[00:00:00] Joaquina King: But there clearly was a transformative process going on. And people were at various stages. And I really do remember Christy saying about someone who I didn't know, maybe it's seen them once or twice where she remarked at how the physical transformation was so evident, you know, fine lines and wrinkles gone.

[00:00:23] You know, they just had a vibrancy to them in terms of how they were showing up and what they were sharing. And others of us were just like confused and struggling. Like, I'm just trying to get through lesson one, module one. I don't have enough time in the week to read everything and to go back and listen to lessons again.

[00:00:44] And you know, there's not enough hours in the day to get through all this. What are we trying to accomplish here? But I have to say now what I heard others say then, and I am now at that point, which is you have to go through the process. You have to commit for yourself. And the transformation naturally comes because I do believe that it's a transformation within, it's a transformation of one's mindset.

[00:01:10] And I do believe that it's physical in that, you know, the commitment to your own physical health and diet, exercise, movement, all of that transforms the, you know, the face and the body and everything. And so it's a real thing. I don't know how else to say it. It's a real thing.

[00:01:31] Christy Rutherford: Welcome to Why She's winning with your host, Christy Rutherford, a master of office politics and self care advocacy. Christy's clients have received over 10 million in salary raises in a pandemic, surprised that women are still getting paid during these challenging times. It's possible for you too. You can have it all, if you believe you deserve it. Christy and her guests will assist you with that. Let's get started.

[00:01:59] All right. Yay. We are live. Hallelujah cuz Last week it was tripping. Let me put piece of hair in order. All right, welcome everyone to Why She's Winning. I am excited to be here with you today. We changed our normal time of noon, every noon to 11:30.

[00:02:15] Last week we was 12:30. I'm traveling, I'm traveling. We gotta keep it going though. So today I had the phenomenal, the amazing, the gorgeous, talented, brilliant, Joaquina Borges King. Joaquina is the Senior Council of Ever Source Energy in Connecticut. She specializes in state regulatory electric matters with expertise in energy, procurements, renewables, and customer service matters.

[00:02:43] She has over 20 years of legal experience and possesses a unique skill set in forming and executing strategies for success in navigating regulatory challenges. She's an active community member and a public servant having served on two gubernatorial, I got that right, appointed counsels, judicial selection and judicial review counsel in the state of Connecticut.

[00:03:04] She's a mentor to many and has a great family she loves and supports. She earned her JD from Georgetown University Law Center and her BA for Wesleyan University. Welcome, Joaquina.

[00:03:15] Joaquina King: Thank you, Christy. Thank you so much for the introduction as well, Birds of a Feather as I learned from you flocks together. So for all of those kudos I send those right back to you.

[00:03:24] Christy Rutherford: Yay. Thank you, man. Thank you. All right, so, Joaquina, what was going on, right? Cause I like to talk about change and the reason why I do this show. Hey, Cathy! I like to show women what's possible in joy. And the thing about leadership, leadership is hard, baby. Let's be clear, to be a senior woman in leadership, I already know you a little crazy and I made that blanking statement because it costs a lot to have high levels of success. It costs us something, whether it is mental and physical health, whether it is joy, whether it is time with family, there is a cost and a price.

[00:04:08] Okay, I'll get my hair in order. Two high levels of success. So I wanna do this show to show women what's was possible on the other side of themselves. So I'm grateful for you, Cathy, you know, or Gary and all the women who have come toshare your stories because we are the change that we want to see in the world.

[00:04:31] And and I'm just grateful for you all to come on and, you know, we ain't telling all your business, but I wanna share just enough so women can know that their lives can be completely different so we can actually have it all. So what are your thoughts around what was going on when you were like, you know what, I need to do something different.

[00:04:52] Joaquina King: Right, right. So you're absolutely right and I will say that I definitely ascribe to being one of those women that has a lot going on, but can handle it grace, under pressure. So not only professionally in terms of career, but community commitments and volunteer organizations, those that are sort of supplement income and those that do not as well as a family, which for me has always been an absolute priority in terms of reconfiguring things so that I can be there for family, immediate family and extended family.

[00:05:26] So, for me, what was going on was I was just straight up, worn out, worn down, exhausted. I did not profess that I think externally. But I think it was evident in some places and in some relationships that I was worn out and very few people probably knew the details of all that I was carrying.

[00:05:47] But I was also at a point where I knew with the exhaustion that I needed a change. And so, I was in a space where I was trying to figure out where was the change needed? Was it, and of course I was thinking more externally. I was thinking, you know, is it in my professional life? Is it in my community stuff that I need to start shedding some of those responsibilities?

[00:06:10] Was it relative to family dynamics? What was the sort of the breaking point? And so I started seeking you know, being a professional I do consider myself to be a really good private investigator for others, not so much for myself. So I was just looking for ways and for avenues of relief.

[00:06:30] And I came across Christy's profile. I don't know, someone I know must have had her post that. And she just caught my interest, to be honest. And so there were a couple of weeks that I was just stalking quietly listening to what she was saying, getting chuckles and giggles every now and then, and then also hearing some real truths that would have me take a step back and pause.

[00:06:54] So I started looking. I knew I needed something, but hadn't yet made that step towards Christy, to be honest. But she absolutely came on my radar and once she came within view and the things that she was saying, and not only her but some of the other testimonies from other individuals who I didn't know who they were anywhere around the country, it started resonating. So that's what peaked my interest. You want me to keep going cuz there's a lot more.

[00:07:23] Christy Rutherford: Wait, no, I wanna break it up a little bit and ask you, cause I do wanna, you know, we're gonna get it.All right. We got about 35 minutes here, right? So you said a lot, right? And one thing I wanna back up on two things that you said, you said very few people knew and you said that you were worn out and I wrote by doing too much.

[00:07:43] So talk a little bit about that, because we are professionals, we are family members, we are mentors. Oh my God, Right? Like, and then we're part of all these organizations, so we're super women that we rarely check in on ourselves and admit that we're tired, but nobody ever asked. So I want you to share a little bit more about that because, you know, we're in the holidays, which is light of fluid on crazy. So share a little bit more about if you're willing about what it's like to be tired and nobody ever asks?

[00:08:24] Joaquina King: Right. So, part of that is, and I'll be honest, it's not that people don't say, how are you doing? But when people are saying, how are you doing, they really don't wanna know.

[00:08:33] They really are not ready for the dump that really could come their way cuz it would be a watershed. So I would go through the, you know, the niceties of, I'm busy, we're all busy and keep it moving. But for me, the overflow of responsibilities and things that I had on my plate in some part and in some fashion I had begun the process of shedding certain responsibilities, I wouldn't say I was putting up guardrails, but I was shedding responsibility.

[00:09:06] So I was very conscious of that. But the reality is when you're already at overflow, you're already way over capacity. The shedding that I was doing really wasn't making a difference. That was really my reality. In addition, I think for me, relative to who knew in terms of my inner circle, immediate family to an extent, spouse, probably so, but spouse is also running a million miles an hour.

[00:09:33] And so, it's sort of, you get to the point of what's the point of sharing just to burden someone else who really can't help me because they're drowning as well. So it was more of a circumstance where I realized I was well beyond over capacity and I said, I know I need pull up stakes in certain areas and really set up major guardrails.

[00:09:56] But I did not know how to do it in a way that for me addressed the emotions that I had behind it, which were, I'm a responsible person. I've always been responsible, so how do I stop being responsible? It would be irresponsible to sort of bail on all of these commitments and I didn't know where to go with those thoughts and emotions.

[00:10:18] I'm also a person of faith which is a major component of my life, and so, even in. Like, I absolutely believe in the power of prayer and unleashing and unloading, but it wasn't getting rid of the tangible responsibilities that I also had, and I was beyond stuck. I was beyond stuck.

[00:10:39] Christy Rutherford: So, I'm writing it down. God released me take the baggage. That's a prayer that a lot of women have, and I'm like, but you gotta do something. You can't keep going to God and be like, save me, give peace, give me joy. And if you are not willing to let go of your habits. Right. Like, so you said two things that were good you, you said earlier you didn't know what the change was that was needed.

[00:11:08] Right. And then you say, I didn't know how to do it. And so as women, high achieving women, now let's add black women on top of that, we try to do everything ourselves and trying to figure it out. I talked to a lady the other day and I was like, this is what we assess you were doing. And she was like, wow, well, I'm trying to figure out how you do it. I said that's what we do.

[00:11:30] Like we always wanna be the smartest people in the room. Joaquina, you know, we always wanna be the boss. We've all seen control freaks trying to control everything. And so, if women can just relax just a little bit and just say, You know what?

[00:11:44] I'm going to allow another expert to basically guide me where I'm tired of going in circles and I'm tired of being stuck. So what. I think your revelation with that, right? And and and turning over cuz there's a surrender.

[00:12:02] Joaquina King: Yes. That was tough. That was tough.

[00:12:05] Christy Rutherford: Go ahead, talk about it.

[00:12:07] Joaquina King: So in that realm as well, because I am for, and if any of my mentees, I'm actually not looking at who's joined us, but if any of my mentees are here, they will know cuz what I have said for more than a decade to women who are junior to me, mentees and close associates and friends that whole myth of a superwoman like it does not exist, don't ascribe to being a super one woman. It is not about being a superwoman. It's about making conscious choices about you are career, your time, your energies, your commitments.

[00:12:39] And being okay with those decisions and the consequences that flow from those decisions. I'm a big advocate of that. I still am, but I now have a whole another perspective on it. So for me it was that yeah, I have, and those who probably saw me from a distance would say, she is operating at an optimum level.

[00:12:59] And the fruits of that show are evidence in, you know, the spaces that she is and the positions that she holds and all of that. But what I recognized was like, how to make it stop for me required a level of accountability, personal accountability to myself being, which, you know, it's a term that I didn't like, selfish.

[00:13:22] That's just, that's a term that I've always rejected. You know, a lot of us use this term self care and what does self care look like? So I was trying to move in those directions of being selfish. Utilizing self care but did not really know how to close the deal on self care for myself, If anyone picked up the phone, if anyone asked for anything immediately, I would push back on myself and allow whatever that commitment, that obligation, that ask to supersede myself.

[00:13:57] And so what I remember in my first conversation with Christy, she's like, well, what are you looking for? I said, I need an accountability partner. I need somebody who's really going to hold me accounted, and I am a squirrly partner. Like, if you tell me we need to do this, I'll say, yes, I will follow through, but I will not be all in mind, body, and spirit.

[00:14:19] And I knew I needed someone to align with a level of accountability to move myself forward in those spaces of self care. Being selfish for myself, being selfish in terms of my mind space, you know, it was really something very unfamiliar for me, very, very unfamiliar. And the flip side of that is that I did have some pride in the fact that I was considered and dubbed the responsible one.

[00:14:50] Like, yeah, you know, I do. I am the one that, you know, eeny, meeny, miny, moe call because if I tell you I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna get it done. But to one end and the point is, it is gonna catch up to you. There's just no way to run this marathon of a race of life and always be operating at that level, it is going to show itself where you are not putting yourself first. And that's one of the revelations I've had along my journey.

[00:15:22] Christy Rutherford: Whoo! Joaquina, bringing the nuggets. Catch up! All right, so you said so much. Personal accountability for self, selfish. Right. Which we're gonna talk about. What did you think selfishness was and what you now know it to be?

[00:15:43] You said, people who see you at a distance cuz they see your results. They're not looking at what it costs to get these results. They ain't up in your face. Right. And so, I want you to share a little bit more about, because we show up, you said, you have pride in being unresponsible. We show up for everybody but ourselves.

[00:16:05] If somebody calls you and says, hey, can you do this? Yes, you're on it, but you can't work out three times a week for yourself. So, you know, if somebody calls and say, oh, Joaquina guys, you know, she has, whether it's family, community or job or like whatever, immediate family, cousins, we're there for everybody, but we won't show up for ourselves and eat healthy for a week.

[00:16:29] Joaquina King: Right.

[00:16:30] Christy Rutherford: So, what was that revelation, once you started to see, because I always say we have this period in the first two or three weeks where you actually see your life and you'll be like, oh my God, how did I get here? Because now you can't change what you can't see, and now you can see the mess that was created through, you know, doing 120 miles an hour.

[00:16:52] And it's only, and when I say a mess is only you becoming clear on who you really are. Now let's start there with the truth. What was your AHA moment with that?

[00:17:03] Joaquina King: It was a couple of weeks to be honest, and through some of the new habits that I was trying to instill. It took me a while to instill those taking the time to start my day. And what's funny is some of this stuff are some of the principles and precepts were things that I have heard in my life. I probably have utilized in my life at one time or another, but I never committed to them for myself.

[00:17:32] That's the part that was the AHA moment, was that, I could probably guide others very easily to certain precepts of the importance of meditation for yourself, the importance of healthy sort of lifestyle which I was not doing, exercise, you know, we can all do, especially as we're coming at towards the year end and people thinking in 2022 and what healthy habits are they gonna do. And So I've never been one that ascribed to resolutions, but just sort more so seasons.

[00:18:07] And my AHA moment was that I could never deliver on being responsible to my own hopes, dreams, aspirations. And to be honest, I didn't even know what my own dreams were anymore. I was that far down and away from being in tune with myself that I could not articulate with clarity what my own dreams were.

[00:18:37] And that was my aha moment because I was kind of shocked that I could not articulate it. And let's see, separate and apart from someone else or a hat that I wore that I successfully, you know embodied. That is what the revelation was and yep, Cathy, I'm seeing one of my coaches Cathy write saying YES, because it was a pretty big aha moment that I could not disassociate from all of my responsibilities to articulate what my own visions and dreams were for myself.

[00:19:23] Christy Rutherford: So shout out to Cathy. One of the greatest of all time. Of all time! So I was telling my friend last night we were having dinner and I was like, man, when I was at the Coast Guard, I could tell you like what my career looked like and all the boxes that I needed to check, but Joaquina, I would go to psychics all the time and be like this, am I ever gonna be happy in my life?

[00:19:42] Like this is insane. I could tell you professionally exactly what my life would look like for the next 15 years, but personally gave no zero attention to it. But this is the thing, I mentored 90 people outside of my office in addition to the 106 people work for me.

[00:20:02] I could tell them what to do, but I wasn't doing it myself. Right? I could tell them, you need to get a life, you need to make time to, you know, stop getting all these degrees and get a life. You should make time to go do this. You should make time for excess. I wasn't doing it myself. So talk a little bit about, you know actually, I wanna let that part go cause you did the exact same thing, you said, I could tell people what to do, but you weren't doing it.

[00:20:28] So, we're here to talk about, write the vision and make it plain. So I have a story that I know, that I wanna talk about with your vision, but talk to us about you said, I didn't know what my old dreams were, which is a revelation and so I always ask women on the call like, if I was your fair godmother, what would you ask for? Successful women cannot answer the question, and it's not a trick question.

[00:20:52] Joaquina King: I know that's wild and I remember that question. Yeah, it's a lot. It's amazing. I mean, I'm beyond that thankfully. But when that question is posed and I'll just speak for myself, the fact that I could not quickly rattle off the list of things again, disassociated from somebody else's joy and happiness was a major.

[00:21:25] Like, I gotta work on this. Like there is clearly something off here. And I have to say as well, I think part of the struggle as well for me was recognizing that I do have tremendous blessings in my life. I don't want anyone to think that I'm, and maybe this is where it was even more challenging for me and maybe for other women, which is that, you know, we do have families, supportive friends around us.

[00:21:55] We do have some career pinnacles and successes. You know, we have all of those other things, external things and factors, but you know, I'm a person of faith, so I'm not like un anchored and flippant in how I move in the world, but to recognize that I had not invested the energies and to this journey of life for myself.

[00:22:23] Was a big aha moment, and it was also a place of, I don't know how to get out of this hap, I don't really know what the tools are and the steps are to get out of this mode that I've been in for, you know, 20, 30, 40 years. Which is not what I thought I was coming to Christy for cause I wasn't trying to talk about that stuff because I didn't know that that stuff was what was anchoring me down.

[00:22:50] So really reaching back into, you know, childhood and giving thought to experiences that really shaped who I am and how I operate was the gift of my process that I didn't know I was getting into. But priceless, priceless in the revelations it gave me.

[00:23:15] Christy Rutherford: I had to write that down, gift of the process. You be like, you gonna see that in Joaquina's testimonial. Okay. So I remember when you joined cuz you know that's your right division and I give everybody the title based on what I saw their biggest aha moment. And I remember we talked about it several times, like when you joined the group and you saw Christiana up in the corner smiling like the chest shower cat, and you were looking like, why is this lady so happy?

[00:23:49] And I asked her, she said, because I used to be like her. Does that make sense? So you see change through other people. So talk about, you know, when you first joined and you see these women who are happy, and then you see some women who are locked up, right? Because y'all are early on in the process.

[00:24:06] Yeah, talk to us about that revelation of what's possible. Which that vision for you at the point was, if I could just be happy like that, act like everything else. Cause we've checked all the career, the awards, the associations, the family. You checked all those boxes and then you just see somebody in peace and you be like this. I won't be right there. So talk to us a little bit about that.

[00:24:29] Joaquina King: Yeah. So that was really and that was early in the process, you know, day one because those who are participating are on this journey. Not everyone's starting at, you know, the first gate. There are some who've been at, you know, already gone through several hurdles and are moving on in the journey.

[00:24:45] And so, there was a part of me that feels like, okay, I'm plopped in and I'm just checking out where people are. And yes, Christie would always come with the energy that you see today, which is phenomenal. And one of the appeals or the draw, and I think it's all from within, she's walking in her purpose.

[00:25:01] So this is why it's just natural. She's effusive because she is totally plugged into what she's supposed to be doing. So that's an aside. But what was amazing, seeing women who were at various stages and I was confused. I was admittedly like, what is going on here? Like, what is to come?

[00:25:21] I didn't know what was to come. I knew the early lessons that I was doing the modules, which really required a commitment to self and time to actually get through those modules. And some of them I couldn't move through cause I would really get stuck. The biggest thing really was the physical manifestations of transformation.

[00:25:44] So to hear some women who were towards the end of their journey show up with like all of their pearly white showing. And I'm like, what is going on? Like, is this real? Like, what are they talking about? And some of this may not even be resonating. So I'm imagining for some of you who are listening are some are probably scratching their heads, like what are they talking about?

[00:26:06] You kind of have to experience it to fully unappreciate what I'm talking about. I don't know how to say it beyond, you know, it's one of those where, you know what you know, so it doesn't even matter whether everybody's on board and understanding what I'm saying. Those who have gone through it and understand, understand.

[00:26:23] But there clearly was a transformative process going on. And people were at various stages and I really do remember Christy's saying about someone who I didn't know, maybe it'd seen them once or twice where she remarked it how there was the physical transformation was so evident, you know, fine lines and wrinkles gone.

[00:26:47] You know, they just had a vibrancy to them in terms of how they were showing up and what they were sharing. And others of us were just like confused and struggling, like I'm just trying to get through lesson one, module one and I don't have enough time in the week to read everything and to go back and listen to lessons again and work in my journal.

[00:27:09] Here's one of my journals here. And you know how there's not enough hours in the day to get through all this. What are we trying to accomplish here? But I have to say now what I heard others say then, and I am now at that point, which is you have to go through the process. You have to commit for yourself and the transformation naturally comes because I do believe that it's a transformation within, it's a transformation of one's mindset.

[00:27:35] And I do believe that it's physical in that, you know, the commitment to your own physical health and diet, exercise, movement, all of that transforms the face and the body and everything.

[00:27:50] And so it's a real thing. I don't know how else to say it. It's a real thing. And I am there now. I know I have had people who have said to me. There's a woman that I met with I believe it was, I started my journey in April of last year. I met with that person I think over a Zoom call early summer.

[00:28:11] Or it may have been in the spring as well. So I was wiped out, knew I was wiped out but was still showing up to try to, you know, get kick started into some other things. And then I saw the person at the end of the summer, so about three months later, four months later, and that person remarked. You are showing up like you are a different person.

[00:28:31] Without me telling them what I had been doing and what I had been working on for myself, they were able to say, not only from what I articulated with clarity, but just I think my persona, everything that showed up was different.

[00:28:48] Christy Rutherford: First of all, you glow like Bruce Leroy on the last Dragon, right? I think when I saw you on the, like our closing interview, I was like, my God. Like, you know, it's like you have this and this is the thing I always tell people, you are not looking for joy, you are joy. You just forgot. You know, you aren't looking for the light and peace you are peace. You just forgot.

[00:29:18] So our job is just to remove, You're there and you know, it's, you're closer to what you want than you think you are cause you have everything. You just have stuff that's blocking it.

[00:29:30] So it's like the rubrik's cube, you be like, okay, so if I can get the blue side of you. Right, we can unscramble what happened, you know, with regards to your job or what happened in your childhood, or what happened here.

[00:29:40] Once you get all the colors locked up, it's a predictable process of freedom. So you look amazing. So I was like, God, go, Joaquina is 20 years in the face and that's from self camp. So you said something so good, you said two things, I don't have enough hours in the day, that's what we think. I don't have enough hours in the day to take care of myself because I'm too busy taking care of the hundred people who need me.

[00:30:12] Who are not going to wait. It's okay to take care of yourself. No. They have become addicted to needing you. We become addicted to being needed at our early demise and our secret misery. And being outta shape and not eating properly. So we feel like crap. So the whole goal is, and it's tough for high achieving women.

[00:30:40] I did it, which is why I burnt out. So I love it when you say, there are not enough hours in the day to do all this stuff. All we're doing is say, hey, can you stop for one hour a day or 30 minutes a day to take care of yourself. You're like, no, no, oh my God, how am I gonna do it? Where am I gonna find the time?

[00:30:59] So the Lunacy, Joaquina. Plus, we all do it, which is why we're worn out at tire, which is why we have these amazing results. And you said something else, you said, you kept saying, I have tremendous blessings and I am a person of faith. So I wrote, I'm not supposed to be struggling. It's what you always say. So, I can't take care of myself because I'm blessed and I can't complain because I'm blessed and I'm a person of faith. I should not be tired, but I am, you know?

[00:31:38] Joaquina King: Yeah, absolutely. You hit it because those were, I could not, and unfortunately, like I said, I have my journal. I have this great book from Christy, which I didn't use initially, but it's been great just to calibrate myself on a daily basis and taking the time.

[00:31:57] And I think, I don't know how much more time we have, but I do wanna address, cuz we talked about this last week.

[00:32:04] Christy Rutherford: Yeah. 15 minutes if you got it.

[00:32:05] Joaquina King: Okay. Was the fact that, you know, we were supposed to be talking last week and I was struggling. Last week I fell, I completely fell off the horse. I fell off the track and I started, you know, I was back in my swirl and I'm so thankful that some of the tools that I learned along my journey came back to mine.

[00:32:29] The habits of affirmation, I think one evening I came home cuz I realized, I was like, okay, this is not the way it's supposed to be and I paused. I remember Christy, but I thought it was a crazy thing, admittedly, the first time you said it, Christy, I was like, okay, really? I'm not gonna do that.

[00:32:49] But she's like, I think one of the assignments was this weekend dance. You know, And I was like, what the heck? You know, like, what is she talking about? Like, I'm glad for her. I'm glad that Dance makes her happy. That's great. We've seen her little clips, so I'm so happy. I was like, but I need, you know, that's not really what I'm here for.

[00:33:08] But I took the time to listen to, I just sat still, I really sat still. That was the number one thing is to sit. And then I started thinking about all the things I had not been doing. The habits that I had formed, thought I had formed, but I fell away from that I immediately reset to the meditations.

[00:33:31] The, you know, the power of the thought is incredible which I've known before, but really hadn't put into practice. The universal sort of keys of attraction. The rules of attraction. Putting it out there and it coming back. So I'm so thankful that I caught that and that I was also able to get right back on track.

[00:33:53] So now I'm, you know, revved up, but I was worn down and, you know, I said to Christy, maybe there's a reason why. And she said there probably was a reason why the technology wasn't working last week. So I can actually tell those who are along the journey, or those who want to get on the journey, that every day is a new day to restart and reset to what you really know works.

[00:34:12] Because I started slipping into the habits of what doesn't work. And I immediately caught myself after, you know, probably 48 hours of crazy. And I'm right back to clarity about what I need to do for myself. Carving out and dedicating the time to me first versus all the other things that are going on in life.

[00:34:32] And I feel so much better. I know I'm lighter, you know, everything else is flowing, you know, in a different way as it should.

[00:34:41] Christy Rutherford: So, here's the thing. One, this is a journey. We're on a journey, and so the goal is we don't wanna talk to y'all forever. This is the thing, this is transformation and it takes just as much action and active participation to joy.

[00:35:03] It takes a lot for me to be this happy other than the coffee, right? And people think I smoke weed. I be like, I don't smoke weed. Even though it's cool now, but I don't do it like this is a natural high. So the goal is what habits can I create and maintain the joy level that I've created? Cuz you gotta keep going.

[00:35:22] This is not a passive activity into freedom. You have to maintain the rose garden. You'll really have to do anything to an abandoned lot. So James Allen said, if our minds were likened to a garden, whether actively cultivated or neglected, it must and it will bring forth. So whether you actively cultivate your garden, the rose garden, which takes a lot of work, or neglected it, which is the abandoned lot, it must bring forth.

[00:35:52] So I always ask two questions and the goal Joaquina with everybody in this process is, and I want even people to understand that you can't just read one book. They expect change. You can't meditate for a week and expect change, you know, six weeks from now. And then you say the meditation didn't work well, you only did it for a week.

[00:36:10] So I always ask two questions. What did you do and what did you stop doing? Because you now have the tools to now get back to the joy level that you created, that you didn't know what was possible. So it's always like, I'm going to get back there. And the second thing that we talked about, your husband was like, what's going on?

[00:36:29] So the people in your family, when they see this new bright person and then you go back to being a celebrant, they looking at you like this, so what happened? Talk to the ladies a little bit about habits and then I really want you to talk about how it used to be of you now showing up new and then you go back to oh, and the people in your family are like, when you having that?

[00:36:51] Joaquina King: Yeah. My husband was like, do you talk to your coach or you talk to Christy? You need to get her on the line again. So, no, for me the habits were absolutely some real basics that are introduced very early in the process about one, setting aside the time. And I, for one it was hard, that whole thing about there only 24 hours in a day, I got sleep, I got all this other work to do.

[00:37:21] You know. that was the very first obstacle that I personally had to overcome because we were meeting weekly. And so instead of me sort of saying, I'll get to it later in the week, I'm gonna do it. Which is did happen initially. Like I got all this work to do and I've gotta cram on Saturday, Sunday before we get on camera sessions with Christy, cuz I don't wanna her to bust me in my head as she would say and be embarrassed.

[00:37:48] But at the same time I was like, what am I doing? Like, I've invested in myself. I need to slow down. So the first thing was investment in myself and in my time which was a very weak, I wouldn't even say it was a muscle I had no muscle to do. It was a foreign feeling experience. I had not done that.

[00:38:06] So that was the first thing. The daily meditations and hearing affirmations about who I am that I am beautiful, that I am capable, that I'm enough saying that to myself in the mirror, saying it out loud. You know, whenever I'm in the spaces to say that, and it wasn't just in my morning routine, it could be in the middle of the day, it could be, you know, while I was driving.

[00:38:31] So keeping the power of the thought, I think is the other thing is really training myself to catch my thoughts before they really self germinate cuz I really believe that that's what they do. Either positive or negative or nowhere in between vacant, but being very conscious of my thoughts. That was a second habit.

[00:38:51] The exercise, like three times a week. I'm looking at my bike over there cuz last night I said to my daughter who was happened to notice, I didn't know that she had a way to see my activity level on my bike. So she's like, you have not really been on your bike. And I was like, Oh, don't worry about that.

[00:39:11] I got it. But it's a commitment to, because I really did feel better. You know, the results of movement, you do feel better about how your body's shaping up the stamina you're building. Even if it's you're starting small with 15 minutes and then pushing to 20 minutes to 30 to 45, whatever it is.

[00:39:32] That satisfaction that comes from putting in and getting the results. I think those are the three primary things that I was doing. And then well I should say writing it down. Cuz since I've been, that's what I fell away from. Once we ended was just putting, taking the time to journal and write things down.

[00:39:52] Which I think is a habit, even if it's 10 minutes to write down what my successes are keeping my red apples very clear, my vision, very clear. And then just working towards that every day.

[00:40:05] Christy Rutherford: So, okay, we got two more questions. We got five minutes. This is the thing, right? I wrote down a lot of moms and wives are smarters to their position of being a wife and a mom, and a leader.

[00:40:20] We're martyrs to it because we're committed to everybody and we're not committed to ourselves. But then you get secretly mad because they're not allowing you to be committed to yourself, right? Which is insane. So what's interesting is your husband was like, well, you talking your coach, what's going on with you?

[00:40:38] Then your daughter said, you're not working out, but once a mom and a wife commits to herself and then changes, your family wants that person in the house. And they start reminding you, what happened? We like this free lady talk. Talk about that in your family. Cause they're like, we need to work out. You ain't been on your bike and you're like, oh my God. So you can't go back. Go ahead.

[00:41:06] Joaquina King: Right. Oh, I think the other component piece, which I shared along my journey and I'm still working on, which is the recognition of the fact that as a mom, as a wife, as a partner or whatever, that the energy that we put forth into our family unit, however that unit looks.

[00:41:28] Is palpable, which people already know, palpable people know that. But I shared that I was concerned, I think somewhere along the journey that I think I was sharing an observation about one of my children and I didn't recognize I think someone told me that was she doing exactly what you do.

[00:41:50] And I was taken aback because I did not see that. I honestly did not see that the habit of going 200% for everybody, every circumstance being the Buddha for everybody. To help them resolve their issues and not putting that time in, that's who I was. So I think the new person, the transformative Joaquina that came out of all of this is the person that definitely takes the pause and takes stock because I'm not helpful if I don't do that I'm really not helpful.

[00:42:34] And I don't like the results that I was modeling and didn't recognize, it was a mirror. It was definitely, it's a mirror. So yeah, they saw that process. Not all of them saw it up close because some of this I kept private, but the newer transform, Joaquina, that was lighter, that was handling things better.

[00:42:57] That was just freer in so many sort of components is the person that I really want to be and stay in that lane. That's what I'm working on.

[00:43:10] Christy Rutherford: Ooh, that's good. All right, one more question. So what advice do you have for women? Cause there are people who wanna work with us, right? There are people who don't know what's gonna happen, which is we control freaks where I need to figure out what they are trying to do.

[00:43:25] I was like, man, just jump in and trust the process. What advice do you have for women as we're going into the new year? And I just say there's no better time to change than now that if they want to be a part of the process and they don't really know, or they haven't invested in themselves, what you said was a foreign thing. What advice do you have for women who were like you, you know, a couple months ago?

[00:43:44] Joaquina King: Right, Right. Well, I mean, I, I do believe that everything happens for a reason, and the timing of it is based on what the universe. , what's what's meant to be? I do believe that. I think you have to get over the fear of the unknown.

[00:44:00] And I, I think for, I know for me, I wasn't processing the fear of the unknown. I was processing again, because I was operating out of what I knew my MO was. I know what. Yeah, I know what I'm gunning for. I know what the objective is, , and that's, well, that's all I'm focused on. If you're gonna go on this journey, be open because the gems and the gift are, are, are coming in sideways, left and right, you know, bust you on your head.

[00:44:29] It's gonna come from all, all directions if you are open. And I also recall for myself as well as, The aha moments where you're hearing it. I've heard it once or twice. Not only from Christie or the other coaches or from other women about the stagnation in their journey or where they were stuck or wherever, but nobody's, nobody's aha moments are, are for you to just latch onto.

[00:44:58] You have to go through it for yourself. And I, like I said, it was, it was the first. Significant investment I've made in myself outside of material things, but I really think it is the most valuable, priceless investment I have made in my life because the revelations, I would've never gotten to this point of revelation without having been held accountable and challenged in this way.

[00:45:27] This is not counseling. , I've, I've done counseling. It's not like for someone to tell, tell you this is what you need to do, or to just, you know, have diarrhea of the mouth of all your problems and issues. It really is about doing the, the work for yourself and having individuals that truly care about seeing a transformation in your life.

[00:45:48] For the. So the, the last

[00:45:51] part, and y'all can do my free case study at Change now with christy.com. It's free. Go ahead and check it out. You said held accountable and challenged. Look, we're holding you accountable and challenge you to take care of you. Like that's it, .

[00:46:07] Yeah, I know. As crazy as that. I mean now I can, you can say it so easily, but I, I didn't know what that meant.

[00:46:13] Like what is, Cuz that was foreign. That was so foreign. and it's cra it's, it's just pretty mind boggling. And I think the other piece, which I've heard Christie say this several times in others, which is she does have a formula. It's not, it's not cookie cutter, but it's in certain precepts. These are like fundamental truths.

[00:46:35] So you could believe it and not believe it, but I be, you know, I think a fundamental truth is a fundamental truth. We're not in a situation where you know, facts don't matter, but it really is the truth is the truth and the truth will set you free. That's, that's fundamentally it.

[00:46:52] Christy Rutherford: All right. Joe Kenna, thank you so much for sharing your insight.

[00:46:55] Kathy, write the greatest. Thank you for your contributions to Joe

[00:47:00] Joaquina King: Kenna's change. Yes, absolutely.

[00:47:03] Christy Rutherford: So what, what, what gratitude do you have for Cathy while she's on the line? I mean, if you

[00:47:08] Joaquina King: got Yeah, Cathy, I, I have to say your, not only your transparency about your journey, which I don't take for granted anyone's sharing, but also Cathy was like a, a little bit like the sous chef, but with a different, another level of precision when she was chopping it up and, and getting me like just.

[00:47:31] Zeroing in on what I was saying and it just would give me pause. So she was really just phenomenal in how she partners on the Rutherford team of, you know, vision makers to just. Help me see things clearly in a way I just really could not thank her enough. I'm gonna get emotional, so thank

[00:47:59] Christy Rutherford: you. That's what I'm talking about.

[00:48:01] I ain't even get you emotion, you crying when you talking about Cathy, you.

[00:48:09] Joaquina King: So, and can I say one thing before we leave? Cause I don't know who's listening or anything, but I am, I am more than happy to connect with people. So anyone who's watching this and who listens now or in the future, if you're curious more, I'm not gonna tell you all my business, but I'm happy to share my journey further cuz it really was pretty remarkable for me and priceless.

[00:48:29] So thank you for the opportu. Look, I'm still assaulting

[00:48:34] Christy Rutherford: about them. Tears for Kathy, but thank for

[00:48:40] Cathy's like the we call Cathy. I call Cathy the panther, the silent assassin. Cathy is like, Ugh, . I'm like the bush over your head. Cathy asked you a question to

[00:48:50] Joaquina King: give you pause, you know, like exactly like, you know, it's come, It's true. That is true. You do know it's coming with Christie, like you're bracing.

[00:48:56] But Cathy is the silent assassin .

[00:49:00] Christy Rutherford: So, and it's all necessary and it's all needed. So, you know, I thank you for sharing your insight and, and again, you know, we do.

[00:49:09] Joaquina King: Because

[00:49:10] Christy Rutherford: once you become free, like that's my goal once Kathy, who was a client we interview, the first, once she became free, is almost like this new mission of, Hey ladies, look, let's actually be free and not be, And that starts, you know, wrapping it back up with the title.

[00:49:32] Write the vision and make it plain. Right. We were talking about value, which we don't even have to get into on that, on, on the job piece. Right? And, and the value of seeing yourself and how that's changed. But let's just talk about taking care of ourselves. That's the vision. So when you saw the lady smiling, that's the vision that I saw that you had when you I was focused on.

[00:49:56] but then I ended up getting this.

[00:49:59] Joaquina King: Does that make sense? It does. Totally. It, totally. And it, and it really was. I've told individuals who I have met that it was not what I expected. It was not, I, I don't know what I, I do know what I was looking for, but it just was more, it was, it's just more, I don't know how else to put it, other than it was, the journey was more.

[00:50:18] And you know, I, I would not go back and I'm so grateful to have. The arsenal that I have now, which I was not equipped with before. . That's good.

[00:50:30] Christy Rutherford: Thank you so much Jo. Everybody. Thanks for joining us. Jo and I hang up. You can get my free case study changed now@chrissy.com. Then you can check out if you wanna work with us.

[00:50:38] The link is on that site. Everybody have a phenomenal weekend. Take care. God bless. Thank you for joining us. Be sure to subscribe to this podcast and leave us a review. If you love this episode, follow Christy on Instagram and LinkedIn, and don't forget to get her free gift by texting. Change now all one word again, change now to 6 6 8 6 6.

[00:51:02] Until next time, go out and win bigger.