1 00:00:05,530 --> 00:00:11,930 Welcome to Social Skills Coaching, where you learn to be more likable, more charismatic, and more productive. 2 00:00:12,090 --> 00:00:17,630 Today is May 23, 2023, and these are your quick hits. 3 00:00:17,970 --> 00:00:21,134 Keep your eyes on the ground because it's Lucky Penny Day. 4 00:00:21,172 --> 00:00:22,640 You might find one today. 5 00:00:23,010 --> 00:00:28,102 If your name is Ethan or you work as a medical coder, today is your day. 6 00:00:28,236 --> 00:00:36,454 And for lunch, a limited menu with Taffy Day and whatever this is Drinking with Chickens Day. 7 00:00:36,652 --> 00:00:44,460 There's a little bit of leeway, though, because it is also World Turtle Day, which celebrates not only turtles, but Tortoises as well. 8 00:00:49,150 --> 00:00:58,990 Today's episode is from Patrick King's book how to Extract Info, Secrets and Truths, and we take a look at the topic of cold reading. 9 00:00:59,330 --> 00:01:08,478 This is a technique often used by psychics or scam artists to seemingly discern personal information from strangers or first time acquaintances. 10 00:01:08,654 --> 00:01:11,586 If you've seen the movie now you see me. 11 00:01:11,688 --> 00:01:16,066 This is what's practiced in part by Woody Harrelson's character. 12 00:01:16,258 --> 00:01:21,154 Today we'll take a look at how we can implement these techniques in our everyday conversations. 13 00:01:21,282 --> 00:01:22,760 Thanks for listening today. 14 00:01:25,930 --> 00:01:28,840 Chapter four, read and Tell. 15 00:01:30,010 --> 00:01:36,698 So far, this book has been about ways to extract information from people without them being aware that you're doing it. 16 00:01:36,864 --> 00:01:45,470 With the power of observation and a few targeted questions, you can read far more into people than what they believe they're sharing with you. 17 00:01:45,620 --> 00:01:57,598 And so, in this spirit of developing a special kind of listening for things that aren't said outright, we have to take a look at those people who have thoroughly mastered this skill con artists. 18 00:01:57,774 --> 00:02:09,030 More specifically, we'll look closely at the techniques employed by those claiming to be psychics, mystics, mediums, and clairvoyance who can hear the voice of your dead auntie. 19 00:02:09,370 --> 00:02:11,880 Now, two points before we continue. 20 00:02:12,250 --> 00:02:17,366 First, we won't discuss the truth of the claims made by such people I. 21 00:02:17,388 --> 00:02:17,862 E. 22 00:02:17,996 --> 00:02:25,930 Whether it is or isn't possible to tell the future, hear the dead, or read minds, and leave this to your own discretion. 23 00:02:26,350 --> 00:02:33,834 Second, the point of learning these techniques is not to become a TV show charlatan, wearing beads and going into trances. 24 00:02:33,962 --> 00:02:43,758 Rather, we'll take a look at how the methods used in this admittedly cheesy phenomenon can actually be used more universally. 25 00:02:43,934 --> 00:02:52,340 In other words, if we want to learn a few more techniques for reading people, well, the fake psychics have a lot to teach us. 26 00:02:53,030 --> 00:03:05,986 So called cold reading techniques are a little more advanced than the clues and signs we've learned about in earlier chapters and require us to think on our feet and adapt pretty quickly in evolving situations. 27 00:03:06,098 --> 00:03:12,954 But the great thing about cold reading is that it can be done well, cold I e. 28 00:03:13,072 --> 00:03:16,220 Without you ever having met the person before. 29 00:03:17,150 --> 00:03:29,550 With practice, you can combine many of the techniques already discussed, such as body language, clothing, mannerisms, et cetera, with cold reading to make it even more powerful. 30 00:03:30,530 --> 00:03:38,750 The essence of cold reading is that you are guessing nothing mystical or magical, just guessing. 31 00:03:38,910 --> 00:03:44,210 The trick, however, is to make guesses in such a way that it seems like you aren't guessing. 32 00:03:44,790 --> 00:03:55,720 Usually you make a guess that has a high probability of being right and then closely observe the result, altering your strategy as you go according to the information you're given. 33 00:03:56,490 --> 00:04:10,090 A good cold reader also hurries on so quickly from wrong guesses, and the audience barely notices he was wrong because he's busy weaving new connections and links and emphasizing his hits. 34 00:04:10,610 --> 00:04:20,270 Cold reading works because it is a very ordinary, obvious practice that is cleverly camouflaged to seem quite mysterious and unlikely. 35 00:04:20,930 --> 00:04:25,460 To show you what I mean, let me cold read you right now. 36 00:04:25,990 --> 00:04:38,310 Imagine that I have the paranormal gift that allows me to psychically examine the readers of this book to reach out supernatural tendrils and connect to your innermost feelings. 37 00:04:38,810 --> 00:04:39,654 Ah. 38 00:04:39,852 --> 00:04:41,334 Now I see you. 39 00:04:41,532 --> 00:04:49,210 This is what I see you've recently experienced some change, but are doing your best to adapt. 40 00:04:49,630 --> 00:04:53,162 You're a complex person with many things you don't tell others. 41 00:04:53,296 --> 00:04:58,460 Although when you're close to someone, you are open and enjoy good company. 42 00:04:59,310 --> 00:05:04,960 You sometimes feel a little socially anxious and worry about mistakes you've made in the past. 43 00:05:05,970 --> 00:05:09,440 You are unique and quite different from most other people. 44 00:05:09,970 --> 00:05:12,410 Sometimes you're fearful of the future. 45 00:05:12,580 --> 00:05:18,180 Though you like novelty and excitement, you also do appreciate time to rest. 46 00:05:19,110 --> 00:05:24,142 Chances are all of the above applies to you, dear reader. 47 00:05:24,206 --> 00:05:25,778 But it's not magic. 48 00:05:25,954 --> 00:05:26,680 Why? 49 00:05:27,050 --> 00:05:30,520 Because this description applies to almost everyone. 50 00:05:31,370 --> 00:05:40,010 The above is the perfect example of a high probability guest that is broad enough to have some hits when offered to a complete stranger. 51 00:05:40,510 --> 00:05:51,702 If I could be in the room with you right now, I could have subtly tweaked this description to include things I noticed about you your facial expression, age, gender, accent. 52 00:05:51,846 --> 00:05:58,606 To make the guests appear even more accurate, maybe I noticed you're wearing a t shirt with a political slogan on it. 53 00:05:58,788 --> 00:06:04,900 Maybe you say something like, well, I guess it is true that I'm not much like other people. 54 00:06:05,350 --> 00:06:10,850 Or maybe you merely smile when I allude to your individuality in my description. 55 00:06:11,350 --> 00:06:19,346 Maybe I notice that you're young, female, outspoken, and have an uncommon accent you seem to be trying to conceal. 56 00:06:19,458 --> 00:06:25,190 I put all of this together and know instantly what to focus on in the rest of my reading. 57 00:06:25,930 --> 00:06:37,820 It's easy to create the impression of supernatural gifts or intuition if you want to, but you can use cold reading techniques more benignly to gather huge amounts of information from others. 58 00:06:38,590 --> 00:06:47,006 Why not use it to learn more about the people around you, or to create rapport and a feeling of connection, perhaps without knowing it? 59 00:06:47,108 --> 00:06:56,020 People like psychologists and other helping professionals also use a little cold reading to quickly get to know the people in front of them. 60 00:06:56,630 --> 00:07:06,150 Good cold Reading uses several of the techniques we'll consider in a moment, as well as the powerful observational and listening skills we've already discussed. 61 00:07:07,370 --> 00:07:10,790 If possible, try to prepare beforehand. 62 00:07:11,370 --> 00:07:18,710 Fraudulent psychics will secretly spy on the crowd or specially select a group known for their suggestibility. 63 00:07:19,130 --> 00:07:24,330 For our purposes, you can prepare by learning as much about your audience ahead of time. 64 00:07:24,480 --> 00:07:30,410 If you can't simply consider the context and what it might mean for the people you'll encounter. 65 00:07:31,230 --> 00:07:43,730 For a various obvious example, if you encounter a youngish couple at a baby fair one weekend, you might reasonably infer that they were attempting to have a baby or were already pregnant. 66 00:07:45,590 --> 00:07:53,310 Technique One shotgun Statements fire out a load of guesses and see what hits. 67 00:07:53,470 --> 00:07:58,722 A shotgun statement is broad, but doesn't appear like a meaningless generalization. 68 00:07:58,866 --> 00:07:59,526 I e. 69 00:07:59,628 --> 00:08:02,840 Not too specific, but not too vague either. 70 00:08:03,370 --> 00:08:05,640 This is how TV psychics begin. 71 00:08:06,490 --> 00:08:10,620 I'm being shown someone with a name beginning with M. 72 00:08:11,550 --> 00:08:19,180 It's the kind of thing that people might overlook as applicable to everyone in the room if they instantly connect with it themselves. 73 00:08:20,190 --> 00:08:30,400 One way this is done is to focus not on factual details, but on emotional content, which some people are very willing and ready to connect with. 74 00:08:31,170 --> 00:08:34,766 This technique takes a little adaptation for everyday use. 75 00:08:34,948 --> 00:08:40,130 It needs to be possible to drop and move on from your statement if you're wrong in your guess. 76 00:08:40,280 --> 00:08:44,260 If you're right, you need to grab it and run with it. 77 00:08:45,290 --> 00:08:52,758 You seem like the type to be really into sports, but not the usual sports, obviously. 78 00:08:52,924 --> 00:08:56,310 More things like gymnastics and dancing. 79 00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:57,938 Dancing? 80 00:08:58,114 --> 00:08:58,866 God, no. 81 00:08:58,908 --> 00:09:02,810 I have two left feet, but I do a Zumba class once a week. 82 00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:03,754 I knew it. 83 00:09:03,792 --> 00:09:08,090 See, you can always tell when a person is very physically active. 84 00:09:09,810 --> 00:09:21,070 Technique Two Barnum Statements this technique is also called the forer effect, or, in psychological terms, the personal validation fallacy. 85 00:09:21,570 --> 00:09:25,730 We've already seen an example in the mini cold reading we did above. 86 00:09:26,070 --> 00:09:37,800 Human beings have an innate capacity to take vague statements and connect them to their own personal lives, making private links and connections to what is objectively neutral information. 87 00:09:38,890 --> 00:09:47,270 The hallmark of a barnum statement is hedging or noncommittal phrasing, such as sometimes or occasionally. 88 00:09:47,770 --> 00:09:51,820 This covers all bases and makes a claim without being too strong. 89 00:09:52,430 --> 00:09:55,914 If the other person doesn't connect with your prediction, it's not a problem. 90 00:09:56,032 --> 00:10:03,230 After all, you only said it happened sometimes or could happen horoscopes work on this principle. 91 00:10:03,810 --> 00:10:15,460 If Leo's prediction for the day is you may encounter some minor difficulties either in work or love, it's hard to imagine who wouldn't find the prediction come true. 92 00:10:16,790 --> 00:10:19,490 A good barnum statement is a win win. 93 00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:27,160 Either you're on the nose or you subtly fish for the other person to reveal information by how they respond to your miss. 94 00:10:27,690 --> 00:10:36,120 Barnum statements are like verbal rorschach blots they're vague enough that other people can project their own meaning onto them. 95 00:10:37,390 --> 00:10:42,730 I'm very intuitive, you know, and I can tell that you're someone with strong personal opinions. 96 00:10:43,790 --> 00:10:44,780 Pretty much. 97 00:10:45,630 --> 00:10:53,200 Sometimes you agree with people, but I think that occasionally you have a few unconventional ideas about things. 98 00:10:53,970 --> 00:11:00,110 How'd, you know, notice that the above exchange could have gone in a completely different direction. 99 00:11:01,090 --> 00:11:06,690 I'm very intuitive, you know, and I can tell that you're someone with strong personal opinions. 100 00:11:07,350 --> 00:11:08,574 Strong opinions? 101 00:11:08,702 --> 00:11:09,330 Really? 102 00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:10,670 Said doubtfully. 103 00:11:10,830 --> 00:11:12,180 Oh, absolutely. 104 00:11:12,790 --> 00:11:14,974 Sometimes you agree with people, sure. 105 00:11:15,112 --> 00:11:20,360 But I think that occasionally you have a few unconventional ideas about things. 106 00:11:21,530 --> 00:11:28,700 Yeah, maybe most people think I'm pretty easy going, but I do stick up for myself when it's important. 107 00:11:29,310 --> 00:11:31,258 That's exactly what I mean. 108 00:11:31,344 --> 00:11:33,210 I can see that clearly. 109 00:11:34,350 --> 00:11:43,280 The people in the above conversations could be polar opposites from one another and yet respond to the same statement in very similar ways. 110 00:11:45,410 --> 00:11:48,750 Technique Three ignoring the misses. 111 00:11:50,050 --> 00:11:59,860 Closely connected to the above is the seamless easy, skipping over any time you actually make a guess that's wrong or make a claim that doesn't land. 112 00:12:00,710 --> 00:12:02,590 Cold reading is like fishing. 113 00:12:02,670 --> 00:12:13,030 Sometimes you have to send out a few lures to catch a fish, but if you catch nothing, you throw the lure out again, preferably without drawing too much attention to your failure. 114 00:12:13,930 --> 00:12:24,810 As you engage in the conversation, you're homing in closer and closer, starting from generalizations and whittling down, using the person's responses to guide you. 115 00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:32,974 When you miss, you drop that approach, but when something sticks, you pursue that avenue and expand on it. 116 00:12:33,172 --> 00:12:42,400 Keep doing this and within a minute or two, it can genuinely seem like you have an eerily accurate understanding of the person you just met. 117 00:12:43,570 --> 00:12:47,010 Minimize mistakes and amplify hits. 118 00:12:47,430 --> 00:12:55,170 You need to shift your strategy quickly and invisibly so that it almost appears as though you were on the right course from the very beginning. 119 00:12:55,930 --> 00:13:06,680 The typical psychic cold reading goes like this I'm getting someone who's recently died, maybe cancer or something to do with the heart. 120 00:13:07,390 --> 00:13:17,690 Crickets if not the heart, then I'm being shown something internal in the body, like perhaps a gut or liver ailment. 121 00:13:18,190 --> 00:13:24,160 I'm seeing someone who is a bit overweight, someone who loved life and loved to eat. 122 00:13:24,850 --> 00:13:27,040 My uncle maybe. 123 00:13:27,410 --> 00:13:29,934 Hit psychic zooms in on this person. 124 00:13:30,052 --> 00:13:34,898 Yes, it's a man, and I'm seeing that he really loved food. 125 00:13:34,984 --> 00:13:35,714 Right. 126 00:13:35,912 --> 00:13:46,630 Knowing that this comment about eating prompted a response previously, the psychic ignores everything they said about cancer or heart and liver diseases. 127 00:13:47,210 --> 00:13:49,446 Yes, he did love food. 128 00:13:49,628 --> 00:13:50,738 Who doesn't? 129 00:13:50,914 --> 00:13:52,998 And was he a big man? 130 00:13:53,084 --> 00:14:02,090 Kind of a large guy, vague statements that can be retroactively changed to mean fat or tall, depending on the response? 131 00:14:02,750 --> 00:14:07,066 Well, not really, but he had a bit of a belly, I guess. 132 00:14:07,248 --> 00:14:08,938 Yes, I see that. 133 00:14:09,104 --> 00:14:11,114 He was a middle aged man. 134 00:14:11,312 --> 00:14:18,202 He was very troubled near the end, I think in a lot of discomfort if he's died. 135 00:14:18,346 --> 00:14:22,714 Chances are he wasn't very young and most men with bellies are middle aged. 136 00:14:22,762 --> 00:14:26,770 It's also a pretty good guess that he was uncomfortable before he died. 137 00:14:27,190 --> 00:14:28,338 Yes, that's right. 138 00:14:28,424 --> 00:14:30,050 He had a lung infection. 139 00:14:30,550 --> 00:14:36,470 Notice that the psychic has said nothing about lungs, but the person might not have noticed this mistake. 140 00:14:38,490 --> 00:14:43,430 Technique Four passing off failures as successes. 141 00:14:45,130 --> 00:14:53,660 Gradually, by ignoring the misses and emphasizing the hits, the fake psychic spins a tail that seems right on the money. 142 00:14:54,190 --> 00:15:01,900 But another related technique relies not on ignoring misses, but actually pretending they were hits all along. 143 00:15:02,590 --> 00:15:09,840 Again, your goal is to conceal the fact that you're actually guessing and make it seem as though you had it right the very first time. 144 00:15:10,530 --> 00:15:18,686 People who visit psychic shows are often quite willing to believe what they're told and play along consciously or unconsciously. 145 00:15:18,798 --> 00:15:27,240 So if the fake psychic has to massage the truth a little to alter the meaning of what they said retroactively, the audience might go along with it. 146 00:15:27,690 --> 00:15:38,470 Let's say the psychic closes their eyes and makes a show of hearing messages from beyond, then opens their eyes and claims they're being shown the name Elizabeth. 147 00:15:39,130 --> 00:15:47,100 Note takers from the crowd ellie, Eliza, a name beginning with L. 148 00:15:48,110 --> 00:15:49,546 Something like that. 149 00:15:49,648 --> 00:15:51,066 The psychic continues. 150 00:15:51,178 --> 00:15:52,122 No dice. 151 00:15:52,266 --> 00:15:53,520 They try again. 152 00:15:54,290 --> 00:15:59,310 I see a woman's face, blue eyes, recently passed. 153 00:16:00,050 --> 00:16:02,278 My Aunt Linda passed recently. 154 00:16:02,474 --> 00:16:03,714 Ah, that's it. 155 00:16:03,832 --> 00:16:07,810 It wasn't Ellie, but the letter L, as in Linda. 156 00:16:08,870 --> 00:16:10,546 But she had brown eyes. 157 00:16:10,728 --> 00:16:15,300 Yes, I know, but she's showing me blue eyes for some reason. 158 00:16:15,690 --> 00:16:18,662 Did blue eyes have any significance for her? 159 00:16:18,796 --> 00:16:20,040 And so on. 160 00:16:21,210 --> 00:16:33,900 At a push, a clever faux psychic will stick to a story that nobody is buying and simply claim that the error is on the side of the living, or that someone's not sharing all the details they could. 161 00:16:34,750 --> 00:16:44,400 More than a few psychics have tried to pass off misses as a secret that the living simply don't know yet, or just claim that the clue will make sense in time. 162 00:16:45,170 --> 00:16:53,570 Worst case scenario, a miss can be covered up by blending it in with something that's true or couldn't help but be true. 163 00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:57,586 For example okay, she's laughing now. 164 00:16:57,768 --> 00:17:00,946 She says, don't worry about the blue eyes thing. 165 00:17:01,128 --> 00:17:04,402 She has a great sense of humor, your aunt, doesn't she? 166 00:17:04,536 --> 00:17:09,400 She's telling me to tell you not to worry about her and that she's fine. 167 00:17:11,370 --> 00:17:30,102 Technique Five keeping it Vague it might seem pretty bold to claim to have supernatural abilities and perform in front of a crowd, but most of the success of fake TV psychics comes down to the fact that many of them are actually rather conservative in their predictions. 168 00:17:30,246 --> 00:17:35,790 When you boil it down, what they say is not all that special or precise. 169 00:17:36,530 --> 00:17:46,034 Keeping vague keeps your opinions open and ensures that you make claims that have the highest probability of being correct or close to it. 170 00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:56,418 This then, buys you time, and in that time you can gather more information by observation, under promise, and over deliver. 171 00:17:56,594 --> 00:18:03,160 It's far better than over promising and losing the confidence or faith of the person you're talking to. 172 00:18:04,330 --> 00:18:07,654 Conversations are living dynamic things. 173 00:18:07,852 --> 00:18:17,450 If you hope to extract information from people in ordinary life, you need to learn to dial up your observation skills while gently steering the conversation. 174 00:18:18,110 --> 00:18:26,030 You can't force the direction of the conversation too much, because you need to be ready to perceive what's going on with your audience and adjust immediately. 175 00:18:26,530 --> 00:18:29,470 In time, you can firm up your statements. 176 00:18:30,290 --> 00:18:36,338 For example, a psychic may make a vague claim just to see what the response will be. 177 00:18:36,424 --> 00:18:40,820 If it's vague enough, they can move on or shift the direction quickly. 178 00:18:41,590 --> 00:18:43,860 I see a brick house. 179 00:18:44,630 --> 00:18:49,190 I'm feeling that he was in a lot of confusion and discomfort before he died. 180 00:18:50,250 --> 00:18:57,918 I'm sensing you had a strong connection with your mother, just as you would with Barnum statements. 181 00:18:58,034 --> 00:19:02,714 You want to make claims that are universal without seeming like they are. 182 00:19:02,832 --> 00:19:12,400 Although, a word of warning don't make the mistake of using insensitive stereotypes about groups of people that's unlikely to go down well. 183 00:19:13,490 --> 00:19:17,726 Psychics are essentially in the business of telling people what they want to hear. 184 00:19:17,908 --> 00:19:24,626 Their audience might be so willing to hear it that they'll round up almost any statement to fit the bill. 185 00:19:24,808 --> 00:19:40,520 So a TV psychic could say, I'm sensing that someone in the audience tonight has been doing a lot of soul searching lately, and two dozen people in the room will quietly believe that they are the ones being referred to. 186 00:19:41,210 --> 00:19:49,062 It's a bit ironic that you can create this feeling of personal connection most effectively when you use general and vague statements. 187 00:19:49,126 --> 00:19:58,790 But hey, cold reading is not about appealing to human beings rational side psychics have a great backup plan to cover up for any mistake. 188 00:19:58,950 --> 00:20:02,878 They are, after all, hearing transmissions from the other side. 189 00:20:03,044 --> 00:20:06,800 And a few crackles in the transmission are to be expected, right? 190 00:20:07,250 --> 00:20:29,110 So when a psychic is making a big deal about seeing things in a hazy light, hears an indistinct voice, an unclear image, a hunch, a strange feeling they can't nail down, you know that they're either fishing for something firm to hold onto, or else covering up for a mistake made recently. 191 00:20:30,250 --> 00:20:37,800 In everyday life, you can use vagueness in much the same way as a psychic uses it to buy time. 192 00:20:38,330 --> 00:20:46,300 Make gentle, Barnum like statements, but keep open ended and wait until the other person gives you something to work with. 193 00:20:46,670 --> 00:20:56,510 If you're patient, you may be surprised how often people are willing to jump in and supply you with just the information you thought would be concealed. 194 00:20:57,730 --> 00:21:08,450 A psychic can, as a last resort, claim that the spirit world sometimes speaks in riddles, or that you're tired today and not hearing as clearly. 195 00:21:09,030 --> 00:21:18,440 In everyday life, vagueness is a clever way to shunt the conversation back to the other person until you have something more definite to say. 196 00:21:18,970 --> 00:21:25,430 Make a loose, noncommittal claim, and then ask them a question or see how they respond. 197 00:21:26,010 --> 00:21:34,700 As a rule, it's always a good idea to start with general vague statements and work from there, allowing the other person to guide you. 198 00:21:35,390 --> 00:21:45,246 A closely connected technique is often called the rainbow ruse, and its vagueness lies in the fact that you're essentially saying two opposite things at once. 199 00:21:45,428 --> 00:21:46,350 I e. 200 00:21:46,500 --> 00:21:48,030 It's contradictory. 201 00:21:48,610 --> 00:21:51,690 There is some overlap here, again with Barnum statements. 202 00:21:51,770 --> 00:22:03,700 The key to a rainbow ruse is to make a claim that sneakily covers all possibilities, so that the psychic is always going to be perceived as accurate no matter what. 203 00:22:05,110 --> 00:22:14,920 You are an introverted and shy person, but when you're with people you know and trust, you can have a wild and outgoing side that comes out. 204 00:22:16,090 --> 00:22:25,260 You are a very kind and considerate person, but there have been times when you've shown particular cruelty to people you were unhappy with. 205 00:22:26,670 --> 00:22:34,480 You are a person who knows what they want in life, but there have been times in the past that you felt very unsure of what you're doing. 206 00:22:35,970 --> 00:22:45,966 These sentences link two opposite ideas by varying things like mood, you're like X, except when you're unhappy. 207 00:22:45,998 --> 00:22:47,300 Then you're like y. 208 00:22:47,830 --> 00:22:53,060 Time you're like X, but at times can be like Y. 209 00:22:53,590 --> 00:23:00,920 And potential, you're like X, but you have the capacity to be Y if you wanted. 210 00:23:02,170 --> 00:23:16,090 It sounds too easy on the surface, but statements like this work because human beings are incredibly complex and often do possess two contradicting beliefs, traits or desires. 211 00:23:16,830 --> 00:23:37,490 In addition, most people have a range of experiences that change over time, and when hearing a rainbow ruse will simply attach to the part of the statement that seems most relevant to them at that particular moment, it's the response to the claim that tells you so much, rather than the truth of the claim. 212 00:23:37,830 --> 00:23:43,486 In other words, it's almost irrelevant whether someone is or isn't an introvert. 213 00:23:43,598 --> 00:23:52,178 But if they choose to grab hold of that part of the claim and expand on it, you know that they like to think of themselves as introverted. 214 00:23:52,274 --> 00:23:57,910 And that brings us to our final technique watching for reactions. 215 00:23:59,290 --> 00:24:06,540 Our final technique is perhaps the most important, since the other five will be fairly useless unless combined with it. 216 00:24:06,990 --> 00:24:15,120 One half of cold reading is what you put out into the conversation, and the other half is what you're gathering back up again. 217 00:24:15,650 --> 00:24:25,010 You're not just making strategic guesses, but carefully watching how these guesses fall so you can run with them or drop them entirely. 218 00:24:25,350 --> 00:24:29,170 You are always, always looking for clues. 219 00:24:30,310 --> 00:24:35,474 Have you noticed that psychics seldom offer their services over email or text? 220 00:24:35,672 --> 00:24:39,250 This is because most of them need face to face interaction. 221 00:24:39,410 --> 00:24:45,800 If they can't tell how any one statement is being received by their audience, they can never really move things forward. 222 00:24:46,410 --> 00:24:55,100 Nothing will stop a Cold reader dead in their tracks faster than someone who is expressionless and shows no response to what they're being told. 223 00:24:56,190 --> 00:25:07,680 In TV psychic shows, people are happy to raise their hands or verbally say yes or no to claims, but even minor reactions can give you an idea of whether you're on the right track or not. 224 00:25:08,050 --> 00:25:11,760 If you're lucky, a person will happily give you information. 225 00:25:12,550 --> 00:25:15,970 For example, no, that's not right. 226 00:25:16,120 --> 00:25:19,934 I think that maybe refers to my uncle or my cousin. 227 00:25:19,982 --> 00:25:20,580 Maybe. 228 00:25:21,350 --> 00:25:28,840 But if the other person's keeping quiet, you can still watch their body language and facial expressions to see if you're getting close. 229 00:25:29,850 --> 00:25:35,510 As a rule, people noticeably respond to things that do apply to them. 230 00:25:35,660 --> 00:25:49,580 If the person is sitting stony faced while you're talking, but suddenly shifts in their seats and seems to widen their eyes a little at the mention of the word cancer, you can guess that cancer is somehow relevant to them. 231 00:25:50,450 --> 00:25:57,438 At psychic shows, after all, people are waiting anxiously to see whether something will be said about them. 232 00:25:57,604 --> 00:26:05,250 When it is, they can't help but light up, smile, or give other clues that they are suddenly paying attention. 233 00:26:05,830 --> 00:26:12,820 The trick is that the person having these reactions isn't really aware that they're communicating this to anyone else. 234 00:26:13,270 --> 00:26:22,840 It looks on the surface like you're making guesses about them, but in reality there's a dialogue going on between you both, only a subtle one. 235 00:26:23,770 --> 00:26:31,340 Even more subtle is using general powers of observation to read people before they've even had a chance to react to what you're saying. 236 00:26:32,190 --> 00:26:37,500 The techniques we discussed in earlier chapters can be used to great effect here. 237 00:26:38,190 --> 00:26:47,130 Look for wedding rings, tan lines, baby food stains, expensive shoes, religious jewelry, tattoos. 238 00:26:47,290 --> 00:26:55,330 Note if someone is slouching, leaning forward eagerly, frowning, crossing their arms, or looking exhausted. 239 00:26:55,990 --> 00:27:02,850 Sure, little things like this are not much in themselves, but they add up quickly if you're paying attention. 240 00:27:04,150 --> 00:27:09,320 A great way to practice this skill is simply to observe people more often. 241 00:27:10,010 --> 00:27:18,518 Try a bit of people watching and observe others where they're not observing you, and where verbal communication is off the cards. 242 00:27:18,614 --> 00:27:36,240 For example, in a busy street or airport, look at people and guess who they are, their age, where they're from, what matters to them, what makes them sad, what their hopes and dreams are, what kind of car they drive, what work they do, what accent they have. 243 00:27:36,850 --> 00:27:52,420 If you can just practice seeing what's in front of you without stereotyping or entertaining prejudice, you'll soon be astonished by just how much people are already telling you about themselves long before they get into conversations with you. 244 00:27:53,110 --> 00:27:56,710 Ask what stage of life is this person in? 245 00:27:56,860 --> 00:28:01,320 And what is statistically most likely for that age group? 246 00:28:01,930 --> 00:28:08,600 What socioeconomic group do they belong to, and what primarily concerns people in that group? 247 00:28:09,210 --> 00:28:12,026 What social and cultural markers do they have? 248 00:28:12,128 --> 00:28:16,620 And what does this tell you about who they are or who they want to be? 249 00:28:17,070 --> 00:28:21,150 Practice often enough and it may even become second nature. 250 00:28:22,050 --> 00:28:43,300 For instance, you might unconsciously register a person's clothing, demeanor, hairstyle, voice, and gestures and instantly recognize them as someone who is gay or Italian or afraid of aging or a nurse or whatever, you may make a guess about them and surprise yourself by how accurate you are. 251 00:28:43,670 --> 00:28:48,150 True, people are all unique, and you may often be off the mark. 252 00:28:48,220 --> 00:28:53,720 But remember that in cold reading, you don't have to be right, just close enough. 253 00:28:54,730 --> 00:28:58,780 Make a vague claim or a Barnum statement and watch what happens. 254 00:28:59,230 --> 00:29:02,940 Speak slowly to give the other person time to react to you. 255 00:29:04,110 --> 00:29:16,560 As amusing as all this is, chances are you're not literally going to attempt to practice cold reading for real, although it's a fun practice so long as everyone is informed about what you're doing. 256 00:29:17,330 --> 00:29:27,970 Cold reading, understandably, has a bad reputation, but there are intelligent ways to use these principles in ordinary conversation without being underhanded. 257 00:29:28,550 --> 00:29:43,960 In reality, all these techniques blend into one keep things open, universal, and vague at first, and then fine tune the direction the conversation is going based on what the other person is giving you. 258 00:29:44,330 --> 00:29:47,358 Tailor your approach according to their response. 259 00:29:47,554 --> 00:29:49,894 Keep things light and flowing. 260 00:29:50,022 --> 00:29:56,940 You'll be surprised at how quickly you can get people to say, wow, how do you know so much about me? 261 00:29:58,590 --> 00:30:09,950 Takeaways we can improve our information extraction skills by following some of the techniques used by fake psychics when they do cold reading. 262 00:30:10,530 --> 00:30:25,460 General principles for cold reading include being subtle, open ended, and allowing the other person to guide you without them realizing that you're not doing anything magical, but merely working with the information that they provide. 263 00:30:26,730 --> 00:30:34,790 Shotgun statements are random statements made in order to see what response you get so you can follow it up on what sticks. 264 00:30:35,290 --> 00:30:43,580 Barnum statements are those that are likely to be perceived as relevant to individuals, even though they apply to almost everyone. 265 00:30:43,950 --> 00:30:50,380 Barnum statements are broad guesses that look specific but actually have a high probability of being on the mark. 266 00:30:51,570 --> 00:31:01,390 When using shotgun or Barnum statements, a cold reader can also ignore their misses and focus on their hits, concealing the fact that they are guessing. 267 00:31:02,210 --> 00:31:13,060 Another way to mask misses is to pass them off as successes, retroactively, or rework your claim to make it seem as though you were right all along. 268 00:31:14,310 --> 00:31:22,150 Cold readers deliberately keep things vague to start with and then fine tune their approach according to the feedback they receive. 269 00:31:22,490 --> 00:31:33,580 They begin with a noncommittal low stakes guess and then by degree, inch closer to the truth using their audience's response or lack of it. 270 00:31:34,270 --> 00:31:41,360 A key principle in cold reading is to pay attention to reactions of all kinds, including nonverbal ones. 271 00:31:42,050 --> 00:31:58,100 Expert cold reading combines all of these techniques seamlessly and swiftly to give the impression that the psychic has plucked accurate information from the air, when in reality it's been fed to him unwittingly by the audience all along. 272 00:32:07,690 --> 00:32:12,520 We will recap today's episode in just a few moments, but first, a little news. 273 00:32:14,010 --> 00:32:30,134 My episode demographics show that there might be some interest in this topic although we don't delve too much into sports, but Carmelo Anthony, a ten time All Star and a three time Olympic gold medalist, is going to retire from the NBA after 19 seasons. 274 00:32:30,262 --> 00:32:33,658 And while we're on the topic, the Nuggets sweep the Lakers. 275 00:32:33,754 --> 00:32:39,742 Tyler LeBron if you're not into sports, there's some good news on the streaming side of things. 276 00:32:39,876 --> 00:32:49,220 HBO Max and Discovery Plus are going to merge into a new streaming service called Max, and it's available beginning today. 277 00:32:49,590 --> 00:32:53,070 Paramount, plus and Showtime are following suit. 278 00:32:53,150 --> 00:32:55,862 They're going to launch together in the US. 279 00:32:55,996 --> 00:32:57,720 On June 27. 280 00:32:59,930 --> 00:33:02,550 Let's recap today's episode with the Takeaways. 281 00:33:04,010 --> 00:33:13,210 We can improve our information extraction skills by following some of the techniques used by fake psychics when they do cold reading. 282 00:33:13,870 --> 00:33:28,800 General principles for cold reading include being subtle, open ended, and allowing the other person to guide you without them realizing that you're not doing anything magical, but merely working with the information that they provide. 283 00:33:30,050 --> 00:33:38,130 Shotgun statements are random statements made in order to see what response you get so you can follow it up on what sticks. 284 00:33:38,630 --> 00:33:46,920 Barnum statements are those that are likely to be perceived as relevant to individuals, even though they apply to almost everyone. 285 00:33:47,290 --> 00:33:53,640 Barnum statements are broad guesses that look specific but actually have a high probability of being on the mark. 286 00:33:54,810 --> 00:34:04,650 When using shotgun or Barnum statements, a cold reader can also ignore their misses and focus on their hits, concealing the fact that they are guessing. 287 00:34:05,550 --> 00:34:16,320 Another way to mask misses is to pass them off as successes, retroactively, or rework your claim to make it seem as though you were right all along. 288 00:34:17,650 --> 00:34:25,410 Cold readers deliberately keep things vague to start with and then fine tune their approach according to the feedback they receive. 289 00:34:25,830 --> 00:34:36,920 They begin with a noncommittal low stakes guess and then by degree, inch closer to the truth using their audience's response or lack of it. 290 00:34:37,610 --> 00:34:44,600 A key principle in cold reading is to pay attention to reactions of all kinds, including nonverbal ones. 291 00:34:45,370 --> 00:35:01,440 Expert cold reading combines all of these techniques seamlessly and swiftly to give the impression that the psychic has plucked accurate information from the air, when in reality, it's been fed to him unwittingly by the audience all along. 292 00:35:02,930 --> 00:35:09,194 And with that, we come to the end of another episode of Social Skills coaching our Life and Death section. 293 00:35:09,242 --> 00:35:24,850 Today we have birthdays for entertainer and actor Drew Carey, the reality star Jackson Duggar, the makeup artist James Charles, actor comedian Jason Nash, as well as the musician Jewel. 294 00:35:25,270 --> 00:35:31,814 On the other end of the spectrum lost today in history were Bonnie and Clyde, killed by the police John D. 295 00:35:31,852 --> 00:35:34,680 Rockefeller that's way back in 1937. 296 00:35:35,450 --> 00:35:40,514 Roger Moore, who played James Bond for a previous generation in 2017. 297 00:35:40,642 --> 00:35:47,720 Today we quote from John Rockefeller try to turn every disaster into an opportunity. 298 00:35:49,530 --> 00:35:50,700 You the.