I'm surprised by how many coaches who are holding themselves back because of imposter syndrome that their fear of being judged, fear of what other people will think.

And then when we speak to them, it's by face value.

It's not about being judged.

And then we look a little bit deeper.

Okay.

It is about being judged.

So let's figure out how to get past imposter syndrome and.

And commit to the service that your coaching business creates for your client.

I had more than a thousand,ousand one on one clients before I dared to step up on stage and present that.

I am going to be a coach running my own business.

It took me six years to get to a point where I dared to go out with my own thing instead of working behind the corporate kind of facade that I'm a part of something bigger.

And what surprised me is that it's one of the biggest things for most coaches to overcome to realize that this is me, this is who I am, and I'm here to make a difference for these people.

So today you're talking about the feeling of being too much or can I share that?

Can I really see that online?

The imposter syndrome.

Fear of being judged.

Yeah.

And fear of hurting someone.

Fear of scare people off when you really say what you mean.

And letting people understand who you are.

The fear being too much might be sabotaging the brand and the visibility.

Yeah.

And I believe that because we have a benchmark, we're working out of Scandinavia.

Scandinavian culture is very specific.

And.

And I can recognize it throughout Europe.

We're working mostly with coaches throughout Europe because we're doing that.

We can also see that there is an American culture that is kind of loud.

It's okay to stand out.

It's okay.

And it's not okay depending on perspective and circumstance.

But if we compare ourselves with Scandinavia, to Americans who do business or who just walk down the street, they appear very loud.

And we are more like humble.

And we're supposed to kind of be.

Like more pleases or more like afraid of people thinking.

Thinking something about us being judged.

Yeah.

Or just being very polite, you know, every time.

You know.

Political correct.

Yeah.

Politically correct.

Like, I'm not gonna.

I'm not gonna cuss.

It's an F word out there somewhere that we can add to that and say F that.

Because it doesn't help us and it doesn't for.

It really doesn't help coaches.

To me, it's all about commitment.

Because if it's important enough, we're gonna be loud.

Yeah.

And.

And if we're clear about what is important, then we get the opportunity to be loud.

Yeah.

For me, metaphor.

And I believe most coaches would agree because they either have kids of their own or they have been a kid or know a kid.

If my daughter were walking down the street, let's say that she was walking with a friend of hers 50 meters in front of me, and then someone were to treat her bad and I would see it from a 50 meter distance, there is nothing that could stop me from intervening.

I wouldn't be violent, I wouldn't run in and make a ridiculous fuss about it.

But because it's my daughter, she's 13 years old, it's my responsibility to protect her and help her to kind of grow into this world, becoming capable of her own.

In that scenario, I believe most of us can recognize.

Yep.

I would also step in.

I would be the righteous person.

I would do the right thing and I wouldn't hold back.

Now the question I want you to think about if you're listening to this, is what does it take for me in my business to make my business just as important?

What do I have to do?

How do I need to commit?

Because ultimately it's not to your business you commit, it's to the service your business provides.

I believe most people are holding themselves back in the marketing in their content due to not wanting to hurt anyone, not wanting to upset anyone, not wanting to step away anyone's toes.

But the problem here is if we are not daring to say things as we are, we could just as well have chatgpt just do generic content.

That's how a lot of content looks like and it's freaking boring and it doesn't stand out.

And if you look around, who are the people you really remember?

You might disagree, you might agree, but you remember them.

Yeah.

It doesn't matter if you like Trump or doesn't like Trump.

No, you know, you know he is.

And you remember Elon Musk, you know who he is in coaching space Gran Cadone.

Like you know who he is.

And you can like him or you, you can hate him, it doesn't, doesn't matter because you know who he is.

And the thing is, you might push away people.

That's correct.

You might push a lot of people, but you will also draw to you a following that will become raving fans.

But you, you can't try to please everyone, pleasing everyone.

And you know this.

Everyone listening to this, know this.

If you try to please everyone, you end up pleasing no one.

Yeah.

So you could choose to who are my people?

If you can define that in your marketing, then you can start to cut through the noise and actually divide your audience into agreers and disagreers.

And if you do it on purpose with the intention of a bigger service.

Yeah, you're not stepping on anyone's toes.

Yeah.

In our northern countries and in Europe, we've had the idea that if we make someone upset, we've kind of insulted them or it means that we've kind of made them wrong.

It's not true.

People become upset, are just experiencing emotions, and we don't need to provoke unnecessarily.

But if the truth is provoking, we need to dare to say it the way we see it to serve a bigger purpose.

You know, yesterday I had a chat with a client and she said, yeah, but I don't want to be that visible because I want people to buy my stuff because of what I'm doing, the quality I'm delivering, not because of how I look.

Yeah.

And this is exactly.

So what is the problem?

Because I'm afraid I'm attracting a lot of men who starts connecting with me.

But the women who are listening to this, I know that you are getting a lot of probably messages in your inbox from for men who are out there looking to connect, but are you willing to sacrifice being very clear and very relatable with your audience because you're afraid of someone else who doesn't matter to you, who pops up in your DMs?

I'm curious, did you have anything that you have hold back from saying out loudly because you're afraid of upsetting or having people becoming opinionated about you?

Honestly, I don't think so.

Because, like, I don't think that there is anything that I've been specifically holding back.

I've been very transparent.

One of my biggest strengths have always been I invest very little in what's private and personal to me.

I've been saying stuff that happened to me when I was a kid, when I was molested, when I was eight, in client meetings.

And people have been like that, felt the need to take care of me.

And to me, it wasn't a big deal.

It was in a context where I was trying to give something away.

I wasn't focused on me.

It just came out.

So those kind of filters have never really been a problem.

Sometimes I've decided not to speak at all because in general, when I speak, I don't have any filters.

But I've decided to tone down my voice because I don't want to show up too much or be too loud when I speak.

I say what I think.

But I can easily or not easily, but I can end up in places where I become quiet because naturally I'm introverted.

I regain my strength and I recover alone.

I need my space.

That's why we bought a ranch, so that we could be able to recuperate and find that regeneration for ourselves and our health.

But yeah, and that's a very interesting insight because I haven't really seen that before.

I'm definitely one of the people we're speaking to right now.

I need to be very conscious about not holding back.

I remember the first thing that was really hard for me to share was in the beginning.

I didn't want anyone to know that I went bankrupt in a business in the financial crisis.

I didn't want people to know because I'm afraid that that will make them believe that.

Oh, then I don't know how to run a business because that happened to me ages ago.

It took me a while before I shared that.

There's a lot of things that took me a while to share publicly.

We went to Venice and we went shopping like mad people with that gold card platinum cut.

It wasn't dad's car, it was my car.

It was your car.

It was my car.

I know it was our car, but that's how it felt like we were making a hel of money.

It was just not normal to us yet because everything went so fast.

So we went out and like, okay, we went on this crazy shopping tour and walking out with bags and bags and bags of expensive designer brands and we went to the hotel room.

We were in Venice and we just left the kids to fly home to go on holiday with their dads.

And we were alone in Venice and we're going to make this post about.

I wanted to share this episode how crazy it was and I just complete.

Oh, I don't want people to think that I'm something else.

I believe I'm rich.

I believe something and that I'm superficial.

There was just all of these things.

So my post became about, oh, I love here that we enjoying here.

It was like I just edited everything out and it took me a while.

And I remember we went out to this restaurant and I said to you during the night, I cannot not post this because that was not me.

I held myself back because I was afraid of being touched.

So I needed to go back to the hotel room and get the right post out there and share my freaking Pretty Woman experience.

Yeah, I think the other thing is also daring to be clear about who we are for and who we're not for.

Yeah.

How do you feel about that?

We care about who we're for is about people who wants to build a lifestyle business that they can grow and that they can use to contribute.

Which means that we, like people that are, according to us, down to earth, are not living in Cloud nine, trying to think their way through a million euros or because of your religious beliefs, you're not going to have a great business.

It's not because of that, it's because who, how you and you probably right.

Now have a lot of people.

Sure.

Believing differently and that's fine.

That's exactly what's about, like being able to say your thoughts, even though people might have an opinion about it.

Yeah, but.

But here's the thing.

According to me, a religious person can become just as much as anyone else.

So I have nothing against it.

I have my own beliefs.

I'm not necessarily religious, but in that way, because I don't practice anything.

But they can earn as much money as they like, but they need to be the person who does that.

Take it to another example.

I'm nothing against people who are spiritual, but it isn't the law of attraction that's going to create the.

Your future success.

Yeah, it just isn't.

Can it help?

Sure, if you wanted to, if you leverage it.

But it's you taking the steering wheel and stepping into it.

So who are we for?

We are for coaches who wants to make a difference.

So they're good by heart.

They want to make a contribution to the people that they help.

That's why we are into coaching in the first place, because coaches are people who genuinely want to help people.

I'm the same way and I want to make sure that my.

The services I provide are for those who want to make a huge impact.

When I say huge impacts, it's huge in two different ways.

It's a deep impact with the people we come across and with a lot of people.

So it's a deep impact for many people, not just one or two.

That's who I'm for.

Everyone who runs their coaching business and doesn't want that.

I am not the right coach for you.

If you want to step into your business and create something great, and I mean really great, then we can have a chat.

But it's not going to happen without your effort and your immersion into your business.

I'm just getting curious.

Everyone who's listening here, how clear is it who you're for and who you're not for.

That's.

Yeah, that's very interesting.

So if you hear this, please leave a comment.

If it's like super clear or what does that mean?

Ask me and I'll let you know.

I'll do better and I'll be more clear.

Because the thing is I like people who wants to make their hands dirty to dig into it, to grow.

One of the core beliefs that I have is that building a business is the best personal development that we can grant ourselves with.

Build a business and grow as a person, make a bigger impact.

So for those listening here and say, yeah, I understand now, it's not good.

I am holding myself a little bit back and it's not good for my business.

But it's really hard.

Everything in me is just struggling every time I need to go out and be stand out and you need to stand in today's market.

If you're not standing out in your marketing, you're invisible.

Yeah, you're not gonna get 100 because you're gonna be swallowed by all the noise.

Because everyone gets to get their voice heard on social media.

I want to leverage us as an example.

I'm looking at you right now.

You have a three carat diamond ring on your finger, pretty heavy gold chain around your neck.

A few of those things were a gift from me and a few of those things you've gifted to yourself as a result of the outcomes in your business.

You have a couple of handbags in your dressers and all of them are designer pieces.

They are worth a decent amount of money.

And I have a diamond ring that I bought when I made my first million euros.

I have two different watches that both are fairly expensive.

We are traveling business class, we drive a Range Rover, we bought a ranch.

Like all of these things were something that was possible for us because we started our coaching business.

Now here's the thing, we have all of those things, we love all of those things.

But when it comes to our marketing, we also want to show the authentic other side.

We want to show the lifestyle as a whole.

Which means we are never going to put ourselves in a place where we are displaying ourselves as the kind of Ferrari couple or the private yet couple or do all of that just to get the attention because that is not who we are as people.

But it is luxury for us is still spending money, going to nice restaurants, living at nice spas, flying business class and doing all of these things.

When it comes to how do I define that, how do I create that, how do I Become loud with who I am.

That is for you to design.

And that's.

That's really the liberation of it.

And that's exactly one of the steps in the guideline, because I try to write down here, because the first one to get past it is, first of all, we really need to catch ourselves when we are falling into this trap of holding ourselves back being us, because as you said, it's just who we are, but we are holding back being us.

And we don't want to be someone else.

We don't want to be inauthentic, but we need to also be us.

And then the next thing is we need to rewrite this story.

Because if I say my belief is like, why would this matter?

I need to rewrite.

I need to keep saying to myself, well, I need to let others understand that if I can do it, they can do it.

I need to show what's possible and I need to be authentic both in the downs and in the ups and in the ups and the downs.

I need to be authentic both ways.

It cannot go one way.

It needs to be both of them.

So who am I holding back from showing this if I'm not showing what's possible, what we achieved in our coaching business, how would others believe that they can do it, too?

Yeah.

At step number two is like, do one thing in the next week that you would never do that you're not daring to do.

Find something you have a clear opinion about and go out and share and see what happens inside of you when you actually go out and stand for what you mean and stand for what you believe, what you believe in.

Yeah.

I really want you to understand again that if you're doing journaling and writing down, or if you just have a memo on top of your computer, write down that you're not being visible to brag you're not being visible for your site, like, for you, for yourself.

You're being visible for others.

What do they need to see?

Like, what do they need to be inspired to take this step in their life to get moving forward with whatever you're doing.

Do it for their sake.

Because actually, if we are thinking about it, it's really egoistic not wanting to share because I'm afraid of being judged.

I.

I'm afraid of what people would think about me.

Yeah, that's really my ego taking over.

And I think that's what we really need to remember all the time.

I'm not doing it for me, I'm doing it for them.

And no one benefits from you holding back.

No.

No one benefits from you playing small.

So if you want to be enough for the people around you, you need to show them the good and the bad.

Yeah.

The good meaning that you're putting yourself out there and showing up.

The bad meaning that you also show that you're just as human as they are.

Because without them understanding that you're relatable, they're never going to be able to learn from you.

Yeah, that goes for your friends, your kids, your clients, and all of the people that interacts with you.

Don't hold back on your bad stuff.

Don't hold back on your good stuff.

Show up your best sides.

And just as well as you allow yourself to be human in front of other people.

Yeah, perfectionism sucks.

Don't.

Don't bother.

So before you post your next post, just remember to ask yourself, who needs to see this post today?

Like, how will I benefit the people today?

Yeah.

Love it.

So if you enjoyed this episode, please make sure you like and subscribe.

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So see you next week.

See you in the next next episode.

Sam.