are prepared to bear

significant consequences to try to stop them, we urge you to do everything in your power

to find comrades and make plans collectively. Lay the foundations for a full life of resistance

to colonialism and all forms of oppression. Prepare to take risks as your conscious demands,

but don't hurry towards self-destruction. We desperately need you alive at our side for

all that is to come. But I think while we say that, it's important to acknowledge the point

to which Erin and other people get to where conventional and unconventional means. persistence,

numbers, the best organizing possible is really not moving things fast enough and these are

not situations that can be losses. Right now we're talking about impending genocide in Gaza,

but the act of self-emoliation has history in desperate moments of resistance. when many,

many lives are on the line. Imminent continued suffering and war, you know, that people just—Vietnam

comes to mind. There's an article by Common Dreams, and it talks of quite a few cases of

this form of extreme protest that happened in the United States, and one in particular entered

it up in the memoirs of the then Secretary of Defense, Robert McNamara, one gentleman, 31

years old, Norman Morrison, he lit himself on fire just outside the window of McNamara's

office. And in his memoir, he speaks of the tension that caused within him as a human being,

as human beings still responsible for the death of millions of people, but it also caused tension

within his family and then within the home front, the public opinion. So I think it's important

for folks who survive this. Aaron can't do any work anymore. And You can sit there and question

the efficacy of that sacrifice. That's your right to do that. But I think any time you

spend doing that is far better spent trying to fill the void in which Aaron has left with

intense advocacy and resistance and to give meaning to his death. Because how heartbreaking

would it be for someone close to you to make that level of sacrifice, thinking they were

so powerful, that act was so powerful? that it could change something and it never did.

I think that would be the worst case scenario. And so that's on us, right? Like that's not,

that is yet to be determined. I think a lot of people will try to paint that frame of mind

in that extreme length to mental health. And I wanna talk about that for a minute because

surely at this point with the conditions that we were already experiencing before having

to watch 160 days of the most brutal genocide and to resist the entire time without much

change. That is trauma. And we are experiencing a collective trauma at the moment. And I believe

anybody that is not struggling with anxiety or with depression or sleeplessness has perhaps...

been able to compartmentalize themselves a little too much. If you haven't opened your heart

up and been vulnerable in these times, even if you are not experiencing the extreme conditions

of depravity that exist, you can see them. And these times are not okay. And of course the

people living in them are not going to be okay. And it's okay to not be okay. That's such a

cheesy line. But at this time, like you can't... sit and be questioning your own strength or

resolve. If you're just breaking down in tears, if you can't have a normal day after witnessing

some of the things that we've witnessed. But also to build on that, I think it's important

to mention, empathic strain is a real thing. It often brings with it a sense of guilt. So

empathic strain is, well, I mean, it's in a name. Yeah, it's a certain. numbness that comes

from overexposure to difficult situations, witnessing other people's pain and suffering for prolonged

periods of time. It's something that, for example, is very common amongst healthcare workers.

It's a type of burnout. And, you know, I definitely relate in some ways, where there's a certain

guilt where maybe you feel like something should be affecting you more than it does because

you're so exhausted. Because the human brain is incredibly good at adapting to horrible,

horrible things. You talk to anybody who's ever lived in a war zone, they talk about it's only

after that they realize like how messed up so many of the aspects of their life were that

felt normal. Like it's also okay to have to experience it. It's okay to also have to protect

yourself. I think there's not a lot of purpose in forcing ourselves to suffer, but I think

it's important to be empathetic and compassionate. And those are not the same thing. It's important

to do what we can, but to also recognize a need to protect ourselves and protect others around

us. Because, you know, we can't, like we have to keep living. That's part of what it is.

And living doesn't mean ignoring. Living doesn't mean acting as if nothing's happening. But

living is, in its own way, a revolutionary act. Like, being conscious of everything that's

wrong in the world. not accepting it for what it is, living and trying to build something

better. Because I think that's what it comes down to, what I mean by living is, you know,

building. Life is change and growth and experience. And it's necessary for us to root what we do

in that, because it's what we're fighting for. We're fighting so that people can live good

lives. And the... The quote that just read a bit earlier, that's, it spoke to me in that

way, where it's like finding people, building something, trying to create change in the ways

that we can affect. It's incredibly important and it helps us be able to face all the horrible

things that we see constantly. Obviously building community is easier said than done, I think

sometimes, particularly the isolation. that we're going through as a result of COVID and

all of the other things that press on us every day. But really it starts with just one person,

one support, and you build from there. We really need to start connecting with the comrades

that we have on more meaningful levels so that we can start to feel our impact a little bit

more. And plus it's always nice to have folks to lean on at the same time. But when we do

all this organizing and everyone does, what's in their capacity, still, we've talked about

this before, still you're left with this feeling that it's not enough. I had a lot of the things

that we are fighting for, we've not seen the needle move. But I think when you talk about

Palestine, that's when you can really draw hope, because we have seen the narrative shift. And

I know that it doesn't seem fast enough for the people in Gaza. And that is definitely

arguable. But there's no arguing against the fact that what people are doing is working

bit by bit. Every single conversation, every single rally, every single news item that challenges

it, like it is, there are gains from it. And when you're just one person, maybe with like

a niche task and very limited reach, it is so easy to think that you really don't have a

bigger impact. Like you might look to the movement leaders and higher figures or other personalities

and think, you must not be doing enough because Anna Lipman, she's flying over to the West

Bank. But the work that you do sometimes is so immeasurable, just like the loss of Aaron

Bushnell is also immeasurable. Right? Whenever someone leaves us, it's impossible to actually

measure what that loss is to our movements. But it's also impossible for you to measure

your impact. And you have to be okay with that. This isn't like work where you might get earn

more money or, you know, other really kind of other tasks where success might be more easily

defined or visible. Because I struggle with this, of feeling completely ineffective in

a bubble, screaming and no one can hear you. But people do hear you. And the analogy that

was used to help me focus there was of seeds. So if you've ever planted a garden and you

use seeds, you plant more seeds than you expect that will grow. You inherently know that they

won't all bloom, but some of them will. And so as you go through your life, imagine you're

not cultivating a garden that's right next to you that you tend yourself, but it's you are

dropping seeds as you go. And in every interaction that you have with every human being, you have

the potential to drop seeds there, but you keep moving, you don't know. You don't know what

grows from those seeds, but you have to inherently know that some of them will sprout, will grow

their own fruit and spread their own seeds. You can't do that if you're not here. You can't

drop any more seeds. That's it. So that may not feel fruitful, but it's just something

you have to know that is true and that you have to know that sometimes the victories that we're

looking for, they may not come in our lifetime. And that's hard. Sometimes that's hard to swallow.

Like some days you can say it and it's like, that's right. I just got a duty. I just got

to maintain that fire at the very least, right? So the fire just like at least doesn't go out.

Eventually it'll catch, but my job is to maintain that fire. But sometimes that's a really lonely

task. Or I think we're sometimes easier motivated when we can see the finish line. And so there's

a mentality that we have to maintain knowing that... That finish line probably will keep

moving for us, but we can't let that leave us in despair. Something that is not necessarily

intuitive in the kind of culture that we live in, right? Because we're used to growing up,

going to school, you have semesters and you have grades and you get, this is how you did

here, this is how you did there. In the finance world, they have quarters and shit. There's...

Constant opportunities to kind of get a sense of where you're at And so we kind of get used

to that being how we look at the world when that's not how this works It's and the butterfly

effect of things is so difficult to understand and it back to the whole human brains adapting

to things The more you do the more you feel like you need to do You know, I've never once

been at a level where it feels like I'm doing enough and and it takes purposeful reflection.

I was talking to a friend yesterday who's kind of going through a rough time and we were talking

about how easy it is to give up and do nothing, right? To just let everything, let life wash

over you, let time wash over you and just let go. And how when you look at things like the

nihilistic lens of things, it's in a way it's okay, but how it doesn't feel better. It doesn't,

by the same argument, why not live? Because it feels better to try to do the little things

in your day that just, that you don't have to do, that it, you know, you'll survive without.

But that reminds you that you're alive and how over time it becomes a little bit easier to

try. And it's something that I definitely, you know, like I relate to have been done in the

pit and, you know, just taking things day by day until eventually it's becomes a little

bit easier. And it doesn't feel true at the time that it will ever be easier, but it does

get easier. And I think it's something that, especially in spaces like ours, where mental

health is often a very real challenge that we all face at some time or another, it's important

to look out for each other. It's important to support our community. And it's important to

keep in mind the butterfly effect of it, right? Because... We will never understand just how

important the little things are, but they're more important than you can possibly imagine.

I want to go back to Aaron. It's not to like prioritize his death or anything over the almost

30,000 now Palestinian deaths that he is trying to address, but I hinted at this before, a

lot of people are painting him as crazed, or... using it as evidence that the left is just

rife with mental health struggles. If anybody's watched it, he speaks with such clarity. But

besides from that day, he's been described by people who knew him as a force of joy in their

community. There was a post that referred to him as an amazing, gentle, kind, compassionate

person who spends every minute and every penny he has helping others. He is silly. makes everyone

laugh and wouldn't hurt a fly. He is a principled anarchist who lives out his values in everything

he does." Folks might hear that and hear that he was, you know, four years in the Air Force

as a little contradictory, but putting that all aside, he was very clear in his goals and

he does seem like very principled. It seemed although extreme, he made it. rationally. And

I think it's important to note that not just because, you know, I'm trying to defend him

personally. A mental health struggle is not anything that we should build stigma around,

whether he was or wasn't. I think it's just to drive home the point that in these times

with this level of shutout of the public, screaming in masses, disrupting, doing everything possible,

and being shut out. and feeling no impact. This is where rational people will land. So our

movements need to address it. This must weigh on the minds of politicians at some level.

Perhaps they're able to remove themselves, I don't know, but that is where they should feel

great shame in the fact that they have not listened to the populace and the populace has gotten

to this point and have before. This is what happens. In fact, the Arab Spring, it was often

the The death of Mohammed Wazizi, who lit himself on fire in response to having his cart stolen

by a police officer and had spent all his money trying to bribe the cops to even keep the cart

open. It was just a real act of injustice. And it was that fight against the ruling class

with the only thing that they had left. He had given everything else. Resonating with that

desperation without mimicking the act is okay. We cannot have other comrades. Repeating this

we have to give enough weight to Aaron's death that no one has to follow after him including

The people trapped in Rafa we have to find ways to fight that strive to like match that spirit

of self-sacrifice Without having to leave our comrades behind to fight without us