Welcome back to become a calm mama. I'm your host. I'm

Darlyn Childress. And on today's episode, I wanna give you a little

late summer pep talk because I know that the

summer, we often start out feeling really encouraged and

full, and we have all these weeks ahead of us. And we're

imagining, you know, playtime at the pool and

late nights having ice cream or s'mores and just

really, like, fun memories and time to do projects around the house

and play games and all of this stuff. Right?

And then we get to like week 6, week 7 and it

starts to really weigh on us of just like, oh my god.

These kids are so annoying. They keep fighting. They don't ever

seem happy. Everything I planned, they're grumpy, and it just sucks,

sucks, sucks. So I know that that's normal,

and I wanna normalize that for you if you are feeling that way.

And I also wanna give you some strategies of how to kinda

get out of that late summer funk that is so easy to get

into. Now, I was already thinking about doing

this episode, and then I ran across this Instagram post from

a woman who calls herself the mama attorney, and you can find

her at Instagram. And she often writes about how

there's a lot of inequity and, you know, family burdens

in the legal system and, you know, like, without having paid family

leave, and she compares our country to other countries and all that. So I really

like her site because she's forward thinking. But this one

post that she posted made me laugh because it was

essentially the messaging that moms and parents get

in the summer. And it was a couple of different slides. So I'm gonna read

a couple of them to you because I think they're really interesting funny. So the

first slide says summer for parents society. This is

this message of society. Says your children are always home

and must have good memories of summer, and you only get 18

summers with them. And if you cannot provide good memories of watermelon and

pool games and exotic places, then they will have sad memories

and that's all your fault. So that's the first

message we get. Then we get a second message from capitalism, from our

economic system that says, we don't take a break here. You can't

skip a beat or you will lose everything and get fired. And if you take

paid time off, you may still be fired. But if you're on vacation, make sure

to check email because no one else is taking time off. So if you can't

keep up, it's all your fault and you will be fired. So on one hand,

we get this message of like you're supposed to be relaxed and enjoy your children

and take them on trips. And then if you're working, you get this message of

like, yeah, but not really because you need to be present in your job.

Then, of course, you have your children who are actual human

beings that you're parenting in the summer. And the message from them

says, kids, I'm hungry. I'm bored. What are we doing today? Can I have a

snack? I can't swim, so you can hold me while I splash water in your

eyes and kick your throat. I'm mad. I'm sad. Ice cream. I'm bored. I'm hungry

and it's all your fault. So here we are trying to

make great memories while maybe working, while also

giving our children all these wonderful memories, and our children are just relentlessly

needing to be parented still and have all their big feelings. So you think, okay,

I'll send them to summer camp. And then here's the message of summer camp.

It's $3,000 a week, even though we only hire teenagers and we're only open 3

days a week for 2 hours per day and only 1 week for summer. So

you'll need 8 different versions. And, also, if you do not sign up by September

of last year, you lost your spot, and that's all your fault. So you

can see the theme here. Right? Then you have your body, your actual

human body as a human of the person, as a woman.

And your body is saying, I'm exhausted and it's hot and I just wanna

lay down and relax. This pace is unsustainable and I need a

break. Some are supposed to be for rest and joy and beach reads, and you're

not doing any of that. So I'm gonna start breaking down and it's all your

fault. Yeah. So

maybe you're feeling this way. I noticed this

one commenter in the, you know, on

this Instagram thing. She says summer is beyond stressful.

Camps are so expensive. And then before and after care is another

story because, of course, of course, Sam summer camps can't

start at normal times and end at normal times like school, and

kids can't even go to the same camp. She says the end of day exhaustion

and chaos is all I get except for the precious precious weekends when we try

to cram 5 days of work of cleaning, laundry, next week camp preps, grocery shopping,

summer memories all in the weekend. She said, I hate it so

so much. Then she says, and summers were as a kid were

magical to me, and it's sad. So maybe you're

feeling this right now. You're feeling like, man, I haven't done a good

job this summer. I'm like totally not doing it right. Other moms

seem to be happier. Other families have it easier. Other

kids are enjoying themselves more. I just wanna normalize. I

mean, this post had like, you know, up hundreds of comments.

You are not alone if you are finding the end of summer

that like it's not quite the end. Right? Because we're not quite into back to

school prep and all of that. It's just like these doldrums, this sort

of late summer. Yeah?

So you're not the only one feeling that way. If you're having a great summer,

I love that for you. Like, just just stop listening to this episode. Save

it for next year. You don't have to listen anymore. But if you're struggling, if

you're burned out, if you're feeling like your kids are out of control,

you're resentful, you're overwhelmed, then this is your episode.

So the first part of this pep talk that I

wanna give to you is whatever you've done,

it's enough. I really want you to

think about that. That like, this

poster this woman who posted on the on the Instagram,

on the Instagram post, the commentator, she said,

summers as a kid were magical to me. It's sad.

So she has this thought that her kids are having a

bad summer, that they're not having a magical summer because they

go to camp and because the weekends are sort of busy with life.

And that just is a misconception of how children experience

things. Most kids are going to

reflect back on their summer as being pretty great. And the

reason is because it's not school. They

like having a break from school.

The even if they go to camp, it's totally different from school. There's

no desks. Right? If there's desks, it means there's artwork or there's something

fun or they're learning something or they're sitting down and exploring like lizards or

whatever. It's interesting. It's fun. There's late nights

and there's ice cream and there's, you know, maybe a little

vacation here and there. Summer is magical for

children. So whatever you've done or whatever you've

planned, I want you just to sink into the fact that

it's enough. Your kids are having a

great summer because it's summer.

That is enough. Are they fighting with their

siblings? Yes. Are they hot? Yes. Are they bored? Yes. Are they asking for screen

time relentlessly? Yes. Are they asking for sugar? Yes. Are they not going to

bed? Yes. That's because the sun goes down so late. Their

biorhythm is off. So your kids look like

maybe they're not having a great time, but they are

because it's just a different experience. And you

put all the summers together, and they reflect back on their childhood and they're

like, that was fun. I had a fun childhood. So

I want you to feel you can relax and not

compare your summer to other people. I know I have

spent time doing that this summer. I've talked about how I had a

foot surgery that was planned. I wanted to do it in the summer because I

thought, oh, the kids are home. They'll help me. And what ended up happening

is that I didn't really need that much help. That the recovery wasn't as difficult

as I thought it was. But I hadn't planned really any vacations or

anything because I was having this surgery. And

I now sort of regret that and I think, oh, my kids had a good

summer and, like, you know, I can get into my own head about it. But

when I stop and I look at my actual children, and

I look at their summer, I'm like, oh, yeah. They're having a good time. They're

with their friends. They've had some projects. They've taken some summer classes.

Like, they're in it. They're good. You know, they've had a good summer. They don't

need some unicorn magical experience that I

provide in order to create a good feeling for them.

That's not my job. My job is not to make my

children's childhood magical. Okay?

Now, or is it yours? Now, I'm doing a little pep

talk for myself because I have, I think, I don't know, like, a

month left with the boys home. And I because, you know, they're both in

college, so they're leaving me. Or they're leaving their

home. And they're going off into their big lives and their kid big college

worlds. And so I'm looking at the next few weeks, and I'm doing

this reset myself. I'm doing this little pet

talk for myself and I'm starting to think

about is there's anything I need to reset.

So I'm gonna give you some strategies on how to reset.

Now, the reset is really just for yourself.

If you are feeling like your kids are out

of bounds, they're they're super dysregulated, you have tons of summer

squabbles, You you know, it's it's just doesn't feel right to

you, then you might wanna do one of these resets that I'm gonna

offer to you. I'm gonna offer to you 3 different strategies,

3 different resets and give you some resources for each one.

Now, for me, I am looking at the next couple of weeks and

I want to do, like, a mindset

reset. So that's option number 1.

So I wanna look at the next couple of weeks and I wanna decide how

do I want to feel, how do I want to

think, And based on those feelings and those thoughts, what

actions do I want to take? So

that is how I teach mindset. I talk about chasing feelings.

And what I'm referring to here, I do teach it a few different times

on the podcast, but this one about summer is in episode

19. So if you wanna go back and re listen to how to you do

mindset, go back to episode 19. You can also get the summer toolkit,

which is on my website calmmamacoaching.com, where I teach you

how to do a mindset shift. So

I am been in a little bit of, like, a mindset shift of, like, this

summer was wasted. I didn't do it right. I didn't plan

well. You know, I'm feeling a little bit of disappointment. I'm feeling

a little discouraged. I'm feeling a little sad. So I'm

in this negative mindset right now and I

wanna shift out of it. I wanna shift into a more positive

mindset. So how I do that is I decide how

do I want to feel. I pick a few feelings

that I'm going to chase. So I've actually done this

right for the summer, and I've decided that for the rest of the summer, I'm

gonna chase connection. I feel really

close to my kids, but as a family, I don't feel like we've done

too much connecting. And so well, I don't even need to judge it. I just

want more. I don't need to judge whether I've had done enough or whatever.

I just chasing it. I just want more of it. And I'm thinking

about this one day a couple weeks ago when it was my

husband's birthday, and we went out for dinner, the 4 of us.

And that was really fun. We hadn't really done much together, the 4 of us.

And then afterwards, we're all hanging out on our phones and everyone was just sitting

around the living room. And I know that none of us really wanna just be

on our phones when we're together. And so I said, hey. Do you guys wanna

play blackjack or cards or something? And then everyone said yes. And we sat

around and we took turns being dealer, and we played a couple rounds of blackjack.

We even got the chips out and bet and stuff like that. And it was

super fun, very connecting, very warm. And I was like, oh,

this is the thing. I want this. I want more of this. Felt

so great. So I pick a feeling

connection, and then I'm I get some thoughts

that give me the ability to create more of that

emotion. So some of my thoughts that I wrote down is,

I can make family time happen. Like it's really easy

for me to think that I can't and I bring up a bunch of obstacles

of why it won't work. The kids don't want to. I don't have time. My

foot still hurts. We don't have money for that or, you know,

my husband's really busy or whatever it is. I'm really busy. Whatever. And so

I can kind of bake obstacles up in my head, but instead, thought

work requires that I go past those obstacles you know what? I can make

this happen. Then I need to have some positive thoughts.

Like, my kids love their family. My kids love hanging out with us.

My kids want to be part of a family. My kids miss

being part of a family. If that's true or not true, it

doesn't really matter. I know that deep down we all crave

connection. We all wanna be close to our families. And so I'm just

gonna assume that they want it. They may not want it the way that I

provide it, but I know that they do. So that's just a thought I'm choosing

to think. I'm also choosing to think connection

happens. Connection happens in simple ways.

It I don't have to make some beautiful big trip in order to,

for all of us to con connect. I can find simple

little moments of connection. I'm also

gonna remind myself time is not running out. I have plenty of time.

4 weeks is plenty of time. I wanna really be able

to get my head around not thinking that I am in scarcity.

I don't wanna be thinking I'm in scarcity of money, time or energy. I

wanna be instead be thinking I have plenty. I have plenty of time. I have

plenty of energy and I have plenty of money, which, of course, I have plenty

of money is true. I have plenty of money, and then

I need to figure out what I can afford to do if I wanna do

something. Like, we all go to do golf and stuff or whatever. Do I have

money for that? I have to look and decide. And if I don't, then I

can come up with a different way to get that hap to make that happen.

We can just pretend to do golf and stuff at home or whatever it is.

K? It's not

too late. That's another thought I'm choosing to think. It's not too

late. I have time.

Now, from my connection and my thoughts, I'm gonna create

some actions. I'm gonna decide what do I wanna do. And then

I'm gonna ask my kids if they'd be willing to do these things and if

they're interested. And if not, we'll brainstorm together, and I'm just gonna stay

committed to creating this. I also need to be open to the fact

it might not happen all 4 of us. It could happen just me and the

kids. It could happen, individually, It

you know, with me, with 1 kid, me with the other kid. It it can

look different. It doesn't have to be what I decide in my head. Like, oh,

we're all gonna do a big beach day or something. Like, I don't need to

be so specific. If that's an idea I have, I can pitch that.

And I need to be open and just keep deciding. Connection

can happen. Connection can happen. I can get what I want. So that's

sort of how mindset works. And if you need to reset your mindset, you

just pick up a feeling. I often pick fun, which apparently

some people challenge me. They say it's not a feeling, but I don't know.

I I like thinking of it as one. I just chase it. I chase fun,

and then I have thoughts that align with fun, and then I create actions that

are fun. Peace, joy, calm,

hope, connection, acceptance, kindness,

generosity, openness, positivity, You pick

a feeling, you come up with some thoughts,

that will help you feel that way. Those are like little mini mantras or

like little perspectives, you know, that you come up with.

And then make a list of some actions that might help lend

to getting you the thing you want for the rest of the summer. So that's

summer mindset. Now, a couple other options that you

can take when you are feeling burned out or

feeling discouraged or feeling overwhelmed by the summer.

Another option is a summer limit set reset.

K? So a big thing that happens during the summer

is that we go outside of our boundaries and we get loosey

goosey on bedtime, on sugar, on

screens. We can kinda get out of bounds. And why

we have, you know, healthy diets and good,

bedtimes and limited screen time and things like that is because it

helps our children's nervous system. It helps them stay regulated. It

helps them manage themselves and be better so they behave better.

It makes them feel good. Right? So that's part of why we have

all that structure. It's fun in the summer to let the

structure go, Feel a little bit more free. It's

nice for you because maybe you don't need to be on top of everything. You're

like, whatever. Cereal's great. Eat up. You know? I love

that. I want you to be able to be flexible. But if you feel like

everything's really out of bounds, then you

can, you know, take a take a beat

and reset back to your

traditional, your typical your personal family,

rhythms. So if you feel like you're out of balance,

then, you know, go back to a couple days a week

where you go back to your old routine. They go to bed at this time.

We eat dinner at this time. We, you

know, we only have an hour a day of screen time

or we don't have screen time Monday through Thursday. Whatever

those kind of normal rules you have during the school year, go ahead and

build that back in. Maybe just one day, you do a little

limit set reset or maybe for a few days or maybe you

just decide, you know, on a Wednesday, you're like, okay, tomorrow and Friday, we're

not doing anything. We're gonna keep it simple. We're gonna get back to the routine.

If you don't, if something comes up, no problem. You just know,

oh, I always have that in my back pocket. I can always get back to

our rhythms. I can always get back to our

limits. If you want an episode

to listen to on this topic of resetting your limits like

a summer reset for rhythm and routines, listen

to episode 76. It's,

I think called summer reset. Now I don't remember.

I don't have in front of me. But it's episode 76, and it will help

you kind of get your head on to, like, oh, how do I reset back

to what is typical for us? So you can choose a

day where you focus on your routine around meals or bedtime

or whatever it is. You can also

part of this is having like a breathe in day. So a lot

of the days of summer are like a lot of out and

about. You're like, you know, going to the pool

and then you're going to a play date and then you're going to, like, meet

up with these friends for at the library. Like, it can be kinda busy or

it's like they go you pick them up from camp and then you go over

to so and so's house. And, like, it can be just a lot because you

wanna pack it all in. Right? I get it. But if

you have a lot going on for your kids, that's a lot of stimulation

and that is hard for their nervous systems. So you can do a

breathe in day where you kinda like sometimes I think

of it like a rainy day. Like you just chill and recharge.

You do quiet activities, like maybe go to the library just as a

family or you do a movie night or you do a stuffed animal party or

you just make some, you know, something like cookies or

or lemonade or, you know, lemon fruit pops or something like that.

And you just kind of settle everyone down. You stay home and you let

everyone's rhythm and and nervous system kind of

get back to a baseline. So those, that's your

other option. Right? So you can either reset your mindset, you

can reset your limits, or you can reset

your body. So the third thing I wanna

offer to you is about managing your

own burnout. If your body like

that one, you know, Instagram ladies, you know, the the

Instagram post says, you know, body, I'm exhausted. It's hot. I just wanna lay

down and relax. This pace is unsustainable. I need a

break. If your body is crying out for a break,

you need to take one. So that can be either,

you know, figuring out somebody that you take your kids to an

overnight and you say, hey, can you take my kid overnight? I'll take

yours. I just I really do. I'm burned out. I need a night

or I need an afternoon, something like that.

If you're working, you take a Friday afternoon off if you can, or

Wednesday, or whatever, and you guys kind of get your kids somewhere where

they're safe, or you take a day off while they're at camp.

Don't use all of your, you know, time off just to be with your

kids. Take time off so that you can do what you need. Now I

know I've seen this with a lot of moms is that they will take a

take time off or take time out of their kids. And during that

time, they will do stuff like organize the

garage or do a big project with the linen closet or, you

know, redo all their Amazon returns and go to Costco.

Yes. Those things are helpful in the short term of

making you feel productive and better, but

you're still using your body. And there is

a true exhaustion that happens that we want to

rest. So I wanna let you have

permission to take the break

if your body is crying out for it. It's I I'm sorry

to talk about my foot so much. I don't mean to. But, you know, I'm

recovering from this foot injury. Well, it's not injury surgery.

And I always like if I'm up on my feet for too long,

like maybe 2 hours or 3 hours, my foot starts talking to me. That's what

I say. Or sometimes I'm like it's barking at me. It gets swollen.

It gets hot. It feels pressure. I need to elevate it. I have

spent so much time of this summer just laying down with my foot

up. And it's annoying because I wanna be doing other

things, but I also need to respect what my body's calling

for. And I know long term, if I take care of my body

in the short term, in the long term, this surgery will be more effective.

If you care about my surgery, I can tell you more about it. Just DM

me. It's not that big of a deal. But I I

want my long term health to pay off. So I need to do the

short term, you know, inconvenience. I need to be laying down.

So, you know, I've watched a lot of shows. I've read a lot of books.

I've just laid down. I haven't made dinner. We've ordered takeout. It's not been

great in that way of, like, fun, but

it's been necessary. And so I wanna let you know

that that's a possibility for you, that you get to take

breaks. Now it's not there's the the, like,

chunk of time off. Right? An overnight or, you know,

a couple of hours or whatever. And then there's this other concept that

I like to talk about called mini breaks. And I think of

mini breaks is where, and I do these all the time, where I

intentionally take a break from

my life. And that looks like pouring

myself a cup of tea in the summer. It might be iced

tea. In the winter, it's hot tea. And

I go sit in some place that I find beautiful, either

a place in my home that I find comfortable and

and inviting and cozy or a place in the yard.

And I just sit and I observe and I just

be, I drink my tea. A 5

minute tea break, 10 minute tea break is

so powerful. Like it really

does reset me. I know you're all busy. You get your car

your Starbucks, you get your iced coffee, you get your, you know, whatever you

do, and then you rush around with it. I know you're

busy moms. I get it. And I'm inviting you

to sit down and just take a beat to let your nervous

system settle, to connect with your body, to breathe

slowly, to let the racing mind settle

down. If you can be present, looking at the trees,

looking at like there's like so many butterflies and hummingbirds in my

yard that have noticed more and more over the last couple of years because I've

slowed down and paid attention. I'm sure they were always there,

but it makes me so happy to find them. But I have to be present.

I have to be paying attention. Now you might be thinking, I can't do that.

I've got 3 little kids. They're always bother me. Sure.

You can train your kids or not train, but you can teach your kids. Oh,

mommy's doing her mini break. I'm gonna sit here for 5 minutes. You're welcome

to sit near me as long as you're quiet. You're welcome to go

grab your own tea, your own drink. So you

can teach them that you're doing this and

inviting them into that practice with you. You can

put on your headphones and listen to music or an audio book or podcast

while you're making dinner. You can just exit.

Take one sensory input out like you're the noise of the

children and put your headphones on or just put your headphones on. Don't listen

to anything. Just kinda create a little bit of silence.

You know, other ways that I talk to the moms in my

club and in my programs is to take a walk alone

before dinner. If your partner comes home, if you have a partner and they come

home, you say, you know what? I need a minute. I'll be back. I'm gonna

just go around the block. Do a morning yoga class on

YouTube. Take a night off the bedtime routine so you can sit and read.

If you have support from your partner, ask for

help. You do not need to be supermom. It's

not necessary and it doesn't serve you or your kids.

Now, I teach a lot about this particular topic topic

on summer burnout in episode 21. So the episodes

I referred to are episode 19 about mindset,

episode 21 about summer burnout,

and episode 76 on limits in the summer,

a limit set reset. So,

again, I want you to feel

as, like, powerful. I want you to feel empowered. I want you to feel confident.

I want you to feel content. I want you to feel hopeful. I want you

to look at the past 6 weeks of summer or however long it's been. I

literally have not looked, but look back at it and think good

job. Good job, mama. We did it. We've been showing

up. We've been planning the things we've been creating as much love and joy

as we can. And our kids are happy. Look at

that. Good job. I would like you to put a little, you

know, pat yourself on the shoulder and tell yourself a

positive story about the last few weeks and

then reset looking forward and figuring out what do you need. Do you

need some more limits and rhythm? Do you need some more mindset

and action plans? Or do you need a break?

And then go get it for yourself. Go take care of yourself. I wanna see

you taking care of yourself. So please, if you do

anything like a summer reset, you know, you do have

plans something with your kids or you do something fun for

yourself. You take a little mama break. Send me a picture. Send

me a photo on Instagram at Darlyn Childress or tag me or

whatever. I wanna know if you are enjoying your summer and if

you're resetting yourself and if you're giving yourselves little pep talks.

Because that is the power of coaching is that

you get coached by me and then you start coaching yourself.

Having a positive mindset is going to help you

enjoy the rest of the summer. If you need help

for your summer, I have, I think, 3 spots,

1 on 1 spots open for a 6 week program. So

you get to work with me 1 on 1. One. I'd love to talk to

you. I'd love to help you right now, like, here at the end of

July, beginning of August, and kind of, like,

tweak the summer, get the most juice out of it, like, wring

that towel out, get all of it out that all the joy and peace and

love and all the yumminess, and then help you reset

for this, school year. This is such a good time to get

coaching. I know you feel busy and that's fine. But as the summer

starts to wind down, we wanna get our kids reset. We wanna do any last

minute summer bucket list stuff, get that done, and then look for

the for the school year. So this is a great time to get coaching. If

you're looking for support, now is a good time.

And I have some spots. I have a Thursday morning spot. I have

a, yeah, Thursday morning. I have some Monday afternoon

spots. So reach out. I'd love to, help

you. And as far as the

summer mamas, I want you to lean in, enjoy as

much as you can realize summer is super short.

It's temporary. It won't always be this hard.

Alright. I hope you have a great week, and I will talk to you next

time.