Welcome to the Mother-Daughter Relationship. Show the podcast for mothers and daughters who want to build stronger bonds, deepen their understanding and transform their relationships. I'm your host, Brittany Scott, licensed therapist and mother-daughter relationship coach. After years of working with hundreds of daughters. And mothers. I've developed strategies that help break generational patterns, heal wounds, and create the loving relationships you've always wanted. Each week I'll be sharing insights from real clients, expert interviews and practical tools you can use immediately to improve your mother-daughter dynamic. Whether you're struggling with communication breakdowns, navigating major life transitions, or simply wanna take your already good relationship to the next level. The show is for you. And yes, the transformation I guide my clients through can be yours too. I'll share more about how you can work with me. It's time to experience the relationship you both deserve. Are you ready? Let's dive in. Hi, and welcome back to the Mother-Daughter Relationship Show. I'm your host, Brittney Scott. I wanna start this episode with the question, when was the last time you made a decision and felt completely confident about it? Not second guessing yourself, not asking 10 different people for their opinion, not lying awake at night, wondering if you chose wrong, just. Settled knowing that you made the right choice for you. If you're struggling to remember a time like that, you are not alone. So many of the women I work with tell me the same thing. I don't trust myself. I don't know what I want. I'm constantly second guessing everything. Or when I ask them what they need, I don't know how to answer that question. And here's what breaks my heart. They think this means something's wrong with indecisive. Or that they're somehow fundamentally flawed, but that's not true. What's actually happening is that somewhere along the way, usually in childhood, they learned that their inner knowing wasn't safe to trust. They learned to doubt their own perceptions, to question their own feelings, or to look outside themselves for answers that were always meant to come from within. Today we're talking about something that's foundational to every aspect of healing, learning to trust yourself again when that foundation feels very shaky. Or just doesn't really feel safe at all. I want you to know that you do have inner wisdom, do have good judgment that internal compass tells you what's right for you never actually broke. It just got buried along the way under the years of being taught to doubt yourself, or under the years of not really being able to make any decisions for yourself at all. So. We're gonna start uncover all of this again and help you find it. If this is resonating with you at all, I want you to stick with me. Let's jump in to today's episode. Let's start by understanding how this happened and how you got to struggling to trust your own judgment or to just trust your decisions. When we understand the why, it helps us be more compassionate with ourselves. About what Now? When you're a little girl. You are like a little scientist. You're constantly gathering information about the world, about relationships, about yourself, how things connect. Also, how people connect. And the primary way you learn is through your relationship with your mother. That's going to be the first lesson. If your mother was emotionally available and responsive, if she validated your feelings and helped you make sense of your experiences, then you learned to trust your own perceptions. You learn that your feelings mattered, that your reality was real, but if your mother was struggling with her own wounds, she wasn't healing or getting better. If she was inconsistent, if she dismissed your feelings, if she made you question your own reality, then you learn something very different. You learn that you couldn't trust yourself. Maybe when you were upset about something, she said, you're being too sensitive or you're overreacting. You need to calm down. Maybe when you remembered something, one way she insisted it happened differently. Maybe you were scared or sad, and she told you those feelings were wrong or bad, or to suck it up, or to be brave and just kind of kept moving you along. What happens is your nervous system learns that it's not safe to trust your own signals. Your body might be telling you something is wrong, but you've been taught to doubt that feeling. Your heart might be telling you. But you've been taught to override that knowing to just keep moving along. This is what I mean when I say that your foundation was shaky or just not safe. The very relationship that was supposed to teach you to trust yourself taught you the opposite. And that little girl inside you is still carrying that confusion. Today, if you are resonating with this, you may have heard things like, oh, don't be silly. You're just being dramatic. You don't know what you're talking about. I don't even know why you feel that way. These things cloud your judgment and make you struggle to just trust in yourself and believe in yourself as you get older. One of the biggest challenges when you're learning to trust yourself again is figuring out the difference between anxiety and intuition and fear, because when your nervous system has been on high alert for years, it can be really hard to tell the difference between a fear-based thought and genuine inner wisdom. Lemme help you understand what each one feels like, because they're actually very different, but they're processed in the same area of the brain. So let me help you know what to look for. Anxiety tends to be loud and urgent, kind of adjacent to fear. It's the racing mind that jumps to worst case scenarios. It's the voice that says, what if this happens? What if that happens? It often feels tight in your chest, making your breathing shallow. And has this sense of panic or urgency to it. Anxiety is usually about future threats, things that might happen but aren't happening right now. And that's how anxiety differs from fear. But I say anxiety and fear are like brother and sister. They show up the same. They look almost the same, but there is a distinct difference between them. So a brother and a sister, we know their siblings, we know they come from the same parents, but we know who each one is. So fear. A real threat. So you're not afraid of the future, you're afraid of something that's happening right now in front of you where anxiety, you're afraid of what if you're afraid of what might happen, you're kind of creating a future scenario. Anxiety is a perceived threat. Intuition, on the other hand, is usually much quieter, so it can feel a little like anxiety, but it's not as loud. It's gentle. It's kind of a sense of like, okay, wait. This feels right, or know something feels off. It tends to feel more settled in your body, even if it's telling you something you don't wanna hear. Intuition is present moment awareness. It's information about what's happening right now. I really don't know what's going on, but something tells me that I should leave this place. There's something telling me I should not be here right now. That intuition. Here's an example. Let's say you're considering ending a friendship. Anxiety might sound like, what if I hurt her feelings? What if she tells everyone what a terrible person I am? What if I'm wrong and I'm just being dramatic? That's fear and anxiety talking, but intuition might sound like this relationship doesn't feel good anymore. I feel drained every time we spend time together. This friendship has run its course. That's more intuition and wisdom talking. Your body can help you tell the difference too. I want you to take a moment right now and think about something that makes you anxious. Notice what happens in your body. You might feel your shoulders tense up. Your breathing might get shallow. Or become rushed. You're breathing faster. Your stomach might feel tight. Now, think about a time when you just knew something was right for you. Maybe it was taking a job or ending a relationship, or making a decision that felt aligned. Notice what that feels like in your body. It probably feels more open, more settled, not stressed. Your body is always giving you information when you were little. You might have been taught to ignore those signals, but they're still there, and learning to listen to them again is a huge part of rebuilding self-trust. Take some time, close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and then do a body scan. If you're unsure of your own thoughts, see if your body can help you in trusting them. Notice a difference in what it's feeling. Also, not just what it's feeling, but where you're feeling it. That's also part of. If you are struggling with this, I really want you to hear this. You do have inner wisdom. You've always had it. Even in the moments when you feel most confused or lost, that knowing is still there. Think back throughout your life. I bet there have been times when you trusted yourself and it worked out beautifully. Maybe you had a gut feeling about a person who turned out to be wonderful. Maybe you had a decision that didn't make logical sense, but felt right in your heart and it led you somewhere amazing. Maybe there were times where you ignored your inner knowing and later wished you had listened. Maybe you stayed in a relationship longer than you should have because you talked yourself out of those red flags you were sensing. Maybe you took a job that looked good on paper, but felt wrong in your gut for some reason. You couldn't figure out why, but something was telling you not to take it and you did anyway. Those experiences aren't failures. They're information. They're evidence that you do have an inner compass. When you listen to it, it serves you well, and maybe you should listen to it. I think this part might be, maybe the hard part of inner wisdom is knowing that it's not always logical. Like you may not have all of the answer that you need, knowing that something feels wrong, but not knowing why. Feeling like you shouldn't be in a certain place, but not knowing exactly why you're feeling that way. Like inner wisdom sometimes isn't having all the answers. Sometimes it's just acting in a way that. It makes sense in that moment, I guess it's always trying to guide you toward what's best for you, even when it's hard to see in the moment. Your intuition has been protecting you all along, even in your mother wound, even in the dysfunction. There was some part of you that knew this wasn't how love was supposed to feel. That knowing kept you alive. It brought you to this healing journey. It's the reason you're listening to the podcast right now, and I do hope by. So how do we start rebuilding that confidence? How do you learn to trust yourself again when that foundation just wasn't solid enough? Well, you're gonna start small. You start with low stakes decisions where you can practice listening to your inner knowledge and listening to your gut without a lot of pressure. So it could be choosing what to have for lunch based on what your body is craving. Maybe it's picking which route to take home based on what feels good. Maybe it's deciding what to watch on Netflix by noticing what you're genuinely drawn to. Not what you think you should watch. Pay attention to how these small choices feel in your body when you make a decision that's aligned with your inner knowing. Notice that when you make a choice that feels forced, or should ory notice that too. Here's what I want you to start practicing. Before you make any decision, take a pause, take a deep breath, drop into your body for a moment and ask what feels right. Don't overthink it. Don't analyze it too long. Just notice what comes up. Your first instinct before your mind starts taking you out of it is often your intuition speaking before you start trying to overanalyze or add in all the questions, the what ifs, the shoulds, what was your first instinct? Start by going with that one, and here's something really important. It's okay to change your mind as you learn more information Wherever you are on this journey, I want you to know you can change your mind at any time. Trusting yourself doesn't mean you have to stick with every decision forever. It means you honoring your knowing in each moment and stay open to new information. Stay open to pivoting and to changing your mind and not being afraid of that, and not worrying about what anyone else may say about that. So as you're starting this part of your journey, if you're gonna start practicing this, just focus on small things. And if you don't know where to start. You could also start with paying attention to how you feel after certain decisions or after certain interactions. So let's say you spend time with a group of friends. Once that interaction is over and that experience is done, take some time to take inventory into how you felt during, before, during, and after the interaction or experience, and start to pay attention to interactions that felt good, and then basing your decision on that. So making more decisions that. Would lead to you feeling good and less decisions that would lead to you feeling bad or just feeling uneasy, or even just feeling like emotionally or mentally drained. Start with what happens after an interaction, and also maybe start with asking for people's input less. So let's say they're the decision where you always call your best friend or you call your partner or whoever you're calling, you call somebody for their input before you make a decision. Make one decision on your own. See what happens when you don't call them and how you feel. So just start with small, nothing. None of your actions toward new behaviors need to be big. They just need to be small enough that you keep going. If they're too big, and then feel like failures, you'll stop or you'll freeze, or you'll run away from it. If you make really small ones that don't have to feel gigantic or like a big lift, if they succeed, you'll keep moving along. So think small and just start. So let me see if I can give you some concrete practices you can start using today to rebuild that relationship with your inner wisdom. First, start doing regular check-ins with yourself if you need to set a few alarms throughout the day and when they go off, just ask yourself, what does my body feel right now? And maybe what does it need? Maybe it needs water or it needs you to get up from your chair and stretch, or it wants you to go outside and let the sun just kind of shine out on you for five minutes. Or just fresh air Honor, whatever comes up, even if it's just for a few minutes, and go with it. Second, start a decision journal. When you have a choice to make, write down what your gut is telling you before you start analyzing or asking other people for advice. Then make your decision and see how it works out. You'll start to see patterns of when your intuition serves you well and maybe when it doesn't. Third, practicing noted things that don't feel good, even when you can't articulate why. If someone invites you to something and your body says, no, honor that you don't need to have a logical reason, it doesn't feel right for me is enough, or just say, you know, right now I just don't have the time, or I don't have the space for that. I would love to be invited again next time. This weekend isn't a good weekend for me, but if you're doing anything next weekend, I would love to be invited, something like that. If you don't really have an answer for your note or you just frankly don't want give one. Thank them for the invite. Invite and let them know that you do wanna be invited again, but this time just doesn't work for you. Fourth, surround yourself with people who validate your reality. Find friends, therapists, or communities where your feelings and perceptions are welcome and honored. This helps you to rewire your system to trust your own experience. Now, I'm not talking about yes men or yes women, people that just go along with whatever you say. Even when you might be a little delusional, but I mean people who don't try and downplay how you're feeling, who don't tell you that you're just being crazy or you're just being dramatic, or people who try to minimize how you're feeling. I mean, people who validate how you're feeling, not people who just help you in your delusions because we can all be a little delusional at times. And finally, be patient with yourself. You're literally rewiring decades, sometimes. Not sure how old you are listening to this. But you're probably rewiring decades of conditioning. Some days you'll feel really connected to your inner knowing and your intuition, and some days you'll feel lost and confused, both in normal parts of the process. You just have to keep going. So as we close today's episode, I want you to know that learning to trust yourself again is one of the most important things you can do for your healing. Every time you pause to listen to your body, honor your gut feeling, choose what feels authentic. Maybe what feels safe? You're healing that little girl inside of you who learns. She couldn't trust herself. Your inner wisdom has been there all along waiting for you to remember. It's the voice that whispers, yes, when something is right for you and no when something just isn't. It's the feeling in your body that guides you towards what's good for you and away from what isn't. You don't need anyone else to tell you what's right for your life. You have everything you need inside to make beautiful aligned choices. Sometimes that's just gonna take practice and really muscle building, like you just have to do it and try and mess up and make the wrong decision and try again and know that you can figure this out if you're willing to put in the work. Next week we're gonna talk about how mother wounds affect your friendships with other women. We're going to explore why trusting other women can feel scary and how to build meaningful relationships with them that you deserve. This kind of just goes in line with trusting yourself to make decisions. How do you trust other women when you couldn't trust your mom? How do you trust yourself making decisions when you were never allowed to? Well, until then, I want you to practice one thing, trusting yourself with small decisions. When you're choosing what to eat, what to wear, what to listen to. Pause for just a moment and ask your body what it wants. Ask your heart what it wants too. Don't overthink it. Just listen and honor whatever comes up for you. You are building something so beautiful and precious, the relationship with your own inner child and intuition, and that little girl inside of you is so grateful that you're finally listening to her again, and that she does get to help you make decisions at your age. Now, thank you so much for being here and listening to another episode and. If you're using these to help you in your healing journey, I'm really proud of the work that you're doing and I will catch you on the next one. That's all for today's episode of the Mother-Daughter Relationship Show. Thanks so much for spending this time with me. I hope you picked up some valuable insights that you can start using right away in your own relationship to create deeper connection and understanding. If something from today's episode resonated with you, don't keep it to yourself. Share it with the mother or daughter in your life who needs to hear this message. And while you're at it, please consider leaving a rating. And review so we can reach more families and transform the way mothers and daughters relate to each other. For those ready to take the next step, you can visit my website to learn more about my private coaching programs and my program designed specifically for mother-daughter pairs. Whether you're dealing with communication challenges, life transitions, or just wanna strengthen an already good relationship, I'm here to help. Thank you so much for listening. I'll see you in the next one.