How much damage is your anger causing without you even realizing it?

And what if the minor frustrations, the eye rolls, the dismissive comments, the moments of irritation, are actually the real problem?

Michael, a 77 year old man who has spent decades mastering his career, had no idea his family was quietly suffering because of his temper.

He wasn't violent, but his wife and daughter were walking on eggshells fearing his reactions.

When he finally saw the truth, he knew he had to take action.

In this episode, we uncover how Michael rewired his approach to anger, improved his marriage, and took full responsibility for his emotions, proving that it's never too late to change.

If you think anger is just part of who you are, this episode will make you think again.

Hello and welcome to episode 23 of the Anger Management Podcast.

I'm your host, Alistair Dues.

Over the last 30 years, I've taught over 15,000 men and women to control their anger, master their emotions, and create calmer, happier and more loving relationships.

In this podcast, I combine my 30 years of anger management experience with with the power of artificial intelligence to share with you some of the most powerful tips and tools I know to help people control their anger, master their emotions, and live calmer, happier and more peaceful lives.

Today we'll hear from Michael, a successful businessman who spent years focusing on his career, but neglected to address his anger issues.

As a result, he unknowingly caused pain and suffering for his family.

However, the good news is that with some introspection and hard work, Michael was able to change his ways and improve both his personal relationships and overall well being.

So if you think it's too late to control your anger or that it's just part of who you are, this episode will make you think again.

Make sure you stick around to the end of the episode when I'll tell you how you can control your anger before it's too late.

So, without further ado, let's dive into my interview with Michael.

What brought you to my anger management course?

I clearly recognized that I had some anger issues that were affecting my family.

And I started by looking on the Internet and I actually found your podcast.

I said, this makes a lot of sense.

And I went to the Anger Secrets website and looked and I said, I really want to change the way I am.

What did you learn from the course?

I had always thought, get a little angry every once in a while, and I put that behind me, but all around me aren't.

I learned a long time ago not to get angry in a business situation or in a social situation.

I'VE not afforded my family that same courtesy, if you will.

I was shocked when you defined anger and abuse.

And when I talked to my wife, I said, does that really happening?

And she says, yeah, I worry about it.

Yeah.

My daughter's saying, yeah, I worry about setting you off, and that that affects our relationship.

And it just shocked me when I found that out.

And when I got into the course, we talked about awareness and then your AFT model.

That made a lot of sense.

And then beliefs and how beliefs work into that.

It's been a very logical thing, and it's driven me to think deeply about where my anger comes from and how it builds within me.

And I think at one point I thought, I just step into a minefield and it goes off.

But I should know where the minefield is and I should know what the minds are.

And it's clearly my responsibility.

People are making me angry.

I'm responding to people with anger.

And so it's given me promise to be better.

It's given me a pathway to be better.

And frankly, it's kind of fun.

The individual lessons are really good.

The video sets the right stage.

The worksheets make me do deep thinking.

I sometimes I'll watch the video and I'll read the worksheet.

I said, I gotta shut that off and think about that for a while.

And I shut the thing down and I come back, maybe watch the video again.

So what are the main changes you've made since you started the course?

I've got my anger diary, and I think I've only gone off twice.

And one of them I saw coming.

Where I really see it is I'm an agronomist, and I play golf on a golf course that's not well maintained.

And so I'll be out on the golf course, my anger starts to build, and then it affects my game.

And so a pretty real demonstration that anger doesn't work and how I can shut those things down is, let's focus on what I'm doing, not what I'm thinking.

And that's pretty good practice.

I'm so aware right now what's going on, that I don't have many anger events.

That's right.

So the anger in your marriage, just say a bit about what was happening and what's happening now.

It's really small things.

My wife would say, you didn't put your shoes away.

I had to put your shoes up.

Or you left the back door open.

I'm thinking, hold it.

No, just a second.

This morning I got up and I Made breakfast, and I did the dishes.

I put them away.

I do a lot of stuff around the house.

She doesn't recognize what I do here.

And she nitpicks on this little stuff, and that kind of builds in me, and I've been able to cut that off.

I've been able to say, hold it.

She's right.

I didn't put my shoes away.

The door is open.

I got to work harder on that.

So I've got a list of five or six things that I try not to do are that I try to do better.

It's making me a better husband.

I'm more open talking to her about things that are bothering me, and that's helpful.

Something happened yesterday that kind of surprised me.

I was on my iPhone, and there was a news article that was of interest to her.

And I turned up the volume and I said, you might want to look at this.

And so she takes home from me and walks out of the room.

And so she took my phone and she came back in, shut the phone down, and it was on another story.

The volume was still going.

Just, I don't want to listen to that stuff.

And I really nudged her aside and grabbed my phone.

And that was not a yelling, screaming, anger move, but that was a movement.

Okay, that's on my anger diary for this week.

How do you think you could have responded differently to that?

Oh, I should have said, hey, let's shut that off and give me the phone.

I could have just said, hey, give me the phone.

And no, it's a shortcut to get it done.

I'm the get it done type guy.

That's maybe why I've been successful.

Yeah, it's not a thing to do around the family.

Sounds like you're more aware of the effects of your actions on your wife.

I am.

When I had an anger outburst, oh, my God.

I'm immediately embarrassed.

I'm immediately apologizing, and I'm thinking, I'm really sorry I did that.

And I think that erases it or it doesn't.

And trying to react before the anger strikes is clearly something you've got to do.

One more question.

What would you say to someone else.

Thinking about doing this course?

I think it's a worthwhile adventure.

You're going to learn something about yourself.

You're going to learn how to communicate better.

You're going to learn how to live more respectfully with the people around you, and you're going to benefit.

Okay, thanks for tuning in to today's episode of the anger management podcast.

I hope you found this conversation with Michael useful.

Before we finish, let's summarise the main ideas that Michael shared.

Firstly, anger affects others more than we realize.

Michael always thought his anger wasn't a big deal until he had an honest conversation with his wife and daughter.

They admitted they sometimes felt on edge around him, worried about how he might react.

That was a wake up call.

Even if you're not yelling or throwing things, anger can still damage relationships.

Eye rolls, dismissive comments or a sharp tone can be as harmful as outright outbursts.

The lesson if the people around you feel tense or anxious, it's worth looking at how your anger, big or small, might be affecting them.

Second, awareness is the first step to change.

Once Michael recognised how how his anger impacted his family, he started paying closer attention to his reactions.

He realized that anger wasn't something that just happened, it was something he created.

He learned to spot the early warning signs, recognize his triggers, and take responsibility for his emotions.

If you want to control your anger, the first step is becoming aware of how and when it shows up in your life.

Next, small changes make a big difference.

Michael didn't need to become a different person overnight.

He simply started making small conscious shifts, like pausing before reacting, keeping an anger diary, and reminding himself that no one makes him angry.

These little changes had a big impact.

His marriage improved, his stress levels dropped, and he regained control of his emotions.

Don't focus on perfection if you're working on managing your anger, focus on progress.

Lastly, it's never too late to change.

At 77 years old, Michael could have told himself, this is just who I am.

Instead, he chose to do the work.

And in just a few weeks, in the complete anger management system, he saw major improvements.

His story is proof that no matter your age, background or past experiences, you can change.

You just have to decide that your relationships and your peace of mind are worth it.

So if you've been struggling with anger, take a page out of Michael's book.

Don't wait until it's too late to change.

Control your anger today and see the positive impact it can have on your life and relationships.

Okay.

I hope you found this episode helpful.

If you did, I'd appreciate it if you took a moment to follow this podcast on your favourite podcast app and leave a quick rating and review.

This helps other people find this show and start their journey to a calmer, happier, healthier life.

Remember too, for free support to control your anger, including access to a free training or a free 30 minute anger assessment, call with me, visit my website, angersecrets.com or if you would like to begin your anger management journey right now, visit angersecrets.comcourse to enrol in my powerful online course, the Complete Anger Management System, I'd be honoured to help you on your anger management journey.

Finally, remember, you can't control other people, but you can control yourself.

I'll see you in the next episode.

Take care.

The Anger Management Podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of counseling, psychotherapy or any other professional health service.

No therapeutic relationship is implied or created by this podcast.

If you have mental health concerns of any type, please seek out the help of a local mental health professional.