I'm embarrassed at how many times I was, like, scripting in my head how to start this conversation. Does anyone else do that, where they literally, like, in their head practice what they're about to say? Can we stop that? Just fucking speak, woman. Speak, speak, speak. Okay. Here we go. This isn't even like spicy or anything. It's funny. I have a hard time sometimes starting things and then once I start I can't stop so I've been reflecting today on this like new sense of time freedom that I'm Experiencing since my daughter Aubrey has been going to daycare And, long story short, like she, we made the decision as a family to start sending her to daycare back in the summer. And, oh my god, those first three months, literally July, August, and September, I kid you not, might have been like the hardest months of my life. Because it was not going well, and I was feeling so stuck and so discouraged and crippled with self doubt not feeling like I made the right decision or second guessing my decision and just really at odds with the system that we exist in in the sense of the collective undervaluing of mothers and my own inner self Inner shit that was going on, of noticing that I wanted to be everything to her and so there was this ego death that had to happen in creating that separation between her and I where I actually needed to find safety in not being with her all the time and allowing And practicing building trust in other people looking after her. And yeah, like those first couple months were not, were not easy because she was not transitioning well. And even though I was all of a sudden getting this chunk of time in the day that I've literally never experienced. Because prior to becoming a mom, I I worked, basically, full time and work shift work, and there was always shit to do that sense of time freedom was very new and very unfamiliar, and it wasn't something that I could even land into, because I was still so enmeshed with, with my daughter, and the our, the maternal baby bond that obviously is real and exists, and I'm still breastfeeding, I think hormonally that, that attachment is even deeper. I, I hear from many moms that once, once they're done breastfeeding, the, the relationship just shifts. And I recognize that we haven't experienced that shift yet. And so that was also playing into all of the emotional, energetic stuff that I was experiencing all summer in being separated from her. And also this really uncomfortable truth of sitting in my own privilege. The privilege of even getting to have the choice and the financial ability to send her to child care. That was uncomfortable in itself. I, I remember many times thinking man, this would be So much easier, quote unquote, if there wasn't a choice here, if I like had to go back to work and like we had no choice and we had to send her to daycare, but we had that choice and sitting with that choice was really, really uncomfortable too. Anyways, I said this is gonna be a long story short and that turned into a long story long as it always does. My point is, is it took a good three months for that transition to To transition. So it really wasn't until October, like last month, end of September, beginning of October, that we started to find ourselves in a new groove and a new routine. She now actually likes and wants to go to daycare. She is thriving. There is no pressure. Urgency for me during the day to go pick her up. She's even napping there, which I never thought would have happened. And all of this to say I now have this new sense of time freedom that like I said I've literally never experienced in my life. And I think A lot of people have this desire, right? Time freedom is a big goal and it was absolutely a goal of mine. It's like a value freedom I'm recognizing is one of my, my biggest values and that manifests in so many different aspects of life and like the flexibility of time is one of those things. And more, more so the, the, the flexibility to actually just meet and tend to my body on a minute by minute basis and not be attached to the constructs and the timelines of society or obligations outside of me and I recognize that that is a fucking privilege and I'm, I'm I'm really aware of it and sitting with it and not taking it for granted. I also can see the sacrifices and the compromises and the devotion and dedication and commitment that Myself and my husband have had to make to get to this point right this didn't just like land in my lap These were this this is a manifestation of like many conscious choices to get to this place and anyways the whole point of this episode in this conversation is because I want to talk about this new sense of time freedom and how Unfamiliar it is to my nervous system and how Yeah, this was the goal and I could be sitting here like just living my best life but there's still so many parts of me that want to run on autopilot and autopilot being like we must get things done. We must use this time efficiently We must tackle the to do list and that's not why I wanted this, right? I just named like I wanted this for that That spaciousness and that flexibility to be attuned to and in relationship to my body. And today specifically I have, I have some big ambitions over the next couple weeks. I am, I'm, I'm in the middle of, I guess, a launch, if you want to call it that, although that word doesn't necessarily resonate. I'm, I'm creating, I'm gestating, I'm birthing a retreat, a virtual retreat for January, February, March, three month retreat, and I'm in the process of just getting crystal clear on what that's looking and the women that I'm calling in for that container. And I have it in my head that I have to create a sales page for it. And of course that's in my head, right? Because that's all we've ever seen. We see the, the business world, we see the, the, the gurus and the coaches tell us like, yeah, you need to have this, this sales page. That's how people buy your stuff. And I'm putting all this pressure on myself to Master and perfect this sales page. I'm putting all this pressure on myself to have this organic kind of funnel be created. And these, these avenues for people to enter my ecosystem and get a taste of me and get a sense of like my energy and my approach, knowing that they likely need to build trust with me before they're willing to actually commit to some sort of financial exchange. To be a member or a not a member. I don't even know why that came out of my mouth to just be one of the women that I'm calling in for this retreat. And I can see so clearly that those pressures, those aren't mine. Those are coming from outside of me. Those are coming from the boss babe mindset and the bro marketing strategies and tactics that is all we've really ever been exposed to. So anything outside of that feels. Anything outside of that feels impossible, anything outside of that feels wrong. And the thing is, is what if, what if that's actually the answer that like we've all been looking for? And I'm not saying The way I am about to do things is your answer. I'm saying like just what if not following the way it's always been done is the answer. Right? And really tuning into what your body and like the the soul and the essence of your business and the soul and the essence of whatever offering you're creating is asking of you and literally being in relationship, relationship to it and asking like how do you want to be seen today? What if it was actually that simple? And so for me personally, like I said, this sense of time freedom, and literally today I had one call this morning. The rest of my day, the rest of the chunk of day that my daughter's at daycare, I have all this flexibility. I can do whatever the fuck I want to do in this time, and I noticed how, how quick I was to, to fall into the traps of that pressure, and And almost just see that, that pressure to work on the sales page and work on the launch of this retreat. And all of that was out of alignment of what my body was actually asking for. My body was actually asking for movement and connection and food. I sometimes get into these like hyper fixated moments of doing whatever it is that I'm focused on and I don't even recognize that I'm hungry and so like I forget to eat lunch and today I was able to recognize oh actually my body wants lunch right now let's go have lunch instead of waiting till like I'm starving and it's past the point of no return. And that's what I'm talking about here is like being able to be in that space where you are so present With your body's communication that the answers you keep looking for outside of yourself are revealed Because your body literally tells you what's next like the steps literally unfold for you without you Putting a bunch of energy into figuring it out, right? So my day ended up being a 49 minute dance party, some journaling, some voice noting to some women that I would really love to see at this retreat. And now here I am recording this, like this, none of this was on my to do list and I'm not like scrapping my to do list. I'm just like in full trust that it will organically unfold. And when I show up, if I even show up to completing the so called sales page for this retreat, it won't be from obligation and it won't be from force. It will be because the words are just ready to ooze out of me and be put onto paper. I have enough evidence now to support that forcing words on paper, forcing content, forcing copy doesn't work. And When I mean, it doesn't work sure, I can get something done, but that resonance, that felt experience for the person that's reading it, is so disconnected. And I think this is a missing piece in the business space and the marketing space, is we really need to be focusing on resonance building. We need to be showing up to our business and our marketing and our copywriting. From this very safe and excited and grounded, rooted channel, right? Not from this place of desperation and not from this place of Oh, I have to get this done and move through my to do list. Or not from this place of I can't do this until I do that, right? The conditions that we kind of put on our tasks and our productivity. And I know I'm all over the place. This is just how things go. If you're new to my world. And you're not following along, then this is it. Take it or leave it. I don't script my episodes. I don't really even think too hard about what I want to talk about. I just have this nudge of okay, we're going to go here, and then I start talking. So here we are, and we're here. And I just want to really give language to the fact that when the strategy that you are trying to implement in your business feels hard and uncomfortable and sticky. Ask yourself what's here for me? Is this, this hard and this uncomfortable and sticky because this is an edge for me? Or is this hard and uncomfortable and sticky because this is out of alignment for me? And being able to discern between those two things, obviously is a skill and takes some time, but. That really is like how, how we start shifting the paradigm when it comes to the way we show up to business. And that's how we, yeah, just get to create more of a reparative and a regenerative space in like the industry of coaching and personal development and healing and whatever it is that you do. Like when you stop showing up to your business from this energy of It like providing a paycheck and growing your, your audience or whatever other kind of like superficial metric of success that society kind of gives us as a download when we, when we unsubscribe to those downloads and we actually tune into what would success actually feel like for me and we go after it. That's when things start to shift and that's when the reality becomes something new and when we talk about like a new paradigm or the new earth like that's all it is that is just like doing things differently and showing up to life and showing up to business and showing up to the way you meet yourself and the way you you interact with your your kids and your partner and Your relationship to money, all of those things start to shift, and all of those things start to hopefully become more easeful and less clunky, because there's just this, this cleaner energy to it. There's not conditions. You are just like, so firmly rooted. In, in a felt sense of safety of like your sense of belonging and your like right to exist in the world, that there's not these conditions of well, I can only do this if I do that. I can only launch this if I have this certification. I can only have this many people in my container if I have the right lead magnet and like a perfect and polished sales page. Do you see where I'm going with that? Like, all of that is bullshit. And I think the sooner that we come to realize it, and the sooner that we start to show up differently the better the world is gonna be. And yeah. I think my point of this was just to share the, the ongoing inner work, the inside out work that, that happens, right? It isn't a final destination. I was talking to someone about like inner mastery and self mastery and how I'm so fed up with the word mastery because mastery in itself feels like something that has like a completion, something that you're conquering, something with a final outcome and tending to our own inner world. Healing our own inner world has no There's no final destination there, right? It is like a lifelong practice and it's being in relationship. That's what it is. It's not inner mastery. It's like being in right relationship with yourself. And yeah, that's really what my whole body of work is all about. And this retreat that I'm creating really is centered around Obviously, it's centered around tending to our inner, inner world, but deeper than that, it's the deconditioning and the untangling and the unmasking of, of layers that have been put on us from societal conditions and systemic oppression and just the water we swim in and how all of those things are keeping us from really tapping into our, our purpose and our potential and being truly like in alignment. I know like all of those things are kind of like buzzwords and I, I almost cringe saying them out loud, but like it's this, it's the shedding of skins to really come home and reclaim your, your true and natural essence. It's untaming your wildness and all the parts of you that you've been suppressing. And it's that, like I said, attunement to your body in such a lovingly, nonjudgmental, compassionate way. It's like full self acceptance of Wow, I, I see this part of me that is feeling really uncomfortable in not creating a sales page because everything around me is telling me that I need a sales page and this is inviting me to really trust myself. It's, it's letting that, that fear and that doubt actually have a seat and allowing that part to be there and allowing yourself to like glean wisdom from that and create a felt sense of safety for that part. It's recognizing when old stories you've attached to aren't actually true anymore. This is such a silly example, but like last week I, I wanted to get my eyebrows threaded and I kept telling myself like, Oh, I don't have time. I don't have time because that's always been the story, right? That's always been. the story. It's always felt like this added thing on my to do list that only gets to happen when, I don't know, a series of events magically unfold. And I caught myself. I'm like, wait a minute, I do have time. I'm just like choosing not to use this time for that. And it just really widened my lens on My own inner experience right now of like how, how quick we are to go back to those old patterns and go back to those old stories and Not really give space to actually check, like fact check that I'm literally like fact check your own your own mind chatter and When you recognize it and you give awareness You have awareness around it that gives you the opportunity to make a different choice and to disrupt that pattern and so obviously like I Came to the conclusion of yeah, like I get to I do have time I went got my eyebrows threaded and just got to sit in this You This realization of this is the life I've created, this is all I've ever wanted, is this sense of time freedom. And, again, kind of full circle moment to the beginning of the conversation I'm really just trying to paint this picture that even when we get to, quote unquote the final destination, the thing that we wanted, these old stories, these old patterns, these old conditions keep coming in. To just try to bring us back to something more familiar because our nervous system is like literally its job is just to be on the lookout for threats. And so it's constantly scanning for threats. It's constantly scanning to see what feels unsafe versus what is safe and anything unfamiliar rings the alarm bell as unsafe. So our jobs then get to be bringing awareness to that and intentionally building capacity and creating a felt sense of safety as we start doing these like new unfamiliar things. Anyways, this was all over the place. I hope there was something here for you. Yeah, I'm, I'm hosting a retreat. In January it's gonna be 12 weeks. It's all virtual. It's very unconventional as is everything I do you don't need flights. You don't need accommodations and yeah, i'm I'm, i'm really anchoring it into Just I don't even have the length. This is why there's no sales page because I'm having such a hard time finding the language to express like the depths that I want to Take us through in this retreat But the language I do have is really around deconditioning and deconstructing and untaming ourselves in the sense of actually, actually moving towards our wildest desires and tending to the parts of us that have been protecting us or, or creating some sort of resistance. in actually getting there. So basically it's like deconditioning work. But it's, it's specifically for women who consider themselves like self led. They've already been doing some deconditioning and then some untangling work. They have been on this like self reclamation journey for lack of a better word, call it what you want. And they recognize that like our, our outer world. simply is just a reflection of our inner world. So instead of putting all of our energy into the outer world stuff, like in the context of like business, like the strategy, the website, the stupid sales page, why don't we actually put our energy into our inner world and tend to all the things going on kind of below ground because then the above ground stuff organically just shapes itself and the energy needed to create and manifest things into like the 3D world end up being so much easier. That's like a fucking quantum leap, timeline jump, whatever you want to call it. And yeah, let's do it. Let's collapse timelines in your business without actually digging heels into business strategy.