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Welcome to Parents Night out with no New Friends.

The comedy break every parent deserves.

This is the podcast where parenting meets pure unfiltered fun.

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It's your night out without the kids, where nothing is off limits.

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My name is Scott.

I'm the host with.

With me, as always, my amazing cast of characters, the scumbag reselling hoarder himself, Chris.

Happy Kwanzaa, everyone.

It's our favorite time of the year.

The Jewish American princess, Sarah.

Hello.

Our emotional support, gay Nick, Felice Navidad and our producer, Alex.

Life is short.

Well, Merry Christmas, everybody.

Happy Hanukkah for us.

This is Christmas Eve Eve, December 23rd.

Christmas Eve Eve.

It is Christmas Eve Eve for the rest of the world.

It's Sunday after Christmas.

So you're getting ready for New Year's.

You're.

I don't know what you're doing, but it's not Christmas anymore if you're hearing this now.

Anyway, so speaking of Christmas, I finished my Christmas shopping today.

December 23rd.

Wow.

Yes, I did too, I think.

Yeah, I'm very last minute.

I went to Walmart.

I went to Walmart today too, actually.

It was Chris.

It was awful.

I went to Target first, but like, I couldn't find a parking spot so I drove to Walmart, which was fine because I wanted to listen to more of the Wicked soundtrack.

So, like, it worked out there.

You got that?

Yeah, but.

And not the porn, Chris.

The.

The movie.

I was gonna say I don't watch that in public usually, but it was.

It was awful.

It was terrible.

But I learned that my daughter Abby is the best shopping buddy because all I needed to get today was stocking stuffers for Rachel.

That was it.

And she knew exactly what to get.

It was fantastic.

Sarah, I feel like you were gonna say something.

You're not finished yet, are you?

No, I still have stuff coming in tomorrow, and then I have to pick up two more things.

Tomorrow?

You know tomorrow is Christmas Eve.

Yeah, but I checked.

The places are open at least for enough time for me to be able to get what I need.

Okay, I think you have us beat with the procrast.

Procrastination?

Yeah, because I got my Christmas tree two days ago, actually.

Listen, wait, wait.

You're like in the movies.

Hold on, hold on.

I watch these movies where they're decorating the tree on Christmas Eve and I'm like, that's not realistic.

People have their trees up like after Thanksgiving and walk.

Sarah.

Sarah's like, hold my man of Shavitz.

Maybe that's what was involved.

But we spoke about the whole CEO thing.

Okay.

And I, you know, with.

With the death of.

Of the CEO and.

And whatnot.

And I.

I spoke about the Goodwill CEO, and I'm wondering if something happened now because the prices have kind of lowered.

So I walked into the Goodwill just manifesting a Christmas tree because I'd seen them and they did.

They had beautiful Christmas trees.

And I walk in and it's Thriftmas.

And it started that day and it was 50 off.

So I got a seven and a half foot pre lit tree that has all these different Funky settings for $40.

Wow.

Wow.

And the lights still work on it.

Every.

Yes, every one of them.

I am so satisfied.

It looks beautiful.

I feel Christmassy.

I feel pride as a Jew because I got it at a discount.

So I just.

Yeah, and I'm really bad at gift giving, so I started looking for things like three days ago.

Realistically.

Yeah.

I went to five below yesterday and was like, shoulder to shoulder with everybody.

You are Jewish, aren't you?

Five below for Christmas shop.

That was stocking stuffers.

Okay?

Stocking stuffers.

Okay.

And I still spent a hundred dollars on stocking stuffers.

So let's be fair.

I.

I still went a little crazy.

Because in your head, everything doesn't add up the way it does until you get to the register.

Correct.

Especially on Amazon.

Well, that one says it right there in your card.

Yeah, but I'm not paying attention to that.

No, that's called dyslexia.

Well, I am.

When I check out, it's different.

When you just stood in line for 20 minutes and then you get there with a cart full of stuff, and.

You'Re like, I just want to get out of here.

You already see the pile of stuff behind the register that people are like, oh, maybe I don't want this.

And I'm like, I don't want to add to that.

Nope.

My anxiety won't allow me to do that.

Just.

I'll take everything.

Yeah, it.

Okay.

I guess it's a problem when I'm in the checkout line and my daughter looks at me and she's like, well, that wasn't as bad as last year.

And.

And just sees the price and.

And it's terrible.

Well, I see it in.

In increments, you know?

Right.

So because of Klarna?

Well, not this year, actually.

Last year a little bit.

Yeah.

Not gonna lie.

I was gonna say I see prices in increments as well, but, you know.

You spend like a couple hundred here, a couple hundred there, you're like, oh, that wasn't that bad.

And then you're like, oh, my God.

Where's.

Where's my bank account?

Yeah.

When you see the bank account.

Yeah, yeah.

You get the email saying your balance is below a hundred dollars.

Right.

Right in there.

Like, wait, how did that happen, Chris?

How last minute are you.

You.

You're.

You're done, right?

No.

So I have.

I like to tell myself that I'm better under pressure, and I wait to the last week.

Yeah.

Okay, so.

And I get really good gifts because I don't overthink things.

Right.

So for Emily, I ordered her something on Thursday and had to pay 18 extra dollars for express shipping for it to get here.

So sometimes it does not work out.

But anyway, before I go on with this story, how old do you guys think I look?

Just give me a range.

Just like you don't think hard about it.

Just give me a range.

Early twenties?

Mid twenties.

Mid.

Okay, mid thirties.

Perfect.

Okay, perfect.

I am procrastinating by force.

I have to go and do the rest of my shopping tomorrow.

So I did the grocery shopping at Walmart for Christmas day stuff.

Then I went across the street to the liquor store, and I was in there for a half hour getting all the rest of the stuff.

I got the Santa's Little Helper wines for my neighbors.

I like to drop them off at the door.

Okay, great Christmas gift.

Then I.

Emily gave Me a recipe for Christmas margaritas, which we're gonna make tomorrow night.

It's cranberry juice, lime juice, triple sec.

Went to the triple sec section, nothing was there.

I go up and ask the person that works there.

She says, oh, it's this aisle.

I go there, it's not there.

So this is what's taking me so long.

They just a very unorganized liquor store.

So I finally found it, and I kid you not, 25, 30 minutes later, so I have it on my basket.

I go up, she rings me up, it's $80.

I swipe my card and she goes, oh, I forgot to ID you.

And I was.

You serious?

I was like, I literally paid.

Like, she was printing out my receipt.

And then I go to get my wallet, and my wallet's not in my pocket.

So I was like, okay, it's in the car because I took it out to pay for something at Walmart.

So I was like, I'll be right back today.

I'll just put it to the side for you.

Okay.

I go in my car.

Not there.

So I go back in and she's.

Oh, did you not find it, like, real, like, real cheerful, like she's just gonna let me go Anyway, I was like, yeah, it's.

She goes, okay, well, just swipe your cardigan.

I'll return all this for you.

So I had to wait in line again because busy.

It's.

It's two days before Christmas.

And she sure as she scanned everything back and made me return all of the alcohol.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

Never.

I.

I always thought the ID thing was just like, yeah, just show me your id.

This lady was all business.

I like looking at her, like, full beard and like, limping.

She had a beard or.

You.

Worked at Walmart, Nick?

Of course she did.

And no, our Walmart's don't sell alcohol.

I wish they did.

So, yeah, so now I have to go to a liquor store on Christmas Eve shirt.

Won't be busy on Christmas Eve.

Nobody gets alcohol on Christmas Eve.

Nop.

And yeah, and then I was.

I had to get lottery tickets there too.

My mom just texted me, hey, get the lottery ticket.

I was like, actually, I didn't.

I was going to until I was refused service at the counter.

Yeah.

So first.

First time that ever happened.

Unbelievable.

And it was one of those, like, rinky dink alcohol or liquor stores that have no business following any laws.

Wow.

They're the ones that get audited all the time by the, the, the, the.

The tobacco and whatever bureau you.

This, this should Be a lesson to you though, because you're all like, oh, you know, I've got my credit card on my phone.

I just do Apple Pay.

You know, it's so easy.

It's so easy, you know, just Apple Pay.

I never forget my wallet.

I never forget my id because it's all with me.

It's all with me.

I've got my cards to pay for, to pay with, stuff to pay.

You know why I forgot it, Scott?

Why?

It's right here.

Because I was online shopping for Christmas presents before I.

Before I left.

That's funny.

Well, now we have like digital IDs too, that you can get through the airport.

I have seen that.

Yeah.

That may be the full transition for me.

I don't know.

So you won't be allowed to do that after January.

That's true, that's true.

No transitioning here in Florida.

So in addition to my daughter being a great shopping buddy, she was like super excited to wrap presents with me.

And you know, my wife has had everybody else's done.

Like, I'm talking everybody else.

My stuff, Darren's stuff, Mikayla's stuff, Abby's stuff, my parents, my extended family, Everything's been wrapped for weeks because that's just what Rachel does.

And, like, if she bought something else, she wraps it immediately.

I typically wait till Christmas Eve.

And when I say I typically wait to wrap on Christmas Eve, I typically wait and then have Mikayla wrap everything on Christmas Eve.

Because I am not like, I am that typical dude rapping things.

It's all a mess.

It's a straight white male.

Exactly.

Yeah, I think it fits to that.

I'm a straight white male and I love wrapping gifts.

I take my time.

My wife thinks I take too much time.

But, you know, you gotta be particular if you want it to look really nice.

So Abby's like, super excited.

I'm like, this is fantastic.

Like, I've got her, got her doing this.

So she informs me as we get started that she doesn't know how to rap.

And I'm like, oh, and I'm going to be the one to teach you.

Okay, here we go.

Within two presents, she was a pro.

And like, she's telling me like, hey, your side's uneven there.

Like, she's coaching me.

But I have a new partner in crime when it comes to rapping.

It's amazing.

But Sarah, I'm with you.

I'm the worst gift giver ever.

I like, I'm terrible at it.

I hate Christmas from the aspect of I have to find Stuff for my wife.

So let's.

Let's go over her top gifts this year.

Okay.

The record player, that's.

That's the number one.

But she already knows about it because it said it on the box.

I had that same issue.

Yep.

I got her a shirt that has a possum on it.

And the possum is like.

And it says, first of all, I'm a delight.

And then I have a snoring problem.

I snore at night and she has to wake me up to turn so that I stop snoring so that she can go back to sleep.

Well, I get woken up and it's super annoying.

So I bought her one of those, like, sleep headphone headband things.

Like, it's like the headband that has Bluetooth speakers in it so that she doesn't hear me snoring so that I can stay asleep at night.

So we'll see.

We'll see.

So this all benefits you?

Correct.

That's what I was gonna say.

Yes.

It'll help me.

I'm the worst gift giver ever.

I got her this.

It's a charging stand, you know, with a built in charger.

But I realized she doesn't have this, like, she doesn't have the magsafe thing or whatever on the back.

So she's not gonna be able to charge it.

It's just gonna be.

That's a sweet gift.

Yeah, great gift.

Great gift.

I'm just terrible at this stuff.

So, Nick, you had Santa Claus come down your.

Your street?

We did.

He.

So you guys talked about it last week, about how Santa rides around on like a fire truck or you guys have a flatbed or something in Florida?

Yeah.

Yeah.

He came around our neighborhood, say, tractor, hey, come around our neighborhood.

And I slept through it, so I missed it.

So there's literally alarms.

There's literally fire trucks going apparently down our street.

And I missed it, so didn't get to see it and.

Sounds like New Jersey.

Nick, to be completely honest with you, just like, just turns into white noise.

Yeah.

I was gonna ask if Scott got you a pair of those headphones too.

No.

Listen to sirens all day.

It's probably from all the weed you just pass out, right?

I just.

I needed a nap.

Yeah.

So unfortunately we missed it.

I didn't even tell Piper about it ahead of time, so she's like, it's okay.

She's all good.

She saw him on tv, so.

I feel like it's different, though.

On tv?

No, because the one that comes around in the neighborhood is like, they're on a fire truck, and the guy is obviously wearing the fakest beard ever.

Yeah.

So it's not even, like, a good one.

Well, yeah, but he's a firefighter, so he's hot underneath the beard.

Firefighters aren't hot.

Not where I live.

Yeah, it's.

It's not a great.

Not a great area town to.

For that.

Yeah.

So I missed it.

But I did see a sexy Santa last week.

Oh, that I want to talk about.

Yes, please.

So last Wednesday, I had a night out on the town with my husband.

We had a date night, but we went out for my cousin's birthday.

And.

Yes, Scott, this is the hot cousin.

I was just gonna ask.

The hot one.

Yeah, yeah.

So we.

We went out for her birthday a few.

A few weeks early.

But there is an all male review here, which is strippers.

Male strippers.

And they were doing a magic Mike show at the mall.

Oh, at the mall, at the mall.

And by at the mall, I mean, it was actually a speakeasy inside of a bar there or a restaurant.

So you go back into this kitchen and you walk through their cooler, and that takes you upstairs to the speakeasy, which was weird.

Yeah.

I feel like that's like the start of a murder movie taking place in New Jersey.

I.

I would have let these guys murder me.

So here's what had happened.

So it's basically us two gay guys and, like, 60 girls in this room.

Then there was another gay couple at our table, too, so there really was no men there.

And the guy comes out, and he's trying to act like he is.

What's his name?

Matthew McConaughey.

Yeah.

All right, all right, all right.

He's trying to act like he's that, but when you look at this guy, you just know he's on a registry somewhere.

Okay.

Not a lot near women.

You know, he's probably groped a lot of women.

So he.

He was an interesting character that was hosting the show.

But there was four male strippers that came out.

The first thing they did was a sexy Santa dance wearing the scream mask but doing it.

Doing it to the mean girls.

Jingle bell rock song.

But what.

Why the scream masks?

I.

I don't know what was.

There's no gay guys there.

I'll let you know that.

Okay.

None of the strippers were gay.

I was surprised because Sean and I walk in, we're like, we're probably gonna know them all.

All of our friends have never been to, like, a strip show before, and Sean and I are like, the most comfortable in there.

We're like, this is, is a typical Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, typical night at Chris's house.

Like, yeah, I don't, I don't know what's with the creepy masks that they had on for sexy Santa outfits.

But I still turned on.

I thought all male strippers were gay though.

So here's the thing.

One of them was homophobic.

Gonna call him out.

Really don't know his name.

So the, the guy that hosted the show, he kind of was going around on the microphone before everything and he's like, oh, we have some guys in the audience.

He's like, I love seeing that we have guys here.

He's like, honestly, we went to some other shows to like try to get some ideas of what they wanted to do and they didn't let them go watch the show because they were men and saying that it's only women's shows.

Which is weird because I'm like, don't a lot of women go to female strip clubs?

Uh huh.

Scott would know.

That's a very quick yes, sir.

Scott.

So yeah, so he was really cool with it and stuff.

And like I decided to have fun and throw some dollar bills up to see if they would come over and give me a little dance or two.

The one guy completely ignored me all night long, really.

But he also looks like he didn't want to be there.

He was chewing gum the whole time.

Like it was just very awkward.

But the other ones like come over and they were having a great time with us, but clearly super straight by the way they danced.

Yeah.

I even mentioned that I wanted to defy gravity with them and they didn't even, they even know what that meant.

So clearly straight.

Nick's like, are you team green or team Pink?

And they're like, what are you talking about?

Chris and Sarah are also like, what are you talking about?

Yeah, that much I know.

At least you still haven't seen it.

No, sorry guys, can't with you.

I'm just gonna send you guys like every single meme and reel that has to do with.

So you can just forward them when.

I send it to you because I feel like I'm sending you every single wicked reel that comes up on my feed.

Perfect.

My poor husband tells me all the time about the ones that I already haven't watched of his.

And then I reference something that one of the girls sent me today and she went to look and she's like, there's like a lot of unseen tiktoks.

So join the club.

It'll be in that mix.

That's basically all I had with the strippers.

I mean, we.

We had a good time.

It was a Wednesday night, so we were home by 10 o'clock, which was great.

Nice.

Not mad about it, but I do want to bring up something else that came up.

So obviously I got excited that night.

Speaking of things that came up that night.

So I decided on Friday night, I was gonna get a hotel room here in.

In Columbus.

Really?

So I have points.

It's the end of the year.

All my friends in the travel industry are doing the same thing.

We're all trying to get our points to get, like, our flight statuses.

And I have points that I need to get for Southwest Airlines so I can get companion pass again.

And if you understand companion pass, it basically means I can fly one other person with me for free for the next year.

Oh, nice.

And I've had it for the last two years now, and it's sa like, a ton of money.

So I look up and I can.

I can get a hotel room in Columbus.

And it gives me, like, 11, 000 bonus points.

I'm like.

Because they're not booking hotel rooms in Columbus.

It was because it was a big football game.

Apparently the next day, some.

Something happened where there was Buckeyes and an orange team that people didn't like.

I didn't watch it.

Okay.

Ohio State 1.

I know.

Oh, good.

Yeah.

Glad to hear that, guys.

So I got a hotel room.

Sean stayed home.

It was super nice to just, like, get out of the house and, like, kind of clear my mind.

It's been crazy busy with everything and got a hotel to myself for the night.

So I had this brilliant idea.

I'm like, I have the night to myself.

I'm just gonna pop a gummy, like, try to invite a guide over so I can have a little bit of, like, alone time with another male.

And the gummy hit really, really hard to the point that I had to cancel my blow job.

Wow.

Nothing worse than canceling a blow job.

Scott's like, let's go back.

How do you schedule one of those?

You have to sign up on my calendar, go on my link tree.

I'm sorry, Nick.

That.

That's.

That's rough for you.

Yeah, it was.

It was a little rough night.

It was.

But you know what?

I was.

I was okay with it.

I'm like, I.

I had fun just checking out, vibing.

I was texting with some friends that night, probably sending you guys reels and all that, so.

Nice.

So, yeah, I got blue balls now for Christmas.

Sorry to hear that, Nick.

Yeah.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

So, you know, obviously, last week was my birthday, and, you know, I do.

I do this other podcast with Dane and.

And Sophisticated Gentlemen every once in a while.

It's called Creators United, and.

And they.

They put together a birthday episode for me, which I thought was really, really cool.

And you guys know I'm a huge Indiana Jones fan.

Huge fan of the.

The stunt show.

You haven't mentioned anything.

Oh, okay.

Well, I'm a huge fan of the Indiana Jones epic stunt show at.

At Hollywood Studios.

And they surprised me.

We had a guest interview, and it was the.

The Kevin Broussard, who.

Who was the original Indiana Jones stuntman from the stunt show.

So super cool interview.

I had so much fun.

It was definitely a thrill for me.

It.

It ranks up there with the excitement that I had interviewing Carlos Navarro and Jeremy Miller.

So it was super fun.

But Dane has given me permission that once it gets uploaded on the Creators United, I can also put it up as an episode on Parents Night out at some point.

So you'll get to hear that episode or you can hear it now on Creators United, and I'll probably put the video for Patreon only.

So it's super fun interview.

I loved it.

I had so much fun.

That sounds awesome.

Did you tell him that you stalked the entire show?

He figured that out.

He figured, like, did you ask, like, the questions, like, the security know that you're literally lurking over bushes?

I didn't tell him all that.

Well, I did tell him that as a kid, I would go see three shows per day.

The.

The first one that.

Three times, actually.

The first show, the.

The.

I would eat at Backlot Express so I could see through the gate.

And then the.

The nighttime show, I think he realized that I have a problem when I knew which stunt people said which lines and.

And the different things that they say.

And I'm quoting things like, at one point, you know, we were talking about how, you know, he got to meet Harrison Ford at the.

At the premiere for Dial of Destiny, and I.

I was like, hey, Dane, do you know the difference between Harrison Ford and Kevin Broussard?

And he's like, no, I don't.

I was like, about $200 million, which is a line from the stunt show.

And, yeah, and I did.

I did a couple of those.

I dropped a couple of different lines from the show.

And, yeah, I think he's worried.

I think that he.

At one point, like, I.

I.

You know, when someone takes A screenshot.

You can hear the little shutter that.

I think he took a screenshot to the.

They can put me in the break room and warn everybody about me because it was.

It was scary.

But, no, super.

Just.

What a.

What a great guy.

And, Chris, you got to see the interview.

It was great.

It was really cool.

Yeah, you were salivating.

Yeah, I was.

I was.

And I definitely have a book that now that pictures are stuck together anyway.

Wow.

But no, he was super nice, super chill.

And, you know, sometimes when you meet people in entertainment, they.

They don't.

They're not necessarily proud of the role that they play, and it's like an inconvenience for them to be doing, like, interviews and to be asked questions about it and all that.

No, he's.

He's so in.

He's so in love with the roles that he's gotten to play.

And, you know, he doesn't play indie anymore, but he trains the new indies, and he said that's his passion.

He loves doing that.

And it was just.

It was just really cool.

It was a really cool interview.

I'm a big fan of him, obviously, and then the show as a whole.

So it was fun.

It was a fun interview.

So make sure you check that out.

Okay, let's.

Let's check in with Giles Garmin.

Giles Jarman.

Giles Jarman.

Giles Jarman.

Giles.

Let's check in with Giles Jarman.

And now it's time for the more, you know.

And here's your host, Giles Garmin.

Hello there.

Giles Garmin here, letting you know that on the next episode of into the Disney Vest, you can hear all about the history behind who Framed Roger Rabbit.

It's actually one of our most intellectual episodes ever because we're missing a special somebody from North Carolina on the episode.

The character of Roger Rabbit is very out there, very manic, always entirely unexpected, and hates it when other people are playing Patty cake.

So as you might expect, somebody that, you know, somebody that's been embroiled in quite a bit of controversy was originally attempting to play him in the film.

Yes, a very special host from the Arkham Asylum comics.

Of course.

As a reminder, you can check out new episodes of into the Disney Verse on all streaming services.

New episodes drop on Monday.

That's a Disney verse.

D I, Z any Y, V, E R S E.

And that's all from me.

Giles Garmin.

Yeah, Eddie Deezen.

I messaged him during the show, and I said, is it true that you were considered for both Roger Rabbit and Judge Doom?

You know, we were doing A show about you.

Said you'd be a great Roger Rabbit.

Thought it'd be cool to get his input.

It turned out to be super depressing.

He messaged back.

He said, yes, this was my dream role.

And it crushed me when I didn't get it.

Oh.

I was like.

I said, happy Hanukkah.

You know, he unfriended me.

Did he?

Yeah.

Because last night was our.

Oh, yeah, your.

Your night.

Polar Express night.

And I.

I went to go message him just to see how he was doing and let him know that, like, you know, we're doing the Polar Express sleepover.

And, yeah, he.

He unfriended me.

That's really depressing.

And I don't know if it's because he's got so many.

He's got, you know, over.

He's got 5,000.

So.

Yeah.

So someone else can't make the cut.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So I guess it was me that couldn't make the cut.

So I was very sad.

Very sad.

But it is what it is.

If you need to talk to him, let me know.

I'll message him for you.

So you're.

So he's.

You're still friends on Facebook?

Oh, yeah.

He comments on all my stuff.

Like, he's best friends with me.

Like, he even wishes my parents a happy anniversary.

Can you ask him if, like, I did something wrong?

Did I upset him?

Maybe he thought you were.

I was you.

And when I brought up some horrible things from his past about Roger Rabbit.

So he.

So he was taking the Roger Rabbit thing out on me?

I.

I would assume so.

Maybe he's trying to hurt.

Hurt you.

To hurt me.

I think that's probably 40 chess.

Because I was like, oh, I'm friends with the.

The nerdy kid on Polar Express on Facebook.

I was gonna show the kids again, you know.

No, he could have called.

He deleted me, too.

What?

Let me make sure I'm still friends with him.

I just messaged him the other day.

Maybe that really set him off.

Wow.

I'll confirm.

Yeah, no, he's my friend.

Oh, no, we're not friends anymore.

We're friends.

Wow.

So three hours Christmas shopping.

I know it's Walmart, but I really need to get something that I couldn't find anywhere else.

Here I am with a very nice employee there.

Well, you can still see his stuff, though.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's public.

It's so weird.

He, like, most of the time when you're a celebrity, people want to take pictures with you, and he's just out there taking pictures with Random people and putting it on his Facebook.

Yeah, but you know what?

That probably makes them feel really good.

Like, hey, you know, here's Eddie Deason saying, hey, can I take a picture with you?

Like that's a cool thing for them, you know?

I guess.

Does he only wear plaid shirts?

Yes.

Yes.

Plaid shirts.

You guys ready to play Jersey Man?

Florida man.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yes.

Where the Flipping a fan, Motor crash in a truck.

These states are filled with people who suck.

So it's time for us to play New Jersey man versus Florida man.

Everywhere.

Week Game master Ryan brings us two news stories.

One is from Jersey, one is from Florida.

It's up to us to determine which one is which.

Take it away, Ryan.

Hey, guys, this is Ryan, your in the field news reporter for the Parents Night out news team.

And I am reporting to you live from a mall.

We received reports that all the children in the mall had to be evacuated so a bald man could sit and talk to the Santa.

So we rushed over to get the scoop on what the Parents Night out team asked for for Christmas.

So I have everybody's list here, so let's start going through them.

I love this.

Let's start with Nick.

Nick asked for drugs, poppers, alcohol, and for Maddie to do more than five hours of work a week.

Let's move on to Sarah.

Actually, Sarah, why don't you read your list?

You keep laughing at that joke, I'll keep doing it.

Sarah said for Jewish Christmas that she wants a lot of green things.

Money, weed, and a green card for Lewis so their marriage will actually be official.

And one last thing she asked for was a computer that the goddamn webcam actually works on.

Moving on to Chris.

Chris asked for the normal video games, Pokemon cards.

Oh, here's a new one.

He asked for Ozempic.

And mostly that he would keep all his toes this year before the sugar got to them.

Oh, my God.

This year he asked for a more lively pet.

Have you tried hermit crabs?

At least you can cook those up when they die.

He asked for his second testicle to finally show up.

I'm pretty sure Rachel's got dibs on that.

Wants a matching pair.

And Scott also asked for a son that he can be proud of.

Man.

Sorry, Darren.

Speaking of Darren, we have a short list from him, too.

He's looking for a bulletproof vest and a father that he can be proud of.

All right, the shots fired.

Wait, we have Sean's list.

Sean wished that Tiny Tim from A Christmas Carol had survived to adulthood so he could quote, plow that ass that's disturbing.

Anyways, before this gets worse, let's get into our Florida man and Jersey man stories.

And for our first story, a man fires shots after getting agitated by a Christmas parade.

And for our second story, a man plotted to kidnap his ex girlfriend on Christmas day.

Okay, Nick, what do you think?

Why do these all sound like Scott?

I feel like the Christmas parade would be Florida.

I just feel like there's lots of parades down there.

Okay, Sarah, I haven't seen one parade yet, so I'm gonna go opposite New Jersey Chris.

I'm with Sarah on this one, actually.

And I'm gonna stick with Nick.

I think parade Florida.

All right, let's find out the answer.

So our first story is from Florida, where a man was arrested after he allegedly fired off several shots during a neighborhood Christmas parade because he became agitated at what the paradegoers were doing.

Maybe he's just protecting his property.

Santa did break into his house last year and eat some of his cookies.

So that means.

Our second story is from New Jersey, where a man who is accused of stalking his ex girlfriend allegedly concocted a plan to kidnap her on Christmas Day.

According to police, the man was found with a stash of items such as a satellite cell phone, guns, knives, handcuffs, all in his rental car.

Police were tipped off on this.

When for Christmas, the man asked for a satellite cell phone, guns, knives, handcuffs, and a rental car.

And in other news, in San Bernardino, a mother is arrested for using a giant marijuana plant as a Christmas tree.

Now, if this doesn't convert Sarah over to Christianity, I don't know what will.

And before I send it back to you guys, I do want to wish you all a very happy and merry Christmas and Jewish Christmas, whatever that is.

And you know what they say.

Tis the season to be merry.

So ignore your kids, get drunk, ruin podcast, and do that other thing I'm not allowed to talk about back to you guys.

Oh, my God.

Wow.

Okay, so funny thing happened to me today when I went to go collect all of the.

The things that I bought for Rachel.

So they were in my hiding place.

I've got all the packages, and we start to open all of them because I forgot what I got her.

And.

And, okay, this is stocking.

This is this and all that.

Okay, I can only wrap this one.

Okay, Abby, this one's safe for you to wrap.

So I come across and I'm like, wait a second.

When did I get her Star wars cards?

And then I looked, and it was from my recent whatnot order that just got put in.

I Hid that quickly because I don't want my wife to know how much I've spent on Chris's.

Scott bids up my auctions and ends up winning most of them.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So this is what happens.

So if in.

In his whatnot, I'll go in there.

I don't really have any interest in bidding on some of the stuff.

It.

Sometimes there's something that I really want, but, like, it's.

I'm not a collector.

I don't need this stuff.

So if someone bids right away, I see that they're excited.

So then all bid, and I try to drive up the bids that Chris makes more money, but I usually don't know when to stop, and I usually end up winning the thing, so.

You're welcome, Chris.

So have you ever gotten something for someone for Christmas and you're not sure if they're gonna like it?

In fact, they probably don't even know what it's gonna be.

So you have to kind of lay the groundwork to get them excited about it.

Oh, no.

Explain.

I'm intrigued.

Okay.

I'm very sorry.

A couple months ago, I found a way to buy really inexpensive, like, really severely discounted Yoda lightsabers, like, from Galaxy's Edge.

Like, the.

It's a very specific gift.

Yeah, the really nice, you know, lightsabers that.

That Sarah And Lewis have 15 of them.

So I got two of them because I'm like, okay, the most you could buy was 2, and they were super cheap.

So I got one for me, and I got one for my nephew.

Well, my nephew's never seen Star Wars.

Doesn't even know who Yoda is.

And so, like, I'm telling my sister.

I'm like, okay, well, it's May.

I'm telling you now, you have six months to get him into Star Wars.

Okay.

Shouldn't be that hard.

It's on Disney.

Like, let's make it happen.

So they didn't.

And so, yeah, so they're all over at my house last night.

So I purposely set up my.

My lightsaber, and now I'm addicted, and I want more Sarah.

So the next time we go to Hollywood studios, I'm gonna need Yalls help.

Yeah.

And it's not 15.

It's like 20 something.

Right?

Right.

I didn't care until I put it all together and turned it on that first time and swung it around, and it was, you know, in my mo.

So anyway, so is this a lightsaber or a vibrator?

Sarah can be used for either, right?

No, but I Do like how you.

You chose the tiniest lightsaber.

More relatable, Sarah.

So I, I, It's.

It's set up in my movie room, right?

And it's on the stand, and I'm like, you know, I'm calling my nephew over.

I'm like, hey, buddy, you know, I want to show you something.

And he's like, oh, what?

What?

And I said, well, you have to come in the movie room.

And he's like, well, can we turn the light on?

I was like, no, no, you have to keep the light off.

Which, like, my sister's hearing this, and she's like, that's really creepy.

Please don't talk to him like that.

So I turn the lightsaber on, and he's like.

And his face lit up, and I'm like.

I'm like, do you want to hold it?

And so I'm letting him hold it, and he's like, this is really cool.

I'm like, thank God.

So now he is.

He's prepped, he's ready, and now I've got him excited about this lightsaber.

So that's what I meant by.

Did you ever have to build a gift up because you weren't sure if someone was going to like it?

That's.

That's what I've been doing.

How so?

Well, I.

I can't say too much, but I told you guys.

What, What?

We had the experience.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Exactly.

So I've just been talking about it and bringing it up in conversation.

Just.

Oh, check this out.

Oh, check this out.

There's something new or, you know, whatever, and then excitement, you know, from the other side.

And does anybody else remember?

Because she can't say it.

What was the experience this year?

I don't remember.

Last year was Puerto Rico.

It was some celebrity.

Oh, Megacon.

Comic Con.

Yep.

Yes.

Yes.

Thank you, Nick.

Yep.

Little ears right behind me.

I get.

I get it.

I get it.

I get it.

Okay.

Chris, have you ever had to lay.

Lay groundwork?

Yeah, you know what?

And I'm a.

I'm really bad at it.

Emily hates when I do this.

It's funny because I actually, I'm really.

I thought I was really good at it.

I am really good at it.

But so I used to do this all the time.

I used to get Emily something, and then we'd be at a store.

This is when I used to shop, like, a month or two in advance, and then we'd be at a store, and I'd, like, show her what I got her, like, wow.

Isn't this nice?

Like, literally the same exact item.

And I remember, like, most of the time, she's like, oh, yeah, that's.

That's awesome.

I think one time she's.

She was like, that's okay.

And I just kind of, like, broke down.

Like, I actually.

I got you this for Christmas, So now I'm gonna have to return.

Return it.

Just return you.

Why would you even say something?

Just return it.

Maybe I told her after Christmas, I don't know.

But Emily got so mad because we were just going to stores, and I would just, like, randomly ask her if she liked something, and she's like, you have to stop doing this.

Like, this is.

This is not okay.

Yeah, I forgot.

I used to do that all the time.

And I thought I was, like, being real slick at it.

And I guess.

I guess what?

I never do that.

Except for once a year before Christmas.

It gets a little obvious.

We.

I have a bad habit of, like, I will say.

I'll mention.

Oh, you know, I really should have asked for this.

I really wanted this.

And, like, the dead, you know, the deadline has already passed.

My shopping is already done.

And it happens with my mom a lot where I'm like, oh, you know, I should have asked for this, or I really wanted this, or whatever.

And she had already bought that exact item for me, and she's like, you.

You ruin it.

Anyway, Nick, have you had to lay the groundwork for a gift?

You're not sure if someone would like.

I feel like I have.

I just can't think of any specifically.

I just.

I know the one time that I got Sean a bidet for Christmas.

Oh, that was for you.

I mean, that's amazing for everybody.

That's for the whole family.

That's a great gift.

So I.

I bought this on Amazon, and it's like, 36 bucks on there.

It's really not a bad price.

It hooks right up to your toilet and everything.

You got tushy.

I don't.

It's not a brand name.

Some Chinese.

Some Chinese brand.

I want to get a new one for our basement now.

But he was so mad when he opened it.

He's like, why would I want this?

Like, trust me.

Trust me.

So I get it hooked up, like, five months later because I have no time in my life.

So I finally got.

Had it hooked up, and this has been a game changer.

We have the cleanest, gayest asses in the city now.

So sometimes it starts out as a bad present, but it ends up being the best one.

Yeah, you Know, it's capes.

Come back for more.

That's a great.

I might do that for a white elephant this year.

I love white elephant.

I'll have to let you guys know what, what, what we get on our white elephant.

Oh, yeah, I.

I actually.

I wish I had the box with me.

Unless it's behind me.

I got a prank box for my white elephant gift.

So they.

They're gonna unwrap it.

And the box, it says, like, roto wiper.

And it's.

It looks like it's.

And it looks like super real.

And it looks like it's a.

It's a wheel that cleans, like, almost like a.

In a car wash that you hook up to your toilet that cleans your ass.

I have to send you guys a picture.

It's really funny.

That's funny.

So I did do that.

I paid an extra $5 for that.

So I knocked $5 off the white elephant gift that I bought because I stick to the budget.

Nice.

Chris, you got any Cliff Notes?

I do.

I actually have something a little bit more special this week.

I do have two Cliff Notes, and then I have something special.

It's been quite the show.

A lot of stuff's happened, so nothing can stop.

Stop this little boy from recapping the day the Chris's Cliffs Notes way.

So I started off talking about how I was denied service liquor store because I didn't have my id.

This is almost the complete opposite to when Scott is denied entry at a school for showing his id.

Scott told us a story about how he showed his nephew a lightsaber to get him excited about it.

Never had a doubt, Scott, because you have a long history of showing your lightsaber to children in dark rooms.

And instead of more Cliff Notes, I actually have a little something special for the.

For the season.

Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house, not a child was stirring, not even the one trapped in Scott's basement.

Sean was hung by the chimney with care in hopes that St.

Nick from Sandpiper soon would be there.

The dogs were all nestled all snug in Scott's bed.

While Scott had visions of milk boners in his head and mama in her noise canceling headphones and Scott in his dog looking for his Vaseline to crank on his hog.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, Scott sprung from his bed to make sure it wasn't a minority.

With a ladder away to the window he flew like a flash blue balling his dog disrobed and bare ass when what to his wondering eyes did appear But a hung man outside who identifies queer with a large package.

He knew of his shtick.

He knew in a moment he must be Nick.

As Scott drew out his head and was turning around down the chimney.

Nick came with a bound.

Actually, he did not come with a bound yet he spoke not a word but went straight to his work.

I'm sorry.

He spoke not a word but went gay to his work.

He took a hit of his weed pen then turned to give a jerk and laying his finger on side of his nose he started sniffing cocaine.

He started snorting cocaine as a sniffing a rose.

But I heard him exclaim when he drove out of sight.

Happy Christmas to all.

Unless you voted right.

Bravo.

That was really good.

Yeah, thank you.

Really good.

I thought of that halfway through the episode.

Just started writing.

That was brilliant.

That was brilliant.

I love that.

I love that.

A little special.

Yeah.

Well, we usually go around the room and we talk about what everybody's got coming up.

But it's Christmas.

It's.

It's the holiday season.

I don't know that we're going to do an episode next year, so.

Or next year.

Next week.

Or we're gonna take off for the year back in 26.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Summer.

I don't know that we're gonna do.

Wow.

We may take next week off with it being the week in between Christmas and New Year.

So we may take a week off.

So we may not be here.

Oh.

But we have to record the following Monday because it's a very special holiday.

It is a very special holiday.

So we will have to record on January 6th.

Absolutely.

Three Kings Day.

Oh, yeah, of course.

And it's also the Hunchbox.

The Hunchbox.

The Hunchbox birthday or something.

Is it really?

No.

The Hunchbox birthday.

I don't think my mother in law's birthday is until February holiday.

The holiday that's celebrated in the movie.

Oh, the holiday.

Okay, my bad.

Chris, you can't say that stuff about your mother in law.

She listens to the podcast.

Just typical mother in law jokes.

You know what's funny is my mother in law, when she's down, she's like, you know, for some reason I can't listen to your podcasts and candidates.

It's.

I'm restricted.

And I said, well, that's probably good.

Don't listen.

That's right.

When they become the 51st state, they'll be able to listen.

I'm like, you know What?

There are 7.2 billion people on this planet.

All of them can listen to it except for you.

You are the one person on this planet that I do not want to listen to this podcast.

There's two but anyway.

Alex, where can our listeners find you?

Disney Verse baby.

D I Z N E Y V E R S E and all social media platform as well as YouTube.

Join us the first Thursday of the month and we'll be doing a live episode on YouTube.

It is going to be game master Ryan hosting a game on Disney Verse.

So I'm gonna check that out.

Nick, you can find me at Emotional supports gaynick on Instagram and all social media platforms at sandpipervacations.

Sarah, you can find me on the Instagram and whatnot at Old Solter.

Chris, you can find me on Instagram and whatnot at Chris Yop.

And you can connect with all of us on our social media links right there on our website.

No new friends podcast.com while you're there check out our really sweet merchandise.

Also join our clubhouse become a friend with benefits for as low as $2 a month.

You get exclusive content, early release, cutting room floor, entering to win some prizes.

It's a super fun time.

Plus join our free public Discord.

Just go to our website website.

It's a little pop up ad and join our Discord.

We'd love to interact with you.

We'd love to start talking more on Discord.

Our Discord is is deader than my dogs right now.

Oh.

Anyway, but check us out on YouTube.

We're there every Monday and if you listen to us on Spotify or Apple or anywhere where you can give us give us a rating, please leave us a five star rating and review really helps us out.

We love that kind of stuff.

On behalf of game master Ryan, Giles, Gyles Jarman, our producer, Alex Darren.

Dot com.

Nick, Sarah, Chris.

I'm Scott.

Merry Christmas.

Happy holidays.

Happy Hanukkah, Kwanzaa.

Thank you so much for listening.

We'll see you next time.

See you later.

Poopy Bus.

No new friends.

Just the old and the B.

Scott, Chris, Sarah.

A naked tale to be told.

Welcome to the podcast where adulting unfolds.

We're adulting unfolds we're adulting unfolds.