In today's episode, we thought that we would have a talk about what happens. When you have a setback with your driving confidence. Yeah, and it comes up quite often. We're hearing. The people might well have passed their test. And they've been driving around. Okay. And then something happens. Yeah. It could be they've stalled at a junction. Yeah. Get beeped. Yeah. Or maybe they've heard a knock bum per scrape. Or found themselves in the wrong lane or there's, there's so many different things that could come under this category of setbacks aren't lab. Yeah. It's now about how do you now get back on track? Yeah, and let's face it. when you learn something new, it's very rare that you, you are just off and running and it's a lovely, smooth trajectory with everything going as you hope it will. Life is full of. Ups and downs and things happen and don't know. And it's called life. Yes. It's called life. And it happens to everybody. Yeah, I think that was a really important element of this is acknowledging that these things happen to experience drivers as well. But I think the difference is with an experienced driver, perhaps they've experienced more of these setbacks. So maybe they've got in the wrong lane more often, maybe they've stalled more often, like. I've often said I'm an expert Staller. So to me, that's not a setback. That's just something that I've done so many times now. I don't even give it a second thought is no longer a setback. No, because you've, you've learnt, I suppose, to. Recognize the fact that the car has stalled. And it's like, this is what I do know. Yeah. I know how to recover people barely notice. But then if somebody does notice if somebody beeps and they're impatient, I'm not really that bothered. For someone else, it might be the end of the world though. Exactly. Yeah. So for me, it's no longer a setback, but for somebody else. Maybe it will be a setback. And like we say, there's so many different things that could fall into this category. So we're think. The first point was these things happen to experience drivers too. And maybe the second thing is. Be kind to yourself. If something happens in your driving And it shakes your confidence. If you feel that it's a bit of a setback, it's given you a wobble, then. Start off by being kind to yourself. These things happen to everyone. Yeah. And if you can, I suppose it's almost like accepted. accept that that happened. And we move on. Yes. You know, that is part of it. Isn't it? You. It's a, it's a minor blip. And this is what's happens from now on. Yeah, that's it. And. It may feel that it's maybe been a case of two steps forward. One step back. But that's okay. It doesn't set you right back to being a learner driver on your first lesson again, you'll never be back there. You've gone too far. Past that point. Haven't you. From being in the learner. You are. A full license holder. Which means you've got driving skills. Yeah. And so even if you do feel that you've taken a step backwards, It's been a setback. You're not right back at the beginning. So it's getting it into perspective. Isn't it. You've been in this place before and you can move forward from it. Yeah. You have experiences. But most people I say most people pass a test. I think that's it. And off they go and they drive. Without any issues for a period of time. But these things do happen, like we've said, and now it's like use those past experiences to help you move forward. Yeah. You're now a more experienced driver with whatever it is that happened. So, how do you bring this into your experience? One way you can work with this is to actually say. What did I do before? When something went wrong before, what did I do? Yes. What has worked well for you? In the past. Yeah. And it might well be it's like, ah, yeah. Yeah, I did this or that was similar. And if I can do the same again. This is what I'll do in the future. Yeah, because the challenge is, are the, in your driving lessons. You may well have had small setbacks and still moved forward from there. So what worked well in those experiences? Yeah. That again is going to just. Normalize the situation. Yes. This is where you know, it's happened before I got over it. I practiced. I got better. I'll just do the same again. It's what I do do what works more of what works less of what does. So one of the things that we know works really well is reflection. if something's happened, if there's been an incident, if you've had this setback and your confidence is wobbling. Then it's taken some time to reflect on what happened. But doing that in a neutral way. not just focusing on the incident or the event. Not just focusing on the feelings, not just focusing on the, what if this had happened or what if that had happened. So actually purposely sitting down and reflecting on it. Neutrally. What happened? Yeah. It's a simple question. But it has enormous effects when it's used effectively. Like neutrally. You're just asking yourself a question. What happened? Yeah. And then thinking, how could I learn from what happened? Yeah, what's my, what's my takeaways. Yeah. That's my takeaway. What have I learned? Um, what would I do differently when faced with the same situation? Yeah. Would it have a different effect? If I did something differently. Well, yeah, probably. Because you don't want that. Whatever it was to affect you in the future. So, ah, just do it differently. Yeah. How would you do it differently? What's your plan of action? If something similar happens again. And he is making sure that you catch your thoughts. Um, making sure that you don't wander off into the thoughts versus fact. So if you, when you're reflecting, you find yourself thinking. Quite dramatically or unkindly or, being very critical of yourself or making up scenarios, then we recommend pausing and thinking, is it a thought or is it a fact because what you're aiming to do is to reflect on the fact and just because you're thinking something, doesn't make it true. So we're working with the facts. Yeah. And. Again, what you're doing is you're probably being kind to yourself when you do that. But without realizing it. Because when you normalize something, it's like, okay, Now the other thing here is that you do knowledge, your feelings around it. So we're not suggesting that you try and suppress those feelings or ignore those feelings because they will keep. Cropping up. So it's acknowledging them. This is what happened. These are the facts and that that's how this has made me feel, but try to get really detailed with those feelings. What is the feeling? Rather than just saying what this made me really scared or it's made me really anxious. Let's try and. Drill down a bit more. Has it made you wary or cautious or disappointed or deflated drew down, get more detailed with those emotions and acknowledge. Those feelings and then look at how has that made you feel about driving now? Has it changed? What feels as if it's in your comfort zone? Has it changed? What might feel challenging about driving? Has something moved from what was in your comfort zone. And now that suddenly feels challenging. Because this gives you some direction as to what your approach might be next. Yeah. What you're then doing is you start to plan forward. You're making sense of the situation on you. Yes. Yeah. Absolutely. The thing is, is your brain very often, if it, if something's happened, say it happened at a particular junction or a set of traffic lights or a particular roundabout, then it's watching out for the fact that your brain is likely to try and get you to avoid that in the future. Our brain is all about survival is all about safety systems. So if you had this setback that made you feel uncut, Uncomfortable or upset or anxious at the time, then your brain is likely to say, whoa, don't do that again because we don't want to experience. That feeling again that made you, when you did that last time, that made you feel. Uncomfortable. Um, we don't want that, so just don't do it. Now we understand why our brain is doing this. It's looking out for us. It's trying to keep us safe. And it's trying to is trying to make everything. Lovely and comfortable or fluffy, but of course, the problem with this is that you may give in to the avoidance. And we did a podcast episode about avoidance. Didn't wait. So the crucial thing here to rewire your brain is you need to give it some positive evidence. That actually is okay. We can do this. Yeah, and yes. Thank you very much for keeping me safe. But this is what I want to do. Yeah. And it's how many times have I done that in the past? And it's been absolutely fine. Yeah. It's when you think about. I journey. Yeah. And you had this setback on a journey. How many times before have you done that journey and nothing's happened? Yeah. How many times have you stopped and moved away again? If it was a store. Using those skills that you've got. In a different way to help you. Yeah. So changing yours. Perspective. How many times have you done it before? And it's been okay. And then this one time something didn't quite go according to plan. So let's not let the discomfort of that. Stop us from doing it again. So to build positive evidence that we can keep doing it. It's how much discomfort are we willing? To tolerate. Yeah. How uncomfortable. Are we going to go with, you know, can we tolerate, can we put up with a few minutes of discomfort? In order to do that again, to repeat it, to try it again. And as we do that and we build up the positive evidence, the discomfort will reduce. Yeah. And that's really. Interesting point because some people say, well, I'm not doing it. But could you do it somewhere? Quiet. Yes. Could you do that same action, but a different time of the day. Yeah. So again, you're doing. That positive. Feeling you might not want to do it at the same time. And the day again, because the feelings probably still rule. It is there in you? So again, just pause. What can I do differently? Yeah. So could you do, could you try it again? Could you practice it? A different time of the day when it's less busy or if there's a specific journey, could you just do a part of it? So it comes down to this bite sizing that we talk about a lot. Doesn't it? So you combine size things down in terms of tasks, you can bite sized things down. with regards to time, you can buy a size things down with regards to how busy the environment is. So how can you, bite-size something down to practice it. To get that positive evidence and it's those short, repeatable actions, so that you're gradually building up your confidence scan. And there's something else that just popped into mind. Sometimes it does. I'll do these things. But also talking about. You know, what is in your control? Yes, no, that might be the decision you make to move forward. But also think about the situation that the setback happened. Was it in your control to. Do whatever it was or was it. How have your control. And what I mean by that was if someone was beeping, you. Can you control that person beeping? Probably not. But the way that they would be pin actually made you feel a certain way, if you're sat at the traffic lights and someone goes into the back of you. You know, just a bump. I'm talking horrendous crashes. But could you have controlled that? Probably not. But again, you feel like you've done something wrong because whatever the situation happened. So again, just to ask yourself, is, was I in control of what. Was happening at that time. Yeah, what can you control? What can't you control? Because this is quite important. Yeah, we can only control certain things. Yeah. You know, we're not, we're not in control of everything and I can't control people behind me. I can control how fast they go, because they're stuck behind me. And we've done a podcast with, one of the insurance companies with. This as well. So, you know, there's lots of things we can control, but there's a lot of things that are out of our control So have we covered everything? Our advice on what somebody should do when they experienced the setback. Yeah. I think we have, Again, there's probably just one more. Bit of advice I would give to people. And that is, if this has happened. Maybe a hospital help. Yes. Yeah, don't be afraid to. You know, have to be asked, it could be. Family friends. Family friends, your I'll drive an instructor, a new driving instructor, I don't feel alone, don't feel alone. It is possible to get help. So use, use the, your support system around you. Yeah, I think that was a great tip. So I'm listening to this podcast has helped you if you've experienced a setback. let us know. All of our contact details are in the show notes as always. And so all that leaves us to say is until next time, have a great day, whatever you're doing.