Hello,

and welcome to the Borealis experience. I'm your host

Aurora, and I'm very happy to be spending some time with you

today. It is spring it is warm weather. I couldn't be happier.

yet. Today I chose a topic that is really hard to Yeah, reflect

about for some people. abandonment, abandonment issues,

nun abandonment, siesta have difficulties expressing it. It's

a tricky thing, because most people who should listen to this

episode will probably not listen to the episode because people

who have abandonment issues don't really identify with it or

are not aware of their behavior. It is people who come across as

very secure on the surface, yet, when you scratch a little bit on

the external, you will very quickly see that that person is

incredibly insecure with who they are. And they make their

life and other people's life incredibly tough and miserable

at times. Not all the time. But especially when it comes to

Yeah, relationships, intimate relationships, romantic

relationships. But also, relationships with your

siblings, your parents, when you suffer from abandonment issues.

You see yourself often as a victim, you don't walk around

like a victim. But you're very controlling, maybe even

aggressive, sometimes aggressive to a point where you surprise

yourself. Sometimes you say something, you react in a way

where you're like, Whoa, what was that? But you just think oh,

yeah, I was I was a little bit impatient. I'm, I'm aggressive.

Yeah. But you will not dig deep enough to find out that it is

your wounded little internal child that is screaming for

attention that is screaming, to not be left behind and rejected

again. It is a wound that we learned to work around, and to

mask and to kind of Ward ourselves off from because it is

so painful to go back. It is so painful to go back to that

experience. When you were maybe in kindergarten, and that one

child that you absolutely lewdly wanted to be friends with.

didn't want to be friends with you. Or it was your parents

dropping you off at kindergarten, first day. And you

couldn't make sense of why you would have to adjust and live in

a new environment. Now. You see trauma from an outsider's

perspective, from your perspective now as an adult,

compared to when you were a child can look like so

ridiculous. Like you could see yourself crying. Because your

mom left you at the kindergarten and as an adult, you would just

think, Oh my god, I was such a sissy. But back then you were

really in pain. There is no such thing as drama. People always

feel exactly what they feel in the moment. And if you think it

is drama of him, like totally invalidated, then you're doing

wrong, is that person not being healed from that pain. And if

you don't heal from that pain, you will come up with pretty

awesome reactions and tools on how to avoid that pain. So what

does a person with abandonment issues look like? They usually

say people are so unreliable. People suck. I hate people. You

can never plan with people that love to plan. They're

unpredictable. People with abandonment issues, love to

control and time as a huge thing. That's what yeah, I

experienced it. expose my partners to back then is

you can blame a lot of people and shame them when it comes to

punctuality, or when it comes to Oh, you didn't get back to me

right away, you waited so long you read my message, and then

you never got back to me. So what's wrong with that? People

with abandonment issues, of course, are also very insecure

when it comes to other people. They don't show it from the

inside. But internally, if you were able to have a look at

their thoughts, they go crazy mentally, when they know their

partner has opposite sex friends, or maybe still contact

to their exes. Or maybe, yeah, they behave very differently

when it comes to timing. Maybe, yeah, they didn't learn to be on

time, they don't value being on time. And now here you stand

waiting for them. 15 minutes, 17 minutes, 20 minutes, and going

absolutely bonkers. And you blame it on them, sorry, them

not being on time, and them not being able to stick to that

simple rule of being punctual. Yet it is your little Wounded

Child that is screaming for attention. And that is screaming

at you. Not wanting to go through pain of rejection and

feeling abandoned again. So again, it's not too much about

going back in time and digging up old stories. But I sure

encourage you to like if you can tell me in a conversation. Oh,

yeah, I remember when I was five, we moved away. And my

parents never made sure that I stay in contact with my friends.

And I had to find new friends in that town we moved to and it was

very hard on me. And it was very sad times and I couldn't

communicate it because I was still a child. Well, that's a

deep wound. That's deep trauma. And I don't know what it is a

lot of people just hate that word trauma or want to see

themselves as absolutely invincible from birth on. But if

you look at it, we were all so cozy and warm. In our mother's

womb, everything was provided was warm. We didn't have to care

about anything. And then you're being literally splashed out

into this world where all of a sudden, you have to breathe, you

have to eat, you have to drink, you have to have shelter, and

warmth. And you need physical and emotional connection,

otherwise you're not going to survive. So fuck that already.

So if you didn't go through any trauma, birth, itself is such a

huge trauma, if you want to look at it, that it doesn't surprise

me that there's so many people out there depressed because they

don't see that those experiences are traumatizing. And after

that, we manipulate we do everything to get our needs met,

to an extent that it hurts ourselves and other people.

That's how screwed up it is. But you have to see that those maybe

little things for you now, back then were intense. And the

feelings you had were real. And your little brain back then that

was still forming, was trying now to avoid that pain and was

trying to get better and to provide better and, and to be

safe again. And in control being in control. I will post an

episode about OCD. He has sown oppressive controlling behavior,

you know, I'll go more into detail that but can wanting to

control. And being aggressive when it comes to control is the

behavior of a deeply insecure person. And they are suffering

and the people around them are suffering. And this is why I'm

getting so intense with it because I was in that spot for

so long. And I'm feeling so much better now. And I want people to

be like to reaching that point faster. I want to provide people

with a shortcut that they don't sit in this misery as long as I

was maybe 10 years or longer.

So if this was deeply triggering for you, if you feel like Oh my

god, I have abandonment issues. And I don't know how to deal

with it my relationships. In the past, I realized now I've

manipulated and it is also said, trust me, you're not alone with

this and you can always reach out. And you can start talking

about it with me or with people around you because it's not

something uncommon. We all suffer from that to some degree.

And it's not something to be ashamed of it is so beautiful to

become aware of your behavior, to then live a more fulfilled

life and to be happy in your relationships, your

relationships, our life, the way you relate to your environment,

to your family, to your friends, to your partner, is deeply

nourishing you on every little level that there is. So if I can

do something, to make you feel better about yourself, for you,

to then have better relationships, then you make me

the happiest person here on planet Earth. Because it is too

sad to see that some people still struggle with control and

with disappointment and with attachment. And we want to

alleviate this pain, we want to help people get out of the

suffering and make people are aware of it, which is not always

comfortable. You know, I'm not always comfortable waking people

up and telling the truth and also calling myself out on my

bullshit. But it's the only way the only way out is through it.

And through it means in this case, reflect about what hurt

you in the past and have compassion for yourself. Know

that you didn't put on a show, know that you didn't like create

drama for nothing, it is how you felt. And you have to validate

how you felt in the past, to validate yourself now in the

present, and to be a stronger, better future self. It is only

with awareness with shining light onto the shadow that we

can change things. And the only thing you can change on this

planet Earth is yourself. You cannot change other people, you

can only inspire people to look a little deeper and to reflect.

But if they're not ready for it, they will harshly reject you.

And you cannot take a personal you cannot take anything

personal on this planet Earth. Because it is all changing. It

is all unpredictable. And that's the mystery and the beauty of

life. You can learn to trust yourself again, and you can

trust your judgment, your observations, without analyzing

a lot of times, people with abandonment issues, analyze so

much. And put people into boxes way too much. Just because they

want things to go exactly their way. Because everything else is

so scary. To open your mind to a new way of approaching

relationships. Or maybe starting a family or living your life is

so freakin scary. If you and your little mind thought, this

is exactly how it has to be. Otherwise, I'm going to get

hurt. So I'm going to stop right here and invite you to maybe

meditate on this pick a meditation. And let us all sink

in. Especially if you feel like this is you or this is a person

that you really love. Think about what I just said. And

yeah, reflect about it. And then know that I will be out there

very soon again, and keep talking about this. Because it

is way too important. To not be talking about us. It's a very

simple thing to do to reflect about yourself and to then

adjust and change to live a better life and I want to be

there for you on your journey. Alright, take really good care

of yourself. Thanks for enjoying the Borealis experience podcast.

Until next time, bye bye