0:00:00

sam

Hello, all you wonderful women checking out the podcast this week. I just want to welcome you back to another episode of the More Than Mom podcast. I am your host, Samantha Cook, and I just can't wait to jump in with you guys today. One thing we're gonna be talking about is, you know, a common problem with women in general is the grass is always greener on the other side, or comparison, as we call it, keeping up with the Joneses, whatever it is for you, that is one thing that women struggle with most of the time.

0:00:30

sam

We see things like, we need to be skinnier, we need to be this. We need to be more successful. We need to be the stay at home mom. We need to be the career mom. We need to be making more, we need to be whatever it is for you is that one, god created you to serve the purpose that you needed to serve. So when we start comparing ourselves and being jealous and envious of our neighbors or other women that we're around, what starts to happen is we are unable to serve the capacity that God has for us.

0:01:06

sam

And what that means is if my job is to be a people person and to love on people and share with them in that capacity, and I look at another woman who doesn't do those things and want more of what she's doing, well, maybe she doesn't have the capacity for people that God planted in me. And so when I'm turning away from what God has created me perfectly, knit me together in my mother's womb, planned who I was going to be, the things and experiences that I needed to go through, we know nothing about the journey that God has had that other woman on.

0:01:45

sam

And so a lot of times I get stuck in this place, and I'm sure you do too. It's like, I just wish people understood where I was coming from. Like, when they make a comment like, oh, I wish I had X-Y-Z that you have, or I can't do this, like you can. And I'm like, okay, well, that's fine. You don't have to be mad at me for having the capacity to do those things. We have to take a step back and look at the things that each of us have walked through that we can actually see what got us to that place. So a lot of times I'm like, I wish people knew me ten years ago, 15 years ago, 20 years ago. You know, the things that I had actually walked through that got me to this place so I could serve in my best capacity.

0:02:35

sam

God has us walked through a number of things for another number of reasons. And a lot of times I'm just going to share a little bit of my personal testimony. And the things I've been through is a lot of times people are like, oh, you've got all this love to be a mom and those types of things. And I wish I loved pregnancy and all that kind of stuff as much as you did. I'm like, well, you got to take a step back and realize that I love being a mother. Because I realize that what a huge privilege I have to get to be home with my children as much as I want.

0:03:14

sam

I do work in a small, more part time capacity, but for the most part, I'm home with my children. And understanding that that's a huge privilege because my life started out with a single mom and shout out to my mom because she worked really hard because she had to, because there was no one else to step up and help with that burden. And so I had to see my mom do it all all at one time and be mom and be provider and be the things that she had to be for us and be exhausted. Because let's be real. Kids are exhausting in all the best ways because they just take a large portion of who we are.

0:03:56

sam

But a lot of times when people see the way I am with my children, they wish they were that way. And it's like, because I'm grateful that I got to be that way. I'm sure my mom wished she got to be a stay at home mom and get to do all that kind of stuff. And so a lot of times when we look at those things, it's like, well, it's because I'm grateful. A lot of the things I do are walking in gratitude for things I've experienced as a child in young adulthood.

0:04:28

sam

Just a trigger warning. I'm just going to be sharing a small part of my testimony and stuff here, so just be aware that it has to do with domestic violence. And a lot of times people are like, oh, you have this amazing husband. And he provides and he does all this. And my husband's amazing. I mean, I'm not even going to lie. He's an amazing person. He's an amazing provider. He's an amazing father to my children. He's always striving to be better. He supports my goals and dreams and all the things that I do.

0:04:59

sam

But there was a time where he was not in the picture before I met him, and I was in a physically, emotionally abusive relationship. And because I've walked that out, I'm grateful. And for who my husband is, I'm grateful that I was diligent to wait for the right person, seek out the things that I knew would be safe for not only me, but for children in the long run and those types of things. And so when you look at the people that you end up with and stuff like that, it's like, well, take a step back and see what happened to get them to that place.

0:05:42

sam

You don't just end up with this amazing person for no reason. Usually there's a lot of backstory that comes through, a lot of fight and effort and stuff like that. And when you've been through a domestic violence situation, one, please get some help. Please tell somebody you're going through it. But two is just like, you know, once you get out of that type of situation, you'll do hopefully anything to not end up in that situation again.

0:06:11

sam

And so I had a specific prayer for the person that I would end up married to or I was going to strive not to hit be in that situation again. And so I prayed and I said, here are my non negotiables. This is the type of person, not only in words, but in actions that they need to be so that, one, I can feel safe, that I can let them into my life, the good, bad and the ugly. And that they are going to take care of me and love me and honor me the way that Christ loves the church and honors the church.

0:06:47

sam

And when you find a man that is able to do those types of things, one, it helps you become the woman that you want to be. Because when you are supported and loved and secure in your relationship with your spouse, everything changes. Everything changes about who you are because you constantly want to be better. You constantly want to do better. If you're a stay at home mom, then you want to be the best stay at home mom because that person comes home and loves you every day and appreciates and values the things that you do to make the household run while they're gone at work. So when they come home and they just get to enjoy the children, that is definitely something that I strive for, even though I do work, is like I don't work as many hours as he does.

0:07:32

sam

And so I do everything in my capacity to make sure that when he comes home, he's honored through the home that I have made so that he can come home and enjoy that time with our children. I say all of this to say this, is that a lot of times when we want to compare and we want what other women have and we want the relationship, the income, the ability to start a new project, the ability to lead and honor God in everything that we do.

0:08:07

sam

Just remember, not everybody got to that place just from simply striving and doing the best they can. They got to that place because they really wanted to not be in a place that they were again. And a lot of my testimony isn't very beautiful. It's beautiful because God turned everything around. He took me from several types of abuse I've encountered in my lifetime to such a beautiful family and children that I love and adore and a spouse that supports me.

0:08:46

sam

It wasn't anything I could have done on my own. It was literally that everything that God worked through my life. So next time that we get in this place of, like, we want to compare ourselves or we want to be jealous of what that person has, remember that their story could be completely different than anything you could have ever imagined. The people that know me at this point in my life now, sometimes I'll drop, like, little nuggets and say something because I'm like, oh, I can relate to that situation, or something like that.

0:09:17

sam

And people will just look at me and they're like, did that really happen to you? And I'm like, yeah. And they're like, you just said that. Like, it was so casual. And I'm like, because God has worked in me. He has taken me and realized that those things are not of Him. Those things are very clearly of the devil and spiritual warfare that I have had to overcome in my life. But he has worked a beautiful story out of my life and out of the things that I've encountered and the things that have been said about me and done about me. It's like, yeah, it sucks.

0:09:56

sam

I'm not going to lie. When you hear things about yourself that you absolutely know are not true and there's nothing you can do about them, that is a valid feeling of being disappointed. But at the end of the day, it's like, God knows exactly who you are, he knows exactly who you were meant to be, and it'll all work out in the end. No amount of fear, frustration, anger, all that kind of stuff is going to change anything but moving forward.

0:10:28

sam

And I say that not because I perfectly do that every time. Honestly, I've had a lot of struggles, especially in the last few months, is like, I've had a lot of struggles with getting angry because people don't take the time to understand who you are. And that's unfortunate because I think the more that we learn to understand each other, the better that we all work together. The amount of comparison goes down to realize we're all real people and we're just all trying to serve the best we can in every capacity.

0:10:58

sam

And I think that's going to be a huge part in you as a woman. Moving forward and navigating yourself with confidence is to confidently walk in who God is and who you are because he created you for a reason. He put desires in your heart to lead you into a better place where he can be glorified and use the tools that make his story known to more people. And just so much of who he is, he wants to be glorified through your story.

0:11:32

sam

And it's going to happen. There's just bad things we're going to go through in life. There is the reality that not everything is from God and we can't control the other people. We can just control how we glorify god in the process. And so I hope this is a huge encouragement to you guys today, so that way you can go and move forward in who you are and keep doing the right thing, because people are going to compare themselves.

0:11:59

sam

They're going to say, you've had it easy. You don't understand what it's like to struggle. You don't know what it's like to have $2 in your bank account and have bills due the next day. People are going to say all that kind of stuff about you and does it make it true or right? No, it doesn't. But you know what you've walked through and you know how God has worked in your life, and I hope that you just see the wonderful person that you absolutely are and walk through this womanhood in God's grace and in confidence of who he has you being and who you are.

0:12:36

sam

And so I just hope you guys have an amazing rest of your day and I look forward to seeing you next time.