[00:00:00] Christina Steed: What was so shocking is these limiting beliefs and how they just manifest you talk about. You know, the law of attraction and different things like that subconscious has such a powerful impact on our lives. And for me, again, this process, because I'm now on a planned sabbatical, I've been able to pay attention to my life.

[00:00:24] I've been able to pay attention to those thoughts and pay attention to when I'm in a good place, and doing the affirmations and manifesting the stuff comes quick. And before I wasn't paying attention to it. It was just like, oh, okay, it just happened to show up. It's serendipity. But no, it's the seeds that you plant that come back to you, and your subconscious doesn't know where there's negative or positive.

[00:00:50] So that is the most shocking to me to be able to pay attention to these threads and how these things happen. And so I thank God for the blessing to be able to do that in addition to, you know, realizing my dream in terms of you know doing other things. So yeah, that was the most surprising thing.

[00:01:12] And again, it's paying attention to your life if you do nothing else or take anything else away from what I saying like now is the time like stop. I don't care where you're at in your career, what deadlines you have, just start paying more attention to your life and what your sense of happiness and growth is going to look like.

[00:01:31] Christy Rutherford: Welcome to Why She's Winning with your host, Christy Rutherford, a master of office politics and self-care advocacy. Christy's clients have received over 10 million in salary raises in a pandemic, surprised that women are still getting paid during these challenging times. It's possible for you too. You can have it all, if you believe you deserve it.

[00:01:54] Christy and her guests will assist you with that. Let's get started.

[00:01:59] Welcome everyone to Why She's Winning. I am your host, Christy Rutherford, and today I have the amazing, phenomenal, talented, brilliant, gorgeous, why you got on a sweater, girl. You in Chicago? Is it Chicago?

[00:02:14] Christina Steed: You know it is. It's still winter time.

[00:02:17] Christy Rutherford: What's this Month? Okay, we're gonna keep all moving. Christina Steed up in Chicago with the sweater and I got on the team top. Look at how we can exist in the same world and have different experiences. All right, Christina is an executive level communications leader. Her area of expertise is in public relations, marketing, corporate communications, diversity, equity and inclusion, global communications crisis and issues management. She is an award winning marketing communications expert who previously served as the executive vice president of client relations for a boutique agency in Chicago. Her brand experience includes Cox Communications, Blue Cross Blue Shield.

[00:03:04] Association Nielsen Dow Chemical, Nike Chicago, city of Chicago, and several more in various industries. Christina has been recognized as one of PR week's, 40 under 40 Rising Stars, aerial investments, and W V O N 16 90 40 game changers in Chicago. She's also received numerous awards for her marketing communications.

[00:03:34] She and her husband live in Chicago and Atlanta. She has a BS in journalism from the University of Illinois at Urbana Champaign and her MA is Strategic Communication from the University of Missouri, Columbia School of Journalism. Welcome Christina.

[00:03:53] Christina Steed: Thank you, Christy. I'm glad to be here.

[00:03:55] Christy Rutherford: Okay, all right. We got the ladies line up the comments. While I was looking now.

[00:04:00] So, Hey everybody. Robin, Marla, Jennifer, Leandra, Hockey, Deion , King. Hey, Deion, Maria. Okay, so Christina?

[00:04:15] Christina Steed: Yes, Christy.

[00:04:16] Christy Rutherford: Christina. What was going on with you when you were like, you know what, I need to do something different?

[00:04:22] Christina Steed: Let's see. It was the perfect storm of, it was the end of the year, and so we're going into a new year.

[00:04:29] So it's all that New Year's resolution energy. How am I gonna change my life energy? I was put on the path of an unplanned sabbatical from a role that I had been in for a number of years, and I was just like, this is the time to do something different. And of course, you and I have known each other for a couple years.

[00:04:52] We had this really great lunch meeting together where you kind of just gave me a synopsis of who you are and what you do, and you sent me some of the things that you were, you know, had been doing, but that was years ago and I was like, oh, okay, this is good. This is real good information. Real inspirational.

[00:05:07] Yeah. But I wasn't like deep into it. I didn't like sit with it. I just kind of like processed it and moved on. So you had been doing a series of posts around the work that you've been doing with women from a salary standpoint, from a, you know, just a life change standpoint. And I had, just kind of this, again, this perfect storm of I wanna do something different, but I can't do this by myself.

[00:05:32] Like I can read all the books by myself. I can look at all the YouTube videos by myself. I can go to a one day conference and think that I'm gonna change for the rest of my life. But I felt I needed a connection with someone who appeared to be helping a bunch of other people. And quite frankly, I was just like, I don't know what I'm gonna do next.

[00:05:52] So, and I was kind of in a uncertainty that can be uncomfortable. It was uncomfortable for me. So I reached out to you, told you what the situation was. You hit me with your analogy of. How I was not kind of owning my power and not shining and not realizing who I was. And I was like, okay, you right. You right.

[00:06:13] And this is Chicago, so it's gonna be some, you know, noise in the background and commited to working with you. And here we are.

[00:06:25] Christy Rutherford: Okay. I got two things I wanna unpack in that. So, you know, I put up a poster the other day on Facebook. I ain't do it for LinkedIn yet cuz I just, I like to test some of my risque stuff on Facebook first. But I said stop looking for a hundred thousand dollars breakthrough to $10 book.

[00:06:44] Right. And some people laughed, and then one lady folded, and then all her followers ended up doing a whole dissertation. Or I got time for that. Like either it hit you in the head or it didn't. Does that make sense? I don't have time to go back and forth for 30 people to justify the comment that I said, Right. And I say all that to say is. Women, strong women, powerful women, control freak women who wanna do it all by ourselves. We get stuck because we can only go so far by ourselves.

[00:07:15] And at a certain point we have to say, okay, you know what? I'm going to get outta my way. Acknowledging that you need help, quote unquote, is not a sign of weakness. It's a sign of awareness.

[00:07:29] That I can't do this by myself. So what was, let's unpack that a little bit because that's where a lot of women are. Like I told you, a lot of women, they're like, oh, I'm, Christina's gonna read your book. And I'm like, yeah. I'm right. Good. Great. But it, but that is only going to take you so far.

[00:07:43] So why do you, why were you. I would say, you know, in the past two years, why were you resistant or why did you just try to do it all on your own? And I don't know if you can answer that question, but I don't wanna ask you anything.

[00:07:54] Christina Steed: No, it's a good question. And what you put up is exactly correct. It wasn't that the investment was a problem for me from a financial standpoint.

[00:08:05] It was the commitment. It was we talked and you asked me, you ready? I'm like, okay, what does that really mean? It means my time. It means I'm gonna to prioritize this work. I'm gonna show up for this process and this program, and it for the results. Like, you can't, what do they say? You can't do the same thing and think you're gonna get different results.

[00:08:31] Like, I needed different results and so I needed to put myself on a track to get to those different results. So, yes. Books are helpful. Books are great, but the expertise and the investment of executive coaching, it was something that like I see other people do and maybe I didn't even think I was deserving of it.

[00:08:52] Right. Maybe I didn't think I was deserving of it. But, what I know is what you put in yourself, whether it is what you eat, exercise, like it, this is all a part of that. This is all a part of your maintenance, your self preservation. And I'm now a mid-career, like as much as I wanna admit that I'm at the midpoint of my working years and I needed to just step back and say.

[00:09:17] What do I wanna do for the next half? And what is the attitude and perspective and mindset that I wanna have moving forward? And so for me it was, a mind shift to say, I'm gonna prioritize this work. And knowing that, the foundation that you lay within the work that you do with the women you work with is for the rest of my life.

[00:09:38] It's not just for the length of the program, the hour that we spend together on the phone. It is for the rest of my life. And so that investment for me is I'm shifting my perspective on everything. And it's a work, for me, it's a work to undo negative thinking, limiting beliefs, pessimism. I would always feel like if I'm not expecting a lot, it's a sort, it's a sense of protection.

[00:10:05] It's an emotional protection because if I don't set my, goals too high, then I don't make it. It's like, okay, then I don't have to feel bad that I didn't reach what I wanted to reach. And that's like the worst way of thinking when you think about the goals that you wanna have in your life. So this has been a lot of energy to turn around 40 some odd years of perspective and mindset.

[00:10:30] So, yeah, that's what I would share with that.

[00:10:34] Christy Rutherford: Okay alright. So let's talk about commitment, right? Cause you know, I'm like this, you ready? And why won't we commit to ourselves, Christina? Right. We commit to our jobs all day. We commit to a commute. You gotta commit to a commute , you know, we'll commit to making other people happy. We'll commit to our families. You know, why is it so hard for women to commit to ourselves?

[00:11:12] And they wonder why we miserable and struck, right? Like, we won't give the same fervor. And intensity and desire for change more than we'll want to change our boss. Right. Like it takes a lot of power to be like, Hey, I wish everybody in my office would change. It was one point, when I was on my way outta here, when I was melting down, that I would ride by my offices.

[00:11:38] I hope that the building would implode, . I would drive by the office, Christina, and keep on going. I just keep going down the road about 15 minutes down the road, realize this, you know, you gotta turn around and go to work. Right? Right. So that takes time. But I wasn't willing to look in the mirror until it was too late.

[00:11:54] So I like it when, you know, women change through inspiration and not complete and total mental and physical destruction, desperation. Right.

[00:12:05] Congratulations on that. So what was, shocking to you? About yourself when you started to dig into, you know, some of the work, and look in the mirror, what was shocking to you?

[00:12:19] Christina Steed: What was shocking to me? And just to go back to your point around why women don't commit for themselves. I'm still trying to figure that out because my goal is to write a book. I've always wanted to write a book. And one of your coaches said, well, you know, Christina, some people write a book on the weekend and you're literally trained, like you went to a top journalism school.

[00:12:43] You are in public relations. You write for other people all the time, but you don't show up for yourself and to me. Procrastination is tied to perfectionism and this need to be perfect. And this need to want everything to be right, to not make any mistakes. And that's something that I'm still unpacking and I think that's my fear related to commitment as a woman.

[00:13:09] But I'll show up for other people and go above and beyond. I'll be the best mentor. I'll be the best leader. I'll be the best. I'm an advocate. I'm gonna advocate all day for you to get what you need, but still have you know my issues. So just wanted to answer that. But, I think for me what was so shocking is these limiting beliefs and how they just manifest.

[00:13:35] You talk about, you know, the law of attraction and different things like that, that the subconscious has such a powerful impact on our laws, and for me, again, this process, because I'm now on a planned sabbatical, I've been able to pay attention to my life. I've been able to pay attention to those thoughts and pay attention to.

[00:13:56] When I'm in a good place and doing the affirmations and manifesting the stuff comes quick, and before I wasn't paying attention to it. It was just like, oh, okay, I just happened to show up. It's serendipity. But no, it's the seeds that you plant that come back to you and they don't, your subconscious doesn't know where there's negative or positive, so that is the most shocking to me to be able to pay attention to these threads and how these things happen.

[00:14:25] And so I, thank God for the blessing to be able to do that in addition to, You know, realizing my dream in terms of, you know, doing other things. So yeah, it's, that was the most surprising thing. And again, it paying attention to your life. If you do nothing else or take anything else away from what I say, like, now is the time.

[00:14:46] Like, stop. I don't care where you're at in your career, what deadlines you have, just start paying more attention to your life and what your sense of happiness and growth is going to look like.

[00:15:01] Christy Rutherford: Christina bringing the heat today. You know, I wanted to title this something like Perfectionism, suffocates Your Dreams.

[00:15:15] You think You Perfect, but you not. And I know if you was gonna admit to it. You know, I'd like to call y'all out like that. I'll let you say it and then I kicked the door. Like great. This we're in here.

[00:15:27] Christina Steed: Yeah. Let's go.

[00:15:28] Christy Rutherford: Great. Since we're here. Let's talk about perfectionism. You know, because perfectionism. We're thought to, you know, not everybody, right, but certain women are taught to walk the straight line, to do everything right, to wear your hair properly, to, I was talking to somebody the other day. Who, you know, her parents were, you know, some of the most educated people in a small town. So of course she had to show up and she's like, she shows up with a pleasing personality at work.

[00:16:01] And I was like, and she can't get ahead. Cause people don't trust that. People don't trust that. You always have the pleasing personality. Does that make sense? At a senior level, they would prefer for you to be a jerk or crazy. They gonna lock the door anyway. But they really don't like somebody who. Walks around like Mary Poppins at the senior leadership because it's not authentic. Right.

[00:16:24] Does that make sense? And so how does some of the things that, you know, you grew up with in perfectionism, how did that show up today? Because you said you started to connect the dots. And here's the thing. You can't change what you can't acknowledge. So a lot of women are trapped, stuck in bondage, have no idea because they can't see it. And I come over and drag y'all in the head and be like, you know, you can be better. Right?

[00:16:51] And for you, I wanna piggyback and make that the second part of you not acknowledging how bad ass you are. I'm like, so you don't know, huh? And you were like, no. I said, you have no idea, like how great you are.

[00:17:05] Why can't you see that? But let's talk about the whole perfectionism first. Yes.

[00:17:09] Look Leandra, to my here we go.

[00:17:11] Christina Steed: So yes, here we go. Indeed. So I think the root I had to dig in, in this work that we've done, the root of it was in my childhood. I grew up in a very huxtable like, situation, two parent household, sisters, my father was an FBI agent and a very well accomplished person.

[00:17:35] Went to Morehouse, we went, had his mba. Like we came. We grew up in that type of framing. So for me, I don't know if I adopted it early on, just as a child, to be the best student, to be the best daughter. To be the best example of my race, right? So we have that as well to kind of consider, and even in just school being the model student, I adopted that to be model for everyone else.

[00:18:04] And so I'm always going to show up in this way. That is a, the best representation of my community, of my family. And that, you know, that was what it was. Now the pressure came and I kind of had what I call a quarter life crisis. When I graduated from graduate school, nine 11 happened, September 11th happened, and in my industry there were no jobs.

[00:18:27] So I'm coming outta graduate school and I got this whole master's and I can't get a job. I can't find a full-time job in my industry. They were laying off people, not, you know, taking roles away. And I had to go back home and live with my parents and that was where the perfectionism like really got that wall came down.

[00:18:46] I was like, wait, I did everything right. I checked all the boxes. I got straight A's. You know, wasn't in trouble, didn't, you know, have a, hold up a bank while I was in school. Like all the things that I was told, if you did this, you will yield this. That didn't happen for me, and so I, that was a point in life where I kind of had to.

[00:19:07] Have my little quarter life crisis and then dust myself off. Get to these job fairs, look for a job At 20 some years old, I went to two job fairs, had the same suit on the people was at one fair. They was at another fair. They said, oh, we see you again. I said, yeah, y'all got a job this time. Like I started getting bold in my like indignation.

[00:19:28] You lead a certain type of life, that doesn't mean you're going to get these results. And so that was something that I unpacked during this work. And then again, when I was transitioned into a sabbatical, I felt that I had done everything right. I felt that I had mentored people and you know, brought in business and all these things, but this transition wasn't about me, but it was an opportunity that I was gonna take.

[00:19:55] To learn more about who I was and this thing around my writing, that's kind of like the last wall that I need to pull down, like Mr. Goro, take down that wall. Like that's the thing that I need to take down is being a perfectionist around my writing and knowing that I've had my 10,000 hours that Malcolm Gladwell talks about.

[00:20:17] I've done it for so many other people, but when it comes to my own work, I'm an artist and I'm sensitive about my stuff. So I need to get through that and get over it and move through it that. And I think that's kind of, you know, where I'm at right now in my work.

[00:20:34] Christy Rutherford: Well, we got you for another month, so don't worry about it.

[00:20:36] We going, either you gonna run through that wall or I'm gonna drag you through that wall, whichever one you wanna be, you seen what it looks like, so.

[00:20:45] Christina Steed: Yes, I have .

[00:20:47] Christy Rutherford: So, let's talk about. You know, you said in the beginning, and I'm gonna come all the way back to it. You said, you know, everybody has something that I said to them that was concall offensive.

[00:21:02] When we got on the phone in our first conversation, everybody got something I just told you that you must awesome. Like, you know, I'm going, it's, you can't change what you are woman to see. I dunno if I said something offensive, you gotta remind me. Cause I, talk to a lot of people. But what you said was, and even you said, you know, it's me.

[00:21:20] You gave this kind of analogy of me not owning my power. Right? Like, that was offensive to you. I mean, I don't know if that was the worst thing that I said to you, but.

[00:21:29] Christina Steed: It's the way you described it. Christy .

[00:21:31] Christy Rutherford: Okay, go ahead. Tell us about it.

[00:21:33] Christina Steed: You told me and it was Christmas time. You told me, I'm one of those Christmas decorations that people have on their lawn that deflates during the day, but at night when it gets some air goes up and it's woo woo woo, and then you go back and you're deflated.

[00:21:51] You're that. And I was like, first of all, I'm hurt because I'm just had this big transition in life. And then you telling me I'm a deflated Christmas ornament.

[00:22:04] Christy Rutherford: Yes. Praise the Lord. Yes, I did. I remember it clearly now. Oh yeah. I saying you like the faded slow man laying on the ground. What? Like you laying on the ground? Yep.

[00:22:16] And then. But this is the thing that's so funny. Yes, I did say that. You had everything. You're in full construct. You're not missing anything. That's what I was getting to, in the effusive way. You just don't have no air. You're just not inflating. You lay flat on the ground. Right? Yeah.

[00:22:34] All we gotta do is figure out what lever do we need to push?

[00:22:39] What blockages do we need to remove. From the line to be able to inflate you so you can wave at people.

[00:22:46] Christina Steed: Yeah. Let's, go

[00:22:47] Christy Rutherford: Great. Since We're here. Let's talk about perfectionism. You know, because

[00:22:51] perfectionism We're thought to you know, not everybody, right, but certain women are taught to walk the straight line, to do everything right, to wear your hair properly, to, I was talking to somebody the other. day Who, you know, her parents were you know, some of the most educated people in a small town. So of course she had to show up and she's like, she shows up with a pleasing personality at work.

[00:23:19] And I was like, and she can't get ahead. Cause people don't trust that. People don't trust that. You always have the pleasing personality. Does that make sense? At a senior level, they would prefer for you to be a jerk or crazy. They gonna lock the door anyway. But they really don't like somebody who. Walks around like Mary Poppins at the senior leadership because it's not authentic. Right.

[00:23:41] Does that make sense? And so how, does some of the things that, you know, you grew up with in perfectionism, how did that show up today? Because you said you started to connect the dots. and here's the thing. You can't change what you can't acknowledge.

[00:23:56] So a lot of women are trapped stuck in bondage, have no idea Because they can't see it. And I come over and drag y'all in the head and be like, you know, you can be better. Right? And for you, I, wanna piggyback and make that the second part of you not acknowledging how bad ass you are. I'm like, so you don't know, huh? And you were like, no. I said, you have no idea, like how great you are.

[00:24:22] Why can't you see that? But let's talk about the whole perfectionism first. Yes. Look Leandra to my, here we go.

[00:24:28] Christina Steed: So yes, here we go. Indeed. So I think the root I had to dig in, in this work that we've done, the root of it was in my childhood. I grew up in a very huxtable like, Situation, two parent household sisters. My father was an FBI agent and a very well accomplished person.

[00:24:52] Went to Morehouse, we went, had his mba. Like we came. We grew up in that type of framing. So for me, I don't know if I adopted it early on, just as a child, to be the best student, to be the best daughter. To be the best example of my race, right? So we have that as well to kind of consider, and even in just school being the model student, I adopted that to be model for everyone else.

[00:25:21] And so I'm always going to show up in this way That is a, the best representation of my community, of my family. And that, you know, that was what it was. Now the pressure came and I kind of had what I call a quarter life crisis. When I graduated from graduate school, nine 11 happened, September 11th happened, and in my industry there were no jobs.

[00:25:43] So I'm coming outta graduate school and I got this whole master's and I can't get a job. I can't find a full-time job in my industry. They were laying off people, not, you know, taking roles away. And I had to go back home and live with my parents and that was where the perfectionism like really got that wall came down.

[00:26:03] I was like, wait, I did everything right. I checked all the boxes. I got straight A's. You know, wasn't in trouble, didn't, you know, have a, hold up a bank while I was in school. Like all the things that I was told, if you did this, you will yield this. That didn't happen for me, and so I, that was a point in life where I kind of had to.

[00:26:24] Have my little quarter life crisis and then dust myself off. Get to these job fairs, look for a job At 20 some years old, I went to two job fairs, had the same suit on the people was at one fair. They was at another fair. They said, oh, we see you again. I said, yeah, y'all got a job this time. Like I started getting bold in my like indignation.

[00:26:45] You lead a certain type of life, that doesn't mean you're going to get these results. And so that was something that I unpacked during this work. And then again, when I was transitioned into a sabbatical, I felt that I had done everything right. I felt that I had mentored people and you know, brought in business and all these things, but this transition wasn't about me, but it was an opportunity that I was gonna take.

[00:27:12] To learn more about who I was and this thing around my writing, that's kind of like the last wall that I need to pull down, like Mr. Goro, take down that wall. Like that's the thing that I need to take down is being a perfectionist around my writing and knowing that I've had my 10,000 hours that Malcolm Gladwell talks about.

[00:27:33] I've done it for so many other people, but when it comes to my own work, I'm an artist and I'm sensitive about my. stuff So I need to get through that and get over it and move through. it that And I think that's kind of, you know, where I'm at right now in my work.

[00:27:50] Christy Rutherford: Well, we got you for another month, so don't worry about it.

[00:27:53] We going either you gonna run through that wall or I'm gonna drag you through that wall, whichever one you wanna, be you seen what it looks like, so.

[00:28:01] Christina Steed: Yes, I have .

[00:28:03] Christy Rutherford: So Let's talk about. You know, you said in the beginning, and I'm gonna come all the way back to it. You said, you know, has something that I said to them that was concall offensive.

[00:28:16] When we got on the phone in our first conversation, everybody got something I just told you that you. must awesome Like, you know, I'm going, it's, you can't change what you are woman to see. I dunno if I said something offensive, you gotta remind me. cause I talk to a lot of. people But what you said was, and even you said you know, it's me.

[00:28:34] you gave this kind of analogy of me not owning my power. Right? Like, that was offensive to you. I mean, I don't know if that was the worst thing that I said to you, but

[00:28:43] Christina Steed: It's the way you described it. Christy

[00:28:45] Christy Rutherford: Okay, go ahead. Tell us about it.

[00:28:47] Christina Steed: You told me and it was Christmas time. You told me, I'm one of those Christmas decorations that people have on their lawn that deflates during the day, but at night when it gets some air goes up and it's woo woo woo, and then you go back and you're deflated.

[00:29:05] You're that and I was like, first of all, I'm, hurt because I'm just had this big transition in life. And then you telling me I'm a deflated Christmas ornament.

[00:29:18] Christy Rutherford: Yes. Praise the Lord. Yes, I did. I remember it clearly now. Oh yeah. I saying you like the faded slow man laying on the ground. What? Like you laying on the ground? Yep.

[00:29:30] And then. But this is the thing that's so funny. Yes, I did say that. You had everything. You're in full construct You're not missing anything. That's what I was getting to in, the effusive way. You just don't have no air. You're just not inflating. You lay flat on the ground. Right? Yeah.

[00:29:48] All we gotta do is figure out what lever do we need to push?

[00:29:53] What blockages do we need to remove from the line to be able to inflate you so you can wave at people.

[00:30:00] Christina Steed: Right? Right. So, Christy we went from you a deflated Christmas ornament to then you said, Christina, if I could grant you three wishes, what would they be? And the, emotional part of that was, my wishes were not big enough.

[00:30:16] And I, was like, wow. That's it. Like, you're right. they're not. They're rooted in safety and protection and negative limited beliefs. Yes I, just had to say that cuz That was so sad.

[00:30:38] Great. You needed that shaking. Yeah. women are hollering by the way. The clients, you can see 'em, they are hollering,

[00:30:45] What I said right in December to now, what are your thoughts around it? Like was it true?

[00:30:56] It was true. because even though I have, maybe some external visibility, just given the work and the industry that I work in, it was perfunctory external visibility. It wasn't. My, necessarily my brand or really where I wanted to be for myself, a lot of it was external for on behalf of, and I work in public relations, so I'm, typically a behind the scenes, you know, puppet master of messaging and things like that, so I'm used to that.

[00:31:27] But there's also, again, as a mid-career, What is it that I wanna be moving forward? How do I wanna show up moving forward? How do I, to your point, you put in your newsletter, the iconic Christina, Steed like, I chuckled at that and I said, oh, to my husband. Christy called me iconic. He was like, why can't you own that?

[00:31:48] Why can't you own that? I'm like, What? , so. yeah.

[00:31:57] Christy Rutherford: So let's, unpack it, right? Cause you are, I said that, I meant. Here's the thing, right? And I, wrote it down. I'm gonna write about it one day, I like dragging y'all through the mud right now. perfectionism is trauma. Right? Yeah.

[00:32:14] Like perfectionism is trauma. So we, you know, we work with a lot of women. Some women have childhood trauma where, you know, parents were abusive to the mom or you know, to the dad or you know, parents had a lot of challenges. But you grew up in the huxtables Right. And my mom and them used to say, when I wanted a Jerry Curl, a big wheel and an easy bake where I was denied all three that win Huxtables.

[00:32:40] Right? So looking at you, I would say, you have the childhood that I wanted. But here's the thing. This will also suffocate you in your challenges because you had the childhood that everybody wanted. So who can you really tell? Like you don't have no real problems. This is what people will look at you.

[00:33:00] You're gorgeous, you're talented, you're married, like, you know, you have a house in Atlanta and Chicago, so. Can Christina, Steed really have some stuff that she could unpack and we all have some stuff that we need to unpack. So what was it like in the group, right? Like a lot of women asked me to do one on one and I'm like, no, I don't do one on one.

[00:33:23] Like, the group is just so dynamic. It is unmatched. So what was surprising to you about the group dynamic? the women that you met.

[00:33:33] Christina Steed: So the group dynamic is so important. It's, you see how similar your stories are, your narratives are, your experiences are the speed or the reluctance on people's journey.

[00:33:49] Like, you know, people are open about it. Like some people were saying, you know, I'm struggling with this. I need to reread this stuff or re-listen to this stuff because, My mind is able to process it, but my soul and my heart, I'm, it's something is in conflict and you see it play out. And then when you hear someone's kind of one-on-one between the, conversation between the coach and the client, You are it's a different than talk therapy.

[00:34:20] And I was, so I'm partnered with someone in the group Hey Diane, if you listen to, Hey girl Hey. and when we all were in this call together, the things that she was saying, I was like, Diane's like a mirror reflection of me. Like she's saying the things that I'm feeling and even in as you like, you know, do your thing where you hit people over their.

[00:34:41] Stuff like I can, her breakthrough is also my breakthrough. I'm seeing. , it's just happening with somebody else on a different level. And also whether it's in my life now that I'm going through that is something that I'm tucking away for when, you know, I get to a point where I might go through that similar experience.

[00:35:00] And for me, you know, just to be clear. You know, my life is not a crystal stare. I have had health challenges that have definitely set me back that because of my perfectionism, I don't feel comfortable being vulnerable and talking about them publicly. So I'll just say that. Right. But it's also. There's power and vulnerability.

[00:35:20] We talked a lot about familial relationships within the group. Some people have great relationships with their mothers, others not so much and all are welcome. It's all, you know, an experience. No one's judging. It's just we're all women going through these things. With our managers, with our families, with our children, with our you know friends, and we're all in this kind of thing, this space together and learning and knowing that no matter what age or what stage of life you're at, you can always learn. You can always do something different. Change is available to you, happiness is available to you. All these things are choices.

[00:35:58] And again, when you talk about making an investment in executive coaching about this change in your life, you have to make space and time. for it You do because you're, again, it's, you're showing up for yourself. And that's where I've gotten the most benefit out of this, is that I've been able to be hyper focused on this change and paying attention to my life, listening for things, looking for those opportunities I attract.

[00:36:26] I don't chase. So it is, you know, because of this work, I'm able to be keyed in on my intuition and keyed in on those things like you don't put me on the Earl Nightingale. I'm listening to that on the repeat. So that it can just be embedded in my mind in terms of how far I can go. And yes, you did a post on LinkedIn where you were also talking about how gorgeous you were and I was like, who does that?

[00:36:51] But I love that, like I love that she says that cause it's facts, it's hashtag facts on group dyna. You are telling the truth. And I just, you know, I have never spoken like that my whole life and it's something that I'm, again, coming into around who I'am You said you read my bio, you like your accolades ain't high enough, so now I gotta change that.

[00:37:16] Christy Rutherford: Yeah. You mean when on LinkedIn post, when I said you were gorgeous or me? Cause I talk about how fine I am.

[00:37:22] Christina Steed: You, when you said it again, it's because you said it. I'm like, that's true. But I would never say that. You know? And it's, I don't know. I know where it comes from. Again, childhood. Don't be perceived as conceded.

[00:37:36] Don't wanna be perceived, by others. As such, not owning the facts. Those are facts So, yeah.

[00:37:45] Christy Rutherford: We know. It's interesting. I was thinking people will allow us to suffocate a perfectionism too. Yeah. Because we can't, like, people look at, other. I would just say people in general is not necessarily women, right?

[00:38:00] Like we have the whole colorism thing. Don't even get me started in that, you know, in our community. But we always think that nobody's going through stuff. Something. People look at white women and be like, they ain't going through nothing. You be like, Oh no. They, they suffocating Like, we're going crazy too. Indian women are catching it too. Like it doesn't matter where you're from. Everybody is going through something. Either you going through something, you going into something or you coming outta something. So it's a cycle, right? And so we walk around as Superwomen. And you talked about on behalf of like you're the puppet master in the background and you're going through something.

[00:38:40] And so I was looking at yesterday Rena Post where Chelsea Krist right, the former miss USA who committed suicide, she was going through something. We need to be able to strong women. Super women. Women who have it all, women who've checked all the boxes, women who walk around like we're perfect. We have to be able to tell somebody that we are suffocating. Right? We have to be able to tell somebody and to the kids, have them hear us. And that's the problem is I remember when I was telling, you know, some of my friends I'm in trouble. They was like, oh, nothing that's. That's nothing. Listen to what happened to me. And I'm like, did you? But you just hear me though.

[00:39:26] So, because I'm Christy Rutherford, the brand, I'm Lieutenant Commander Rutherford, I'm the, you know, the workaholic. I'm the one who's crushing it. I'm the mentor to everybody. So when Christy the suffering soul was telling people that she's suffering, people did not hear me. They just heard my. brand So I, offer that to women because it is not fair for us to go out and do all these things and have all these degrees and check all these boxes and then be in trouble and can't tell nobody.

[00:39:56] That ain't cool.

[00:39:57] Christina Steed: Right. No, you're, absolutely right. And a lot of us function in that role in our families. Yeah.

[00:40:04] Where we're the ones where everyone depends on, and, you know, you're the social director, you are the, you know, person who comes in and organizes things, but then when you have an issue, you're looking around.

[00:40:18] Okay. And, literally all I need is an ear all I need is someone to recognize that I'm going through something and you know, when you're the strong one and you need to be vulnerable, that a lot of people can't take that.

[00:40:31] Christy Rutherford: Yep. So let's talk about, you know, you said, I attract, don't chase. Like I tell women, y'all need to stop fighting and start flowing.

[00:40:38] You don't have to fight. For what you are aligned to receive, there is so much more waiting for you. And you know, I like to prove myself, right? Everybody knows that Christy likes to be right. Yeah.

[00:40:53] And, you know, but here's the thing, Christina, nobody is telling us that, the next level is easy. Nobody is telling us that we don't work, have to work 10 times as hard to get it.

[00:41:03] Nobody is telling us that we have all the intellectual property that we need. If we just turn around and put a price tag on what we have, we don't have to go out and get another degree to be able to increase our value. We're valuable as is. So what did you mean by a track don't chase and what piece of advice do you have for women who are on the line who think that they need to do more to get to the next level as opposed to just be more?

[00:41:29] Christina Steed: So for me it was I had to let go a little bit of the control of what I. thought Something should be, and let group dyna in universe, in Buddha, in like wherever you are at, in terms of connecting beyond yourself, beyond you know, what you feel you can do, because. You have the skills within you. Everything that you need is within you.

[00:41:59] And you know, as an accomplished, you know, top flying person, if you don't know it, you about to know it. You're gonna figure it out, you're gonna learn about it. So that's not the issue. So I think The, stumbling block for people is you do feel like you gotta grind, just, you know, it's getting to that next level is gonna be so hard.

[00:42:21] And when I talk about the whole, I don't chase, I attract these opportunities that I have now. The seas were planted years ago through. the, work and being, you know, committed to my craft, being an ever evolving student, making networks and connections to people and just being a good, you know, employee, friend, industry, partner, whatever, to the point where now, Stuff is just rolling in and I have not had to go running to get this consulting work or this opportunity.

[00:42:56] It's coming to me because of what I've built over the years. And so I, you know, I, people, easy is a word that is like a trigger for people. Like I, it's just not as, I think it's not as grindy as you think it's gonna be because you've already done it. You've, paid the way it's been paid like it's done.

[00:43:18] So let it be done.

[00:43:23] Christy Rutherford: Okay. alright That's so good. here's the thing, right? You didn't plan it. group dyna had, create them So, what's the difference in, you know, your quality of life today? Cuz what we're in April? This In April? then, where you were in December. cause you fresh outta the program, right? You still got a couple more weeks, but what's been the difference in your overall quality of life between December and April?

[00:43:52] Christina Steed: So I have more peace. I have more confidence. I, affirmations in my life that really guide a lot of my thinking for the day. So I start my day like that. I'm really invested in caring for myself more and not just rushing out to do something for somebody else. And again, I think it's a blessing to have this toolbox, the toolkit now to pay attention to my life, to pay attention to the things that I wanna do that bring me joy make me a better human walking around on this earth.

[00:44:34] So I'm in a place where the world truly is my oyster. Like there are opportunities beyond what I could have ever imagined going. into This next phase, I thought I was going to be doing another full-time job and, you know, just getting, rolling back into kind of the, systemic way that I was living my life and now things have happened and shifted where that's not necessarily the path for me right now.

[00:45:04] And it's a very exciting, creative giving birth to new things time for me. And part of it is scary , and the other part of it is so refreshing, so breakthrough, so like it's, the world is, just beyond what I could have ever imagined. And so my frame of mind is better. My approach to, you know, thinking through different opportunities is better.

[00:45:33] I don't feel so pressured. I felt extremely pressured and, the pressure was my own. But let's be clear. Like it, wasn't nobody else. Like my husband was like, do whatever, you know, you good. friends were like, girl, this is great. Like, we are so happy for you. Like, you know, I, my skin cleared up.

[00:45:51] Like I'm able to be consistent with my massages and, you know, things that I like to do. So it was pressure for myself around what I. thought Success was chasing titles, moving up a, you know, a ladder within an organization, having this certain type of compensation package, which, you know, still wanna be in that space.

[00:46:14] And can be, it's just looks different.

[00:46:21] Christy Rutherford: So, you know, here's the thing. You got what you wanted. And, that's the thing, it didn't come packaged in the way that you thought it was gonna come packaged, right?

[00:46:33] Like I wanted this life that I live today. But I was trying to get my check cuz I was three and a half years from my pension girl, I was not leaving my secure money.

[00:46:48] And so we come to a crossroads and group dyna is like, do you want it or not? And I'm like No I want my money first so he had to drag. here in my job Right

[00:47:01] Oh, Kicking and screaming I mean, like straight claws in the woods. Put us in my nails. I was not trying to leave my check. Let's be clear. Yeah. And, and here's the thing, and we talked about this, you know, on our. call I got what I wanted. I have the peace that I want. I have the joy that I want.

[00:47:21] I have the career that I want and, so how can I be mad at the how, the circumstances, how it happened now, the circumstances were true. And how I see my boss in the alley six months later, that would've been a misunderstanding. But a year later, it took a year for me to learn forgiveness because I really got what I wanted.

[00:47:47] So I have to forgive the story of how I got it.

[00:47:51] Christina Steed: Can we talk about forgiveness, Christy

[00:47:53] Christy Rutherford: Yes, please.

[00:47:55] Christina Steed: So I know that's a big part of your teachings and I am still on that road to forgiving my past. because there's even an instance where I had a serious health issue, had an emergency surgery two weeks later, which I should have been off for like a couple months.

[00:48:18] Two weeks later, I'm back at work like, I was really needed. Like I was really that important. You know what I'm saying? And it's like, who, told me to do that? Was that me or the job? It was me. Cause I, that's where I. felt Validated. I wasn't gonna let my body heal in the time that it needed to heal. Two weeks later should have been off.

[00:48:40] So the forgiveness for me, I'm still working through and I just want to, you know, share that with the audience. Like I know, I think a lot of people are, it is the hardest thing. And again, for me, forgiveness, my perception of forgiveness was people on TV for giving the police, man for shooting a kid.

[00:49:02] Like No. I'm, yeah, but really it's, you are giving something for something, right? And it is a whole process of healing that can take you to a different place. My mind knows that I'm just trying to get my heart and soul and body to catch up with that. So that is the work that I'm going to continue to do.

[00:49:25] And I know you preach hard about.

[00:49:29] Christy Rutherford: Yeah, but you're still, you know, here's the thing, right? Cause you're still, you, started in January, right? I think like the first, or second Monday. It was the second Monday in January. So I, want you to own how much work you've done and the greatest shift that you've had to be able to now pick and choose opportunities that come to you if they're commiserate.

[00:49:56] With your value. So, you know, part of this conversation, we typically start a little later. but I wanted to show women what was possible in a very short period of time if they just chose to say yes to themselves. Right? And they don't have to work with me, but I mean, look at where you could be if you chose to work with me anyway.

[00:50:17] You know, so, I don't want you to go into the, I'm not as far as I should be. You're right where you should be. Right. Like you are still basking in the glow of opportunities showing up like you almost like a GrubHub opportunity bringing a doorbell and you be like, this, you got lettuce and tomato on that now I don't want that. Right, right.

[00:50:37] When it comes to the door and it rings the door, you be like, I don't know. I feel like a bene sauce today. Just say this is not where it's, so you're still moving through the process and change, and you said it. earlier This is forever change. It is not overnight. So we're gonna get to the forgiveness peace.

[00:50:57] And when, the time is right. But why go do, you know, jump into a pool of fire when you've just learned what it's like to be in joy? Like full joy, like non-control You know, I was gonna also tie to this thing, release your control and live your life. I was like, I don't know if I should call it control freak in public, but since you said it, you're still.

[00:51:18] Christina Steed: I own it.

[00:51:19] Christy Rutherford: You're still learning that, so I, you know, publicly want you. to It's all right. You're, gonna get there because here's the thing, once you get to a point where you've eaten all the Skittles and peanut m and m's that you can get your hands on, right? That's what Joy is like for me. , y'all know my recipe for, joy.

[00:51:39] Once you've had all the joy, you've experienced it, then its group dyna is going to put something right in front of you that you'll see it and you'll know it's available to you. You just got to access it by letting something. go So the law of sacrifice is letting go of something of a lower nature to receive something of a higher nature.

[00:52:00] So he is gonna put it right in your face and you gonna be like, oh group dyna, what do I need to do to get it? And you're gonna remember this conversation. You'll be like, oh group dyna, I gotta forgive somebody. Then it gives you a reason to let that go and what you want is gonna hit you straight in the forehead.

[00:52:15] Alright. Before we close out, what advice do you have for women who are. You know, on the fence considering working with us and they don't really know, you know, what they should be doing with their life?

[00:52:28] Christina Steed: So, you know, I would say to think about where do you wanna be? How do you wanna live your life every day?

[00:52:38] And how are you caring for yourself and know that this type of work should be a part of yourself care It should be, and I, you know, I am where I am, but I wish I would've done this earlier to be able to chart and be more. confident about my career choices moving forward. So I think the time is now in your life to just kind of take stock and inventory of where you're at and figure out where you wanna be and you know.

[00:53:13] You need outside help, you would not, you know, at least I don't do my own taxes. I'd hire a professional for that. If I'm going to, you know, Sue somebody, I'm not gonna be my own representative. Mark Twain said, the man who represents himself is a fool, has a fool for a client. So you really do need to tap into external resources to have growth, to have continuous growth, and those resources, the foundation that you get working with an executive coach.

[00:53:41] We'll serve you. And then here's the thing, when I started telling people that I was working with an executive coach, the people whom where I would say accomplished said, oh yeah, I've done that, yes, that's part, like, absolutely, that's just part of my investment in myself. So it's also understanding your deserving of that investment in yourself to make yourself into the person that you want to be.

[00:54:08] So I would advise people to definitely look into hiring. Definitely you, because you, your results are like, I'm not gonna say they're, quick, but they're, there like you are you, when you post this stuff, like it's, the results speak for themselves. I'll say that.

[00:54:26] Christy Rutherford: Damn, we not playing over here.

[00:54:27] Ain't nobody playing right. It's just like I said, either you gonna get through this wall, either you gonna walk through it, I'm gonna drag you through it. I dunno, whichever one you prefer. Y'all already know your sister's on the line. They be like Christy gonna drag over the wall. Y'all can get my free case study at change now with christy.com.

[00:54:42] You know, Christy and I was supposed to do this, commercial, like the 15 minute mark. I'm we doing right? But, the conversation is so good. Why we breaking up all that for the conversation? But you can also get this full interview.

[00:54:53] Because this is gonna be up for about three days, and then I'm gonna take it down and you can get the full interview at Total Fulfillment with christy.com.

[00:55:01] My private community, it's only four $97 for the year. It has all of my interviews in it courses, trainings, how to negotiate, how to get your money. You know, it is not about the money. Christina, you talked about it earlier, like what we really do, it's. really about the peace and the freedom to choose that you talked about.

[00:55:20] It's really about that lifelong work of becoming and now living the dream that you dreamed of and having the positive energy that you didn't necessarily know was. Available to you. Now that you have it, you won't go back, which is what we just talked about. And now when opportunities cuz you ain't chasing.

[00:55:40] Now when they show up, the first question you ask is not how much does it pay, but how am I going to feel in this opportunity?

[00:55:49] And if you don't feel the way that you wanna feel and be free and you know you ain't gonna hustle and you know you ain't gonna take a job when you have to do an hour from commute, I don't care how much they pay you, you be like, does this job line up with the dream life that I've created?

[00:56:03] It's not a dream job unless it's an alignment with my dream life.

[00:56:07] Christina Steed: Period.

[00:56:08] Christy Rutherford: So, thank you so much for sharing.

[00:56:11] Christina Steed: Thank you.

[00:56:11] Christy Rutherford: Your information. Thank you so much for being you. And everybody. Everybody have a great weekend.

[00:56:16] Christina Steed: Goodbye.

[00:56:18] Christy Rutherford: Thank you for joining us. Be sure to subscribe to this podcast and leave us a review. If you love this episode, follow Christy on Instagram and LinkedIn, and don't forget to get her free gift by texting changenow. All one word again, changenow to 6, 6, 8, 6, 6. Until next time, go out and win bigger.

[00:56:42] Christina Steed: Right? Right.

[00:56:44] So Christy, we went from you a deflated Christmas ornament to then you said, Christina, if I could grant you three wishes, what would

[00:56:53] they be? And the emotional part of that was, my wishes were not big enough.

[00:56:58] And I was like, wow. That's it. Like, you're right. They're not. They're rooted in safety and protection and negative limited beliefs.

[00:57:14] Yes. I, just had to say that cuz that was so sad.

[00:57:21] Great. You needed that shaking. Yeah.

[00:57:23] The women are hollering by the way. The clients, you can see 'em, they are hollering.

[00:57:27] But compared to what I said right in December to now, what are your thoughts around it? Like was it true?

[00:57:42] It was true because even though I have, maybe some external visibility, just given the work and the industry that I work in, it was perfunctory external visibility. It wasn't. My, necessarily my brand or really where I wanted to be for myself, a lot of it was external for on behalf of, and I work in public relations, so I'm typically a behind the scenes, you know, puppet master of messaging and things like that, so I'm used to that.

[00:58:14] But there's also, again, as a mid-career, What is it that I wanna be moving forward? How do I wanna show up moving forward? How do I, to your point, you put in your, newsletter, the iconic Christina Steed, like, I chuckled at that and I said, oh, to my husband. Christy called me iconic. He was like, why can't you own that?

[00:58:34] Why can't you own that? I'm like, what? So yeah.

[00:58:44] Christy Rutherford: So, let's unpack it, right? Cause you are, I said that, I meant that. Here's the thing, right? And I, wrote it down. I'm gonna write about it one day. But I like dragging y'all through the mud right now. Perfectionism is trauma, right? Yeah.

[00:59:04] Like perfectionism is trauma. So we, you know, we work with a lot of women. Some women have childhood trauma where, you know, parents were abusive to the mom or you know, to the dad or you know, parents had a lot of challenges. But you grew up in the huxtables. Right. And my mom and them used to say, when I wanted a Jerry Curl, a big wheel and an easy bake where I was denied all three that win Huxtables.

[00:59:30] Right? So looking at you, I would say, you have the childhood that I wanted. But here's the thing. This will also suffocate you in your challenges because you had the childhood that everybody wanted. So who can you really tell? Like you don't have no real problems. This is what people will look at you.

[00:59:50] You're gorgeous, you're talented, you're married, like, you know, you have a house in Atlanta and Chicago, so. Can Christina Steed, really have some stuff that she could unpack and we all have some stuff that we need to unpack. So what was, it like in the group, right? Like a lot of women asked me to do one on one and I'm like, no, I don't do one on one.

[01:00:12] Like, the group is just so dynamic. It is unmatched. So what was surprising to you about the group dynamic? And the women that you met.

[01:00:23] Christina Steed: So the group dynamic is so important. It's, you see how similar your stories are, your narratives are, your experiences are the speed or the reluctance on people's journey.

[01:00:40] Like, you know, people are open about it. Like some people were saying, you know, I'm struggling with this. I need to re-read this stuff or re-listen to this stuff because, My mind is able to process it, but my soul and my heart, I'm, it's something is in conflict and you see it play out. And then when you hear someone's kind of one-on-one between the conversation between the coach and the client, You are.

[01:01:08] It's a different than talk therapy. And I was, so I'm partnered with someone in the group. Hey Diane, if you listen to, Hey girl. Girl Hey. And when we all were in this call together, the things that she was saying, I was like, Diane's like a mirror reflection of me. Like she's saying the things that I'm feeling and even in as you like, you know, do your thing where you hit people over their.

[01:01:32] Stuff like I can, her breakthrough is also my breakthrough. I'm seeing. , it's just happening with somebody else on a different level. And also whether it's in my life now that I'm going through that is something that I'm tucking away for when, you know, I get to a point where I might go through that similar experience.

[01:01:52] And for me, you know, just to be clear. You know, my life is not a crystal stare. I have had health challenges that have definitely set me back that because of my perfectionism, I don't feel comfortable being vulnerable and talking about them publicly. So I'll just say that. Right. But it's also. There's power and vulnerability.

[01:02:12] We talked a lot about familial relationships within the group. Some people have great relationships with their mothers, others not so much and all are welcome. It's all, you know, an experience. No one's judging. It's just we're all women going through these things. With our managers, with our families, with our children, with our.

[01:02:34] You know, friends, and we're all in this kind of thing, this space together and learning and knowing that no matter what age or what stage of life you're at, you can always learn. You can always do something different. Change is available to you, happiness is available to you. All these things are choices.

[01:02:51] And again, when you talk about making an investment in executive coaching about this change in your life, you have to make space and time for it. You do because you're, again, it's, you're showing up for yourself. And that's where I've gotten the most benefit out of this, is that I've been able to be hyper focused on this change and paying attention to my life, listening for things, looking for those opportunities I attract.

[01:03:19] I don't chase. So it is, you know, because of this work, I'm able to be keyed in on my intuition and keyed in on those things like you don't put me on the Earl Nightingale. I'm listening to that on the repeat. So that it can just be embedded in my mind in terms of how far I can go. And yes, you did a post on LinkedIn where you were also talking about how gorgeous you were and I was like, who does that?

[01:03:44] But I love that, like I love that she says that cause it's facts, it's hashtag facts on group dyna. You are telling the truth. And I just, you know, I have never spoken like that my whole life and it's something that I'm, again, coming into around who I'am. You said you read my bio, you like your accolades ain't high enough.

[01:04:05] So now I gotta change that.

[01:04:09] Christy Rutherford: Yeah. You mean when on LinkedIn post, when I said you were gorgeous or me? Cause I talk about how fine I am.

[01:04:15] Christina Steed: You, when you said it again, it's because you said it. I'm like, that's true. But I would never say that. You know? And it's, I don't know. I know where it comes from. Again, childhood. Don't be perceived as conceded.

[01:04:28] Don't wanna be perceived by others. As such, not owning the facts. Those are facts. So, yeah.

[01:04:38] Christy Rutherford: We know. It's interesting. I was thinking people will allow us to suffocate a perfectionism too. Yeah. Because we can't, like, people look at other. I would just say people in general is not necessarily women, right?

[01:04:52] Like we have the whole colorism thing. Don't even get me started in that, you know, in our community. But we always think that nobody's going through stuff. Something. People look at white women and be like, they ain't going through nothing. You be like, oh no. They, they suffocating.

[01:05:06] Like, we're going crazy too. Indian women are catching it too. Like it doesn't matter where you're from. Everybody is going through something. Either you going through something, you going into something or you coming outta something. So it's a cycle, right? . . And so we walk around as Superwomen. And you talked about on behalf of like you're the puppet master in the background and you're going through something.

[01:05:33] And so I was looking at yesterday Rena Post where, the, Chelsea Krist right, the former miss USA who committed suicide, she was going through something. We need to be able to strong women. Super women. Women who have it all, women who've checked all the boxes, women who walk around like we're perfect. We have to be able to tell somebody that we are suffocating. Right? We have to be able to tell somebody and to the kids, have them hear us. And that's the problem is I remember when I was telling, you know, some of my friends I'm in trouble. They was like, oh, nothing that's. That's nothing. Listen to what happened to me. And I'm like, did you? But you just hear me though.

[01:06:20] So, because I'm Christy Rutherford, the brand, I'm Lieutenant Commander Rutherford, I'm the, you know, the workaholic. I'm the one who's crushing it. I'm the mentor to everybody. So when Christy, the suffering soul was telling people that she's suffering, people did not hear me. They just heard my brand. So I, offer that to women because it is not fair for us to go out and do all these things and have all these degrees and check all these boxes and then be in trouble and can't tell nobody.

[01:06:50] That ain't cool.

[01:06:51] Christina Steed: Right. No, you're absolutely right. And a lot of us function in that role in our families. Yeah.

[01:06:58] Where we're the ones where everyone depends on, and, you know, you're the social director, you are the, you know, person who comes in and organizes things, but then when you have an issue, you're looking around.

[01:07:12] Okay. And, literally all I need is an ear. All I need is someone to recognize that I'm going through something and you know, when you're the strong one and you need to be vulnerable, that a lot of people can't take that.

[01:07:25] Christy Rutherford: Yep. So let's talk about, you know, you said, I attract, don't chase. Like I tell women, y'all need to stop fighting and start flowing.

[01:07:32] You don't have to fight. For what you are aligned to receive, there is so much more waiting for you. And you know, I like to prove myself, right? Everybody knows that Christy likes to be right. Yeah.

[01:07:47] And you know, but here's the thing, Christina, nobody is telling us, that the next level is easy. Nobody is telling us that we don't work, have to work 10 times as hard to get it.

[01:07:57] Nobody is telling us that we have all the intellectual property that we need. If we just turn around and put a price tag on what we have, we don't have to go out and get another degree to be able to increase our value. We're valuable as is. So what did you mean by a track don't chase and what piece of advice do you have for women who are on the line who think that they need to do more, to get to the next level as opposed to just be more?

[01:08:24] Christina Steed: So for me it was I had to let go a little bit of the control of what I thought. Something should be, and let group dyna in universe, in Buddha, in like wherever you are at, in terms of connecting beyond yourself, beyond you know, what you feel you can do, because. You have the skills within you. Everything that you need is within you.

[01:08:53] And you know, as an accomplished, you know, top flying person, if you don't know it, you about to know it. You're gonna figure it out, you're gonna learn about it. So that's not the issue. So I think. The stumbling block for people is you do feel like you gotta grind, just, you know, it's getting to that next level is gonna be so hard.

[01:09:16] And when I talk about the whole, I don't chase, I attract these opportunities that I have now. The seas were planted years ago through. The work and being, you know, committed to my craft, being an ever evolving student, making networks and connections to people and just being a good, you know, employee, friend, industry, partner, whatever, to the point where now. Stuff is just rolling in and I have not had to go running to get this consulting work or this opportunity.

[01:09:51] It's coming to me because of what I've built over the years. And so I, you know, I, people, easy is a word that is like a trigger for people. Like I, it's just not as, I think it's not as grindy as you think it's gonna be because you've already done it. You've paid the way it's been paid like it's done.

[01:10:12] So let it be done.

[01:10:18] Christy Rutherford: Okay alright. That's so good. Cause here's the thing, right? You didn't plan it. group dyna had create them, So what's the difference in, you know, your quality of life today? Cuz what we're in April? This In April? Then where you were in December. Cause you, fresh outta the program, right? You still got a couple more weeks, but what's been the difference in your overall quality of life between December and April?

[01:10:49] Christina Steed: So I have more peace. I have more confidence. I have affirmations in my life that really guide a lot of my thinking for the day. So I start my day like that. I'm really invested in caring for myself more and not just rushing out to do something for somebody else. And again, I think it's a blessing to have this toolbox, the toolkit now to pay attention to my life, to pay attention to the things that I wanna do that bring me joy, that make me a better human walking around on this earth.

[01:11:32] So I'm in a place where the world truly is my oyster. Like there are opportunities beyond what I could have ever imagined going into. This next phase, I thought I was going to be, doing another full-time job and, you know, just getting, rolling back into kind of the systemic way that I was living my life and now things have happened and shifted where that's not necessarily the path for me right now.

[01:12:03] And it's a very exciting, creative, giving birth to new things time for me. And part of it is scary , and the other part of it is so refreshing, so breakthrough, so like it's, the world is just beyond what I could have ever imagined. And so my frame of mind is better. My approach to, you know, thinking through different opportunities is better I don't feel so pressured. I felt extremely pressured and the pressure was my own. But let's be clear. Like, it wasn't nobody else. Like my husband was like, do whatever, you know, you good. My friends were like, girl, this is great. Like, we are so happy for you. Like, you know, I, my skin cleared up.

[01:12:51] Like I'm able to be consistent with my massages and, you know, things that I like to do. So it was pressure for myself around what I thought. Success was chasing titles, moving up a, you know, a ladder within an organization, having this certain type of compensation package, which, you know, still wanna be in that space.

[01:13:14] And can be, it's just looks different.

[01:13:20] Christy Rutherford: So, you know, here's the thing. You got what you wanted. And, that's the thing, it didn't come packaged in the way that you thought it was gonna come packaged. Right.

[01:13:33] Like I wanted this life that I live today. But I was trying to get my check cuz I was three and a half years from my pension girl, I was not leaving my secure money.

[01:13:47] And so we come to a crossroads and group dyna is like, do you want it or not? And I'm like. No, I want my money first. So he had to drag here in my job. Right.

[01:14:01] Oh, kicking and screaming. I mean, like straight claws in the woods. Put us in my nails. I was not trying to leave my check. Let's be clear. Yeah. And, and here's the thing, and we talked about this, you know, on our call. I got what I wanted. I have the peace that I want. I have the joy that I want.

[01:14:21] I have the career that I want, and so how can I be mad at the how, the circumstances, how it happened now, the circumstances were true. And how I see my boss in the alley six months later, that would've been a misunderstanding. But a year later, it took a year for me to learn forgiveness because I really got what I wanted.

[01:14:46] So I have to forgive the story of how I got it.

[01:14:51] Christina Steed: So, can we talk about forgiveness, Christy?

[01:14:54] Christy Rutherford: Yes, please.

[01:14:55] Christina Steed: So I know that's a big part of your teachings and I am still on that road to forgiving my past. because there's even an instance where I had a serious health issue, had an emergency surgery two weeks later, which I should have been off for like a couple months.

[01:15:19] Two weeks later, I'm back at work, like I was really needed. Like I was really that important. You know what I'm saying? And it's like, who told me to do that? Was that me or the job? It was me. Cause I, that's where I felt. Validated. I wasn't gonna let my body heal in the time that it needed to heal. Two weeks later should have been off.

[01:15:41] So the forgiveness for me, I'm still working through and I just want to, you know, share that with the audience. Like I know, I think a lot of people are, it is the hardest thing. And again, for me, forgiveness, my perception of forgiveness was people on TV for giving the police man for shooting a kid.

[01:16:03] Like. No. I'm, yeah, but really it's, you are giving something for something, right? And it is a whole process of healing that can take you to a different place. My mind knows that I'm just trying to get my heart and soul and body to catch up with that. So that is the work that I'm going to continue to do.

[01:16:25] And I know you preach hard about.

[01:16:29] Christy Rutherford: Yeah, but you're still, you know, here's the thing, right? Cause you're still, you started in January, right? I think like the first or second Monday. It was the second Monday in January. So I, want you to own how much work you've done and the greatest shift that you've had to be able to now pick and choose opportunities that come to you if they're commiserate.

[01:16:56] With your value. So, you know, part of this conversation, we typically start a little later. But I wanted to show women what was possible in a very short period of time if they just chose to, Say Say yes to themselves. Right? And they don't have to work with me, but I mean, look at where you could be if you chose to work with me anyway.

[01:17:21] You You know, so I don't want you to go into the, I'm not as far as I should be. You're right where you should be. Right. Like you are still basking in the glow of opportunities showing up. Like, you almost like a GrubHub opportunity bringing a doorbell and you be like, this, you got, lettuce and tomato on that now I don't want that. Right? Right.

[01:17:43] When it comes to the door and it rings the door, you be like, I don't know. I feel like a bene sauce today. Just say this is not where it's, so you're still moving through the process and change, and you said it earlier. This is forever change. It is not overnight. So we're gonna get to the forgiveness peace.

[01:18:02] And when the time is right. But why go do, you know, jump into a pool of fire when you've just learned what it's like to be in joy? Like full joy, like non-control. You know, I was gonna also tie to this thing, release your control and live your life. I was like, I don't know if I should call it control freak in public, but since you said it, you're still.

[01:18:24] Christina Steed: I own it.

[01:18:25] Christy Rutherford: You're still learning that, so I, you know, publicly want you to. It's all right. You're gonna get there because here's the thing, once you get to a point where you've eaten all the Skittles and peanut m and m's that you can get your hands on, right? That's what Joy is like for me. , y'all know my recipe for joy.

[01:18:45] Once you've had all the joy, you've experienced it, then its group dyna is going to put something right in front of you that you'll see it and you'll know it's available to you. You just got to access it by letting something go. So the law of sacrifice is letting go of something of a lower nature to receive something of a higher nature.

[01:19:05] So he is gonna put it right in your face and you gonna be like, oh group dyna, what do I need to do to get it? And you're gonna remember this conversation. You'll be like, oh group dyna, I gotta forgive somebody. Then it gives you a reason to let that go and what you want is gonna hit you straight in the forehead.

[01:19:20] Alright. Before we close out, what advice do you have for women who are. You know, on the fence considering working with us and they don't really know, you know, what they should be doing with their life?

[01:19:34] Christina Steed: So, you know, I would say to think about where do you wanna be? How do you wanna live your life every day?

[01:19:44] And how are you caring for yourself and know that this type of work should be a part of yourself care. It should be, and I, you know, I am where I am, but I wish I would've done this earlier to be able to chart and be more confident about my career choices moving forward. So I think the time is now in your life to just kind of take stock and inventory of where you're at and figure out where you wanna be and you know.

[01:20:19] You need outside help, you would not, you know, at least I don't do my own taxes. I'd hire a professional for that. If I'm going to, you know, Sue somebody, I'm not gonna be my own representative. Mark Twain said, the man who represents himself is a fool, has a fool for a client. So you really do need to tap into external resources to have growth, to have continuous growth, and those resources, the foundation that you get working with an executive coach.

[01:20:47] We'll serve you. And then here's the thing, when I started telling people that I was working with an executive coach, the people whom where I would say accomplished said, oh yeah, I've done that. , yes, that's part, like, absolutely, that's just part of my investment in myself. So it's also understanding your deserving of that investment in yourself, to make yourself into the person that you want to be.

[01:21:14] So I would advise people to definitely look into hiring. Definitely you, because you, your results are like, I'm not gonna say, they're quick, but they're there like you are you, when you post this stuff, like it's, the results speak for themselves. I'll say that.

[01:21:32] Christy Rutherford: Damn, we not playing over here.

[01:21:33] Ain't nobody playing right. It's just like I said, either you gonna get through this wall, either you gonna walk through it, I'm gonna drag you through it. I dunno, whichever one you prefer. Y'all already know your sister's on the line. They be like Christy gonna drag over the wall. So, y'all can get my free case study at change now with christy.com.

[01:21:49] You know, Christy and I was supposed to do this commercial, like the 15 minute mark. I'm we doing right? But, the conversation is so good. Why we breaking up all that for the conversation? But you can also get this full interview. Because this is gonna be up for about three days, and then I'm gonna take it down and you can get the full interview at Total Fulfillment with christy.com.

[01:22:09] My private community, it's only four $97 for the year. It has all of my interviews in it i t courses, trainings, how to negotiate, how to get your money. You know, it is not about the money. Christina, you know, talked about it earlier, like what we really do. It's really about the peace and the freedom to choose that you talked about.

[01:22:31] It's really about that lifelong work of becoming and now living the dream that you dreamed of and having the positive energy that you didn't necessarily know was. Available to you. Now that you have it, you won't go back, which is what we just talked about. And now when opportunities, show up, cuz you ain't chasing.

[01:22:51] Now when they show up, the first question you ask is not how much does it pay, but how am I going to feel in this opportunity? And if you don't feel the way that you wanna feel and be free and you know you ain't gonna hustle and you know you ain't gonna take a job when you have to do an hour from commute, I don't care how much they pay you, you be like, does this job line up with the dream life that I've created?

[01:23:13] It's not a dream job unless it's an alignment with my dream life.

[01:23:18] Christina Steed: Period.

[01:23:18] Christy Rutherford: So, thank you so much for sharing.

[01:23:22] Christina Steed: Thank you.

[01:23:22] Christy Rutherford: Your information. Thank you so much for being you. And, y'all have everybody. Everybody have a great weekend.

[01:23:28] Christina Steed: Goodbye

[01:23:29] Christy Rutherford: Thank you for joining us. Be sure to subscribe to this podcast and leave us a review. If you love this episode, follow Christy on Instagram and LinkedIn, and don't forget to get her free gift by texting changenow. All one word again, changenow to 6 6 8 6 6. Until next time, go out and win bigger.